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Hyunjin outright stares at him, but Minho said what he said. He’s not taking it back.
“...wait, really?” the younger asks, while his head tilts so far that Hyunjin might be giving Doongie a run for his money. It’s cute. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure,” Minho insists, because Hyunjin should really know better than to think Minho goes around doing things he doesn’t want to do. He absolutely doesn’t.
(That’s part of why it’s taken them almost two months to get to this conversation, probably. Because Minho wouldn’t risk the foundation they’ve built and Hyunjin’s sense of security and comfort around him without thinking long and hard about it first. He’s sure.)
“Hyung…,” Hyunjin says anyway, wide eyes flickering across Minho’s slightly flushed face. He grabs onto the duvet and hopes Hyunjin won’t mistake Minho’s nerves for uncertainty. “I just mean, are you sure? Like, really?”
“Yes,” Minho repeats. This is not a big deal. Maybe that’s at least sixty percent of him telling himself as much, but it really shouldn’t be. “Hyunjin-ah, I thought we already established that I don’t spend my time lying to you.”
Hyunjin blinks.
“So you want me to top?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Thankfully, Hyunjin doesn’t have an answer to that.
“Because I want to,” Minho emphasizes, ignoring his pounding heart just a bit longer, “and because I think you should know that. If you hate topping, that’s fine, obviously, we can figure that out, or if you changed your mind, obviously, that’s fine, I just--”
“I didn’t change my mind,” Hyunjin interrupts, and when Minho raises his eyes to look back at him there’s a pink tint to Hyunjin’s cheeks that weren’t there a few minutes ago. “Hyung, it’s… No, I think I just assumed. Of course I’ll top if that’s what you’d prefer. Of course. I’d love that.”
“Okay,” Minho breathes, feeling like they’re getting somewhere and he might not need to feel as nervous anymore. “Okay, good. It seems fair. I’ll trust you to take care of me this time around, you know? You will, right?”
“Yes!” Hyunjin exclaims, almost affronted that Minho would even suggest otherwise. Cute cute cute. “Yeah, of course I will, hyung, I’ll-- Yeah, of course, whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me. Well, it matters, I just meant--”
“I know what you meant,” Minho says, being the one to interrupt this time. Hyunjin is nervous too, he can’t help but notice. Excited, judging by his blush and faint smile and decreasing distance between their bodies, but also nervous. “I know. Me too.”
Hyunjin’s lips are parted as if intending to say anything further, but he doesn’t. He just nods, and then he leans onto his hands planted into the sheets on each side of Minho’s crossed legs, and then he kisses Minho who only gasps briefly before responding properly. It’s tentative and careful, but it doesn’t take long before Hyunjin’s mouth grows more insistent and his hovering upper body pushes closer and closer until Minho simply relaxes his abs and falls onto his back. Hyunjin remains where he is, but only as long as it takes Minho to wave his grabby hands at the younger before Hyunjin crawls on top of him to resume the kissing.
Since they appear to be on the same page - or mostly, at least - Minho lets his hands trail down Hyunjin’s side until they catch on the hem of his shirt and pulls playfully, hinting at what he wants but leaving the actual motion to Hyunjin himself. It’s not Minho’s fault that his boyfriend is gorgeous, or that the word ‘beautiful’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. He wants to appreciate Hyunjin fully, even though they’re taking their sweet time getting there. Minho doesn’t mind that. He loves that he’s had almost two months of practice to perfect the way he kisses Hyunjin quickly, slowly, spontaneously, with intent. That he’s learning how to read Hyunjin’s body language and facial expressions and when he speaks up and when he doesn’t.
Minho loves being with Hyunjin, there’s no way around it. He feels entranced by the younger, feels hooked and addicted and dependent. It’s a bit terrifying, in the darkness and loneliness of nights spent without Hyunjin, but Minho tries not to think about it outside of those moments. He can worry about getting too attached some other time. Right now, he’s focusing on enjoying getting attached to the younger. Or he will in a bit, at least.
“It’s still there,” he murmurs when Hyunjin sits up to remove his shirt and Minho gets a full view of his front. There’s much to look at, from elegant clavicles to firm pecs to the line between the faint shadow of Hyunjin’s abs in the dim light of Minho’s bedroom. He’s not referring to either of those, though.
There’s also a red line across his stomach, slightly up to the side of his hip bone, and Minho can’t inspect it as closely as he’d like from this angle but he can tell that it’s healed well. It looks okay. It looks like a scar that should never have grazed Hyunjin’s body in the first place, but considering the circumstances, Minho admits that it turned out as well as he could’ve hoped for.
“It’ll probably stay there,” Hyunjin replies calmly, as if he wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Maybe he isn’t. “I’ve only been stitched up in hospitals before, but the result is the same, isn’t it? That’s what it’s supposed to look like?”
“It is,” Minho confirms, reaching a - thankfully - steady hand out to trace the shape of it with his fingers. Hyunjin sucks his tummy in from the action, but he doesn’t move away. “It looks good. I’m really glad.”
“So am I,” Hyunjin laughs briefly, relaxing his abdomen once more. “Thanks, Doc.”
Minho’s only response to that is pulling Hyunjin back down on top of him until they’re grinning into each other’s mouths, pretty much, but Minho loves that too, so.
He also loves running his hands over Hyunjin’s bare skin, he realizes quickly. Tiny sighs and breathless gasps of air are exchanged between them as Minho traces the muscles of Hyunjin’s back, the distinct angles of Hyunjin’s shoulder blades, the dips at the bottom right above his pajama pants. So much more of Hyunjin to appreciate, so much uncharted territory left to explore. Minho has half a mind to stop them here so he can be thorough in his investigation of this part of Hyunjin’s body before discarding it for the rest.
He doesn’t, naturally. Not when he knows that the alternative will make them both feel so much better, and there’s nothing stating that he can’t be thorough with that first.
“Wanna take yours off, too?” Hyunjin asks quietly, nosing his way down Minho’s cheek to his jaw to his neck, trailing light kisses as he goes. It’s maddening, but also sweet somehow. “Can I?”
“Yeah,” Minho agrees, sort of unwilling to get his own hands off of the younger. “Please. All of it. ‘Wanna feel you.”
“Hyung,” Hyunjin whispers, and then nothing. Minho can’t quite tell where that response was going, but he figures there are other things to focus on at the present. Hyunjin’s nimble fingers on Minho’s waist, for example.
His shirt comes off far slower than Hyunjin threw his own aside, almost as if every inch of Minho is being inspected in turn. That’s okay, he thinks. He supposes he can’t blame Hyunjin for that, considering his own repressed sense of urgency. Besides, Minho doesn’t feel bad about the way Hyunjin looks at him. There’s lots of things in Hyunjin’s eyes, like approval and excitement and concentration, and none of them indicate anything bad, just as Minho prophesied. He wants Hyunjin, and he’s all the more confident with every passing moment that Hyunjin wants him in return.
“You’re so fit,” Hyunjin giggles, biting his lip despite the wide smile as he lets one hand familiarize itself with Minho’s chest while the other balances his own weight. The touch is welcome, and surprisingly enough sort of soothing. Minho squeezes Hyunjin’s waist in response. “I mean I knew you were, but… Hyung, you’re really so attractive. Maybe I should hide all your shirts from now on.”
“Wow,” Minho laughs in return, delighting in the way Hyunjin squeezes his thighs together on either side of Minho’s. “Thanks, bug. Are you really gonna try stealing from a thief, though?”
“Yes,” Hyunjin confides, leaning in until their lips and noses brush despite their smiles, “and whether I’m lucky enough to get away with it or lucky enough to get caught, only time will tell.”
Minho only hums before hooking both arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders and pressing him down, until their chests are sharing both heat and pounding heartbeats. Hyunjin’s lips must be laced with some kind of drug, because Minho finds himself debating on giving up on breathing rather than kissing him.
As with their shirts, Minho is the first one to paw at the waistband of Hyunjin’s pants. Unlike their shirts, Minho gets to undress Hyunjin completely as he only wiggles helpfully while Minho pulls, slower than he’s ever undressed himself. He can’t really look, can’t really see much of what he’s unraveling, but Minho doesn’t care about that because he knows that Hyunjin is naked and he knows that it’s because he wants to be. Because he’s choosing to.
“My turn,” Hyunjin murmurs against the corner of Minho’s mouth as his thumbs find Minho’s sweats and he tugs experimentally. “Is it okay?”
“Completely,” Minho promises. He’s a bit out of practice, but not necessarily shy. Definitely not doubtful. He has no doubts. There are zero doubts in his head. “Get it off. Everything. And you can grab the blanket if you want.”
Hyunjin nods dutifully before doing all of those things. It’s all Minho can do to exercise his patience and stay still when Hyunjin reaches behind him for the soft blanket Minho keeps near his bed at all times, but he can’t help the small burst of laughter when Hyunjin drapes it over his own shoulders and then folds himself nicely across Minho’s body on the mattress once more. He’s so cute, and there’s something akin to eagerness brightening up his eyes. His dark hair is all tousled and falling into his eyes, his lips are full and pink after the incessant kissing they’ve been doing, and he looks happy. He looks as happy as Minho feels.
“Good?” he asks, watching Hyunjin nod once he’s all situated, body against body. Their smiles are slightly more muted after the unmistakable skin-on-skin contact they’re maintaining, but not because they’re any less happy, Minho doesn’t think.
“Really good,” Hyunjin confirms anyway. “I feel really good, hyung. I’m glad we’re doing this. I’m glad I get to do this with you.”
“Me too, Hyunjinnie,” Minho replies, grateful that Hyunjin is saying everything Minho has been thinking. “This is cozy, don’t you think? My romantic little boyfriend.”
“Shut up,” Hyunjin says automatically, cheeks suddenly much fuller with the force of his wide smile. “Everything doesn’t have to be romantic, hyung, you know that, right? I like what we’re doing. You don’t have to change anything for me.”
“I know that,” Minho mumbles back, hand coming up to touch the side of Hyunjin’s face and silently grateful for every word that leaves the younger. “I wanna make you smile, though. You always make me smile. ‘Feels like I should be returning the favor.”
“My silly hyung,” Hyunjin laughs, leaning down to kiss his cheek loudly, “there’s no favor to be returned here. I try to make you happy because I want to. Yes, I’d like to be happy in return, but I very much am when you cook for me rather than leave notes in my pocket. I promise. I like you so much, Minho. So, so much.”
“Likewise,” Minho whispers before tilting his head sideways to find Hyunjin’s mouth with his own.
He marvels a bit at how easily Hyunjin admits it, how daringly he says it. As if admitting his feelings was the most natural thing in the world and nothing scary could ever result from it. Minho doesn’t think that Hyunjin is scared of Minho changing his mind, of this thing between them crashing and burning for some reason, of whatever ‘getting too attached’ even means. He can’t quite wrap his head around what living like that would feel like, but he’s willing to bet that it’s nice. Judging by how much more easy-going and optimistic Hyunjin is than Minho, he thinks it must be nice.
He winces inwardly when they fall back into motion and Minho has to explain that he maybe kind of mostly already prepared himself during his shower earlier, but Hyunjin only nods with a knowing smile and another firm kiss before reaching downwards to see for himself. His fingers would have been dry if it weren’t for the fact that he held them out in front of Minho’s mouth first, a silent question which Minho decided to answer by parting his lips and sucking them down for a heavy-lidded moment.
Dark, expectant eyes watch Minho’s every facial muscle move when the first slick fingertip circles his rim, and it takes several maddening seconds for Hyunjin to actually slip the first finger inside. It gives quite easily, as a result of Minho’s previous efforts, and also of his own saliva smoothening the glide. Which is a bit maddening in itself, really. He can’t help the small sigh that leaves him and he really tries his best to relax, because he knows that’s the way to go even though he hasn’t been in this exact position in a long, long time. Having someone else prod at him is much different from doing it himself, Minho is well aware.
“Hyung,” Hyunjin calls softly, still hovering above Minho’s torso while his arm has disappeared out of sight but absolutely remains in mind. “Hyung, tell me what you need. What you want. Tell me everything. You’re letting me in so well. ‘Makes me really happy.”
Minho thinks he can feel some of his forgetful muscles unclench a bit at that. It’s surprisingly hard to get out of his head and all the time that’s passed since he last did this with someone and whether Hyunjin really wants this and what he might be expecting of Minho and--
“Minho hyung,” Hyunjin tries again, and this time Minho actually focuses enough to see him smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Minho replies, startled into laughter by the unexpected greeting. “Hi there, little bug.”
“I meant that you’re letting me into your pretty head,” Hyunjin continues, still smiling, “but I guess it stretches to your body opening up for me as well. I know it’s hard. You have to tell me if you change your mind, hyung. I promise it’s okay. I’ll always be happy for any excuse to hug you.”
“You’re sweet,” Minho tells him quietly, the laughter more muted but still present inside of him. “I haven’t, though. I won’t. ‘Just haven’t done this in a while. ‘s why I’m giving you the reins instead.”
Surprise flickers across Hyunjin’s face, and Minho isn’t sure whether to feel flattered or not. Considering how guarded he is, can that really be so unexpected?
“Okay,” Hyunjin settles on, a new-found determination shining in his eyes. “Excuse me for being blunt, but that probably means you’re clean, right?”
Stunned, Minho nods. Yeah, it does.
A grin unlike any of the other smiles tonight crosses Hyunjin’s lips, and then he kisses Minho forcefully before crawling down Minho’s body and getting swallowed up by the blanket. The movements are too fast for him to follow, so when Hyunjin prods and pokes at Minho’s legs until they’re spread apart with the younger between them, there’s really not much he can do but stay obediently still exactly where Hyunjin wants him to.
“Pinch me,” is all Hyunjin says, finding Minho’s hand and placing it over his own, and then he licks a firm stripe across Minho’s opening.
“Oh, my fucking God,” Minho keens immediately, bracing himself mentally and physically for what Hyunjin seems intent on doing to him. “Hyunjin, you-- Oh, my God.”
A pleased hum is the only reply he gets, and then the tip of Hyunjin’s tongue is inside of him, and then the finger from before, and then both at the same time, and Minho is glad he keeps his nails trimmed because he might have torn the skin on Hyunjin’s otherwise.
“Baby,” he pants, moaning out loud when Hyunjin groans at the pet name and speeds up, and suddenly wonders how suffocating it must be beneath the blanket so he pulls it off. A dark head and darker eyes meet him almost instantly, but the smirk is visible despite that. Minho is suddenly glad that Hyunjin’s other hand is digging into his thigh to keep him grounded.
He doesn’t really know if Hyunjin has done this a lot - he can’t quite tell because he doesn’t know how to and he also can’t really focus on that - but what he does know is that Hyunjin is eager, is happy to please, is excited and turned on and rejuvenated by every sound Minho makes. Considering Minho’s previous saliva and Hyunjin’s current, there’s no blatant need for the bottle of lube in Minho’s nightstand and he’s all the more grateful that he doesn’t need to move an inch to get anything.
It feels so good. It really, really does. Minho is hard enough for it to hurt a bit, considering how quickly he went from turned on to slightly crazed, but nothing unbearable. The throbbing is more of a background thing, a semi-sweet distraction from all the words leaving him with every sensation Hyunjin brings him. It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. Minho gets the sense that he was right to put himself in Hyunjin’s careful hands.
“Baby,” he repeats, simply because Hyunjin makes another soft noise before pulling away to catch his breath, two fingers still playing with Minho’s most sensitive spots. “Come on, Hyunjinnie. Come back. Come here.”
With a press of a wet kiss to Minho’s inner thigh, Hyunjin leaves his spot between the older’s legs to climb back up. Minho automatically parts his legs to give him some space, and they groan in unison when Hyunjin lowers himself for a slow grind that leaves them both wanting more.
“‘Want you,” Minho makes sure to murmur, because he does, he really, really does. “Come on inside. You did such a good job, baby. ‘Want you to feel good, too.”
“I always feel good with you,” Hyunjin replies, which should be cheesy but somehow isn’t. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t sound like a line at all. It sounds like Hyunjin is being genuine, and the kiss he leaves on Minho’s jaw only heightens it.
It takes some shuffling and Hyunjin ends up reaching for the drawer beside the bed, fishing both lube and a condom out of there. He doesn’t mention how Minho said it’s been a while and yet had his protection ready to go, and Minho doesn’t mention how he only procured any a mere two weeks back. They can talk about that later. For now, Minho ignores just about everything except how soft and warm and appreciated Hyunjin feels above him, and how much his nose tickles Minho’s neck and how cutely Hyunjin laughs whenever Minho wrinkles his nose because of it.
“Ready?” Hyunjin asks, a bright but slightly nervous smile on his lips as he lines up and waits for Minho’s permission. “Still sure?”
“Ready,” Minho confirms, writhing and making a face when that doesn’t help in getting Hyunjin all the way inside. It makes his boyfriend laugh though. “Still sure. Go on, baby.”
Hyunjin nods, and then he moves, and then he’s slowly entering the exact same space where Minho wants him most. It’s a lot, Minho must admit, but he doesn’t change his mind despite the burn. He doesn’t regret it. He just smiles bashfully when Hyunjin describes how amazing he feels, and wiggles a bit when Hyunjin chases his cheeks for more kisses, and sighs happily once Hyunjin stills all the way inside. He needs some getting used to it again, there’s no denying that, but Hyunjin is careful and that’s a good thing. It means that Minho hasn’t had to worry about anything, and that means a lot to him.
“You’re so handsome,” Hyunjin smiles, content in staring at Minho while they catch their breaths and get used to each other in the most intimate of ways. “God, you’re handsome. The most handsome man on this planet, I think. Maybe in the universe. I think there’s a bunch of aliens who’d be really jealous of me right now.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Minho laughs in reply, loosened up by the ‘worst part’ being over with and Hyunjin’s smile once it is and also his stupid words in attempts to do exactly this; relaxing Minho at maximum level to make sure he feels as good as possible.
He closes his eyes for a second as the thought sinks in, because Minho has no doubt that it’s true. Wow.
“I feel really happy right now,” Hyunjin murmurs secretively, playing with some of Minho’s dark hair at the corner of his eye. “I’m glad we waited a bit. I feel like you trust me now and that means a lot to me. I want you to. I want you to rely on me for things.”
“‘Things’ being orgasms?” Minho asks smartly.
“Among other things,” Hyunjin replies cheekily, not missing a beat. “Now tell me how you feel, hyung.”
“Full,” Minho tells him, matter of fact, to which they both laugh. The movement echoes inside of him, but Hyunjin makes the effort to stay still and Minho is grateful for it. “Happy, too. And pleased, like you said. You’ve been vulnerable with me and I wanted to try with you, too. I’m glad. I suck at accepting care and affection but I wanna work on it.”
“You really don’t suck at that at all,” Hyunjin argues, still light-hearted. “The more you’re opening up, the more you accept it. I’ve showered you with compliments and you only become cuter, hyung. The character development is incredible.”
This time when Minho laughs, his boyfriend tries out a careful thrust. Whatever Minho wants to call this initial period of pillowtalk, it’s been effective enough to relax him completely and the way Hyunjin moves inside of him now feels just as good as his fingers and mouth did earlier. He keeps his arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s back, holding on with fingers and nails as Hyunjin rocks into him gently and pleasantly, warming him up from his core. He still looks eager, judging by the look in his eye. Hyunjin still seems happy, and excited, and maybe even pleased with himself.
Minho will have to remind himself to return the favor of compliments and foreplay and mind-blowing pleasure next time, because this one is for receiving it, clearly. Hyunjin is too far away from Minho’s reach, which seems to be on purpose, but close enough to keep the intimacy soft and pleasant. Minho can’t kiss him without dropping his hands and getting on his elbows, but he mewls softly when Hyunjin gets on his elbows to kiss and lick and bite Minho’s neck. All the while steadily pumping in and out of him, because the predictable movements are really quite lovely and Minho thinks he’s kind of getting lost in them.
He clings to Hyunjin inside his grasp, absolutely refusing to let him go further than necessary, and focuses on breathing since he seems to forget that quite a bit. But there’s Hyunjin, of course, reminding him to and praising him when he does, and coaxing small sounds out of Minho that he doesn’t recognize but learns to appreciate simply because of the way they make Hyunjin look at him after.
It’s slow, like many things in their relationship have been. And Minho loves that, like many things in their relationship so far. He loves that they take their time, that Hyunjin seems to want to drag each minute out the way Minho does, the way they’re both reluctant to have any moment end. Minho loves that he doesn’t need to feel pressured or perceived or even pushed when he’s with Hyunjin. He doesn’t have to change things because Hyunjin already knows what he’s like, and he’s known that from the very beginning. He’s been a little persistent at most, but Minho isn’t bothered by that. If this is the way Hyunjin was meant to make him feel, then he’s only grateful that he’s allowed to feel it despite his initial cautiousness.
When Minho’s climax inevitably arrives, it’s nothing like an exploding star or a free fall from a plane. It’s every cell in his body vibrating at the same frequency until he feels weightless, and every drop of blood heating up at the same time as if a warm wave suddenly washed over him. It’s Hyunjin’s body reacting so strongly that it follows right behind, and sweaty shapes clinging to one another in a soft and mutual afterglow.
“Thank you,” Minho whispers, even though he’s not sure about the specific object of his gratitude.
“No, Minho,” Hyunjin replies, just as quietly and straight into the warmth of his skin, “thank you. You made tonight happen and I couldn’t have wished for anything else. Thank you, hyung.”
“I’m not sure I would’ve for anyone else, little bug,” Minho admits, even though he doesn’t feel quite so bad about it right now. He can’t imagine even faking interest in anyone now that he knows what being Hyunjin’s boyfriend is like. “Will you stay the weekend again? ‘Don’t wanna let you out of my sight.”
“I’ll stay,” Hyunjin says, and it sounds like a promise. He even seals it with a kiss to the corner of Minho’s mouth. “Of course I’ll stay. And I’ll be your cuddle bug the whole time.”
“Perfect,” Minho smiles, leaning his own head towards his precious Hyunjinnie in search of another kiss. “If you’re not clinging to me like an octopus the whole time, what’s the point?”