Chapter Text
Photos.
Countless photos of Saki, all contained within this album. Every time she opened the book, she was always a little overwhelmed by how many times her face showed itself on one page. She skimmed through the photos, recalling all the memories she’s made.
Beneath each photo was a short caption.
“8/15: Quick selfie at Scramble Crossing!” “4/10: Skipping rocks at the river with my friends!” “2/12: Baking cookies with everyone!” “1/27: Watching a meteor shower at the park!” “11/19: Eek! Snowball fight!”
She turned a few pages back, getting to some of the older photos.
…
One of them caught her eye. One with no date, even though she clearly remembered writing one.
“ Discharged from the hospital today.”
The photo was a picture of a cheery, slightly younger version of her, taking a selfie outside in front of the hospital.
And the caption… that’s not what she remembered writing. No, it was something along the lines of, “Hurray! Getting discharged from the hospital!!!!”
…
…
And now that she thinks about it…
“Hey, Tsukasa?”
Tsukasa looked up. “Hm? What is it, Saki?”
“What do I even have? Like, is there a name for my condition or anything?”
With a sigh, he answered with what she’s been told countless times before. “Come on, Saki, you know what the doctors said. You have Generic_Anime_Disease_04, remember?”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
…Tsukasa was silent.
The tension grew as his expression became more and more strained until finally, he said, “are you sure you want to know?”
…
She was.
But now that he’s asking… she’s not too sure herself.
It can’t be that bad, right…?
Instantly, her mind raced through the possibilities. Was it terminal? Progressive? Permanently life-altering? Something that she absolutely shouldn’t know?
…
“No,” Tsukasa said, answering for her. “No, I… I’m sorry, I just— I can’t tell you. Saki, you’ve been in good health. Just enjoy your life, okay? Don’t worry about it.”
But she did.
She did worry about it.
It occupied her mind the entire day, right up until she was about to go to bed.
Just what in the world did she have? And why was it so bad that she couldn’t even know what it’s called?
Maybe tomorrow, she can get an answer from someone else.
She plugged in her phone for the night. The screen lit up as the device started to charge. “11:28 PM,” the lock screen read. “April 5.”
With a yawn, she climbed into bed. But while her body was still, her mind wouldn’t stop buzzing with questions and uncertainty.
What the fuck did she have?
…
The next morning, she woke up somewhere a little too familiar.
Instantly, she sat up to the scent of various cleaning chemicals, the sight of white walls and bright lights, the feeling of a warm bed that was not her own, feeling so foreign but so familiar at the same time.
Her breaths grew quick and labored. Did something happen in her sleep? Did Tsukasa have to take her here? How long is she going to have to stay? Just the thought of missing out on even more of her adolescence made her start to feel dizzy.
She had already spent so long here. All the loneliness, the tears, the longing for an escape, it all came rushing back, crashing into her like a flood. She can’t go back. She can’t, she can’t, she can’t.
Instinctively, she reached for her phone, ready to text him to ask what the fuck happened while she was asleep.
…
She froze.
“8:02 AM,” the digital display read. “October 4.”
“October… fourth,” she whispered to herself.
…
She shook her head. No, Tsukasa’s just playing some kind of weird joke on her. He just changed the date on her phone. How could she possibly be traveling back in time?
She got ready to text him, to ask what happened, to ask why he’s pulling this prank on her.
But once again, she found herself frozen in shock as she realized that all their messages from after October 4th had disappeared.
Her breaths grew even quicker as she checked her other contacts. Not a single message from the past six months was present.
Her vision began to blur and the room began to spin as she checked the rest of her phone. Checked the latest news, looked at the weather, searched up recent events that happened from November onwards.
…
…nothing.
She couldn’t think straight. Nothing was making sense. This was a dream. It had to be. There’s no way this was real.
…
Wait.
A dream.
With a deep breath, Saki nearly laughed in relief.
Of course. Of course it’s a dream. Traveling back in time to when she was still in the hospital… How could that possibly be real?
She had her condition on her mind, after all. It’s only natural that she would dream about something like this.
October 4… now that she thinks about it, isn’t that the day she got discharged? Just like the photo she was looking at.
And now, she was alone in her hospital room, about to leave once again.
Although… she spotted some papers on the counter, ones that she never noticed when she was here last time. If Tsukasa wasn’t going to tell her what she had, then would those papers answer anything?
Just as she was about to grab them, she paused.
Tsukasa asked her if she was sure. He told her not to worry about it, told her to enjoy her life, told her that he couldn’t tell her.
And she trusts Tsukasa’s judgement. At least, when it comes to matters pertaining to her health.
So what she’s about to do… would it really be worth it? Or should she just let her dream play out?
…
She considered leaving the papers alone.
But no.
After all, her goal is to live life to the fullest, isn’t it? And that includes learning the name of her condition.
So with a shaky breath and trembling hands, she looked at the paper.
As she scanned through for details, Tsukasa’s voice filled her head. Tsukasa’s warning, his advice, his reassurance. And her legs started to feel unsteady, and her heart pounded louder and louder, and her head was screaming at her, telling her that what she was doing was wrong, telling her to put the papers down, ignore everything, go back to sleep and wake up on April 6.
She almost listened to that thought.
But right before she was about to drop everything, she found what she was looking for.
“Generic_Anime_Disease_04”
“Official diagnosis: Ligma”
…
Ligma? What the hell was ligma?
Before she could do anything else, Tsukasa came in with a huge grin on his face. She scrambled to put the papers back and act like she wasn’t doing anything she wasn’t supposed to.
“My dearest Saki, are you ready to finally come home? Ah, it’s been so lonely without you!”
“...hey, Tsukasa,” she started, “what’s ligma?”
He clasped both of his hands over his mouth in shock. Okay. So that was definitely not something she was supposed to ask.
“You… No, you shouldn’t… gah…” Tsukasa got closer, gripping her shoulders and lowering his voice. “Saki, listen to me. Never ask that question again. Ever. Okay? Promise me that.”
She squirmed under his firm grip. “But… why?” she asked. “Tsukasa, I know I have ligma. I just want to know what it is. Would that be too much to ask?”
He sighed. “Look. Once I tell you, you can’t come back from this. Ever. And… to be honest, even I'm not completely sure what’s going to happen. Are you absolutely positive that you want to know?”
In any other situation, she would’ve hesitated.
But she’s in a dream. Whatever he says probably isn’t going to be true. And besides, she might not even have ligma in real life. So why not?
“Tell me,” Saki insisted. “I’m ready for your answer. So, tell me, Tsukasa… what’s ligma?”
He took a deep breath. He tried to say something, but he kept hesitating and using filler words to avoid the answer. And she thought to herself, god, this is pretty tense for a dream.
But finally, finally, he gave her an answer, practically a whisper and with his eyes shut.
“...ligma balls.”
…
…huh?
What’s happening?
Somehow, with just those two words…
She felt her chest tighten as she stumbled and fell to the ground, body growing weak. She tried to get up. She can’t. Panic overwhelmed her as her vision blurred to the point where the room around her became an unrecognizable mess of colors and light. It hurt. Everything hurt. Weakly, she clutched her chest as she choked out a broken cry of pain.
Her head felt lighter and lighter, and she struggled to keep her eyes open. No, she screamed internally in a frenzy, No, I can’t die here. No, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.
This was a dream, wasn’t it? This is the part where she’s supposed to wake up in a cold sweat, take a minute to catch her breath, realize that she just had a nightmare, and sigh as she went downstairs for breakfast.
Instead, she saw her life flashing before her eyes as a puddle of tears slowly formed on the ground.
The first performance she saw. Waking up in pain in the middle of the night and getting taken to the hospital. Tsukasa putting on his first show for her. Playing with her bunny plushie alone. Going home from the hospital. Watching a meteor shower with her friends. Playing the keyboard with everyone. Learning her favorite songs on the piano with Tsukasa. Going to a cafe with her group. Studying together before a test. Going to the hospital once again. Making her list of things she wants to do once she gets out.
That’s right. Her list. 100 things she wants to do. And now, here she was, writhing in agony on the ground, sobbing and dying and never being able to fulfill them. And on the very day that she was supposed to be discharged.
She couldn’t think straight. All she knew was that the world around her began to fade away as she was gently led into the darkness. Pain was melting away into a safe numbness and her screaming voice grew quieter and quieter as she closed her eyes for the final time.
“Saki! Saki, Saki, please,” she heard someone scream, but she paid no attention to that. After all, why should she? Nothing mattered anymore. She had the cold, numb darkness, the one that was blanketing her and taking her away from pain, away from troubles, away from misery and loneliness and fear. The one that was telling her that everything was going to be okay, the one that was slowly guiding her away from everything and deeper into the darkness.
There was only one thing tethering her to the horrible world out there, the only thing left keeping her from seeking her eternal peace.
A final breath of air, still in her lungs, keeping her attached, dragging her back to pain.
So,
With a smile,
She exhaled,
And she was taken away.
…
An obnoxious beeping sound made Saki roll over with a groan, blindly feeling around on her bedside table before finding her phone and turning off her alarm.
She blinked open her eyes.
Her bedroom. She’s in her bedroom again.
…
Right. Of course. It was just a dream, after all.
But… why did it feel so real?
Saki yawned. Whatever. It’s 7 AM, and she has to get some breakfast if she wants to make it through the day.
She checked her phone, wondering if she got any notifications while she was asleep.
But one detail caught her eye.
7:00 AM. April 5.
…
…
She went through the photo album again, searching for the one where she was discharged.
What she saw made her tense up.
Rather than a selfie of a smiling Saki, what she saw was a monochrome image of her agonized expression, sobbing on the ground.
“October 4th. Hospital.”
That’s all the caption said.
Something about this… it made her skin crawl as she felt her heart beating ever so slightly faster. But she couldn’t look away. And the more she stared, the more unsettled she felt, and--
“Hey, look, it’s you!”
Saki jumped. When did Tsukasa sit down next to her?
“Back when you just got discharged,” he said in a sweet tone that made her nauseous. “Aww, look at how cute your smile was!”
…
“H- hey, Tsukasa,” she said, trying to hide the shakiness in her voice. “Tsukasa, what… what do I have? I mean, is there a name for my condition or anything…?”
Tsukasa sighed, responding with an answer that she’s already heard countless times before. “Come on, Saki, you know what the doctors said. You have Generic_Anime_Disease_04, remember?”
He said it again.
He said the exact same thing.
“...you know that’s not what I meant,” she tried.
But all he did was tilt his head in confusion.
“Not what you meant…? Hm… If you mean scientific name or whatever, I guess I can look it up. Why? What made you ask?”
…
It’s different this time.
Generic_Anime_Disease_04, huh?
Now that she thinks about it, isn’t that exactly what she’s had her entire life? Why did she think she had something else?
And… she can’t believe her dream self fell for the classic ligma joke.
…
But even if that’s all fine and dandy…
She checked her phone again.
April 5.
Today’s been going the exact same as yesterday.
And then there’s also the whole deal with the picture.
She looked back to the album, back at the portrayal of her pained, tortured self. The one that Tsukasa didn’t seem to have any issue with.
She studied every feature on her face. And the more she stared, the more creeped out she got.
She couldn’t take it anymore.
She flipped several pages, burying it under various other memories she had made. Colorful ones, happy ones, ones that…
…
Ones… that…
…
…
…
…huh?
“Baked cookies with everyone today.”