Chapter Text
“I’m way too fucking nice,” Sasuke decided as his phone rang. Again. “Thank you for calling 1-800-A GIRL GAVE YOU A FAKE NUMBER, how may I take your disappointment?” he drawled.
The well-rehearsed script he’d given himself for no apparent reason was losing a bit of its luster, but he still received a nugget of amusement for his efforts: a confused squawk came through on the other side. Sasuke rolled his eyes, reclining into his couch. I sense a long conversation with this one…
“A fake number? How? I’m talking to someone, aren’t I?”
Sasuke blinked. That was not one of the usual stock answers. He didn’t quite know how to respond to that. And, as usual, that meant trouble for him as he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“Are you fucking stupid?”
There was a brief but cutting silence, disturbed only by some vague static between their cell phones.
“Hey, who are you callin’ stupid, y’know?!” he barked. “You said this was a fake number, like an automated number or one that isn't in service, right? But you’re clearly not automated, you sound way too excited about your job-” Oh if I find out who this guy is I’m gonna punch him right in the goddamned mouth- “- and this line is definitely in service. So don’t lie, it’s not a fake number, it’s just a wrong number."
Sasuke shook his head. How am I the confused one here?
“Semantics. You gonna hang up or what?”
“Why the fuck should I hang up?” Sasuke’s brows furrowed.
“You’re the one who called. Besides, aren’t you disappointed? Angry?”
“Well, yeah, I’m kinda miffed, I guess, but what’re you gonna do? Besides, you sound hot.”
Sasuke balked, for a moment too surprised to say anything.
“Uh…”
“Oh what, never heard of bisexuality? I swing both ways. And since I know for sure this is your number, I may as well try to score where I can.”
“You’re gross,” Sasuke said, because when he was caught off guard by a social situation his first resort was usually be mean and make them go away.
“Eh, I’ve been called worse,” he replied chipperly, and Sasuke could hear the rustling of him moving around. Wonder if he’s in bed right now…
He shook himself violently, getting up and pacing, the phone cord twisting between his fingers. That was fucking weird, where did that thought come from-?
“Anyway, I’m guessing by the fact that you aren’t hanging up that I’m doing an okay job?”
“Getting in my pants?” Sasuke scoffed. “Hardly.”
“Aw, c’mon now, I’m not tryna get in your pants yet. I’m a gentleman, I’d at least take you to dinner first!” Sasuke snorted, returning to the couch and examining his nails.
“How charming,” he deadpanned.
“What, you got a problem with going out to dinner?”
“With you? Yes, several. But more importantly: if you’re such a gentleman, then why would she have given you a wrong number?”
“Because women are constantly at war with the patriarchy for their own safety and well-being, and they have to operate under the assumption that every man is an enemy agent until proven otherwise to protect their livelihoods and bodily autonomy.”
Sasuke blinked once. Twice. Three times.
“What? I minor in women’s studies.” Ah, so he’s a student, too. Ino probably bumped into him at one of Kiba's frat parties. I keep telling her to stop going to those stupid things, she always ends up getting into some kind of trouble-
“So you have at least half a braincell and a shred of empathy for others. Congrats.”
To Sasuke’s surprise, the other man began to laugh. It sounds surprisingly nice, and genuine… He wasn't used to people laughing on the phone with him, and certainly not under these circumstances.
“Well, I’m sure not the brightest crayon in the box, but I get by, y’know! And I have plenty of empathy for others! My major is social work, I’ll have you know.”
“Your major doesn’t define or measure your compassion.”
“Man, you’re not a pre-law, are you?” Sasuke scowled at that.
“Who said I’m even a student?”
“Aren’t you?”
Sasuke held his tongue, thinking. This is a stranger on the phone that Ino rejected. How much information am I really willing to divulge? He already has my phone number. He may be able to locate my name and address, infer where I go to school-
“Definitely not pre-law then, you’d already have an answer if you were.”
Sasuke spluttered, offended for some reason despite the fact that he was right.
“Hmm, lemme take a guess then… probably something secure and rigid, right? If you were an engineering or computer sciences major you wouldn’t even have picked up the phone. I’m pretty sure architects don’t even own phones, so definitely not that either. Maybe… business?”
“You’re dead wrong, loser,” he drawled. Why am I even entertaining this?
He glanced at his pile of finished assignments, the clock reading two in the morning, the attachment theory textbook Ino had loaned him for “leisure reading”, the dark emptiness of his apartment outside the golden glow of his lamp. The same reason I run Ino's rejected boys hotline to begin with, I guess… it’s not like I have anything better to do…
“Dead wrong, huh? I’m usually pretty good at guessing these kinds of things. Are you lying again?”
“I’m not a liar,” he growled”
“Okay, okay!” he placated. Sasuke could almost see a pair of hands held up to ward off his ire. “Can’t be criminal justice or political science, then.”
Sasuke scoffed in disbelief. I mean, he’ll eventually guess it right at this rate…
“Why are you even so interested?” he demanded.
“I dunno. I like getting to know new people. And if you’re taking Ino’s unwanted calls for her, then she’s trusting you to protect her and yourself. That must mean you’re a strong, capable guy. I like that.”
“To balance out your incompetence?” he guessed scathingly. Again, the man on the other end laughed.
“Maybe! I don’t know much about the psychology of attraction. I just know I like interesting people. And you seem interesting.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“But I’d like to. And you’re still talking to me, so maybe you do too?”
Sasuke sucked his lower lip into his mouth, pinching it between his teeth. Does he have a point? I’m still entertaining this pointless conversation. And… he’s definitely the strangest call I’ve ever gotten. No one else has tried to actually talk to me before. They usually are either already jacking off and I yell at them, or they yell at me and hang up…
“It doesn’t have to be a date, y’know. We can just hang out.”
“I’m not making plans with you. I don’t even know who you are.”
“I know, asshole! Are you even listening? I’m offering for you to get to know me, and for me to get to know you. Who knows, maybe we’ll be buds!”
“A self-professed idiot, my ‘bud’? I think not.”
“‘I think not’ ugh! You sound so pretentious!”
It wasn’t an accusation, though. He sounded almost fond. What the hell is this?
“You’re better than that. Ino wouldn’t route her calls to you just because you’re good at being mean, she can do that herself.” How does he already know so much about her? “Listen, I’m on the quad every day around four. You can’t miss me, I’m the brightest thing west of the Humanities building. You wanna get to know me and maybe my friends, come by and hang out. I’m tired now though and still kinda drunk and I gotta shower, so I’ll let ya go. Thanks for talking to me for a bit! I’ll call you again next week.”
“Absolutely n-!“
“G’night, bye!”
The line went dead.
Sasuke blinked disbelievingly at the receiver in his hand for a while.
“What the fuck just happened?”