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One week ago, if you had asked Zayn how his life would be turning out, he wouldn't have said like this; standing in front of his old apartment building, the one he thought he'd never be living at again. But things don’t always go as planned and the dark haired boy found himself dragging his luggage up the stairs and to his old apartment door, alone. It felt weird being back here. He'd always loved living here but he just thought that if he'd ever come back he'd be with his fiancé. But the person he had thought he was meant to be with was miles away, probably not even missing him.
It's not that things with Liam had been perfect, but they were pretty good, and Zayn thought that their relationship was going to be it. That he had found the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with.
But he'd been blindsided, left on his fucking wedding day for someone else. Zayn hadn’t even asked the details, he really didn’t want to know, he just needed to get away as quickly as he could. Worst of all, he probably should have seen it coming all along. Maybe it was his fault. How was it possible to be so completely wrong about one person? Zayn liked to believe there was someone out there for everyone, he had to. Zayn had so much love to give and he just wanted to share that with someone, but it seemed impossible to find. Maybe he was destined to be alone.
He probably shouldn’t have returned to his old life, but he knew nothing else and at the very least, the city was home. Perhaps it could be the fresh start he needed.
His arms are aching and back is throbbing, but at least he's almost to his apartment. This is his final trip and he only has one set of stairs left to take. He finally makes it to this top, thankful his door is the first one in the hall, but when he's fumbling with his keys he loses his grip and his suit case goes flying.
He curses at himself or not zipping it all the way up before making the exhausting trek up, but it’s too late now and he feels his cheeks burning red as his clothes and personal belongings scatter all the way down.
Of course its at this exact moment that a young man, looking not much younger than him, comes bolting out of his door, bleach blonde hair tousled messily in front, taking in the scene before him.
The first thing Zayn notices are his eyes. They are a striking blue, bluer then he's ever seen before, he can't really look away. The guy is about the same height as he is. He's walking towards Zayn slowly and he's got a huge smile on his face and Zayn can’t help but think how completely adorable he looks.
Zayn silently thanks the powers that be that be. A week ago he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be thinking these thoughts, but he's newly single now and he blames his sudden attraction to a complete stranger on the fact that he's ridiculously lonely.
The man says something then but Zayn doesn’t catch it because he's too busy staring but he thinks its something along the lines of, "need a hand there mate?" and Zayn isn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry from embarrassment.
To make things worse, Zayn just gawks at him, barely making a noise and the blonde boy laughs, his wonderful voice filling the space in the empty hallway.
"I'm Niall." He says, introducing himself and reaching a hand out towards Zayn who takes it maybe a little to eagerly and smiles weakly in return.
"Zayn" he sputters out and Niall reaches down to grab the first thing he sees on the steps, which happens to be a pair of Zayn’s black boxer briefs.
He laughs again and Zayn wonders if it could possibly get any worse.
--
It turns out that Niall just moved into the building and he’s a bit surprised when Zayn tells him he’s lived there for years and he’s only now returning.
While helping Zayn gather all of his things, Niall talks about his life; he’s Irish, which Zayn thinks is intriguing and he has a certain spark that Zayn’s never really seen in a person before. There’s just something about Niall that makes Zayn nervous, and he doesn’t talk a lot, just listens intently and tries really hard not to stare too much at the blonde boy.
At the very least Zayn is thankful to have someone so nice living right next door and he hopes that he and Niall can at least be friends. He wouldn’t hurt to have more people to talk to, and Zayn is secretly hoping that something more could come of this. His connection with Niall feels natural and something inside of him is able to relax when he’s near him. It’s the first time that he’s really though that things might just be okay.
They part ways and Zayn thinks he offers to show Niall around the city sometime, but he can’t quite remember if that actually happened because the whole conversation seemed to go by in a blur.
--
It’s a week after he moves back in that he finally makes good on his promise. He ran into Niall a few more times after that and sufficiently made a fool of himself each time by stuttering his words and ending the conversation too quickly. Zayn’s never acted like this around someone before and it’s scaring him a little.
Luckily Niall has more balls then he does and mentions Zayn offer and the two decide to get coffee together down the street.
The setting is so relaxed and the sun is getting ready to set and Zayn feels content. Even though they aren’t saying much Zayn is buzzing. But he’s calm and he’s finally able to let his guard down a little and converse with Niall.
Niall asks him why he moved away and Zayn hangs his head, unsure of how exactly to tell the story.
“Actually…” he replies slowly, “I was engaged.”
Niall nods his head slowly and Zayn wonders what he’s thinking. He doesn’t give him a chance to respond and continues.
“Long story short… he was in love with his ex boyfriend.”
Zayn hesitates briefly before saying he, unsure of how Niall will respond. He thinks he sees a small smirk on his face and Zayn wonders what it means. He doesn’t have to wonder much longer when he feels Niall brush his hand lightly over his own, and Zayn’s skin immediately prickles at the touch.
“His loss.” Niall says quietly, staring right at Zayn. The moment is really charged, and it’s probably too soon for this but Zayn can’t find himself caring. He likes Niall and he likes being around him and he especially likes the way that Niall looks at him, as if he’s the only person in the room.
It’s getting later and it’s starting to get dark outside and Zayn suggested they head back.
By the time they make it up the stairs Zayn is racking his brain, trying to think of how to ask Niall to come in without sounding too forward. But he barely even gets a chance to think because Niall is crowding into his space and pressing him back against his own door.
“I think you should invite me in.” He breaths heavily into his ear and all Zayn can do is nod, reach blindly for the door handle behind him and pull both of them inside.
Niall kicks the door closed with his foot and grips the sides of Zayns face harshly, pulling him in and finally joining their lips together. It feels almost too eager but Zayn decides to stop thinking for once and just go with it. He wants this more than anything and more importantly, he needs it.
Zayn leads them to the bedroom and they barely get in the door before Niall is pushing him on the bed. Zayn knows they haven’t known each other that long but something about this feels right and he can’t help the smile from creeping up his face. Niall is smiling right back at him and then trailing small kisses along his jaw until he gets right up to his ear. “Are we moving too fast?” he breathes out heavily pulling back to look at Zayn as he waits for a response.
Zayn realizes that this could be his out. He could easily say yes and Niall would pull away and they could just hang out or talk more or something, but Zayn really doesn’t want them to stop kissing and he hopes he’s making the right decision when he shakes his slowly. No.
--
Zayn had not expected to end up here. Naked in his bed with a pale skinned, blonde haired, beautiful naked Niall pressing on top of him.
He had hoped there’d be some kissing, and maybe some touching but not this. He can’t remember a time that he’d ever moved this quick with someone but for some reason it feels right and natural.
Niall had just smelled so good and looked so extremely fit staring at him with his big blue eyes he didn’t have the heart to stop things from progressing, and frankly, he didn’t want them to. He just wanted more, and Niall was taking and he was letting him.
He leans back and lets Niall take control, softy flicking and licking his neck with his tongue, peppering kisses down to his collarbone and sucking lightly on the skin there. His hands are running up and down Zayn’s sides, rubbing lightly, and Zayn mimics this action on Niall’s back, lets his fingernails leave small marks in the muscle there.
Zayn breathes out and he can feel the hard press of Niall’s erection against his leg and he desperately wants to do something about that, but then Niall is dipping his head even further still, tongue brushing against his belly button and the dark hair that trails below it, until his breathe is hot over his cock.
Niall teases him a little, kissing and blowing lightly over the inside of his thighs, purposely avoiding his growing erection and Zayn actually hears himself whimper in anticipation. His heart is racing and his skin feels like he’s on fire and he just needs Niall’s mouth on him now.
Niall smiles up at him devilishly before easing his tongue out ever so slowly and finally making contact with the tip of his dick, just barely tracing circles around the skin. Then he’s wrapping a hand around the top, pulling the foreskin completely down and licking inside where Zayn is the most sensitive.
It feels way too fucking good and Zayn can’t tear his eyes away. He loves the difference in skin color, Niall’s pale cheeks finally sucking in around his dark cock, his red lips already wet from pre-cum.
Niall slicks Zayn’s dick up with his saliva, inching his mouth further and further down, taking his time until finally Zayn can actually feel himself hitting the back of Niall’s throat. It’s almost too much and Zayn can feel his body jumping, his gut aching in that familiar way right before he’s about to cum. Niall continues moving, his hands massaging Zayn’s balls while he continues to bob up and down, moving quicker now. Zayn can barely see himself disappearing into Nialls mouth because Niall is sitting up further, his hair brushing against Zayn’s stomach each time he bobs down. And then later, when Niall is making these noises, humming and breathing deep and moaning, it’s the final straw and Zayn is coming in hot spurts down his throat. Niall doesn’t even hesitate, just keeps moving, easing Zayn through his orgasm and swallowing all of his fluid down.
He pulls off slightly near the end of it, letting the cum that he gathered spill messily down his tongue and onto his chin, letting Zayn get a good view before spreading it back around on his cock. It’s fucking hot and Zayn has to look away, he’s still sensitive and needs a moment. But he doesn’t want Niall to stop either, enjoying the feeling of his tongue softly licking his liquid back up.
Niall shimmies his way back up to Zayn, one hand gripping his hip tightly before leaning in and pushing his tongue into Zayn’s mouth. He can taste himself on Niall and it’s somewhat gross, but also really sexy and he pushes back harder, digging his fingers into Niall’s bum.
He lets his hands move inward, massaging the skin lightly before pulling at his cheeks. He slips a hand in between until his fingers find the ring of muscle and he massages it softy before finally pressing a finger in. For a split second he’s able to move his hand a bit but then Niall is flinching away from him and pushing off.
Zayn tries to stay calm, he hopes he didn’t push Niall too far, but then Niall is grabbing a condom and putting it on himself.
Okay, so maybe he likes to dominate. Zayn thinks to himself before Niall already has a hand behind his shoulder and is pushing him face down into the mattress.
While Niall lubes himself up and spreads Zayn open he tries not to think. He was used to bottoming with Liam so that’s not a problem but he can’t help but wonder if he did something wrong. Niall pulled away from him fairly quick and the look on his face worried Zayn but he tries to shut those feelings off. He’s probably overreacting.
Niall kisses the back of his neck as he eases slowly into him and Zayn lifts his hips a little to get a better angle. Niall helps him by pulling his hips up pressing in deeper and brushing against his prostate with each thrust.
Zayn wishes he could see Niall right now, kiss him as they move together, but the feeling of Niall hovering over him, taking control and pushing in harder is nice too and he’s a little surprised at how good Niall is at this. He definitely didn’t expect that.
Zayn could probably cum again, he’s already hard for a second time, but he doesn’t need to, he’s still worn out from earlier and he tries to make this enjoyable for Niall. By the sounds the younger boy is making he knows it’s working and Zayn pushes up on his hands so he can turn his body around just a little and grab at Niall’s neck with his hand. He pulls Niall in for a kiss, and it’s a little sloppy and rushed because the angle is weird and Niall is thrusting harder now, but it works and the second Zayn’s tongue forces its way into Niall’s mouth he can feel Niall jerking inside him.
Then Niall is moaning as he rides out the rest of his orgasm and lets his head fall between Zayn’s shoulders, arms wrapping around his stomach and holding onto him tightly.
Niall’s legs give out and he collapses almost on top of Zayn but to his right and Zayn turns his body so that he’s facing Niall. After Niall pulls out and discards the condom Zayn slots their legs together and moves in close, face inches from the blondes.
“Do you wanna stay?” He asks quietly, and Niall nods, smiling sleepily and leaning in to kiss Zayn a final time. He wraps his arms around Zayns shoulders and pulls him closer, tucking his head into Zayns neck.
Zayn can smell their sweat, but also Niall’s shampoo and he thinks it probably the best smell in the world.
--
After that night they are practically inseparable. They haven’t officially talked about anything, but Zayn is really enjoying Niall’s company and things are going really smoothly. The more he learns about Niall the more he likes him. He’s thankful that Niall isn’t putting pressure on him to define their relationship yet, it’s still fairly new after everything that happened and he really wants to take things slow.
After a few weeks he begins to wonder. Niall isn’t as eager to have sex and when they do hang out it seems like his thoughts are beginning to drift elsewhere. Zayn wonders if he’s growing bored of him. Or if he’s just not the relationship type. He knows he needs to to talk to him about it, but he doesn’t want to push things.
Zayn returns home early one day and makes his way up the stairs. He’s exhausted and wants to take a short nap. He plans to call Niall later, he hasn’t seen him in a few days and he hates to admit it, but he misses him.
He doesn’t even make it in the door when he hears shouting coming from Niall’s room. He finds it odd, Niall lives alone and it definitely peaks his curiosity. He almost lets it go but decides against it and makes his way to Niall’s door, tapping lightly.
The door is opened quickly and a guy Zayn doesn’t recognize is standing in front him, half naked.
“What?” He asks, clearly in a huff and Zayn peaks behind him to see Niall sitting silently on the bed. He looks upset, but when he notices Zayn he stands quickly from the bed, still not saying anything.
Zayn looks back and forth between the two of them. Clearly there’s something going on here and Zayn doesn’t want to be in the middle of it. He mumbles something about having the wrong room and turns back the other way.
He hears the door slam behind him and trudges back to his room, trying not to sulk.
He knows he has no reason to be upset. Him and Niall are not exclusive, they’ve never set any rules. But it still hurts to see him so obviously with another guy.
All night long Zayn tosses and turns, thinking about Niall, wondering why he hasn’t come to talk to him, contemplating what to do next, torturing himself with thoughts of them together.
In the end he decides to just ignore Niall. Maybe it’s harsh, but the ball is basically in his court. If he doesn’t want to talk to him then Zayn isn’t going to make the effort to do so.
It’s harder to deal with then he thinks. Not seeing Niall everyday is starting to wear on Zayn and he wonders if that’s really the end of it.
But then a few days later there’s a knock on Zayn’s door and he barely has it open before Niall is barging his way inside.
--
"Why are you ignoring me?" Niall almost yells as he storms his way in the room, looking at Zayn with a hurt expression.
Zayn finds himself scoffing uncomfortably. He can't be serious.
"I'm surprised you even noticed." Zayn responds, ruder than he anticipates it to come out. "Figured you'd be busy with your new boy toy."
Zayn pushes past Niall harshly. He probably doesn't have a right to be mad about this, but he can't help it, imagining Niall with someone else is driving him crazy.
"Zayn, it's not what you think." Niall says quietly and Zayn thinks that he almost sounds sad. But then Zayn remembers the look on the guy's face when he opened the door and he doesn't feel so bad anymore.
"Oh yeah?" Zayn challenges. "I'm not stupid Niall, I know you were fucking him."
He didn't know that for sure, but he does now. The look of Niall's face makes it obvious.
"We weren't exclusive." Niall barely whispers. As if that excuses things.
"Yeah, I know. But I thought..." Zayn doesn't bother finishing the sentence. He thought they could be? Maybe Niall doesn't even want that. That's probably the last thing he wants.
"I don't want him." Niall continues, pleading to Zayn with his eyes.
"Didn't really look that way." Zayn knows that he's being whiney but he can't help how he feels.
"It's complicated."
"Then explain it to me."
Niall sighs and then walks past Zayn to take a seat on the bed.
"I broke up with him five months ago."
Zayn is shocked to hear this but he lets him continue.
"He didn't take it very well and he wants me back."
Of course he does. Who wouldn't want Niall?
"I keep trying to get rid of him, but...." Niall pauses, like he's not sure how to explain, "he's kind of persistent."
It still doesn't really explain why Niall slept with him, if anything, he probably just led him on more, but Zayn holds his tongue. It's not really his place to say anything. After all, they never really discussed rules or anything of the sort.
Zayn takes a seat on the bed next to Niall. He feels defeated.
"I can’t get involved with someone that's still hung up on their ex, Niall. I just can’t. I did it before and.... not again."
Niall surprises him by leaning in and grabbing Zayn by the face. "It's over now, I swear. I don’t want him, I want you."
Zayn knows he probably shouldn't give in. He's heard that before and it didn't turn out so well, but there's something about the way that Niall is looking at him that makes him want to trust him.
"Then say you won't fuck him again."
Niall cringes a little at his words but leans in closer, looking him strait in the eye. "Only you. If that's what you want..."
Zayn is hesitant to respond. His feelings are conflicted and he isn't sure what the right decision is, but staring at Niall he's not sure if he could say no even if he wanted to.
Instead of answer he leans in and crashes their lips together, probably a little more forceful than he means to be. But Niall is moaning into his kiss and pulling at his shirt and somehow Zayn feels like it’s gonna be okay.
--
After that things are very different. Now that they are officially dating, Niall is far more affectionate with Zayn. They spend even more time together than Zayn thought was possible. Usually he gets sick of people fairly quick but not Niall.
Zayn particularly loves how much Niall compliments him. He tells him how beautiful he is when they make love and it seems to make everything that much more intense.
Niall still won’t bottom during sex and every time Zayn tries the blonde ends up pulling away. One night Zayn asks him about it but Niall vaguely comments that he’s more comfortable on top. Zayn doesn’t want to push it, and it doesn’t even really matter to him anymore. He just loves being with Niall.
Niall seems happy for a while, until he starts pulling away. Again, Zayn tries to ask him what’s going on but Niall never has any answers and just remarks that he’s tired. Zayn begins to worry about him. He constantly tries to talk himself out of it, convince himself that he’s imagining things but one night he notices a scar on Niall’s wrist that wasn’t there previously and he knows that something is very wrong.
“What is this?” Zayn asks, grabbing Niall’s wrist and confronting him.
Niall immediately pulls it out of his grip. “Nothing.” He says quietly, looking away.
“It’s not nothing, Niall!”
Niall doesn’t say a word and Zayn can tell that he’s hiding something. He’s never actually had experience with this before but he’s read stories and he automatically assumes the worst.
Zayn sits up in bed and stares at Niall until the blonde finally returns his gaze.
“Did you cut yourself Niall?”
Niall’s blinks immediately and for a split second Zayn thinks that he looks a little confused but then he’s taking a deep breath and speaking calmly.
“Yes.”
Zayn doesn’t even know how to react. Part of him is thankful that Niall came clean and isn’t in denial about it, but the whole situation is really messed up and Zayn doesn’t really know how to handle it.
“Niall… what’s going on with you?”
Niall sighs and shakes his head, “I don’t know.”
Zayn can tell it’s a lie.
“Come on, just talk to me. I promise I won’t get mad or judge you.” Zayn moves closer to him on the bed, reaching for shoulders. Niall actually flinches at his touch, which hurts Zayn but he’s not going to give up.
“I just don’t want to talk about it right now.” Niall begs, sadness apparent in his eyes. “Please, can we just talk about it later?”
Zayn wants to coax him out of it, keep working on him until the truth comes out but Niall looks so distraught and Zayn can’t manage to pry any longer. He nods his head and does the only thing he can do; reaching forward to pull him into a hug. Niall cries on his shoulder and Zayn just holds him. He knows he’s in too deep with Niall. So much that he won’t be able to leave even if he wanted to. He just hopes that whatever Niall is going through isn’t as bad as it seems.
Zayn kisses Niall lightly on his temple, holding his head in his hands and pushes Niall back to lie on the bed. He’s pretty tired already from the day he’s had and after all of this all he wants to do is lay down, hold Niall until he falls asleep.
But Niall seemingly has other plans and Zayn feels his fingers trail down to the front of his sweats, playing with the drawstring.
“Niall, we don’t have to do anything.” Zayn whispers quietly into his ear. He doesn’t know what Niall is going through but he surely isn’t expecting sex from him, not tonight.
Niall seems to ignore his words and lets his hand dip into the front of Zayn’s pants. He holds back a breath when he feels Niall’s hand wrap tightly around his cock. His hands are cold, but it feels good because he can already feel his temperature rising from Niall’s body heat.
Then Niall is shifting his body on top of Zayn’s and pulling both of their clothes completely off. Zayn has never seen Niall this forceful before but it’s hot and he grabs onto Niall’s hair as they kiss, bodies grinding together.
Niall has a hand on him again and is working him roughly now, Zayn can already feel his orgasm starting to rise. Being touched by Niall has an effect on him that he’s never felt with anyone else.
He continues this for a while and then Niall is working his way down, peppering kisses along Zayn’s chest and stopping once he reaches Zayn’s nipple, swirling his wet tongue around it sloppily and pulling it into this mouth to suck lightly. It feels amazingly good and with Niall increasing the amount of pressure on Zayn’s dick, twisting his hand as it moves upward and moaning softly, Zayn finally gets his relief. His own come splashes over his stomach and Niall immediately moves down to lick at it. It’s almost too much for Zayn to handle right now and it feels like barely any time has passed before Niall is reaching for a condom and pushing it over his now present erection.
Usually Niall preps Zayn more, but not tonight. Tonight he just pushes in, barely giving Zayn time to adjust to him and Zayn grunts out in slight pain. It’s a good pain and he wants this, but he knows that something in Niall has changed. He’s never been this way with Zayn before and even though part of him is extremely turned on, another part of him is eating at his brain, reminding him that something is clearly wrong. Suddenly a horrible feeling washes over Zayn as he feels Niall’s thrusts quickly increase. Clearly Niall is using Zayn for some sort of release, taking all of his anger over whatever is bothering him out on Zayn right now.
His movements are getting almost too rough and mechanical and it’s almost painful. Zayn has to push on his shoulders to get his attention. But he keeps going until finally Zayn has to say something,
“Niall… stop….”
And he does, immediately collapsing on top of Zayn but not pulling out. He’s crying and Zayn feels his stomach drop. He wishes he knew what to say or do to help Niall but unless Niall tells him what’s going on he can’t do much except hold him, whisper into his ear how much he cares about him, how important he is to him. And it seems to work after a while. Niall is calming down, sobs now turned to small whimpers. Niall eventually pulls out and Zayn shifts them over, tucking Niall deep into his side. It’s not long before Niall is asleep.
Zayn stays up all night worrying and wondering what the hell he’s gonna do now.
--
Zayn wakes to a pounding headache and a sick feeling in his gut. His thoughts keep going back to Niall and the night before. Niall said they could talk about things later but he’s just not sure how to bring it up. He watches Niall sleep and the blonde looks so peaceful, hair a mess and chest flushed. He’s practically plastered to Zayn’s body and Zayn is afraid to move a muscle, he doesn’t want to disrupt Niall’s sleep, he probably needs it.
He can’t stop thinking about the scar on Niall’s wrist and how Niall admitted that he cut himself. As far as Zayn could tell he didn’t have any other marks on his body, which means this had to be a new thing he was doing. That really worried Zayn. Was he the reason? He doesn’t understand how that could be possible; things between them have been going almost perfectly. He wracks is brain wondering what’s going on with Niall that’s so bad that he feels the need to cut. Things are way more complicated then he thought.
Then Niall is stirring and Zayn kisses him softly on the lips, trying hard not to push too much. But Niall kisses him back with more force, pushing Zayn on his back. It feels really nice and Zayn lets it continue but then he remembers the problem and pushes at Niall’s chest lightly. Niall looks at him, searching his eyes and Zayn straitens up in bed a little.
“Niall, are we gonna talk?”
He doesn’t feel the need to specify what he means, he can tell by the look on Niall’s face that he already knows.
“There’s not a lot to say….” Niall begins and Zayn can see that he looks confident, almost practiced. “I’m just having problems at work, but it’s all figured out now, okay? You don’t have to worry, I promise…”
His eyes are pleading with Zayn and even though he knows better, he wants to believe that he’s telling the truth. He can ignore it, for now, but if he sees another cut or anything to suggest that something is wrong he won’t be as accepting.
“Okay.” He says, against his better judgment and lets Niall kiss him again.
It’s not hard to get caught up the intimacy and he finds himself putting his worries away for now. He knows it’s probably denial but he isn’t sure how else to handle the situation.
Zayn pushes Niall back on his back and straddles his hips, lets a hand trail downwards to grip Niall’s growing erection.
“You know, we never… finished things last night.” Zayn strokes harder, “should I do something about that now?”
Niall smirks back at him and nods his head. He kisses Niall’s chest all the way down, only stopping to look up at him once. Through his eyelashes he can see that Niall looks much happier now and Zayn just hopes that it will last this time.
--
Things seem to be fine in the next week and Zayn doesn’t mention the cutting thing again. Luckily the scar has mostly faded and he’s able to put it out of his mind at least for a while.
But new problems arise when he’s out to lunch with Niall one day. One second everything’s fine, they’re laughing about something insignificant. The next Zayn can see a really worried look on Niall’s face and he’s calling the waiter over for the check.
“What?” Zayn asks, “but I’m not even done.”
“We can take it to go…” Niall says, panic rising in his voice and Zayn immediately follows his gaze out the window. He can see a figure lurking around outside and immediately recognizes it as Niall’s ex, the one that Zayn found in Niall’s room weeks earlier.
“Niall, what’s going on? Why is he here?”
“I don’t know.” Niall responds, and Zayn can see that he’s shaky. “I had no idea he was back in town.”
“This is bullshit.” Zayn says a little louder, and he can see a few people turn their focus to the pair. “Is he stalking you?”
Niall just shakes his head, no. Repeats that they should leave. Zayn wants to confront the guy, who he learns is named Will but Niall insists that they just go home.
Once they are there Zayn tries to press Niall for more. “What had you so rattled? Why didn’t we just confront him and tell him to leave?”
Niall explains that it’s more complicating. They dated for years and Will get jealous easily. That’s still no excuse for Zayn and he finds the anger in his gut start to rise.
He’s never been an angry person but he feels like he needs to protect Niall and there’s something about Will that just doesn’t sit right with him.
He can’t blame him for not wanting to lose Niall but clearly something went really wrong in their relationship for Niall to act the way he did.
Once again Niall insists that it’s nothing, that Zayn is overreacting and that he just didn’t want to see Will but Zayn isn’t sure that he can believe him. He’s starting to get frustrated with all of Niall’s lies, but yet again he lets it go; letting his feelings for the boy cloud his judgment.
--
But things only get worse when Niall starts pulling away from Zayn again and starts cancelling plans. The first few times Zayn is okay with it, but then Zayn sees Will in town a second time and he starts to worry. Is Niall cheating on him? Is that why he didn’t want to see him? Because he was afraid that Zayn would learn the truth? Is that why he cut himself? Because he was feeling guilt over the situation?
Zayn knows he’s letting his thoughts get away from him, knows he’s thinking the worst but he can’t help but wonder.
Niall cancels yet again, claims that he’s sick and even though the phone call doesn’t last long he can hear the rasp in Niall’s voice; convinces himself that it’s the truth. But he can’t just sit at home anymore, Niall only lives down the hall and if he really is sick, he will appreciate Zayn wanting to care for him.
But when Zayn knocks on the door Niall doesn’t answer. Zayn can hear rustling around and he realizes that Niall is avoiding him.
It’s frustrating and irritating and Zayn shoves his way in, messing with the door handle and pushing hard before finally being able to get inside. He’s probably acting crazy, forcing himself into the room but he doesn’t care, he knows that something is wrong.
His fears are confirmed when he sees Niall lying on the bed, curled into a ball and barely moving. His body is bruised everywhere, including a distinct black eye and he has cuts littering his arms.
“Niall!” Zayn screams, running over to him immediately and grabbing Niall in his arms.
Niall cries out in pain and Zayn lessens his grip, moving his hands to Niall’s chin and forcing him to look right at him.
“Niall, what the hell happened?!”
But Niall doesn’t speak, just looks up at Zayn with his sad blue eyes, tears forming and its then that it finally hits Zayn, that he finally understands what’s been going on. Niall hasn’t been cutting himself at all, he was covering for Will. He must have been freaked at the restaurant because he knew that Will would react this way seeing him with someone else.
The way that Niall could lie for him so easily tells Zayn that it’s happened before. But now’s not the time to accuse Niall or ask him questions, he just needs to hold him. Zayn will take him to the hospital soon but for now they just need to lay there.
“Niall…” Zayn says, gently rubbing a hand through his hair and tries to calm him. “It’s going to be okay.” He grips him tighter, pulling him as close to his body as he can manage.
“I love you.” Zayn whispers.
It’s the first time he’s said it and he’s never meant it more.
--
They sleep the entire night through and Zayn is constantly checking on Niall, asking if he’s okay, if he needs anything, if he wants to go the hospital yet but he keeps saying no. He wants to stay with Zayn.
Zayn lets it slide because he would do anything for Niall, and selfishly he likes feeling needed. But he knows he needs to do something about this soon.
By the time the sun comes up he’s still barely slept, even though Niall looks pretty peaceful beside him and he can’t believe that someone would ever want to hurt him. How they could possibly lay a finger on someone so innocent and kind? He has so many questions and he’s so confused and conflicted but he wants Niall to rest, knows that he needs it.
Once Niall starts stirring around Zayn tries to get him moving, tells him that they are leaving for help now but Niall is persistent.
“I’m not going to the hospital. I’ll be fine in a few days.”
Zayn tries to argue but he knows that it’s no use. He can’t force Niall to get help if he doesn’t want it. He tries asking him why and Niall snaps at him. “We’ll end up sitting there for hours, trust me.”
And the way that he says it proves that he’s done it before.
“There are people out there with bigger problems.”
“Fine” Zayn says harshly, a little upset but he’s trying to understand. “But we’re going to report this.”
“No.” Niall says again, just as persistent but Zayn has to put his foot down.
“If you aren’t going to say anything then I will.”
Then Niall’s face changes immediately. What used to be anger is now replaced with worry. “No, please don’t.” He stands from the bed, goes over to join Zayn and grabs him by the shoulders, trying to get through to him.
“Please, Zayn, it’ll only make things worse.”
Zayn asks him to explain and Niall tells him that Will has already been in jail once, and then subsequently released on “good behavior”.
“And when he got out things got so much worse. He was really mad.”
Zayn wants to argue with Niall, tell him that they can’t just let it go, but seeing the look on his face is painful. He looks genuinely scared and Zayn knows that he’s not making it up.
“The system is fucked up. They don’t care about me. They can’t fix this.”
Niall takes a seat back on the bed and Zayn just stands there awkwardly, still unsure of how to act. His gut is telling him to report this asshole, but looking at Niall’s face makes him want to abandon all of his instincts. He wants to keep him safe and he doesn’t know how dangerous this jerk really is, what Niall is saying could very well be true.
Zayn wants to change the subject, give himself a little more time to make a decision and he takes a seat next to Niall on the bed, grabs one of his hands and holds it between his own.
“How long has it been going on, Niall?”
Niall finally tells him the entire story, his face completely void of emotion as he does so. Zayn knows it’s hard for him, but he’s so thankful that Niall trusts him now, so glad that he finally knows the truth behind all of this.
Will and Niall had dated in highschool, around the time that Niall figured out he was into guys. Will was basically his first everything. When Will had wanted to have sex for the first time Niall was hesitant but he gave in because he wanted to make his boyfriend happy. But it wasn’t completely consensual and he should have known then that Will was bad news. None of his friends liked him, he was a bit of a “bad boy” in school, getting bad grades, getting into fights, but Niall was blinded. He was just appreciative of the fact that someone had finally noticed him, that someone actually wanted to be with him.
When Niall went off the college they had stayed together but he didn’t see Will as often and every time Will would come to visit he would make Niall feel like shit. Claim that Niall was leaving him behind, that he was too good for him. He started getting really jealous. He was even suspicious of Niall’s roommate Josh and thought there was something going on between them even though Niall was never ever unfaithful. They got into a huge fight about it and that was the first time that Will had laid a hand on him. Will claimed it would never happen again and afterwards seemed so apologetic and sincere that Niall ended up forgiving him. But after that it kept happening. Nothing extreme, mainly pushing and shoving, and a lot of emotional abuse. Eventually Niall started pulling away from him sexually, which pissed Will off and he started forcing himself on Niall. Niall was too scared to do anything about it at first and tried to tolerate it but eventually he couldn’t stand it any longer.
He broke up with Will in his 2nd year of college and assumed things would go back to normal. He didn’t see him again until the end of his 3rd year. He transferred schools and went back home and Will was around. Tried to ask Niall out again and pick up where they had left off but Niall had rejected him and Will beat him up pretty bad. Niall finally went to the authorities and that’s when Will was sent to jail for the first time. But he got out only after a few months.
From then until now he kept popping up in Niall’s life at random times, and Niall kept trying to push him away, but he found if he just gave in to him Will would leave him alone for months at a time. It was horrible, but it was better than the alternative, which was physical abuse.
As Niall continues the story, the pieces finally start falling together. It explains why Niall has been so hesitant to bottom during sex. He clearly associates it with Will using his dominance over him.
“Shortly after I met you, Will popped up in my life again. He had found where I was living and I stupidly gave into him again, hoping if I did he would go away.” Zayn can see that Niall is shaking, but he keeps quiet, lets him continue. “Afterwards I felt disgusted and I completely regretted it. Especially after seeing your face. I told Will that it was the last time, that I never wanted to see him again and that’s when he cut me. Threw a plate at my head and missed. “
He finally turns to look at Zayn.
“I should have told you but I felt so ashamed, so weak and I didn’t want to put you in the middle of it. I knew if Will found out about you it would make things worse and I worried that you would confront him. “
Zayn can see that Niall is crying now and he reaches a finger up to brush away his tears.
“But he saw you at the café and he stormed in here again, wouldn’t listen to anything that I’d said.”
“Niall…” Zayn begins, pulling Niall into his arms and holding him as tightly as he can. He doesn’t need to hear any more.
“This is why we have to do something…”
Niall pulls away. “He said he was leaving. For good. And… He never says that. I think he meant this time, honestly.”
Niall’s eyes are pleading with his and Zayn knows that Niall wants to believe it’s true but Zayn has his doubts.
On the outside Zayn has kept his cool but on the inside he’s seething with anger. He loves Niall so much now, can’t imagine his life without him, and anyone that tries to hurt him is in for a lot of pain.
“Zayn, please don’t tell. Please do this for me.”
Zayns about to object again, to tell Niall that there’s no way he’ll let this guy free but then Niall is snuggling back into his space, threading a hand behind his head and whispering into his ear, “I love you.”
Zayn wonders if Niall is only saying it to get what he wants, but it doesn’t even matter to Zayn, just hearing those words mean more to him than they ever have before and he knows that he can’t refuse.
“Okay.”
Zayn hates the words as they come out his mouth.
“But I swear to God Niall, if I ever see him again it’s not gonna end well. And if I find out he so much as looked at you… I’m reporting him.”
Niall takes a breath, thankful that Zayn isn’t going to the police and pulls Zayn in even tighter, pressing kisses to his neck and along his jaw.
“Thank you.”
He says it quietly but Zayn isn’t finished. He has one more request.
“And you’re moving in with me.”
Niall smiles at him then. He’s perfectly okay with that.
--
Niall moves in the next day, and from that moment on Zayn doesn’t let him out of his sight. He knows he’s acting extreme but with a psychopath like Will out there he can’t take any chances. Niall doesn’t seem to mind either, he enjoys having Zayn around and he’s happier than Zayn’s ever seen him before.
About a month passes and Zayn thinks they may just be in the clear, they haven’t seen or heard from Will since they began living together and Zayn had hope that things could actually work out for them.
He lets his watchful eye on Niall loosen a bit and one day decides to go out to grocery store alone. Niall swears that he’ll be fine, that Zayn has nothing to worry about. But the entire time that Zayn is away he can’t ignore the horrible feeling in his gut.
He cuts his shopping trip short and returns back, the sun is getting ready to set and the sky is growing darker, which doesn’t help calm Zayn’s nerves.
He realizes that something is wrong when he notices his front door is open a few inches. He can hear shouting and he immediately drops the bags of food and runs inside.
Will is standing over Niall, who’s on the floor, his lip is cut and Will has him by the collar, preparing to hit him yet again.
…
It’s like everything’s moving in slow motion and there’s no way for Zayn to get to Niall fast enough. He sees Will’s hand collide with Niall’s face in an instant, sending the blonde further down into the hard wood.
“You fucking lied to me!” Will screams as his fist cuts through Niall’s face like a knife, blood splattering the floor beneath him.
Zayn manages to the grab the back of Will’s arm, twisting it all the way around and preventing him from striking Niall for a third time.
“Get off him!” He yells right into Will’s face and Will turns his attention to Zayn, anger seething out of every pore. His eyes are black as coal and there’s no emotion lingering there, not a single shred of any humanity left in them.
Will and Zayn tussle for a minute, Zayn’s adrenaline kicking into gear, and he thinks for a moment that he can actually take him. But then moments later it’s as if the floor is slipping out from underneath him and he falls to the ground with a sharp thud.
“Is this him?!” Will shouts angrily at Niall, then points right at Zayn, “is this who you’re fucking now?”
He aims to hit Niall again, but Zayn manages to reach out and grab him by the ankle, halting his movement. Will struggles briefly and Zayn tugs harder, causing Will to fall down the ground.
He still ignores Zayn, anger directed completely at Niall and he reaches for the hem of his shirt.
“Moving on so quickly? Creating a nice little home for yourself?”
He’s ranting incoherent thoughts and it takes all of Zayn’s strength to crawl over to him, grip at the back of his jacket and maneuver his way closer. Will manages to get in one final punch, this time to Niall’s stomach before Zayn is able to haul himself over and pin Will to the floor.
“Stay away from him!” Zayn roars, raising his fist and slamming it back down with as much force as he can muster. It crashes right into the middle of Will’s face, hitting his nose roughly and Zayn thinks he can hear a crack, watches as the blood seeps out.
Will puts up a fight but the blow to his face has his disoriented and fighting blind which gives Zayn a leg up and he’s able to plow his fists into Will over and over again, eventually knocking him out completely. Zayn releases all of his emotions on Will. It’s as if he’s watching from afar as he beats the life out of him, yelling uncontrollably to staying away from Niall, threatening his unconscious body to never hurt them again. He can feel the tears running out of his eyes and it’s isn’t until he feels the soft press of Niall’s fingertips digging into his arms, the tender sounds of Niall’s voice calling his name, that he’s finally able to stop. Tears steam down his face as he feels Niall stretch his weak and bruised body around his, finally drawing Zayn into his arms.
They lay on the cold wood for a long time, only their soft breathing and hushed whispers filling up the silence.
-
Nearby neighbors made the police aware of the scuffle that was happening and within minutes they arrived at Zayn’s flat.
Will was taken to the hospital and after police questioned Niall and Zayn, they were free to go home. Since the fight had happened inside of Zayn’s residence it was viewed a trespassing and self defense and fortunately there were no consequences on Zayn for what had happened.
Will woke up in the hospital a few hours later, and not longer after that was subsequently arrested. There was already a warrant out for his arrest due to prior offenses and this had been his final act of vengeance before being put away for good.
A few months later Niall and Zayn decide to move, too many memories of that horrible night haunting them.
They found a small house right outside the city with a decent sized yard and friendly neighbors.
Most people would probably say they were crazy for moving so fast but Zayn knows that it’s the right decision. He’s never been more certain of anything in his 24 years of life.
The first night in their new house Zayn gets home from work late to find Niall waiting for him in the living room. The second Zayn walks through the doors Niall is rushing over to him, pulling him into a tight hug and breathing softly into his ear.
“I’m glad you’re home.” He says softly, hands not moving from their tight grip around Zayn’s shoulders.
“Okay, babe, what’s wrong?” Zayn whispers faintly, pulling Niall into him and down onto the couch. Zayn lets his back hit the cushions and pulls Niall on top of him, arms snaking around to hold him closely. “This isn’t about Will is it? I promise, we’ll never have to deal with him again.”
Of course Zayn can’t be 100% sure of that, but with Will in jail Zayn hopes there’s some truth to this words. And if he has to spend the rest of his life protecting Niall, he will.
“It’s not that.” Niall whispers sweetly, tilting his chin up to look Zayn directly in the eye, finally a small smile forming on his face, “I just missed you.”
It’s ridiculously adorable and probably a little corny but Zayn doesn’t even care. He loves how it sounds coming out his mouth.
“I missed you too.” He repeats back in a hushed voice. He can feel his eyes close as Niall leans in to kiss him tenderly on the lips.
What starts as small, sweet, kisses turns much heavier, Niall shifting his body so that his hips are pressing into Zayn’s roughly, tongue dipping sharply into Zayn’s mouth. Zayn reaches up and tugs on Niall’s blonde locks, pulling his face in even closer and lets his own hips lift slightly from the couch.
He can feel how hard Niall is through his trousers; feel how much he wants this.
“Let’s go to bed.” Zayn says as he pulls up slowly, patting Niall fondly on the bum and smiling at him until Niall agrees, sighing sweetly and nudging his nose against Zayns once before standing from the couch.
Zayn intertwines their fingers as they walk towards the bedroom. There are still boxes everywhere, and the only thing in the room is the actual bed, sheets not even laid out yet and just piled on the floor.
Zayn kicks most of them aside, only pausing to pick up one and lay it across the mattress swiftly before turning back to Niall, grabbing him by the hands and walking them backwards.
Niall’s got this sheepish smile plastered on this face that Zayn could just stare at for hours, but there are many other things he’d rather be doing right now. Zayn sits on the bed, pulls Niall forward and both fall gently backwards, Niall resuming his earlier position on top of Zayn, hands pressed on either side of his head against the mattress.
They kiss lazily for a while until Zayn begins to crave more, pulling Niall’s hips downward and relishing in the friction that’s created when their erections press together. Niall begins moving his hips then too, creating a slow grind that’s painfully arousing and Zayn instantly widens his legs further, letting them fall to the sides and increase the pleasure that he’s feeling.
“Mmm” Zayn hears himself moaning into the cool air, fingers dragging along the hem of Niall’s shirt, playing with the material briefly before pulling it up and over his head.
The rest of their clothes soon follow, until they are left in just their boxers, Zayn’s hand firmly pressed to Niall’s groin, teasing the clothed bulge until Naill’s panting into his ear.
He’s being unusually quiet but it’s new and intoxicating and Zayn needs to get closer, needs to feel skin against skin. He hooks his thumbs on either side of Niall’s waistband, dragging the boxers down slowly and exposing Niall’s swollen cock, already slick with pre-come.
“You’re so beautiful” Zayn whispers and his words cause a sudden reaction in Niall, who rips off Zayn’s underwear quickly after. He immediately gets a hand around Zayn’s dick and begins stroking, pressing his lips the side of Zayn’s neck just above his collarbone.
The way his tongue is darting across his skin makes Zayn feel hot all over, and his hand immediately finds the back of Niall’s neck, threading into the hair at the back of his head.
Niall is breathing especially hard and Zayn can feel that he’s on edge, his entire body is shaking and his kisses have turned frantic. Zayn’s about to ask Niall what’s wrong, convince him to talk to him but a second later Niall’s whispering into his ear, already answering the question.
“I want you to fuck me.”
Zayns breath is caught in his throat and he pulls away from Niall immediately, staring him in the eye.
“Are you sure?” He asks as he can feel his entire body tense up.
Niall only nods reassuringly at him, stroking his hair softly. “I feel safe with you. I know you won’t hurt me.”
Zayn wants to tell Niall that they don’t have to, that they can wait for as long as he needs to but he knows that what Niall is saying is true and he too wants it more than anything right now.
But knowing Niall’s history, this is a huge deal to Zayn and as he holds Niall in the darkness, he mentally tries to prepare himself for what he’s about to do. Nerves are running through his entire body, and his breathing has gotten sporadic; his heart feels heavy in his chest.
Before he even knows what’s happening Niall is lifting off of him, reaching towards the nightstand and holding out a small silver packet and tiny bottle to Zayn.
It’s like Niall can sense how nervous Zayn is, even though he should be the one freaking out, and he leans down to kiss Zayn reassuringly, placing the condom directly into his palm, signaling for him to do something.
Zayn can barely kiss back, his mind it thinking a mile a minute, but he manages to move his lips slightly, enjoying the soft press of Niall’s tongue against his mouth. Then Niall is shifting them, moving next to Zayn on the bed and slicking up his fingers.
Zayn can only stare as Niall’s fingers reach lower and begin tracing the muscles around his hole.
Zayn knows he needs to do something, anything, but his eyes are glued to Niall and when he finally does attempt to open the packet, his hands are too shaky, and it keeps slipping out of his grasp. Niall finally takes it from him and tears it open with his teeth, waits patiently for Zayn to get in position.
Zayn hovers above him, eyes cast downward as Niall slides the rubber over his flesh. Just having Niall’s hands on him is making him shiver and he’s not sure how he’s going to ever make it through this.
Their eyes connect then, and there’s so much tension in the room. Neither is talking, but it’s completely charged and Zayn manages to get some more lube slicked onto himself. It’s probably an excessive amount but he doesn’t want to hurt Niall, he’s scared to even try this.
He knows that Niall can take him… it’s not so much the physical pain that he’s worried about but the emotional damage that’s already been done.
“I love you so much…” Zayn whispers down at him, trying his hardest to sooth him. It works because Niall seems to be relaxing back on the bed, closing his eyes and smiling slightly. He looks content and Zayn knows that he feels the same.
Zayn reaches for Nialls hands, clasping them tightly into his own and holding them down on the bed, presses his face to the crook of Niall’s neck, nuzzling into the skin there. Niall’s hands are on his cock again, shifting them around until it’s pressed right up against his center, teasing the opening but not actually going in.
Zayn takes in Niall’s scent, traces along his pulse with his tongue before finally entering him, moving as slow as he possibly can. As he sinks deeper and deeper, he can feel Niall’s hands tightening around his own.
Once Zayn is all the way in, hips pressed right up against Niall’s bum, he stills the movement. He kisses Niall on the lips them, not wanting to push any further then Niall will allow.
Zayn has never had sex like this before… the kind of sex that is so much more than just the physical act. Words can’t even describe how he feels in this moment but Niall’s tiny whimpers of pleasure mean so much to him.
Then Niall is actually thrusting his hips up the tiniest bit and it sends an immediately wave of pleasure through Zayn’s entire body.
“It’s okay…” Niall whispers to him, signaling for him to start moving.
Zayn pulls out only a few inches before he’s thrusting back into Niall, still kissing him has he does so.
This continues for a while and when he can feel his orgasm building he reaches a hand down and grips Niall’s cock in his hands, jerking steadily in time with his movement.
He pulls back to look at Niall then, and the way that Niall is gazing back is the most breathtaking thing Zayn’s ever seen. He continues to rock into him, relishing in this moment. It’s probably the most intimate moment of Zayn’s life and he wants it to go on forever.
It feels like it does and even though Zayn tries to drag it for as long as possible he knows that they’re both getting closer and closer to the edge. Niall is pushing now too, grabbing the back of Zayn’s bum and attempting to drive just as hard into him; both are sweaty and out of breath. Zayn picks up the speed of his hand brushes the thumb over the head of Niall’s dick, finally causing him to release.
Niall moans loadly as he spills all over Zany’s hand, coating his own stomach in white and the look on his face as he comes does something funny to Zayn’s gut, his arousal shooting through him and he orgasms immediately after, spurting his fluid into the condom and Niall.
Zayn doesn’t let Niall go the entire night. He holds him close to his body, tucks his head right into his neck and refuses to release him. The room is dark and Niall is hidden but he can tell that he’s smiling and Niall knows that he’s happy. He is too.
As they’re drifting to sleep Niall turns his body inwards a little further, tightens his grip around Zayn’s waist and leans into his ear, voice raspy and content and whispers, “I love you.”
Zayn knows with all of his heart that Niall means exactly what he says, and for the first time in Zayn’s life, he truly believes it.
EPILOGUE
Exactly a year after Zayn left Liam’s hometown he returns, and like the last time he was here he’s in love.
The difference is that this time, Zayn knows that it’s forever.
He’d always wondered what it’d be like to see Liam again after all this time, but strangely it feels comfortable. Zayn’s happy for him and Harry and he wants to spend this special day showing his support.
The wedding is short and sweet and everything that Liam had ever wanted and Zayn is thankful that things worked out for them both.
Niall holds his hand through the entire ceremony and Zayn thinks absently that if it weren’t for Harry stealing Liam away, he would have never have met Niall.
At the reception Liam finds Zayn in the crowd, gives him a hug and thanks him for coming.
“I wasn’t sure that you were going to show.” Liam says sheepishly and Zayn thinks that he looks handsome in a suit and blue tie. Blue is definitely his color. It always was.
“Wouldn’t miss it.” Zayn smiles. Even though the words weren’t always true, they are today.
“You look happy.” Liam says, smiling at him with that knowing smile and Zayn immediately turns to look at Niall, who is across the room.
“I am.” He states simply and Liam smiles again, tells Zayn that they can catch up more later. He heads back over to Harry, pulling him into a tight hug and kissing him in the middle of the room. Zayn couldn’t understand at first, but he sees how genuinely happy they are… he gets it now.
Zayn watches their embrace, and Niall sneaks up behind him, arms fitting perfectly around Zayn’s waist.
“Are you okay?” He asks, not a hint of worry in his voice, just concern, and Zayn nods, turns to look at Niall and smiles wider.
“I am. I’m glad they’re happy.”
Niall kisses him then, pulls back to sneak one last glance at the married pair. “They look so in love.” He whispers, happiness laced in his voice as he holds onto Zayn.
“Yeah,” Zayn whispers and he finally turns to Niall then, holding his face in his hands, giving him his full attention.
“I know the feeling.”
Standing there with Niall, Zayn knows that his heart has finally been mended.