Chapter Text
The slaver who bought me from my parents didn’t sell me at the local market. He thought he could get more for me in the capital, so I was brought to a dock and loaded onto a barge headed downstream. I was the odd one out, age-wise: most of my fellow slaves were either much younger, or much older. The children did a lot of crying and the adults reassured them, talking quietly amongst themselves about their trades. That was the thing: the adults were here because they had valuable skills. The children because they were pretty, strong, and clever in some combination, and therefore good investments. But the looks the adults gave me reinforced why I was here. I was just plain sexy. I can’t say it felt like much of a compliment at the time.
Fine, I can’t say it didn’t please me a bit… but I did have some concerns about the sort of person who would purchase me. Not that I could have expected the answer to that question at the time.
When he read my first draft of this memoir, the Prince Consort only got this far before he started glaring at me. Apparently, I'm not supposed to talk to the reader, and I'm really not supposed to say things like, "Not that I could have expected the answer to that question at the time." He says that I can have one "at the time" before it starts sounding really stupid.
So: Not that I could have expected the answer to that question at the time. Not that anyone else could have expected… pretty much anything that happened after.
I was pretty upset but a part of me was almost glad to be out of my town. At least away from my parents. Seems they wanted me gone just as badly. I desperately hoped that wherever I ended up, I might be able to at least send word back to Nico and maybe some other people. Though I figured I might ask them to just tell mom and dad that I fell off the side of the boat. Or maybe something more dramatic than that.
I just wished I could end up somewhere nice. But that started to feel like too much to ask for so I settled for hoping for somewhere… comfortable. That seemed much more reasonable.
If I had needed confirmation of my place, the guards has made it very clear that no one was to touch me. Not for my sake. It was my owner’s specific instructions, which ruined most of the chance for me to find more interesting ways to pass the time. Should that have even crossed my mind? Why not? The trip was long and boring and maybe a part of me still felt like I was on an adventure. A shitty adventure that I didn’t have a choice in, but more adventure than I could have had as a miserable farmer with a miserable family. I wasn't that used to having choices before slavery, either.
Right now the choices I had were trying to comfort children or listening to adults talk about their skills. Neither was appealing. I wasn’t really full of comfort for anyone else right then. I was trying to save it for myself. I might have done better to try it. I hadn’t considered that it might make me feel better.
The trip was several days and it wasn’t comfortable. Perhaps saying it was long was an exaggeration. But when you are on boat, being sold as a slave, a few days feels like an infinity. Finally, we docked, and I was led up top into the sun. The capital was, and is, beautiful. If only I was seeing it under better circumstances.
The river was already starting to swell with the seasonal floods. The city rose up on both banks, with bustling markets and streets. In the distance a sandstone edifice rose up over the rooftops. Even then I knew it must be the palace. I looked out at it and whispered some prayers, feeling my tokens in my pocket. I prayed to the Rebel for safety and guardianship. It felt like an odd choice but it fit somehow. Even if those weren’t the usual things people prayed to her for. I think she has appreciated that I pray to her in a different way than many people, truly as an aspect of the Mother. And I prayed to the Child as I always did.
I also held the Farmer in my heart. I didn’t know how to pray to him right then. Home, the idea that I could find any kind of real home, was a hard thought. And could home be like now? What does home feel like?
A cloud passed overhead, and the distant rooftop dimmed and then brightened, like it was winking at me. I didn’t think twice about it. In my defense there was a lot more going on at the time, and trying to have a conversation with a building didn’t seem like a very good way to get sold to somewhere nice. Hey. he’s cute but also he’ll try to talk to your house! Not a good pitch.
Regardless, I didn’t get to watch much longer as I was marched off the boat. I tried to steady my breathing. I’d never done this before and I has no idea if there are any tricks or…anything, that might help me get a better situation. And I didn’t entirely know how to ask one of the adults either. Probably looking completely out of my element and somewhat terrified was not the way though. I really doubted that people who bought slaves were inclined to feel sorry for people, or at least for the slaves. Not that I knew any slaveholders. Yet.
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Anyway, the market couldn't possibly be anyone's element. It was loud, and crowded, and it stunk of sweat and sorrow. I don’t think anyone mourned it when it burned down, save perhaps the owners, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. We were made to strip and bathe en masse, and separated out by gender and age, before finally being assigned to our rooms. Mostly I was happy just to be getting a bath even if it wasn’t a particularly pleasant one.
Since I was the only teenager, I didn’t end up with anyone from the boat. Instead there was just one other boy, about my age, with reddish hair and big ears, who was already there. I nodded to him and he nodded back. I sat, trying to look pretty but not too pretty. Would it be conceited to say that was hard? Oh, well. I was a gorgeous kid, and I have the bill of sale to prove it.
“First time?” He asked.
“Yeah. You?” I laughed. Not much. “How could you tell?”
“Third. You look like you have indigestion.” He gave me a lopsided grin, exactly the thing I needed to see right then.
“Shit. I was trying to look hot but not like someone who you would want to rape. Got the second one down though, apparently. Is three a lot?” My stomach flipped. The idea of doing this two more times was…horrifying. This once had been bad enough already.
“Three is a lot,” he confirmed “And just act natural. You’re plenty hot without trying, and for the other…” He shrugged. “It isn’t about looks.”
“That’s not reassuring. Do you have any advice on not getting bought by someone who sucks?” I tried to relax a bit. Looking sick probably wasn’t going to help.
“If I was good at that… but yeah. Here’s how it goes. Tomorrow morning, they’re gonna let prospective buyers come in and take a look. They might ask you questions, even.” I nodded. “So if you know what you want… you can suck up to them.”
There was the rub. “I don’t know what I want.”
He shrugged. “And if you get a bad vibe, then you can do the indigestion face.”
I bit my lip and laughed. "What’s a bad vibe for someone purchasing a slave? I get pretty bad vibes generally right now.”
“Well. If they check you out but don’t ask questions, that’s a pretty bad vibe,” he shivered.
I did too. “I hope you have better luck this time. I can’t do a lot…I could pray for you?”
I pulled out my bracelet of aspect tokens. The slavers let me keep them, in the pockets of the baggy trousers they put on me, but I saw them take a Rebel token from another slave so I kept them tucked away. I didn't have statues and figures back home either. It would be nice to, but these could travel with me to remind me of the gods’ favor and protection. Even to this day, tokens aren’t expensive but I always carry the nicest ones I can. These ones were more rustic.
“That might sound rude given the context," I continued. "I meant it though."
“I’d like that. Is that the Rebel? Surprised they let you keep that one.”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t have let them take it if they’d tried. These are mine.” It came out as a growl from somewhere deep inside.
He smiled and laid back in his cot. "Hang onto that spirit."
"You can have some of it if you want. Maybe I have enough to share. Any aspects in particular you like?"
"The Huntress. I guess I was always fond of the Advocate, too, and the Smith. And of course the Rebel." I nodded and showed him my tokens, keeping hold of them.
"Sorry, I'd give you some but I don't have extras right now.” I took a moment to breathe and let the gods in. "May the Huntress grant you courage and watch over you that you may keep your strength and your will. May the Advocate grant you the mercy that you seek. May the Smith grant you security that you may find somewhere you feel safe and at home." That felt like a lot to ask. But at the same time, it felt right.
He touched them and closed his eyes.
"If you have anything you want to say, you can. But you can say it in your head too. I won't mind." Instead of speaking he made a funny noise in the back of his throat, like a growl crossed with a sob, before opening his eyes and leaning forward to kiss the Rebel. I held the token out to him and he pressed his forehead against it as well. "She'll…she’ll stay with you. Wherever you end up…even if it's a good place, keep her in your heart."
"Yeah. You too. Even if they do take that icon. They can't take her."
I nodded. "If you get the chance you should get some, they help. But you don't need them." I touched his head tentatively and he leaned into my hand. I was dreading the possibility that I too would suffer whatever had happened to him. But it felt selfish to dwell on that now.
"Thank you. This wasn't something I was expecting to hear today."
"What do you mean?
"Dunno, just nice to remember the goddess. Anyway, right now I'm going to get some rest, and you should too. Big day tomorrow."
"Yeah. Good night." I laid on my cot tossing and turning, trying to sleep and let the gods back in. I just wanted tomorrow to not be too terrible.
"Hey," I felt a touch on my shoulder and his quiet voice. "Trouble sleeping?"
I jumped. "S-sorry! Was I keeping you awake?"
"Not really. Just, you helped me earlier. Can I do something for you?"
"I… I have no idea. I'm just anxious, I guess. But you need rest. Seems like it would give you the best chance at… whatever it is you're looking for.” I paused. "But I guess if you wanted to lay here with me I wouldn't mind?" I smiled at him. "Oh! What's your name?"
"Move over," I did, and he climbed in with me. "T-" he pauses. "Friends call me Toby. You?"
"Theo. I-I don't know if we'll see each other again after this, but I'll call you Toby anyway."
He wrapped his arm around me and I curled up into him and whispered more prayers. “Hello, Theo.”
I felt more able to sleep. In fact I even came close to feeling safe. I just wished I could do more to help him. He was sweet, and he'd obviously been through a lot; he deserved better. I wanted someone good to buy him. Somehow I believed there must be someone good, somewhere. His breath grew shallower as he fell asleep and I finally drifted off to the rise and fall of his chest against my back.
I dreamt, a weird sequence of scenes with trees and fire and water. I was surrounded by faces, but they were all fuzzy, like reflections in a foggy mirror. It was unsettling, and I woke up sweaty and frightened.
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But Toby was still wrapped around me, sleeping. It was lovely to wake up being held even if I was also gross again. Not just got off a boat gross. But still, gross.
I was also hungry and thirsty, not having eaten since last night. I was also surprisingly horny. Or maybe that shouldn’t have been surprising. It had been a while since I’d had any privacy, and now I was being cuddled by a sympathetic boy. Toby was lean and bony, and reminded me of the slightly older boy I used to fool around with back home. Just one — I'd been an aspiring slut, but the pickings were slim. If only I'd gone further I could at least have saved the slaver some money! Anyway, I was enveloped in Boy, his face in the back of my neck and his hand on my chest, and it was turning me on. I just still wasn’t in the right mindset to do anything about it. What I was in the mood for was food. I was hungry!
But I still didn’t want to move. I also didn't know if I should wake up Toby, but having more time to prepare seemed like a good thing so I poked him gently. "I don't know what we do now? Will they give us food?"
He grumbled and sat up. "Yeah, they will. Don't worry about knowing what to do. You'll be told." I nodded and sighed. And it was going to be like that forever… Surely I could have at least some freedom wherever I ended up, though? Some slaves must.
"Yeah, I guess so. If you want to sleep more, don't let me stop you, sorry for waking you up."
"Hey, stop that," he elbowed me. "Don't apologize to me."
I squeaked. "I mean… I did wake you up. But alright."
This was definitely a boy who I wanted to keep around. But that wasn't looking like my choice. I hoped that at least I could find out what happened to him someday, and that my life wasn't going to be a series of losing interesting people. I tried not to get too wrapped up in the thought. Which wasn't too difficult as my musings were interrupted by a loud banging on the door. Toby extricated himself from the bed as the door opened. We were led out, made to bathe again, and fed at a long wooden table before being led back to the cell. This time, the doors of the cells were all open, with guards posted at either end of the corridor.
I sat, trying not to fidget too much as people, mostly merchants and nobles, came by, looking me up and down like a piece of meat. I tried to do the things Toby suggested. Maybe someone would ask me some questions.
In came a middle-aged woman with cold eyes. I met them and immediately went for indigestion. I didn't like those eyes. And I was right not to.
"You. Strip," she ordered. She didn't even acknowledge Toby. I guess she knew which of us she was here for.
"Oh! A-alright," I scrambled to my feet. "What are—" What are you looking for, I was going to say.
She just made a firm, "Shush," and snapped her fingers impatiently. I idly wondered what she would do if I told her 'no,' but I knew I didn't want to find out. She made me strip entirely and spin. I felt her eyes on me the entire time, and it didn't feel flattering at all. And after I did the spin, she pinched my nipple, hard enough that I couldn't hold in a yelp.
"Ah! Wha— Owww!" She twisted it hard, and I whined. Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes, and not from the pain.
"Hey," Toby sat up from his cot. "Don't make me call the guard."
I stepped back a bit as she gave him a withering look. "I've heard enough." She turned and left.
"Didn't know that was an option." I pulled my clothes back on very quickly.
"They aren't allowed to hurt you. Not until after they buy you." Oh. Great.
"Well, I kind of hope I can get bought by someone who'd rather not do that. Without asking at least."
"I mean I have low expectations," he gave me a droll look. "But a boy can dream." I almost laughed.
A well-dressed man came into the room next and inspected us both. "Which of you is the virgin?"
I studied him. He was tall and broad, with a business-like attitude. "I-I am."
"You know, some people prefer a little experience," Toby pointed out.
The man ignored him and focused on me. "Stand up and turn around, slowly."
I got up and did. "I'm not completely. I have done a little. But I've never actually had sex." I could feel his eyes on my body.
"How much?"
I shivered. "What's… what do you want? I mean I'll tell you. I just want to know what I'm getting into." I winced inside. That definitely wasn't the way to make a good impression. He just raised an eyebrow, though.
"Looking to fill a bed in my brothel," he said casually, and gave my ass a squeeze. "Firm. Good. What have you done? And with whom?"
I gasped, partly from surprise and partly from, well, someone squeezing my ass. "Kissing, some…rubbing, I guess. What do you mean with whom?" Brothel could be… kind of depended on what sort of brothel, I guess?
"Boys? Girls? Both?"
"Boys."
Toby watched with interest.
"Any interest in girls?"
"Yes. What kind of brothel?" I turned back to face him.
"The kind that can afford a prime virgin," he stuck a finger in my mouth to check my teeth.
I tried not to gag. "I can just open my mouth…" Sounds like I could do worse.
I wasn’t getting my hopes up on this one though. I did appreciate him being straightforward. And getting called "a prime virgin," did stoke my ego a tiny bit. Even under the circumstances.
"Where? The capital?" Toby asks.
"No, down coast. But I'm afraid you're not quite what I'm looking for, lad," he told Toby.
"Am I?" I asked.
"You're a candidate, yes."
Toby stood up and stretched. "No harm in being thorough, though?"
"Alright, turn around." He did the same process on Toby. Toby made a soft, lewd noise as his ass was grabbed. But I could see his face. He looked bored. When the man checked his teeth, though, he grabbed the finger with his lips in an obscene manner, and it was the man's turn to make a noise. I giggled. Toby was really very cute, in his own way.
"Hey Theo, can you go stand outside the door and give us a minute?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, just going to show off a little."
I eyed the two of them. I could not figure Toby out. Did he want that? Apparently so. He looked very seductive. The man looked amused, but interested. I stepped out, hesitant, and started muttering prayers for his safety and health.
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There were some more people visiting one of the rooms nearby. A pacing guard looked from me to the door and back. I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, trying to look bored. Which was hard, clutching my tokens in my pocket and praying.
He came over and inspected my collar, touching the spot where an identifying mark was carved into the side. He nodded, I guess satisfied that the virgin wasn't the one alone in the room with a customer, and turned back to the door. He couldn't be much older than me, under that helmet.
I managed to hold in my glare until his back was turned. The man and woman who stepped out of the room down the hall caught the brunt of it, though. I started and waved my hands frantically. Trying to say, not you! Wasn't sure why I cared though.
The woman smirked. She was tall, taller than him, and elegant. She had a collar of her own, sort of, but it was a chain instead of a metal band. He was portly and his face was bland, even when he looked at me, shrugged, and returned to his conversation.
I gave her a slight smile. This was interesting. I wasn't sure what a slave was doing here, if it wasn't the obvious. And looking so elegant, too. He definitely didn't just buy her.
"I think he's a candidate," the man said. "Seth likes a little attitude and a slim physique."
"I suppose. Read more like nerves to me. Speaking of attitude," she nodded toward me.
I couldn't be sure if that was an insult or not. He stopped to look at me. I raised my eyebrows. "Is there a reason you're standing in the hall?" the man asked. He peeked behind me into the room. "Ah. I see."
"Yeah. I wasn't glaring at you, by the way."
"I would hope not," the woman says. "You don't know us. What's your name?"
"Theo. And given the context…" I gestured around. "Not knowing you isn't really a reason to not glare. What's your name?"
The man walked past us both to inspect the marks on the doors behind me.
"Adriana," she said. "How did you come to be a slave, Theo?"
"Parents sold me." I eyed the chain on her neck. "Why's it matter?"
"It's unusual to be sold quite so late in life," she shrugged. "Yet here you are. I assume it's your first time, since… you know." She was checking me out, just like the brothel guy. "Wes, maybe we can get a private room for an interview? If his doesn't open up soon."
Huh. Well, at least she was asking questions. Come to think of it, she wasn't checking me out just like the brothel guy. He'd looked at like I was a fancy statue that might fit in his collection. She seemed genuinely appreciative of what she was seeing, like I was an actual person who she might like to get alone in a room, to gently (or who knows, maybe not so gently) peel the clothes off me, to kiss and caress until we'd be writhing together naked and she'd take my vaunted, oh-so-expensive virginity for herself, because some people care a lot about that and it isn't weird at all.
Or, maybe that was how I was looking at her, because damn. I may not have been fully equipped to judge impartially. "Here I am," I agreed "And here you are?" I studied her neck more pointedly. Because of the collar, not because it was long and sleek and looked eminently kissable.
She touched her collar and started to answer, but before she could, Wes came back. "These are all too old. So is he. Pity, he's exactly the type."
"Exactly the type for what? And I'm a person." I was annoyed that he kept talking to her and not me; good to know the most boring-looking man I'd ever seen thought he knew more than her! Whoever she was. That chain hinted that she knew a lot more than he would about slavery. I was also just annoyed, in general.
I considered what to do, which meant making a snap judgment about how I felt about them. He was dull and kind of a jerk, but clearly rich. She was gorgeous and personable. Together they screamed 'adventure' to me. And in her case, sexy adventure. "Hey, if you're talking about looks, does that mean…"
Speaking of brothel guy, he emerged from my room, looking very content. He nodded at these two and headed off down the hall, whistling. That was my alternative. My best one so far.
I decided to go for it. Sell myself. "Not normally something I'd brag about but… I'm a virgin. If that means anything to you." I turned to head back into the room, trying to be smooth. Sexy, but not too sexy.
"It doesn't, particularly," Wes said. "But my employer likes it." My back was turned, but I could hear him sigh. "Fine. Go on, do your interview."
Adriana followed me in.