Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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“I’m not acting to make people happy. I’m doing it for myself. If you feel something from my acting, that’s your prerogative. I don’t love anyone… and if someone loves me, I won’t give them anything in return. You should only love me if you’re fine with that. Take it however you want.”  

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“Aqua,” Kana laughed brightly as something caught her eyes beyond the sliding doors leading to his balcony. “Look!” She said as she opened the doors, pointing up towards the sky. “Wow! You can really see the stars tonight, huh?” 

He followed her out, eyes drawn in the direction of where she pointed. 

The stars are sparkling.

Nights like this don't come often in Tokyo. They had been numerous back in Miyazaki, back when he was still Gorou Anamiya. He’d stand beneath those stars countless times. When he was still that doctor from that small town, his grandmother had taught him the names of all of the different constellations. There was Orion, Ursa Major, Minor, Lyra, Draco, and many others that lingered at the frayed edges of his mind. And amongst those twinkling constellations, she had told him that was where his mother rested, scattered like stardust. 

Not Ai.

Gorou’s mother. The one which he never knew. 

Though, that life felt far away now. He didn’t know where the old him ended and the new him – Aquamarine Hoshino, began. 

Perhaps, there was no longer a difference. 

If there was, he could scarcely remember it. His old life was more like a distant dream; his memories, flashes of moments frozen in time that felt vaguely familiar but alien. It was like viewing an image through a plastic film. And yet – memories from that life only spurred him on in his current goal of revenge. Memories of Ai from then collided together like asteroids burning to ash along a star’s hot surface with the scarce few memories that he could recall from his childhood, molding into something altogether different, something brighter. 

That light couldn’t be further from him now, as distant as Ai’s memory. 

Those memories that he’d cherished had twisted into something darker. A calling that could not be denied or ignored. It sits with him, gnawing at his thoughts like a vicious, snarling beast.

You don’t deserve happiness. Not when her happiness was snatched away. 

That thought haunted him throughout his years as Aqua Hoshino. It still haunted him. How could it not, when he had done nothing as the life drained from Ai in front of his very eyes? Even now, he didn’t know how long he had sat on the floor listening to Ruby’s sobs, covered in Ai’s cooling blood. It cooled on his skin as she grew colder, as her body grew stiff. They’d had to pry him from her very arms once the rigor mortis had set in.

And like that – the sky had become empty and barren, the stars dying with Ai. 

Like Gorou’s grandmother, Ai had shown him the stars too once as a child. On a night much like this. 

They were so bright tonight. 

Much like that night – he was not alone either, though the atmosphere couldn’t be more different. Kana Arima was here with him now, staring up at the night sky. There was a slight reflection in her eyes, as the moonlight made them glitter, not like stars but something else entirely. It was that look that she sometimes gets when she had thrown herself entirely into a role. When those eyes drew you in, demanding attention. That commanding presence. It was a little like Ai.

But different.

Warmer, maybe? 

Aqua wondered what she thought of when she sees the stars. Does she know the names of the constellations? Did she also sometimes look up at them and long for things that would forever be nothing but lights in the distance? Or were they simply pretty things, out of reach but beautiful as they had been to Ai? 

She’d popped up randomly at his house. She’d been doing that more often since they had made up all those months ago. Knocking on his door, barging in, drawing his gaze in a way that was difficult to turn away from – even with his goal in mind. Insisting that he have fun, of all things. She had always been tempting in that way; her very presence offering all of the things that he couldn’t allow himself to have. 

Laughter. Happiness. A future.

All of the things that he had long since thrown away. 

“Hey,” Kana said, tilting her head toward his direction. “Do you know the names of any of the constellations?” 

That question makes him blink, not quite expecting her to ask that. “Why do you think I would know that?”

“You’re a walking encyclopedia,” she shot back, grinning. “You knew all kinds of things about pandas, after all. I didn’t even know half of all that and I read all of the time.”

It’s easy to fall into this kind of banter with her, however, thinking about those stars makes something in his chest twist hard, as if someone had reached right in, locking cold fingers around his heart. Still, he found himself answering as he walked forward, taking one of the hands that he had stuffed into his pocket and lifting it toward the sky. “Do you see that one right there?” He asked, pointing towards the northern part of the sky. “If you squint it looks a little bit like a bear. It’s called Ursa Major .”

Kana’s eyes narrowed. “How does that look like a bear?”

“It’s not totally exact,” he chided, “But look – there’s the point of its nose, right there,” he said, finger pointing towards it before dragging towards where it ended, “And there is its tail. It’s also known as the Great Bear,” the words came easily, even if the memories of Gorou’s grandmother are hazy, growing more and more distant each year that passes. “Would you like to hear a story about it?”

Kana’s hand cupped her chin, looking at him rather than the stars. “Sure. Tell me a story.”

“Once upon a time,” Aqua began, falling into the tale easily, “Hera, the wife of Zeus learned that her husband had sired a son on another woman. Her name was Callisto, and she was apparently very beautiful. Beautiful enough to raise the ire of the Queen of all the gods. She took Callisto and twisted her from a human into a great and hulking bear. When Zeus realized what she had done, he threw Callisto into the sky in order to save her life. Like this, she’d live eternally,” he recounted the story as Gorou’s grandmother had told it to him all those years ago.

Kana’s lips parted, surprised. “That’s actually really sad,” her cheeks filled with air, sort of like a chipmunk. It was adorable, but he didn’t let himself dwell on that. “I didn’t think you’d tell a sad story!”

“You didn’t specify the kind of story you wanted to hear,” he rebutted. 

Lightly, she poked his shoulder, “Assume that I like happy things,” she said with a roll of her eyes. Then, she pointed in the direction of Orion . She squinted, tracing the outline of the constellation with her finger. “What’s that one called?”

“Orion .”

“Are there any happy stories about Orion? ”

He pursed his lips, thinking. “Nope.”

“That’s lame,” Kana said with a loud and obnoxious sigh. “Such pretty stars should inspire happiness, shouldn’t they?” 

He thought Ai would think similarly. She liked pretty things and happy stories, too, from what he remembered. Though, beauty didn’t always bring joy. There was a bittersweetness that came with witnessing a star’s bright light. Even if one was captivated by its glow, those twinkling stars would always remain out of reach. One could only long for them.

Those same stars that they currently saw might not even still exist.

“If you say so,” he said with a shrug. There was a lull of quiet between them and he could feel Kana looking at him. Her brow creased like she was racking her brain for something to say. Her nose was wrinkled, and she drummed her fingers along the balcony's railing. A peal of air billowed through the balcony, blowing through their hair. 

Kana broke the silence first. 

“I didn’t just come by today to talk about stars,” she admitted. This caught his attention. Normally she popped by or called him out whenever the urge struck her. She’d always been a talkative one, rattling off about whatever happened to come into her head. She was direct and foul-mouthed, not at all the careful or contemplative type. He was surprised she hadn’t come right out and said what she wanted to say, whatever it was.

“No?”

“No,” Kana turned back towards the sky. She rested her cheek on her forearms as she leaned against the railing in a way that was reminiscent of the nights leading up to  B-Komachi’s first concert. He’d spent a lot of time talking to Kana back then from behind that stuffy bird mask. Their relationship had been simpler then. Easier to define. In hindsight, it was silly of him to go through so much effort to speak to her but her cold shoulder had been harder to handle than he would’ve thought. 

It was difficult when the sun turned its back on you. It was even harder to ignore those warm rays – to bask in darkness rather than light. Though, that was the path that he’s chosen for himself. There wasn’t any point in belaboring it now. 

He almost chuckled. He had been so naive. 

“I actually wanted to ask you about your interview. The one that aired the other day.”  

There was an air of forced nonchalance in her approach. Despite being such a talented actress, Kana was a terrible liar. Her tells were obvious – from the way that her hands twitched anxiously, to the tightness of her smile, like her lips had been stretched too far. She clasped her hands together. 

“It was kind of hard to watch,” She said, “I don’t think I’m the only one who feels that way, either. You don’t really think that stuff, do you?”

Aqua’s lips twisted upward, bitterly amused. He had answered the reporter’s questions as honestly as he could without giving too much away. With the impending release of his film, he was sure that his father was more than aware of his plans by this point. His words had been a declaration of war of sorts. It was the first time he had spoken so candidly with the press, revealing some of the darkness that dwelt beneath the carefully crafted mask of the actor, Aqua Hoshino. 

Perhaps, Kana didn’t like that glimpse into who he really was. 

Perhaps, it had scared her. 

“What do you mean?” He asked softly. He leaned back against the wall beside the balcony’s sliding glass doors.

“I mean,” she scowled in barely contained frustration as she turned on her heel to face him. He knew she hated it when he was evasive, but that did little to stop him.  “Do you really think that you’re not capable of love?” She gestured towards him, features drawn into a hard glare. She always wore her emotions so clearly on her face. There were never any lies with Kana. She was far too straightforward for all of that.

Kana wasn’t one for playing games.

She was naive like that. Despite being in the entertainment business for so long, it was impossible for her to mask her true thoughts and emotions. In an industry that favored pretty lies and spectacle, Kana was sharp-tongued and bullheaded. Aqua didn’t dislike those things about her, in fact, it was quite the opposite. He only wished that she would wise up soon. Things would be difficult for her if she didn’t.

Like now.

She was looking at him expecting an answer, another glimpse into the innocence she still possessed despite the hardships she had endured.

There were many things that he could say. He could tell her, “Of course, I don’t mean that. I just seem more mysterious on camera when I say things like that.” 

Or.

“My acting must be really good if you fell for that, Arima.

Ai would answer that way. But, he was not Ai. He was Aqua. Or Gorou. Or perhaps he was someone else entirely. 

“I said that because it’s true. I’m not,” was all he said. Kana’s frown deepened. She didn’t understand. That was fine. She shouldn’t ever need to understand that kind of thing. Something was dead inside of him. Something was broken that could not be fixed. Irreparable. 

She looked like she wanted to protest. He could see that urge within her as it shone clearly in those large doll-like crimson eyes. She’d help him if he let her. She’d shine for him – and only him if he asked her to. He had noticed it before, of course. Not right away. At first, he had simply appreciated her bluntness. Her bad attitude was refreshing and different from what he was used to. He didn’t have to pretend with Arima, able to reveal parts of himself that had long since been buried with Ai’s death. Ai had often said that idols performed under the illusion of lies, but there was none of that with Kana. 

She meant everything that she said. 

That was why people would always exploit her.

It was both a shame and a blessing that she was still so innocent. Her talent was truly all-encompassing. Even he couldn’t help but be a little star-struck by her; she was amazingly talented, after all, and talent had always drawn him in like a moth to a flame.

He could be happy with her, he let himself. He knew that well. 

As if you deserve to be happy. 

Right. He didn’t deserve a single thing. 

Kana was normally so chatty – she could easily fill any silence as she spoke about all kinds of topics, but his answer stumped her. She must not have expected that. He could almost picture her watching his interview, jaw slacked and brow furling as she tried to understand why he would say something like that.

She didn’t understand that love meant nothing to a dead man walking.

“We… spoke about this before, haven’t we?” Kana asked, her eyebrows knitting together with worry. “At the Brazilian BBQ restaurant. You said before that you shouldn’t love anyone. But that you’d changed your mind,” she sounded hopeful that she’s found this memory. Then, she made a face, like she had just tasted something sour. “You started dating Akane Kurosawa after that, right?” She never did like bringing up his past relationship with Akane unprompted; she must be serious about this if she had done that.

“What’s your point?” 

“My point,” Kana clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “– Is that if you’ve dated someone before that has to mean that you don’t think love is completely impossible, right?”

His lips twitched as he held back a smile that wouldn’t reach his eyes.

“Wrong.”

He could see her confusion. She made a stuttering sound before she caught herself, eyes brimming with emotion. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but couldn’t quite find the words. 

Kana then forced a laugh, “Did Akane do that much of a number on you? She must’ve been the one to break up with you or something. Don’t you know there are other fish in the sea? You don’t need to give up because of one bad experience.”

He was sure it must look that way from an outsider looking in. Or perhaps that was how she rationalizes his words and actions. That his swearing-off love must come from heartbreak. It did – but not the heartbreak of losing Akane. There was fondness there, but not love even if he had pretended for a little while. He’d played the role of the dutiful boyfriend perfectly. He’d even tried to keep Kana safe and far away from him. For even though he could recognize his attraction to the red-haired girl, he also knew that idols with boyfriends sometimes ended up dead. 

Staying away was the responsible thing to do. The moral thing. Akane was a convenient place to put emotions that he otherwise couldn’t release. He used her to forget about Kana – and she used him not to feel alone, at least until neither of them could continue painting that elaborate tapestry of lies.

“It’s not what you think,” Aqua said as he crossed his arms. “If anything, dating Akane only showed me that it was pointless to even attempt to find anything more.

“That’s not true!” Kana blurted out. She took a step toward him, her hand resting on her chest, like hearing him say those things hurt her heart. For all he knew, it probably did. “People are meant to be loved – and to love. We can’t make it alone, you know?”

“Are you saying that because it’s you who doesn’t want to be alone?”

His question left her speechless, her eyes wide and filled with hurt. He was being cruel.  He knew that. Kana’s fears of abandonment were plain for anyone to see even without her coming right out and saying them as she had done when they had first reconciled after he revealed Ai’s secret. She wore it plainly in the way she dimmed her own light just to keep others close. It was so obvious that it was a miracle that she’d only been embroiled in one sex scandal instead of many.

It would only take a few sweet lies to leave her ruined. 

A few kind words were enough to leave her flustered and stuttering. You’re special to me , he had said. It was true – she was special to him, but that one sentence shouldn’t have been enough to leave her so rattled, as he had only burrowed even deeper into her heart. It was as endearing as it was infuriating to witness, to the point that he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

She was still like this.

What would she even do after I’m gone? He wondered, watching the emotion well up in her eyes. It would be so easy to smooth over what he said with a just kidding , or to backtrack, but the way that she looked at him left him strangely angry. She cared to her own detriment. He wondered if, like Akane, she’d let him use her up until there was nothing left within her to give.

“Don’t project your feelings onto me, Arima,” Aqua said coldly. 

She looked as though she had been slapped, her large eyes wide with shock before her hands balled into fists. There was a tremble that went through her. She was searching his expression, looking for even the smallest sign that he hadn’t meant what he said – that he was joking. He didn’t give her that, returning her gaze with a flat, bored one. “Is that what you think?” She asked, voice quivering with anger. “That I’m projecting onto you?”

“That’s what it seems like.”

“You can be such a jerk sometimes,” she said, eyes hardening and jaw clenched tightly. “Is it that hard to believe that I’m bringing this up to you because I care? Because you’re my friend?”

He couldn’t hold back a mocking laugh. What did she think was going to happen from saying that? Did she think that she’d change his mind? That some pretty words from her would be enough to save him? What had she called him before? Her precious friend. Her words had touched him at the time — had made something shift in his heart, but now those words only filled him with bitter amusement. 

And anger. 

“Why are you laughing like it’s funny?” She demanded. She took another step towards him, this one more sure and certain. She had forgotten her hesitance in her anger, but that only made his ire grow. She really had no sense of preservation, did she? Advancing on a young man when they were alone. Did she even have a single clue how vulnerable she was right now? 

Probably not. 

She doubted that even crossed her mind. She probably even felt safe with him. Something mad and infectious swelled in his chest. He laughed again, softer this time as he shook his head. If she knew what was good for her, she’d go running out of the house. “Why are we having this conversation, Arima?”

Kana blinked rapidly, that question throwing her for a loop. “I – What?” She asked, tongue-tied. “What are you trying to accomplish here?” Aqua rephrased his question. His head tilted to the side as he studied her face. Confusion and hurt flittered across her expression. This time, he took a step toward her – and then another. She didn’t move away from him, even when he was directly in front of her. 

“I’m worried about you!” She said, not backing down. Then again, when did she ever? “Anyone would be worried if their friend said what you did!”

Friend.

There was that word again. Irritation bites at the back of his tongue like rising acid. Why did it annoy him so much? Was it because she called him a friend when she clearly wanted more than that? He knew that if he asked her out right now, she would accept without even a second thought. Even he had been able to see her disappointment when she realized that he was no longer dating Akane and she had squandered her chance at getting more.

Still, she never pushed.

He’d wondered about that at first. 

It was clear she had wanted to say more – had wanted more, but she didn’t. Was it out of fear of further rejection? Or was it something else? What would he have even said if she admitted her feelings? He didn’t know. Even now he was unsure as his eyes bore down into hers. She was so much smaller than him. So much more vulnerable, and yet she trusted him this much. 

Foolish – so foolish. 

“Is this really all because you just want to be my friend ?” He asked, speaking those unspoken words into existence. Aqua knew about her feelings. He supposed that he had always known – her crush on him had always been apparent to anyone who paid attention even a little bit. It was a bit of a dance between them, something in the air that neither of them wished to acknowledge. Acknowledging it would make it real, and if it was real then the delicate tightrope that they walked upon would snap. 

That question was all it took to break her composure – angry eyes growing embarrassed and her pale skin growing as crimson as her hair. “E-Eh?!” She exclaimed. “What is that even supposed to mean?” She took a step back, as her back hit the banister of the balcony and he caged her in, his arms resting on either side of her as he gripped the railing. There was barely any space between them now. “You don’t understand. Then, how about if I phrase it like this?” 

“Do you like me, Arima?”

That was as direct as he could be. Kana sputtered, unable to even compose a sentence. She couldn’t move now, trapped against the railing. He could feel her body shiver. From fear, maybe? Her lips parted, and she stared at him in what could only be bewildered shock. He should stop this. Remaining on friendly terms with Arima was more beneficial in the long run. She’d play her role in his film expertly. If she were in emotional turmoil, she wouldn’t put out an optimal performance. He needed this film to be successful. If he were going to use her, then what he was doing now was counterproductive.

He knew that well.

And yet – the rage inside of him only grew. Why did she look at him like that? So surprised, like she couldn’t believe he was doing this. Couldn’t believe that he was speaking to her like this. There was something sick inside of him – some deep chasm that oozed and pulsated like a wound left to fester and rot. I’d use even you, Arima Kana, he thought, raising a hand and pinching her chin in between his forefinger and thumb. You shouldn’t trust me.  

Aqua didn’t even trust himself – not when that poison filled his veins. He needed her close, but there was an even larger part of her that wanted her to run away screaming. That was what he deserved. Not her care – and not her love. 

Her pulse throbbed wildly. He could feel it as his thumb brushed against the pale expanse of her throat.

“Why even bring up love, to begin with?” He questioned, leaning closer to her. Her eyes were so wide, the moonlight catching on them and making them look like glittering garnet. “Did my interview upset you because it meant that I couldn’t love you, either?” 

Kana stiffened, trembling harder. Her eyes grew watery but she didn’t shed those tears. Crying had always been her specialty. He wondered if she were forcing her tears now -- or were those genuine? He was tempted to brush them away, but he stomped that desire down along with all of the other troublesome emotions and longing that he didn’t need. “There you go assuming that I like you again,” she whispered.

“You don’t?”

She bit her bottom lip, slowly inhaling. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“And you’re not answering the question.”

Her skin flushed even darker. He wasn’t sure if it was from his proximity or anger, but he couldn’t deny that the color looked appealing on her skin. Laughter built in his chest. He really was awful, wasn’t he? Even now she was getting affected. She hadn’t even tried to push him away yet to his own disbelief. How reckless could she be? “W-What is there to even answer? I told you before. I - I don’t l-like you like that.” Her stuttering didn’t make her sound very convincing.

“No?”

“No, you damn n-narcissist!” She hissed, lying through her teeth. Her hands twitch again together, betraying her. “Now stop trying to piss me off! I’m trying to have an actual conversation with you!”

“How can we do that when you aren’t being truthful?” Aqua’s head tilts to the side, her dissent sparking something red hot inside of his chest. “You said that you wanted me to communicate. That’s what I’m doing now.”

“This isn’t communicating! You’re just being an antagonistic ass right now!” she said, shoving a finger into his chest. He very nearly grabbed it. “E-Even if I did like you – which I don’t – w-what good would come from telling you now? You just want to fight!”

Fight?

Maybe so. 

How could he not act this way when she refused to yield? She was stubborn – so incredibly stubborn about all of the wrong things. “You’d let a man you didn’t like get this close to you?” He asked, this time brushing his thumb over her lips. They were just as soft as they look, though they were a little sticky to the touch from the lip gloss that she wore. It smelled like strawberries.

He’d scare her just a little – then she’d be done with him. 

Kana's eyes grew wide, “W-What are you doing?”

“Are you going to stop me?” He goaded, drawing closer to her until he was only a breadth of an inch away from those strawberry-scented lips. He wouldn’t go any further than this. She'd stop him with this much. She’d panic any second now and his guilt would be assuaged. “Most girls would be scared right about now. If they didn’t like the boy doing this.” 

Just a little more.

There was something sharp in her eyes, something that cut through her obvious anxiousness. “You aren’t that scary,” she said, probably making the worst mistake of her life. 

Oh?

A heavy and viscous heat burned in the pit of his stomach. How foolish of her – but it was so like her to scoff in the face of an obvious threat. She really thought that he meant her no harm. 

What a silly, foolish girl.

He wanted to shake her. He wanted to throw her out of his house and tell her to never return. He wanted to destroy her. 

He wanted to eat her alive. 

Whatever thread of control he had left snapped, as he gripped her shoulders, closing the gap between them and kissing her – hard. She made a sound that was like a mouse’s squeak before it is swallowed by his mouth. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, not like what he was sure her first kiss should have been like. She deserved to be with someone who would take his time with her, who would be chaste and soft. Not a man who fisted a hand into her soft locks of hair in order to pull her even closer to him.

The dark call of madness had never been so sweet. 

How had the atmosphere become so charged? How had he messed up so badly? He nipped and bit at her lips, tasting her the sweet lip gloss on his tongue. She made a soft sound against his mouth; like she was trying to say something but he couldn’t quite make out her words over the buzzing in his skull or the sound of blood rushing in his ears. 

Her small hands grabbed his shirt, bunching up the material in her hands. It would be wrinkled after this, but he didn’t care. 

Aqua’s hand fell to the small of her back, groping at the flesh there with near bruising forced as he pushed her closer to him. It was overwhelming – this feeling. It was a hunger that felt like sharp claws were being dragged along his belly. Gnawing and violent. She was just too sweet, like honeysuckle on his tongue. He dragged his tongue along the outline of her lips, prodding at her mouth until she finally yielded, allowing him in. With each whimper he drew from her, she soothed that ache building beneath his skin but he was quickly struck by the realization that it was not enough. 

Their height difference was beginning to make this difficult and he could feel the strain of leaning in this position for too long beginning to sting. However, he only stopped when the burning in his lungs became too much to bear. He pulled back, breathing heavily and the sight of her nearly knocked the wind out of him even more.

Kana was all red for him and panting. Her normally well-kept hair was mussed and touseled from where he had grabbed her. Hadn’t she had a hat on? Well, if she did it was long gone. Maybe it had fallen off of the balcony. Her lips were swollen and kiss-bitten, slick with his saliva. 

Something twisted hard in his belly.

“A-Aqua,” she murmured his name, her voice distant and almost dreamy. 

“Do you like me?” He repeated and this time she nodded. Her pupils were so dilated they nearly overtook her irises. That was how affected she was. How pliant she was for him. “You really shouldn’t.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” She asked, finally finding her voice. “I can’t help who I like. If I could I would’ve moved on from you forever ago.” That was the smartest thing she’d said all day. Then, she looked bashful, avoiding his eyes as she leaned against him. “Why did you kiss me?”

He wished that he could give her a concrete answer that didn’t make him want to fling himself off of the balcony. However, he had none. He hadn’t meant to kiss her or do even half of what he had done tonight. Instead, he asked, “Do you want me to stop?”

“Answering my question with a question,” she muttered unkindly. “You’re so annoying! And confusing!” She hit his chest, but it wasn’t hard enough to hurt. He almost wished she would fight him off in earnest. That she would care enough about herself to punch and bite until she was free. Almost wished that he could carve out that hopeful part of her that made her so naive.

He could though, couldn’t he? If his body was a blade, then he could cut that innocence out — piece by piece. 

Confusing? He couldn’t argue with her there. He couldn’t even figure out what he wanted more. 

“I kissed you because I wanted to.” That was true, even if it didn’t really answer anything. She glared at him, eyes squinting like she was trying to mull over if that answer was enough for her or not. “Were you expecting more?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, suddenly shy. “It’s not like I have experience with this kind of thing,” Her hands nervously fidget with the material of his shirt. “D-Do you like me too?” She sounded so hopeful that he truly felt like the scum of the Earth. His hand smoothed against the small of her back. There was a longing that he felt — one that built and built until it was impossible to ignore. It would not be denied no matter how many times he had tried to stomp it out — crush it and make it small. 

“Yes,” he admitted, growing to hate himself a little more than he really did.

She smiled, no beamed as her eyes shined with happiness — like he hadn’t just been antagonizing her a few moments ago, mocking her. 

Ah. She was so dazzling when she smiled. 

He’d made her day with one single word and she had no idea that all she had done by accepting it was loop a shackle around her throat — or a collar.

Maybe it was both. 

“Then, no,” she said firmly. “I don't want you to stop.”

Aqua inhaled sharply. Why did she insist on being so difficult?

This time, Kana tugged him down to her level, pressing her mouth to his. She lacked finesse, her lips moving clumsily against his as she yanked him a little harder than she had anticipated. Her teeth knock against his lips before he moved to cup her cheeks. She released a mortified groan, and even he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sorry,” she muttered, cheeks flushing in that adorable way that only made him want to ruin her that much more. 

Instead of responding, he turned her head to a better angle. “Like this,” he instructed, lips parting as he slowly tugged her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it until he felt her knees buckle. It was cute, how responsive she was. Her hands shook, still grabbing the material of his shirt. She didn’t seem to know what to even do with them.

Aqua wrapped his arms around her waist to steady her. What she lacked in experience she more than made up for in enthusiasm. She’d always been a quick learner and this was no different as she deepened the kiss. Like in acting, she matched his energy, following his cues and deepening the kiss as her hands moved from his chest to his shoulders. Her nails dug into the fabric of his shirt as he suckled at the tip of her tongue as she grew bold enough to try using her tongue.

She gasped against his mouth, standing on the tips of her toes as her weight sagged against him. He felt her shiver, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the chill of the night’s air or –

He moved back, and couldn’t stop the arrogant satisfaction that swelled in his chest at the sight of her attempting to chase his lips as he stood to his full height. There was frustration in her eyes – and longing as she stared at his lips shamelessly. She was not quite tall enough even on the tips of her toes to reach him and she gave up after her third try, muttering to herself in irritation. So small – and so needy. He wanted to kiss her again. But he also wanted to tease her – make her as desperate as she had made him. Another shiver wracked her body.

“Are you cold?” Aqua asked, unable to hold back the urge to tuck a few loose strands of her bangs behind her ears. She was growing them out, it seemed. “A little,” she said quietly. Her lashes are very long. How had he not noticed that before?

“Let’s go inside then,” he extricated himself from her, filled with regret at doing so. No matter. They wouldn’t be separated for long. He opened the sliding door, allowing her to enter the living room area, taking just enough time to slide the door closed and lock it before he was on her again. 

He loved the sounds of surprise she made when startled – a hollow intake of air that sounded almost like a squeal when his arms wrapped around her midsection from behind.

“Why did you lie?”

“W-What?”

“When I first asked you if you liked me you lied. You lied before too — about just wanting to be friends. I just wanted to know why,” he buried his face into the nape of her neck, letting the soft strands of hair growing there tickle his cheeks. She smelled nice, her hair giving off the scent of aromatic flowers. It must be the shampoo she used. Unable to resist, he kissed the back of her neck, smiling at how she squirmed in his arms in response.

“W-We were friends before, you know?” She said quietly, her hands squeezing over his where he had latched onto her waist. “And then you just ignored me for nearly a year. I didn’t know whether it was because you knew about my feelings and were staying away out of respect for Akane or if you just hated me. When we started talking again I didn’t want to ruin that by bringing up my feelings. Friendship was enough.”

Was, she said. Was it no longer enough? Then again, he’d all but thrown their friendship away the moment that he kissed, hadn’t he? Even he couldn’t wave a kiss away. A dark part of him wondered if she would let him. “Why did you lie just now then?”

“Because you were being an ass. I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

Aqua chuckled. How very like her. “Don’t you like me anyway, though?” Because she did. It had been two years since they first met and her feelings hadn’t diminished in the least even when they had stopped speaking. Truthfully, neither had his in all of that time. Even if he knew that whatever they had was doomed to fail, it didn’t stop that maddening yearning. "I ought to sock you," she muttered in irritation. "Everything that comes out of your mouth makes me want to scream." 

“And yet, you’re the one with the foul mouth.” She huffed indignantly at that comment but did little to remove herself from his arms. 

She shuffled her feet from side to side, lips twisting trying to find the words to phrase what she really wanted to say. She hesitated before blurting out, “Would you have kissed me, then? If I told you the truth?”

“When?”

“When I said I only wanted to be friends because you were dating Akane,” He paused, mulling over those words. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure. He’d been somewhat relieved that she had lied rather than reveal her actual feelings. He might have snapped much sooner -- might’ve thrown her down onto the Strawberry Productions’ couch and had his way then and there. It was difficult to hold back feelings that had been building for so long. No, he would’ve done far more than kiss her.

Just as he would do tonight – unless she protested.

He wished she would.

“Yes,” he affirmed, feeling her tense in his arms, perhaps from excitement. He brushed his lips along the side of her neck now. Luckily, she hadn’t worn a high collar today, allowing him easier access. “Probably more than that.”

Kana licked her lips, “Like what?”

He raised an eyebrow. Not so shy, then. “How about I show you?” Aqua asked, hoping she’d say no. That she’d come to her senses and flee, then perhaps they could both laugh this entire thing off as heightened emotions. She grew silent, considering his offer. “Alright,” she said – because Kana was reckless. Kana didn’t heed warnings or understand that he was poison.

And he was far too weak to struggle against her. 

Foolish, foolish girl. 

“Then, let’s go to my room,” he whispered against the shell of her ear. “As much as I’d like to continue this here – my sister or Miyako could walk in,” His stand-in mother had gone to accompany Ruby on set as she filmed several episodes of Dig Deep! and while Miyako had assured him that they would be staying out for the rest of the night, it wasn’t something that he wanted to risk. 

Ruby would probably actually kill him, then.

You’d deserve it.

Yeah, he would. 

The tips of Kana’s ears grew red, but she nodded. “You have to let me go first so I can walk,” she reminded him, lightly hitting his hands. She was probably right, but he had a better idea.

Aqua lifted her up, moving down and swooping her legs out from underneath her. Startled, she yelped and clung to his shoulders. She was relatively light – almost too light considering that she often cut out carbs during meals, following Ruby and Mem along with whatever fad diets they were trying at the time. “H-Hey!” She glared at him. “What are you doing?!”

“Carrying you,” he deadpanned as she balled one of her small hands into a fist and hit his chest. “What does it look like?”

“Always with the smart-ass remarks…” 

He shrugged, “You’re not that heavy. It’s not a problem.” She grew redder, folding her arms across her chest as she resigned herself to her fate. His bedroom door was already open as he walked in, and he used his foot to close it behind him. He considered locking it as well, but he didn’t want to release her just yet. 

She looked around his room, eyes drawn to every part of it. He had never thought much about the way that his room was decorated. There were a few posters up of his favorite movies or series that caught his eye. There were even some medical posters that he had framed which he could see Kana was clearly baffled by. Aside from that, there wasn’t much in way of decor. There was no need for it, anyway. There was just a bed, a desk with an office chair, and a nightstand. 

 He was grateful he had long since removed Ai’s poster from the wall back when he was still dating Akane. That would be somewhat difficult to explain, and the idea of fucking a girl with that poster hanging from the wall was more than a little unsettling for reasons that he didn’t wish to process. 

“This is so like you,” Kana said after a moment, giving a small laugh. “Everything in here is super practical. At least you have some posters up, even if some of them are weird as hell. This room screams old man.”

She didn’t know how right she was on that account.

Instead of dignifying that comment with a response, he dropped her onto his bed. She squealed out a “Hey!” before he pinned her down, grabbing her wrists and pressing down. Her cheeks exploded in color, a pretty shade of red that he could see even in the dim lighting of his room. Carefully, he released one of her hands to reach over to the nightstand beside his bed, turning on the lamp that sat on top of it. Kana grew redder if that were possible. 

“Can’t we keep the light off?”

“Why?”

“It’s embarrassing!” She wriggled beneath him. “Y-You’re going to see everything?”

“...Isn’t that the point?” 

Kana grabbed one of his pillows, hitting him in the face with it. “You know what I mean!”

He did, but he couldn’t help but think that she was being silly about it. He snatched the pillow from her, flinging it off of the bed. “Why are you worried?” He asked, letting the tips of his fingers brush along the hem of where her dress fell, right above her thighs. Kana tensed, watching his hand as he used his index finger to draw a circle into the skin. “You have a beautiful body.” Those words come easily. They weren’t lies. He really did think that, though he wouldn’t admit just how many times he had thought about peeling away the outer layer of her clothing, revealing the skin beneath.

She worried her bottom lip in between her teeth before forcing a laugh, “How would you know? You haven’t even seen it.”

“Then, let me see,” he pushed her dress up higher, up over her hips and revealing her panties. She had on a cute white pair, adorned with pink lacey flowers, but she was quick to force her dress back down over it, her face a burning red. “Hey! Can’t you at least ask, first?”

“Can I take off your dress?” He asked with no hesitation, and she grew even redder if that were even possible. She now matched the color of her hair. It was almost impressive. The red hue colored more than just her face, he could even see it along her neck, disappearing into where her shirt began. “You’re really something else,” she muttered, her body growing tense. Perhaps, from nerves. 

That wouldn’t do. 

He leaned down, balancing his weight on his forearms as he kissed her again. It was slower this time, more gentle as his tongue massaged over her lips. His hand comes to rest on her cheek, thumb rubbing over her soft skin. He could feel her relax, as she lifted her arms before tentatively coming to rest them on his shoulders. 

This time, she surprised him as her teeth sink down into his bottom lip. Such a simple action, and yet it left a dull ache forming in his groin. His hand moved lower, resting on her knee before parting her thighs. She didn’t resist, letting him settle himself in between her parted thighs. Their hips pressed flush against each other and he heard her gasp softly against his mouth and rut against her, searching for a relief that only she could offer. Since going through puberty again, he was no stranger to constant arousal. His body was that of a teenage boy, after all, but the need that gathers in the pit of his stomach was intense.  

“Arima,” he breathed her name. “Can I take your dress off?” He repeated and he felt her shiver beneath him. Her hips bucked, hands squeezing at his shoulders. “Okay,” she said this time.

He brushed his fingertips along her thighs, pulling the dress up over her hips. Kana lifted herself, allowing him to take the entire dress off, leaving her in her shirt and her panties. She had opted not to wear tights today, something that he had mixed feelings about. He’d be lying if he said that never thought about ripping the tights that she often wore off of her. That little fantasy had often been the star of several dreams, but there was nothing like touching her soft skin directly.

The flush that she wore did seem to cover her chest, disappearing into her shirt. Aqua ran his hand up along her abdomen, beneath her shirt as he moved to grasp her breast over her bra. It was a thin bra, with no padding and he could feel her nipple stiffening beneath the fabric. 

Kana squirmed impatiently beneath him. “Hey,” she said, interrupting him.

“What?”

“It’s not fair that I’m the only one here that’s practically naked,” she said seriously.

There was that boldness again. She seemed to flip between bashfulness and saying whatever popped into her head. “You think?”

“Yeah, so strip!” She demanded, fingers hooking underneath the hem of his shirt and tugging upward. He suppressed a snort of amusement as he lifted his arms to assist her. She threw his shirt god knew where in his room before taking a moment to stare at his bare chest. Her eyes traced over his skin, staring shamelessly. That went on for a full minute before he cleared his throat. “A picture will last longer,” he remarked.

“Oh, shut up,” she muttered spitefully. “You’re the one who wants the light on. That means I can look too, right?” 

“Never said that you couldn’t,” Aqua said, lashes brushing against his cheeks as he lowered his gaze. He hadn’t exposed nearly enough of her pale skin – supple looking and smooth, just begging to be touched. He couldn’t help but wonder what that skin would look like covered in his bites. “Feel free to look as much as you like.” 

Kana swallowed, somewhat anxiously. “F-Fine,” she said, reaching out to touch his chest. She clearly wanted to do much more than look, which was fine with him. Her touch was experimental, just her fingers grazing along the skin of his pectoral muscles. He worked out consistently, and while he didn’t have Pieyon’s physique, he thought that he was toned enough to be appealing. Kana seemed to think so as her lips parted, brushing the pads of her fingers further down his to his abdomen.

He flinched and she stopped abruptly. “Sorry. Did that hurt?”

Aqua chucked. How cute. “No. Just ticklish. You’d have to do a lot more than that to hurt me.” He grabbed her wrist, placing it somewhat lower, right below his navel as she inhaled sharply. He made her press her palm flat against his skin. “You can touch more firmly. Like this.” 

Her lips parted, “Okay,” Kana breathed as her touches grew more sure. She ran her palm up along his chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples. “Do boys like this kind of thing too?” 

“It depends, we’re usually not as sensitive there,” he said, but he had to admit that it did feel nice when she did it. “Some men are.”

“Are you?”

Aqua paused – she was looking up at him so curiously that he couldn’t help but indulge. “A bit,” he admitted. “Most guys will only want you to touch one place, though.”

Kana laughed, this time more genuinely. “Oh, I’m sure,” her head tilted, an impish look shining in her crimson eyes. “Do you want me to touch you there too, Aqua?” When she looked at him like that some part of him wanted to let her, while another, darker part of him wanted to make her regret trying to tease him like that. Leave her utterly speechless. Arima was a chatty one, so it would be difficult but he was more than up for the challenge.

“Not yet,” was all he said, however.

She gave him a bemused look as he did away with her shirt. She was more at ease now, allowing him to undress her as she was spread out beneath him. She really was beautiful – her body was slender, but her curves were pronounced despite that. He ran his hands along her sides before palming the swell of her hips, squeezing them appreciatively.  “W-Why not?” She asked, looking directly at the tent in his jeans, “Looks like you want to be touched there.”

He grasped her hips, tugging her closer to him as he buried his face into the swell of her breasts. She made a soft sound, something between a squeak and a moan. He wasn’t surprised that she was still so expressive, even now. He wondered what other sounds he could manage to wring from her.

“I’d rather touch you.”  

He was rewarded with an even deeper flush as he pushed her bra up over her breasts. They were small, but fit nicely in his hands as he squeezed them before flicking her nipple with his tongue. She jumped in her arms, as though his tongue was like an electrical wire touching her bare skin. Her back arched like she was trying to press herself harder against his mouth. “A-Ah,” she whimpered, her voice like music to his ears. 

“Seems like you’re the sensitive one,” he teased, as her eyes narrowed. She looked like she was about to say something biting, but whatever it was only came out as a garbled moan as he moved to take her nipple into his mouth, using his free hand to roll the other stiffened nub in between the tips of his fingers. Her hips stuttered, jumping and moving against his and he pressed back eagerly. “Aqua,” she whined. “Please…” 

God. His own name had never sounded so good.

He slid his hand down, along her belly, and then down between her thighs. She was wet. That wasn’t much of a surprise, but he was taken aback by just how utterly soaked she was for him. It was ridiculous — how affected she was by him. The crotch of her underwear was all but ruined, and he could feel the slickness running down along her inner thighs. 

He used his thumb to brush over her clit through her underwear and her reaction was immediate. She cried out, hips rutting against him as her eyes squeezed shut. Her body twisted beneath him. All that from a single touch. 

She was so good for him.

Scorching heat boiled beneath his skin as Aqua repeated the motion, pressing down more firmly only the swollen bundle of nerves. Her thighs close around his hands and he has to use his other hand to hold them open as he touched her harder and more deliberately. It felt like she only grew wetter for him until he couldn’t stand it as he shoved the crotch of her underwear aside in order to touch her directly. 

Would she be this wet for someone else?

The very idea of that makes something vile swirl in his chest, acrid and biting. It was like venom in his veins. No. She’d only be like this for him.

It was the reason she was here now, wasn’t it? The reason she had never run – the reason she had always come back. Kana cared too much for her own good and he was a greedy, awful man who took just because he was too weak not to. “W-Wait,” he heard her whimper, her small hand wrapping weakly around his wrist. 

“Do you really want me to?” He found himself asking. His cock ached, but he did nothing to offer himself relief as he drew circles around her clit with the pad of his thumb. He withdrew only for a moment in order to swipe his tongue along that skin, tasting the headiness of her arousal. The taste of her sex was sweet, like honeyed sin that just begged to be swallowed rapaciously. Kana watched him, transfixed before whining, embarrassed.

“Y-You--”

“You’re not often left speechless,” he said mischievously. She hit his arm in retaliation. “And you’re not normally so talkative,” she muttered snidely

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t!” Kana said abruptly, cheeks burning hot. “I don’t want you to stop – but – j-just give me a second.” 

He wasn’t sure if he could wait that long, truth be told. Even while ignoring his own arousal, it churned deep in his belly, making his stomach feel hot and tense – his cock unbearably stiff in his jeans. Of all of the days to not wear sweatpants, he had picked today. “Why did you want to stop?”

She muttered something that he couldn’t quite hear.

“What was that?”

“It’s just started to feel kind of overwhelming,” Kana admitted, averting her eyes from his. She chewed on her bottom lip. “Like I was losing myself there for a second.”

“Is that a bad thing?” 

“What?” 

His question made her grow quiet, and he leaned down, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear. “I want you to lose yourself,” he continued softly, his words a secret promise. “I want you to think of only me when we’re like this.” That wasn’t a lie. Just seeing her like this was enough to make him crave even more. More of her taste, her flushed skin, and the lovely sounds that he was able to coax from those pink lips.

He licked his middle and ring finger as his hand returned between her legs, and this time she doesn’t stop him, watching him with rapt attention as he runs his knuckles along her slick folds, flicking up and down twice as he coated his fingers in her wetness. Then, he found her opening, before pushing his middle finger inside of her.

Kana hissed in response – thighs trembling as her inner walls tighten around his finger. It was tight. He would need to stretch her out much more if he wanted to get inside of her. And he did – just feeling that wet heat around his finger was enough to make his chest constrict, breathless from the force of that desire. She’d be much tighter and hotter around his cock, wouldn’t she? What an awful, horrid thought to have – but rationality had been thrown away long ago. 

Right now – he just wanted. 

Would it be so wrong to take something for himself? To lose himself within her, if only for one night? It would change nothing. He knew that.

He knew.

And yet –

Kana was dangerous, wasn’t she? Just being with her was enough to make him want things that he had no right to have – things that he could never have, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself, either. Her flesh called to him like the beguiling siren’s song. He added another finger inside of her, and it was an even tighter fit as curled his fingers forward. His palm pressed forward until it pushed right against her clit. He heard her inhale sharply as his fingertips push firmly against her inner walls, towards her pubic bone from within. Her thighs spasmed, squeezing tightly around his hand again. Good, he’d found it.

He smiled, “Is that the spot?”

Kana panted, unable to keep still as he pushed his fingers in and out, letting them drag across that spot with each withdrawal as her eyes grew wide and unfocused. “I – I – T-That’s–”

“That’s what? I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

“J-Jerk,” she managed to get out before he twisted his fingers within her, stretching them with each plunge until the wet, squelching sounds of her body filled the room. If she had been soaking before, she was all but dripping now. His fingers were drenched, and there was some even dribbling down his wrist. 

She twisted on the bed, her hips jumping, almost as though she were trying to move away from him, but he used his other hand to hold her in place — making her take everything that he was giving to her. Her lips part into a silent cry, hands twisting into the sheets of his bed. That just wouldn’t do. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” he remarked, surprised. It seemed like she was doing everything in her power to keep herself from making noise – even as her skin flushed a deep red from the effort. “Why?”

“W-What if R-Ruby or M-Miyako-san--”

“They won’t be home until tomorrow,” he informed her, working his fingers even harder as he met her gaze. “You can be as loud as you want. Put the vulgar mouth to good use. Weren’t you the one who stressed the importance of communication?”

She made a sound that was a mixture of a giggle and a moan as her legs kicked out before squeezing hard, effectively trapping his hand. “Y-You’re such a–,” She was cut off as his fingers moved quickly, and this time when she moaned, she didn’t hold back her sounds of pleasure – raspy moans and soft giggles that leave his cock almost throbbing in pain. 

“Such a what?”

Kana couldn’t quite answer him at that moment, not that he expected her to. He kissed her mouth, then her throat, and then in between her breasts all while his fingers worked her into a frenzy. She was close. He could tell that much from the way that she writhed on his sheets. Unable to resist, he pushed her thighs back, opening them wide as he kissed lower and lower until his tongue was able to tease at her clit. He heard her make a loud and almost scandalized sound. There was a panicked, “What are you doing?!—” that quickly turned into a whimper as her hips bucked toward his mouth despite herself. Was she nervous about him eating her out? Possibly, but he wouldn’t allow her to worry about something so silly. 

He wouldn’t let her think of anything that wasn’t him. 

He sucked at her clit, swirling his tongue around it in time with his deft fingers. Her taste was intoxicating – sweeter than the ripest of fruits. She grew wetter by the second and he was all too eager to lap up all of it, like her arousal was the most exquisite of ambrosias. His hips grind down against his mattress as he worked, the ache there too much to bear. 

A little more –

When he felt that she was able to take it, he added his index finger.  With three fingers inside of her, it was incredibly tight – the way that her inner muscles clenched hard around his fingers; like she didn’t want to let him go. Kana grabbed his hair – twisting the locks around her fingers as she arched against him. “T-That’s so g-good,” she whined.  

“Yeah?” He drew back to ask before diving back in. He couldn’t get enough of her. He felt like an addict, partaking in something forbidden but oh-so-tempting. Something that set his skin ablaze with each indulgence. She pulled into the abyss without even trying – and he was all too eager to descend. Deep down, a part of him knew that he was ruining her – knew this truly was the point of no return, but it was impossible to stop. He played with her body as he would an instrument, tugging at the strings of her until she was all but putty beneath his practiced hands. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes!”

She wailed something unintelligible, but it almost sounded like his name – her head turning from side to side. It didn't take long after that until he could feel her inner muscles spasming; until she was all but shrieking as she came all over his fingers. 

He moved his mouth down, removing his fingers as he sealed his mouth over her cunt to swallow it all down greedily. Her hips would have lifted off of the bed had he not been holding them down. Satisfaction curled in his belly at the sight of what he had reduced her to. He lapped at her, sucking at the over-sensitive flesh until she was trying to push him away.

"T-Too much," she rasped, and was only then that he drew away, eyes hooded and intoxicated. There was a part of him that wanted to dive back in, wanted to make her come again and again until she could say or think nothing but his name, but he resisted. 

It was still her first time, after all. 

She trembled, all but spent on the bed beneath him as she struggled to catch her breath. 

He could feel her juices coating his lips and his chin but he didn’t mind. He licked his lips clean. She looked like a mess right now – her normally well-kept hair was mussed and out of place, her sweat-soaked bangs sticking to her forehead, skin flushed a deep pink. Seeing her in this state was only for him. 

“Where the hell did you learn that ?” Kana asked when she could finally speak. 

His lips quirked upward, “Books.”

“Liar!” She accused, though her voice held no real malice. “You really are a playboy, aren’t you? I bet you’ve been with all kinds of girls even before you dated Akane.”

It would be too complicated to explain that she was partly right. He had dated and messed around with plenty of girls in his previous life, but that had been more than a decade ago at this point – nor had it happened in his current body.  “Feel free to believe whatever you want to,” He said, kissing her quiet before she could inquire any further. 

“What about you? You went to that director’s house that one time, didn’t you? Did you sleep with him?” He knew the answer to that question already but he wanted to rile her up.

Kana glared daggers at him. “You’re going to ask me about that right now?”

“It’s only fair, isn’t it?”

She groaned in frustration, cheeks puffing out. This time, he did cup her cheeks in between his palms, his forehead pressed against hers. “I didn’t do anything with Shima-san,” she said quietly. “I couldn’t.” 

That caught his attention. “Why not?”

“I kept thinking about you the entire time,” she admitted and that information shook him far more than he had expected it to. Excitement and heat coalesced into a feverish storm that made him dizzy in its intensity. He was the reason she hadn’t gone through with it? “And I couldn’t. Ugh. It sounds silly saying it out loud now.” 

“That’s good,” he found himself saying. Kana blinked, clearly confused by his words until he dragged her hips forward. She yelped in surprise, and he really loved all of the sounds that she made. She was incredibly expressive – from the flustered pout at her lips to the fire that shined within her eyes. “So, I’m the only one who’s ever seen you like this?” He asked. He liked that. As though this sight was for him and him alone.

How terrible.

Kana wiggled in his arms, “Don’t get a big head about it,” she retorted hotly, hiding her embarrassment. Everything about her was adorable – even the way that she denied and deflected what was obviously true. “It doesn’t seem fair, though.”

“How so?”

“Has Kurokawa Akane seen you like this, too?” There was that nasty personality again. Such an inappropriate thing to ask when in bed with someone – but also so Kana. He couldn’t exactly fault her for it, either. He had asked about her past experience, as well, hadn’t he?  How should he respond? 

“A few times,” he admitted honestly. They had dated for nearly a year, after all. Akane had been the one to initiate, and he had no real reason to turn her down. There had been some level of care and attraction between them, even if it wasn’t love. 

She looked annoyed at that, “Was she your first?” 

“No,” he said, because that answer was what was closest to the truth. First in this body, but not his first time. That honor had been taken by another fumbling teenager in his youth as Gorou. That seemed to please Kana, however, as her hands twitch before she reached for the loop of the belt on his jeans. She undid it quickly, also undoing the button to his jeans before pushing them down around his hips. He helped her, tossing his jeans off of the bed once she managed to get them off of him. His cock strained against his boxers, hard and leaking so much that there was a wet mark on his boxers. It was a little embarrassing

Kana stared for a moment before voicing a promise. “Then, I’ll be the best you’ve ever had.”

Aqua blinked, “That’s a bold statement to make,” he said, head tilting as he looked down at her. Her face was determined, like she hadn’t just said something ridiculous. She smirked in response, “I thought we’ve established that I don’t like to lose? To anyone. Whether that be to Akane or any other girls that you’ve been with,” there was that false bravado again, however, she sounded very sure of herself. 

“You were trembling earlier,” he pointed out, “You needed me to stop.”

“I’m a little nervous, but I’m a quick learner,” Kana responded quickly, before sitting up. Her legs are a little wobbly, but she pushed on his chest, clearly wanting him to lay back. Curiously, he did and she moved over her, resting her knees on the sides of his hips as she straddled him. She reached down between them, grasping his cock over his boxers. His breath hitched and she stopped for a moment, checking his expression to see if she had hurt him. “It’s fine,” he said. “You can keep going.” 

Kana nodded, slipping her hands beneath the band of his boxers. He helped her slide them down his hips, allowing his cock to spring free from its confines. She stared down at it before her eyes dart back up to his. “Can you show me how you like to be touched?” She asked, and he felt his throat go dry. 

Of course, he could. 

“Sure,” he said thickly, lightly taking her hand and placing it around the base of his cock. He squeezed his hand around hers in order to show her the proper grip. “You don’t have to worry about grabbing too hard. I prefer a stronger grip,” he explained, voice soft as he guided her hand up and down along his shaft. It was wet at the tip, dripping with pre-cum that coated his cock with each pump of her hand. 

“The head is where it’s most sensitive,” he instructed, “So focus your attention there.” 

Aqua watched her, releasing her hand as she continued to stroke his cock using the same fluid and slow motions that he had taught her. She was right, he thought as he watched her through half-lidded eyes – she did learn quickly. Kana’s hands were small and soft as she slid her hand along his shaft. The sight left his stomach burning, tightening with that telltale pressure that threatened to burst far too soon if he wasn’t careful. 

She watched him closely, before taking her other hand and wrapping her fingers around the head of his cock. Her thumb brushed along the underside of his glans, teasing the skin there. His hips jerked forward, jaw clenching.

Her eyes darted up towards his. “Was that good?”

Aqua nodded. A wet sound filled the room with each movement as his skin grew slicker with each pump of her hands. It was all that he could do to keep himself from thrusting up into her hand. Then, he felt something warm and wet slide against the tip of his cock. His breath lodged in his throat as he looked down.

Kana was – licking his cock.

A groan bubbled in his throat, eyes squeezed shut as his hips flex forward. She slid her tongue along the underside of his glans. His skin felt like it had been exposed to an open flame as he watched her. “Arima--” He hissed. “You don’t have to do that–”

“Why not?” She asked, smiling coyly. She pressed her cheek against his shaft, pumping her hand lazily around it. “I’m just returning the favor,” she said as she pushed the longer ends of her bangs behind her ears before diving back in and taking the head of his cock into her mouth. The inside of her mouth was hot and wet in a way that made his toes curl. The sight alone of her pretty pink lips stretched around his cock was enough to nearly undo him – balls growing tight as she hollowed her cheeks to suck.

Aqua combed his fingers through her hair, and she made a made a pleased sound in the back of her throat that hummed against him.

Kana was slow with her movements, as though she were testing the waters as well, eyes locked on him to observe his reactions. She wanted to learn him, taking note of every hitch of his breath and flex of his hips as she worked him. She was certainly a meticulous one, using her hand to pump along the heated flesh that she couldn’t take into her mouth. “Fuck, ” he breathed, falling back to rest his weight on his elbows. 

Her tongue lashed out, sliding along one of the prominent veins along the length of him, sending thrills of sweet bliss that nearly short circuit his brain. He hadn’t felt anything even close to this in years -- a lifetime, really. It was good, the way that the heat simmered in his belly, rushing through his veins like a sweet venom, making every neuron that buzzed beneath his skin feel bright and new. 

“Arima,” he groaned her name as she took him in more deeply, pushing herself down until he could feel the back of her throat. It left his belly trembling, and he found himself hanging right on the precipice of pure bliss. He grit his teeth, forcing himself to think of something unpleasant – math equations, formulas, different facts – to keep from finishing too soon. Arima was just too good.

She drew back, his cock falling out of her mouth with a lewd pop as she looked up at him. “Call me Kana,” she encouraged, stroking his cock quickly, filling the room with a slick, wet sound as she pumped him. His hips flex, jaw clenching hard as that tight knot in his stomach rapidly began to unwind. “You never have. It kind of makes me a little mad, you know.”

She was right – he never had called her by her given name. It was a deliberate choice on his part. It was a way of putting distance between them — a way to shield himself from her light as he shied further away into the darkness, walking down a path that would only lead to his ruin. If he let her light in even for a moment, it would mean the end.

Still, none of that mattered now. 

At this moment, it was difficult to care about his purpose — he was just a man, alone with a girl who was determined to make him feel good, even if it was the worst mistake she had ever made in her life. It was endearing – It was awful. 

“Kana,” he moaned, low and indulgent. His hips rutted forward and he could hear her begin to choke as she took him in deeper, her throat slick and hot. It was so easy to thrust like this. If he wasn’t careful, he could hurt her. However, she wasn’t deterred as hearing him say her name only spurred her forward as she bobbed her head faster, all but swallowing him down her throat. It was like she liked it when he was rough – when he moaned her name and used her. His head tilted back, shivering as that heat threatened to ignite into wildfire.

“I like it when you say my name like that,” Kana murmured, running her tongue along the length of him before taking him in again. His lashes fluttered as he bit his bottom lip. There was something possessive in the way that she said that – he liked it, even if this wasn’t a tendency that he should encourage within her. He moaned her name again, and he felt her make a soft sound of appreciation around him, moving even more enthusiastically, not even caring how much of a mess she was making. Aqua’s thumb caressed her cheek gently, fingers gathering the strands of her into a makeshift ponytail as he heard her cough around him. Too much, then. And, too much for him as well. If she kept that up, he’d be finished far too soon. “W-Wait—,” he said hoarsely. He grabbed her shoulders, urging her to sit up watching as his cock slid out of her lips.

There was a thread of saliva still running her mouth to his cock. His stomach tightened. Such a lewd sight – and it was all for him. Gently, he wiped it away, brushing his thumb over her lips as he struggled to catch his breath. “Is something wrong?” She asked,  and he almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Everything was wrong – but that had nothing to do with what she had done. 

“No,” Aqua answered bluntly, “You were just too good at that. I was about to come.”

She flushed, smiling happily. Silly girl — It was like she was proud of that. “Then why did you stop me? You didn’t want to come?” 

What a loaded question. He was going to come in her mouth at the rate that she was going. Did she even know that?  

“I do – but not like that. We’d be done too soon if you finished me like that,” he responded, drawing her closer in order to kiss her lips. They were slick with saliva, but he didn’t mind. She purred against his mouth, arms looping around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss. It didn’t take long before they were both breathless again, until he lifted her up, allowing her to sit more comfortably on his lap. His hips slot neatly against her, and this time, there were no barriers between them.

He shuddered at his cock slide against the slick folds of her labia, a rush of heat boiling beneath his skin. Kana moaned as well, hips raising to meet his eagerly. “Feels good,” she slurred, kissing him messily as she chased after her pleasure. She was so wet that it would be so easy to slide inside of her and take her without warning – but it was her first time. He would need to be careful with her. 

Though, he wondered if she’d mind if he held her down and took her roughly – fucked her like she truly belonged to him. “Aqua,” she whispered urgently. “Hurry up!”

“So impatient,” he chided lightly, moving to kiss along her jawline. Her skin tasted salty with sweat, but it coated his tongue like honey. “Where’s the rush?”

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?” She asked, annoyed. She bit his lips in retaliation and he nearly growled, hands gripping her hips with bruising force to still her movements. She playfully fought against him until he flipped them back over, pinning her wrists down to the mattress. It was only then that she seemed to give up, but her expression was openly wanton — all flushed skin and parted lips as she panted. Her skin looked lovely dyed red. “I want you, Aqua.”

His breath caught in his throat, painful and throbbing.

“You mean that?” 

“I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” she said firmly. He felt her legs move to wrap around his hips, locking him in place. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. In fact…” her brow furled as she seemed to be contemplating something. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she seemed to come to a decision. Then, she pressed her palms to her cheeks, making him look at her. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, “What?”

“Shut up,” she muttered, “Before I lose my nerve.” Lose her nerve? She normally said the first thing that came to mind, but she was having trouble now? He smirked, liking the way that she floundered around her words. It was not often that Kana was reduced to quietness. He gave her lips an affectionate nip before she moved his head back, pressing her forehead to his. There was an entire sparkling galaxy within those crimson eyes. This close, he could even see a sprinkling of freckles that dusted across her cheeks. When she finally does speak, she said something that made time stand still. 

“I love you.”

If he was breathless before – he was all but devoid of oxygen now. His heart pounded, blood rushing through his head with a dizzying intensity. He hadn’t heard those words in years. Not since he had laid in Ai’s arms as the light slowly died in her arms. At that time, those words had brought him nothing but despair, had only made the gnawing rage in his heart burn that much brighter. Loving him had never brought anyone anything but death. 

Speaking those words into existence made this real. 

“That’s a bad idea,” he whispered, unsure of what else to say. His heart pounded erratically, his cheeks and head beginning to tingle with a feeling that was equal parts hysterical elation and sorrow. He wanted to throw her out, throw her out of his life before they continued to fall down into this abyss. He wanted to fuck her hard – so hard that he’d carve himself into the very fabric of her being — so hard that she’d never leave him.

He wanted her light to shine for him, and him alone.

“Even if it is, they’re my feelings,” she said, before reaching up to kiss his forehead, and then his cheeks. Such a sweet gesture shouldn’t cause his cock to twitch, needy and, desperate for her -- but it did. It was a yearning that ached. “Are you going to tell me that they’re wrong?”  

Yes.

“No,” he said, heart in his throat. His voice trembled as his eyes squeezed close. They burn. “I just think you could do so much better.” 

“Probably,” she agreed, brushing her fingers beneath his eyes. He hadn’t even realized that they had misted over with tears. She made no comment on them. “But I love you, anyway.”

He kissed her, only because he might really break down if she said that again. She was more than happy to follow his lead, melting into his kisses until he wasn’t sure where he ended or where she began. He felt her reach between them, grasping at his cock as she raised her hips. “Please,” Kana whispered. 

He couldn’t say no to her. 

Aqua’s hips thrust forward as she guided him in, slowly sinking into her. It was tight, her cunt like a vice around him. It was barely inside of her and it already felt so good. Her inner walls were hot and wet, constricting around him as he pushed in — inch by slick inch. He heard her gasp at the intrusion, nails digging into his shoulders, dragging down his back. “Oh, ” she rasped. “That’s–” 

“Does it hurt?” He asked, though he was only half way in and it felt as though he might go mad. It took every ounce of control that he had not to slam in the rest of the way and rut into her like some mindless beast. He peppered kisses along her shoulder, dipping down to nip at the swell of her breast. He had tried to prepare her, but it was still her first time and she was still so much smaller than him. Even now, he worried if she’d be able to take him. “It doesn’t, does it?”

“N-No,” she said, voice shivery. “It’s just – a lot.” 

He couldn’t help but smile against her shoulder. “A lot of what?”

She hit his chest, “J-Just keep going. I’m fine.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kana affirmed sofly. He pushed in further, watching her expression as he did. Crimson eyes locked onto his when he finally bottomed out inside of her. She didn’t look pained, but her face was scrunched up in discomfort, and that simply wouldn’t do. He reached in between them, brushing a thumb over her clit as he withdraw before slowly pushing back in. That seemed to make all of the difference as her breath hitched, back all but arching off of the bed. 

That was more like it.

“You feel so good,” he purred, voice thick with pleasure. Her inner walls are like slick velvet wrapped around him. They vibrated and clenched with each thrust that he made. She was so responsive. “So wet for me,” he continued, feeling her cunt squeeze harder as she squealed. She liked the praise, it seemed. 

He brushed over her clit again, and this time he saw her eyes roll to the back of her head. “Aqua!” She moaned his name – and that name has never sounded more beautiful than it did at that moment. 

“That’s good?” He asked though he knew that it was from the way that she trembled. Something dark and primal curled in his stomach as he thrust harder, wanting to see her come apart beneath him. It felt good, but knowing that it was him giving her such pleasure made it feel even better. She nodded against his shoulder mutely as he slammed into her, each thrust harder than the last. Her breasts bounced with the force of them, and he was unable to resist the urge to move his other hand from her wrists to them. 

He squeezed them, moving to suckle at each nipple as she released another keening moan. “So deep,” she slurred her words, and that only encouraged him. “Do you like it like that?”

“I t-think s-so,” she stuttered, eyes hazy and unfocused. “More,” she begged.

He couldn’t help but feel some pride at having reduced talkative Kana to stuttering, monosyllabic begging. He was the only one to have seen her like this — to have made her like this. “You can take it?” 

“Yes!”

Aqua could feel a ruinous wanting claw at his chest as he moved to oblige her. He took one of her legs, moving it over his shoulder allowing him to sink even deeper inside of her. This time, she all but shrieked so loud that he was a little worried that the neighbors might hear her. He only worried about that for a moment, though setting a pace that left her writhing beneath him. His back stung as her nails drug down along it, cutting into his skin. It was painful but deeply satisfying – a reminder of her rapture.

It didn’t take long until he could feel her coming again. She howled his name, shivers wracking her body as she seemed to lose all control of herself. This orgasm was far more intense than her last, leaving her boneless and bleary-eyed beneath him. It was too bad that he wasn’t anywhere near through with her. “Did you come again?” 

“Y-Yeah,” she was struggling to catch her breath as he set his hand down on her chest. He slowed down his thrusts, the wet, slick sounds of their fucking filling the room. He leaned down, taking her earlobe into his mouth. He was almost as delirious as she was — but he needed so much more. “Good girl,” he whispered, relishing in how she shuddered at those words. “Can you do it again for me?”

Kana trembled, “I – I don’t – think – sensitive – ah – ! ” she tried to convey, but her words dissolve into panting moans as he thrust harder and faster. His tongue dipped into the shell of her ear.

Now that he had a taste, he might never get enough.

How terrifying – the hold she had over him.

“You can,” he encouraged, deliberately hilting within her. He ground his pelvis against her clit while inside and she cried out sharply, her hips raising up off of the bed. He gripped them, holding her in place – making her take every inch of him until she was all but clawing at the blankets beneath her, desperate for some kind of respite.

It wasn’t until he brought her to the brink again, watching as the tears flowed down her cheeks from the intensity of what she was feeling that he was satisfied. “Aqua, Aqua — Aqua —” She chanted his name in a symphony that was just for him.

He was close, he could feel it in the way that his chest tightened, in the way that stars blasted into orbit before his eyes each time his hips met hers. His balls feel hot and heavy as his thrusts become less coordinated and sloppy. She whispered against his ear, her words jumbling out as broken moans. 

More, Please, Don’t stop –

He wouldn’t. 

“–I love you, Aqua – ” He heard her say again and that was enough to shatter him. There was an entire universe that came to life and died within him, exploding into a blast of stardust that left him dizzy. He groaned loudly as he pulled out of her, stroking his cock roughly as thick ropes of his cum shoots out onto her belly and inner thighs. 

He collapsed on top of her once he was done, struggling to catch his breath. He felt her loosely move her arms around him. For a moment, it was as though his thoughts had all but ceased. There was only the sound of soft breaths, and the feeling of her chest rising and falling. Her heart hammered before slowly beginning to calm down. “You should stop saying that,” he scolded her gently. There was no force to his words, however. He was too tired for that.

“Why? It’s true,” Kana yawned as she snuggled up closer to him, as though saying that was now the easiest thing in the world to her. A part of him hated her for that – but there was a larger part of him that felt nothing but affection. She was so honest, it was ridiculous. “You’re heavy,” she informed him. 

He sat up, lying down beside her and she was quick to cuddle close, like she didn’t want to be apart from him for even a moment. He wanted to chastise her for that, but his orgasm left him feeling only a blissful haze.

Right now – his revenge seemed so far away. Kana always made it easy to forget, if only for a little while. She was infuriating in that way, in how she demanded all of his attention and focus when there were other things that he needed to be doing. Even when he was with Akane, she had never been far from his mind.

He chuckled darkly. What a mistake this was. 

He wasn’t allowed to dwell on that for too long before Kana drew his lips to hers, kissing him with a sweetness that chased away those dark thoughts. When she pulled back, her eyes were soft, glittering beneath the warm glow of the nearby lamp. He brushed the bangs out of her eyes and she giggled, euphoric and giddy. The sight of her like this left him struck, as it often did.

Even the darkness of his room wasn't enough to dim her light, and he was helplessly drawn to it, as he always was. 

“So,” she said then, grinning and cutting through his thoughts, “Was I better?”

Aqua blinked sleepily. “What are you talking about?

“Was I better than Akane?” She repeated, and this time he hit her in the face with a pillow, leaving her sputtering. Awful, terrible girl. Was this her idea of pillow talk?

 “Hey!” She protests, only for him to hit her again with the pillow. This time, she retaliates, taking another pillow to hit him as she laughed, the apples of her cheeks growing a deep pink from the exertion. “I made a promise! I needed to follow through.”

“You said you’d be the best I ever had, not that you’d be comparing yourself to Akane,” he reminded her.

Kana pouted petulantly at him, “You didn’t answer that either. ” 

He paused for a moment, giving the illusion of being in deep thought before responding. “I shouldn’t give you high marks right away,” he said, “Not when it’s only been the first time. Ask me again later.” 

She stared at him, her face slowly lighting up. She smiled at him and it was as vibrant as the sun. “So, there'll be a next time?”

Instead of answering her, he kissed her.

This wasn’t something that he should be indulging in – he knew that – but he would take this small respite for as long as he could. He couldn’t let himself love her. Not the way that she truly wanted – there was only one place where his path would lead, and that was to ruin. 

 But for her sake, he could pretend, at least for a little while. 

----