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To say she was worried would be an understatement, and to say Zanka had been reckless during the assignment that morning would be an understatement. They all knew it, the way he moved had been purposeful, and yet he had still taken so many hits. He’d almost died, for gods sake, and Riyo could tell that Gris felt bad about how he’d reacted, as he’d been moping ever since they’d left Zanka in the infirmary.
Her mind drifted away from her as she trained with Rudo, and she could tell Rudo wasn’t fully into it either. He’d nearly fallen twice, and she was beginning to feel bad for him.
“How ‘bout we take a break and get somethin’ ta eat?” Her little brother’s eyes lit up, and she found herself smiling at his excitement. It was nice to see him so happy, even if he couldn't show it properly, though she could tell that everything that happened recently was weighing down on him.
“Did you notice the way Zanka was acting today?” Rudo asked as they walked down the hall. His fingers twitched and fiddled with the rim of his jacket, showing how nervous he was, and Riyo felt bad for him.
“Yeah… He’s been actin’ pretty strange recently.” Rudo nodded, his face pinched with worry and Riyo sighed, stopping in the middle of the hall. Rudo stopped as well, glancing at her with a look of confusion and she smiled, reaching up to ruffle his hair. He made a small noise of protest but she ignored it.
“I’ll go check on him, then meet ya in the dinnin’ hall.”
“You sure? I can come with.” The younger teen offered, but Riyo shook her head.
“Nah, I’ve got it. You go get somethin’ ta eat.” Rudo hesitated for a moment, but nodded and walked down the hall, leaving Riyo alone to check on their older brother.
She stood still for a moment, then took in a deep breath and shoved away the strange feeling that had sparked in her chest and walked the opposite way Rudo had gone.
The feeling didn’t go away, instead building with every step down the hall, feeling almost as if she was being… pulled, or guided toward her brother’s bedroom. She reached the room and knocked on the door, but didn’t hear any response. Something akin to dread joined the strange pulling feeling, which grew exponentially with every second her brother didn’t answer.
“Zanka? You in there?” Again, there was no answer, not even a breath on the other side of the door. Not a sound of movement, not a sound at all. Her fist hesitated in the air, about to knock again but doubting herself. What if he was in the shower, or the dining room or lounge?
But… just for a moment, she could peek in, just to ease her mind. If he wasn’t in there, or if he was asleep, she would leave and that would be that.
Yeah, that would work.
She lowered her fist and grabbed the door handle, gently turning it until the door opened without a sound. Riyo stepped into the dark room and glanced around.
The bed was empty, and there was no light beneath the bathroom door. She almost turned around, but her eye caught on a glimmer of blue that was illuminated by a stream of light that shined through the curtains. Her brows furrowed in confusion.
“Zanka?” Riyo called out, stepping forward. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she sucked in a deep breath when she saw just what the blue had been.
Lovely Assistaff. Zanka never leaves her alone like this. If she’s here, and he isn’t…
Riyo didn’t like what that implied.
She reached behind herself and flipped on the lights, illuminating the room and making her eyesockets sting. With the light on, she was able to see just how clean his room was, the entire thing prim and proper, the exact way he hated having it. One thing stuck out to her in specific.
On the desk sat multiple sheets of paper, and two stuffed plushes with names attached to them. Riyo took a hesitant step toward them, and reached toward the letter without a name written on it.
Her hands carefully opened the letter, and slowly, she began reading each line of Zanka’s neat handwriting.
‘To whomever finds this note,
By the time you’re reading this, I will likely already be gone. And if I am not, please do not search for me. Please know that this is what I want, and have planned for a very long time. I am not upset with any of you, please remember that. This is no one’s fault but my own. I should have never climbed out of that well.
I was never meant to be born, the Nijiku’s made that very clear when I was growing up. They were right. This is me making it up to them, me making the world better. At least in the end, I can better the world like I always wanted. Please take care of Lovely Assistaff. She deserves better than I could ever give her. She deserves a better giver who can bring out her full potential.’
Riyo paused, her hands beginning to shake as she re-read the note once, then twice then thrice.
This was… oh god this was a suicide note. When was- was he even- oh shit, this was real. She knew he’d been acting strange, and she knew about his tendencies -you’d have to be stupid not to know after the well- but going as far as to kill himself?
She needed to find him. That was the only thought in her head as he grabbed Lovely and booked it out of the room. She wan’t even fully sure why she had grabbed her brother’s jinki, lord knows she doesn’t deserve to see this, but something in her refused to leave the vital instrument behind.
The hall was empty as she ran down it, though she heard noise from the dining room, laughter echoing through the hall and in her head. A part of her couldn’t understand why they were laughing, when the world was falling apart so quickly around her.
She sprinted past the entrance to the room, ignoring everything in favor of finding her brother.
Fuck. She had no idea where to find him.
Well, knowing Zanka, he would go somewhere where he wouldn’t burden anyone, where no one would be forced to see him die. That ruled out any cities or main roads.
He would also avoid anywhere that someone would be forced to clean up.
That leaves one place. A place not many people would visit willingly.
No-mans land. The only place he would go.
Riyo ran, sprinted in the direction she knew the nearest No-man's land was, and ran as fast as she possibly could. She cursed her older brother internally, for being so stupid as to do something like this. For not telling them. For thinking this was his only choice.
Gods, she just wanted her brother.
The air quality shifted and Riyo found herself coughing. It barely registered that she had forgotten her mask, her only focus on finding her brother.
Dirt changed to trash changed to rolling hills and mountains of trash that had stacked on top of each other for decades.
She searched, and searched and was beginning to lose hope when she heard it. A slight rustle. It was small, but there was a chance. And she was going to take the chance of dying to find- to save her brother.
There he was. Covered in blood and trash and bleeding oh gods he was bleeding. Riyo’s breath stuttered, choking on the toxic air at the sight of him. He looked haggard. Thin, almost skeletal, and oh god look at those scars. They covered his arms, some criss crossed, some deep, some long, some looking like they had been cut over and over and over.
Riyo laid her head on her brother’s chest, and finally heard his shallow, rasping breaths. She let out a sigh of relief, but it didn't last long when she remembered the state of him. She had to- she had to get help.
Her hand shot up to her choker, swiftly calling her dad. It rang once, twice, thrice before the line clicked and he answered.
“Riyo? Whas’up kiddo?” her father said, and the relief she got from hearing his voice made her sob, loud and real and empty.
“Woah, kid, what happened? Are you okay?”
“Dad- dad oh my god- he’s barely breathing dad he- he’s dying and i cant fix it.” She spoke between sobs. She heard rustling on the other end and she heard Enjin say something about tracking her choker.
“I know sweetheart. Who’s bleeding? We’re gonna help.” Enjin comforted from the other side. Riyo’s hands shook.
“Zanka! He- dad he cut his wrists and it's so deep i can’t- ! And- and he doesn't have a mask and neither do I and we’re gonna die oh my god we’re gonna die.” tears rolled down her face in steady tracks. Enjin cursed, and Riyo heard the sound of hurried footsteps.
“Hold on kiddo, Gris and I are on the way. Put pressure on his wrists and try to take slow breaths.” He ordered, and Riyo quickly did as told, ripping two pieces of fabric from her jacket and wrapping them tightly around her brother’s wrist. She felt his pulse beneath her fingers, slow and weak and getting weaker.
He was dying. She knew he was, and there wouldn’t be enough time for their parents to get to him. Riyo, with tears still running down her face, placed Lovely Assistaff on her brother’s chest, hoping against hope that it would help.
It didn’t. She heard his jinki hum and try and it didn’t work. His breaths grew shallower and rarer.
“No- shit, Zanka please. C’mon, stay with me.” She mumbled, grabbing his face and squeezing it lightly. He didn’t respond, not in the slightest, that stupid fucking smile still on his face.
“Riyo, sweetheart, what’s going on? What’s happening?” Her father’s voice didn’t register in her ears. All she could see was her brother's unmoving form. His lack of a pulse. He wasn't breathing or moving and his eyes were closed and that smile was gone and he was dead oh gods her brother was dead he’s dead he’s dead hes dead hesdeadhesdeadhesdead.
“I’m sorry….” she whispered into her choker, hand reaching down toward the holster on her side. She heard Enjin panic on the other line, but she couldn’t make out a word he said.
“I’m sorry Dad, and i’m sorry Zanka… I can’t lose my brother…”
The metal in her hand clicked as the safety was turned off, and the barrel of the gun slowly turned to face her head. Enjin yelled something, perhaps angry at her for letting Zanka die.
Whatever. It didn’t matter. Her brother was dead. Nothing mattered anymore.
Her hands shook, finger hesitating on the trigger as Riyo pressed her gun under her chin.
“I hope I see you again in the next life…”
A gunshot echoed through the line, and the only noise that followed was the scream of a grieving parent that blared through the choker. Riyo’s body landed next to her brother’s, and in her last moments, she gripped his hand, and smiled. Because she would see him again, whether it be in the afterlife or the next life.