Chapter Text
Voices bounced off the walls, laughter echoing in the restaurant from one particular table. At that table sat the cleaners team Akuta and team Child, having just finished an assignment and now celebrating.
Enjin laughed loudly, mouth half full and small pieces of food flying everywhere. Riyo covered her plate, a look of pure disgust on her face as Gris laughed along, not as loud but just as happy. Rudo chatted with Guita and Dear Santa while they ate, though Dear only sucked on Centralian. Bro Santa was fussing over Dear, trying to get the boy to eat his vegetables to no success.
The only one not talking was Zanka, who sat in silence as he pushed around the food on his plate and watched his friends. He couldn’t bring himself to eat anything, his brain replaying every mis-step he made on their assignment. How he missed a hit that caused Riyo to get hurt.
Enjin suddenly turned to him, a wide smile on his face. Zanka blinked at him, snapping into focus and a question on the tip of his tongue. Before he could ask, however, Enjin spoke up.
“You good man? You’ve been quiet for a while.” His voice held something -some emotion- that Zanka couldn’t recognize. Still, the teen nodded, a small smile on his face.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired after all that.” Enjin nodded, and turned back to his conversation with Gris, completely forgetting about Zanka. He ignored the hurt in his chest as his father-figure ignored him, but he was used to it. After all, his father had never truly cared about him.
Dinner continued on, louder and happier, and eventually the group piled into the transport, Enjin behind the wheel as usual, music blasting and people chattering. Zanka smiled, watching his team interact, knowing he wouldn’t be able to see it much longer.
He shook his head, shoving that thought aside. He wouldn’t think of that while he was here, with his friends. Later, he told himself, he would think about that later.
The door to his bedroom opened easily, and closed quietly behind him. The lock slid into place with a barely audible click, and Zanka signed, allowing himself to slouch, and leaned against the door. He closed his eyes, and sucked in a deep breath, letting Lovely Assistaff lean against the wall. He slowly released his breath, and staggered forward, shedding his clothes piece after piece as he made his way towards his dresser.
Zanka quickly changed into his pajamas, (a soft and oversized black long sleeve shirt and green fleece pants) and plopped onto his bed, drawing his knees to his chest and took in another deep breath. It did nothing to ease the emptiness in his chest, but he did it anyway.
The thoughts from before returned with force, pushing past everything else in his mind. Thoughts of how he shouldn’t be here, how his family friends would be better off without him. He was a waste of space, a waste of air, a waste of food. He thought of Lovely Assistaff, and how she would’ve been better off with a different giver, a more stable person who would treat her right. He shoved down the hurt in his chest at the thought of Lovely with anyone but himself, though he knew she deserved better.
His family was right, he was worth nothing, he meant nothing, and his life would amount to nothing.
The best thing he’d ever accomplish would be ridding the world of a worthless person like himself.
Zanka shook his head. Soon, he told himself. But first, he had some things to do.
After all, he’d already been waiting for weeks. He’d decided after he lost in the trash beast, when Jabber had been an absolute asshole and exchanged their blood on their chokers. Reminded himself after every loss to the man after that, every time they met up in the middle of the night and fought till they were sick.
There were only 6 weeks left until he would kill himself.