Chapter Text
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Off went that damn alarm. A figure stirs underneath blankets before an arm picks the infernal device up and threatens to throw it against the wall before it remembers it’s actually a fragile smartphone instead of a hard plastic alarm clock. A second hand emerges and blindly presses the screen until the infernal noise ceases and a sigh of relief is heard from the depths.
Eventually a figure rises from the cozy entrapment of the blankets and glares at the sun that fucked with his eyes from the one piece of window the curtains were unable to cover. Grumbling the figure of a young man leaves the embrace of his warm bed and into the daily grind that is being unemployed.
Ah yes, the daily grind of being ghosted by anyone he sends his resume to. Another day of absolutely nothing. Every day for the past year he silently thanks his father for having shady deals with the underworld (an open secret for anyone in the know, he even has his own folder in the GCPD database), needing to launder money which he does through his apartment and living expenses, not to mention his own mansion (that passed down to him from his grandfather and so on that’ll eventually be his one day) and lavish lifestyle. Yep, this looks like it’s going to be one of those days. After another day of absolutely nothing but eating, browsing the web and sending his resume again, it’s time for bed. Surely another day of this awaits him.
Another week of this passes by.
The next day as he’s having breakfast, the most unusual thing happened: he got a knock on the door. Opening it he finds nobody but the main reason he’s not sleeping outside in a cardboard box at the mercy of some insane villain with a grudge against the homeless: His father.
“Dad!” he exclaims as the older man greets him with a smile and a hug, not caring if his expensive suit gets stained by his son’s breakfast.
“Vincent, it’s been a long time!” he exclaims patting him on the back “May I come in?” “Oh sure! Come right in.”
Vincent snaps out of his surprise and takes his father in, who looks around at the barren yet surprisingly tidy living room he wasn’t expecting a single man to have. Finding the couch, he sits on it while Vincent sits on a nearby stool.
“So… father, what brings you here? I mean, not that I’m not glad you come to visit but this is the first time you’ve done so since we were kicked out of our first home.” Vincent starts to rant before being stopped by a hand held up. “It’s alright, I get it. But this is a special occasion my son. But first, take a wild guess what could it be?” as he talks, he pulls a piece of paper out of his coat.
“Hmm… GCPD is finally after you and/or your business partner?” Vincent guesses.
“They wish but no. Try again Vince.”
“Mom died?!”
“If only she could ever be so lucky. Your mother will never be the same again.” “Yeah... bummer. I made myself sad. Well, I give up, I can only guess it has to do with that piece of paper in your hand”
His father nods and hands it to him. “I heard of your labor issues so I pulled some strings and decided to help you. Don’t worry about paying me back, you having your own future secured is enough for me”
Vincent opens the paper and finds a letter telling him he’s been hired to work as a delivery driver in one of his father’s associates’ money laundering fronts. “Gotham Packaging Center? The Penguin’s open secret money laundering scheme?”
“The very same one. Mister Cobblepot found out about your big secret and is very interested in having you on board”
At the mention of ‘secret’ he feels a chill down his spine and his eyes bulge out “W-Which secret, father?”
“Oh, you know, the one where you can travel from one place to another as long as you’re touching a toilet with anything with an address written on it. How do you call it anyway, toiletportation?”
Ah yes, the special ability he discovered one night when he was sixteen years old and was ready to meet his prom date Tammy Brown. If only he hadn’t needed to go potty at that moment or even leave his declaration of love anywhere on his person or he wouldn’t have teleported to her bathroom. While she was showering. Needless to say, he went to prom alone and his crush moved to Metropolis before the next school year and never saw her again.
“I… still haven’t named it, dad.” He replies, putting that name aside for later. Finishing reading the letter he puts it away. “Wow… I don’t know what to say. Thanks dad, I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t. You start tomorrow and don’t be late. You may have a boss but Cobblepot’s word is final and you don’t want to be pecked by a flightless bird.” Both father and son laugh. “Well, that was that. It was nice chatting with you son, but I have other things to deal with. And you need to prepare for your new job.”
After he leaves Vince is left alone in his living room pondering the new sudden paradigm shift in his life. A new job. New responsibilities. No more doing nothing for the whole day. Clearly too much to take.
He does the mature and responsible thing: He opens the window, pulls his head out and yells “FUCK YES!”; he’s met with a cacophony of “SHUT UP!” and gunshots which makes him close the window immediately. He’s so ready.
He goes on to finish his daily routine, getting ready for the new day ahead. Truly a new chapter in his life as a productive member of society. For the first time in a very long time he went to bed content, happy and with a smile on his face.