Chapter Text
"And every I step I take, got the devil to repay
I'll never make it out alive, but I won't surrender
Had to take it day by day, had to learn the hard way
Like a phoenix rising up from ash and ember"
Ash & Ember by Augustana
The tapping on his window roused him from his sleep. His Saturday of surfing must have caught up with him in the form of an afternoon nap. He flicked on the light by his nightstand and in turn illuminated the familiar face in his bedroom window.
“Jesus Kie, you can use the front door you know.” And she did know but she didn’t want Luke to see her face like this. “Oh my god.” JJ’s eyes widened as he took her in, he’d seen her at the break a few hours ago and her face since then had a black eye, a split lip and a handprint on her neck.
His hand went touch her eye, but she tilted her head away. He sighed, “let me go get some ice.”
She sat on the edge of his bed, body sagging. JJ returned with a bottle of ibuprofen, a wet washcloth and an ice pack.
“What was his excuse this time?”
“Dinner was cold and mom wasn’t home.” She hissed when the washcloth touched her lip.
“Sorry.” She just shook her head.
“Why does your mom put up with it?” Kie shrugged.
“Do you know where your dad is or when he’s coming home??”
“You know I don’t, Jayj.”
“Want to stay here tonight? I think dad’s going to order pizza.” She hesitated before nodding.
They filed out to the living room where JJ’s dad was attempting a crossword puzzle with Deadly Catch playing on the TV.
“Hey Kie- oh my god. Your face!” He pulled a pair of glasses of his face and stood from his recliner.
“I’m fine.” He sighed at her response.
“Your step-dad again?” She nodded, “he still drinking?”
“Yup.”
“Anymore cigarette burns?” She shook her head. “Well I was going to order us pizza for dinner; you interested is staying?” She smiled.
“Yes please.”
“Can we split a Hawaiian?” JJ asked lightly bumping her shoulder.
“Of course. I’m going to get a supreme, extra olives.” The teens gagged dramatically getting a chuckle from Luke. “You put some ice on that shiner Kie.
“I will.”
Kie and JJ went back to his room. “Want a clean shirt?”
“Yes please.” She looked down and drips of blood on hers.” A sight she was used to.
JJ pulled out a shirt, one his many Kildare island tees and tossed it at her. She took it off and pulled on the fresh one. JJ took her dirty one to the laundry room to treat it. He was a pro at getting out blood stains by now.
They watched Cold Case Files on Netflix, trying to figure out the killer before the reveal. JJ was leaned up against the wall and Kie was sitting between his legs with her back to his chest. It made her feel safe, and usually was a request after an altercation with her mom or step-dad.
“I can’t believe they didn’t solve this for 30 years! Technology is wild!” JJ chuckled at her enthusiasm for science and kissed her head.
“Are you going to be a scientist after we graduate?”
“As if I’m doing anything besides working at The Wreck after high school. But damn wouldn’t it be so cool to do all that!” He squeezed her a little tighter and nodded into her shoulder.
“I think you’d be a great forensic scientist.”
“Thanks Jayj.”
“Pizza delivery!” Luke shouted from the living room.
They descended on the cardboard boxes. Luke passed Kie the hot honey and JJ the ranch dressing and then pair swapped. “I’m going to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and then hit the hay. I’ve got to be at the Marina working on a yacht for 6:00am.”
“Who’s boat?”
“Seasonal resident- it’s the time for it. We’re swimming at work. It’s been fun digging into some new top tier engines though!”
“Maybe we’ll come take a look.” JJ said, “it sounds pretty fun.”
“I’m sure Guffy would give you pay to help if you want. No pressure though kid. It’s summer vacation and you’re already waiting tables at the Island Club.”
“We’re both off tomorrow so we’ll probably hit the break and then pop over - bring you a coffee if you’d like.” Kie offered.
“I wouldn’t say no to that. Wish I could join you guys- maybe some evening next week if the swells are good?”
“We’ll school your ass dad!”
“As usual!” He laughed taking a bite of pizza. “Wheel of Fortune’s starting up. You staying the night Kie?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Yes.”
Luke chuckled at the pair, “Well I’ll be as quiet as I can in the morning, but I’ll be sure to make extra coffee.”
“Thanks Luke.”
“And be careful. I’m too young to be grandpa.”
“Daaaaad.” Luke disappeared into the living room the recliner moaning and the tv getting switched on.
“Cold case files?” JJ said, grabbing the whole box and together they headed back to JJ’s room.
**
Two days later Kiara’s mom finally made it home from wherever she’d been. She was strung out and drunk and the first thing she said to Kiara was that the fridge was empty.
“Not my problem.” Earned her a slap across the face. Kiara clenched her teeth. “Your husband’s been looking for you.”
“Yeah, I bet, where is he?”
“Working.”
“Why the fuck are you here? Shouldn’t you be working too?”
“I worked the breakfast shift.”
“Maybe if you worked a little more the fridge wouldn’t be empty.” Kie didn’t say anything, but went back to her book and munching on dry cheerios.
“Listen here you ungrateful brat.” Her mom slammed her hands on the table. Kiara calmly put her bookmark in her book and faced her mom. Calm as can be on the outside, shaking and scared on the inside. Her mom would never know.
“You need to be pulling your weight around here. You’re not a baby anymore. I’m tired of it. If there’s hours to be worked, do it otherwise find somewhere else to live.” Her mom pinched her arm then breaking the skin and kie has experienced them enough to know it’d leave a little bruise. Hidden, but a reminder.
She heard the flick of a cigarette box and click of a lighter. And she felt her breath quicken. She hoped her mom would just grab a drink and go pass out on the couch. She prayed she wouldn’t burn her. The front door opened and Kevin walked in smelling like fried food and seafood. Kiara tried not to gag.
“Anna!”
“In here baby.”
“Where the fuck have you been.”
“I’m here now baby.” The sound of his palm striking her mother’s face echoed throughout the kitchen. Kiara closed her eyes and waited. Waited for them to leave the room and hoped she’d remain invisible. She wanted to close her eyes but learned long ago she couldn’t do that.
“What’d you score?”
“Why do you think I was out scoring?”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Enough to share.” Kiara heard the sound of a plastic baggie and a grunt of approval from her stepdad.
Kiara took her book and went to make her exit. Hopefully without any issues, but luck wasn’t on her side tonight.
She laid on her bed, tears trailing down her cheeks. Kevin and her mom were drunk and high. She could hear them laughing over the shitty music they had blasting from the living room.Kevin drank throughout the day plastic quarts full of Bud Lite from 6am to 6pm. He’d take hits from his bong in the office and pop whatever pills he could find. He’d snort Coke too whenever he could afford it. The drugs and drinking made it impossible to predict his moods.
Tonight had been no exception, he was angry at her mom and took it out on her. Because her mom still had something to offer be it drugs, sex or booze.
She wanted to go to JJs, even John B’s. Even though things had been weird since his dad went missing. JJ worried too much and made her feel guilty for loving him. She knew John B would tell JJ. Maybe Pope but he’d panic and call JJ too. Mayn’t she could just go for a walk. Everything hurt too much and she couldn’t risk seeing Shoupe or Peterkin.
Her phone dinged. It was Pope asking if they were all still on for fishing tomorrow since they are all off for the day. He said his dad was letting them use the boat so they could go out farther. She didn’t want to show up looking like she did and make up was a futile effort when she knew they’d be swimming. She could hear mom and Kevin in the living room. She didn’t want to stay the night here. Her mom’s homecomings usually turned volatile and while they’d finished with her; she hated listening to them fight. She actually wanted to sleep tonight.
She winced and gritted her teeth as she rose from the bed. She packed a swimsuit and some clothes into a backpack. Crawling out the window would be fun, thankfully it was only a first floor drop. She was quiet as a mouse having had years of practice. She took the road to the beach. It was after 10pm there shouldn't be anyone out at least not in this area of The Cut and she did want to sit on the beach for a bit before finding her way to JJ’s.
Turns out she wasn’t the only one looking for quiet on the beach. Sarah Cameron Kook Princess was pacing the beach.
“Don’t you have your own beach to carve a moat on your side of the island?” She jumped a foot in the air, a hand to her heart.
“Jesus Christ.”
“Nope, not today.” Kiara let out a laugh that turned into a pained wheeze.
“What happened to you?” Kiara shrugged. “Seriously, you look awful! Was it your boyfriend?”
“No, god no, he’d never. It doesn’t matter.” Kiara plopped into the sand. “Why are you here?”
Sarah hesitated but sat in the sand next to Kiara and said, “my ex won’t leave me alone. He’s stalking me. He has a geolocation on my phone.”
“What? That’s fucked.”
“I know. If I want to be alone I have to leave it at home. And even then sometimes he still manages to find me.”
“Who the fuck-“
“Topper Thornton.”
“The judge’s golden boy grandson? He’s a twat.” Sarah laughed.
“Yeah he is.” They say in silence, listening to the waves and watching the night sky. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Who beat the shit out of you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does.” Sarah insisted, but Kie just shook her head.
“What do you do for fun Kook Princess?”
“Probably the same things you do.”
“I doubt that.”
“Swimming, water skiing, pedicures, shopping, umm”
“You lost me at water skiing- that’s so kooky.”
“What do you do for fun?”
“Surfing, fishing, reading, true crime podcasts and documentaries.”
“Do you listen to Crime Junkie?” Sarah asked excitedly and Kiara nodded.
“They were one of the first ones I started listening to!” The pair ended up talking about true crime for hours. When the sun started to come up over the horizon. Sarah sighs and she should probably make her way back home before anyone realizes she was gone.
“Your face looks worse in the light,” she said before she turned her back.
“So does yours.” Sarah turned and flipped her off with a smile.
Kiara made her way to Heyward’s where she was meeting the boys. She kept her face looking down at the sidewalk until she reached the dock. She wasn’t the last one there, Pope and JJ were lugging on a cooler. And when they turned around they both audibly gasped.
“Oh my god Babe!” JJs eyes were wide and full of concern. She shrugged at the attention.
“I’ll go grab you some ice and Tylenol.” Pope said giving the couple space. JJ started examining her face, gently tilting her head to get a better look.
“Is it just your face?” He asked, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She shook her head and bit her lip. She lifted up the hem of her shirt and JJ’s eyes filled with tears.
“Holy shit.” Said a voice from behind them. They turned and Pope and John B were staring wide eyed and the bruises of all shapes, sizes and colors covering her torso. There was a new cigarette burn too, that was on her outer thigh just beneath the hem of her shorts. They hadn’t seen it yet but once she was in her bikini they would.
“Is this why we haven’t seen you in a week?” Pope asked, his voice hoarse.
“My mom was MIA. So a little bit, yeah.”
“I don’t think you got enough ice.” John B observed pursing his lips and swallowing loudly. The pair retreated into the store. JJ stared at her stomach. His hand reached out to graze the darkest colored areas.
“I didn’t realize it was this bad Kie.” The tears had spilled down his cheeks. “Let me talk to my dad.”
“No JJ. It’s okay.” What she didn’t say was, this is why we always have sex in the dark. Or why hugging sometimes hurts or this is why I wear as many clothes as possible and cover up what I can.
“Kie, it is clearly not.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She yanked her shirt down and crossed her arms. “I just want to enjoy a day off with my friends and boyfriend.” Her voice changed from defensive to soft, “like I’m normal.”
Enjoy the day they did. They swam, ate sandwiches Pope’s mom packed for them, fished and planned a whole dinner spread for when they returned with their fresh fish. Each boy tried to talk to her about the bruises they saw, the cigarette burns scabbed and new, the bump in her nose from the multiple breaks and her black eye. She waved them off and changed the topic and enjoyed the freedom of nothing but the open ocean.
They returned home and made dinner with the Heywards: fresh fish, corn on the cob and biscuits. Kiara loved her friend's parents. They were inquisitive, supportive and loving. She and JJ had been best friends since kindergarten, Pope joined them in first grade having skipped kindergarten and John B was the last in 3rd. They’d been together ever since- inseparable. They were her family.
And when she closed her eyes at night wherever she was falling asleep she could pretend they were her only family. Sometimes, she’d dream of all the possible futures that waited for her.
Surfing the world with JJ, solving cold cases, babies with JJs big blue eyes, a college degree, a wedding dress. There were nights she dreamed she woke up pain free, no stiffness, no aches just normal.
Those dreams were the worst and often seemed the least attainable.