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Levi had never once celebrated his birthday. He didn’t even know when it was. It could be in the summer, could be in the winter but Levi would be none the wiser. It wasn’t like children like him born in the Underground had birth certificates they could rely on, they could only imagine or make up a special day for themselves. Not Levi though, he thought that the idea of celebrating birthdays was trivial, unimportant, it was only a day to remind you that you were a year older. Why did he need a yearly reminder when it was obvious enough, he wasn’t a kid or a teenager anymore. Those days were long gone, and birthday or not Levi knew that. It wasn’t like he needed a birthday to fight Titans, so yeah why bother with such a inconsequential day.
Yet a certain blondie would have other ideas.
It was December the 24th, and expeditions beyond the walls had seized during the winter months. Journeying on horseback was impossible because of thick layers of snow. The short days and foggy mornings caused expedition times to be cut back significantly. The harsh temperatures and sharp winds made the travel unbearable for the soldiers, and with these unkind conditions, it wasn’t worth the risk of venturing out beyond the walls while they waited upon spring.
The winter months meant more free time for the soldiers. Many went back home and visited friends and family for a few weeks while the others stayed back at base. Both Levi and Erwin were the latter and while Levi used this time to clean every nook and cranny of the Survey Corps home, Erwin still seemed to find ways to busy himself with important jobs. It wasn’t unusual for Levi to stop by late at night at Erwin’s office to see him busy looking over written reports, or thinking up new strategies for the Corps during the spring. Levi made it a habit to bring Erwin a cup of tea, he’d be damned if it was coffee, when he knew that Erwin was working well into the night. Then those habits turned into Levi staying there late, sitting on the sofa and keeping Erwin company as he worked away.
Before either of them knew it, it became normal for Levi to be in Erwin’s office after midnight, and when he wasn’t it completely destroyed Erwin’s normality, and he couldn’t focus. Levi’s present was grounding, he liked learning all these little things about Levi... like why he holds his cup the way he does, and his favourite tea flavour, along with everything else that makes Levi tick.
Erwin didn’t know what it was, but these moments, no matter how small and trivial, were a great ordeal to him. They were intimate times where both of them could be themselves, to not have to worry about being a section commander with aspirations for Commander, and subordinate. Their walls could finally crumble, even if only a chip at a time.
Tonight was no different. Levi was here and it had just gone 10pm. Sometimes Erwin didn’t have much work to do, and he would be done a lot sooner, but Levi’s company meant that Erwin didn’t want to leave his desk so soon. It wasn’t like Erwin to be sat doing nothing but twiddling his thumbs, usually he had to be doing something, to have his mind occupied or it would start wandering to darker places.
But here he was sitting at his desk, notes written up, tea lukewarm as he pretended to read over his writing for the upteempth time. They were talking about birthdays and when everyone’s birthday was, though it was everyone’s but Levi’s.
“You don’t know when your birthday is?” Erwin asked, pausing his reading as he held the papers still in his hand. He was looking back at Levi and all Levi did was shake his head, like it was nothing to him. Erwin guessed that it was probably right that Levi didn’t know when his birthday was… after all he was born in the Underground to a prostitute. It unfortunately made a lot of sense even if Erwin didn’t want it to.
“No, I was too young when my mother died, and I guess no one, if anyone even knew, bothered to tell me.” and hearing this completely saddened Erwin. He knew when his birthday was, October 14th, and only until now did he realise how privileged he was to know this. He might not care to celebrate his birthday anymore, but at least as a child he had two loving parents who bought him cake and gifts, so for that he considers himself to be lucky and privileged in that sense.
“Don’t you ever wonder when your birthday is?” Erwin asked curiously, though he felt like he already knew the answer to the proposed question. He knew Levi well enough to know that he wasn’t losing sleep over not knowing when his birthday was.
“Not particularly, it's not like it stopped me from doing anything, and all it is, is a reminder of the fact we are getting old, that’s it, nothing special if you ask me.” Levi said pointedly like it was meant to be obvious to the blonde.
Erwin wasn’t completely satisfied with Levi’s response, “that’s because you’ve never had a chance to actually celebrate with people.” and Levi looked back sharply at Erwin, slightly narrowed eyes. His arms were folded against his chest, and they tensed knowing Erwin was stubborn enough to not drop the conversation until he was left satisfied.
“And what exactly would I do to celebrate blondie?” Levi clipped onto the end, perhaps to tease Erwin, to get under his skin a little. Erwin only gave him a half smile in response, a half chuckle following, “Well we could go drinking, go for a meal out, go around the market, and the lake is lovely at this time of year. It’s usually frozen over and the snow is quite beautiful if you ask me.”
Levi clicked his tongue, it all sounded too perfect and just not him at all. He didn’t go out for fancy meals, he didn’t go drinking and he only went to the market for his favourite tea and the cleaning supplies he needed once he ran out, and he definitely did not go sightseeing around a lake!
“Sounds awful,” Levi scoffed, and he looked away. He did that when he lied. He usually was a good liar, but when he was around Erwin he seemed to lose the ability to lie altogether. Erwin of course was privy to this behaviour of Levi and the red tinge to his ears didn’t go unnoticed either.
“Oh really?” Erwin quirked a brow upwards, and he sounded smug too. Smug bastard. “I know when you are lying to me Levi, you can never keep eye contact with me when you do, just admit those ideas interest you. I won’t judge, and it's definitely nothing to be embarrassed about.. We all like to indulge sometimes.”
By now the red tinge had reached his cheeks too. Alright, Erwin was smart and caught him out. “Fine.. maybe it sounded nice… a little.” Levi begrudgingly admitted. Maybe he would go down to the market and treat himself to some of the finer tea leaves, rather than his usual affordable lot. Maybe even indulge in some sugar to sweeten it since he usually just drank his tea plain, no milk or sugar as these were luxury commodities he could only dream about. Yeah.. that sounded quite nice actually. A small smile curved upwards.
“Good because I’ve already got an idea,” still that smugness was there. Levi slowly turned back around, so he was facing the front and facing Erwin. He was curious to say the least. “What idea?” but he was also quite frankly a little scared of this idea.
Erwin smiled wider, “your birthday is tomorrow, the 25th of December. I’m going to take you out to the market, we’ll grab food and take a walk in the snow, and I won’t let you say no. It’s an order.”
Levi’s eyes widened, he panicked and his heart raced. Levi had no idea what Erwin was even thinking, ordering that his birthday was to be on this random day, and then they were to spend the day together like it was some date. Erwin wasn’t thinking, that’s what Levi concluded. “You can’t just order me to have a birthday tomorrow, that’s not how it works,” Levi grumbled, and he hid his face in his arms.
“Why not?” Erwin asked like it was nothing unusual to do. “You said you don’t know when your birthday is, and I think you should at least get to celebrate the day, even if it's just this once and never again.”
“You don’t even need to think about it being a birthday, just a day of us heading out and relaxing. You are always reprimanding me that I need to relax or I will go grey before forty Levi.” That was true, Levi joked many times that Erwin overworked himself, that he was workaholic, and because of this he would be greying before he’s even dreaming of forty. “And I think you need to take a break too Levi.”
“Fine… just this once and then never spoke of again.”
Levi had to remind himself that it wasn’t a date despite the feelings.
“Meet me outside HQ doors at 10am Levi.”
Erwin was about to make sure that Levi had an unforgettable birthday.
It was 10am, both Levi and Erwin were at the HQ gates sharp. Levi was bundled up in his long trench coat, favourite sweater underneath, while a blue knitted scarf was wrapped tightly around his neck, and matching mittens warmed his hands. To say Levi hated the cold was an understatement. Erwin wasn’t much different but he didn’t look like he was drowning in a mountain of winter wear. He had a similar trench coat to Levi on, and an navy scarf hung loosely around his neck, and gloves adorned his hands. The sight before the blonde was cute though he kept those thoughts to himself. But Levi did look cute with his face buried deeply in his scarf and hands shoved in his pocket, while the cold air made the tips of his ears and nose glow red. Snowflakes began to sprinkle on top of his raven hair, yes he was just so adorable like this. Erwin wasn’t regretting this at all. It made Levi look almost vulnerable and child-like, something Levi rarely, if ever, showed.
“Ready to head out?” Erwin asked as he looked at Levi and all Levi did was mumble a small “yes,” underneath his scarf with a nod of the head.
They headed out together, hopping into a carriage as Erwin took Levi to a small market town. It wasn’t too far, perhaps a 20 minute drive on horse and carriage. The conversation was light, Levi wasn’t one for much small talk, so Erwin did most of the talking. He’d ask about what Levi wanted to do first, what he wanted to eat alongside other things. Levi’s answers, lets just say, were very much Levi like, short and quick, and barely gave anything away. Erwin didn’t mind as it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to Levi’s personality and company by now, and the cold weather was obviously making him grumpy. He’ll have to treat Levi to a warm cup of tea, or maybe spoil him with some hot chocolate to warm him up before they head around the winter market.
Levi was looking out the window, watching the snowfall. It was beautiful, he would admit that. He hadn’t seen snow before, he heard about it, but that was it. Seeing it with his own two eyes was a different story and being out in it like this did fill with him childlike curiosity. What did the snow feel like in the palm of his hand, can you eat it? Maybe experiencing it like this with Erwin for the first time wasn’t so bad after all.
Erwin was looking back at Levi, just admiring him silently yet Levi caught on as he looked back at him through the glass. Realising Erwin wasn't going to look away despite being caught made Levi look away, hiding his face in his scarf. His cheeks glowing red but this time it wasn’t only because of the cold.
“You know… you didn’t have to do this for me, the birthday and going out into town.” Levi said muffled, but Erwin could hear him, and it only made the blonde look and smile softly at him. A soft smile he had only ever shown to Levi. “I know I didn’t have to do this for you, but I wanted to Levi. I wanted you to experience a birthday, and spend some time with you.” Erwin wasn’t afraid to admit that now to Levi. He wanted more of his company, and he didn’t want to just experience it at HQ or on expeditions. He wanted to be able to relax in Levi’s presence. “Tch.. you know you are embarrassing sometimes Blondie,” and Erwin could only chuckle quietly in response. That was certainly a first but he didn’t mind it coming from Levi. “ But this is nice I admit, going into town with you and doing new things with you..” Levi admitted quietly, and he couldn’t bear to look at Erwin. Too afraid he would crack further into embarrassment than he already was. Erwin was smiling proudly, he had won Levi over already it seemed.
Erwin took a peak out of the carriage window as they had made to the already bustling market square. The blonde tapped on the carriage front and the horses came to a sudden halt and Erwin was climbing down the two metal steps first. He held the door open for Levi while he offered his hand forwards to the other. Levi was about to refuse but he didn’t, charmed even if he didn’t want to be. Erwin simply had that effect on him. He took the larger hand before he carefully climbed down the carriage’s steps, and mumbled a small “thanks," only for Erwin to respond, maybe it was a tease, "anytime."
Erwin gave the driver some money, and thanked him for the ride before they were left standing on the edge of the market. The blonde looked around, it was nearly 10:30am on a Sunday morning, but it was already quite busy. It wasn't often Erwin got relaxation time like this, so he was clueless in knowing if the Square would be busy on a Sunday morning or not. He assumed it might not be, but he was proven wrong. There was a first time for some things he supposed.
Levi was standing there, gloved hands back to being stuffed in his coat pocket. He looked rather awkward, like he was unsure on what he should be doing, or what to say. Levi wasn’t one for small talk and it definitely was not his forte. Erwin knew this, “it's a lot busier than I thought, I hope you don’t mind Levi?” Erwin asked as he came back around, now looking at the smaller man. Levi was still looking around, taking in all of his surroundings, surveying the people almost. He shook his head at the blonde’s comment, “It is what it is, and we are here now so we might as well make the most of it now right?”. "Right, yeah. We can't let the crowds put us off, so shall we get going, and look around." and Levi simply nodded, "lead the way Blondie."
They headed deeper into the market together. Erwin led the way, but Levi was right beside him. Levi was scrunched up, face buried deep into his scarf as he attempted to keep the bottom half of his face warm. His ears were back to being tinted a red colour, and his cute button nose was ruddy red too. It was cute and endearing, and Erwin couldn’t help himself but smile at Levi’s unusual behaviour. Levi was quick to catch on, noticing Erwin’s piercing sky blue eyes on him, and he was quickly looking up, annoyed, “What are you looking at? Something on my face?” And Erwin wanted to laugh, this only added to Levi’s adorableness but he held himself back. The blonde kept himself cool and composed, “oh nothing, it’s just I don’t know, if I tell you the truth you are actually going to kill me this time.”
This made Levi raise an eyebrow up at Erwin, “huh, now you’ve got to spit it out before I decide if I do actually kill you.” and Erwin couldn’t back down now, if Levi wanted to know he was going to find out one way or another, “Alright… I thought you looked cute like that… all scrunched up.” Erwin confessed, and the confession sure enough caught Levi off guard, “What the fuck Erwin… shut up. I am not cute.. do not call me that!” He said quickly and he was looking away from Erwin, back out in front of him. His cheeks were now glowing bright pink. Levi was mumbling incoherently to himself, Erwin couldn’t quite catch on. “Cute… what the fuck Erwin…”
Before they continued deeper into the market Erwin mumbled a quiet apology, but Levi didn’t want it. It was fine, no harm was done and if anything it sent Levi’s heart racing.
They stayed close to one another as they walked down each section. Erwin didn’t want to lose Levi amongst the crowd of people. He would place his hand on top of Levi’s shoulder or it would gently hover over his waist, guiding the other around herds of people without realising the act. Levi wanted to say something, he noticed the hand almost immediately, but couldn’t even get the right words out, and he definitely didn’t want a similar conversation to the ‘cute’ one. So, he went along with it, but he would only say it was to please Erwin, and not to prevent any more awkward conversations. They weaved in and out of moving and stilled groups of people and Erwin could tell that Levi wasn’t a fan of all the people dodging. He could see the antsy, annoyed scowl written clear as day across his face, and he definitely nearly barked at a woman as she unknowingly stepped in his way. The “you should look where you are going,” murmur did not go unnoticed by Erwin even if Levi believed so. Maybe Levi’s favourite tea stall will do him some favours and lighten his mood.
Levi was already there, with something like childlike wonder in his eyes as he examined all the tea flavours. His usual favourite bergamot tea was there and he picked up a bag without even needing to think twice. He knew he was low on bergamot at HQ. But there were some new flavours he hadn’t heard or seen before, and those bought out the curiosity and wonder that was always buried deep inside of him. Erwin picked up on it, he was watching Levi rather than the tea leaves anyway. “If there is something you’d like to try let me know,” Erwin encouraged as he didn’t want prices and money to put Levi off. It was his birthday after all. Levi didn’t even disagree like Erwin thought he might have, “there is so much to pick from, flavours I haven’t tried yet.” He picked up a bag of apple and cinnamon herbal tea. He put the loose bag to his nose, and it smelt good, so good that Levi wanted to try. “Apple and cinnamon is a good choice, it's perfect for this winter weather.” the lady who owned and made all the tea mixes said. Levi looked at her, believed her, “I want to try this, and maybe this one too,” and he picked up a small paper bag of winter berry herbal mix. Both sounded like they would warm the body during the rest of winter.
Levi was about to pay the lady out of his own pocket but Erwin was quick to stop him. He placed his hand on top of Levi’s before he could finish reaching out to the lady. “Let me Levi, and I insist, it's your birthday,” Erwin explained, and he didn’t want Levi spoiling himself on his birthday, Erwin wanted to do that instead. “You won’t let me, I just know it, but only this once.” Levi insisted, and he did hate it when people went out of their way to buy him things, he knew the importance of money. He struggled all his young life for it. After no arguments Erwin paid the stall owner the money and they headed along
As they walked the cobbled street Levi was clutching the brown paper bag close to his chest like it was the most valuable thing on the planet. Maybe the new tea leaves were invaluable to Levi. His mood has also loosened, the tea definitely charmed him and won Levi over. They continued their slow walk, occasionally going inside some shops too. Erwin had to stop by a hairdresser and buy his usual pomade. It was the only salon that sold the brand that he insisted on buying, and like Levi with his tea he was picky about what he put in his hair.
It was quite the fancy restaurant, one that Erwin was used to dining in with other important individuals, but one that Levi was less familiar with. The prices on the menu made Levi’s eyes gauge before he scoffed at the ridiculously high priced food. Dishes that only the well off middle-class could afford while everyone below them starved, or simply tried to survive. If he had his way he would not spend a penny here, but Erwin insisted that Levi deserved the treat, and that he wouldn’t have to pay a pretty penny anyway. Levi was about to open his mouth, but was quickly silenced by Erwin’s finger against his lips, “and that’s final,” he confirmed about paying for both of their meals, “besides when it's your birthday it's usually customary that they don’t pay.”
“At this rate you are going to be paying for everything,” Levi mumbled, arms folded, was he pouting? “And what if I am okay with that,” Erwin said, grinning slightly, a tease for sure. A flirt too. Levi wanted to call him out, to call him an awful flirt.
They ate nice food together, and for once Levi enjoyed the small talk. Well, both enjoyed and indulged in the fact that neither of them needed to talk about the Survey Corps. Their jobs were forgotten about, it was just Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman, no commander or subordinate, no underground rat.
By the end Levi didn’t know if he was smiling or not, maybe it was the alcohol getting to him. He did have a glass or two and he wasn’t usually a drinker but decided on it with the ‘fuck it’ attitude, and Erwin approved since he too had a couple of glasses with Levi. Sharing a nice bottle of white wine together. Levi would scoff at that if anyone would accuse him of being a wine drinker before today. Maybe it was the wine getting to his head, but also he liked to think it was a mix of the wine and Erwin’s company… yeah Erwin’s company, was he always this funny because Levi had definitely remembered laughing once or twice at Erwin’s comments. Maybe he should blame it all on the alcohol because it would certainly be easier that way, and not because he’s been charmed by Erwin or because he’s actually enjoying his company.
Erwin was smiling too, never before had he smiled so much, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had. And how? It was all because of one man, Levi Ackerman. The man who swore to kill him, the man who nearly did as he held his blade to Erwin. He still has the scar on his palm from where he grabbed at Levi’s blade, but Levi doesn’t need to know that. It wasn’t his fault, it was his job he was assigned, and he had just lost his two best friends, no his family. He was angry, full of regret before all that. So, Erwin holds no grudge against Levi. He never did, and never will because he understands the regret and self-blame for the loss of the people closest to you.
“Are you ready to head out Levi?” Erwin asked as he downed the last dredge of his wine. Levi was done too, waiting on Erwin actually. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he responded easily, and Erwin smiled, “good because there is somewhere I would like to take you before we head back to HQ.” Giving nothing away nor would he if Levi asked, it was a surprise and hopefully a good one by the end. He was going to do it.
"Where?" Levi asked as he walked quickly behind Erwin, looking up at him with eyes filled with questions that wanted answers. He wasn't one for surprises. He liked to know and liked to be in the loop about everything that concerned him. "You'll see, I promise its good and that you'll like it, trust me." And Levi did, "alright fine... I trust you."
Erwin guided Levi the whole way. He took him out of the bustling cobbled streets and out to the grassy snowy fields that lined the outskirts of the small market town. There was a lake frozen over and the sun reflected beautifully across it. Snow buried their feet and Levi already wasn’t liking the idea of the snow soaking his feet through. He was standing directly behind Erwin, arms folded against his chest in an effort to keep himself warm. Erwin hadn’t looked back at him yet, and Levi was beginning to think something was wrong. The blonde hadn’t said anything either, it was just silence except for the sounds of nature surrounding them.
“Erw-” but was immediately cut off by the blonde. “Levi,” he said and finally he turned around. Levi wasn’t sure if he looked nervous, he never saw the man ever show nerves before. Not when he held a blade to his throat or they were surrounded by titans. But now, standing on snowy grass in front of a frozen lake, Erwin was nervous.
“There is something I want to say to you Levi before it is too late, before I may never get a chance to do this again, so just hear me out for a moment.” and Levi simply nodded, silently urging Erwin to continue.
…
“I like you Levi… I think more than I should despite everything. I enjoy the nights we spend together even if it is just talking in my office. You allow me to be me, without having to worry about the Survey Corps, even if it's only for an hour. And now… you occupy my mind more than it should, and I want to do things with you..” He wanted to kiss Levi, to hold him close in bed. To do things only lovers would do.
Levi was speechless. Did he just get confessed to…. By Erwin Smith. Maybe this was all a dream and if he pinched himself he would wake up from it all, but did he even want that. His cheeks felt hotter despite the cold wind against his skin. His heart was pounding rapidly and his arms tightened against his chest. He didn’t know what to say, he liked Erwin, he thought about him more often than he should. He trusted and respected him with his life, but he didn’t know anything about love. Romantic love was completely foreign to him. Love altogether felt that way after the lost of Isabel and Furlan.
The words finally left him. “I like you too, Erwin. I wouldn’t come to your office most nights if I didn’t care about you, but pursuing something more… it sounds scary and what if I die or you die.”
Of course Erwin was fully aware that the lives they all lived were short and your closest comrades were gone before you knew it, but not pursuing something more with Levi filled him with a thought of regret. “I’ve thought about it too, but I didn’t want that to stop me from telling you how I feel because I’d die regretting it if it was left unsaid, and I want to try Levi, we can take it slow, keep it quiet.” Erwin said, smiling softly.
He walked over to Levi and he was now standing directly in front of the shorter man. He took a hold of his gloved hands, unwrapping his arms from against Levi's chest. Levi’s hands enveloped by Erwin’s own. He rubbed at Levi’s knuckles underneath the soft material. Levi was looking at him, eyes unable to tear away from Erwin’s beautiful sky blue eyes.
“We take it slow?” Levi asked and Erwin nodded, “However you want it to go, I like you Levi, a lot, and I am willing to pursue something more with you despite all the odds against us because I love you.” Erwin said earnestly.
Levi was scared, but Erwin comforted him. Made it feel like everything will be okay because they’ve got each other, like they really would be unstoppable together. “I love you too.” Levi said wholeheartedly, heart still pounding, and he held onto Erwin’s hands with slight force.
Erwin's soft smile grew bigger and he pulled Levi against his body. Levi's face was buried in Erwin’s chest, and it felt warm, felt safe and loved. Erwin kissed the crown of Levi’s head, snowflakes melting on top. “I love you so much,” he whispered before he slowly pulled away to look back at Levi again. To look back at those very kissable lips.
“Can I kiss you?”
Levi answered with the simplest of yeses, Erwin's lips were entrancing as his own. "Yes..." he whispered and Erwin needed nothing more before he was leaning slowly down, eyes closing in unison as his lips connected with Levi's. It was soft and gentle, but intimate nevertheless. Erwin's arms were around Levi's small frame, holding him closely. Levi's own hands were holding onto Erwin's strong biceps as he struggled to keep up on his tip toes. But they made it worked. Both slowly opened their eyes, staring back at each other with nothing short of love in their eyes. Their faces pictures of fondness. Erwin couldn't help the tender smile that appeared, it was infectious to Levi. They loved each other and right now that was all that mattered. Nothing or no one else could ruin this picture perfect moment. They kissed once more before Levi was back to resting his head on Erwin's chest, it was warm and he could hear Erwin's heartbeat. It was a comforting sound. Levi squeezed Erwin now that his arms were also half around Erwin too. He was happy, and it was because of one person, Erwin Smith. The man he had to kill but ended up falling in love with instead. It was comical, but Levi didn't care.
"Happy birthday, my love."