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“I miss you, like a lot”
Charlie stares through the phone trying to make out the pixels of nicks face, recounting every detail as if he’s relearning him all over again.
He catches the soft downturn of nicks smile, it looks wrong on him,
“I miss you too, I think it’s unreal how much I’m missing you”
Charlie thinks nick says something else, but the connection had already cut out, he stares back at himself face to face with the blinking call button of the facetime screen.
Maybe he should call back, but he doesn’t.
That’s the thing about him, he lives too much in his head, as if two seconds is enough time for nick to become unbelievably busy that Charlie calling him would be too much of an inconvenience. Maybe its better to just wait, he can always call again tomorrow or the day after or maybe he can just wait for nick to call, god Charlie wishes he could just have nick beside him again.
Everything keeps changing, first nick leaving, then Tori, he truly feels so lost, he misses his sister, he misses his boyfriend, he misses the way things used to be.
He’s fine, really, he is, it’s just that maybe if he could just curl up in a corner and disappear for a while maybe he would feel better, maybe if he wasn’t so alone, he would feel better, maybe if nick was still here, maybe if.
No Charlie doesn’t want nick home, he’s truly happy he’s at uni, he knows it’s made nick happier, not being stuck in their godforsaken small town, and he genuinely means it, nick deserves this, being at uni, his new friends, but Charlie can’t help but wish he was a part of that too.
“...hello”
“oh, fuck I didn’t mean to wake you”
“huh? Nick are you okay it’s like 3am”
“yeah, I’m good, I- actually no, I miss you, and I know it’s silly, but I keep staring at that picture of us on the beach, and all I can think is how much I need you next to me,”
Nick trails of his next words coming out as barely a whisper “char it’s so lonely without you here”
Charlie is silent on the other end of the phone, his mouth keeps opening as if to speak but all train of thought has evaporated, nick who should be happy who shouldn’t be feeling like he is, is saying exactly what Charlie has longed to hear, but it doesn’t make him giddy, it just makes him sad.
Charlie whispers back “I thought you were happy there” as if speaking too loudly will suddenly make this all dissolve like the ending of some magic show.
“I am, but I feel like there’s a hole in my life where you used to be, it just doesn’t feel the same, you being so far away now” nicks words become lighter as he speaks, Charlie wishes he could see him, see what nick was thinking, he hates the distance between them.
“I know nick, I hate how hard this is, but we’re okay, we’ll be fine, I love you okay, we’ll see each other during half term, and I can tell you everything, every little detail as if the colour of Mr Lange’s tie matters, or like the pigeon I see from the bus means anything” Charlie lets out a wet laugh trying to fight of a sob.
“you mean it? I can’t wait, I love you so much char” nicks voice wavers, if Charlie notices he doesn’t say anything.
~~~~~
Its 5am by the time Charlie makes it to the bus stop, its 6am by the time he arrives at the train station, and by 6:30 he’s standing on platform D waiting for the train to Leeds to arrive. He used what was left of his last pay check to buy the ticket, he knows he should probably ask nick if this is okay, for all he knows nick could have plans, and Charlie turning up unannounced might mess all that up, but for once he doesn’t care, maybe he’ll have to sit outside nicks dorm for hours, maybe he’ll get locked outside until some random uni kid takes mercy on him and lets him in, but at least hell see him, nick, standing right where he can reach him, it’ll all be worth it everything, all of it will be worth it for that.
Charlie arrives at Leeds station at 11:45am, he has no clue how to get to nicks uni, all he saw from nick were the pretty trees or the cats milling about the campus, he really wishes he’d asked nick for a walk through of Leeds before now.
After only taking a wrong turn once Charlie finds himself outside the campus, staring down the rusted gates, he thinks he spots a tree nick facetimed him in front of, because it was “just so pretty, Charlie I didn’t know trees could look so nice” he must admit nick was right, Kent definitely doesn’t have trees like that.
He’s debating calling nick by the time he makes it to the dorm entrance, of course he doesn’t have a key card, and obviously no one seems to live here, how can there be no one from the dorm appearing at all in nearly half an hour, Charlie would take one nick nelson if he could choose.
Finally, after over an hour of looking like a creep hanging about, someone finally makes their way out of the dorm, Charlie catches the door slipping through and into the warmth of the lobby, it’s as he’s about to make his way up to the 3rd floor that the guy, he previously passed doubles back.
“wait, do I know you mate?”
Charlies blood runs cold, he would rather not be kicked out before he even gets to surprise his boyfriend, that would ruin the whole romantic gesture thing. Just as he’s about to reply the guy speaks again
“Charlie? Oh my god, your nicks boyfriend, right?”
Charlie feels his cheeks flame, okay so not being kicked out, this definitely could be worse.
“um yeah hi, so you know nick?”
“oh, right yeah, I’m tom nicks flatmate, nick talks about you all the time mate, does he know you’re here?” tom asks sounding genuinely curious,
“um no its kind of a surprise I guess” Charlie nervously mumbles.
“awe mate, that’s proper romantic, tell nick we need to go out sometime introduce us to you properly yeah”
“uhm sure thanks”
Tom is already out the door again clearly remembering where he was supposed to be heading to begin with, before he got side tracked with meeting his flatmates boyfriend.
The lift arrives at the 3rd floor, its doors squeaking open, Charlie feels his heartbeat quicken, it’s been exactly 4 weeks and 3 days since Charlie saw his boyfriend, he thinks maybe things will have changed, but also not, nick nelson will always be the boy he fell in love with and no weeks apart will change that, he hopes nick feels the same, he sort of already knows he does.
Charlie knocks on dorm 3b, waiting for the door to open, waiting for his chest to feel light again for the first time in weeks.
Its not nick who answers the door, its another one of his flatmates, they seem to recognise him immediately which Charlie is extremely grateful for, he’s quickly let inside, and directed to nicks room.
Charlie doesn’t knock this time, maybe he should but maybe be doesn’t need to.
“I already said I don’t want to go out Sam” nicks gruff voice calls out,
"not Sam” Charlie concludes.
Nicks head turns so quickly Charlies convinced he must have broken it, and then suddenly nicks there, standing in front of him, staring at him as if he’s the centre of the universe, or at least nicks, and maybe he is, because Charlie stares right back, and suddenly nothing matters except each other, they’re home finally.
Nicks arm circle around Charlie pulling him in to a warm embrace, and its everything Charlie imagined and more, being here, seeing nick, he feels like a child at Christmas realising Santa came, Charlie squeezes back, trying to morph them both into one.
“Charlie, please tell me your real” nicks breathless voice begs,
“I’m very much real” Charlie laughs.
They’re both a bit breathless, soaking in each other, their faces are centimeters apart, but it’s not close enough,
And then their mouths are on each other, at first its tender, both so gently kissing, but it becomes more intense, both desperately eating each other up, relearning every part of each other again.
They part panting, both flushed and breathless.
“how are you here” nick breathes a smile taking over his face,
“a train and a lot of luck” and they both laugh one of those breathless more air than sound kind of laughs, because this is it, it doesn’t matter, they’re both together and that is everything, they can kiss and cuddle and laugh and kiss, and talk about nothing and everything and wake up wrapped up in each other’s arms, they don’t have to wait for good signal, or a late reply or anything, they’re here together exactly how it should be, and they can pretend for a while that this is it, this is all that life is meant to be.
~~~~~
'Oh, btw tom said you should properly introduce me next time’
‘yeah? did he now
'tell him he can wait, you're all mine today'