Chapter Text
"Am I reaching out for something that I can't grab
Something infinitely splitting into two halves
Is there something I forgot that I can't remember
Am I swimming in a river that was manmade
Demolishing a road that was just paved
It's like trying to catch a junebug in late December"
-Ash & Ember by Augustana
Maybe it was her age but she felt as though her mom’s addiction had gotten worse in the last year. The angry knocks on the door late at night. The screaming, holes punched in the wall and the empty cans and bottles that littered the floor were piling up.
Her mom was pale, gaunt and always angry or passed out. Kevin’s anger threshold had stretched and Kiara felt fear differently than she did before.
She showed up to her shifts at the wreck and avoided interacting with Kevin. She spent nights at the beach sometimes running into Sarah to take her mind off things.
JJ worried too much and she felt like she was pulling him downward. She found herself spending less time at his house, less time at the Chateau and avoiding the break. She couldn’t surf anymore anyway. She was pretty sure Kevin broke her ribs when he kicked her last week. She had a few weeks until school started to get her mom a little more on track to keep up appearances with teachers and keep DCFS out of their business.
On this particular evening Kiara finished the lunch shift and headed home at 4. She was going to get her mom in a shower, food in her and try to converse about slowing down at least for 1 more year. Once Kiara graduated she could fall back off into her drugged up and out haze.
There was someone on the porch when she started up the crumbling walk. “Who are you?” He asked. He looked smarmy and Kie knew him as Kevin’s dealer - his coke and weed dealer specifically. He went elsewhere for pills she supposed. His face took on the same look most did when they saw her these days- wide eyes and a slack jaw. Her make up had worn off and the discoloration was visible.
“I live here what’s it to you?”
“Kevin around?
No he’s at work still.”
“Anna?”
“Probably passed out”
“You tell them I want my money or it’s not going to be pretty.”
“I’m not telling them shit.” She tried to pass him to the front door but his arm jerked out in front of her.
“You’ll tell them.”
“In case you can’t tell, talking doesn’t really happen with words here. So no I’m not. Come back after 6 Kevin should be back and you deal with their shit then. I don’t want anything to do with it.” She opened the front door and hurried inside. Her mom was in her room laying on the bed. Kiara starred looking for signs of breathing and once she saw it she let her own breath out, not realizing she was holding it in.
She didn’t want to wake her mom up. She never knew what she was going to get. Her hands shaking she touched her mom. She smoothed her hair back and gentle called her name being as soft and soothing as she could. Her moms eyes opened, sunken in. Once beautiful her mom now looked too terrible for words - unrecognizable.
Her moms eyes opened, she blinked shifty and bleary eyed. “Hey mom.” She responded with a groan. “Come on, let's get you up for a little bit.” She struggled but eventually had her mom in the shower. She sat on the lid of the toilet mostly making sure her mom didn’t pass out.
She made a box of macaroni and cheese and encouraged her mom to eat as much of it as she could.
“What’s all this for Kiara?”
“School’s starting up in a few weeks mom.” Her mom’s blank stare was worrisome. “We just have to be more cautious.” Her mom took a bite and nodded slowly.
“It’s my senior year, my last year and then it’s fine. I’ll be eighteen in May. We just have to - lay low you know?”
“I think you’re doing a fine job taking care of yourself.” Kiara gritted her teeth.
“I mean more that the bruises need to be less on my face.”
“You bring that on yourself Honey, and I can’t control Kevin. He’s got a mind of his own.”
“You know if DCFS gets called I’d be taken away and you’d both be arrested.” She looked skeptical as if she hadn’t encountered DCFS before. “Whatever mom.”
Kiara pushed herself off the table and went to her room. She wanted to leave before Kevin got home. She gathered her things and sighed heavily.
Her mom was still at the kitchen table when she emerged. This time sipping a beer. “Barry was here by the way, looking you and Kevin.” She didn’t wait for her mom’s response and left.
She went to the beach. There were people there but she didn’t mind. She sat with a book and tried to escape in the words.
“You’re here early.” She looked up to see Sarah standing over her.
“Yeah, worked my shift and needed a reset.”
“Your face looks like shit.” Sarah sat down on the towel Kie had laid out.
“Usually does. So what brings you here at this early hour?”
“Things boiled over with Topper, and I broke up with him.”
“You what?”
“Yup. Threw my phone into the marsh and everything.” Kiara cackled, “good for you!”
“Feels good. I’m sure he’ll still show up to stalk me at places he knows I frequent, but whatever.”
They chatted on beach before Sarah asked her if she wanted to go get dinner somewhere. Kie hesitated, “I don’t know Sarah.”
“It’ll be my treat.”
“But I look like this,”
“We’ll sit a dark corner.”
“Oh I see, you’re trying to get lesbian rumors out to Topper.”
“Busted. But seriously I’m starving. And if you’d rather we can get take out?”
“Yeah, okay. If you’re sure you want to be seen with a Pogue.” They made their way to Sarah’s car and Kiara was nervous to even sit in it.
They pulled up to a new restaurant and Sarah and Kie walked in. It was casual and no one paid them any mind as Sarah requested a booth in the back to the hostess.
Sarah insisted on ordering mozzarella sticks and fried pickles and they each ordered burgers.
“I never would have pegged you as a burger eater.”
“Salads are great too but there’s a time and place to eat like a bird.”
“I’ve never had a friend who was a girl. Only The Pogues.”
“I’ve never had like a real friend before.” They finished everything and Sarah got the check.
“Do you want me to drop you off anywhere?” Sarah asked and Kie thought about it.
“Yeah, can you take me to The Chateau?”
“The what?” Kiara laughed, “take a left here.”
The arrived at John B’s and the place was lit up and she could hear the cackle of a fire and laughter that turned silent when they heard the car. Three faces poked around the side of the house and she waved at them. JJ rushed her picking her up and wrapping her around him.
“I haven’t heard from you in ages!”
“No one paid the cell bill and Sarah here threw hers in the marsh.” JJs eyebrows reached his hairline. “Sare you want to stay fit a bit?”
“Sure.”
“Guys this is Sarah.”
————————————-
The last few weeks had been great. At least in her social life. With Sarah as a friend she always had a full belly and her Pogues had been taken by her too. It kind of seemed like John B had a crush but Kie was having too much fun having another girl around to really care. Sarah kind of sucked at surfing but they were all helping her and it had created a bond between them all. Sometimes she was lost in the moment she forgot about her home life.
Kevin hadn’t even acknowledged her at work lately. She had yet to determine if it was a good or bad thing. He’d seemed weirder lately, and The Wreck was losing business fast even in the last few weeks of summer.
She had to go home that night. JJ asked her to stay over but she hadn’t seen her mom in a few weeks now and she wanted to check in on her and she had to do some laundry. She walked from the break where the rest of her friends were finishing up a surf session with Sarah. She didn’t let any of her friends near her house. She didn’t know what could happen and she didn’t want to risk it.
The plus side of having not been home was that her bruises were starting to heal. The downside was she didn’t know what to expect when she opened the door.
There was a smell like body odor, rotting food and blood. There were three people Kiara didn’t know in the living room- passed out. One of the had a tie on her arm and Kiara felt sick and lightheaded when she realized it was heroin.
Her gut instinct told her to leave. She slowly took in the rest of the house trying to find her mom. She was in the bathroom slumped in the corner and passed out.
Kiara hurried over trying to wake her and checking her pulse. “Mom! Mom! Mom!” She didn't wake up but she was warm and when Kiara checked her neck there was a faint pulse. She went back to the living room to find a phone to call for help. She was successful in finding one on the coffee table. She phoned 911 and told them what was going on and what was happening and she tried to keep it together.
They dispatcher said they were on the way. The police and an ambulance. The dispatcher said she’d stay on the phone until they arrived Kiara went back to her mom and was almost there when the door slammed open and Kevin came barreling in rage in his eyes. He grabbed her around the neck and slammed her into the wall holding her there.
She fought him, pulled at his hand and tried to kick him. He slammed her into the wall and she saw spots. His strength was overwhelming. It was coming out of nowhere.
“Where’s your mother?”
“Fuck you.” She managed and he slammed her into the wall again. She felt lightheaded and sick from the lack of oxygen. He dropped her and she crumpled to the ground. He smashed a fist to her face and she felt her nose break and blood poor slipping into her mouth.
The coppery taste coating her tastebuds and staining her teeth. A punch to her face, a kick to her ribs, stomach and thighs. Continuous. She tries to protect her body her face, she tries to stand but he knocks her down. He’s shouting but it sounds like gibberish.
Suddenly there’s nothing and she opens her eyes cautiously. Kevin is standing there. He's crazed and she can tell he’s not himself, but she’s never seen him like this.
There are sirens. That’s what’s stopped him. She can hear them and see them and then before she can even think he’s on her grabbing her and pressing something cold and heavy to her temple, and her heart stops when she realizes it’s a gun.
“What have you done?”
“Nothing. I I I didn’t do anything.” She panics when she realizes she has lost the phone with the dispatcher.
“You’re the only one whos conscious here. So who else was it?”
“I don’t know.”
“You fucking bitch.” There’s a knock on the door and when it opens hell breaks lose.
The EMTs retreat, the cops draw their weapons and they’re all pointed at Kiara along with Kevin’s still pressed to her head. She cries. She’s scared and she wants her mom. Not this mom. Her real mom, the mom before the drugs who tucked her in at night and read her stories.
She wanted JJ. But she didn’t want JJ to see this. She wanted him to hold her while she slept. To calm her when she had nightmares and reassure her she was safe there in his arms. She wanted him to kiss her forehead and split pizza with her.
A cry left her body because she didn’t know if she’d get any of those things with him again. Everything felt hazy. Blood was still dripping down her face.
//////// POV change ////////
The Pogues were shutting the doors to the Twinkie when the ambulance drove by and then two cop cars they all looked at each other- Kildare wasn’t immune to emergencies but rarely did they need two cop cars. As John B started the car, two more went by.
“Isn’t that toward where Kie and her mom live?” Pope asked and JJ’s face fell.
“Oh my god.” He started to get out, but John B stopped him, convinced him to get back in the Twinkie and then they all headed in the direction of Kiara’s.
He hadn’t been there in years. Not since her dad had left. The scene before them was nauseating. The road was not yet closed off and they could see their best friend limp and bloody being held with a gun to her head on the front porch. They couldn’t tell from where they were parked if she was conscious or not. JJ started crying and began to get out of the car. Pope touched his shoulder.
“Don’t-“ He didn’t listen. He exited the vehicle and was immediately stopped by a police officer. JJ started to tell them that was his girlfriend when a shot silenced everything and JJ took off toward the porch pushing through police and ambulance personnel. His brain not even thinking what the sight could be but only that Kiara needed him or he needed her. He needed to see her, feel her in his arms and know she was okay.
He didn’t make it that far, he was held back, pushed away. Shoupe returned his to his friends who explained that this was an active crime seen and they needed to leave. JJ explained that he needed Kiara. To see her. Shoupe placed his hands on JJ’s shoulders grounding him.
“JJ, I’m going to call your dad now, can you all just stay here? Keep your eyes averted from the bodies until we can cover them. Shoupe placed a call to dispatch requesting Luke Maybank to call his cellphone.
Luke was there in five minutes flat. He pulled JJ into a hug and let his son sob into his chest.
Shoupe explained what had transpired at least what had been gathered. Luke swallowed hard when Shoupe told him Kiara had a gun to her head and he squeezed JJ tighter.
The Heywards were called next and the Cameron’s and since John B’s dad was on an expedition he went home with the Heywards for the time being. They were all needed at the police station tomorrow morning to provide statements.
———— POV back to Kiara————-
Everything hurt. She couldn’t open her eyes she kept trying, but she couldn’t.
“Honey, your heart rate is spiking you need to calm down.” A warm hand rubbed soothing circles on her arm and Kiara felt a need for JJ’s warm hands on her.
When she was able to pry her eyes open she immediately shut them due to the light.
“Kiara?” Suddenly there was a flurry of people around her and she felt scared she tried to move but she couldn’t and fuck everything hurt.
And then there was less pain, and she felt sleep pulling her and hoped she’d see JJ in her dreams.
The next time she woke it wasn’t as bright but she didn’t know where she was. It took her awhile to get her bearings.
Shoupe was in the room, reading the Kildare Times. He asked her if he could ask her some questions, a doctor joined them and Kiara answered everything the best she could. She asked about her mom but they looked at each other and didn’t answer.
She asked about JJ. Shoupe smiled, he gave an answer that resembled something about family only, but he’d make an exception. A few minutes later she heard familiar footfalls and JJ was next to her and she had chills seeing him and he looked awful; like he hadn’t slept, or eaten.
She put a hand out to him and he grasped it like it was a bar of gold. Tears flooded his cheeks, “I thought you died.” He sobbed and she ran a comforting hand on his skin.
“Can’t kill a Pogue,” she whispered, her throat raw and sore.
Luke joined them. Kissing her forehead, “glad you’re here kiddo.”
JJ and Luke didn’t answer her about any questions related to her mom, but they stayed with her until her next batch of pain meds that made her fall asleep.
Kevin was dead. She thought she might feel relieved but instead she felt nothing. Her mom overdosed but thanks to narcan was currently in a coma but alive.
They were trying to track down her dad overseas. He was stationed somewhere and Kiara didn’t even know.
DCFS of course made an appearance and she expected the worst, but Sarah Cameron’s dad said he’d be her guardian until they figured stuff out with her dad. Kiara couldn’t believe it. She expected to be placed in foster care somewhere on the mainland with strangers.
She had to stay in the hospital for a week. The X-rays they showed her (and the Pogues who were visiting) made Luke cry. He said he didn’t realize it was that bad and if he’d known. And Kiara admitted that she hid everything to keep all the suspicion away.
Luke told her he tried to have her stay with them too but his record from his twenties prevented him from doing so. He assured her she was welcome at their home anytime.
On the night of a full moon a month later, Sarah drove them to The Chateau, where her boyfriend John B started rattling off about the Royal Merchant and gold.
JJ had Kiara tucked against him, close as can be. They listened to their friend and his theory. Kiara tried to listen, but JJ was running a hand up and down her arm. He smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head.
Things were really starting to look up.