Chapter Text
It’s bright. Birds chirp from outside the window. Pomni can only assume they were sitting right on the windowsill with how loud their melody was. The noise drills into her ears.
She has the curtains drawn, only a small beam of light leaks into her room to indicate what a nice day it is. She doesn’t care, it could be the nicest day of the decade and she wouldn’t give it a second thought. Her hand plays in the dust motes in the air, watching the slow churning of the particles allows her mind to slow. She imagines herself as a dust mote, moving swiftly away from whatever disruptor comes towards her. Just a brief moment of frenzy before calming again to a floating object.
How unbearable.
Pomni turns to her side, facing the window. The sharp tweets continue, each note causing her mind to restart the ferocious bombardment of thoughts.
Pomni was a princess. The princess. The only heir in her kingdom, set to inherit the throne. It’s no secret that her aging father is slowing down, glances from the handmaids and the whispers that travel down the empty hallways is evidence enough of the growing concern in the castle. Subtlety seems to have flown out the window after an especially bad stroke of illness befell onto her father.
It’s all Pomni ever hears about. Her friends she could once seek counsel in, give her long worried glances when passed in the castle. They used to giggle about the rumors surrounding the village, or tease when a friend's eye had been caught by a particularly dazzling traveler; that was no more. Isolation fell onto her quickly. She feels alienated in her own home, judged by her peers through beaming smiles and warm reassurances.
Pomni presses the palms of her hands to her eyes, hoping to release some of the pressure she feels building in her head. It doesn’t work.
She groans loudly, there’s a slight hiccuping sob in the noise, hinting to how close she is to the point of tears. She hopes the guards positioned outside of her door didn’t hear. Although it was such a feeble noise, there wasn’t much chance it would be heard from across her room.
The singing birds stop their chittering. Finally, something Pomni had done created a reaction. Something could at least hear her cries, and feared her, even if it was just instinctual.
The sad straws of triumph quickly slip through Pomni’s fingers.
The silence is arguably worse.
Pomni purses her lips and lets a shrill, high note emerge from her mouth. The silence stretches on. It seems like an eternity before the high note is returned with a bit more elegance and purpose than Pomni was able to produce.
She sighs. It would be time to leave her room soon. Even though it isn’t entirely comforting to be shackled up and alone in her bed, it’s better than the dread she would surely feel as she walked herself into her inevitable future. A future with little power, and a stranger by her side. A stranger would be calling the shots for her kingdom, her people.
She feels like a pawn.
Pomni’s solemn isolation is interrupted by a rap at her door. The sudden noise causes her to jump, the gold crown that sits atop her head threatens the fall.
“Your highness? Not to rush you my-lady, but King Kinger has been requesting your presence for quite some time now. I’m afraid I can’t allow him to wait any longer!” The worried voice of Pomni’s head lady-in-wait, Gangle, hurriedly comes through the door.
Before Pomni is able to slip her shoes back on and make her way to the door, Gangle has already stuck her head into the room.
She wears a worried look, her eyes scanning the room. Her vision lands on the nest of blankets and pillows in disarray on Pomni’s bed. Not very princess-like. A little frown etches itself into the fretting woman’s porcelain face.
Pomni fixes her crown and flattens her wild hair before Gangle can get a glimpse of it; it’s the small things that will make her crack nowadays. The amount of stress she’s been under is immense, and it’s been showing on her face for weeks. Pomni has been less than pleasant when it comes to doing anything, and that’s been a lot on Gangle. She really does try her best at making Pomni happy.
Pomni feels her stomach twist with a twinge of guilt.
She really has gotten so selfish recently.
“I apologize Gangle, I just got caught up in my thoughts. I’ll make my way to the throne room now, thank you.”
The stressed woman’s face slackens slightly, and lets out a breath. Pomni didn’t notice her holding it. Gangle opens her mouth to say something but Pomni turns quickly and begins her journey to the throne room.
An escort was most likely going to be offered but Pomni didn’t want that right now. She needed time alone to collect her thoughts one final time. The next couple weeks are going to be filled with constant empty conversations and forced smiles that last long enough to make her cheeks hurt.
The sharp sounds of tapping shoes fill the corridor as Pomni hurriedly makes her way to the central throne room. She had begrudgingly been pushing off the meeting for hours, unwilling to cast her gaze, or offer a semblance of a thought to the men she would soon be forced to marry.
The topic of her future engagement had been a soft murmur around the kingdom for years now, and finally, her father couldn’t stay ignorant to her obvious avoidance of the arrangements. After weeks of fighting and yelling, Kinger put his fatherly sympathy aside and began thinking for the future of the kingdom. The kingdom Pomni would soon inherit. With her new husband.
Royal letters were sent out to the neighboring kingdoms; then farther regions Pomni had no knowledge of. There had been plenty of time for Pomni to prepare, but no amount of preparation could make the ache of your life being sold away lessened. She has a royal duty, and she doesn’t have a choice in whether she can fulfill it or not.
Her mother had passed away shortly after Pomni’s birth, taking a male heir out of the picture. Pomni had to be strong for her mother. And her father, she supposed, though they were not on good terms. She still loved him very much.
Pomni is shaken from her thoughts when she approaches the old wooden door to the Throne room. Potentially, her future husband would be on the other side of the doors. The thought made Pomni sick.
One of the guards eyes her from his post. His brows furrow slightly and Pomni can only imagine the slight green tint her skin might be showing.
He doesn’t look very familiar Pomni thinks to herself. He must be a part of the new recruitment batch.
The guard begins to open his mouth to speak but Pomni raises a polite hand to cut him off. She gives the man a quick smile before taking a deep breath, stifling the tremble in her hand, and walking through the threshold.
The throne room is warm with candle flames and smoke, the drapes have all been drawn back, allowing the bright sunlight to stream into the room. The arrangement doesn’t help the accumulation of sweat Pomni has gathered into her palms. She subtly wipes her hands on her dress, but it doesn’t help. There’s a lump in her throat.
This is miserable.
Pomni quickly rids her head of the thought. This is her legacy, her purpose. Her duty.
She knew for a fact her father wouldn’t sell her off to just anyone. The man she is to marry would be respectful and kind.
And would hopefully leave her alone most of the time. Hopefully.
Yeah, her father wouldn’t just tell her to marry the first man to stride down the carpet, asking for her hand in marriage.
Right?
Right.
This sentiment was a delusion though and Pomni knew it. Her happiness was not the top priority in politics. If it were, she wouldn’t be in this situation, there would be no talk of suitors, and certainly no wedding. Her father will need to consider all the angles when picking a suitor for Pomni; what region he’s from and if the kingdom he represents will have any beneficial opportunities in our kingdom. Will our army expand? Will our economy grow? Will our townspeople be taken care of adequately? All of these variables will have to be taken into consideration.
The soft plush of carpet muffles her timid steps as she makes her way to her throne. There’s a dull chatter that echoes throughout the room. Her father is enthralled in a conversation with a suitor, or Pomni would assume as much. The prince has his back turned to her, the lime green suit he wears sticks out sorely in contrast to the warm tones of the room. The voice of the man seems to be shrill and annoying. Pomni hopes her father is quick to reject this man because a life of hearing that voice in her ear would certainly drive her mad.
Finally, Kinger notices Pomni’s slow approach, his eyes lighting up at her before quickly skirting away, probably recalling how upset Pomni was with him.
“Pomni my dear! We’ve been awaiting your arrival, today is going to be busy busy busy! Many fine men have traveled here with the goal of seeking your hand!” The man puts on a chipper voice when addressing her, obviously trying to lighten the brooding energy Pomni has brought to the atmosphere.
Pomni just gives her father a tight smile and takes her place on the throne next to his.
Her attention is now directed to the stranger in front of her, his glaringly bright suit is still the most noticeable thing about him. The features of the man are almost nonexistent. Seemingly carved from wood, lifeless eyes stare back at her. They move jaggedly, as if the sockets are too tight to allow fluid movement. While the face of the man wasn’t ugly, it wasn’t very remarkable either. If Pomni went out into her village, she would easily be able to spot a dozen townsfolk that resemble the wooden man exactly.
But her father didn’t care about looks obviously. What could this man’s kingdom offer for our kingdom?
A little gummy bear comes into view, a scroll held between its paws. This must be the Prince’s escort. The bear clears its throats.
“Your royal majesty, King Kinger, I thank you for your time. Allow me to introduce to you, Prince Limelight, from the kingdom of citrus. He is at the top of his studies and is currently fluent in five different languages. Our kingdom is a land of propagation and prosperity. Wheat fields, orchards, and livestock are of the highest qualities.”
The Prince is bolstered by the boasting of his escort, his chest puffs and Pomni can’t help but roll her eyes. In doing so, a figure catches her eye. A familiar one.
The escort continues its babbling, and Pomni tunes it out. It’s obvious no one is paying attention to her. Her father has a serious look of concentration, he hangs onto every word the escort says, and the prince is doing the same.
Her eyes lock onto the figure of a certain knight.
Her knight.
Jax
He doesn’t meet her eye, he rarely does. Especially now, when she’s currently meeting her potential spouse.
The anxiety that had slowly been calming within Pomni rears its nasty head and a hard ache stabs at her lungs. For a moment she just stares at the knight, before she catches a glimpse of her slowly reddening skin and forces herself to take a subtle, deep breath.
Jax was a frequent around the main throne room and other important meeting places. He was a high ranking official. He had begun his training years prior. Pomni remembered his first year in the knights program.
A scrawny young man, not much weight on him but the determination that radiated from him was palpable in the air. He quickly became the main topic of gossip amongst the handmaids and ladies in waiting. And Pomni took a large part in the conversation as well. Giggling fantasies were exchanged between the girls, squealing themselves silly at the thought of ever confessing to the man. This was how a lot of the girls’ sleepovers would go. No matter who the knight, or village boy was, the ladies of the castle would somehow rile themselves up to a point of no sleep. Most of the time Pomni would just laugh along with the others, teasing and poking fun at their silly crushes.
When it came to Jax though, the slight tint of pink that spread across her face was evident. Sometimes when passing one another in the corridors, he would flash his wide grin at her. The feelings were mutual between the two, but they were rarely acted upon. A few kisses had been shared as the two grew closer in their brief meetings, but finding a moment where the two are in comfortable solitude is rare.
That was years ago, when the weight of their responsibilities hadn’t caught up to them yet.
Since then Jax has climbed the ranks. Quickly and easily asserting himself as a valuable asset to the military within the castle. He had been appointed as Pomni’s personal knight and escort. When she first heard the news of him reporting to her, the excitement she felt was overwhelming. Her ladies in wait all congratulated her and began the endless stream of teasing and knowing, smug, looks in the hallways. It was fun at first.
The two never allowed their relationship to get serious. The cost of getting caught was too great. Pomni would become a shame to her kingdom, a failure to upkeep her family's reputation. Jax would be deranked at the least, executed at the worst. A knight, despite his high rank, has no business intermingling with the princess.
Pomni realizes she’s been staring for far too long and snaps her attention back to her father and the suitor. Their conversation has somehow turned towards the topic of endangered insect species. Well, it was more-so a ranting monologue from her father, the suitor looked lost. The escort looks quite annoyed.
Pomni places a soft hand on her fathers arm, hoping to draw him out of his excited spiral and drag him back onto topic. He startles at her touch, eyes quickly coming back into focus. He clears his throat.
“Excuse my babbling, let’s get back to business!” There’s a slight look of embarrassment on his face, recently, he’s gotten much worse at staying on track. His mind just can’t focus on the important subjects anymore, that’s why it was finally time to shovel off the responsibilities to Pomni.
The meeting only lasted a few more minutes, but as soon as that suitor left, another one strode proudly into the room. This cycle repeats for hours. By the time the air was orange with the light of the setting sun, Pomni was thoroughly drained. Her head hurt from the mix of heavy colognes each man wore, it was like they had bathed in the stuff before coming to see her.
Finally, the last suitor for the day takes his leave. She deflates in her throne, hands coming to rub her face. Her cheeks are sore from the tight grin she’d been sporting for most of the day. The amount of self proclaimed ‘comedians’ that walked through those doors was staggering.
From the corner of her eye, she can see her father fidgeting with a tuft of his robe. He was going to say something to her. Before he has the chance Pomni pushes herself away from her chair and swiftly makes her way to the door. She pauses and glances back at Jax.
He finally meets her gaze. He looks tired, dark bags have begun to appear below his eyes. Their eyes linger on one another’s for a moment more before Pomni turns and leaves the room.
***
Pomni falls into her bed, exhausted. There’s a pressure in her head, and it hurts. Her heart feels like it’s throbbing to escape from her chest, to fly away into the horizon and never have to step into this forsaken kingdom again.
She groans and rolls onto her back. Her eyes wander the folds in her canopy, picturing herself traversing the hilly terrain, or finding a snug fit and sleeping against the fabric as it hugs her tight. The thought soothes her and her eyelids grow heavy. She should really change out of her gown.
There’s a soft knock on the door and Pomni grunts, not really giving an answer to the visitor of if they can enter or not. The door opens anyway. Gangle slinks into the room, her hands fidgeting with each other at the front of her dress.
Pomni doesn’t say anything and turns her back to the woman, hoping she takes the hint that Pomni wants to be left alone. She doesn’t and Pomni tenses when she feels a light ribbon touch her back.
“I brought you some tea. And I ordered a bath to be made ready upon your return. The maids should be almost done with that.” Gangle's voice was soft, soothing. Pomni relaxed into the light touch of the woman behind her. Gangle lightly traced the folds in her dress. Pomni shivered.
“Let’s get you out of these heavy clothes.”
Pomni allows herself to be stripped bare, she stares at herself in the mirror the whole process. Her eyes are dull and tired, the usual rosiness on her cheeks was muted now to the color of a muddy terracotta.
Pomni allowed herself to be guided by gangle into her bathroom. The air was warm and humid, the scent of soft oils and incense filled the room. Pomni slips out of her heels and the cool tile on her feet feels very nice. She sighs, allowing herself to relax.
A small assortment of fruits is placed on the edge of the bath, Pomni picks up a piece of melon and pops it into her mouth.
“Thank you Gangle, this is more than enough for tonight. Please feel free to turn in early today.” Pomni gives a soft smile and the woman returns it.
“Yes M’lady, please have a good rest of your evening. Order for me if you need anything.” She leaves the bathroom with a small wave, her door shutting quietly behind her.
The water is nice and Pomni must have sat in it for at least two hours. By the time she gets out the sun has fully set and her fingers have wrinkled. Her feet slap the tile floors as she makes her way back to her room. A set of pajamas has been laid out on her freshly made bed.
She feels better, there’s still dread deep in her stomach but for now, the throbbing panic has subsided. She’s grateful for Gangle, and she should really figure out how to show that more. Gangle knows how Pomni feels about this organized marriage, and shares the sentiment. Gangle isn’t forced to marry anyone but she is prohibited from having any relationships. Kinger would like the servants within the castles to remain focused on their work, and any distraction from work is a liability.
He wasn’t always like this, there was once a time when the rules weren’t as strict. When her mother was alive, Kinger was a wonderful man. A loving man. He was by no means a terrible man or father, but the relationship was certainly different.
While rolling over her thoughts, Pomni slips into the clothes Gangle had laid out and crawls into bed. She feels more awake since her bath, it can’t be later than 9pm at this point. Maybe she should read a book, or practice her writing.
A sharp knock from the door makes her pause. The sound came so fast she wasn’t sure if it was even at her door. After a moment of still silence the noise comes again, a little more urgent with additional knocks being added.
Pomni scrambles out of bed, almost tripping over her sheets when they refuse to let her feet go. She swears under her breath. She cracks open the door and a figure slips in quickly and silently. As soon as it happens the door is being pushed closed.
Jax looms over her, his index finger scratches at the wood of the door nervously. Pomni blinks a couple times, trying to assess what’s happening. The man stands before her, in full uniform. His metal armor gleams soft in the candle light of the room. The fireplace sets the room into a dim orange light, making it somewhat difficult to read his features. His head hangs down in order to look her in the eye, casting a shadow over the two of them. His cape hangs lamely at his side, flowing softly every time the man shifts his stance. His chest heaves slightly, like he’d been running. Or panicking. Maybe this was the result of her delayed reaction to opening the door. His eyes are trained on her uncertainly. They shift up and down her form, assessing her.
“What… What took you so long?” He breathed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he pulled his hand from the door. He repositions it to rest on his hip. He looks at her with an underlying emotion she can’t quite place.
Pomni is a bit flabbergasted, why is he asking that as if she was supposed to be expecting him? A glance in the hall was certainly not an invitation into her room.
“What are you doing here?” She whispers. The cost of him getting caught in her room at night was deadly. Her heart rate is spiking and she can hear it pounding in her ears.
He looks at her a moment more before turning and walking deeper into her room. He flops down onto one of the small couches in the center of the room.
“Jax.” She hisses his name, following him to his resting place. An arm is slung over his eyes so he fails to to her scowling down at him. His ears twitch slightly so he must know how close she is. They remain in this stagnant position for a minute. Eventually Pomni gives up and makes her way to the couch next to him. Her eyes stay trained on him, and they remain this way.
A fire had been started, Gangle must have done it before retiring for the night. The flames cast warm light and shadows dance around the room. Pomni feels hypnotized by the movements. It’s a comfortable silence and the panic Pomni felt earlier fades. Jax is a high enough ranking to have his own personal quarters in the castle, he doesn’t have roommates to rat him out if he doesn’t return home for the night.
She glances back at Jax and finds his gaze already on her. His eyes are glowing in the firelight. Her heartbeat quickens but she refuses to break her gaze. Her hands wring themselves on her pants. Jax had only been in her room a couple of times over the years, and most of those visits were for official business. But it had been months since his last appearance here.
“Today was…rough.” Her own voice breaks the silence, it’s still a whisper. Jax doesn’t respond.
“I’m sorry you had to witness all that. It was awful for me, but I’m sure it was just as bad for you. Standing all stoic and serious the whole time. My back would kill home if I had to stand all day.” Her attempt to get a reaction out of him succeeds, at least a little bit. He huffs back at her, head slowly shaking.
“Yeah, I’m obviously having a worse day. I have to stand like I do every other day. Real rough.” He gives her a little smile, but his brows furrow. “You don’t need to play-cate me.”
“Sorry.”
The two fall back into silence, the atmosphere a little heavier. Pomni almost falls asleep again before Jax decides to speak.
“Are you going to see more suitors tomorrow?” His voice is closer than before, she opens her eyes. He’s moved himself off of the couch and is now seated directly in front of the fire, the outline of his fur glows orange. He shifts to look back at her, his eyes dark.
“Yes.”
She’s met with silence. He turns back to the fire, his back to her.
“You know, it’s not like I want this. I don’t want anything to do with these strangers.” She doesn’t know why she feels the need to explain herself, she doesn’t owe the man in front of her anything. They weren’t together, and they weren’t really close either.
“What do you want then?”
“I don’t… I wouldn’t want my life dictated. I don’t want to be a pawn for political gain. I- I love my kingdom, and my people but, I don’t think I love them enough to go marry a stranger willingly. Of course I’ll still get married, but I won’t do that without a fight and getting the best option I can.” Her chest feels tight. She knows that isn’t really what he has asked her.
“ I want… to live somewhere beautiful. Somewhere far away, with a forest and a pond to swim in and fish during the summer. I don’t need fancy things… while I appreciate the niceties now, they’re not vital. I’m still unhappy, despite the lavish life I have… gosh that sounds so selfish.” Her head bows, she stares at her hands, her fingers intertwining and unwinding themselves periodically. “I think I would be happy with that life.”
Jax hums and nods slowly in approval. “That sounds nice. And you could have a horse pin or something, or cows.” He thinks for a moment and grins. “ Or pigs! Those creatures are savages, I’ve seen it! When I was stationed in the village, the amount of kids that would fall into the pig pens was awful. Those bastards eat anything they can get their nasty teeth on.” He looks her up and down, she’s watching him with wide eyes. “You’d be easy pickings with your height and all.”
”Ew! What an awful thing to say!” But Pomni is giggling, she throws a pillow at his head. It doesn’t hit as hard as she would’ve liked but Jax is looking back at her, smiling. He turns back to the fire. Pomni observes the soft petting he does to the fur hem of his cape. It’s relaxing watching the slow methodical movements.
Pomni smiles to herself and watches the shadows dance over Jax’s silhouette. He’s very pretty right now. He turns again and looks at her, brows furrowed.
“You know, I could help you get out of here.”
“What?
“I can help you escape. I know the woods surrounding the kingdom, I have a horse, I have people who will cover for me. I can help you get what you want. If we do it right, I think you could avoid getting caught.”
Pomni stares at him. What was he saying? Does he think she could seriously just leave, certainly not. She had her royal responsibilities. If she leaves now there would be no heir when her father inevitably passes. The kingdom would fall, and then what? There would be wars over the land, and based on the track record of the surrounding kingdoms, the battles would be bloody. Some of the most powerful militaries surround her kingdom. And even if she was able to escape, she realistically wouldn’t be able to do anything on her own. She’s been tended to her whole life, and has no real world experience. It was embarrassing to admit how helpless she would be out in the world, but it was true. Was he proposing to go… with her?
“You… you’re just saying that cause you want to throw me into a pig pen.” She doesn’t want to acknowledge his idea.
He can see her bewilderment and tsks. “It was just an offer, if you’re so miserable.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it… but you know I can’t.”
“Yeah.”
It’s awkward.
Suddenly Jax stands and stretches, his eyes observing the room around him.
“I better go, it’s getting late.”
“Oh, ok.”
Pomni walks him to the door, her heartbeat begins to quicken. Jax stands looking at her, that same unknown, underlying feeling welling up behind his bright yellow eyes.
He suddenly grabs onto her hand and plants a small kiss to the back of it. This small action feels heartbreaking, like this was a final goodbye. Her stomach drops and she feels sick. She doesn’t want this meeting to be the last time she sees him.
“Goodnight princess, I’ll see you around.” He gives her a small wave and quickly slips out the door.
Pomni stands, staring at the place he had once been. Her heart aches, she knows his feelings for her, and vice versa, but they simply couldn’t be together. Small romantic acts were rare from Jax, but they weren’t non-existent. Sometimes Pomni would return to her room and a rose would be placed on her pillow, or a little drawing of the flowers in the garden. Occasionally there would be a small bag of sweats from the town. It was these little sentiments that made her heart continue to beat for him.
What the hell was that? He, very foolishly, had just risked his life to sneak into her room. His life for 30 minutes of awkward conversation. What an idiot. He has no regard for either of their lives and it was infuriating.
Still a little shocked, and angry, Pomni crawls back into her bed, closes her eyes, and falls into a deep sleep.