Chapter Text
The sight of him is enough to throw Liam’s entire universe out of focus.
One second he’s walking out of the grocery store and to his car, thinking about what he’s going to make for dinner that night, the next, he finds himself frozen, unable to move, facing the person he least expected to run into again. It’s been five years. Five long fucking years and Liam would be lying to himself if he said he’d never thought about the guy within that time. Probably more than he’d like. If he could move, he would run; run far, far, away and never look back. Liam made a promise to himself long ago that he would never ever get sucked back in.
But he is standing right here, staring right at him and there’s nowhere for Liam to go.
He only says one word.
“Liam?”
He looks different, older. Better too, but Liam banishes the thought away immediately.
“Harry.”
Liam thinks of how to continue but his mind can’t form any words. Harry leans forward, as if he’s about to hug Liam, but he hesitates and flinches back. He smiles at Liam; that same sweet smile that Liam was so used to seeing everyday for 10 years before Harry up and left.
“How have you been?” Harry asks. And it feels weird, forced.
How has he been? The question elicits many responses from Liam but he keeps them all internalized. He ignores the question completely.
“What are you doing here Harry?”
Liam could see Harry take a breath, his eyes shifting slightly.
Three words. It took three words to unravel everything.
“I moved back.”
“You moved back?”
Harry can tell that Liam is uncomfortable. He can’t exactly blame him. The last time they spoke things weren’t exactly… cordial. But, it’s been five years and Harry had hoped that maybe Liam would have forgiven him by now. In the last five years they’d only seen each other once; at Liam’s father’s funeral. Harry had flown back down for the week. They hadn’t spoken. Liam was obviously pre-occupied with other things, but Harry had hoped his presence had been enough. But that was two years ago. And Harry was tired of carrying the guilt around with him.
“Yeah… a week ago, actually.” Harry begins, he can see Liam’s face fall even further. “I tried emailing you, but I never got a response. And I didn’t have your number anymore. I even tried going by your old house, but I saw the ‘for sale’ sign outside.”
“Yeah,” Liam sighs. “Mom’s been trying to sell it for about 6 months now, with no luck.”
“I’m sorry. Why does she want to move? I always liked it there.”
Harry notices Liam avert his gaze at the last statement.
“Yeah, well, since I moved out it’s just too big of a space for her.” Liam responds curtly.
Harry is about to continue speaking, but before he has a chance to say anything he’s distracted by something when Liam brushes a curl out of his eyes. Harry’s stomach drops.
“Is that a ring?”
He doesn’t even realize he’s spoken out loud until Liam instinctively glances down at his hand. He takes another breath.
“Yeah… I’m engaged.”
--
Liam waits for Harry to respond but he’s just standing there, staring at Liam’s ring and it makes him uncomfortable. He shouldn’t feel bad. Harry was the one that had fucked everything up between them years ago. Harry was the one that had moved away abruptly and never looked back. And now here he was standing in front of Liam and claiming that he had moved back for good? Liam wanted to ask why he was back, but he stopped himself. It didn’t matter anymore. Harry was no longer his concern. It’s been such a long time since they’d even seen each other, what exactly didn’t Harry expect? That he’d be alone forever? Liam was finally happy, and he wasn’t going to feel guilty about it.
Finally, Harry speaks.
“When’s the wedding?”
Liam hesitates. He hopes Harry doesn’t expect to be invited. “Umm… this Saturday, actually.”
Harry laughs and tries not to let Liam see the hurt in his eyes. “That’s… ironic.” Of course a week after Harry comes home, the love of his life (or ex-love of his life, he should say) is getting married to someone else. Just perfect.
“I’m really happy for you, Liam.”
The words feel wrong on Harry’s lips but he refuses to let Liam see his pain. He lost Liam a long time ago, and now Liam was happy with someone else, Harry would not ruin that for him.
“Listen… I should get going, I have to do a few other things today, but it was really nice seeing you again.” Harry cringes at all the cliché things coming out of his mouth but he doesn’t care. Right now he just has to get away. Maybe moving back here was a big mistake.
“Yeah,” Liam says, obviously relieved himself. “You too. Maybe I’ll see you around.”
Liam smiles at Harry briefly and heads towards his car. Harry continues walking the other direction, completely forgetting what he needed at the store to begin with. He goes inside and waits until he sees Liam drive off before exiting and rushing back to his own car as quickly as he can. The second he’s inside he pulls out his phone and dials his best friend Louis. He needs some emotional support right now. Louis picks up after 2 rings.
“What’s up Harry?”
Once he hears his best friends voice Harry tries his hardest not to break down right there in the parking lot.
“He’s fucking engaged!”
“Okay, calm down.” Louis says over the phone. It should help, Louis always knew exactly what to say, but somehow this feels like a much bigger problem than anything Harry’s faced before.
“Did you even hear what I said? He’s engaged Louis.” Harry takes a breath and waits for his best friend to respond.
“Okay. By ‘he’ I take it you mean Liam?”
Harry sighs loudly. Of course he means Liam; aka the only person he’s every spoken to Louis about. Harry tries not to freak out. He knows Lou is trying to lighten the conversation but he’s not in the mood.
“I shouldn’t have even come back. This was such a waste of time. I mean, what was I even thinking? To call him up and expect him to just instantly forgive me? I should just come home.”
“Are you kidding?” Now it’s Lou’s turn to yell. “Do you know how long I’ve had to listen to pine over this guy? And now, once you’ve finally listened to me and went back you want to run again? You promised me that you wouldn’t leave until you told him everything. So there is no way I’m letting you come back here so you can obsess over him for even longer. Just suck it up, Harold. Kiss him senseless if you have to. We all know you’re good at that.”
“But what if he doesn’t want me?” Harry continues “It’s been a long time. I should have known he would be happy with someone else. Even if he wasn’t he probably still wouldn’t want me. Too much has happened.”
“I don’t believe that. Anyone would be an idiot not to want you. You still have a chance.”
“What?” Harry almost screams into the phone. He’s engaged. Does Louis not understand what a huge deal this is?
“He’s engaged, Harold. Not married. There’s still time.”
Harry doesn’t respond. He needs time to think.
Liam comes home to his fiancé Zayn, whose busy talking to his parents on the phone. Liam gives him a weak smile, and then heads into the kitchen to unload the groceries. Liam can hear Zayn discussing the wedding and it makes Liam’s skin crawl. Up until today things were perfect. He loved Zayn. Zayn was a great guy. He was ready to get married and start planning their future. Why did he have to run into Harry today? There was less than a week until the wedding. He did not need this right now.
Liam puts the milk into the fridge and can’t help slamming it a little harder than normal. Harry just gets under his skin. It’s like a clock went off in his head and as soon as he knew that Liam was happy he came running back into his life.
Zayn walks into the room and Liam puts all his energy into forgetting about Harry. It’s harder than it seems.
“Everything okay?” Zayn asks tentatively. “I can hear you banging things around in here.” Zayn chuckles lightly, masking his concern.
Liam sighs quietly, then walks over to Zayn and puts his arms around his neck. “Yeah, I just had a long day.” Liam smiles at him softly and leans into kiss him, gently on the lips, then pulls away.
“You wanna talk about it?” Zayn asks, pulling Liam closer to him and winding his fingers into the back of his shirt.
“No, I think I just need to shower. Clear my head.”
“Okay.” Zayn says quietly and pulls away. Liam can tell that Zayn is hesitant to believe him, but Liam doesn’t care right now. This isn’t something he can talk to Zayn about. He had never told Zayn about Harry to begin with.
Later that night when Zayn is showering and getting ready for bed, Liam goes into his closet and pulls out and old box that’s labeled “family photos”. He scrambles to the bottom and pulls out a white envelope, a feint “H” scribbled on the top. It’s been ages since he’s looked in here. He knows he should have burned the envelope years ago, but he never had the courage. He scolds himself now for pulling it out again, but he can’t help it. Seeing Harry again stirred up all these old feelings and he can’t help but feel nostalgic. He flips through photo after photo, not being able to prevent the smile from creeping onto his face. He and Harry had met in the 3rd grade where they were paired for a project together. They’d instantly clicked and become best friends. Until things changed when they hit 12th grade and began dating.
Liam had to pause when he got to a particular photo. He remembered exactly when it was taken.
It was the beginning of their senior year, Liam and Harry had been dating for almost 4 months. “Dating” was more a loose term considering they’d never exactly specified what they were. Maybe that was their first mistake.
The alarm had gone off at 5:00 am. Normally Liam would never be up this early, not even on a school day, but he’d insisted that Harry left the house before his mom got up in the next hour. Liam had kept telling Harry that they couldn’t keep doing this; sneaking Harry in after midnight, staying up way too late doing things they should not be doing only a few rooms away from his parents, and sneaking him back out before school. But Harry was pretty impossible to resist.
Harry reaches over Liam to hit the snooze button, then snuggles in close, wrapping one his arms underneath Liam, the other curling into Liam’s hair.
“Harry, you have to go.”
“Mmmm.” Harry mumbles, barely moving. “But I’m so comfortable. Give me five more minutes…”
“Haz!” Liam laughs, pretending to rustle Harry but he doesn’t get very far and allows himself to sink back into his pillow. Watching Harry now, Liam wonders how he got so lucky.
Liam sighs, running a hand over Harry’s back and closes his eyes. “I love you.” He mutters, before realizing that he’s spoken out loud.
Harry instantly sits up, his hands stopped hard on Liam’s chest. “What did you say?”
Liam takes a breath, sits up a little straighter and looks Harry right in the eye.
“I love you.” He repeats, slowly and louder this time. He waits for Harry to say something but no words come out his mouth. He instead responds by leaning forward and catching Liam’s lips between his own. Liam feels Harry’s hands bracket the side of his head and he’s being pulled even closer. After a minute Harry pulls back, but he doesn’t remove his hands from Liam’s face.
“Why me?” He asks quietly and Liam wonders if he’s heard correctly.
“What do you mean?” He asks.
“Why do you love me? You could have anyone.” Harry whispers and Liam finds himself blushing. He could never respond to compliments well, especially when they come from someone like Harry. Everyone wanted Harry.
“Stop.” Liam smiles and looks away.
“I mean it.” Harry says more firmly, turning Liam’s head back towards him. “You’re so beautiful, Liam. And you don’t even know it.”
They kiss for a long time after that, and Liam knows that he’s pushing it. His mom could walk in any minute to wake him for school. But he doesn’t care. He wants to remember this moment forever.
Liam rolls Harry over so that he’s now pinned underneath him and he reaches to the nightstand to grab his phone.
“What are you doing?” Harry asked, confused.
“Taking a picture of us.” Liam smiles, turning on the phone application.
“No!” Harry whines, and attempts to cover his face with his hands.
“Come on!” Liam says, pulling Harry’s hands away. “We don’t have any together… not like this.”
Harry grunts again, but sits up next to Liam and lets him take one. After a few shots Harry grabs the camera away.
“Stop!” Liam persists and tries to grab the camera back.
“If we’re gonna do this, let’s make it a good one, yeah?” Harry smirks and leans in to kiss Liam softly. Liam can’t hear the sound of the snapshot but he sees the flash through his closed eyelids. It’s the first time he’s taken a “kiss” picture with someone. It’s pretty fitting that it’s with Harry too. They’ve shared a lot of firsts together already.
Liam grabs the phone back and starts fumbling with the buttons.
“What are you doing now?” Harry asks curiously; trying to peak over Harry’s shoulder.
“I’m sending it to you.” Liam says, sticking his tongue out at his boyfriend. “You better keep it.”
“I will.” Harry says, leaning in and kissing Liam again on his shoulder.
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
Liam is pulled out of his memory when Zayn enters the room. He has his pj’s on and his hair is still wet from his shower.
“What are you doing, babe?” Zayn leans his head against the doorframe, waiting.
Liam forces a smile and turns to look at Zayn. “Oh, just going through some old photos. I was thinking of doing a slide show for the reception.” Liam cringes at his own lie.
“That’s a great idea!” Zayn walks over to Liam and kneels next to him. “I’ll look through some of mine tomorrow. We could do it together.” Zayn smiles at him and Liam feels the guilt rise in his gut. Zayn is so perfect.
So how come all he can think about is Harry?
--
Harry second guesses his decision the moment he’s standing on the porch. He already rang the doorbell and he can hear footsteps lightly moving from inside. He hasn’t prepared what he’s gonna say, he doesn’t want to increase his nerves any further.
The door opens, Mrs. Payne answers and Harry plasters on a huge grin.
“Oh my goodness! Is that Harry Styles?”
She immediately reaches for Harry and pulls him in towards her and Harry can smell the familiar scent of her perfume that he was so used to smelling for years. It brings back a lot of memories and reminds Harry why he’s here in the first place. After debating between going home and sticking things out, he’s found himself here.
“Karen.” Harry pulls back, looking her in the face, “it’s really nice to see you.”
She drags him inside and takes his coat from him. Harry didn’t really have plans to stay, but he can’t exactly refuse.
Once he’s inside he can’t stop himself from looking around, taking everything back in. It feels so weird being back here, especially without him.
“Liam never said you were back in town! So you’ve come back for the wedding then?”
Harry isn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t exactly invited but he doesn’t want to let her down. He and Liam were best friends growing up, and their relationship had been a secret from everyone, but clearly Liam never even mentioned their falling out to her.
“Actually…” Harry begins “I moved back for good.” Harry decides to leave out the part about the wedding. So in a way he’s not exactly lying about it.
“Oh, I am sure Liam is so happy!” Harry smirks. Yeah right. “Do you want something to drink, hun?”
“No, no,” Harry rushes, he has no intentions of staying “actually, I was here because I was hoping you could tell me where he lives now?”
After interrogating Harry with questions about why he doesn’t already have this information, (Harry says he lost his cell phone; so much for not lying), and bombarding him with questions about his own love life (Harry lies again and says he’s sorta dating someone back home) and finally telling Harry how he’ll have to stop by more often before the house is sold, she gives him what he’s looking for and he’s on his way.
Liam probably won’t be very happy to see him, but for once he’s gonna take Louis’s advice.
He’s gonna get Liam back.
The problem is that Harry didn’t really anticipate Zayn opening the door. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected exactly, but it wasn’t that.
It was pretty much an understatement to say that Zayn was gorgeous. He had this beautiful dark skin and dark hair and light brown eyes that just glowed, and damn, those cheekbones. He could literally be a model if he were a little taller.
Harry tries not to be jealous but it’s pretty impossible. Maybe his personality sucks? Harry thinks to himself, but that thought is thrown out the window as soon as Zayn is pulling him in the door and offering to take his coat.
Harry’s a little confused, until Zayn tells Harry that he recognized him from some of Liam’s old photos and has always wanted to meet some of Liam’s old friends. Harry cringes at the word friend. Did anyone know the truth about him and Liam? Harry wonders how strong their relationship could actually be if Liam never even told Zayn about him, and it makes Harry feel a little better about his plans to break this engagement up.
“Liam’s not here, but he just texted a minute ago saying he was on his way if you want to wait?” Zayn asks politely and smiles and Harry feels the guilt slowly rising in his stomach. Of course Liam had to pick one of the good ones.
Harry hesitates. He could easily say never mind and run out the door. Pretend like he was never even here. Then he remembers what Louis told him on the phone just before coming and all the encouragement he gave Harry and he decides he should stick it out. At the very least he should talk to Liam; tell him the truth finally. And then Liam can decide what he wants to do.
“So I don’t want this to come off rude or anything, but I only really know about you from some pictures.” Zayn says, sitting down on the couch and signifying for Harry to do the same. “But Liam’s never really talked about you before. How close were you?”
Harry wants to laugh. Scream that he and Liam were just as close as they (Liam and Zayn) were now but he holds his tongue. When Harry responds that they were actually best friends growing up Zayn looks shocked.
“Wow, Liam never mentioned it. “
That stings.
Zayn continues. “So how come you’re not in the wedding?”
“Well, we kinda lost touch after graduation.” Harry says meekly, looking around the room. He’s starting to feel uncomfortable and really hopes Liam can come home soon so he can talk to him.
“Well, you’re at least gonna be there, right? Isn’t that why you’re here?”
Harry says for the third time that he actually moved back and wasn’t here for the wedding. He explains that he only just found out Liam was engaged and that’s why he’s here now, to try to make amends with Liam.
Harry can tell that Zayn wants to ask what happened between them, but he’s polite and doesn’t say anything else. Just tells Harry he thinks that’s a great idea and he would really want him to go.
Before Harry can really respond the front door is opening and Liam is walking in. When he sees Harry sitting with Zayn he stops in his tracks, looking between the two of them for an explanation.
“Liam, hi!” Zayn says immediately and rushes over to Liam, kissing him on the mouth to welcome him home. Harry looks away and waits.
“Harry, what are you doing here?” Liam asks; shock plastered all over his face.
“Actually…” Zayn interrupts, attempting to help Harry out “Harry wanted to make amends with you.”
Liam looks at Zayn, confused.
“He told me you guys kinda lost touch and I said that I think he should come to the wedding.”
Liam smiles at Zayn but Harry would recognize that look anywhere. Liam is not happy.
“Um, okay…” Liam responds, lightly rubbing Zayns back. “Why don’t you give us a minute to talk? You can maybe get dinner started and I’ll be in a minute?”
Zayn smiles at Liam and kisses him on the cheek once more before exiting the room.
As soon as he is gone Liam’s face falls and he nods at Harry to follow him outside.
This won’t be good.
How dare he.
Liam is seething. How dare Harry come to his house without any sort of warning, talk to his fiancé and practically invite himself to the wedding? What the fuck is he actually thinking?
“What are you doing here Harry?” Liam asks, not even attempting to hide his anger. They are outside, Zayn can’t hear.
Harry fidgets with his hands a little. “I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t really get a chance the other day.”
Liam sighs. What could Harry possibly have to say to him?
“How’d you even get this address?” Liam asks.
“I… kinda went to see your mom before I came here…”
Liam wants to punch something. Did Harry not realize how extremely difficult he was making things? No one had known about him and Harry’s past relationship and he didn’t want that information coming out now, not a few weeks before his wedding. What exactly what Harry’s agenda?
“Zayn was right," Harry speaks slowly, "I really do want to clear the air between us.”
Liam can tell that Harry is struggling with his words.
“There are some things I wanted to explain to you.”
Liam shakes his head at Harry and Harry wonders again if this was the right decision.
“Harry, there is absolutely nothing you can say to fix things between us.”
Harry cringes. That’s pretty much the last thing that he wanted to hear. It’s just confirmation that Harry’s doubts are true; Liam will never be able to forgive him.
“I understand that.” Harry says, defeated. He’d originally had this whole speech planned in his head (something he’d thought about saying to Liam for years) but standing here now, he realizes it was always just a ridiculous fantasy. He’s never gonna get Liam back.
“I just don’t want things to be awkward between us.”
Liam stares, waiting for Harry to continue.
“I’m back now and I know you’re never gonna forgive me for what I did to you, but if you’re truly happy with Zayn then… I’m happy for you. You completely deserve it, Liam.”
Harry feels like crying. He hates saying things that he clearly doesn’t feel but it’s important for Liam to believe that he’s being sincere.
Liam’s face falls a little and Harry wonders if it’s disappointment on his face or something else.
“I won’t go to the wedding if you don’t want me to. But, I just want to let you know that I am not here to cause any drama. I want things to be cordial between us, I can’t stand this weirdness.”
Harry tries his hardest not to cry. The last thing he wants is to see Liam marry someone else, but if he can’t be with Liam then he still wants him in his life as a friend. (Even if it’s an impossible dream and never going to be enough for him.)
Liam bites his lip and looks down, clearly thinking Harry’s words over.
Harry had half expected Liam to yell at him to go home, but his quietness is shocking and Harry has no idea what he’s gonna say.
Liam takes a breath.
“You can come to the wedding.”
Harry’s looks up. Did he hear correctly?
“But you need to know, I’m doing this for Zayn… not for you.”
Harry wonders how many more hits he can take before he’s down but he nods slowly, letting Liam know that he accepts. It may take a while, but he’ll prove to Liam he can be a good friend again.
Harry takes this sudden silence as his cue to leave. But before he turns around Liam is muttering something about sending Harry an official invite. If Harry wasn’t staring so hard at Liam he would have missed it, but he swears he see’s Liam’s eyes flicker to his mouth for a second before turning back around and heading inside.