Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

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“I’m not acting to make people happy. I’m doing it for myself. If you feel something from my acting, that’s your prerogative. I don’t love anyone… and if someone loves me, I won’t give them anything in return. You should only love me if you’re fine with that. Take it however you want.”  

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“Aqua,” Kana laughed brightly as something caught her eyes beyond the sliding doors leading to his balcony. “Look!” She said as she opened the doors, pointing up towards the sky. “Wow! You can really see the stars tonight, huh?” 

He followed her out, eyes drawn in the direction of where she pointed. 

The stars are sparkling.

Nights like this don't come often in Tokyo. They had been numerous back in Miyazaki, back when he was still Gorou Anamiya. He’d stand beneath those stars countless times. When he was still that doctor from that small town, his grandmother had taught him the names of all of the different constellations. There was Orion, Ursa Major, Minor, Lyra, Draco, and many others that lingered at the frayed edges of his mind. And amongst those twinkling constellations, she had told him that was where his mother rested, scattered like stardust. 

Not Ai.

Gorou’s mother. The one which he never knew. 

Though, that life felt far away now. He didn’t know where the old him ended and the new him – Aquamarine Hoshino, began. 

Perhaps, there was no longer a difference. 

If there was, he could scarcely remember it. His old life was more like a distant dream; his memories, flashes of moments frozen in time that felt vaguely familiar but alien. It was like viewing an image through a plastic film. And yet – memories from that life only spurred him on in his current goal of revenge. Memories of Ai from then collided together like asteroids burning to ash along a star’s hot surface with the scarce few memories that he could recall from his childhood, molding into something altogether different, something brighter. 

That light couldn’t be further from him now, as distant as Ai’s memory. 

Those memories that he’d cherished had twisted into something darker. A calling that could not be denied or ignored. It sits with him, gnawing at his thoughts like a vicious, snarling beast.

You don’t deserve happiness. Not when her happiness was snatched away. 

That thought haunted him throughout his years as Aqua Hoshino. It still haunted him. How could it not, when he had done nothing as the life drained from Ai in front of his very eyes? Even now, he didn’t know how long he had sat on the floor listening to Ruby’s sobs, covered in Ai’s cooling blood. It cooled on his skin as she grew colder, as her body grew stiff. They’d had to pry him from her very arms once the rigor mortis had set in.

And like that – the sky had become empty and barren, the stars dying with Ai. 

Like Gorou’s grandmother, Ai had shown him the stars too once as a child. On a night much like this. 

They were so bright tonight. 

Much like that night – he was not alone either, though the atmosphere couldn’t be more different. Kana Arima was here with him now, staring up at the night sky. There was a slight reflection in her eyes, as the moonlight made them glitter, not like stars but something else entirely. It was that look that she sometimes gets when she had thrown herself entirely into a role. When those eyes drew you in, demanding attention. That commanding presence. It was a little like Ai.

But different.

Warmer, maybe? 

Aqua wondered what she thought of when she sees the stars. Does she know the names of the constellations? Did she also sometimes look up at them and long for things that would forever be nothing but lights in the distance? Or were they simply pretty things, out of reach but beautiful as they had been to Ai? 

She’d popped up randomly at his house. She’d been doing that more often since they had made up all those months ago. Knocking on his door, barging in, drawing his gaze in a way that was difficult to turn away from – even with his goal in mind. Insisting that he have fun, of all things. She had always been tempting in that way; her very presence offering all of the things that he couldn’t allow himself to have. 

Laughter. Happiness. A future.

All of the things that he had long since thrown away. 

“Hey,” Kana said, tilting her head toward his direction. “Do you know the names of any of the constellations?” 

That question makes him blink, not quite expecting her to ask that. “Why do you think I would know that?”

“You’re a walking encyclopedia,” she shot back, grinning. “You knew all kinds of things about pandas, after all. I didn’t even know half of all that and I read all of the time.”

It’s easy to fall into this kind of banter with her, however, thinking about those stars makes something in his chest twist hard, as if someone had reached right in, locking cold fingers around his heart. Still, he found himself answering as he walked forward, taking one of the hands that he had stuffed into his pocket and lifting it toward the sky. “Do you see that one right there?” He asked, pointing towards the northern part of the sky. “If you squint it looks a little bit like a bear. It’s called Ursa Major .”

Kana’s eyes narrowed. “How does that look like a bear?”

“It’s not totally exact,” he chided, “But look – there’s the point of its nose, right there,” he said, finger pointing towards it before dragging towards where it ended, “And there is its tail. It’s also known as the Great Bear,” the words came easily, even if the memories of Gorou’s grandmother are hazy, growing more and more distant each year that passes. “Would you like to hear a story about it?”

Kana’s hand cupped her chin, looking at him rather than the stars. “Sure. Tell me a story.”

“Once upon a time,” Aqua began, falling into the tale easily, “Hera, the wife of Zeus learned that her husband had sired a son on another woman. Her name was Callisto, and she was apparently very beautiful. Beautiful enough to raise the ire of the Queen of all the gods. She took Callisto and twisted her from a human into a great and hulking bear. When Zeus realized what she had done, he threw Callisto into the sky in order to save her life. Like this, she’d live eternally,” he recounted the story as Gorou’s grandmother had told it to him all those years ago.

Kana’s lips parted, surprised. “That’s actually really sad,” her cheeks filled with air, sort of like a chipmunk. It was adorable, but he didn’t let himself dwell on that. “I didn’t think you’d tell a sad story!”

“You didn’t specify the kind of story you wanted to hear,” he rebutted. 

Lightly, she poked his shoulder, “Assume that I like happy things,” she said with a roll of her eyes. Then, she pointed in the direction of Orion . She squinted, tracing the outline of the constellation with her finger. “What’s that one called?”

“Orion .”

“Are there any happy stories about Orion? ”

He pursed his lips, thinking. “Nope.”

“That’s lame,” Kana said with a loud and obnoxious sigh. “Such pretty stars should inspire happiness, shouldn’t they?” 

He thought Ai would think similarly. She liked pretty things and happy stories, too, from what he remembered. Though, beauty didn’t always bring joy. There was a bittersweetness that came with witnessing a star’s bright light. Even if one was captivated by its glow, those twinkling stars would always remain out of reach. One could only long for them.

Those same stars that they currently saw might not even still exist.

“If you say so,” he said with a shrug. There was a lull of quiet between them and he could feel Kana looking at him. Her brow creased like she was racking her brain for something to say. Her nose was wrinkled, and she drummed her fingers along the balcony's railing. A peal of air billowed through the balcony, blowing through their hair. 

Kana broke the silence first. 

“I didn’t just come by today to talk about stars,” she admitted. This caught his attention. Normally she popped by or called him out whenever the urge struck her. She’d always been a talkative one, rattling off about whatever happened to come into her head. She was direct and foul-mouthed, not at all the careful or contemplative type. He was surprised she hadn’t come right out and said what she wanted to say, whatever it was.

“No?”

“No,” Kana turned back towards the sky. She rested her cheek on her forearms as she leaned against the railing in a way that was reminiscent of the nights leading up to  B-Komachi’s first concert. He’d spent a lot of time talking to Kana back then from behind that stuffy bird mask. Their relationship had been simpler then. Easier to define. In hindsight, it was silly of him to go through so much effort to speak to her but her cold shoulder had been harder to handle than he would’ve thought. 

It was difficult when the sun turned its back on you. It was even harder to ignore those warm rays – to bask in darkness rather than light. Though, that was the path that he’s chosen for himself. There wasn’t any point in belaboring it now. 

He almost chuckled. He had been so naive. 

“I actually wanted to ask you about your interview. The one that aired the other day.”  

There was an air of forced nonchalance in her approach. Despite being such a talented actress, Kana was a terrible liar. Her tells were obvious – from the way that her hands twitched anxiously, to the tightness of her smile, like her lips had been stretched too far. She clasped her hands together. 

“It was kind of hard to watch,” She said, “I don’t think I’m the only one who feels that way, either. You don’t really think that stuff, do you?”

Aqua’s lips twisted upward, bitterly amused. He had answered the reporter’s questions as honestly as he could without giving too much away. With the impending release of his film, he was sure that his father was more than aware of his plans by this point. His words had been a declaration of war of sorts. It was the first time he had spoken so candidly with the press, revealing some of the darkness that dwelt beneath the carefully crafted mask of the actor, Aqua Hoshino. 

Perhaps, Kana didn’t like that glimpse into who he really was. 

Perhaps, it had scared her. 

“What do you mean?” He asked softly. He leaned back against the wall beside the balcony’s sliding glass doors.

“I mean,” she scowled in barely contained frustration as she turned on her heel to face him. He knew she hated it when he was evasive, but that did little to stop him.  “Do you really think that you’re not capable of love?” She gestured towards him, features drawn into a hard glare. She always wore her emotions so clearly on her face. There were never any lies with Kana. She was far too straightforward for all of that.

Kana wasn’t one for playing games.

She was naive like that. Despite being in the entertainment business for so long, it was impossible for her to mask her true thoughts and emotions. In an industry that favored pretty lies and spectacle, Kana was sharp-tongued and bullheaded. Aqua didn’t dislike those things about her, in fact, it was quite the opposite. He only wished that she would wise up soon. Things would be difficult for her if she didn’t.

Like now.

She was looking at him expecting an answer, another glimpse into the innocence she still possessed despite the hardships she had endured.

There were many things that he could say. He could tell her, “Of course, I don’t mean that. I just seem more mysterious on camera when I say things like that.” 

Or.

“My acting must be really good if you fell for that, Arima.

Ai would answer that way. But, he was not Ai. He was Aqua. Or Gorou. Or perhaps he was someone else entirely. 

“I said that because it’s true. I’m not,” was all he said. Kana’s frown deepened. She didn’t understand. That was fine. She shouldn’t ever need to understand that kind of thing. Something was dead inside of him. Something was broken that could not be fixed. Irreparable. 

She looked like she wanted to protest. He could see that urge within her as it shone clearly in those large doll-like crimson eyes. She’d help him if he let her. She’d shine for him – and only him if he asked her to. He had noticed it before, of course. Not right away. At first, he had simply appreciated her bluntness. Her bad attitude was refreshing and different from what he was used to. He didn’t have to pretend with Arima, able to reveal parts of himself that had long since been buried with Ai’s death. Ai had often said that idols performed under the illusion of lies, but there was none of that with Kana. 

She meant everything that she said. 

That was why people would always exploit her.

It was both a shame and a blessing that she was still so innocent. Her talent was truly all-encompassing. Even he couldn’t help but be a little star-struck by her; she was amazingly talented, after all, and talent had always drawn him in like a moth to a flame.

He could be happy with her, he let himself. He knew that well. 

As if you deserve to be happy. 

Right. He didn’t deserve a single thing. 

Kana was normally so chatty – she could easily fill any silence as she spoke about all kinds of topics, but his answer stumped her. She must not have expected that. He could almost picture her watching his interview, jaw slacked and brow furling as she tried to understand why he would say something like that.

She didn’t understand that love meant nothing to a dead man walking.

“We… spoke about this before, haven’t we?” Kana asked, her eyebrows knitting together with worry. “At the Brazilian BBQ restaurant. You said before that you shouldn’t love anyone. But that you’d changed your mind,” she sounded hopeful that she’s found this memory. Then, she made a face, like she had just tasted something sour. “You started dating Akane Kurosawa after that, right?” She never did like bringing up his past relationship with Akane unprompted; she must be serious about this if she had done that.

“What’s your point?” 

“My point,” Kana clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “– Is that if you’ve dated someone before that has to mean that you don’t think love is completely impossible, right?”

His lips twitched as he held back a smile that wouldn’t reach his eyes.

“Wrong.”

He could see her confusion. She made a stuttering sound before she caught herself, eyes brimming with emotion. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but couldn’t quite find the words. 

Kana then forced a laugh, “Did Akane do that much of a number on you? She must’ve been the one to break up with you or something. Don’t you know there are other fish in the sea? You don’t need to give up because of one bad experience.”

He was sure it must look that way from an outsider looking in. Or perhaps that was how she rationalizes his words and actions. That his swearing-off love must come from heartbreak. It did – but not the heartbreak of losing Akane. There was fondness there, but not love even if he had pretended for a little while. He’d played the role of the dutiful boyfriend perfectly. He’d even tried to keep Kana safe and far away from him. For even though he could recognize his attraction to the red-haired girl, he also knew that idols with boyfriends sometimes ended up dead. 

Staying away was the responsible thing to do. The moral thing. Akane was a convenient place to put emotions that he otherwise couldn’t release. He used her to forget about Kana – and she used him not to feel alone, at least until neither of them could continue painting that elaborate tapestry of lies.

“It’s not what you think,” Aqua said as he crossed his arms. “If anything, dating Akane only showed me that it was pointless to even attempt to find anything more.

“That’s not true!” Kana blurted out. She took a step toward him, her hand resting on her chest, like hearing him say those things hurt her heart. For all he knew, it probably did. “People are meant to be loved – and to love. We can’t make it alone, you know?”

“Are you saying that because it’s you who doesn’t want to be alone?”

His question left her speechless, her eyes wide and filled with hurt. He was being cruel.  He knew that. Kana’s fears of abandonment were plain for anyone to see even without her coming right out and saying them as she had done when they had first reconciled after he revealed Ai’s secret. She wore it plainly in the way she dimmed her own light just to keep others close. It was so obvious that it was a miracle that she’d only been embroiled in one sex scandal instead of many.

It would only take a few sweet lies to leave her ruined. 

A few kind words were enough to leave her flustered and stuttering. You’re special to me , he had said. It was true – she was special to him, but that one sentence shouldn’t have been enough to leave her so rattled, as he had only burrowed even deeper into her heart. It was as endearing as it was infuriating to witness, to the point that he couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

She was still like this.

What would she even do after I’m gone? He wondered, watching the emotion well up in her eyes. It would be so easy to smooth over what he said with a just kidding , or to backtrack, but the way that she looked at him left him strangely angry. She cared to her own detriment. He wondered if, like Akane, she’d let him use her up until there was nothing left within her to give.

“Don’t project your feelings onto me, Arima,” Aqua said coldly. 

She looked as though she had been slapped, her large eyes wide with shock before her hands balled into fists. There was a tremble that went through her. She was searching his expression, looking for even the smallest sign that he hadn’t meant what he said – that he was joking. He didn’t give her that, returning her gaze with a flat, bored one. “Is that what you think?” She asked, voice quivering with anger. “That I’m projecting onto you?”

“That’s what it seems like.”

“You can be such a jerk sometimes,” she said, eyes hardening and jaw clenched tightly. “Is it that hard to believe that I’m bringing this up to you because I care? Because you’re my friend?”

He couldn’t hold back a mocking laugh. What did she think was going to happen from saying that? Did she think that she’d change his mind? That some pretty words from her would be enough to save him? What had she called him before? Her precious friend. Her words had touched him at the time — had made something shift in his heart, but now those words only filled him with bitter amusement. 

And anger. 

“Why are you laughing like it’s funny?” She demanded. She took another step towards him, this one more sure and certain. She had forgotten her hesitance in her anger, but that only made his ire grow. She really had no sense of preservation, did she? Advancing on a young man when they were alone. Did she even have a single clue how vulnerable she was right now? 

Probably not. 

She doubted that even crossed her mind. She probably even felt safe with him. Something mad and infectious swelled in his chest. He laughed again, softer this time as he shook his head. If she knew what was good for her, she’d go running out of the house. “Why are we having this conversation, Arima?”

Kana blinked rapidly, that question throwing her for a loop. “I – What?” She asked, tongue-tied. “What are you trying to accomplish here?” Aqua rephrased his question. His head tilted to the side as he studied her face. Confusion and hurt flittered across her expression. This time, he took a step toward her – and then another. She didn’t move away from him, even when he was directly in front of her. 

“I’m worried about you!” She said, not backing down. Then again, when did she ever? “Anyone would be worried if their friend said what you did!”

Friend.

There was that word again. Irritation bites at the back of his tongue like rising acid. Why did it annoy him so much? Was it because she called him a friend when she clearly wanted more than that? He knew that if he asked her out right now, she would accept without even a second thought. Even he had been able to see her disappointment when she realized that he was no longer dating Akane and she had squandered her chance at getting more.

Still, she never pushed.

He’d wondered about that at first. 

It was clear she had wanted to say more – had wanted more, but she didn’t. Was it out of fear of further rejection? Or was it something else? What would he have even said if she admitted her feelings? He didn’t know. Even now he was unsure as his eyes bore down into hers. She was so much smaller than him. So much more vulnerable, and yet she trusted him this much. 

Foolish – so foolish. 

“Is this really all because you just want to be my friend ?” He asked, speaking those unspoken words into existence. Aqua knew about her feelings. He supposed that he had always known – her crush on him had always been apparent to anyone who paid attention even a little bit. It was a bit of a dance between them, something in the air that neither of them wished to acknowledge. Acknowledging it would make it real, and if it was real then the delicate tightrope that they walked upon would snap. 

That question was all it took to break her composure – angry eyes growing embarrassed and her pale skin growing as crimson as her hair. “E-Eh?!” She exclaimed. “What is that even supposed to mean?” She took a step back, as her back hit the banister of the balcony and he caged her in, his arms resting on either side of her as he gripped the railing. There was barely any space between them now. “You don’t understand. Then, how about if I phrase it like this?” 

“Do you like me, Arima?”

That was as direct as he could be. Kana sputtered, unable to even compose a sentence. She couldn’t move now, trapped against the railing. He could feel her body shiver. From fear, maybe? Her lips parted, and she stared at him in what could only be bewildered shock. He should stop this. Remaining on friendly terms with Arima was more beneficial in the long run. She’d play her role in his film expertly. If she were in emotional turmoil, she wouldn’t put out an optimal performance. He needed this film to be successful. If he were going to use her, then what he was doing now was counterproductive.

He knew that well.

And yet – the rage inside of him only grew. Why did she look at him like that? So surprised, like she couldn’t believe he was doing this. Couldn’t believe that he was speaking to her like this. There was something sick inside of him – some deep chasm that oozed and pulsated like a wound left to fester and rot. I’d use even you, Arima Kana, he thought, raising a hand and pinching her chin in between his forefinger and thumb. You shouldn’t trust me.  

Aqua didn’t even trust himself – not when that poison filled his veins. He needed her close, but there was an even larger part of her that wanted her to run away screaming. That was what he deserved. Not her care – and not her love. 

Her pulse throbbed wildly. He could feel it as his thumb brushed against the pale expanse of her throat.

“Why even bring up love, to begin with?” He questioned, leaning closer to her. Her eyes were so wide, the moonlight catching on them and making them look like glittering garnet. “Did my interview upset you because it meant that I couldn’t love you, either?” 

Kana stiffened, trembling harder. Her eyes grew watery but she didn’t shed those tears. Crying had always been her specialty. He wondered if she were forcing her tears now -- or were those genuine? He was tempted to brush them away, but he stomped that desire down along with all of the other troublesome emotions and longing that he didn’t need. “There you go assuming that I like you again,” she whispered.

“You don’t?”

She bit her bottom lip, slowly inhaling. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“And you’re not answering the question.”

Her skin flushed even darker. He wasn’t sure if it was from his proximity or anger, but he couldn’t deny that the color looked appealing on her skin. Laughter built in his chest. He really was awful, wasn’t he? Even now she was getting affected. She hadn’t even tried to push him away yet to his own disbelief. How reckless could she be? “W-What is there to even answer? I told you before. I - I don’t l-like you like that.” Her stuttering didn’t make her sound very convincing.

“No?”

“No, you damn n-narcissist!” She hissed, lying through her teeth. Her hands twitch again together, betraying her. “Now stop trying to piss me off! I’m trying to have an actual conversation with you!”

“How can we do that when you aren’t being truthful?” Aqua’s head tilts to the side, her dissent sparking something red hot inside of his chest. “You said that you wanted me to communicate. That’s what I’m doing now.”

“This isn’t communicating! You’re just being an antagonistic ass right now!” she said, shoving a finger into his chest. He very nearly grabbed it. “E-Even if I did like you – which I don’t – w-what good would come from telling you now? You just want to fight!”

Fight?

Maybe so. 

How could he not act this way when she refused to yield? She was stubborn – so incredibly stubborn about all of the wrong things. “You’d let a man you didn’t like get this close to you?” He asked, this time brushing his thumb over her lips. They were just as soft as they look, though they were a little sticky to the touch from the lip gloss that she wore. It smelled like strawberries.

He’d scare her just a little – then she’d be done with him. 

Kana's eyes grew wide, “W-What are you doing?”

“Are you going to stop me?” He goaded, drawing closer to her until he was only a breadth of an inch away from those strawberry-scented lips. He wouldn’t go any further than this. She'd stop him with this much. She’d panic any second now and his guilt would be assuaged. “Most girls would be scared right about now. If they didn’t like the boy doing this.” 

Just a little more.

There was something sharp in her eyes, something that cut through her obvious anxiousness. “You aren’t that scary,” she said, probably making the worst mistake of her life. 

Oh?

A heavy and viscous heat burned in the pit of his stomach. How foolish of her – but it was so like her to scoff in the face of an obvious threat. She really thought that he meant her no harm. 

What a silly, foolish girl.

He wanted to shake her. He wanted to throw her out of his house and tell her to never return. He wanted to destroy her. 

He wanted to eat her alive. 

Whatever thread of control he had left snapped, as he gripped her shoulders, closing the gap between them and kissing her – hard. She made a sound that was like a mouse’s squeak before it is swallowed by his mouth. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, not like what he was sure her first kiss should have been like. She deserved to be with someone who would take his time with her, who would be chaste and soft. Not a man who fisted a hand into her soft locks of hair in order to pull her even closer to him.

The dark call of madness had never been so sweet. 

How had the atmosphere become so charged? How had he messed up so badly? He nipped and bit at her lips, tasting her the sweet lip gloss on his tongue. She made a soft sound against his mouth; like she was trying to say something but he couldn’t quite make out her words over the buzzing in his skull or the sound of blood rushing in his ears. 

Her small hands grabbed his shirt, bunching up the material in her hands. It would be wrinkled after this, but he didn’t care. 

Aqua’s hand fell to the small of her back, groping at the flesh there with near bruising forced as he pushed her closer to him. It was overwhelming – this feeling. It was a hunger that felt like sharp claws were being dragged along his belly. Gnawing and violent. She was just too sweet, like honeysuckle on his tongue. He dragged his tongue along the outline of her lips, prodding at her mouth until she finally yielded, allowing him in. With each whimper he drew from her, she soothed that ache building beneath his skin but he was quickly struck by the realization that it was not enough. 

Their height difference was beginning to make this difficult and he could feel the strain of leaning in this position for too long beginning to sting. However, he only stopped when the burning in his lungs became too much to bear. He pulled back, breathing heavily and the sight of her nearly knocked the wind out of him even more.

Kana was all red for him and panting. Her normally well-kept hair was mussed and touseled from where he had grabbed her. Hadn’t she had a hat on? Well, if she did it was long gone. Maybe it had fallen off of the balcony. Her lips were swollen and kiss-bitten, slick with his saliva. 

Something twisted hard in his belly.

“A-Aqua,” she murmured his name, her voice distant and almost dreamy. 

“Do you like me?” He repeated and this time she nodded. Her pupils were so dilated they nearly overtook her irises. That was how affected she was. How pliant she was for him. “You really shouldn’t.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” She asked, finally finding her voice. “I can’t help who I like. If I could I would’ve moved on from you forever ago.” That was the smartest thing she’d said all day. Then, she looked bashful, avoiding his eyes as she leaned against him. “Why did you kiss me?”

He wished that he could give her a concrete answer that didn’t make him want to fling himself off of the balcony. However, he had none. He hadn’t meant to kiss her or do even half of what he had done tonight. Instead, he asked, “Do you want me to stop?”

“Answering my question with a question,” she muttered unkindly. “You’re so annoying! And confusing!” She hit his chest, but it wasn’t hard enough to hurt. He almost wished she would fight him off in earnest. That she would care enough about herself to punch and bite until she was free. Almost wished that he could carve out that hopeful part of her that made her so naive.

He could though, couldn’t he? If his body was a blade, then he could cut that innocence out — piece by piece. 

Confusing? He couldn’t argue with her there. He couldn’t even figure out what he wanted more. 

“I kissed you because I wanted to.” That was true, even if it didn’t really answer anything. She glared at him, eyes squinting like she was trying to mull over if that answer was enough for her or not. “Were you expecting more?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, suddenly shy. “It’s not like I have experience with this kind of thing,” Her hands nervously fidget with the material of his shirt. “D-Do you like me too?” She sounded so hopeful that he truly felt like the scum of the Earth. His hand smoothed against the small of her back. There was a longing that he felt — one that built and built until it was impossible to ignore. It would not be denied no matter how many times he had tried to stomp it out — crush it and make it small. 

“Yes,” he admitted, growing to hate himself a little more than he really did.

She smiled, no beamed as her eyes shined with happiness — like he hadn’t just been antagonizing her a few moments ago, mocking her. 

Ah. She was so dazzling when she smiled. 

He’d made her day with one single word and she had no idea that all she had done by accepting it was loop a shackle around her throat — or a collar.

Maybe it was both. 

“Then, no,” she said firmly. “I don't want you to stop.”

Aqua inhaled sharply. Why did she insist on being so difficult?

This time, Kana tugged him down to her level, pressing her mouth to his. She lacked finesse, her lips moving clumsily against his as she yanked him a little harder than she had anticipated. Her teeth knock against his lips before he moved to cup her cheeks. She released a mortified groan, and even he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sorry,” she muttered, cheeks flushing in that adorable way that only made him want to ruin her that much more. 

Instead of responding, he turned her head to a better angle. “Like this,” he instructed, lips parting as he slowly tugged her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it until he felt her knees buckle. It was cute, how responsive she was. Her hands shook, still grabbing the material of his shirt. She didn’t seem to know what to even do with them.

Aqua wrapped his arms around her waist to steady her. What she lacked in experience she more than made up for in enthusiasm. She’d always been a quick learner and this was no different as she deepened the kiss. Like in acting, she matched his energy, following his cues and deepening the kiss as her hands moved from his chest to his shoulders. Her nails dug into the fabric of his shirt as he suckled at the tip of her tongue as she grew bold enough to try using her tongue.

She gasped against his mouth, standing on the tips of her toes as her weight sagged against him. He felt her shiver, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the chill of the night’s air or –

He moved back, and couldn’t stop the arrogant satisfaction that swelled in his chest at the sight of her attempting to chase his lips as he stood to his full height. There was frustration in her eyes – and longing as she stared at his lips shamelessly. She was not quite tall enough even on the tips of her toes to reach him and she gave up after her third try, muttering to herself in irritation. So small – and so needy. He wanted to kiss her again. But he also wanted to tease her – make her as desperate as she had made him. Another shiver wracked her body.

“Are you cold?” Aqua asked, unable to hold back the urge to tuck a few loose strands of her bangs behind her ears. She was growing them out, it seemed. “A little,” she said quietly. Her lashes are very long. How had he not noticed that before?

“Let’s go inside then,” he extricated himself from her, filled with regret at doing so. No matter. They wouldn’t be separated for long. He opened the sliding door, allowing her to enter the living room area, taking just enough time to slide the door closed and lock it before he was on her again. 

He loved the sounds of surprise she made when startled – a hollow intake of air that sounded almost like a squeal when his arms wrapped around her midsection from behind.

“Why did you lie?”

“W-What?”

“When I first asked you if you liked me you lied. You lied before too — about just wanting to be friends. I just wanted to know why,” he buried his face into the nape of her neck, letting the soft strands of hair growing there tickle his cheeks. She smelled nice, her hair giving off the scent of aromatic flowers. It must be the shampoo she used. Unable to resist, he kissed the back of her neck, smiling at how she squirmed in his arms in response.

“W-We were friends before, you know?” She said quietly, her hands squeezing over his where he had latched onto her waist. “And then you just ignored me for nearly a year. I didn’t know whether it was because you knew about my feelings and were staying away out of respect for Akane or if you just hated me. When we started talking again I didn’t want to ruin that by bringing up my feelings. Friendship was enough.”

Was, she said. Was it no longer enough? Then again, he’d all but thrown their friendship away the moment that he kissed, hadn’t he? Even he couldn’t wave a kiss away. A dark part of him wondered if she would let him. “Why did you lie just now then?”

“Because you were being an ass. I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

Aqua chuckled. How very like her. “Don’t you like me anyway, though?” Because she did. It had been two years since they first met and her feelings hadn’t diminished in the least even when they had stopped speaking. Truthfully, neither had his in all of that time. Even if he knew that whatever they had was doomed to fail, it didn’t stop that maddening yearning. "I ought to sock you," she muttered in irritation. "Everything that comes out of your mouth makes me want to scream." 

“And yet, you’re the one with the foul mouth.” She huffed indignantly at that comment but did little to remove herself from his arms. 

She shuffled her feet from side to side, lips twisting trying to find the words to phrase what she really wanted to say. She hesitated before blurting out, “Would you have kissed me, then? If I told you the truth?”

“When?”

“When I said I only wanted to be friends because you were dating Akane,” He paused, mulling over those words. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure. He’d been somewhat relieved that she had lied rather than reveal her actual feelings. He might have snapped much sooner -- might’ve thrown her down onto the Strawberry Productions’ couch and had his way then and there. It was difficult to hold back feelings that had been building for so long. No, he would’ve done far more than kiss her.

Just as he would do tonight – unless she protested.

He wished she would.

“Yes,” he affirmed, feeling her tense in his arms, perhaps from excitement. He brushed his lips along the side of her neck now. Luckily, she hadn’t worn a high collar today, allowing him easier access. “Probably more than that.”

Kana licked her lips, “Like what?”

He raised an eyebrow. Not so shy, then. “How about I show you?” Aqua asked, hoping she’d say no. That she’d come to her senses and flee, then perhaps they could both laugh this entire thing off as heightened emotions. She grew silent, considering his offer. “Alright,” she said – because Kana was reckless. Kana didn’t heed warnings or understand that he was poison.

And he was far too weak to struggle against her. 

Foolish, foolish girl. 

“Then, let’s go to my room,” he whispered against the shell of her ear. “As much as I’d like to continue this here – my sister or Miyako could walk in,” His stand-in mother had gone to accompany Ruby on set as she filmed several episodes of Dig Deep! and while Miyako had assured him that they would be staying out for the rest of the night, it wasn’t something that he wanted to risk. 

Ruby would probably actually kill him, then.

You’d deserve it.

Yeah, he would. 

The tips of Kana’s ears grew red, but she nodded. “You have to let me go first so I can walk,” she reminded him, lightly hitting his hands. She was probably right, but he had a better idea.

Aqua lifted her up, moving down and swooping her legs out from underneath her. Startled, she yelped and clung to his shoulders. She was relatively light – almost too light considering that she often cut out carbs during meals, following Ruby and Mem along with whatever fad diets they were trying at the time. “H-Hey!” She glared at him. “What are you doing?!”

“Carrying you,” he deadpanned as she balled one of her small hands into a fist and hit his chest. “What does it look like?”

“Always with the smart-ass remarks…” 

He shrugged, “You’re not that heavy. It’s not a problem.” She grew redder, folding her arms across her chest as she resigned herself to her fate. His bedroom door was already open as he walked in, and he used his foot to close it behind him. He considered locking it as well, but he didn’t want to release her just yet. 

She looked around his room, eyes drawn to every part of it. He had never thought much about the way that his room was decorated. There were a few posters up of his favorite movies or series that caught his eye. There were even some medical posters that he had framed which he could see Kana was clearly baffled by. Aside from that, there wasn’t much in way of decor. There was no need for it, anyway. There was just a bed, a desk with an office chair, and a nightstand. 

 He was grateful he had long since removed Ai’s poster from the wall back when he was still dating Akane. That would be somewhat difficult to explain, and the idea of fucking a girl with that poster hanging from the wall was more than a little unsettling for reasons that he didn’t wish to process. 

“This is so like you,” Kana said after a moment, giving a small laugh. “Everything in here is super practical. At least you have some posters up, even if some of them are weird as hell. This room screams old man.”

She didn’t know how right she was on that account.

Instead of dignifying that comment with a response, he dropped her onto his bed. She squealed out a “Hey!” before he pinned her down, grabbing her wrists and pressing down. Her cheeks exploded in color, a pretty shade of red that he could see even in the dim lighting of his room. Carefully, he released one of her hands to reach over to the nightstand beside his bed, turning on the lamp that sat on top of it. Kana grew redder if that were possible. 

“Can’t we keep the light off?”

“Why?”

“It’s embarrassing!” She wriggled beneath him. “Y-You’re going to see everything?”

“...Isn’t that the point?” 

Kana grabbed one of his pillows, hitting him in the face with it. “You know what I mean!”

He did, but he couldn’t help but think that she was being silly about it. He snatched the pillow from her, flinging it off of the bed. “Why are you worried?” He asked, letting the tips of his fingers brush along the hem of where her dress fell, right above her thighs. Kana tensed, watching his hand as he used his index finger to draw a circle into the skin. “You have a beautiful body.” Those words come easily. They weren’t lies. He really did think that, though he wouldn’t admit just how many times he had thought about peeling away the outer layer of her clothing, revealing the skin beneath.

She worried her bottom lip in between her teeth before forcing a laugh, “How would you know? You haven’t even seen it.”

“Then, let me see,” he pushed her dress up higher, up over her hips and revealing her panties. She had on a cute white pair, adorned with pink lacey flowers, but she was quick to force her dress back down over it, her face a burning red. “Hey! Can’t you at least ask, first?”

“Can I take off your dress?” He asked with no hesitation, and she grew even redder if that were even possible. She now matched the color of her hair. It was almost impressive. The red hue colored more than just her face, he could even see it along her neck, disappearing into where her shirt began. “You’re really something else,” she muttered, her body growing tense. Perhaps, from nerves. 

That wouldn’t do. 

He leaned down, balancing his weight on his forearms as he kissed her again. It was slower this time, more gentle as his tongue massaged over her lips. His hand comes to rest on her cheek, thumb rubbing over her soft skin. He could feel her relax, as she lifted her arms before tentatively coming to rest them on his shoulders. 

This time, she surprised him as her teeth sink down into his bottom lip. Such a simple action, and yet it left a dull ache forming in his groin. His hand moved lower, resting on her knee before parting her thighs. She didn’t resist, letting him settle himself in between her parted thighs. Their hips pressed flush against each other and he heard her gasp softly against his mouth and rut against her, searching for a relief that only she could offer. Since going through puberty again, he was no stranger to constant arousal. His body was that of a teenage boy, after all, but the need that gathers in the pit of his stomach was intense.  

“Arima,” he breathed her name. “Can I take your dress off?” He repeated and he felt her shiver beneath him. Her hips bucked, hands squeezing at his shoulders. “Okay,” she said this time.

He brushed his fingertips along her thighs, pulling the dress up over her hips. Kana lifted herself, allowing him to take the entire dress off, leaving her in her shirt and her panties. She had opted not to wear tights today, something that he had mixed feelings about. He’d be lying if he said that never thought about ripping the tights that she often wore off of her. That little fantasy had often been the star of several dreams, but there was nothing like touching her soft skin directly.

The flush that she wore did seem to cover her chest, disappearing into her shirt. Aqua ran his hand up along her abdomen, beneath her shirt as he moved to grasp her breast over her bra. It was a thin bra, with no padding and he could feel her nipple stiffening beneath the fabric. 

Kana squirmed impatiently beneath him. “Hey,” she said, interrupting him.

“What?”

“It’s not fair that I’m the only one here that’s practically naked,” she said seriously.

There was that boldness again. She seemed to flip between bashfulness and saying whatever popped into her head. “You think?”

“Yeah, so strip!” She demanded, fingers hooking underneath the hem of his shirt and tugging upward. He suppressed a snort of amusement as he lifted his arms to assist her. She threw his shirt god knew where in his room before taking a moment to stare at his bare chest. Her eyes traced over his skin, staring shamelessly. That went on for a full minute before he cleared his throat. “A picture will last longer,” he remarked.

“Oh, shut up,” she muttered spitefully. “You’re the one who wants the light on. That means I can look too, right?” 

“Never said that you couldn’t,” Aqua said, lashes brushing against his cheeks as he lowered his gaze. He hadn’t exposed nearly enough of her pale skin – supple looking and smooth, just begging to be touched. He couldn’t help but wonder what that skin would look like covered in his bites. “Feel free to look as much as you like.” 

Kana swallowed, somewhat anxiously. “F-Fine,” she said, reaching out to touch his chest. She clearly wanted to do much more than look, which was fine with him. Her touch was experimental, just her fingers grazing along the skin of his pectoral muscles. He worked out consistently, and while he didn’t have Pieyon’s physique, he thought that he was toned enough to be appealing. Kana seemed to think so as her lips parted, brushing the pads of her fingers further down his to his abdomen.

He flinched and she stopped abruptly. “Sorry. Did that hurt?”

Aqua chucked. How cute. “No. Just ticklish. You’d have to do a lot more than that to hurt me.” He grabbed her wrist, placing it somewhat lower, right below his navel as she inhaled sharply. He made her press her palm flat against his skin. “You can touch more firmly. Like this.” 

Her lips parted, “Okay,” Kana breathed as her touches grew more sure. She ran her palm up along his chest, fingertips brushing over his nipples. “Do boys like this kind of thing too?” 

“It depends, we’re usually not as sensitive there,” he said, but he had to admit that it did feel nice when she did it. “Some men are.”

“Are you?”

Aqua paused – she was looking up at him so curiously that he couldn’t help but indulge. “A bit,” he admitted. “Most guys will only want you to touch one place, though.”

Kana laughed, this time more genuinely. “Oh, I’m sure,” her head tilted, an impish look shining in her crimson eyes. “Do you want me to touch you there too, Aqua?” When she looked at him like that some part of him wanted to let her, while another, darker part of him wanted to make her regret trying to tease him like that. Leave her utterly speechless. Arima was a chatty one, so it would be difficult but he was more than up for the challenge.

“Not yet,” was all he said, however.

She gave him a bemused look as he did away with her shirt. She was more at ease now, allowing him to undress her as she was spread out beneath him. She really was beautiful – her body was slender, but her curves were pronounced despite that. He ran his hands along her sides before palming the swell of her hips, squeezing them appreciatively.  “W-Why not?” She asked, looking directly at the tent in his jeans, “Looks like you want to be touched there.”

He grasped her hips, tugging her closer to him as he buried his face into the swell of her breasts. She made a soft sound, something between a squeak and a moan. He wasn’t surprised that she was still so expressive, even now. He wondered what other sounds he could manage to wring from her.

“I’d rather touch you.”  

He was rewarded with an even deeper flush as he pushed her bra up over her breasts. They were small, but fit nicely in his hands as he squeezed them before flicking her nipple with his tongue. She jumped in her arms, as though his tongue was like an electrical wire touching her bare skin. Her back arched like she was trying to press herself harder against his mouth. “A-Ah,” she whimpered, her voice like music to his ears. 

“Seems like you’re the sensitive one,” he teased, as her eyes narrowed. She looked like she was about to say something biting, but whatever it was only came out as a garbled moan as he moved to take her nipple into his mouth, using his free hand to roll the other stiffened nub in between the tips of his fingers. Her hips stuttered, jumping and moving against his and he pressed back eagerly. “Aqua,” she whined. “Please…” 

God. His own name had never sounded so good.

He slid his hand down, along her belly, and then down between her thighs. She was wet. That wasn’t much of a surprise, but he was taken aback by just how utterly soaked she was for him. It was ridiculous — how affected she was by him. The crotch of her underwear was all but ruined, and he could feel the slickness running down along her inner thighs. 

He used his thumb to brush over her clit through her underwear and her reaction was immediate. She cried out, hips rutting against him as her eyes squeezed shut. Her body twisted beneath him. All that from a single touch. 

She was so good for him.

Scorching heat boiled beneath his skin as Aqua repeated the motion, pressing down more firmly only the swollen bundle of nerves. Her thighs close around his hands and he has to use his other hand to hold them open as he touched her harder and more deliberately. It felt like she only grew wetter for him until he couldn’t stand it as he shoved the crotch of her underwear aside in order to touch her directly. 

Would she be this wet for someone else?

The very idea of that makes something vile swirl in his chest, acrid and biting. It was like venom in his veins. No. She’d only be like this for him.

It was the reason she was here now, wasn’t it? The reason she had never run – the reason she had always come back. Kana cared too much for her own good and he was a greedy, awful man who took just because he was too weak not to. “W-Wait,” he heard her whimper, her small hand wrapping weakly around his wrist. 

“Do you really want me to?” He found himself asking. His cock ached, but he did nothing to offer himself relief as he drew circles around her clit with the pad of his thumb. He withdrew only for a moment in order to swipe his tongue along that skin, tasting the headiness of her arousal. The taste of her sex was sweet, like honeyed sin that just begged to be swallowed rapaciously. Kana watched him, transfixed before whining, embarrassed.

“Y-You--”

“You’re not often left speechless,” he said mischievously. She hit his arm in retaliation. “And you’re not normally so talkative,” she muttered snidely

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t!” Kana said abruptly, cheeks burning hot. “I don’t want you to stop – but – j-just give me a second.” 

He wasn’t sure if he could wait that long, truth be told. Even while ignoring his own arousal, it churned deep in his belly, making his stomach feel hot and tense – his cock unbearably stiff in his jeans. Of all of the days to not wear sweatpants, he had picked today. “Why did you want to stop?”

She muttered something that he couldn’t quite hear.

“What was that?”

“It’s just started to feel kind of overwhelming,” Kana admitted, averting her eyes from his. She chewed on her bottom lip. “Like I was losing myself there for a second.”

“Is that a bad thing?” 

“What?” 

His question made her grow quiet, and he leaned down, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear. “I want you to lose yourself,” he continued softly, his words a secret promise. “I want you to think of only me when we’re like this.” That wasn’t a lie. Just seeing her like this was enough to make him crave even more. More of her taste, her flushed skin, and the lovely sounds that he was able to coax from those pink lips.

He licked his middle and ring finger as his hand returned between her legs, and this time she doesn’t stop him, watching him with rapt attention as he runs his knuckles along her slick folds, flicking up and down twice as he coated his fingers in her wetness. Then, he found her opening, before pushing his middle finger inside of her.

Kana hissed in response – thighs trembling as her inner walls tighten around his finger. It was tight. He would need to stretch her out much more if he wanted to get inside of her. And he did – just feeling that wet heat around his finger was enough to make his chest constrict, breathless from the force of that desire. She’d be much tighter and hotter around his cock, wouldn’t she? What an awful, horrid thought to have – but rationality had been thrown away long ago. 

Right now – he just wanted. 

Would it be so wrong to take something for himself? To lose himself within her, if only for one night? It would change nothing. He knew that.

He knew.

And yet –

Kana was dangerous, wasn’t she? Just being with her was enough to make him want things that he had no right to have – things that he could never have, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself, either. Her flesh called to him like the beguiling siren’s song. He added another finger inside of her, and it was an even tighter fit as curled his fingers forward. His palm pressed forward until it pushed right against her clit. He heard her inhale sharply as his fingertips push firmly against her inner walls, towards her pubic bone from within. Her thighs spasmed, squeezing tightly around his hand again. Good, he’d found it.

He smiled, “Is that the spot?”

Kana panted, unable to keep still as he pushed his fingers in and out, letting them drag across that spot with each withdrawal as her eyes grew wide and unfocused. “I – I – T-That’s–”

“That’s what? I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

“J-Jerk,” she managed to get out before he twisted his fingers within her, stretching them with each plunge until the wet, squelching sounds of her body filled the room. If she had been soaking before, she was all but dripping now. His fingers were drenched, and there was some even dribbling down his wrist. 

She twisted on the bed, her hips jumping, almost as though she were trying to move away from him, but he used his other hand to hold her in place — making her take everything that he was giving to her. Her lips part into a silent cry, hands twisting into the sheets of his bed. That just wouldn’t do. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” he remarked, surprised. It seemed like she was doing everything in her power to keep herself from making noise – even as her skin flushed a deep red from the effort. “Why?”

“W-What if R-Ruby or M-Miyako-san--”

“They won’t be home until tomorrow,” he informed her, working his fingers even harder as he met her gaze. “You can be as loud as you want. Put the vulgar mouth to good use. Weren’t you the one who stressed the importance of communication?”

She made a sound that was a mixture of a giggle and a moan as her legs kicked out before squeezing hard, effectively trapping his hand. “Y-You’re such a–,” She was cut off as his fingers moved quickly, and this time when she moaned, she didn’t hold back her sounds of pleasure – raspy moans and soft giggles that leave his cock almost throbbing in pain. 

“Such a what?”

Kana couldn’t quite answer him at that moment, not that he expected her to. He kissed her mouth, then her throat, and then in between her breasts all while his fingers worked her into a frenzy. She was close. He could tell that much from the way that she writhed on his sheets. Unable to resist, he pushed her thighs back, opening them wide as he kissed lower and lower until his tongue was able to tease at her clit. He heard her make a loud and almost scandalized sound. There was a panicked, “What are you doing?!—” that quickly turned into a whimper as her hips bucked toward his mouth despite herself. Was she nervous about him eating her out? Possibly, but he wouldn’t allow her to worry about something so silly. 

He wouldn’t let her think of anything that wasn’t him. 

He sucked at her clit, swirling his tongue around it in time with his deft fingers. Her taste was intoxicating – sweeter than the ripest of fruits. She grew wetter by the second and he was all too eager to lap up all of it, like her arousal was the most exquisite of ambrosias. His hips grind down against his mattress as he worked, the ache there too much to bear. 

A little more –

When he felt that she was able to take it, he added his index finger.  With three fingers inside of her, it was incredibly tight – the way that her inner muscles clenched hard around his fingers; like she didn’t want to let him go. Kana grabbed his hair – twisting the locks around her fingers as she arched against him. “T-That’s so g-good,” she whined.  

“Yeah?” He drew back to ask before diving back in. He couldn’t get enough of her. He felt like an addict, partaking in something forbidden but oh-so-tempting. Something that set his skin ablaze with each indulgence. She pulled into the abyss without even trying – and he was all too eager to descend. Deep down, a part of him knew that he was ruining her – knew this truly was the point of no return, but it was impossible to stop. He played with her body as he would an instrument, tugging at the strings of her until she was all but putty beneath his practiced hands. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes!”

She wailed something unintelligible, but it almost sounded like his name – her head turning from side to side. It didn't take long after that until he could feel her inner muscles spasming; until she was all but shrieking as she came all over his fingers. 

He moved his mouth down, removing his fingers as he sealed his mouth over her cunt to swallow it all down greedily. Her hips would have lifted off of the bed had he not been holding them down. Satisfaction curled in his belly at the sight of what he had reduced her to. He lapped at her, sucking at the over-sensitive flesh until she was trying to push him away.

"T-Too much," she rasped, and was only then that he drew away, eyes hooded and intoxicated. There was a part of him that wanted to dive back in, wanted to make her come again and again until she could say or think nothing but his name, but he resisted. 

It was still her first time, after all. 

She trembled, all but spent on the bed beneath him as she struggled to catch her breath. 

He could feel her juices coating his lips and his chin but he didn’t mind. He licked his lips clean. She looked like a mess right now – her normally well-kept hair was mussed and out of place, her sweat-soaked bangs sticking to her forehead, skin flushed a deep pink. Seeing her in this state was only for him. 

“Where the hell did you learn that ?” Kana asked when she could finally speak. 

His lips quirked upward, “Books.”

“Liar!” She accused, though her voice held no real malice. “You really are a playboy, aren’t you? I bet you’ve been with all kinds of girls even before you dated Akane.”

It would be too complicated to explain that she was partly right. He had dated and messed around with plenty of girls in his previous life, but that had been more than a decade ago at this point – nor had it happened in his current body.  “Feel free to believe whatever you want to,” He said, kissing her quiet before she could inquire any further. 

“What about you? You went to that director’s house that one time, didn’t you? Did you sleep with him?” He knew the answer to that question already but he wanted to rile her up.

Kana glared daggers at him. “You’re going to ask me about that right now?”

“It’s only fair, isn’t it?”

She groaned in frustration, cheeks puffing out. This time, he did cup her cheeks in between his palms, his forehead pressed against hers. “I didn’t do anything with Shima-san,” she said quietly. “I couldn’t.” 

That caught his attention. “Why not?”

“I kept thinking about you the entire time,” she admitted and that information shook him far more than he had expected it to. Excitement and heat coalesced into a feverish storm that made him dizzy in its intensity. He was the reason she hadn’t gone through with it? “And I couldn’t. Ugh. It sounds silly saying it out loud now.” 

“That’s good,” he found himself saying. Kana blinked, clearly confused by his words until he dragged her hips forward. She yelped in surprise, and he really loved all of the sounds that she made. She was incredibly expressive – from the flustered pout at her lips to the fire that shined within her eyes. “So, I’m the only one who’s ever seen you like this?” He asked. He liked that. As though this sight was for him and him alone.

How terrible.

Kana wiggled in his arms, “Don’t get a big head about it,” she retorted hotly, hiding her embarrassment. Everything about her was adorable – even the way that she denied and deflected what was obviously true. “It doesn’t seem fair, though.”

“How so?”

“Has Kurokawa Akane seen you like this, too?” There was that nasty personality again. Such an inappropriate thing to ask when in bed with someone – but also so Kana. He couldn’t exactly fault her for it, either. He had asked about her past experience, as well, hadn’t he?  How should he respond? 

“A few times,” he admitted honestly. They had dated for nearly a year, after all. Akane had been the one to initiate, and he had no real reason to turn her down. There had been some level of care and attraction between them, even if it wasn’t love. 

She looked annoyed at that, “Was she your first?” 

“No,” he said, because that answer was what was closest to the truth. First in this body, but not his first time. That honor had been taken by another fumbling teenager in his youth as Gorou. That seemed to please Kana, however, as her hands twitch before she reached for the loop of the belt on his jeans. She undid it quickly, also undoing the button to his jeans before pushing them down around his hips. He helped her, tossing his jeans off of the bed once she managed to get them off of him. His cock strained against his boxers, hard and leaking so much that there was a wet mark on his boxers. It was a little embarrassing

Kana stared for a moment before voicing a promise. “Then, I’ll be the best you’ve ever had.”

Aqua blinked, “That’s a bold statement to make,” he said, head tilting as he looked down at her. Her face was determined, like she hadn’t just said something ridiculous. She smirked in response, “I thought we’ve established that I don’t like to lose? To anyone. Whether that be to Akane or any other girls that you’ve been with,” there was that false bravado again, however, she sounded very sure of herself. 

“You were trembling earlier,” he pointed out, “You needed me to stop.”

“I’m a little nervous, but I’m a quick learner,” Kana responded quickly, before sitting up. Her legs are a little wobbly, but she pushed on his chest, clearly wanting him to lay back. Curiously, he did and she moved over her, resting her knees on the sides of his hips as she straddled him. She reached down between them, grasping his cock over his boxers. His breath hitched and she stopped for a moment, checking his expression to see if she had hurt him. “It’s fine,” he said. “You can keep going.” 

Kana nodded, slipping her hands beneath the band of his boxers. He helped her slide them down his hips, allowing his cock to spring free from its confines. She stared down at it before her eyes dart back up to his. “Can you show me how you like to be touched?” She asked, and he felt his throat go dry. 

Of course, he could. 

“Sure,” he said thickly, lightly taking her hand and placing it around the base of his cock. He squeezed his hand around hers in order to show her the proper grip. “You don’t have to worry about grabbing too hard. I prefer a stronger grip,” he explained, voice soft as he guided her hand up and down along his shaft. It was wet at the tip, dripping with pre-cum that coated his cock with each pump of her hand. 

“The head is where it’s most sensitive,” he instructed, “So focus your attention there.” 

Aqua watched her, releasing her hand as she continued to stroke his cock using the same fluid and slow motions that he had taught her. She was right, he thought as he watched her through half-lidded eyes – she did learn quickly. Kana’s hands were small and soft as she slid her hand along his shaft. The sight left his stomach burning, tightening with that telltale pressure that threatened to burst far too soon if he wasn’t careful. 

She watched him closely, before taking her other hand and wrapping her fingers around the head of his cock. Her thumb brushed along the underside of his glans, teasing the skin there. His hips jerked forward, jaw clenching.

Her eyes darted up towards his. “Was that good?”

Aqua nodded. A wet sound filled the room with each movement as his skin grew slicker with each pump of her hands. It was all that he could do to keep himself from thrusting up into her hand. Then, he felt something warm and wet slide against the tip of his cock. His breath lodged in his throat as he looked down.

Kana was – licking his cock.

A groan bubbled in his throat, eyes squeezed shut as his hips flex forward. She slid her tongue along the underside of his glans. His skin felt like it had been exposed to an open flame as he watched her. “Arima--” He hissed. “You don’t have to do that–”

“Why not?” She asked, smiling coyly. She pressed her cheek against his shaft, pumping her hand lazily around it. “I’m just returning the favor,” she said as she pushed the longer ends of her bangs behind her ears before diving back in and taking the head of his cock into her mouth. The inside of her mouth was hot and wet in a way that made his toes curl. The sight alone of her pretty pink lips stretched around his cock was enough to nearly undo him – balls growing tight as she hollowed her cheeks to suck.

Aqua combed his fingers through her hair, and she made a made a pleased sound in the back of her throat that hummed against him.

Kana was slow with her movements, as though she were testing the waters as well, eyes locked on him to observe his reactions. She wanted to learn him, taking note of every hitch of his breath and flex of his hips as she worked him. She was certainly a meticulous one, using her hand to pump along the heated flesh that she couldn’t take into her mouth. “Fuck, ” he breathed, falling back to rest his weight on his elbows. 

Her tongue lashed out, sliding along one of the prominent veins along the length of him, sending thrills of sweet bliss that nearly short circuit his brain. He hadn’t felt anything even close to this in years -- a lifetime, really. It was good, the way that the heat simmered in his belly, rushing through his veins like a sweet venom, making every neuron that buzzed beneath his skin feel bright and new. 

“Arima,” he groaned her name as she took him in more deeply, pushing herself down until he could feel the back of her throat. It left his belly trembling, and he found himself hanging right on the precipice of pure bliss. He grit his teeth, forcing himself to think of something unpleasant – math equations, formulas, different facts – to keep from finishing too soon. Arima was just too good.

She drew back, his cock falling out of her mouth with a lewd pop as she looked up at him. “Call me Kana,” she encouraged, stroking his cock quickly, filling the room with a slick, wet sound as she pumped him. His hips flex, jaw clenching hard as that tight knot in his stomach rapidly began to unwind. “You never have. It kind of makes me a little mad, you know.”

She was right – he never had called her by her given name. It was a deliberate choice on his part. It was a way of putting distance between them — a way to shield himself from her light as he shied further away into the darkness, walking down a path that would only lead to his ruin. If he let her light in even for a moment, it would mean the end.

Still, none of that mattered now. 

At this moment, it was difficult to care about his purpose — he was just a man, alone with a girl who was determined to make him feel good, even if it was the worst mistake she had ever made in her life. It was endearing – It was awful. 

“Kana,” he moaned, low and indulgent. His hips rutted forward and he could hear her begin to choke as she took him in deeper, her throat slick and hot. It was so easy to thrust like this. If he wasn’t careful, he could hurt her. However, she wasn’t deterred as hearing him say her name only spurred her forward as she bobbed her head faster, all but swallowing him down her throat. It was like she liked it when he was rough – when he moaned her name and used her. His head tilted back, shivering as that heat threatened to ignite into wildfire.

“I like it when you say my name like that,” Kana murmured, running her tongue along the length of him before taking him in again. His lashes fluttered as he bit his bottom lip. There was something possessive in the way that she said that – he liked it, even if this wasn’t a tendency that he should encourage within her. He moaned her name again, and he felt her make a soft sound of appreciation around him, moving even more enthusiastically, not even caring how much of a mess she was making. Aqua’s thumb caressed her cheek gently, fingers gathering the strands of her into a makeshift ponytail as he heard her cough around him. Too much, then. And, too much for him as well. If she kept that up, he’d be finished far too soon. “W-Wait—,” he said hoarsely. He grabbed her shoulders, urging her to sit up watching as his cock slid out of her lips.

There was a thread of saliva still running her mouth to his cock. His stomach tightened. Such a lewd sight – and it was all for him. Gently, he wiped it away, brushing his thumb over her lips as he struggled to catch his breath. “Is something wrong?” She asked,  and he almost laughed at the absurdity of the question. Everything was wrong – but that had nothing to do with what she had done. 

“No,” Aqua answered bluntly, “You were just too good at that. I was about to come.”

She flushed, smiling happily. Silly girl — It was like she was proud of that. “Then why did you stop me? You didn’t want to come?” 

What a loaded question. He was going to come in her mouth at the rate that she was going. Did she even know that?  

“I do – but not like that. We’d be done too soon if you finished me like that,” he responded, drawing her closer in order to kiss her lips. They were slick with saliva, but he didn’t mind. She purred against his mouth, arms looping around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss. It didn’t take long before they were both breathless again, until he lifted her up, allowing her to sit more comfortably on his lap. His hips slot neatly against her, and this time, there were no barriers between them.

He shuddered at his cock slide against the slick folds of her labia, a rush of heat boiling beneath his skin. Kana moaned as well, hips raising to meet his eagerly. “Feels good,” she slurred, kissing him messily as she chased after her pleasure. She was so wet that it would be so easy to slide inside of her and take her without warning – but it was her first time. He would need to be careful with her. 

Though, he wondered if she’d mind if he held her down and took her roughly – fucked her like she truly belonged to him. “Aqua,” she whispered urgently. “Hurry up!”

“So impatient,” he chided lightly, moving to kiss along her jawline. Her skin tasted salty with sweat, but it coated his tongue like honey. “Where’s the rush?”

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?” She asked, annoyed. She bit his lips in retaliation and he nearly growled, hands gripping her hips with bruising force to still her movements. She playfully fought against him until he flipped them back over, pinning her wrists down to the mattress. It was only then that she seemed to give up, but her expression was openly wanton — all flushed skin and parted lips as she panted. Her skin looked lovely dyed red. “I want you, Aqua.”

His breath caught in his throat, painful and throbbing.

“You mean that?” 

“I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” she said firmly. He felt her legs move to wrap around his hips, locking him in place. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. In fact…” her brow furled as she seemed to be contemplating something. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she seemed to come to a decision. Then, she pressed her palms to her cheeks, making him look at her. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, “What?”

“Shut up,” she muttered, “Before I lose my nerve.” Lose her nerve? She normally said the first thing that came to mind, but she was having trouble now? He smirked, liking the way that she floundered around her words. It was not often that Kana was reduced to quietness. He gave her lips an affectionate nip before she moved his head back, pressing her forehead to his. There was an entire sparkling galaxy within those crimson eyes. This close, he could even see a sprinkling of freckles that dusted across her cheeks. When she finally does speak, she said something that made time stand still. 

“I love you.”

If he was breathless before – he was all but devoid of oxygen now. His heart pounded, blood rushing through his head with a dizzying intensity. He hadn’t heard those words in years. Not since he had laid in Ai’s arms as the light slowly died in her arms. At that time, those words had brought him nothing but despair, had only made the gnawing rage in his heart burn that much brighter. Loving him had never brought anyone anything but death. 

Speaking those words into existence made this real. 

“That’s a bad idea,” he whispered, unsure of what else to say. His heart pounded erratically, his cheeks and head beginning to tingle with a feeling that was equal parts hysterical elation and sorrow. He wanted to throw her out, throw her out of his life before they continued to fall down into this abyss. He wanted to fuck her hard – so hard that he’d carve himself into the very fabric of her being — so hard that she’d never leave him.

He wanted her light to shine for him, and him alone.

“Even if it is, they’re my feelings,” she said, before reaching up to kiss his forehead, and then his cheeks. Such a sweet gesture shouldn’t cause his cock to twitch, needy and, desperate for her -- but it did. It was a yearning that ached. “Are you going to tell me that they’re wrong?”  

Yes.

“No,” he said, heart in his throat. His voice trembled as his eyes squeezed close. They burn. “I just think you could do so much better.” 

“Probably,” she agreed, brushing her fingers beneath his eyes. He hadn’t even realized that they had misted over with tears. She made no comment on them. “But I love you, anyway.”

He kissed her, only because he might really break down if she said that again. She was more than happy to follow his lead, melting into his kisses until he wasn’t sure where he ended or where she began. He felt her reach between them, grasping at his cock as she raised her hips. “Please,” Kana whispered. 

He couldn’t say no to her. 

Aqua’s hips thrust forward as she guided him in, slowly sinking into her. It was tight, her cunt like a vice around him. It was barely inside of her and it already felt so good. Her inner walls were hot and wet, constricting around him as he pushed in — inch by slick inch. He heard her gasp at the intrusion, nails digging into his shoulders, dragging down his back. “Oh, ” she rasped. “That’s–” 

“Does it hurt?” He asked, though he was only half way in and it felt as though he might go mad. It took every ounce of control that he had not to slam in the rest of the way and rut into her like some mindless beast. He peppered kisses along her shoulder, dipping down to nip at the swell of her breast. He had tried to prepare her, but it was still her first time and she was still so much smaller than him. Even now, he worried if she’d be able to take him. “It doesn’t, does it?”

“N-No,” she said, voice shivery. “It’s just – a lot.” 

He couldn’t help but smile against her shoulder. “A lot of what?”

She hit his chest, “J-Just keep going. I’m fine.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kana affirmed sofly. He pushed in further, watching her expression as he did. Crimson eyes locked onto his when he finally bottomed out inside of her. She didn’t look pained, but her face was scrunched up in discomfort, and that simply wouldn’t do. He reached in between them, brushing a thumb over her clit as he withdraw before slowly pushing back in. That seemed to make all of the difference as her breath hitched, back all but arching off of the bed. 

That was more like it.

“You feel so good,” he purred, voice thick with pleasure. Her inner walls are like slick velvet wrapped around him. They vibrated and clenched with each thrust that he made. She was so responsive. “So wet for me,” he continued, feeling her cunt squeeze harder as she squealed. She liked the praise, it seemed. 

He brushed over her clit again, and this time he saw her eyes roll to the back of her head. “Aqua!” She moaned his name – and that name has never sounded more beautiful than it did at that moment. 

“That’s good?” He asked though he knew that it was from the way that she trembled. Something dark and primal curled in his stomach as he thrust harder, wanting to see her come apart beneath him. It felt good, but knowing that it was him giving her such pleasure made it feel even better. She nodded against his shoulder mutely as he slammed into her, each thrust harder than the last. Her breasts bounced with the force of them, and he was unable to resist the urge to move his other hand from her wrists to them. 

He squeezed them, moving to suckle at each nipple as she released another keening moan. “So deep,” she slurred her words, and that only encouraged him. “Do you like it like that?”

“I t-think s-so,” she stuttered, eyes hazy and unfocused. “More,” she begged.

He couldn’t help but feel some pride at having reduced talkative Kana to stuttering, monosyllabic begging. He was the only one to have seen her like this — to have made her like this. “You can take it?” 

“Yes!”

Aqua could feel a ruinous wanting claw at his chest as he moved to oblige her. He took one of her legs, moving it over his shoulder allowing him to sink even deeper inside of her. This time, she all but shrieked so loud that he was a little worried that the neighbors might hear her. He only worried about that for a moment, though setting a pace that left her writhing beneath him. His back stung as her nails drug down along it, cutting into his skin. It was painful but deeply satisfying – a reminder of her rapture.

It didn’t take long until he could feel her coming again. She howled his name, shivers wracking her body as she seemed to lose all control of herself. This orgasm was far more intense than her last, leaving her boneless and bleary-eyed beneath him. It was too bad that he wasn’t anywhere near through with her. “Did you come again?” 

“Y-Yeah,” she was struggling to catch her breath as he set his hand down on her chest. He slowed down his thrusts, the wet, slick sounds of their fucking filling the room. He leaned down, taking her earlobe into his mouth. He was almost as delirious as she was — but he needed so much more. “Good girl,” he whispered, relishing in how she shuddered at those words. “Can you do it again for me?”

Kana trembled, “I – I don’t – think – sensitive – ah – ! ” she tried to convey, but her words dissolve into panting moans as he thrust harder and faster. His tongue dipped into the shell of her ear.

Now that he had a taste, he might never get enough.

How terrifying – the hold she had over him.

“You can,” he encouraged, deliberately hilting within her. He ground his pelvis against her clit while inside and she cried out sharply, her hips raising up off of the bed. He gripped them, holding her in place – making her take every inch of him until she was all but clawing at the blankets beneath her, desperate for some kind of respite.

It wasn’t until he brought her to the brink again, watching as the tears flowed down her cheeks from the intensity of what she was feeling that he was satisfied. “Aqua, Aqua — Aqua —” She chanted his name in a symphony that was just for him.

He was close, he could feel it in the way that his chest tightened, in the way that stars blasted into orbit before his eyes each time his hips met hers. His balls feel hot and heavy as his thrusts become less coordinated and sloppy. She whispered against his ear, her words jumbling out as broken moans. 

More, Please, Don’t stop –

He wouldn’t. 

“–I love you, Aqua – ” He heard her say again and that was enough to shatter him. There was an entire universe that came to life and died within him, exploding into a blast of stardust that left him dizzy. He groaned loudly as he pulled out of her, stroking his cock roughly as thick ropes of his cum shoots out onto her belly and inner thighs. 

He collapsed on top of her once he was done, struggling to catch his breath. He felt her loosely move her arms around him. For a moment, it was as though his thoughts had all but ceased. There was only the sound of soft breaths, and the feeling of her chest rising and falling. Her heart hammered before slowly beginning to calm down. “You should stop saying that,” he scolded her gently. There was no force to his words, however. He was too tired for that.

“Why? It’s true,” Kana yawned as she snuggled up closer to him, as though saying that was now the easiest thing in the world to her. A part of him hated her for that – but there was a larger part of him that felt nothing but affection. She was so honest, it was ridiculous. “You’re heavy,” she informed him. 

He sat up, lying down beside her and she was quick to cuddle close, like she didn’t want to be apart from him for even a moment. He wanted to chastise her for that, but his orgasm left him feeling only a blissful haze.

Right now – his revenge seemed so far away. Kana always made it easy to forget, if only for a little while. She was infuriating in that way, in how she demanded all of his attention and focus when there were other things that he needed to be doing. Even when he was with Akane, she had never been far from his mind.

He chuckled darkly. What a mistake this was. 

He wasn’t allowed to dwell on that for too long before Kana drew his lips to hers, kissing him with a sweetness that chased away those dark thoughts. When she pulled back, her eyes were soft, glittering beneath the warm glow of the nearby lamp. He brushed the bangs out of her eyes and she giggled, euphoric and giddy. The sight of her like this left him struck, as it often did.

Even the darkness of his room wasn't enough to dim her light, and he was helplessly drawn to it, as he always was. 

“So,” she said then, grinning and cutting through his thoughts, “Was I better?”

Aqua blinked sleepily. “What are you talking about?

“Was I better than Akane?” She repeated, and this time he hit her in the face with a pillow, leaving her sputtering. Awful, terrible girl. Was this her idea of pillow talk?

 “Hey!” She protests, only for him to hit her again with the pillow. This time, she retaliates, taking another pillow to hit him as she laughed, the apples of her cheeks growing a deep pink from the exertion. “I made a promise! I needed to follow through.”

“You said you’d be the best I ever had, not that you’d be comparing yourself to Akane,” he reminded her.

Kana pouted petulantly at him, “You didn’t answer that either. ” 

He paused for a moment, giving the illusion of being in deep thought before responding. “I shouldn’t give you high marks right away,” he said, “Not when it’s only been the first time. Ask me again later.” 

She stared at him, her face slowly lighting up. She smiled at him and it was as vibrant as the sun. “So, there'll be a next time?”

Instead of answering her, he kissed her.

This wasn’t something that he should be indulging in – he knew that – but he would take this small respite for as long as he could. He couldn’t let himself love her. Not the way that she truly wanted – there was only one place where his path would lead, and that was to ruin. 

 But for her sake, he could pretend, at least for a little while. 

----

Chapter Text

“I’m not a genius. In anything, I think I’m only here right now because I realized early on that I wasn’t one. But that doesn’t mean that I think that I’m losing! Even a genius will die when stabbed with a knife! This is my way of fighting — Oh, please keep those comments off the record. That metaphor was far too inappropriate. Ah-kun will get mad at me… I’ve always had a foul mouth, but it’s not on purpose… It’s just when I get worked up, I use strong language without thinking… Please cut this part too…” 

----

Hoshino Aquamarine was an enigma.

Or, Kana thought that was what he liked others to believe.

He moved through life while keeping others at arm’s length, donning a taciturn mask meant to give off the illusion of unapproachability. That wasn’t to say that he was entirely beyond Kana’s understanding. He was confusing, yes — but less in the enigmatic way and more in the frustrating way that only hormonal teenage boys could be. He was still a boy around his age, and to her, that meant that he wasn’t nearly as complicated as he made himself out to be. She always thought that he took himself far too seriously, but that was just how Aqua was — a boy whose actions were laden with far more contradictions than mysteries. 

After all, for someone so mysterious and callous he often went out of his way for others even to his own detriment. How else could one rationalize Aqua spilling perhaps one of his biggest secrets for her sake? He wanted to look scary, but despite all of his grandstanding he just wasn’t. She had come to know that well.

She wasn’t so sure that a terrible and aloof person would grow misty eyed during sex — looking like he couldn’t quite believe that someone could love him. 

He’d even gone out of his way to make Sweet Today’s final episode a hit, hadn’t he? She hadn’t expected amazing acting out of him, and yet he had managed to turn that bumbling mess into an episode worthy of praise. He had told Melt-kun, “When it comes to acting, nothing beats emotions, after all. Thanks to that, Arima could give it her all, too.” Had he done all of that to make her shine? She’d been absolutely stumped at the time. She couldn’t remember the last time that someone had ever even considered her talent in such a way. Not since she was a child. 

That was probably the moment that she had fallen for him.

He was always doing something like that — driving her insane, pulling her tugging and screaming into the spotlight, projecting his voice through a megaphone that demanded that others hear the one thing that she had been screaming for over ten years — See me. Acknowledge that I exist. 

How could she not love him? 

He had even revealed such a deeply personal secret to the world for her sake. That had shaken her. It was the kindest thing that someone had ever done for her, even after she had already accepted that she would simply be raked against the coals by the public for her lapse in judgment. After months of silence, Aqua had shown her a level of kindness that left her both utterly bewildered and touched. 

He was always doing things like that. 

 Like now for instance, as he extradited himself from her still naked body to run to the bathroom, emerging with a damp towel that he used to wipe the still wet cum from her belly, thighs, and even in between her legs. She was still a little sensitive there, and she shivered as the cool cloth brushed over her. She watched him, taking in his quiet actions as he cleaned her. “Thank you,” she said with a warm smile. Aqua only nodded, before tossing the towel into the laundry basket near his door before crawling back into bed. Then, she was scooped back into his arms.

Huh. Seemed like he liked to cuddle. 

Another contradiction, considering how prickly he was normally. 

“You know,” Kana found herself saying to fill up the comfortable quiet that had settled over them. “Sex wasn’t really what I was expecting,” she nuzzled her head against his shoulder. His skin ran hot, smelling of pine and fresh linen. He must’ve just washed his sheets before she had come over. He’d probably need to do it again, but she tried not to think about how messy they had made things. Well, messy that she had made things. She hadn’t even known that it was possible to get that wet or to have such an intense orgasm. Now that she wasn’t quite as aroused, she was kind of mortified by her own bodily reactions.

She was pretty sure she had squirted every time she came. That definitely hadn’t happened before, even with her own curious explorations of her own body. The sheets still felt a little damp beneath them, but she tried to ignore it and stuffed down the urge to make a rambling apology. 

Maybe that kind of thing was normal during sex? 

If he minded, Aqua didn’t make it known. His arm tightened around her waist, and she felt his finger lazily drawing circles against the skin of her hip. “What did you expect?”

“For it to hurt a lot more,” she admitted with a pleased hum. She had the urge to kiss his shoulder, and she followed it. She felt his hand give an appreciative squeeze on her hip and she wrestled with the desire to continue talking, sleep, or climb on top of him for a round two. Continuing to talk won out in the end, “I’ve read some erotic novels and first times always suck for the girl. Girls talk to each other about it sometimes too. What it’s like. That kind of thing. Usually, they say it doesn’t feel like much of anything or that it’s painful,” she said, recalling some of the conversations she had participated in with her classmates or other female actresses on set. She had never had much to offer, but she’d listened closely out of curiosity. 

His lips twitched into an amused smile, “So, it didn’t suck for you?”

As if he didn’t know! The damp sheets were evidence of how good that first time had been. Kana hit his arm, “You know it didn’t. Don’t be arrogant.” 

“How would I know that?” He raised a brow at her. Then, he turned onto his side, moving in closer until she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. “You’ll have to elaborate,” he sounded so damn pleased with himself that she wanted to hit him with another pillow, however, she was pretty sure that after their impromptu pillow fight after sex, Aqua had scattered all of the pillows that weren’t currently laying on off of the bed and far out of her reach. 

“I won’t be doing that,” she huffed, knowing what he was aiming for. She didn’t need to inflate his ego even more than it already was. “Oh?” Aqua murmured in a way that had the hair on the back of her neck standing up, especially when she saw the darkness in his eyes — pupils so dilated that it seemed to swallow up the baby blue of his irises. She felt his hand move from her hip down to between her legs, right to her clit. “You won’t?” 

When Kana had asked if there would be a next time — she hadn’t quite expected it to be not even thirty minutes after she and Aqua had sex for the first time, but here they were. Apparently, he didn’t take well to being teased. 

She whimpered, her cunt still so sensitive from their previous session that she found herself moaning the moment that he touched her. His fingertips were rough, but they created such a delicious clenching in her lower belly as they drew small circles around her clitoral hood. “That’s too bad. I’ll have to assume that you didn’t have a good time and that I have to put in much more effort, then.”

“A-Aqua--” What a jerk! 

Her hips twisted, and she found herself gasping as his touches continued. He moved his fingers in a slow and methodical way, watching her expression the entire time. He had always had such intense eyes — eyes that seemed to bore into her skin, penetrating deep beneath the walls that she had so carefully constructed to keep others from looking too closely at the damaged girl beneath. She couldn’t hide from those eyes. 

Nor did she want to.

She only wished that he offered her that same courtesy, opening his heart to her as she had done for him. She wanted to peel back the layers of what made Hoshino Aquamarine and glimpse at what lay buried underneath. 

“You’re so wet,” he murmured against her ear, low and appreciative. The low hum of his voice makes the ache between her legs worsen. She wasn’t ashamed to admit that she had plenty of fantasies starring Aqua in the past. While she didn’t have much experience, she did have a powerful imagination and the raging hormones of a girl right in the springtime of her youth. 

When she was alone at night she would often find her hands drifting lower, thoughts of Aqua running wild in her mind until she had exhausted herself. That yearning refused to abate, a call that could not be ignored no matter how often she tried to put this blonde menace out of her mind.

Of course, nothing compared to reality. 

The roughness of his fingers as he stroked her clit, the heat of his mouth as he traced the shell of her ear with his tongue — or the darkness that colored his voice as he whispered absolute filth into her ear. These were things that she couldn’t have possibly come up with on her own. If she were an instrument, Aqua played her masterfully — tugging at her chords and working her into a crescendo that left her unable to even breathe.

Touching herself had never felt like this. 

“S-Stop saying such e-embarrassing things,” she could barely get out her sentence as she felt two of his fingers sink inside of her. God, she could hear how wet she was. “That’s embarrassing?” He questioned, as though he didn’t already know. She could hear what sounded like the beginning of laughter in his voice, though not quite. Come to think of it, had she ever heard Aqua actually laugh? 

That thought, however, was pushed further from her mind when he continued to speak. “You say that, and yet when I say those things you get so tight here,” he punctuated that statement by purposefully stimulating that wonderful spot inside of her that made her see stars each time he found it. “Are you sure you don’t like it?”

“A-Aqua —“ How was she supposed to respond to that when her body couldn’t stop trembling when the coil inside of her belly wound tighter and tighter with each touch? He inhaled sharply, and she felt him move closer so that she could feel his cock — already hard again pressing right up against her hip. She had thought that men needed time after sex to recover, but Aqua didn’t seem to have that problem. 

“You have to communicate with me, Kana,” What a jerk! There he was — using her words against her again, but she could probably come again just from hearing him say her name like that so it was difficult to hold onto her ire. “M-More—,” she whispered, and really she deserved an award for even being able to say that much when each brush of his fingers made her feel like she really might lose her mind. 

“What was that?”

Asshole!

“You heard me,” she hissed, biting her lip as she felt his palm press up against her clit. He stretched his fingers before scissoring then within her and this time she swore, back arching up off of the bed as her hips grounded desperately, trying to match the rhythm that he set. “You’re normally so direct,” Aqua mused sardonically. “Why can’t you clearly ask for what you want now?”

Goddamnit, he was relentless like this. She really hated him — and she nearly told him that until she felt him curl his fingers forward, the tips of his fingers dragging against her inner walls and she felt like she might break. “T-Then t-touch me more!” she yelled, unable to stop the wobbly tremor of her voice. 

“That sounds more like a demand rather than a request.”

She was really going to kill him. “I-I’m not b-begging you —,” She had all kinds of colorful things that she could call him, but all that came out of her mouth was a garbled whine when she felt his lips latch onto her nipple. He rolled his tongue over it, fingers moving faster. Everything felt so hot -- like she was boiling inside; like she was an asteroid burning fast against the harsh atmosphere of the Earth. 

“You really should learn to speak with more respect,” he reminded her, moving to suckle at her other nipple. “Especially when I’m being so nice.”

Nice?! This was his idea of being nice?!

If she weren’t on the verge of one of those most powerful orgasms of her life she would’ve laughed right in his face. 

He looked anything but nice right now — looking down at her with those dark, heated eyes. She felt almost as though she were being hunted, pinned down, and at the mercy of a stalking beast. 

He looked like he would devour her if he could. 

“Kana,” he whispered her name again — and it was rough on his tongue, heavy with desire. She shuddered, hazy with pleasure.  She didn’t think she’d ever get enough of him saying her name. Especially like that . For once, she didn’t care about winning — she would allow herself to lose just this one time, as long as he only looked at her like this.  “Please,” she said, giving in. “Please, make me come.” She could be mortified about surrendering and practically begging him to get her off later . 

He moistened his lips with his tongue, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. 

“Understood,” he drawled, fingers moving even faster. He was brutal with the pace that he set. She would’ve wondered how he could do this without getting a cramp in his arm if not for the mind-numbing bliss that clouded her mind. Her eyes filled with tears, and she tugged at the blankets on his bed if only to find purchase on something. This was everything that she needed — and yet it was also much too much — 

“Breathe, Kana,” Aqua coaxed, his other hand moving to rest on her chest. “In through your nose.” Had she not been breathing? She couldn’t be sure, but she inhaled sharply from his command. It was like she had been floating in the empty vacuum of space. She hadn’t even realized that her lungs had been burning from exertion until the oxygen filled her lungs. Ah. He’d said her name again and even something as simple as that seemed to knock her that much closer to the edge. “Good girl.”

FuckFuckFuck—

She shouted, twisted, and nearly screamed as she came, shooting stars dancing before her eyes.  She couldn’t control the tremors that wracked her body. They seemed to go on and on, waves of euphoria washing over her more powerfully than a stellar blast, every neuron in her body alive and alight. 

It was too much — the way his fingers moved even through her orgasm, the way he kissed her to swallow the sounds of her pleasure, as though her cries tasted sweeter than candy. 

“You did so well,” he praised, moving down to nip at her throat and she shuddered again. “— So good for me,” and when he spoke like that she felt like she could come again, even if she wasn’t sure if her body could take it. 

“Was I…,” she wet her lips with her tongue nervously, thoughts muddled and mushed together as she spoke. “… a good girl for you?”

She almost cringed the moment those words were out of her mouth. Post-orgasm bliss had her saying the most humiliating things and she found herself wishing that the ground would open to swallow her up.

 He stiffened against her, a soft swear falling from his lips as he did. His cock twitched against her hip. “Yeah,” he breathed hotly against her throat. “ My good girl,” he said — and really, he had to be the most unfair man on the planet. Awful — he was really the worst. She whimpered, clinging to him as another powerful wave of arousal rolled through her. 

When he withdrew his fingers from her cunt, he looked as though he were about to lick them clean again, but he stopped as another idea popped into his head. He held those slick fingers up to her lips and her eyes widened as she realized what he wanted from her. “Will you keep being good for me?” He asked, voice rougher than leather. 

Fuck. She’d do anything that he asked when he said it like that.

Slowly, she leaned forward, capturing his fingers in between her lips. Her tongue slid along the digits, tasting the saltiness of her own arousal on her tongue. It wasn’t exactly great to her — but the look in his eyes as she tasted herself only urged her on as she wrapped her hand around his wrist, lewdly sucking on his fingers until they were completely clean. 

He looked stunned and she smiled as she drew his fingers out of her mouth. “You’re incredible,” he said, skin growing red — like he couldn’t quite stop those words. Kana flushed darkly; taking compliments was still something that was difficult for her. She forced a laugh, conjuring all of the false bravado that she could muster up. 

“You think so?” She asked, growing red beneath his soft gaze. 

“...I’ve always have,” he admitted, and somehow, that admission left her more flustered than everything else that they had just done. “You’re amazing.”

Kana didn’t think it was possible to feel so elated — like her heart was about to beat right out of her chest, like she might just jump out of her skin if he kept saying those things. She averted her eyes from him and looked up at the ceiling. He’d said more or less the same when he had been masquerading as Pieyon, but this time it was a little easier to believe him, however, old habits died hard.  “Now you’re laying it on thick. I’m not amazing.”

“You are.”

“Y-You’re just trying to butter me up,” she grumbled to herself. “You and I both know that I’m nothing special—“

Her words were muffled as he kissed her. 

It left fire raging in her belly as she clung to him. He swallowed her doubts, leaving her dazed when he finally drew back. “You are,” he said again — more firmly, leaving no room for further discussion. 

She grew redder, if that were possible. Geez, what was going on with him?

She fell quiet  and it took some time for her to finally come down from her high, vaguely aware of Aqua softly stroking her belly.  

“Amazing or not, I think you might be trying to kill me,” she murmured once her brain no longer felt like mush, eliciting a chuckle from him. That good girl thing had really done something for her, but she didn’t want to think too hard about that right now. Now that she wasn’t coming, it was just embarrassing. When he praised her in that dark, throaty tone of his it was like some kind of switch in her was flipped. She flushed hotly. Yeah. She definitely wasn’t going to analyze that anytime soon. 

“They do call orgasms ‘the little death’ in France,” he said, once again supplying her with information that he had pulled from somewhere in that massive brain of his. 

“I don’t think people were meant to have four ‘little deaths’ in a row,” she yawned, her body feeling utterly exhausted. She could feel Aqua’s cock, hard and leaking pressing against her. Even if her body felt like jello, it was clear that he was still rearing to go. She didn’t think that she’d be getting much rest tonight. 

“No? Isn’t that one of the perks of being a woman? Multiple orgasms?” He said, sounding amused. “Four, huh?” He seemed pleased. 

She hadn’t meant to say that. Dammit. “Oh, you’re going to be a nightmare about that, aren’t you?” 

He only hummed in response. “I’m just making sure your first time is a memorable one. You were kind of vague in your description.”

“Jerk,” she said, but her insult lacked her signature bite. “What do you want me to say? That I didn’t think anything could feel like that? That it was amazing? That I can barely feel my legs right now?”

“Yes, actually.”

Kana groaned, covering her face with her hands. 

“You’re the worst.”

“You’re not wrong about that,” he agreed, those blue eyes looking almost pitch black in a way that made her breath seize in her throat. He climbs on top of her again. “Now,” then,” He began and she saw him stroke his cock. “Ready for orgasm number 5?” 

She flushed. Yeah. She definitely wasn’t sleeping tonight.

----

Kana was pretty sure that Aqua was some kind of sex demon. That was really the only logical explanation for the sex marathon that he had put her through that night. Muscles that she hadn’t even realized existed were sore and aching. 

How did Kurosawa Akane keep up with this for nearly a year? She thought. Aqua had said that it had only been a few times, but she wasn’t sure she believed that at all after what he had just put her through. She didn’t allow that thought train to last long, however, before she was outright cringing at the thought of the two of them engaging in sex. Yeah. Absolutely not. She was not letting her thoughts head in that direction.  

By the time sunlight began to filter into Aqua’s room, she was grateful that she didn’t have anything booked into her schedule today. In between B-Komachi’s activities as she prepared to graduate and rehearsal for The 15-Year-Lie, as well as projects that she was collaborating on with Shima-san, she didn’t have much free time these days. While it was a relief to be so busy after having no acting jobs for so long, she was grateful for the rare free day.

— Because it felt like she would need the entire day just to recover. 

She woke up before Aqua after perhaps two hours of sleep. Not even the endless dancing and singing practice while preparing for the Japan Idol Festival had left her this exhausted. She turned her head but felt the soft strands of Aqua’s hair brushing against her face. He had his arms wrapped around her, head nuzzled against her shoulder as he slept. She took a moment to just look at him. 

It wasn’t often that she was given the chance to stare unabashedly at him, and especially not from this close. 

His skin was smooth and pale, eyelashes long and full. Some girls would kill for lashes like that. They made him look almost doll-like, or like each lash had been carefully and painstakingly painted onto his eyelids with the loving strokes of an artist’s brush. Like whatever deity that had crafted his image adored him. As a child, he had looked quite cherubic, but now that beauty had matured into something that was quite difficult to draw one’s gaze from. 

He looked peaceful — in fact, she couldn’t remember ever seeing Aqua look so at ease. His face was often beset with heaviness, lips drawn down by anchors and eyes sharp, as though his very gaze could cut through skin and bone. But now, his features had softened, strands of golden hair falling to the side and sweeping over his eyes. She wanted to run her fingers through them, but she also didn’t want to wake him up just yet.

Kana wanted to memorize this moment — the way that he looked as the rays of sunlight dusted over his cheeks casting an almost hazy glow around him — like she memorized the lines of a script that she was especially passionate about. She wanted to run her fingers along the words that filled the pages of his story and become as familiar with them as she would a well-loved book. 

The question was — would he let her?

Even after last night, there were still a lot of unknowns in their new relationship. She hadn’t really been thinking all that clearly after that kiss and while she didn’t regret sleeping with him, post-sex clarity left her feeling somewhat anxious. Currently, their relationship remained undefined. He liked her (he really liked her!) but did he want more than this? More than sex?  

Her stomach twisted anxiously at that thought. 

And then there was his interview, she thought solemnly. That still remained unresolved. He hadn’t even denied a thing when she confronted him. He’d doubled down, saying things that had frankly scared her. He spoke so coldly about his own feelings. dismissive and callous as though his own feelings were nothing but a burden to him.

Kana knew that he had been through a lot. She couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like to lose his mother in such an awful way, but he often kept his true feelings tightly guarded. He never fully dropped that mask of forced indifference he wore, making it difficult to uncover what he really thought or really felt. 

There was something boiling beneath the surface of Hoshino Aqua, something acidic and vicious that would eventually consume him if it hadn’t already. 

She didn’t want that. 

Kana had never seen him look the way that he did in that interview — eyes dead and cold, and yet holding a kind of magnetism that you couldn’t look away from. Like a black hole. 

“Acting is my form of revenge,” he’d said as he looked directly into the camera and dread had seized her heart. 

Did he really look at acting that way? 

Aqua was an incredible actor, able to throw himself into any role and make it his in a way that even she couldn’t help but admire. Seeing his acting as a child had been her driving force for many years even before meeting him once again as teenagers. First, she had pushed herself for the sake of the rivalry that she had created in her own head — before it turned into something else -- motivation, perhaps? A need to redeem herself for being shown up by him? To be as good as he was?

And yet — he’d spoken as though he hated acting, the thing she loved so much — as though it caused him physical pain. Or torment. 

She’d seen it once before — while performing in Tokyo Blade. His acting was rife with emotion, but filled with misery so poignant that it even made her heart wretch to even bear witness to it. 

Kana grimaced at the thought, this time, unable to stop herself from reaching over and cupping his cheek with her hand. His skin was warm and soft to the touch. She rubbed her thumb along his cheek until he lifted his hand, covering her hand with his own. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, and she considered kissing his eyelids but held off. 

Ugh. She was becoming so mushy. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kana asked quietly. Her eyes flicked to the nearby digital clock on Aqua’s nightstand. It read 6:00 am. It was so early. She normally slept in on rest days. “I usually wake up this early,” he responded, eyes opening, still cloudy with sleep. 

“You really are an old man.” 

“You can be rude this early in the morning?” 

“I’m tired and grumpy. It’s not like you really let me sleep,” she shot back in response. “I’m basically wide awake right now. Who can sleep when they’re so sore, anyway?” Yep. He’d kept her up again — just like the night before the JIF concert. He was such a pain in the ass. The last traces of sleep left his eyes as he sat up on his elbow, looking at her with those penetrating eyes. He lightly took her hand from his cheek, setting it down and she squirmed. “What?”

“Where are you sore?” 

“You know where I’m sore,” she muttered, honestly, the nerve of this guy. “But besides that, my arms and legs are pretty sore.” She was pretty flexible and athletic, but he had put her body through the wringer. While she didn’t mind at the time, she was definitely paying for it now. 

She didn’t expect Aqua to swiftly move, grabbing her calf and lifting it up. She yelped. “Wait! Mercy! I’m tagging out! I can’t go again!” She yelled, reaching between her legs to cover her crotch. Aqua rolled his eyes. “You can relax. I’m not trying to do it again. Even I get tired.”

“Are you sure?” She asked suspiciously. “You could have fooled me.”

“As I recall, you didn’t complain much,” he deadpanned, moving to her side as he motioned for her to stretch out her legs. She did so cautiously, watching as he laid his hand on her thigh. “Hey!”

“It’s not about that,” he reassured. “Is it sore here?” He used his hands to rub up and down her thigh, massaging the skin. It didn’t seem like he was trying to stimulate her, though — as there was a soothing pressure that seemed to ease some of the pain and stiffness in her muscles. 

She watched him work curiously, growing more relaxed as the pain began to ease. “You’re good at that,” she commented. “Are you secretly training to be a masseuse in your free time?”

“No,” he answered even though her question wasn’t really a serious one. He paused, thinking. “I volunteered at a hospital one summer a few years ago. We would sometimes have to massage patients to promote blood flow — or relieve pain for injured athletes.” His eyes drifted back to hers. “Is it helping?”

He moved down to her calf, applying the same techniques and love swelled in her heart. She could feel her throat seize as tears threatened to fall, but she held them back. When was the last time someone had done something so kind for her? It had probably last been her childhood, when her mother had wrapped her in her arms and praised her for doing well in her last film before her popularity began to wane. 

Mama had always swaddled her in love and affection, but that adoration had dried up the moment her acting roles began to. She barely even called anymore. 

“Yes,” her voice trembled. “It is,” she said, falling in love with him a little more. 

“W-Why did you volunteer to work at a hospital?” She asked, trying to calm herself even though she felt like she might burst out of her skin, launch herself at him and tell him how much she loved him until she embarrassed herself. She held back on that, watching him work out the soreness in her leg before moving to the other one. He looked so focused, taking his time to knead her muscles and soothe the aches. 

There was a moment of silence as Aqua pursed his lips. “I… have thought about becoming a doctor before.”

Kana’s eyes widened. “Really? I never would have guessed that!”

His lips twitched, “Do you think it doesn’t seem like me?”

“Not that,” she shook her head as he moved to massage the soles of her feet. Damn. He was really good at that. “I mean, you’re probably smart enough for it. I’ve just never heard you express that interest before. Why a doctor?”

“… I suppose that I wanted to help people. Mend what was broken.” 

She smiled, “All that stuff about not being able to love, and turns out you’re a big softie. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Kana winked at him, causing him to grow silent again, expression contemplative. 

“Is that how you really see me?” He mused, running his hand down along her calves. The pressure he applied was pleasant. Very pleasant. She tried to ignore the building desire that pooled at the apex of her thighs. She would look quite silly for initiating that after making such a big show of how tired she was. She also wasn’t sure how she felt about initiating sex, to begin with. Weren’t girls supposed to be more submissive? Would he think she was strange if he knew that she often wanted it badly? 

Kana huffed. That was a concern for another time. 

“I’m not sure if your assessment is an accurate one.” This comment made her blink.. He was frowning as he focused on his work — meticulous and engrossed, but with a furrowed brow, as though her answer bothered him or he couldn’t make sense of it.  “I’m not soft. Nor am I a good person.” 

Did he really think that poorly of himself? She looked at him — really looked at him

Kana frowned.

“Why are you so desperate to be the bad guy?”

Her question caught him off guard, and he looked at her with an almost stunned expression. His hands stilled, which was fine. He had already worked out nearly all of the soreness. “What?”

“It’s like—“ Kana’s frown deepened as she thought, “Like you want people to hate you. When you push them away and act all cold and indifferent. That’s the impression I got last night… and when you were avoiding me.” She had thought that he hated her until he had said that what he felt for her was the “opposite” and she was left to contemplate the meaning of those words for months after.  

“You were trying to protect me the entire time, right? You really should have opened your mouth and said something, but that doesn’t seem like something someone terrible would do.” His heart had been in the right place, at least even if she was still sore about it. 

He was silent, still processing her words. Then, he spoke. “Would a good person use the people around him to achieve their goals?”

Kana blinked, “Huh?”

“Do good people use others?” He rephrased. “Do they manipulate friends and family if it benefits them?”

“…Do you feel like you use people?” She questioned in response, trying to understand. 

“…”

She reached over, closing her hand into a fist and gently tapping her closed knuckles against his forehead. 

“Aqua?” She said softly. “Earth to Aqua? Are you still there?” 

“Yes,” he said firmly, blue eyes sharpened like the jagged edge of broken glass. He took her hand into his, fingers encircling her wrist. He squeezed firmly, but not enough to hurt, using his thumb to rub small circles along her pulse point. His hand was much larger than hers. If he applied pressure, she was sure that he could snap her wrist easily. Such a strange thought to have, but his dark musings left her somewhat on edge — but more worried. “I do it often,” he said, responding to her previous question. “There is something that I have to do. I will use anyone that I have to in order to do it. Do good people do that?”

“What are you actually trying to say?” She asked — because he was talking in circles, alluding to but not actually directly saying whatever it was that he meant to. 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

He sounded dull and flat, the same way that he had sounded the previous night. Kana didn’t like that. While she didn’t think that anything had been outright solved last night, she liked to think that she had made significant progress with him. Or perhaps she was simply being naive again in thinking that the sex had perhaps meant more to him.

Don’t think about that right now, she scolded herself.

Kana sighed heavily, all previous arousal chased away by the turn in their conversation. “I don’t know,” she admitted carefully. “I don’t think that it’s good to use people, but I guess my final answer would depend on what your reason for doing that might be,” she considered. How had he used people? She couldn’t think of any instances that came to mind, at least not that she knew of. “What is it that you’re trying to do?” 

He didn’t answer her, making her huff. She shoved him lightly. “Don’t just say cryptic things and then go quiet on me!” 

“It’s not something you need to know about,” he said roughly. She glared at him, “Then why even bring it up, Mr. Gloomy?!” 

Aqua’s eye twitched in annoyance. “...Gloomy?” He’d reacted more or less the same way when she had called him that during their reconciliation. Whatever. He had to know how he behaved. There was no need for him to be so surprised! 

“Yes, gloomy! Now spill! What are you talking about?” 

His expression clouded over, growing stormy and conflicted. He didn’t want to tell her the truth, that much was clear, but she would be damned if she allowed him to clam up again after all of this. It felt a little strange to be having this entire conversation while naked, but she ignored that, staring back at him with a stubborn determination. She wouldn’t just drop this. 

“...There’s someone that I want to make suffer,” he finally said. His brow grew creased.“That’s all that you need to know.”

Kana pursed her lips. Someone he wants to make suffer?  

“Who?”

He didn’t answer — as tight-lipped as ever, much to her annoyance. 

She took a deep breath. It’s fine, she thought. She wouldn’t get sore over him suddenly clamming up. He had already given her a lot more information than she had been expecting to get. She’d learned more about him in the last 5 minutes than she had in the two years that they had known each other; she had to be appreciative of that even if she wanted to push him even further. Besides, she could pull the rest out of him in due time. 

Still, she couldn’t deny that she was out of her element with this conversation. 

It seemed that she hadn’t been wrong in her assessment that Aqua wasn’t just “fine,” as he had tried to assure her during the conversation they had after he had revealed his mother’s secret to the world. Details about Ai’s murder had been kept from the public, but losing a mother in such a brutal way would be difficult for anyone. She had been abandoned by her mother — the woman who would rather hide away in the countryside than even look at her failure of a daughter, but even she couldn’t imagine how she would feel if she knew that her mother had been murdered, snatched away from her right at the pinnacle of her life. All of that pain had clearly gone into writing The 15-Year-Lie.

She’d been stunned when she had first read the script that he had written along with Gotanda-san. It was like every line of dialogue, every action and moment was filled with malicious intent, oozing with fury and indignation. This was a project that was meant to enrage -- to infuriate anyone who gazed upon it. It was a story about Ai, after all -- and she had been a star. A star whose light had exploded and shattered into a blaze that seared anyone close to the blast radius with a permanent scar. 

It was the fate of all stars to die, after all -- but that star had died far too soon. 

Who had earned that level of contempt? 

Obviously, her killer — but that person had already long since died, hadn’t they? Kana pursed her lips at that thought, lips pinching downward. Though, the 15-Year-Lie painted the picture that the blame for Ai’s murder didn’t solely rest on the stalker’s shoulders. 

Her eyes grew wide. 

The true culprit was someone with far more power and influence than the pathetic university student who had been manipulated into killing her. Someone who had been close enough to Ai to implicitly trust them. Someone who had betrayed that trust in the worst possible way. 

Then — perhaps it was… 

Oh, Aqua. 

The puzzle pieces that had been laid out within that script came together as neatly as a blade slicing cleanly through soft flesh. It was an awful possibility to consider, but it was clear that Aqua had long since come to the same conclusion. 

His father. 

It seemed inconceivable to her — that someone who had clearly cared for Ai enough to give her two children would be the one who ended her life. Or maybe he hadn’t cared at all — she couldn’t imagine that he loved her at all if he had her murdered, leaving his children motherless. 

How would she feel if it were her father?

She would probably want to make him suffer, too. However, the question remained to what extent did Aqua want to make his father suffer? Was it enough to ruin his reputation? Or did Aqua want more than that?

He didn’t elaborate and she felt too unnerved to push. 

Unsure of what else to say, she asked, “Then, why do you want them to suffer?” 

“Because they deserve to,” he said firmly — as though his words were the absolute truth. There was no room for any other alternative for him. There was an undercurrent to his voice, one laced with a rage that was so cold that it burned like dry ice —

— but even more than that, there was pain. 

He trembled with it, releasing her wrist as his hands balled into fists at his sides. He seemed to curl into himself, shoulders hunched over and teeth gritted tight. She knew that feeling well -- pain so deep and ingrained that it cloaked a person like a second skin — like armor. 

Had he worn that armor since his mother died, all those years ago?

Had he been left all alone as well?  

She sat up, previous soreness forgotten as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She felt him grow tense in his arms before he inhaled sharply and all but crushed her against him. His head pressed against her chest, and he clung to her as though she might disappear the moment he released her. His voice was raw, “You shouldn’t…”

“You’re so silly,” Kana gently chided, “I shouldn’t what? Hold you?” They’d already had sex. It seemed ridiculous for him to worry about something as minuscule as a hug. 

“Trust me,” he elaborated. “You shouldn’t trust me.”

Kana clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Yep. Definitely silly.” 

He looked at her almost like he couldn’t quite believe that she was real. Like she was some mysterious creature that he couldn’t quite understand. His eyes were wide and unfocused, before hardening as his lips drew down into a deep frown. 

“I’ve used you, too,” he admitted in a rush, angry at her dismissiveness. This made her pause, but only for a moment. She didn’t release him, instead combing her fingers through his soft golden hair. Sometimes, he looked like something ethereal and otherworldly, like he didn’t quite belong in this world — like he’d slip right through her fingertips, disappearing into smoke the moment she tried to grasp him too tightly. 

“How?”

“I pressured you into becoming an idol—“

“I’m going to stop you right there,” She said sharply, “I already told you this before -- no one pressured me into doing anything. I can make my own decisions. I was apprehensive about it at first, yes, but where would I have been had I not become an idol? Nowhere. That’s where. I hate to admit it, but I would have long been forgotten as a talent if I hadn’t joined B-Komachii. You’re so full of yourself.”

“Full of myself?” He sounded stupefied, and while he was partly right about why she had joined B-Komachii she also wasn’t about to let him martyr himself about it. For someone so intelligent, she’d noticed that he was all too eager to pin the blame on himself every chance that he got. Hadn’t that been why he had avoided her all that time? Some misguided attempt to protect her? Still, how self-centered could a person get?

Her eyes softened. 

It’s not up to you to fix everyone’s problems, stupid.

“Yes. You’re not that special that I’d make such a big decision based solely on pressure from you,” she tugged on his ear. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I never said that you were. But you were a seventeen-year-old girl — susceptible to influence—“

“What are you mentally 40 or something?” Aqua stuttered in response, nearly choking on his words as though what she had said had really flustered him or something. He was so weird.  “You were sixteen, so what’s your point? Do I need to worry about if I pressured you into doing things that you didn’t want to do, too since I’m older than you?”

He drew away from her, lips pulled into a deep frown again. “That’s not the same.” He hadn’t released her yet, arms still wrapped tightly around her midsection. She hated to admit it, but his reluctance to let her go even in the midst of a full-blown rant was endearing. 

“Isn’t it, though?” She questioned, glaring back at him. He kept pressing this issue. It was almost like he wanted her to be angry with him. “That’s not the only time,” he tried again, though it was clear that he was beginning to lose steam. 

“Yeah? Why don’t you tell me when else you used me, then?” Her eyes narrowed, as a thought struck her. “Unless you just used me for sex—”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he said abruptly, sounding offended that she had even suggested that. “This… isn’t just sex for me,” he reassured, flustered, averting his gaze down to his lap and away from her. That embarrassed him? What an emotionally constipated guy. “Even I wouldn’t go that far.”

 Kana rolled her eyes. So, he was apparently a monster with morals? “Then, what did you do that was so bad?” 

Her question lingered in the air — and it was clear that he had no idea how to respond to her. He gaped openly, looking so much like a gasping guppie that she almost laughed. She didn’t, holding back but giving him a small smile. “Can’t think of anything?” 

Aqua continued to stare, at least until he seemed to give up, releasing a heavy sigh of resignation. “You’re…so difficult,” he said finally, eyes narrowing at her. His glare was usually cold enough to freeze anyone who happened to fall beneath it in their tracks, but this one lacked its usual frigid bite. A parody of a scowl, really. Like he was having trouble holding onto that bitter rage.   “It’s impossible to argue with you. Infuriating.” 

 “Sounds like the pot is calling the kettle black,” she smirked at him, pulling him back toward her. She held him close, pressing her nose into his soft hair. She kissed his scalp, then brushed his bangs out of the way to kiss his forehead, too. She heard his breath stutter in his throat. 

“You’re like an annoying chipmunk,” he said unkindly, rude as usual. He reached up and pinched her cheeks in between his fingers, tugging on them. “—Always squeaking about something you know nothing about.” 

“And you’re a gloomy narcissist. You know edginess isn’t a personality trait, right?” They were only a breadth of an inch apart from each other now — and she can feel the heat of his breath on her lips. This close, she could see the red bruise that she had sucked onto the side of his throat. It was probably a bad idea to leave marks like that, but she couldn’t deny that there was a vicious side of her that wanted to imprint herself physically onto him as he had done to her mentally for the last two years. 

“There’s that bad attitude,” he murmured. “What kind of idol are you?”

A terrible one , she thought, eyes drifting down to his mouth. What were you thinking asking me to be one? She wasn’t chaste or innocent. No, she’d thrown away her virginity the first chance that she had gotten to him, hadn’t she? She didn’t even feel the slightest bit bad about it. Her eyes flicked to his mouth, swollen and red from where she had bitten in the throes of pleasure. She wanted to kiss his lips again — drink the sadness and pain from him until she was full and aching with it.  

“You say my attitude is bad, but you’re an antagonistic jerk who thinks that the world revolves around him. Hey, isn’t it time for you to grow out of 8th-grade syndrome? You’re 18 now.” 

He fell quiet again, simply holding her. Instead of dignifying her previous comment with a response, Aqua pushed her back down onto the bed. It happened so quickly that Kana could only look up at him and blink as her wrists were pinned down above her head. 

“Huh?”

“You’re always saying whatever you want,” he murmured, but his normally flat voice was trembling. From what — she wasn’t sure. “But, I think I’ve luckily found an effective method to shut you up.” 

Kana grew pale,“W-Wait a second!” She squealed, “You said you weren’t trying to have sex!” Oh no. He had that look in his eye. The same look that he’d had last night when he’d made her feel things that she hadn’t even thought were possible.”W-We haven’t even finished our conversation yet!” There was a lot more she wanted to ask him about — like about his father — or other instances in which he used people — but he didn’t look like he cared in the slightest.

To his credit, Aqua did make a show of considering her plea, but only for a moment. “That was then. This is now.” 

“What the hell does that even mean?!”

Kana wasn’t sure if she was shivering from anticipation or fear. It was clear that another marathon was incoming.

He smiled down at her, dark amusement and something that she couldn’t quite place a name to shining in his blue eyes, but whatever it was smoldered. “Why don’t we find out together?”

She really was lucky that Ruby and Miyako-san had stayed out tonight. By the time he was done with her, she was positive that the entire neighborhood had heard her. 

----

It felt like ages before Aqua finally allowed Kana to crawl out of bed. However, to her disbelief, the digital clock only read that it was 8:00 AM.

That’s insane, she thought dizzily. It feels more like half the day has passed, but it's only been two hours?!

“Go shower. The hot water will help with your muscle aches,” Aqua encouraged gently, like he wasn’t the reason she felt like she had just finished the most intense workout session of her life. She glared at him nastily, which he ignored. “You should use the bathroom too.” 

Kana made a face, “Why?”

“Women should always urinate after sex. You can get a urinary tract infection otherwise,” he said seriously. “Go now.”

“Ugh. Hold your horses,” she grumbled as she stood up. “How do you even know that?”

“It’s basic sex education,” he said with a shrug. “It’s important to be safe.”

She looked at him in pure disbelief. “You say that and yet we didn’t even use a condom all those times!” Kana pointed out with narrowed eyes. 

“I pulled out,” he said, but his brow furled as though he was getting a bit worried. She rolled her eyes. Clearly, he’d been thinking with his dick. 

“If we’re talking about ‘basic sex ed,’” she said as used her fingers to make quotation marks, “Then you know that’s not really all that reliable. You’re lucky I’m on birth control!”

“You are?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not very common.”

“My cramps are killer. It was either get on them or be unable to work for a week every month,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. Her periods had been pretty debilitating as a young teen, and eventually, her mother had pulled all kinds of strings to get her on the pill so that she could work. She wasn’t really a fan of being hunched over for an entire week, so she continued the regimen even after her mother had gone off to live with her grandparents. 

“That’s lucky.”

“For you,” Kana rolled her eyes as she stood up, wincing as she did. “Anyway, I’m going to the bathroom so you don’t give me a weird infection. Happy now?”

“Ecstatic,” he said dryly before he hummed in thought. “Do you have any extra clothes here? Things that you might’ve left with Ruby the last time you stayed the night?” 

The red-haired girl perked up at that reminder, “Yes, actually! It’s easier to just leave some clothes here than constantly needing to bring a change of clothes.” It was a lot more efficient that way, at least. 

“Do you know where Ruby keeps them?”

“The top drawer to the right of her dresser,” she responded. “I can go get them on my way to the shower--”

“It’s fine. I’ll handle it. Just go relax,” he stood up from bed, completely ignoring his nudity as he walked over to one of his drawers to pull out a pair of loose sleeping pants. She lingered in the doorway of his room to watch him —  her eyes drawn to the outline of his back and the lithe muscles that rippled beneath with each movement he took, the curve of his ass. 

He was really attractive. It was almost unfair. Kana bit her bottom lip, tempted to go for what was probably round 10 (she had lost count), but resisted. Who knew when Miyako and Ruby would be returning, and it would be bad to be caught like that, right?

She’d been complaining earlier too, hadn’t she?

“What are you staring at?” He asked, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. He’d pulled his pants up but they hung low on his hips. His lips twisted upward into a slight smirk, “Something you like?”

“No! Don’t flatter yourself!” She lied quickly, red-faced as she skittered out of his room, slamming the door behind her, all but bolting toward the direction of the bathroom. Luckily, the Hoshinos kept extra towels in the pantry for guests, so she wouldn’t need to ask Aqua and potentially be mauled again. 

Or do the mauling herself. 

It really could go either way. 

With that in mind, she forced herself to calm her annoying hormones down. There just wasn’t time for that now — or at least, they would really be pushing it if they tried. Though, Aqua hadn’t specified when his surrogate mother and Ruby would return. If they were returning later in the day, then there could possibly be time for another round —

What is wrong with me?! 

Kana’s cheeks burned, an almost painful ache building between her legs that had nothing to do with soreness. It was as though Aqua had switched some kind of switch inside of her and her mind had been replaced with that of some horny pervert. She clapped her hands against her cheeks. Relax, she told herself. You’re being ridiculous. 

 Still flustered, she used the bathroom before hopping into the shower. As Aqua had said, the hot water had immediately helped with some of her aches and pains, soothing her overextended muscles. She used Ruby’s apple-scented shampoo to wash her hair, though she was tempted to use Aqua’s. She had always liked the way that his hair smelled when she caught whiffs of it whenever she happened to be close. It was a crisp and fresh scent -- like mint mixed with peppermint, spicy but fragrant. She was sentimental enough to want to smell like him, at least for a little while, but rationality and mortification at her own foolish thoughts won out in the end.

…. Still …maybe next time. 

Kana worked her hair into a soapy lather as the water poured over her, the gentle patter of the spray hitting the tiled flooring of the shower also gave her room to finally think.

Or — panic as reality set in. 

A lot had changed in a single night.

Her heart pounded in her chest, beating rabbit-fast as her thoughts raced. 

She felt giddy and excited. 

She was also terrified out of her goddamn mind. 

Where did they go from here? 

She had never even dated someone — and now she found herself entangled in some kind of sexual relationship with Aqua. She hadn’t thought that anything like this would happen when she had decided to visit him last night. It wasn’t like her spending time with him at his home was all that out of the ordinary. She was over there all of the time for B-Komachi activities, and she’d been serious about keeping things strictly limited to the friendship between them. Kana had grown tired of expecting more, only to be met with endless disappointment.

And Aqua was good at that — raising her hopes up only to crush them utterly beneath his heel like he was smashing a bug. Being ignored by him for nearly a year had put things in perspective for her. As angry as she was at his rejection, losing his companionship had been even worse. Somewhere along the line, Kana had come to depend on him even if she wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe he was something to strive toward. 

A goal. 

If someone like him believed in her, then it was possible that she wasn’t actually the washed-up failure that most believed her to be now that she’d grown up into a vulgar and foul-mouthed adult. He was always there right when she needed him, coaxing her out of the finely crafted shell that she had built for herself and into the center stage. She was fine to sit back — let others shine as long as she got to bask in the stray rays of their glow. 

That wasn’t enough for Aqua, though — and maybe it wasn’t enough for her either. The joy of being front and center, in drawing the adoring gaze of an audience was not something easily forgotten. 

You want to shine too, don’t you?

She did — and he had dug out all of those long buried desires. Dreams that she thought had died long ago inside of her along with her fame. 

It was sobering to realize that she needed her friend back a lot more than she needed a boyfriend. 

And now, things were even more muddled than they had been before. 

Kana washed herself, imagining that the soap instead cleansed away her confusion and fears. Aqua had cornered her, kissed her, and irrevocably changed their relationship in a matter of minutes — and she’d been far too weak to resist those advances. How could she, when she’d been pining after him for this long? When the very thought of him had kept her from sleeping with Shima-san, even if she knew that doing so would have been more beneficial to her career? One kiss and she’d all but thrown herself at him. 

Her insides churned.

She knew what she wanted. It was him — it’d been him since she’d run into him again in the hallways of Youtoo Academy. It’d been him since Sweet Today — since she’d promised to dye all of his glow sticks white. No — it’d probably been him since she was 4 years old and he’d shown her that she was nothing more than a very big fish in a small pond, even if she hadn’t recognized it at that time. 

Kana wanted more . She wanted to wake up to him, just as she had today, curled up against him while he held her like she was something precious. She wanted him to trust her the way that she trusted him, to hold him as he opened himself up to her. She wanted to see him — the real him, not the person who had looked into that camera and lied — not the person who claimed he was incapable of love like some kind of defective monster. 

A heavy lump formed in her throat, eyes becoming itchy and agitated. What if he changes his mind again? She wondered, growing still as the nearly scalding water beat against her skin. It wouldn’t be the first time that he had, and just like that she could feel her joy turn to ash in her mouth. 

If he changed his mind now — She wasn’t sure if she’d ever recover. 

Oh —

—What a mess she had landed herself in. 

----

When Kana finally emerged from the shower, freshly washed and filled to the brim with anxious energy she was surprised to smell the mouth-watering scent of breakfast cooking. Meat sizzled on a frying pan as the delicious aroma wafted over her. She wrapped the towel tightly around herself, drifting to the kitchen to see Aqua cooking. He’d put on a shirt to her disappointment, but it was a tank top that showed off the defined cut of his arms. 

She was tempted to run her hands over them.

“I found you some clothes,” Aqua said without turning around as he whisked up eggs. Was he making tamagoyaki? She usually only got to eat that when she ordered in. “I left them in my bedroom. Hurry up and get changed. Miyako told me that she and Ruby would be here in an hour.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kana murmured, a little flustered to see him making her breakfast. That felt very… domestic. Not really one night stand behavior, but she didn’t want to let herself get her hopes up. You could never be too sure with Aqua. One moment he could claim he wasn’t interested in anyone romantically, and the next moment he could be kissing your rival on national television. Or dating them seriously. Or avoiding you for an entire year. That was kind of a pattern with him.

He had broken up with Akane, but with his track record, after fucking her, he might just decide to propose to Akane now. 

Kana made a sound of disgust.

Awful. Why did her brain always conjure up the worst possible thoughts? Time to bury that intrusive thought along with all of the others. 

Like all of the things that she still didn’t understand about him.

Learning about his father had been a bombshell that she hadn’t anticipated, even if it explained a lot about his personality, as well as the confusing things that he did. Her heart constricted in her chest. She didn’t even know where to begin with that. It was clear that this was something that had haunted him for years, and he didn’t like discussing it. He’d distracted her with sex the first chance that he got right in the middle of their conversation, after all. 

It’s not like I can just drop that though, right? She wondered, confused. Does Miyako-san know that he feels this way? Does Ruby?  

Probably not. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, thinking. But, what to do about it? Would he speak about it if she asked again?

Ugh.

She had no idea what the right call was. There’s time to figure that out , she reassured herself. It wouldn’t be solved today — and she had to accept that. 

She wouldn’t just drop it, though. No way. 

“You can cook?” Kana asked, looking at what he was doing and desperate for a distraction. The meal didn’t look bad at all — in fact, it had almost a professional feel to it. Like he did this all of the time. 

It was impressive. 

“It’s a basic life skill, so yes. Ruby would also burn the house down if I let her anywhere near a stove,” he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, “Can’t you?”

“It’s not like I was ever taught to,” Kana grumbled, annoyed. Teaching her to act had always been more important to her mother than teaching her basic life skills to her. “ You can just hire a private chef once you’re famous,” she had said and that had been the last time she had ever asked to learn. Besides, her mother could barely keep their home clean after her fame had waned and she no longer had the funds to hire cleaners. Kana couldn’t expect her to know how to cook. “I think I mentioned it before, but I’m living off of uber eats,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders. 

“...and continuing to waste your money, along with all of the other frivolous things you buy, huh?”

“I’m going to sock you,” Kana hissed at him like a wet cat. She heard him chuckle. 

“You shouldn’t make threats in nothing but a towel,” he said in response. He turned toward her, and she could feel his eyes slide across every inch of her body. It felt almost sensual, as though he would caress every inch of her in that moment if he could. She found herself freezing up, ire forgotten. “—Especially when you’re so vulnerable.”

The air felt charged suddenly. She swallowed and moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “How so?”

There was an almost predatory look in his eyes. Hungry and piercing. “Go get changed.” 

“Bossy,” she complained as she rolled her eyes, still lingering near him defiantly. Riling him up and pushing his buttons came as easily to her breathing. 

Tired or not, she couldn’t deny that she was curious about his restraint. Since last night, it seemed like he no longer had that — like floodgates had opened and he was having a hard time reigning himself in around her. 

— And as much as she complained, she loved that.

It made her want to test those boundaries even further. 

“We only have an hour before my sister and Miyako are back,” he reminded her, and she blinked in confusion. “I’m aware.” She said, wondering why he would bring that up. He’d already told her that. “Why are you bringing that up now?”

“I mean — go get changed right now before I see how quickly I can fuck you against this counter betore they’re back.”

Kana froze, looking at him with wide, owlish eyes. Aqua wasn’t a polite speaker in any sense of the word, but he hardly ever swore. She could count the number of times on her fingers, and most of them had definitely been last night. 

Damn. She kind of liked that.

  “The food would get cold,” she said, also reminding herself as warmth began to burn in her belly. Her thighs clenched together as the sweet ache of longing began to build between her thighs. 

“It would,” he affirmed, turning the stove off. It didn’t take him long to plate their food — tamagoyaki, grilled fish and rice. He set the food down on the nearby table, eyes sharp in a way that reminded her of a shark circling bleeding prey. 

If they did it again — it would defeat the purpose of showering. 

They would be rushing. 

She had just complained about him being insatiable and it would be hypocritical to give into lust after making such a big fuss, wouldn’t it?

She bit her bottom lip in between her teeth. Her clit felt swollen and sensitive. The image of Aqua being unable to resist taking her right here with no worry of who could walk in or hear was too appealing to ignore. 

He wanted her that badly?

He would forego reason and logic just to have her?

She wasn’t used to being wanted to such a degree, She was nothing but an afterthought now that she was older — less cute and less marketable. No one wanted Arima Kana. 

But Aqua did. 

This was a really, really, really bad idea.

Despite that, Kana dropped her towel to the ground. She wasn’t quite sure where her boldness had come from — maybe her desire had chased the fear and sick anxiousness away. “We can always heat it back up, right?”

Aqua’s eyes darkened as he drank in the sight of her nude body. “No,” he murmured softly. 

“Why not? You’re the one who brought it up. I want to see how fast we can be, too.” She paused, before smiling mischievously “How fast can you make me come, Aqua?”

He groaned, as though he were in pain, covering his hand with his face as he flushed. Pink was a good color on his skin. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he murmured hotly. 

 She loved that, too. 

“I’d rather you stay alive,” she chirped in response. “It’d be kind of rude to die after all of this, wouldn’t it?” There was a flicker of something pained in his eyes, but he shook it from his features quickly. 

What was that? 

“I suppose I can’t die yet then, can I?” He asked aloud, though the question seemed to be posed less towards her. “You really make things difficult for me.”

“Yeah, well, the same could be said for you,” and really, it was silly to be bantering while she was stark naked but she didn’t feel flustered at all. It had always been easy to let her guard down around him — to joke and be free to be even the worst version of herself, because he claimed to like that version of her for some reason and she wanted to believe that he wasn’t lying. “You’re a jerk.”

“So are you,” he rolled his eyes, unable to stop the smile playing on his lips.

Her heart fluttered. 

Sore or not— Kana couldn’t turn down and opportunity to draw out his desire, to make him look at her and only her. Not Akane — or any other girl who might catch his eye. Her .

She stepped closer to him, but he managed to reach her more quickly with his longer legs. He kissed her and she moaned, a thick and heavy want burning between her legs. Like this, her insecurities and worries all felt so far away — distant. She couldn’t even remember what she had been so anxious about when he looked at her like that. 

That probably wasn’t good. 

She should be more cautious. Aqua had proven that he wasn’t exactly a stable choice in a partner. He could throw her away just as easily as all of the others had — go running back to Akane or some other prettier or more famous girl. Someone with a good attitude — who was sweet and docile, who wouldn’t insult him or tease and grow angry and defensive at any perceived slight. 

And yet, she didn’t care. 

There was only Aqua — illuminating her world, filling in all of the drab gray with voluminous color. 

He was the only one for her. Try as she might, it was impossible to forget him. Was it selfish of her to want him to be just as affected by her?

I’ll make you think of only me, she promised herself.  I’ll be so good for you that you won’t want anyone else. 

He lifted her up, hands palming her ass as he carried her to the nearby counter. She was surprised when he set her down on her feet rather than the counter, but his hands moved from her ass to her hips.

“Turn around.”

“Huh?” 

Kana looked at him in confusion as he made a motion with his finger, spinning it in a circle. She wanted to ask why, but she did as he asked, “—Now brace the counter.”

“Why do I need to do that?” She asked, growing more bemused as she gripped the edge of the counter. She doesn’t expect Aqua to push down on the small of her back, subtly encouraging her to bend over and —

Oh!

She flushed a dark red as understanding dawned on her. “You’ll fall if you don’t,” he said, and she heard rustling, like he was messing with his clothes before she felt one of his fingers push inside of her. 

Kana gasped — he’d already done this so many times during the night, but everytime felt so intense as her inner muscles tightened around his finger, not wanting to let go. It felt so good, better than her own fingers. 

“You’re already this wet?” He asked, sounding pleased. He sunk a second finger inside of her and the side of her face hit the counter as she whined impatiently. “I haven’t even gotten started yet.”.

Jerk. 

“D-Don’t bother with that,” Kana said, ignoring his goading. “Just… put it in, we don’t have much time, right?”

“You could get hurt if I don’t prepare you properly,” he reminded her, and her heart swelled at his concern, even if she was horny enough not to want it at the moment. “You won’t,” she reassured, pushing back against him. Frankly, she didn’t really care even if it did wind up hurting her right now. “You wouldn’t hurt me. Not like that.”

She’d always been hurt by the people she loved the most, but she thought that if it was him hurting her — that it was fine. She could take anything that he threw at her. 

“I’m not so sure,” he murmured faintly. “Haven’t I already hurt you?”

He had.

“Yes,” Kana agreed softly. “—and you’ll probably hurt me more. I might hurt you too,” she definitely would. She had a temper and often said hurtful things when she lashed out in spite. She had a foul mouth and an awful personality — but he claimed to like her anyway. She wanted to believe that he had been telling the truth, at least. 

“I love you either way.” 

Aqua’s hand trembled around her hips, and a soft sound of disbelief bubbled in his throat. “You keep saying that.”

“Yeah,” she said, “and I’ll keep on saying it. Just so you don’t forget,” unable to resist, Kana took one of the hands that were on her hip, bringing them to her lips to kiss at the back of his palm. His breath stuttered and when she turned back to look at him, the flush that had dyed his skin only made her grow bolder. 

Did she affect Aqua that much?

Kana covered her hand over one of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. It was a little awkward in this position but she felt him lean down, giving her shoulder an affectionate kiss and her stomach dipped as though she were in a free fall. 

Then, she felt his cock brushing against her ass, as his hand moved down to grip at her ass. It was leaking at the tip, the slick rubbing along her skin — further proof of his excitement. “Are you sure you don’t need more preparation?” He asked, voice thick and heavy; like he was intoxicated. 

“I’m sure,” she whispered. No — right now she just wanted him inside of her — even if she wasn’t ready, even if it hurt. She needed him. 

And then, she felt his cock at her opening, pushing inside of her — maddeningly slowly. He was still being too careful, even now. Growing impatient, she pushed her hips back, sinking down on his length until he was entirely buried. She heard him hiss, and she shuddered at the way that his cock stretched her open. 

How was it always so good?

He felt so hot inside of her — cock throbbing and brushing right where she needed him the most. 

It was different in this position — deeper, somehow as she felt his hips press flush against her ass. 

“Y-You’re insufferable,” he said through gritted teeth. His hands squeeze her hips with almost bruising force, but she didn’t mind in the least. 

“And you’re too slow,” she shot back, “I’m not made of glass,” she paused, growing redder as her belly burned with arousal and embarrassment, her next words frozen on her tongue. She could say it. She had already done this much. “Now — fuck me! Don’t we only have less than an hour?”

There was a cutting edge within his blue eyes are he looked down at her, licking his lips like she was a piece of meat to be devoured and savored. 

“You should be careful what you ask for,” he warned, and she only got a moment to ponder what he meant by that ominous phrase before he slid out before he rammed back into her. The air in her lungs froze as she gasped, but he didn’t give her a chance to catch her breath before he was moving again. 

He hadn’t been kidding about needing to brace herself. 

He was rougher this time, pounding into her hard and fast with an intensity that made her knees buckle, and made her nearly sob as she clapped a hand over her mouth to keep quiet. He didn’t seem to want that, however, as he wrenched her hands away from her mouth, pinning it down on the counter. “B-But-,” she stuttered, unable to get the words out. 

Aqua was not gentle. 

He certainly had been last night — and even in the subsequent times he had taken her in the early morning. He certainly hadn’t lacked passion then, but now it felt as though he were truly letting go, fucking into her with a recklessness that made her dizzy. Her eyes blurred, a explosions bursting inside of her with each thrust. “I told you I wanted to hear you.”

Kana’s heart shook, clenching hard around him. “Y-Your s-sis—,” she tried in vain to remind him, until she felt his free hand slipping in between her legs. His fingers brush over her clit just as he sunk in deeply and this time, she really does lose feeling in her legs.

“You wanted to know, right?” He rasped. “How fast I can make you come.” The deep baritone of his voice is like a purr. “I want to know, too. We don’t have to worry about them if we finish quickly.”

After that, it was all a blur. He took her as though he might not ever get the opportunity to again — like she might slip away the moment he released her. Like she was as fleeting as starlight. 

I’m not going anywhere, she wanted to reassure him, but all she could think about was the feeling of his cock kissing her cervix as he thrusted in so deep that bright stars danced before her eyes — like he was trying to carve himself into her very being. You’re the one who left me. I never wanted to go.

She wanted to kiss him, but couldn’t in this position, her cheek flat against the counter, right beside where his hand was anchored. Even if she felt him more deeply like this, she didn’t like it. Needily, she pulled his fingers into her mouth, sucking on them as pleasure threatened to overwhelm her. It felt like there was static buzzing in her head — loud white noise that drowned out her surroundings.

“L-Let me up—,” she slurred, delirious. “Wanna kiss you—“ 

Kana yelped, frustrated when she felt him abruptly pull out of her. He turned her around, lifting her up and setting her down onto the counter. She could see his cock bobbing lewdly, all slick with her arousal and for a moment she wondered how such a big thing could even fit inside of her before he tugged her hips forward, thrusting inside in one hot thrust that took her breath away — made her eyes roll to the back of her head. 

Yes — Yes — Yes —

“Better?” He asked roughly, pressing a hot and wet kiss against her mouth. His fingers dug into the swell of her hips, pressing close and then grinding once he was completely sheathed. He was brushing against that spot again, leaving her skin burning as her insides shivered. 

Her nerves felt raw, overstimulated as though stricken with lightning. 

She didn’t think she could form words right now, so instead of answering his question she locked her legs around his hips, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him. She bit at his lips until he groaned against; clawed at his shoulders like a feral animal, nails dragging down his arms as she tumbled closer and closer to that white hot precipice that made her feel as though she might go insane. 

“I want you to come, Kana,” Aqua breathed against her mouth, and she released a soft cry, eyes squeezing shut as his pelvis brushed against her clit. He was deep — and now he was saying embarrassing things again — saying her name, too. Her vision blurred, her moans turning into near wails as she clung onto him for dear life. Still, he didn’t take mercy on her. He was giving her exactly what she had asked for. “Can you be a good girl and come for me?” 

Her eyes flew open, unable to suppress the shuddering sob that bubbled from her lips. 

He definitely had caught onto the good girl thing, the jerk. 

“Y-You’re the w-worst—.” she hissed, back arching and hips grinding up against his desperately. She was already so close to shattering, her cunt feeling swollen and hot. “I am,” his tongue dragged along the expanse of her collarbone as he agreed with her, “—but you’re going to come for me anyway, aren’t you?”

Instead of responding, her body did exactly as he asked. Kana shivered, biting down into Aqua’s shoulder to keep from screaming and alerting the entire neighborhood of their activities. She heard him hiss -- maybe from pain from her bite, but she hardly cared as waves of pleasure crashed into her fiercely. Her vision exploded into a burst of white, a colossal supernova rocketed through her, leaving her trembling uncontrollably as she gushed around him. She felt so much wetter, could feel it even dripping down her thighs. 

So messy — but she hardly cared.

She couldn’t think; couldn’t say anything that wasn’t his name. 

Kana didn’t understand how he could do this to her — her body sung for him, like he held the keys to unlock the very fiber of her being. 

Faintly, she thought that they would definitely need to clean the counters after this. She hoped there would be enough time. 

“Aqua,” she whimpered, hardly able to feel her legs at this point. He kissed her shoulder again, then her collarbone, before sweetly kissing the crown of her head. 

“Good girl,” he purred, he ran his fingers through her hair, his hips going still only for a moment. Maybe he was giving her a moment to ground herself. “You did so well.”

Kana trembled in his arms, warmth flooding her chest. “You’re so mean,” she murmured, too tired to have much bite to that insult. He’d definitely noticed. She covered her face with her hands, struggling to catch her breath. “D-Don’t tease me like that.”

“Is it teasing if I want you to feel good? I don’t mind it,” he chuckled, brushing his lips against hers. “If it makes you feel any better, a lot of people like that kind of thing. It’s more common than you would think.”

“Shut up,” she said, mortified, but he gently pried her hands from her face. His normally cold eyes were filled with warmth as he brushed his forehead against hers. He was still so deep inside of her, making her tremble as he adjusted their position, moving his hands back down to palm her hips.  “Don’t hide.” 

“Then, don’t bring that up,” she was too tired to hiss at him. She barely even understood why her body reacted that way when he said those things. She couldn’t even control herself -- and it only took a few heated words of praise from him. Aqua smiled down at her, eyes crinkling with mirth. “Why not?” He rolled his hips as he spoke and she nearly sobbed. She was still so sensitive from her orgasm — and even with the short break he had given her she felt disoriented, adrift in a haze. 

“ A-Aqua—“

“You should believe it too—,” Aqua whispered into her ear — as her eyes blurred with tears. “—How amazing you are.”

Oh, God , she thought, her inner walls clenching hard, spasming around him and Aqua groaned, brushing her clit again with his fingers as he fucked into her. “S-Stop i-it—“

“No,” he said firmly. “This was what you wanted, wasn’t it? I warned you.”

He had — but Kana had never been good at heeding warnings. 

He was the worst — reading her like a book — using weaknesses that she hadn’t known that she even had against her. Then again, Aqua had always been observant of her. He’d pointed out things about her back when he had disguised himself as Pieyon that she had never even told anyone. Sex seemed to be no different as he whispered even more praise, seemingly trying to drive her to another, even more intense orgasm. 

As sensitive as she was, he didn’t even have to work hard. 

She was coming again before she even knew it — crying as her body arched and writhed despite herself. Aqua watched her the entire time, grabbing her chin to keep her in place as she tried to turn her head. “That’s good, Kana,” he drawled as he leaned down to kiss her. “You look so good like this,” he murmured, tongue darting out to trace her lips sweetly. “—Is this all for me?”

There was a possessive edge to his voice as he asked that question, driving even harder into her. Her lips parted, eyes glazing as he drove her nearly out of her mind. It seemed impossible — that something could feel this good — so intense that she could barely even form together a coherent thought. 

Still, she did manage to remember one thing. 

Something that cut through the foggy haze of her mind. If he wanted to be unfair, then she could be just as mean. He did say that she had an awful personality, didn’t he? Two could play that game. “Yes,” she breathed, “It’s for you,” he released a low hum of appreciation, hands moving to grab her breasts, tweaking her nipples and leaving her gasping, “—because I love you.”

His breath caught in his throat, eyes growing wide and unfocused. “Kana — ”

She gripped his shoulders, kissing his mouth messily, “I love you so much, ” she whimpered as her legs tightened around his waist, locking him in place. She could feel him throb inside of her, feel the heat of his skin as he flushed even darker shade of red. So — he did like that. Good. She shouldn’t be the only one being driven insane. Fair was fair, after all. 

Though, there was something that she wanted even more than that, now that she thought about it. 

“I want you to come inside me,” she said, giving him a hazy smile as he shuddered, his thrusts losing coordination. 

“How reckless of you.”

“I-I’m on birth control,” Kana reminded him. “I-It’s fine, isn’t it? You don’t want to come inside?” 

He released a soft, trembling sigh. “You really are an idiot.”

She glared, he was insulting her right now? Really? “What did you just— but she could barely finish that sentence when he began to slam into her in earnest, chasing his own pleasure. If she had thought that earlier had been rough, it hardly compared to now with each thrust causing her eyes to water — hitting hard and deep, so hard that she could feel his balls slapping against her ass. 

Kana could only cling to him, struggling to hold back her cries. 

And then — she felt it, felt him moan loudly. He pushed inside as deeply as he could go within her, his body growing stiff as warmth flooded her insides.

They both struggle to catch their breath, and she held him close, still wrapped around him tightly as she ran her fingers through his hair, as she felt him go soft within her. 

That was definitely better than having him pull out, though she didn’t voice those thoughts out loud. 

“Move,” Kana said tiredly, “I need to shower again.” She felt gross and sticky, and she could definitely feel his cum inside of her, some of it was even leaking out, running down her thighs. Wow. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to look at this counter the same way again. They had basically just defiled it. 

Aqua huffed, chin resting on her shoulder.  

“Alright.” 

She gasped as he lifted her up, still inside as he walked them in the direction of the shower. She flailed, having to wrap both her arms and legs around him to keep steady. “W-What the hell are you doing? We need to clean up this mess!”

“I need a shower, too.”

“You should have thought about that before we did all of that in the kitchen!” She didn’t even know how much time had passed. It felt like quite a long time, though. Would Miyako-san and Ruby be home soon?!

“... That was your fault.”

“It was not—”

“It absolutely was,” he said, pulling out of her. She was a little disappointed. She liked the way he felt inside, but there definitely more pressing matters to be concerned with. When they reached the bathroom, he set her down on her feet, and her knees buckle, feeling weak and stringy. Great. She had already been sore and now she felt like a battered piece of meat. 

Goddamn her hormones.

Aqua shrugged the rest of his clothes off as he turned the shower on. 

“Y-You were the one who started it with all that ‘you better be careful in that towel stuff’!”

“That was me trying to keep my hands to myself. I told you to go. You didn’t.” He stepped into the shower before beckoning her closer. “Come here. It will be faster if we shower together.”

Kana flushed, unsure why this felt more embarrassing than…literally everything else they had just done or even the cum she could feel sliding down her inner thighs. Maybe it was more intimate? 

“Fine…” she muttered, rubbing her cheeks and hoping that dissipated the blush. It didn’t. 

She stepped into the shower with him gingerly, the water a warming balm against her skin. She was careful not to wet her hair, not wanting to go through the hassle of washing it all over again and it seemed like Aqua had the same idea as he passed her a bottle of vanilla-scented body wash. 

Kana never really saw the appeal of bathing with a partner before. Granted, it wasn’t like she had any partners to begin with, but she could only imagine that it would be cramped and awkward. She had wondered if she would even be able to have enough space to go through her normal routine, but that didn’t seem to be a problem with Aqua as he stood in front of her, letting the water run over his body. 

Her eyes wandered along his skin as he lathered his body. She wondered if he would let her wash his back? She kind of wanted to.

This was actually… kind of nice.

“Be sure to wash between your legs thoroughly,” Aqua said out of nowhere, voice stern and serious. “Semen can upset the pH balance of the vagina. Actually, let me just do it--”

“Eh?! No! Hands off you pervert!” How did he even know most of this stuff?! Was he just going around reading female anatomy books for fun? 

Nevermind. Bathing with him sucked. 

----

They both dress quickly — or as quickly as they can after the shower. When they returned to his room, she saw that he had changed the sheets and the blankets. He must’ve done so during her first shower, and she grew red. Pushing that embarrassing observation out of her mind, Kana looked at the clothes that Aqua had picked out for her on his bed — a frilly black skirt, light green blouse, and thigh highs with black bows on the sides of them right at the top. She didn’t recall leaving those here. They were definitely from one of her idol costumes.  She quirked an eyebrow as she looked at them, cocking her head towards Aqua, who was dressing himself in a boring black sweatshirt and sweatpants, as per usual. 

For someone so attractive, he sure did normally dress like a bum. 

“Thigh highs, huh?” She commented, lifting them up. 

“What about them?” He asked, not even looking at her. 

“Nothing. It’s just that these are from one of my costumes.  Not my normal clothing,” this stuff was normally kept in the strawberry studio offices, though. He would’ve had to rummage to find them — or perhaps he knew where they were and had pulled them out intentionally. Both options were weird as hell. “Pretty sure this wasn’t with my other clothes.”

Aqua didn’t respond. 

Kana stared at him for several moments before bursting into laughter. “If you want to see me in any of my idol costumes all you need to do is ask, you know,” she saw his ears turn red and she giggled harder. 

He looked a little red, and she expected him to deny it but he didn’t. “Really?”

“Yeah. You pervert.”

That comment seemed to annoy him, “—Says the girl with the praise kink.”

“Shut up! I don’t have a praise kink!”

“You definitely do,” he said, lips curling into an amused smile. “Now, why don’t you be a good girl and finish getting dressed?” 

Her cheeks burn and she grit her teeth. He was awful! Terrible! The worst! She should have put on something completely different out of spite, but she didn’t. She got dressed just like he told her to. In the outfit he had picked up because she was a whole lot more bark than actual bite. 

I’m pathetic , she thought. 

“I’m not doing this because you said so or because you think I have some kind of weird kink. I just don’t have time to find another outfit.”

“Whatever you say,” he deadpanned, “Though, you didn’t need to even put the thigh highs on if you really didn’t want to,”  and this time she grabbed a pillow and hit him in the chest with it. He barely even budged. 

“I don’t!”

“Right.”

Ugh, he was so annoying! 

They finish getting changed and get to work on cleaning the kitchen. Kana stared at the counter. It was pretty… wet, the tell-tale signs of their coupling all over it. Was all of that from her?!

“Why does that keep happening?” She whispered to herself, horrified.

Aqua shrugged, as though he knew exactly what she was referring to. He looked through the cabinets as he pulled out rags and bleach, spraying the counter down, hopefully completely sanitizing the evidence of their shame.  “You’re a squirter. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Her eyes nearly bulge out of her head. “I’m a what ?!”

“It means--,” but she covered his mouth, shaking her head. He was speaking in that tone that told her he was about to drone about exactly what squirting was and the mechanisms behind it and she really couldn’t handle that right now. “Don’t answer that. In fact, stop speaking!” She snatched one of the rags from him, scrubbing the counter as hard as she could. Why did she ever think this was a good idea?! Aqua had her body doing things that it had never done before — and people had to cook on that counter! She had to look his sister and his surrogate mother in the face everyday now, knowing what she had done! 

Hindsight really was 20/20. 

“I’ll finish up,” Aqua said, and she could hear the amusement in his voice.  Jerk. “Just sit down. Your legs probably hurt, don’t they?”

They did. 

“Yeah. Because you’re a brute,” she muttered nastily, sinking down into one of the seats at the table. “You’re supposed to treat a girl gently during sex.” 

“That’s not really what you wanted though, was it?” 

Kana didn’t dignify that comment with a response, huffing and crossing her arms. “Shut up!” She moved her leg up and down, agitated as she sat. “You’re making fun of me while I don’t think I can even show my face in this house ever again,” she whispered as she watched take a dry towel to wipe up the rest of the residual bleach and water. She hid her face with her hands, absolutely mortified by her own actions. 

Aqua glanced at her, probably about to say something that would make her want to slap him when Ruby threw the door open. 

“Onii-chan!” She called brightly, “We’re back!” She all but skipped over to him — perhaps to give him a hug because she was a weird bro-con, but she stopped short when she saw Kana frozen at the kitchen table. “Senpai? What are you doing here? We don’t have practice today.”

Miyako trailed behind the blonde girl, also looking surprised by Kana’s presence. “Kana-chan?”

Honestly, it would be nice if the ground could open up and swallow her right about now. “Um—“ she stuttered, wracking her brain for a suitable excuse. 

Thankfully, Aqua cut in, “Arima came over last night because she had some questions about the script,” he lied easily. “It got late so I just let her stay in my room. I took the couch.”

Kana gaped at him in wonder. He came up with all that on the fly?! He didn’t even bat a lash as he lied so smoothly that she had to wonder what else he might’ve been lying about. 

“Oh? Well, I guess that’s fine,” Ruby said with a shrug before eyeing the towel in Aqua’s hand as he wiped the counters. “You’re cleaning?”

Kana cringed at that question.

“I spilled something while making breakfast,” he said, putting the cleaning supplies away once he was finished with them.

“Still, you must’ve made a mess if you’re doing all that,” Ruby commented. Kana nearly choked and she wasn’t even drinking anything. 

Aqua’s lips twitch upward, like he was holding back a smile. Jerk! He was terrible! Awful! The worst!  “Something like that. It did get pretty messy,” he affirmed. “The counter got soaked, so there was a lot to clean.”

Kana’s face burned a deep red, unable to hide her open glare. Oh. She was going to kill him. 

Ruby shrugged — apparently that story was enough to satisfy her, and she became more interested in the food sitting on the table, instead. “You made breakfast? And you didn’t make me any?” She complained, moving to rest her chin on his shoulder. She’d been so clingy recently. It was pretty annoying — and weird, but at the very least she had laid off a bit in recent weeks. “You knew we were coming back soon!”

 Aqua didn’t seem the least bit perturbed by the contact, allowing his sister to cling to him as he moved to place the long forgotten food into the microwave, also pulling out two plates that he had put away in the fridge. He must’ve made their food first and put it away when she was in the shower the first time. “I made you some as well.” How efficient of him. 

“I love you, onii-chan! You’re the best!” She chirped happily, finally releasing him and sliding into a seat beside Kana. 

She could feel Miyako scrutinizing her. 

Oh. It looked like she didn’t totally buy that story. That made sense. She made an effort not to look in the older woman’s direction. 

Aqua set her now warm plate in front of her first and she immediately stuffed some of the tamagoyaki in her mouth. Maybe if they saw her eating they wouldn’t start asking her any questions. She could only hope. 

“You two must have been talking about the script for awhile,” Miyako commented lightly, sitting right across from her — because her life was a joke. “Why didn't you just stay in Ruby’s room?” That was where she normally slept when she spent the night, so she could understand the older woman’s curiosity. She just really wished that she would take mercy on her and drop it. 

“I-It seemed rude to stay in there when she wasn't there,” she said, trying to suppress her nerves. “Aqua offered his room, so I thought that’d be better.”

“I wouldn’t have cared if you stayed in there senpai,” Ruby laughed cheerfully, “You practically already live in there, anyway.”

That was true.

In between idol activities, work on the movie, and giving Ruby acting training, she really was over all of the time. The Hoshino residence had become something of a second home over the last two years. It was a nice sentiment; like she was a part of their little family unit, but Kana really wished that she hadn’t chosen to mention that right now. She picked up her chopsticks and promptly shoved some of the tamagoyaki into her mouth. 

“Wow! This is delicious!” Kana said, desperate to distract everyone at the table. Aqua set the heated-up plates before both Ruby and Miyako now that they were done, sitting down beside her with his own plate. “How have I known you all of this time without knowing you can cook this well? You’ve been holding out on me!” she joked loudly, elbowing Aqua in the side playfully. 

“He doesn’t usually cook so I’m surprised,” Ruby commented brightly, as she also dug in. “Normally, it’s Miyaemon or take out! You must have wanted to do something nice for me since I’ve been working so hard. Riiiight, onii-chan?”

Kana blinked, stealing a glance at him. He had made it seem like he cooked all of the time earlier. Aqua didn’t look at her, staring straight ahead at his sister. 

“Not really,” he said, completely straight-faced. “I just felt like making breakfast.”

She couldn’t stop the heat that rose to her cheeks, nor the fluttering butterfly wings that came to life in her belly. Kana squirmed in her seat. Was it just for me? She wondered, unable to help the small glimmer of hope that had begun to take root inside of her, warm like the kiss of the sun’s rays against her skin. 

She wasn’t sure if he loved her the way that she loved him, but she didn’t think that she needed that from him. Not yet, at least.

For now, she could be satisfied with his care and concern -- the way that he was considerate of her -- the small ways that he tried to make her happy, even when true happiness seemed like something he hadn’t experienced himself in years. 

I want to make him happy, too. She thought to herself, eyes drawn to him once again as she continued to pick at her meal. And I haven’t given up either.

Hadn’t she promised herself that she would make him love her? 

You say that you can’t love anyone, she looked down, seeing that Aqua was resting the hand that he wasn’t using on his lap beneath the table. Carefully, she reached over and placed her hand over his, so as not to alert his sister or Miyako. He stiffened for a moment, before relaxing. To her surprise, he opened his palm, allowing her to lace her fingers with his. Kana smiled. But I’d like to prove you wrong. Or at least love you enough to chase away some of the pain that clouds your heart. 

She wouldn’t be an idol for much longer —

— But she could at least do that, couldn’t she? 

Chapter Text

----

“But I understand. He can’t just stay sane. When the light in front of you is too strong… People … Simply get burned. They’re like moths drawn to a flame… and when they realize their wings are burning off, it’s even harder to stop.” 

----

To say that Aqua had no idea what he was doing with Arima Kana would be putting the situation lightly. 

He was entirely, totally, and utterly lost. 

For the last fourteen years, Aqua had lived his life cautiously, ever vigilant with every carefully planned move that he made as he took steps toward his ultimate goal. There could be no detours or distractions when his only reason for even still breathing lay in Kamiki Hikaru. Just thinking about the man who shared his blood was enough to make his heart seize, blood running cold with a rage that burned like the most frigid of dry ices — drawing out the air in his lungs in rapid succession until he was outright delirious from it. 

Aqua had learned that hate could be just as irrational, just as powerful, and intimate as love. His father cast shadows over his every action, his every thought, lingering in his mind with a detail more precise than an artist’s highly trained eye. Aqua often thought of wrapping his hands around his throat, squeezing until all traces of life had left his eyes and he grew just as cold as Ai had been. Bashing in the man’s brains until his face was nothing but a bloody, ruined mess —  Or stabbing him as Ai had been — until the floor was wet and slick with his blood. 

It would be a fitting end.

And then — he would rest.

His life would only lead to one place, one conclusion. It was undeniable —  as inevitable as the fact that the sun would descend from the sky as day bled rapidly into night. 

That had been his plan. His goal. 

At least, it had been. 

Until Arima Kana had come in like a wrecking ball, smashing through all of his carefully laid plans as though they were nothing but a flimsy house of cards. She didn’t care how long he had been planning them. Hell, she had no idea what they even were but she still seemed intent on ruining every single one of them. 

“I’d rather you stay alive,” she had said, laying waste to all of his resolve in one fell swoop. “It’d be kind of rude to die after all of this, wouldn’t it?”

Arima was a cruel one, and she didn’t even know it. 

She probably had no idea what she had done with that one simple statement, a comment made in jest that had completely knocked him off of his axis, as though he had been struck with a comet. To think that she could make him doubt his resolve even for a moment; she really was dangerous. 

And yet, he couldn’t stay away. There was something about her that was more addictive than a drug, something that left his body almost constantly aching in need, almost bursting with desires that he hadn’t allowed himself to indulge in for years now. Now that he had started, he couldn’t seem to stop, even if yielding to those feelings would lead to even greater consequences in the future.

Two years worth of yearning had left him helpless. 

 It was difficult to even stand Kana’s presence when her incandescence sought to drown out the shadows that surrounded him. That darkness had been a part of him far too long now for it to be easily illuminated, but the longer that he stayed in her presence, the more difficult it became to focus on what was most important. I don’t deserve to live , he thought to himself even as her body enveloped him, allowing him to forget, at least for a little while. I don’t know if I could live even for you. 

He didn’t deserve to.

He didn’t deserve her , either. 

And yet, like Ai had been, Aqua was greedy. 

He wanted his revenge and he was also slowly coming to realize that he wanted Kana, too. But, it would be impossible for him to have both. It was one or the other — at least for the kind of revenge that he sought, that he had craved for years now. The kind of revenge that would destroy everything in its path, leaving the surroundings scorched and decimated like an asteroid making contact with the Earth’s fragile crust. How could he satisfy that desire while also keeping Kana close?

If he did —  she would inevitably be burned as well as collateral. 

And… the more time that passed, the less he was sure that he could do that to her. Or Ruby. To any of his loved ones. 

It’s fine, he thought to himself as he lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Once I’m gone, it’s not like I’ll have to worry about how any of them would react. It was a cold and harsh logic, one that he had often told himself in the years since Ai’s passing. There was only one reason that he was still alive — only one purpose that he had and once it was fulfilled, there would be nothing. No more pain. No more fear — only the bliss of death’s cold embrace. 

To his chagrin, this thought did not bring the same comfort that it normally did. If anything, it only made the guilt sting with the potency of a scorpion’s venom in his chest. 

For where his bed had once been cold, Kana’s body had left a permanent imprint. He could still smell her scent as it clung to his bed stubbornly. Changing the sheets had done little to remove the memory of her presence. He could still feel the warmth of her soft body when he closed his eyes; taste the heady but candied flavor of her skin lingered on his tongue. It coated it like thick honey, clinging like a deep sunken stain. 

Not even a day before, he had finally indulged the monster that slumbered beneath the surface of his being; but it was nowhere near sated. 

No.

It was ravenous now. 

And he wanted . 

 Aqua’s hands clenched at his bedspread, bunching up the sheets as he threw them off of his body, intent on starting the day. It was still early but it wasn’t like he could sleep like this — not when he was equal parts aroused and contrite. 

Only one day had passed since that night, and he was already a wreck. 

While Ruby hadn’t noticed his mental state, it should have come as no surprise to him that Miyako was very much aware. Just like him, she often rose early and it took her no time to corner him. It was like she had been waiting to strike since the previous day when she had taken one look at both him and Kana and quickly put the pieces together. The woman was a sharp one, after all. It was obvious from the questions that she had needled smaller girl with before she had quickly hurried home, though he didn't think that she would address it so directly. 

At least not this soon. 

Sitting at the dining room table, she gave him a sardonic look. “We just got her out of a scandal, you know,” she said.

Aqua grew tense from the pointed question. “What do you mean by that?”

Miyako released a heavy sigh. “I mean,” she began sharply, “If you’re just messing around with Kana-chan then you need to cut it out,” his surrogate mother said. “She might not be my daughter but I care about her feelings enough to not want her to be jerked around by some boy. Even a boy that I consider to be my son.” Her brown eyes grew narrow and cutting. 

 “I didn’t say anything when you started to ignore her. That was your business and your decision to make, even if I felt that it was unnecessarily callous and cruel of you.” Aqua flinched, but Miyako continued to speak. “But now you’re sleeping with her?” She questioned, arms crossed against her chest. “And don’t try to deny it. It was obvious, Aqua. You were practically flaunting it the other day.” She shot him a disappointed look that made him want to shrink from her disapproving gaze.

—  Because she was completely right. 

He couldn’t even deny it, averting his eyes away from his surrogate mother’s piercing glare. It wasn’t like he could answer her question, either. He hadn’t meant for things to progress so far with Kana. He had intended to push her away that night, but he had instead entwined them together even further to the point that he worried that extraditing himself from her now would be impossible. For a precious night, he had forgotten all about his true goal. He had deluded himself into thinking that he was a normal boy, smitten with a girl, and had behaved thoughtlessly.  

Miyako was right to chew him out. He would slug himself if he could. 

“Are you serious about her?”

What a loaded question. 

How was he even supposed to answer that when the true answer to that question made him want to scream? In a perfect world, it would be so simple. He was attracted to Kana. He had been drawn to her since the moment he had seen her talent on full display while filming on Sweet Today. The honesty that came with her foul mouth was refreshing, leading him to behave freely with her. It wasn’t like she had any ulterior motives, she was far too forthright for that and so he could relax and just —  be. Spending time with Kana was natural —  as simple as inhaling sweet air on a warm day. Perhaps, that was what had held his interest and her beauty certainly didn’t hurt. 

Even as Gorou, love had never come easily. He had dated casually before the long hours that he had to put in at the hospital no longer allowed for it. Though, he’d never felt that strongly for any of his previous girlfriends, at least not enough to maintain those relationships once they inevitably fizzled out. He had been a man chasing the ghost of the mother that he never knew — eventually, most of the women he had been with had figured out that they would never trump the shadow of that ghost in his heart. They left.

And he didn’t care enough to stop them.

He was still chasing ghosts and shadows. Ai’s bloodied smile haunted his dreams and waking thoughts, while the dreadful vestige of his father clawed brutally at his chest leaving only a ragged and gaping hole. Kana soothed the torn edges of that hole, slowly mending the empty space together as one would stitch a blanket. 

“I love you,” she’d said, and meant it. She said it like it was easy. Effortless.

Would allowing himself to love Kana be just as simple? 

He almost laughed. No. For him, nothing was simple. 

If only she had reacted the way she was supposed to when had told her that he had been using her. He had expected her to recoil from him, instead, she had brushed him off and held him even tighter; unbothered by his attempts to villanize himself in her eyes. He had often tried to hide that side of himself from Kana. Unlike Akane, he didn’t think that someone as bright as her could understand the darkness that clouded his heart, but Kana had a knack for catching him off-guard and causing him to lower his defenses. He had let some of his mask drop that night, but she hadn’t run off in fear. She was so damn difficult to deal with. It was endearing. 

— and incredibly naive of her.

“I don’t know,” Aqua admitted, not wanting to lie. Miyako released a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. 

“Aqua.”

“I’m not trying to play games with her if that’s what you’re asking,” he murmured. “I wouldn’t do that to Arima.”

“Then, what would you call what you’re doing if you can’t even answer whether or not you’re serious about her? Kana-chan is an idol, Aqua,” she reminded him, as though he didn’t know that. As though he hadn’t agonized over that one undeniable fact for an entire year. 

He wasn’t sure why he was even bothering to argue with her. “She won’t be for much longer—“

“She won’t graduate until the end of the year,” Miyako said harshly. “I’m not against you dating her if you’re serious about it. You’re probably the safest option for her if she’s going to have a boyfriend, anyway, but it’s not worth the risk if this is just a fling for you. I feel guilty enough as it is for mismanaging her. I focused completely on Ruby and didn’t even see that Kana was slipping through the cracks until it was too late.”

Truth be told, for all of her insecurities, Kana always projected an air of invincibility. She was good at pretending that everything was fine —  that she could handle anything that was thrown at her, even when she couldn’t. Even he had been caught off guard when he had first heard the news of her scandal, though it shouldn’t have been all that surprising in hindsight. Kana was a people pleaser; prone to doing whatever benefitted those who surrounded her. She was thirsty for praise —  for attention. 

It made her so very easy to manipulate. 

Aqua grimaced at the thought, something cold coiling in his belly. “You speak as though she went through with sleeping with Shima,” and his comment only made Miyako bristle even further. “She didn’t, but that doesn’t make what nearly happened any better. You know, Aqua.”

He did. 

“I don’t blame you for that,” she continued with a sigh, “I should’ve been paying more attention to her. She’s still a member of my company and she felt neglected. She’s never said it to me, but I know that’s what it was. She’s young and I know first hand how this industry can destroy the heart of a child. I could have done more. I can’t change the past, but I can do something now when I see a disaster happening right before my eyes.” She stepped in front of him, into his line of sight. “So I ask you again. Are you serious about her — or is this a fling?” 

“Do I seem like the type to have flings?”

“I’m not sure what you’re the type for anymore, Aqua,” Miyako shook her head. She looked at him as though she didn’t recognize him. Like he was someone other than the boy who she had helped to raise. He shrunk from her gaze. In any other circumstance, he would have ignored her badgering, spurned her concern. However, in this case he knew that was she absolutely right. He had made a mistake — had let his muddled and confused emotions get away from him. “When I would see you coldly use people, I would think to myself that there was a reason behind your actions. That I couldn’t judge you when you were still suffering from Ai-san’s death. At the very least, your heart had to be in the right place.” 

Aqua flinched beneath her piercing gaze, insides churning with shame. 

“I’m not your actual mother,” Miyako said quietly, “Maybe that’s the reason that you never listened when I scolded you for your behavior.”

He winced, “That’s not--”

“It never seemed like you needed guidance in the same way that Ruby did,” she continued to speak, holding up a hand to silence him. “Nor did you want it. I made my peace with that, and maybe it’s partly my fault. I should have been more involved with you. You always seemed a lot older than you actually were and so I left you be.” Her frown deepened, “But I won’t do that if you’re going to be hurting the people close to you, Aqua.” 

Aqua found himself shrinking beneath her gaze. He forced his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, balling them into fists as he averted his eyes from hers. He knew this would happen when he had begun to thread down the path of revenge. Eventually, those close to him would see him for what he really was. There would be disbelief — and then disgust. It was what he thought that he preferred. It would be easier that way. It was necessary. Like this, no one would miss him when he was gone. They could all move on with their lives happily. Secure. 

And yet —

— He couldn’t bear to face her; couldn’t stomach the pain that shone clearly in Miyako’s eyes. He knew that look well. It was the same look that Gorou’s grandmother often held whenever she looked at him. The regret within them was unmistakable.  

His mouth felt dry.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” he admitted. He knew that he would. That was a fact — as sure as the fact that the sky was blue and that grass was green — but he took no joy in knowing that he would. “You’re right, though. I’ve been irresponsible with her.” He bowed his head.

“I stayed away from Arima to protect her,” he said quietly. “I thought doing that would be best. Because she’s an idol. And because I’m a… coward.”

His harsh words gave way to a crack in her stony countenance. Her eyes softened, “Aqua—“

“It didn’t really do anything,” Aqua continued, “You saw it yourself. Arima fell into a scandal. Mem told me that Arima probably became an idol for me. I think a part of me always knew that. I pressured her into it, read her like a book,” she had even told him what he did was despicable. At the time, he hadn’t felt particularly guilty. After all, he hadn’t lied to Arima. He thought she would find success as an idol, but he had never accounted for her own discomfort with the job.

“But it wasn’t really what Arima wanted, was it? She did it for me,” he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. She had tried to tell him that she didn’t have regrets — that being an idol had been beneficial to her in the long run, but he knew better. Arima said a lot to placate others, after all. 

In some ways — she was a lot like Gorou… a lot like him . 

“After we went to Miyazaki I wanted to be more with her  — but then I thought of Ai and I…” he felt a lump begin to form in the base of his throat. Ai’s blood had been warm as it covered him, growing cooler as she did. Would Kana’s blood be just as warm if she were killed? “I couldn’t.”

Miyako’s lips pressed into a thin line, “What changed?”

He blinked, “What?” 

“You’ve decided to sleep with Kana even though you stayed away to protect her. Something must have changed for you then, right?” 

Had something changed? No. He didn’t think so. Even with his new knowledge that Sarina lived on with Ruby, his plans hadn’t changed, even if his guilt only multiplied. Many of the problems barring him from a relationship with Kana were still present. He had simply faltered. Perhaps, that was why had forced himself to stay away. He knew he would eventually give into temptation, and he had proven himself completely right, hadn’t he? They hadn’t even been trying to be “friends” for all that long before he had given in and fucked her. Kana had a way of chipping away at the walls that he built around himself until they shattered all around him.

Aqua was pathetically weak, after all.

“Nothing changed,” He said softly, “I…just…”

He couldn’t answer her. Verbalizing the tempest of feelings that swirled in his chest was impossible. His tongue felt heavy and sluggish and it felt like something was pressing down on his chest with a force strong enough to crack his ribs.

Perhaps it was through sheer luck that Miyako seemed to take pity on him. She released a deep sigh, hands falling down from her chest and then to her hips. “Do you care about her?”

“I do,” he answered this time without hesitation. Even he is surprised by how easily he was able to answer that question. It was an immutable fact, after all.

He cared about Kana a lot. Perhaps too much. 

He might even…

Aqua stopped himself before that thought could come to fruition and blossom into a realization that would be far too troubling — far too terrifying to even consider. 

“Then,” Miyako released a deep and heavy sigh of resignation. “Did you at least use a condom?” 

It took several seconds to understand his surrogate mother’s question. He blinked slowly before parroting, “Did I use a what? ” 

“Did you use a condom?” She said again, bluntly and without a hint of remorse for the mortification that clearly showed on his face. “Don’t look so surprised. I asked you the same thing when you were dating Akane.”

He’d been horrified then, too. Aqua was quick to mask his expression, however, screwing his face into a stare of indifference. “I’m not surprised,” he lied.

“Right.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?” He questioned, quick to change the subject. “You were chewing me out not even a moment ago,” and she was right to. He was set to self-destruct at any moment and by entangling himself with Kana, he’d probably take her right along with him. He was being reckless — foolish — behaving like a love struck teenager when he was anything but. 

He knew that.

But — the thought of ending things with her made him grind his teeth together, made him ball his hands into fists so tight that his nails bit into the palms of his hands. His heart felt raw and ragged, like a festering wound exposed to the open air.

Miyako gave him a pitying look. “I said it earlier, didn’t I? If you’re serious then I don’t have a problem with you dating her.” She shifted her weight onto one of her hips.

This comment left him confused, “I never answered that question.”

“No, you didn’t,” she responded, “Luckily for you, I believe you when you say that you care about Kana-chan. That wasn’t a lie, was it?”

He should say that it was, but his tongue was quicker. “No.”

“Then, I’ll let you both figure it out. You’re both not minors anymore. I can’t stop you from making mistakes and scraping your knees. But, Aqua,” she hesitated for a moment. “I meant what I said before. You can’t just keep doing whatever you want — being so careless with people,” her tone grew more serious. “You’re not as good at covering your tracks as you think you are.”

He scoffed, “Did Ichigo tell you something?”

“Maybe he did,” she said lightly, “Is there anything to tell?”

He didn’t respond to her, leaving her to huff in frustration. She inhaled sharply before releasing the breath she had been holding. “Adult or not, Aqua — you’re still my son.” 

Aqua felt something catch in his throat. He swallowed, mouth feeling dry. 

He really was the worst of the worst, wasn’t he? Miyako had always been there — even when she didn’t have to be. She could’ve abandoned both him and Ruby the moment that Ai died, but she hadn’t, had she? There was always a part of him that would love her for that. Without her, he wasn’t sure what he and Ruby would’ve done. They would’ve been sent to a children’s home, perhaps. Just like Ai had been.

She’d loved them — loved him . And for what? To be gifted with a son who had already long since given up on himself. 

Anyone who loved him would just end up disappointed. 

“I’m here,” she tried carefully, “You aren’t alone. It’s alright if you’re not okay.” 

He preferred getting the fifth degree about Kana to this . 

Still, he watched her carefully. Even if Ichigo had clued her into what he was up to, it didn’t seem like she knew completely. That was good. She’d probably try to stop him if she knew. 

“I’m fine, Miyako,” Aqua lied before deciding to throw in an olive branch., after all. “Well. Not completely. But I think I’m doing as well as I can be,” he said, allowing the smallest bit of truth to leak out. Just enough to placate her. The best lies always held a twinge of truth to them, after all. “It’s difficult.”

“It’s difficult for all of us, Aqua,” she said, “It’s okay to share that pain with us. Ruby wouldn’t want you to suffer alone, either. We all lost Ai-san. I know it was more difficult for you in a lot of ways, but we’re all still grieving. We can grieve together, if you let us.”

It was only natural that she would say this — try to comfort him — try to make him open up. It was what people did when they cared; when they didn’t want you to continue along a self destructive path. How many times had he said something similar? He’d said those same words to Ruby not long ago, words of comfort — words that were meant to save. 

However, words like that only worked on those who were worth saving.

They were wasted on someone like him. 

He’d been there to feel Ai’s blood dry on his skin. Felt it grow cold — seen life fade from her bright eyes. The memory lingered the way a pungent scent clung to fabric, never fully dissipating. Tainting it - tainting him . 

Aqua forced a smile, “I know,” he said, and this wasn’t a lie. He knew that she would do anything in her power to help him if he let her. They all would. 

It was a shame.

Why should he be blessed with so many people who cared about him? It was pointless.

— And a burden. 

 “I’ve always known that.”

Miyako’s lips pulled downward, “Aqua.”

“I appreciate all of the help you’ve given to Ruby and I,” he added quickly, “You didn’t have to care for us, but you did. I don’t know what would have happened to Ruby if you hadn’t.”

She gave him a sad smile, “You never include yourself when you talk about Ruby. Did you know that?”

Aqua’s lips snapped shut, “What do you mean by that?”  

“You’re still practically a child yourself. You lost your mother just the same as Ruby, yet when you talk about that time you don’t even add yourself into the equation,” she explained. “It would have been wrong to abandon you both. You’re my son, too.” 

Something grew tight in his chest — made it hard to breathe. 

She reached upward and ruffled his hair with a sigh. “Now, concerning Kana-chan,” she said, changing the subject to his great relief, “If you’re going to continue things with her, I’m sure you know how to be discreet outside of our home.”

Aqua nodded quietly.  “Of course. I wouldn’t endanger her.”

Miyako quirked a smile, “Good. And you two are being safe, right? I was young once, too. I know that sometimes kids like you don’t think clearly when you’re all riled up.” He almost asked if she was talking about that time that they had talked her out of revealing Ai’s secret to the press by promising her that she’d marry a more attractive and younger man when he and Ruby were still infants but kept that comment to himself. “We were safe,” he said.

Truthfully, he’d been an idiot that night. It was through a stroke of luck that Arima was already on birth control. It was difficult enough to get access to emergency contraception in Japan. He would need to be more careful in the future. 

The future.

Hah.

What a joke. 

During the months that he was deluded, dreaming of a future where he could be “happy” — a future that could never be. It was a simple plan. One where he would become a surgeon — where B-Komachi would continue to rise in fame — Akane’s career would grow with him at her side, his sister would be happy -- and Kana…

Kana would be safe. 

That was still his plan. Mostly. He had a use for her in his film, but it wouldn’t turn out badly for her. She wanted to act anyway, did she not? The 15-Year-Lie would be a good opportunity for her career — and her talent would be one of the necessary keys for the film’s success. 

How long will you keep this going? A childlike voice wondered aloud in his head. He couldn’t see the manifestation of his guilt this time, but could feel the presence of his younger self behind him from the prickling sensation that ghosted across his skin — the raised hairs at the nape of his neck. It can’t last. You know that. You know what you have to do. For Ai. 

God, did he know.

Better to end it now, his younger self said, Kana is young. She deserves better than a man who can’t even promise her a future. 

His stomach lurched as though he had tasted something disgusting, acid sloshing with bilious sickness. He had done something awful to her. He’d given her hope. Made her think that there was more than he could offer her than the shattered and jagged pieces that remained of a man who should have died long ago.

Or perhaps — he was already dead.

A walking corpse. 

You know what you have to do.

He did.

It was so obvious — so clear.

Nevertheless, there was an image that remained at the forefront of his mind — of Kana — her crimson hair sprawled against the pillow, glittering against the sunlight that filtered in through his blinds like rubies. Her smile was warm as she looked up at him.

“I love you.”

The sickness only grew.  He could taste it at the back of his throat. It burned . 

He had to end it. He knew that.

But, was it so wrong to want to see her smile for just a little longer? 

“Good,” Miyako chirped, sounding pleased. Her voice jolted him from his dark thoughts as the child’s presence dissipated, even if the rot within him lingered. “And keep it that way. I won’t be helping you two raise another set of twins. I have my hands full enough just dealing with you and Ruby.” 

“ That won’t be happening,” He said sharply. That was another problem. He couldn’t be so reckless in the future. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” She raised both hands and squeezed his shoulders. “Having twins is usually genetic, you know.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Her eyes crinkled with mirth. “I’m glad that we’ve reached an understanding, then.” This time she gave him a pat on the back, “Now, I think you have more than earned yourself some extra work to make up for this. Can you look over the girls’ practice today? I have a meeting with Gotanda-san.” He was relieved for the subject change. Miyako’s words grounded him for a moment, allowed him to think on something besides Kana and what to do with her.

After his stint imitating Pieyon, Miyako would sometimes ask him to assist with idol coaching for the girls. Well, “force” would be the more apt term, but she had a point. He had more than earned the extra work. “About what? He didn’t mention needing to speak with you. Is it about Ruby?” 

The brunette huffed, running her fingers through her hair in agitation, “Of course, it’s about Ruby,” she said. “It’s her schedule. She’s been doing better since you two made up but she’s running on fumes, Aqua. She can’t keep this up no matter how much she claims that she can. As her manager, I know that improving her marketability is important for the movie but as her mother…” she trailed off.

“I hate to see this.” 

It wasn’t like he didn’t know what she was talking about. There was a lot of pressure on Ruby — pressure that he found himself unable to fully alleviate. Now that she had the role of Ai, she needed to be able to pull an audience. He didn’t like it, but Kaburagi had valid concerns regarding his sister’s casting. There was a lot riding on this film — but a flop would only hinder his plans outside of cleaning out the pockets of the investors who gambled on it. 

Even so.

He wanted his sister happy. He wanted her as far away from his plans as he could possibly get her. After everything, Sarina had more than earned some happiness, hadn’t she? 

“I do, too,” he admitted quietly. “There’s not much that can be done until filming is complete, though. You and I both know that.” For now, he would do what he could. If she wanted to lean on him for support, then he would give her that. Whatever it took to keep her happy. 

It was the least that he could do. 

“Running from the core issue doesn’t fix it,” Miyako reminded him in a chiding tone. “You know that.”

He knew that she was right, even if he hated hearing it. 

“I’ll see what I can do about the schedule. Just try not to do anything to agitate your sister,” she continued before shooting with a knowing look. “You know that means you have to tell her about Kana eventually.”

Aqua winced — hard. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I’d like some more time.”

After all, he barely knew how long this would even last — if he wanted it to — or if it should. It was still too fresh and his feelings regarding it were in complete chaos. 

“That’s fine — but you know that it will be a disaster if she found out on her own,” she reached up and ruffled his hair. “I won’t be protecting you if she does.” 

Aqua sighed heavily, “Understood.”

Miyako allowed the matter to rest after that, leaving him with only a multitude of more worries than he had first entered the room with. 

What a mess . 

And yet, despite that mess, he seemed intent on further muddying the already chaotic situation. Kana’s presence in his life would grow that much more prominent.

----

Aqua went to B Komachi's rehearsal that night, just as Miyako had asked. It had been quite some time since he had last seen the girls’ rehearse. He hadn’t gone to a single practice since he had begun dating Akane for real, and even after that, he had been far too busy in between script writing and helping Gotanda prepare for filming to go. Truth be told, things had still been somewhat awkward with Kana even after their reconciliation and while he had saved Kana by revealing Ai’s secret, he had also alienated his sister — until recently. 

He entered the practice studio — only to be met with Ruby, who launched herself at him the moment that he walked through the door. This was becoming much more common these days. Then again, Sarina had behaved in more or less the same way back at the hospital as well, hadn’t she?

“Onii-chan!” Ruby chirped happily, “You’re at practice? I can’t even remember the last time you came!” she said, nuzzling her head into the crook of his shoulder. “You came to cheer me on, didn’t you?”

“Miyako asked me to help out roday,” he said, making his sister pout as he lightly extradited himself from her in order to shrug off his jacket. “She didn’t say anything about that,” Ruby hummed to herself. “She must’ve wanted to surprise me.”

“Possibly,” he said, eyes drawing towards where Kana was seated on the floor. She sat with her legs spread apart as she stretched out both arms towards her left foot, grabbing it and bending down until her chest was pressed against her leg. She was quite flexible, wasn’t she? He had noticed the previous night, as well. “Senpai, did you hear? Onii-chan is going to be working with us today!”

“I heard,” Kana said with a biting tone, “No one would be able to ignore you both being weird over there.” 

“We’re just close,” Ruby laughed.

“It’s starting to seem too close,” he heard her mutter. It wasn’t like he didn’t know entirely what she was talking about. Sarina had never done much to hide her feelings for him back when he was still Anamiya Gorou and he had never taken it very seriously considering her age. Sarina had been a child. Hell, Ruby still practically was one. Now that he knew for sure, it was clear that she hadn’t progressed mentally from being that sick girl in the hospital. 

Still, he found himself falling back into his old habits — allowing Ruby to do as she pleased. Gorou had done the same, finding that he couldn’t find the resolve to squash the feelings of a dying child. 

It was even more difficult to do it now. 

So, he let her hang off of him — it was fine as long as it didn’t cross a line, and it didn’t seem like Ruby particularly wanted that, to his relief. Maybe she needed to process the knowledge that he was now her brother in her own way. He could give her all of the time that she needed to do that. There was no harm as long as it made her happy for as long as he was able to.

This would all be ending soon, anyway.

Kana switched to her other leg, and Aqua’s eyes followed the movement. There was a fluidity to the way that her body curved forward as she gripped her right foot. Practice usually began stretching, but he couldn’t remember it being quite this distracting before. Even when she was dressed in a simple white t-shirt and sweatpants, he found it difficult to draw his eyes away from her. “We’ve always been like this,” Ruby said dismissively, finally removing herself from him in order to join Kana on the floor. “Didn’t I tell you my brother was a sis-con?”

Kana made a gagging sound, making him snort. 

“Where is Mem-cho?” He asked, noting the absence of the other blonde haired girl. “She texted us and told me she was running a little late. Her live-stream went longer than it was supposed to,” his sister said. 

“You aren’t even going to deny it?” Kana demanded, clearly still stuck on the sis-con thing. “You’re the older one, aren’t you? It’s your responsibility to keep your sister in line.”

“Haaaarsh,” Ruby drawled in a deadpan manner. 

Aqua could already feel a tension headache coming on, “Have you ever tried keeping Ruby in line? She does whatever she wants despite my best efforts.”

“He’s right, you know,” his sister said, laughing as she stood up, stretching finished. “Onii-chan’s never been able to say no to me.” 

“Gross.”

“Enough of that,” Aqua cut in, eager to turn to steer the conversation toward other matters. “We only have the studio rented out for an hour and a half and there’s a lot to get done. Miyako told me that you’ve been working on some new choreography?” He touched his chin as he thought. “For the new song Himura wrote you?” 

The man had seemed to rediscover his passion for writing music ever since Himura had completed the group’s new single at Ruby’s behest. He had written the group 5 new singles since then and the girls had been hard at work crafting new choreography for the songs at Mem-cho’s insistence. 

“Yeah,” Kana said with a huff. She stretched her arms up high, bearing her mid-riff. He can see the faintest red mark above her navel, either a scratch or a bite from their coupling the previous night. He was sure that she was littered with all kinds of those markings beneath her clothing now that enough time had passed for those broken blood vessels to turn into light bruisings. He had truly been ravenous last night, hadn’t he? 

Months of anxiety and longing, thoughts of her that bordered on obsession as he kept his distance had erupted within him as he acted out every single fantasy and thought that had plagued him onto her body. Even now, he could feel the stirrings of that desire — that need that scraped at his insides like the sharpened claws of a beast. As wrong as it was, seeing those markings caused a deep satisfaction to settle in the pit of his stomach. Now that he’d tasted her, it was difficult to smother down that desire as it roared to life once more. Those embers had grown into a raging inferno.

How could he end things now that he knew what he had been missing? 

God, he thought, I’m so selfish. 

He was a greedy, greedy man. 

“She already went over most of it with us. But, it’s a pain. That idol fanatic keeps wanting to push us harder and harder,” she groaned. 

“I know!” Ruby squealed brightly, “Isn’t it great?”

Kana groaned louder. 

“Aren’t you almost done already, senpai?” His sister asked, “You’ve been stretching since before I even got here.”

“I’m sore,” The red-haired girl responded in a clipped manner. “I, uh, didn’t sleep well last night,” her features grew redder as she looked pointedly at her feet, intentionally avoiding putting him in her line of sight. “I was tossing and turning a lot.”

Ruby quirked an eyebrow, “To the point that you’re sore?”

“Yep,” Kana said in a clipped manner, signaling that she didn’t want to answer any more questions. Unfortunately, responses like that tended to make Ruby want to inquire even more, if not to satisfy her curiosity, then just to annoy the older girl. “That doesn’t make any sense—”

“We don’t have all day, Ruby,” he reminded his sister, making her pout from being shut down. “Let’s get started. We can catch Mem-cho up when she gets here.” Aqua leaned against the nearby barre as Kana finally stood up, huffing the entire time. He noticed her wincing and frowned. Perhaps he had been too over-eager. It had been her first time and he had completely lost himself in her at some point. Even with the massage, they had sex at least twice more after that effectively negating whatever relief he had given her. 

Enough. He could worry about that later . 

“It went something like this,” Ruby said as she motioned for Kana to turn on the music. Luckily, she had already pulled it up on her phone and the girls went through each of the steps. Ruby had always been good at dancing and she took the steps easily — as though she had come up with them herself, though Kana was quick to catch on and adapt even if she didn’t have as much enthusiasm. “Any suggestions?”

Truth be told, they already looked pretty much ready. For as long as they had been performing as B-Komachi, the girls had all become relatively quick studies. They had gone fron starry eyed rookie idols to professional performers over the last two years. The difference from when they had first begun and now was night and day, however, giving them too much praise right off the back at the start of practice would just make them lazy. 

“Just keep practicing the steps while singing. You should all go for a jog tomorrow morning, as well and perform your set twice afterward.”

“I forgot how much of a slave driver you were,” Kana complained loudly. “Some of us aren’t idol otaku who eat, breathe, and sleep this!”

“No, you’re just an acting otaku,” Aqua shot back dryly. He could still remember how excited she and Akane had been on set during Tokyo Blade’s run both during rehearsals and the live performances. Come to think of it, practically all of them had been like that. Even someone as reserved as his half-brother took to acting like a fish did to water — and with the enthusiasm to match it. It had been a pain for him to be around all that energy. Perhaps that was how Kana felt around Mem-cho and his sister. 

“That’s different.”

“How so?”

“It just is!” She said before smirking, “For one — I don’t have any faves that I have plastered all over my walls.”

“Neither do I,” he said, without mentioning the poster of Ai that used to hang above his desk.

“You’re lying, Onii-chan,” Ruby said, choosing to cut in, to his annoyance, “You used to have Mama’s poster up in your room,” she said as she pointed at him in an accusing way. “And I’m your favorite idol, aren’t I?” She looked at him expectantly, a bright look shining in her magenta-colored eyes. 

He didn’t even need to be looking directly at Kana to feel her eyes digging into him, awaiting his answer. Clearly, she was curious -- and for this reason that made the automatic response of “Of course,” that sat on the tip of his tongue seemed like the incorrect answer.  Somehow being under the dissecting gaze of both his sister and Kana felt even more intimidating than being caught in the middle of one of Akane and Kana’s many spats. 

“No comment,” he said.

“That’s a cop-out!” Ruby shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. 

“Yeah!”

“If you both have enough energy to argue, then you have enough energy to practice your set,” he remarked dryly. “Actually, with all that energy, you can both run an extra lap in the morning, too. It should be no problem for either of you now, right?”

“That’s mean, Onii-chan!” 

“Slave driver!”

He ignored the insults, instead choosing to fold his arms and pin them both with a blank stare. He wouldn’t be swayed on this matter, and their protests fell upon deaf ears as their practice session came and went. Mem-cho arrived in the middle of the session, apologizing profusely for her lateness, but she was able to easily pick up on what she had missed. She had come up with the choreography herself, after all.

He couldn’t deny that he was impressed with their progress. 

There was a cohesion to their group — each member playing an important role in a way that he hadn’t seen when Ai had been the center of B-Komachi all those years ago. She had dominated as the center, but the B-Komachi that his sister, Kana, and Mem-cho had formed seemed more equal. Each member shined in their own way even if Ruby was beginning to show vestiges of some of the unrelenting talent that Ai had possessed. 

The group was flourishing; and just as it was nearing its peak, Kana would be leaving.

The thought left some bitterness on the tip of his tongue. Though, he had no reason to be upset, did he? He was the one who had pressured her into becoming an idol despite the girl’s best attempts to persuade him that this wasn’t the case. He had often tried to justify his actions to himself — she was cute, talented, and had the personality to make it big as an idol. These were all things that he truly believed back when had scouted her.

He believed it even more so now.

But — as talented as she was — it was clear as day that this wasn’t her true passion. She worked hard because it was in her nature to do so, but being an idol wasn’t what made her heart shine. It wasn’t what made her eyes glitter like starlight; what brought her true joy. He had just been selfish. Like he had always been.

Like he would continue to be.

The guilt stung on his tongue like sandpaper — caustic and unrelenting. 

“Good work, girls!” Mem-cho chirped at the end of practice, giving them all a thumb’s up and causing him to re-focus. “I think that’s all we can do for today. But I think we’re shaping up pretty nicely for our show next week!”

“Thank the gods,” Kana sighed loudly, wiping sweat from her brow as she struggled to catch her breath. “This new choreography is tough,” She sounded as though she had just run a marathon. Mem chuckled tiredly, reaching over to slap the younger girl on the back. “You say that, but you’re doing really well! You didn’t mess up not once even if you did complain the entire time.”

“Enough with the back-handed compliments…”

“I mean,” Ruby began, “Senpai’s number one talent is complaining, so you can’t fault her for that--” She yelped when Kana delivered a punch to her forearm. “Hey! That hurt!”

“Then, shut up!” 

Ignoring the squabbling othe the exhausted girls, Aqua went to fetch the bottles of water in the small fridge within the studio. He handed them out to both Mem and Ruby before handing Kana a bottle. Her fingers brush over his as she accepted the bottle with a small smile. Her cheeks were flushed warmly in a way reminiscent of how she had looked last night. “Thank you,” she said.

Even drenched in sweat, she sparkled. 

He felt Ruby wrap her arms around him from behind, “Thank you, Onii-chan!” she said, kissing his cheek.

“Hey!” Kana sputtered, smile getting wiped from her face immediately, to his disappointment. He can barely register why that bothered him so much before Mem-cho jumped near him with her phone. “That’s a good pose!” The other blonde girl said, “Let me get a photo!” She took the photo before he even had a chance to react as Kana made a sound of frustration.

It was almost like she was jealous.

But, that was silly, wasn’t it? Even if Ruby was confused right now — it should be obvious that her antics wouldn’t proceed past this, shouldn’t it? 

“You’re a real numbers junkie, you know that?” the red-haired girl hissed at Mem-cho. “I feel like I’m the only sane person here. That—," She pointed at the two of them, "Is not normal!” She seemed to have forgotten all about her exhaustion and had resorted to grabbing Ruby’s arm to tug her off of him. He could see Mem-cho snapping pictures of this as well. She gave him a wide, teasing grin when she caught his gaze. 

Aqua rolled his eyes.

Clearly, that was about Kana. Whatever. She could think what she wanted. 

Ruby only laughed, when she finally released him. “Anyway,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “I have to go to recording. Don’t wait up for me, Onii-chan.”

“Recording for what?” It was already 8 pm, wasn’t it? 

“What else? Dig Deep! Last chance ,” she explained as she began to put on her coat. “Miyaemon didn’t tell you?”

“She failed to mention that earlier,” he remarked,  “Just be safe getting there. Text me as soon as you do.”

“Fiiiiiine,” she said with a wave. “See you all later!” She said as she bounced out of the studio. Kana grumbled as she watched her leave. He frowned as he watched her go. She really was always on the go these days, wasn’t she? From rehearsals, to filming, to interviews and then to B-Komachi activities. Ruby was being pulled in different directions in every which way. She’d been peppy during practice today, but even he had noticed the heavy bags beneath her eyes that she tried to conceal with makeup. 

Miyako is right, he thought solemnly, She can’t keep this up.

“I have to go too,” Mem-cho chirped as she also gathered her things and gave both Aqua and Kana and wink. “Don’t stay here too late, you two!” She called, making him frown in response. She didn’t have the slightest bit of tact, did she? 

Kana’s eyes narrowed, “Why would she say that we’d be staying here late?” She questioned suspiciously.

Because Mem-cho is like a bloodhound, he thought to himself. Even if she didn’t know that we had sex, she knows more than enough about how I feel. T he breakdown he had in front of her had probably made things fairly transparent even if she hadn’t put all of the pieces together at that point. 

“Who knows?” He said, glancing over at Kana. “She was right, though. You did well today.” He saw her ears grow red, as though growing bashful under the praise. She really was so easy — soaking up compliments like a sponge. If he really wanted to, he could have her wrapped tightly around his finger with only a few words. 

If he continued, would she spread her legs for him again?

The thought made his cock twitch in his pants, but disgust also coiled in his belly from his own callousness. 

Come to think of it, this was their first private conversation since Kana had returned home earlier that day, wasn’t it? She looked a little anxious, nibbling on her bottom lip and playing with her hands as she stood across from him. She was even staring down at her feet -- a far cry from the girl who had all but challenged him to fuck her on his kitchen counter earlier that same day. Despite his best efforts, his mind kept wandering back to those moments that had been all but burned into his memory.

She really should run as far as she could away from him. “How are you feeling?” He asked, wanting to stomp down those wicked feelings. It felt sick to think of her like that. He would use Kana — but not like that. Never like that. 

— Right? 

Unease frothed within him. You really are disgusting, aren’t you? Another voice, this one more resembling Gorou than the child’s. What would she think if she knew that you thought like this about her? His former self’s voice was laded with thick revulsion. She’s too good for someone like you.

He wasn’t wrong. It was a fact that Aqua hated to admit, but the truth remained that the man’s words were irrefutable fact. He had been seeing them more often these day — his childlike self and Gorou whispering truth that could not be escaped. If Ai’s lies were love, then the truth presented to him by the apparitions of his other selves could only be hatred. 

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, perhaps to keep from doing something foolish to the smaller girl in front of him. Maybe he was going mad — hearing voices and chasing the shadows of the dead, corrupting his loved ones for his own selfish ends. His path would lead straight to hell. He had already saved Akane from following him down into the dark — but what of Kana? 

Would he let her sink into the abyss with him? 

He heard Kana say something then, though he wasn’t able to quite make out her words. Thankfully, this was enough to drown out the other voices leaving his mind blissfully quiet.

“What?” Aqua asked, blinking.

“Seriously?” Kana said with a frown, “You were the one who asked a question, but you zone out before I can even answer you?” 

“Sorry,” he said, taking one hand from his pockets to rub at his temples. “Maybe I’m a little tired as well. What were you saying before?”

“I said I was fine. Aside from the obvious soreness, no thanks to you.”

Aqua couldn’t suppress the smirk that grew on his lips from her obvious prodding, “Do you want me to apologize for that?”

Kana gave him a bemused look, “For what?” she asked.

“Making you sore.”

She stared for a moment at him, before color exploded across her cheeks, realization dawning on her. It was rather cute. She could be unexpectedly innocent for someone with the same foul mouth who had asked him to fuck her and come inside. Or perhaps she still wasn’t used to him speaking so frankly to her about yesterday’s late night and early morning activities? “T-That’s not necessary. Stretching helped, anyway.”

He hummed, “Did it?” 

“ Yes ,” she stressed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she looked up at him from beneath her lashes. “And I wouldn’t want you to apologize for any of that, anyway,” she said, tone gaining more confidence the longer that she spoke. “Even if you are a brute.” 

If she thought that was brutish, she has no idea what I’m actually capable of, Aqua thought, taking a step towards her despite himself. She grew tense, a questioning look in her eyes. “You bring that out of me,” he said, his mouth moving before his mind could catch up with him. Just as quickly as the words were spoken, he pursed his lips together to stop himself from continuing that thought. 

She was always doing that — making him say and do irrational things. Making him speak the truth when a lie would be far better suited to the situation. 

“That sounds like an excuse,” she said, though she did look surprised. “Just admit that you’re a low-key perv.” 

“And what does that make you?”

“I’m not the one who has a thing for idols.”

“No, you’re just the girl with the thing for being praised.”

“H-Hey!” She protested, hands balling into fists as she stepped towards him, poking a finger into his chest. “I do not… and even if I did. D-Didn’t you say that i-it was pretty common?!” 

“So, you admit it?”

“I never said that!”

“You kind of did.”

“Oh, shut up! Stop trying to embarrass me!” She crossed her arms and looked away from him, flustered. 

Aqua smiled down at her. Even at his worst, it was impossible not to feel affection for this girl. “I’m not,” he said easily, “You’re doing a good job of that all on your own.” Kana’s face scrunched up like she was debating whether she wanted to hit him or not. She grit her teeth, but it was difficult to take her anger seriously when she was about as threatening as a chipmunk, and just as small as one. 

“In any case,” Aqua continued, opting to show mercy and stop teasing her. “Do you have any plans for after this?”

“No…” Kana trailed off, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. “Unless you want to spend some more time with me?” She said, false bravado coating her tone but the flush on her cheeks gave her nerves away. 

I always want to spend time with you, he thought, pursing his lips. That was the problem.   “Something like that. Have you eaten yet?” He asked, already mentally combing over the restaurants that were nearby. There were lots of fast-food places, a ramen shop, and also a sushi place all within walking distance. There was also the option of picking up meals from a convenience store to take back home. 

If Kana agreed to coming back with him, that was. 

“Not since lunch,” she said, smiling as she went to fetch her jacket and purse from the floor. “Anything you had in mind?” 

“Not particularly.”

“So, I guess you cooking for me again isn’t out of the question?” She sounded adorably hopeful.

“It’s too late for that,” he said before pausing, “But, I wouldn’t mind cooking at another time,” she brightened visibly from his comment in a way that left his heart tightening with longing. 

“I’m glad,” Kana said softly, as she moved closer to him. Carefully, she took his hand within her smaller one, lacing their fingers together as she had done yesterday morning under the dining room table as his sister and surrogate mother had been none the wiser. “To be honest, I was uh, kind of worried?”

Her hand was warm within his own. Her fingers were small and slender — delicate. Like they’d be so easy to break if he wanted to. And yet, she had faith that he wouldn’t. “About what?” 

“That… yesterday was a one-time thing?” Kana said, carefully broaching the topic that he had hoped to avoid. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk about it yet.” No, he was too busy losing all control of himself within the comfort of her body to even begin to establish what any of this meant. “You said that um, it wasn’t just sex for you, but you didn’t really elaborate on what it actually was?” She laughed, but it sounded forced and nervous. 

He averted his eyes from hers, “I guess that I didn’t.”

She squeezed his hand, “No. You didn’t. Or you kept distracting me.”

“You’re fun to distract.”

“Aqua.”

He sighed heavily. He wasn’t going to get out of this one, was he? “I don’t know,” he said, giving her the same answer that he had also given to Miyako. “Your graduation tour isn’t until the end of the year. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve become a public figure,” he said with a grimace. “People recognize me now. I don’t want to cause a scandal for you if someone manages to take a compromising picture of us--”

“I know all of that, already,” Kana cut him off, “I’m not saying that we’d need to be going out publicly on dates or anything. I wouldn’t want that right away, anyway. I want to know what this means to you…?” She looked down at their joined hands. “I know what it means to me. I just… don’t want to get my hopes up if you weren’t really being serious. Or serious in the way that I want.” 

He should lie. 

There were all kinds that he could tell her. They sat on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be spoken. It would be easier in the long run, after all. “Did you think I really meant any of that? You really are an idiot.”

“I was just having fun. Weren’t you?”

“You really believe anything that people tell you, don’t you?”

And yet, those words do not come. The thought of even saying those things to her only made the coiling sickness in his belly grow. He opened his mouth to speak. 

“I am,” he blurted out, because he was an idiot. A sentimental fool. “Serious, I mean.” 

Disbelief flickered in her eyes before they grew wide with shock and then amazement. She often had a difficult time accepting praise. He’d noticed it before, but seeing the surprise flicker across her expression very nearly broke his heart. There was a part of him that wanted to shake her for that. Did she really not know how he saw her? How so many people saw her? He remembered how haughty she had been as a child — the confidence that radiated off of her in waves. Where had that girl gone? 

The world had not treated Kana kindly. 

Then again, it hadn’t been kind to Ai, either, had it? 

“Really?” She asked, voice nearly a whisper.   

He hated himself. “Yes.” 

She smiled at him and it was blinding, so much so that it was difficult to look at her. Still, he couldn’t draw his eyes away. 

She really should have more confidence in herself.

But then again, if she did — she probably would’ve given up on him long ago, wouldn’t she? 

“Then,” Kana said, moving closer, this time pressing her forehead against his sternum. She spoke slowly, hesitant. “We could try dating, couldn’t we?”

Absolutely not. 

What an awful idea that was.

The very thought of it left an ache in his chest — a dull, deep throb that nearly made him gasp. “Is that what you want?” He asked, rather than respond to that question. It was too difficult. There were too many things that he wanted -- too many desires that swirled within his chest and bled like watercolors upon a soiled canvas.  He wanted to die. He wanted to see his hands stained with Kamiki Hikaru’s blood. He wanted his sister to be happy.

He wanted Kana, too. 

It was so difficult to do the right thing when she was in front of him — offering to give him the one thing that he had been searching for even before he had become Aqua. If you want me, he thought as something close to madness swelled in his heart, then I’m not responsible for what comes after, am I?

She raised a fist and lightly rapped on his chest with it. “Stop answering my questions with questions.” She said, sounding frustrated. Then, he felt Kana’s arms wrap loosely around his waist. Strange. He had spent all of yesterday night touching her — exploring her body in all kinds of ways, but this simple gesture was enough to cause his heart to rush and his palms to sweat. He didn’t think that the studio was booked for the rest of the night, so he wasn’t too worried about someone walking in and finding them like this but he still found himself standing stiffly with his arms at his sides. “I’m not saying you need to be my boyfriend right away. I just… want to try dating. If you’re as serious as you say that you are, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with that, right?”

Aqua closed his eyes. She couldn’t be more wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that for some reason. 

“Do you want to try too, Aqua?”

Kana was unfair. When she looked at him like that — like she really believed in him — like just being near him was enough to bring her joy it was enough to make him want to cry. He could feel that emotion building in his throat, choking on the intensity of it. His chest felt like it might burst, heady with delirium. Why? He wondered, Why do you trust someone like me so much? 

He had done nothing to deserve it — and soon, he would take that trust and stomp all over it as though it were nothing but a bug beneath the soles of his feet. 

But —

“I do.” 

Wouldn’t it be alright to try — just for a while? 

That was all she was asking for. To try. 

He could give her that, if that was what she wanted. 

She squeezed him harder, and this time he found himself returning her embrace as his arms encircled her smaller body. She radiated warmth, her scent washing over him like a gentle spring rain. 

This wouldn’t last. He couldn’t let it last — but, he wanted to seize the short amount of time that they did have left. Aqua combed his fingers through her hair and didn’t stop her as she stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him, tasting like something forbidden but undeniable. 

He smiled into the kiss, an almost hysterical laugh building in his throat as his tongue rolled over her lips. His hand reached to cup the small of her back, tugging her ever closer to him. He heard her whimper as he nipped at her bottom lip, and drank down the sweet sounds of her moans as though they were a balm to his very soul.

He really was scum. 

----

The following week passed by in a blur.

Kana’s schedule was already packed due to filming, B Komachi activities, and now — there was Aqua. She could hardly keep the grin off of her face, even right in the middle of a scene. 

She’d never had a particularly difficult time getting into character. As a child, studying for a role was difficult — back then she had acted more on feeling rather than true understanding of what she was actually meant to be portraying, but had still managed to wring out an optimal performance. She really just went with the flow — doing what “felt” right. She didn’t need to study for a role even with her inexperience, she could just perform without even trying hard enough. 

She hadn’t been called a genius in her childhood for no reason, after all. 

However, the older she got, the less this method was sufficient. Getting a feel for a character was still somewhat innate and intuitive, but she also wanted to work more at it — she wanted to better understand the characters that she was meant to portray, and really give it her all. Maybe her own ineptitude had finally caught up to her as her fame began to fade. Maybe she simply wasn’t good enough? So, she studied — and practiced, sometimes until she vomited from exertion, but even then she didn’t stop.

She had to stay in this industry in some way. 

While those days seemed so far away now after releasing her previous film with Shima-san (it felt like the work actually kept rolling in now), she couldn’t completely let go of that fear that it would all be snatched away again if she wasn’t careful — if she didn’t put in the necessary effort. It had happened before. She was more than sure that it could happen again. 

However, unlike normal, her fears felt very distant, replaced by a persistent and distracting giddiness that seemed impossible to shake no matter how hard she tried. It was like every thought in her head had been replaced with cotton candy, unicorns, and rainbows. She felt silly to admit that she was turning into a ball of mush and sugar since she had begun sleeping with Aqua, but, well—

Apparently, sex boosted endorphins, right? That was probably the reason. 

Yeah.

That was absolutely it — aside from the fact that she was also stupidly in love with him. 

“Arima?” She blinked as she was jolted from her thoughts. Shima D raised a brow at her. “You seem out of it today. Is everything alright?” 

Oh, no — had she been spacing out on set?! She really had to get it together. Kana nodded quickly. “S-Sorry about that. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” and that wasn’t a complete lie for the cause of her absentmindedness. Since that first night, she and Aqua had been in contact with one another every day — either through text messages or in person. It was a bit of a whirlwind. For someone who claimed that he wasn’t capable of love, he did a piss poor job of not showing affection. There was at times a secret kiss outside of his house as he walked her to her Uber (that he insisted on paying for), the light pressure of his fingers against the small of her back as he brushed past her during rehearsal, tingling beneath her skin as he shared a secret glance with her when Mem and Ruby weren’t looking. A dark look that told her that he’d take her right then and there if he could.

— Though, perhaps that last one was just her being overly hopeful. 

It was like he couldn’t keep his hands off of her.

Not that she was doing much better in that department. She came onto him every time that they were alone the first chance that she got. 

Shima-san rested a rolled-up script along his shoulder, regarding her curiously. Since they had begun collaborating together, they had managed to finish one film. Granted, it wasn’t a film she was exactly thrilled about, but work was work. The Fan, as it was called had managed to garner a group of dedicated, niche fans despite not being a complete success but it got enough attention to have some clamoring for her next film with Shima-san. Apparently, seeing a former child actress playing an insane fan who ate her crush’s hair and sniffed his underwear before trying to murder him was really impressive to some people. According to some critics, she’d really broken out of her innocent type casting and into “a truly mature role.” 

She had been praised for her ability to really take such a twisted character to new heights, as well as push her skills to the limit. In reality, she was pretty sure most of the critics were just perverts who probably were one of the many weirdos who had diligently waited for her to turn eighteen. There had even been a countdown timer. Gross. 

But — a role was a role, and if it opened the path for better projects — for her masterpiece, she’d do whatever she had to. “I’m ready to start filming now,” she said, clapping her hands on her cheeks in order to snap out of whatever daze she was in. She needed to get fired up. Shima smirked, “That’s the spirit!” 

“Now,” he said, tapping the script on his shoulder again, “I know we didn’t discuss it before, but I wanted to see if you could try some ad-libbing today in this scene. We have a special guest we’re trying to impress today and I really want to show off what you can do.”

This comment made Kana pause. She raised an eyebrow at Shima. “A special guest?”

“Yep,” He grinned widely, “A pretty important one, so be sure to knock it out of the park. Though, no pressure, of course,” he gave her a wink, making her frown in annoyance. “He might even be able to fund our next big project together.” 

This made Kana perk up. Someone with enough resources to fund an entire film? Shima had been rather cagey about what he had planned next for him, despite her best efforts to press him. While their collaborations had been going well, she had also been promised a masterpiece — a promise that Shima had yet to fulfill. 

And she wasn’t about to just let him forget about that! 

Her eyes narrowed at the older man. While it was true that she had managed to find some level of success by working with the playboy director, she also couldn’t help but think that he was jerking her around. “Is this new project better suited for me?” She demanded, as of now, she had collaborated on a film where she’d played some weirdo girl and appeared in an episode of a drama that he worked on where she’d… also played some weirdo girl. “Not another strange role?” 

He clearly had some kind of fixation or fetish for unstable girls.  Is that how she had come across that night at his studio? Obsessed with some guy? Kana grumbled at the thought, repressing the desire to cringe at her behavior. She had cried until morning that night, ranting about Aqua for hours to a man who had wanted to sleep with her. And after that, he had decided that he wanted to write her a masterpiece.

She couldn’t decide which one of them was weirder — her or him.

Definitely him , she thought dryly. 

“It is,” he said with a hum, tapping on his chin. “I think you’ll like this role a lot. I’ve been working on it ever since our first discussion — but I need a lot of funding for what I have in mind. I’ve been looking for potential benefactors for a while now and finally got a bite.” 

Kana cocked her hip to the side, folding her hands across her chest. That was news to her. “And you want me to show off my skills?” And he’d said no pressure? This was a lot of pressure! 

“Yeah. I’m sure if you give it your all you’ll have no problem impressing him. He’s always looking to support talented actresses.” He? So the producer was a man? That wasn’t that much of a surprise, she supposed. Men dominated the higher ranks of the entertainment industry, after all. Miyako-san being the president of Strawberry Productions was an anomaly, an exception to the rule. “Actresses specifically? 

“Actresses specifically,” he confirmed, making Kana frown. “He’s not going to expect anything weird from me, is he?” She asks suspiciously. Being in the industry as long as she’s been, she knew how things went sometimes when producers or directors wanted to support a young starlet. After all, that was how she had come into contact with Shima as well, though Shima certainly wasn’t the first man to make that kind of pass at her. She had noticed the lingering looks of men even before puberty had begun, though it became worse the older she got. In an industry where favors and quid pro quo ruled, it was hardly a surprise that sexual favors were often seen as a necessary evil. 

Turning some of those men down had probably also contributed to the stagnation in her career. It … wasn’t something that she liked to think about. 

So she didn’t — turning her attention back to the director in front of her. 

“He’s not that kind of guy,” Shima reassured her with a laugh. Kana did not return his smile. “You are,” she said with some bite, only making the older man laugh harder. “You can retract your claws, Arima. Kamiki-san really isn’t like that. He’s very respectful, even among industry men like myself.” 

Kana’s eyes grew wide, “Kamiki-san? You mean Kamiki Hikaru?” She asked, stunned.

That name was well-known within the industry. Kamiki Productions handled many different actors and actresses, with much of the talent affiliated with the agency gaining fame and popularity. Katayoshi Yura and Shiranui Frill, two powerhouse talents in their own right were affiliated with the agency as well. Before joining up with Strawberry Productions she had hopes of one day getting an invitation to that studio, however, none ever came no matter how many emails or meet and greets she went to.

She had simply been too washed up for that. 

“The one and only,” Shima said with a grin. “Apparently he’s been interested in your potential since The Fan. ”

Kana face scrunched up as though she had just tasted something extremely sour. He’d seen that? “Hey! Don’t be that way — you can look at that as your breakout role! It’s a catalyst for the future!”

Her expression worsened.

“...It’s all a matter of perspective?”

“Whatever,” she said with a huff, before taking a deep breath. “Let’s just do this. Ad-libbing is what you want, right?” 

“Yeah. For act 2, scene 3. You can handle it, right?”

Act 2, scene 3. That was already a difficult scene in its own right even without being given the task of ad-libbing. Shima had written it to be a showcase of all of the emotional acting that she could bring forth in what was essentially a six minute scene. She’d been impressed when she had first read through the script, excited for the chance to really show off her skills, though she had almost hesitated in agreeing to take the role. The role hit… a little too close to home, but it was also too good for her to pass up, either.

Luckily, she wasn’t playing another psychopath in this role — but rather a young woman finally telling her abusive mother off after years of abuse at her hands.

She’d have no trouble ad-libbing for such a role. In fact, she might not even need to act. 

“Who do you think I am?” Kana asked with a smirk, echoing the same words she had said to Himekawa-kun. If it was funding that Shima-san wanted, he’d get it. She wouldn’t let anyone turn their nose up at her. To be a star, one needed to shine the brightest. She’d been good at that since she was a child — so good that she’d made everyone around her sick of her.

Her acting had blocked out everyone else around her, eclipsing them with the sheer force of that talent. However, that talent hadn’t done much to keep her loved ones close. They’d gotten burned by that brightness, perhaps. For a while, Kana had intentionally dimmed that shine, thinking that it was better to be forgettable but surrounded by those who loved her rather than remarkable but alone. 

But — 

—Shima was asking her to step out of the shadows.

There was always that familiar fear that clawed at her chest — if she let herself go — stole the spotlight — would everyone grow tired of her again? It was possible. She’d had all of the talent in the world, and that still hadn’t been enough to keep her mother around — to keep the praise of the adults that surrounded her. Stop it, she thought to herself, swallowing and forcing those nerves back down. She took a deep breath — Shima-san is asking you to do this .

It would be alright. 

She wouldn’t be left alone. He wanted to see her at her best. It would be okay to go all out.  Still, Kana felt uneasy. Unlike last time, there was no Aqua to drag her into the spotlight, forcing her to give her all despite her protests. But, with having that spotlight focused on her also came the pressure — the expectations that weighed her down, heavier than lead. It was all on her — if she messed up, they wouldn’t get the funding for Shima-san’s project, would they? 

It didn’t usually go well when people pinned all of their hopes on her, did they? It was a common enough trope. Arima Kana wasn’t marketable. She was talented yet, but she didn’t have special something to draw an audience, to gain loyal fans who would support her through thick and thin. People who bet on her usually paid the price for it. Her success with Shima-san could have just been dumb luck, just as her success as a child actress had been. How long before that luck ran out, as it always did? 

This is for my masterpiece , she reminded herself, You can be negative later. Right now you need to get fired up and show everyone what you can do. It would do no good to anyone to allow those dark thoughts to continue to spiral. She couldn’t let them swallow her up. No. Too much was riding on this. Hadn’t she decided that this was what she wanted? To act? 

“Just act the way you want to, Arima Kana.”

Aqua’s voice cut through her doubts — through her fears as swiftly as a blade. Strange — that he filled her with such confidence, that the support of one person could quiet those doubts, the whispers that had plagued her thoughts for years now. It was easier to push them from her mind as though they hadn’t ever existed to begin with. Somehow, he had become her strength. 

Aqua believes in me, she thought, smiling. So does Shima-san. I can do this. 

Kana breathed deeply, allowing those thoughts to dissipate. determined as she took another step on set, staring down into the lens of the camera that was pointed at her. From where she stood, she watched as a man who she didn’t recognize entered from the left. Shima was quick to go and greet him, throwing her a thumbs up as he did. 

Was that Kamiki-san?

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but perhaps it hadn’t been someone who looked so young. She couldn’t see much of his face, as his eyes were obscured by dark sunglasses and he wore a hat and a heavy brown coat that made it seem more like he was trying to hide himself. After all, who wore sunglasses inside? Weird. Then again, most people in the entertainment industry had some kind of eccentricity, didn’t they? He was rich and famous and he would fund what could possibly be a life-changing role for her if she impressed him enough. That was what mattered most in the end. 

Kana squinted. It was somewhat difficult to see him from where she stood at the moment. He spoke with Shima-san before taking a seat beside the director’s chair, but there was something familiar about him. Maybe she had seen a picture of him in passing? He was pretty famous, after all. 

“Are you ready, Arima-chan?” Shima-san asked from where he stood. “We’re filming the monologue for Act 2, Scene 3,” he reminded her, though she figured that he was saying that more for Kamiki-san’s benefit. It looked like he was looking through the script. She wondered if Shima-san had already briefed him about the ad libs?

She gave a curt nod as Shima held up three fingers. He counted down wordlessly, but she had been on set long enough to know what that gesture meant. 

3…2…1…

— and the clapperboard slammed down.  

 This scene called for rage. For pain. Anguish for the realization that to your own mother, you were little more than a doll she had created to fill the void within herself. A doll made to love her — to accomplish all the things that she could not. To never, ever to live your own life. 

Kana knew that feeling well. 

“I’ve always wondered why you ever even bothered giving birth to me.” She stated, expression hard and cold as her gaze bore down onto the lens of the camera. “I used to ask myself that question all of the time,” she pursed her lips, twisting them downward into a scowl that seemed etched onto her very skin.  “Your love was always conditional, wasn’t it? If I did what you wanted, you would praise me. And if I didn’t? I might as well have not even existed to you.” 

And now, for the ad-lib--

Kana braced herself. She closed her eyes for a moment — allowing a memory to wash over her. At that moment, she was twelve years old again, feeling the weight of her mother’s hand on her shoulders. Mama had squeezed hard until Kana could feel the bite of her sharp nails cutting into her skin. “You have to be better, Kana-chan,” Mama had said, eyes wild and furious. “I didn’t spend all that time teaching you to act just to lose it all. All of those years I wasted! For what? For you to be talentless and useless?” She shook her shoulders, hard —  and Kana had always been small, and it was impossible to fight back against her mother’s strength.

“I wish you’d never been born!”

Then, a slap. And another — and another.

“You’re worthless!”

And another. 

She’d had to stay home from school the following day, nursing an ice pack to her bruised and swollen cheeks. Mama had apologized after -- as she always did. Blamed her actions on the alcohol that she had begun to drink more and more the more Kana’s fame waned. She often stunk of it, choosing to drink rather than take care of their home. 

“I’m sorry. Of course I love you. I love you so much.” Mama lied, “I just want you to do better. To be better. Can you do that for me, Kana-chan?” 

—  And then she’d left. 

Kana’s eyes filled with tears. That had always been easy for her to do — harnessing that rage, however, was more difficult. 

“ What was the point in giving life to someone if you wouldn’t love them?” She asked out loud, pulling from her own memories. Her voice shook and trembled as she allowed that rage to overflow, like a knocked-over pitcher of water. No. That was too soft a metaphor. It was more like a tidal wave that she felt.  “Did you only have me to have someone who would love you no matter what? Who could you lie to, hurt, and use as you please, just to throw me away the moment that I stopped being beneficial to you? Is that the only reason that I’m alive?” 

It wasn’t her intention to scream those last words, but they came out that way, her voice echoing throughout the set.

“I’m done,” Kana said, this time more quietly. “I won’t be your doll anymore.”

“Cut!” The clapperboard sounded once more — and she drew herself out of the moment.

One breath in.

Another out.

And like that —  she released that anger, allowing it to dissipate and simmer into a dull burn that was more easily ignored; stifled. 

“Arima-chan!” Shima said, sounding thrilled. “That was great stuff! I don’t think we need to re-shoot that scene at all!” He stood up and walked over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder before giving it an appreciative squeeze. “Nice work. You knocked it out of the park,” he said with a wink.

Kana smiled. Accepting praise was still somewhat difficult for her to manage, always a struggle not to let it inflate her ego or to let it go to her head. She could feel denials forming on her tongue, but she bit it to keep from speaking them. “Thank you,” she said instead of all of the self-deprecating things that came into her mind. 

She hoped that this would be enough. 

Then, she heard clapping —  cutting through her thoughts. Her eyes roved across the set, before landing on Kamiki-san, who had stood up. The man was smiling.

“Well done, Arima-san,” Kamiki-san said. 

“She’s good, isn’t she?” Shima-san asked, sounding proud. Almost like an adoring parent. Or he would have if she didn’t know that he was interested in her sexually. Ugh. Bad thought. 

Kamiki-san nodded in agreement,  “You really are the genius that many have claimed you to be.”

Kana should accept the praise — but she couldn’t. Something about being called a genius always set her off. “I’m not a genius,” she averted her eyes from the man. “I just try to work as hard as I can. Nothing more. Nothing less.” 

Kamiki’s head tilted to the side as he studied her. For a moment she wondered if she had said the wrong thing and wanted to kick herself for opening her big mouth again. “You said very much the same during your interview,” he said and her eyes grew wide. 

“You watched my interview?” 

“Yes. I’m sure that Shima-san told you, but I was impressed by your work on The Fan. You were also good as a child, but not many can translate that talent with them into adulthood,” he complimented, and she felt her chest grow warm from the praise. Even someone like him had noticed her talent? Still, she wished that it hadn’t been for that film. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in the 15-Year-Lie. There’s been quite a bit of buzz surrounding it.” 

“T-Thank you,” she stuttered, growing flustered beneath the praise. This guy really knew how to lay it on thick, huh? “Yeah. It’s quite the film.”

“Indeed it is,” Kamiki agreed as his lips curled into a smile. Somehow, that smile seemed familiar, though she couldn’t quite place it from who. Kana blinked. Perhaps the familiarity came from the fact that he was blonde and possessed a similar build to Aqua from what she could gather, even if she couldn’t see his eyes from beneath his sunglasses. “I’m quite curious to see how it turns out once it’s completed…. Hoshino Aquamarine is one of the lead writers, is he not? I had seen him making a name for himself as an actor over the last year but I had no idea he had a talent for script-writing as well. Though, I’m most interested in your acting, Arima-san.”

His voice trailed off as he regarded her. Even without seeing his eyes, she could sense the heaviness of this man’s gaze. It was somewhat unsettling, the way that he seemed to look right through her, as though he were dissecting her. She wondered if Shima-san was wrong about this man — and he really was some kind of creep. Then again, unlike Shima-san, she had never heard of Kamiki-san being involved in any kind of scandal. He had a glowing reputation, with anyone who came into contact with him speaking to his character, though a part of her wondered if that was mostly due to the man’s wealth. 

“Why me?” She asked, unable to help herself.

“There is something about your acting that I haven’t seen before,” Kamiki said, “I told Shima-san more or less the same thing.”

Shima nodded, “He did. He seemed pretty happy when I approached him about our project,” The older man gave a chuckle, “ He said he was going to reach out to you himself at some point, but I beat him to the punch.” 

Kana blinked at this information. Something he hadn’t seen before? While she knew she was good, there were definitely actresses out there that were even better. Kurokane Akane was certainly among that number, as much as she hated to admit it. Her rival has soared to new heights after Tokyo Blade, while Kana had been left in the dust. As of now, her fame was comparable to that of Shiranui Frill’s.

The self-deprecation was at the tip of her tongue. He has to be exaggerating, she thought . He just wants to butter me up. These big producer types all say the same thing but they don’t really mean it unless you can make them money. 

She bit her tongue, swallowing those bitter words down. “That’s high praise coming from someone like you,” Kana said with a forced smile. “Thank you,” she said, because you were supposed to thank people who said nice things to you, weren’t you? 

“You don’t agree?” Kamiki asked, surprising her. 

“What?”

“Your eyes,” he informed her, his smile growing. “You can usually tell when someone is lying through their eyes. It’s easy when you know what to look for.”

That was… a bit unnerving but she kept that comment to herself. He was quite perceptive, wasn’t he? Then again, she imagined that he came across different kinds of people all of the time in his line of work. Being able to read people well was a useful skill to have in the world of entertainers. Hadn’t she had to cultivate that very same skill? “I have just come to realize that most people lay on that kind of praise without even really knowing anything about me. They say it because they want something — not because they really mean it. So, it’s hard to believe those words.”

“Very true,” The blonde man agreed. “Such is the nature of many in the entertainment industry. It is a world fraught with sycophants and liars who will say whatever they must to get ahead or to get what they want, so it’s good that you’re cautious.”

He paused for a moment, and she could feel the heavy weight of his gaze again even from behind his glasses. “However, I value honesty above all else.”

He said those words with so much conviction that it was difficult to imagine that he was lying. 

“Honesty?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “—and your acting conveys a kind of honesty that I’ve rarely seen within young talent. I’d appreciate it if you extend that honesty to your interactions with me as well, and I will do the same in return.”

What an odd guy. 

She would agree to whatever he said as long as he sponsored her, though. 

“Does that mean that you plan on funding the project?” Shima cut in, hopeful. Kana had nearly forgotten that he was even there. Kamiki-san had quite the presence; the kind of magnetism that drew your attention, drowning out the world around him. When he spoke, you listened. 

It was somewhat similar to the air that surrounded Aqua and Ruby. 

However, perhaps that was because he was another blonde and admittedly, Aqua had been on her mind often these last few days. 

“It does,” Kamiki-said cheerfully. He then turned his attention back to Kana. “In the spirit of honesty, I also wanted to say that I’m glad that you kept the roses. I saw them in your interview.”

Kana blinked, “Those were from you?” She asked, surprised. She had figured they were from a fan since the flowers were the same color as her glow stick. Though the attached note had praised her for her role in The Fan and not her idol work. She’d been pretty proud when she had received them, -- the first gift that she had received in years for a well-received leading role. There hadn’t been a return address aside. However, she still wondered about who her mysterious benefactor could be -- after all, who even liked her enough to send roses of all things? Miyako-san said they had been sent to the Strawberry Productions office and had simply forwarded the flowers to her address the following day.  

“They were,” he said in response. Shima laughed beside him. “I’ve heard that you do that often for any talent that catches your eye. Kind of like a calling card.”

“Well, yes. People deserve a reward when they’ve done well. And what better way to reward talent than with beauty? A flower is fleeting but shines just as brightly as a star while it’s alive," he said, lifting his hand in somewhat of a flourish. His lips twitched, as though amused, strangely enough."You need to appreciate the time that it’s in bloom.”

“How poetic,” Kana murmured, flushing from the praise. She’d never had her acting described in such a way and was unable to help the bubble of excitement that she could feel building in her chest. If someone like Kamiki-san saw her talent, then this could be a real chance to get herself out there. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that — that she had caught Kamiki-san’s eye enough to warrant this much attention. What did this man even want from her? She didn’t completely buy Shima’s explanation that his interest was just about but wasn’t this the chance that she had been waiting for? 

“Didn’t take you for a romantic,” Shima commented, amused. “Who knew that you were a bleeding heart! Or are you just a sucker for a pretty face like that producer, Kaburagi-san?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Kamiki joked with a soft laugh before turning his attention back to Kana. “Did you like the flowers?” His tone was warm and affable, but it was clear that he was fishing for something, even if she wasn’t sure what he was looking for. He’d mentioned honesty being important to him. Was he checking to see if she’d lie? 

“I did,” she admitted, which was the truth. “I thought the flowers were from a fan. I hadn’t had a fan think to send me anything like that in years.” She’d been proud enough to display the flowers in her apartment. “I was really happy to receive them. Thank you.”

“You are most welcome,” he said, almost indulgently. 

“Kamiki-san, would you come with me?” Shima cut in with a grin, “I’d like to discuss some of the logistics of what I have in mind for this film, and while we’re discussing that we can also start thinking of what kind of contract we want to draw up.” The blonde man’s gaze shifted over to the director as he inclined his head. He nodded, before turning his attention back to her. “Duty calls,” Kamiki-san said, giving the brim of his hat a flick in her direction. It was oddly charming.

 “It was very nice to finally make your acquaintance, Arima-san,” he said to her. “I’m sure that we’ll have more opportunities to chat in the future,” he reached into his pocket before pulling out a business card that he kept tucked in between his index and middle finger, holding it out to her. Kana took the card, looking down at it. It was remarkably plain for such a well-known man -- the writing printed in bold but simple lettering. “I’ll be in touch,” he said, his smile growing wider. “You are affiliated with Strawberry Productions, right?” 

Kana nodded, still mutely shocked as she still stared at the business card in her hands. Kamiki Hikaru had given her his business card. The Kamiki Hikaru. 

“Yes?” She said, wanting to smack herself for framing what was supposed to be a statement as a question. She sounded so unsure of herself! 

“Hmm,” he mused, “That name feels nostalgic.”

“Nostalgic?” She asked, furrowing her brow. “How so?” That seemed like an out of place comment.

“I was something of a B-Komachi fan in my youth,” he answered, which explained everything. He must have been a fan of Ai, but then again, nearly everyone had been a fan of hers. She was a talent that had been impossible to ignore. “I followed Ai’s career quite closely,” he continued. “I have to say, you have handled the mantle quite well, along with Hoshino Ruby.”

Of course, he’d mention Ruby.

“Yes, she’s amazing,” Kana said, and she meant it even if she couldn’t deny some of the jealousy that stirred in her heart at the mention of Ruby. The girl had all but shot to stardom in such a short amount of time that it was almost dizzying. Then again, she had always been like that — magnetizing, drawing one in with her genuine love for idols and the culture that surrounded them. Kana had known it would only be a matter of time before she soared high above them all.

And yet, it still stung all the same. 

I’m just her follower, Kana thought, bitterness gathering at the tip of her tongue. Will she outshine me even in acting now that she’s been given this role? It was an awful thought -- and she was ashamed to admit that she had worried about that from the moment that she had been offered a role in the 15-Year-Lie . Kana tried to hide it. Of course she wanted her friend to do well. She wanted to see Ruby succeed, but that fear still remained, clinging to her like wet cloth that soaked her to the core. Ruby shone radiantly — as brilliantly as her mother had, and Kana was far too used to being overshadowed by the light of other brighter stars. It was nauseating, this envy. 

Ruby didn’t deserve to have her friend covet her in such a way.

“She is,” Kamiki agreed with a soft click of his tongue. “Though she’s not the only one with talent there. To think that agency has managed to amass such a large pool of young talent in such a short amount of time.”

Kana couldn’t stop herself from staring at the older man. “What—”

“Good luck, Arima Kana-san,” he said. “I’ll be keeping my eye on you.” He gave her a wave. “Perhaps I’ll pay you a visit at Strawberry Productions’ office? I have been meaning to for some time now.” 

He had? Why? 

“The director won’t like it if you try to poach any of the talent there,” she said and nearly bit her tongue. Why was it always so difficult to keep her snarky comments to herself? She somehow always managed to rub people the wrong way by speaking thoughtlessly. Luckily, Kamiki didn’t seem to be offended by her comment and laughed. “I would never do something so callous,” he said, tone light. “I suppose you can say that I’m just…curious.”

Curious?

He didn’t give her an opportunity to voice her confusion, before Shima-san cleared his throat once more. Kamiki gave the other man an apologetic smile before tilting his head towards her. “Until we meet again,” He said as he turned on his heel. She watched him follow Shima-san off set, squeezing the business card in her hands, holding the card-stock tightly. She wondered how such a light piece of paper could feel so heavy. 

Kana lifted it, turning it around in between her fingertips. 

He had written something on the back — what seemed to be his personal number and a name.

Miki. 

Huh.

Was that some kind of a nickname? 

Maybe he is a creep, she thought with a frown, before pocketing the card.

Creep or not -- a connection was a connection. She wouldn’t turn down an opportunity just because he might be into her for less than altruistic reasons. She had already decided to bet on this path.

And Kana would be going all in. 

----