Chapter Text
Amity didn’t think she’d ever been this comfortable with anyone. She had been putting on a front to the world ever since she was old enough to develop her own personality. But here and now, laying next to Luz’s sleeping body after a fun night of sleepover activities, she realized that this is the REAL Amity. The best version of herself. It’s really her.
Neither of them could agree on who should sleep on the floor, so after several minutes of arguing, two spontaneous pillow fights, and one death threat to hooty, they decided on sharing.
She couldn’t sleep. Ever since she was a child, she would spend long nights staring up at her ceiling. She never got up to do anything, she couldn’t get into gear to do anything at night. She was conditioned to have a perfect routine.
Luz wasn’t like that. To her, every single day was a new and exciting adventure. Amity had spent so long trying to figure out her routine until she realized that Luz simply lived in a world where she rejected structure. Amity wished she could do that.
She rolled over, facing Luz. Her mouth was slightly open and she had a lock of hair that had fallen onto her face that moved whenever she breathed.
“You’re amazing.”
Amity covered her mouth, not meaning to have said that out loud. Luz stayed asleep, not indicating she even heard her. There were a few moments of tension where she was sure she was about to wake up. Then she let out a loud snore and Amity jumped. She had to stop herself from giggling, Luz never believed her in the morning when she recounted a full night of snoring.
“So, wow, you’re a deep sleeper. You know I’ve never seen anyone look this adorable when sleeping. I always wake up in a puddle of drool. Which is part of the reason I’m awake now. The other part… Well, I’m thinking about things.”
She didn’t know why she was talking so freely under so much risk of being heard, but it was clear that Luz was deeply asleep.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about you. And me. And how we’re together a lot. You’ve taught me a lot about myself. You’ve helped me deconstruct countless beliefs that my parents installed in me. You’ve made it seem like I’m… worthwhile. Honestly, I hated you. I really did. I thought you were too optimistic, a cheater, and kind of an airhead. I’ll always regret our first meeting. After that, I started to tolerate you. I realized you were powerful, and growing your talents as time passed, right after the dual. The way that you still wanted to help me even after I nearly made you swear off magic was… well I’ll admit it was a little overly optimistic. I was a real bitch. Still am, I supposed. But yeah, the library encounter was when I really started to believe I liked you. You were so endearing with your half-baked plans actually worked. I hated the twins for so long for that, but I couldn’t bring myself to hate you. Our next encounter made me realize… just how important you are to me. I saw you furiously protecting the people you love. Even when faced with huge obstacles. I misjudged you. I now know that you’re one of the most powerful, motivated, and brightest people I know. Fuck maybe you’re THE most. I hope you know that. There isn’t anything worse in this world than a person going about their life not knowing how amazing they are. I need you to know that.” She let that comment hang in the air.
“I swear, even talking to you while asleep, I feel more heard than when I’m talking to my parents. You’re just that kind of person, Luz. You’re special.”
Luz’s eyelids fluttered and Amity’s heart skipped several beats. But she then settled back into her normal pattern of breathing and buried her head further into her pillow.
She laid back down, staring at Luz’s side profile.
“I think I’ve always known I was gay. I didn’t have to vocabulary for it, but deep down…” Her brain was screaming at her to shut up, after all no one cared what she had to say. But Luz wasn’t even listening. So, she continued.
“Everyone always talks about how their past interactions with the opposite sex just felt wrong. And they knew right away. But my entire life had felt wrong anyway. I didn’t allow myself to want what I wanted, I wasn’t allowed to like things my parents didn’t, I couldn’t express myself. So I fell into line. It only made sense that that control would infect its way into my love life. They’re always talking about some of their friends’ sons being perfect for a boyfriend. I only barely managed to escape it by saying I’ve been too wrapped up in my studies. But I always knew something was… Off. I never had your typical crushes. I never had that feeling of infatuation. Until…. I met you. Of course, I’ve had brief flashes of attraction, I think even Boucha has her moments in my head, but the moment I saw you I immediately had feelings that I told myself I needed to stuff down.”
She reached out and brushed the lock of hair out of Luz’s face. Looking at the other girl with so much love and admiration.
“I wish I had the courage to tell you this when you’re actually conscious. But I don’t know what I would do if I messed this up. Besides, you would never like me back anyway. And I don’t blame you. You deserve someone like you. Someone with a good heart. Someone from a normal family. I would stay how we are forever if it meant keeping you with me, even by afar.”
She felt her eyes start to tear up. She felt the words rush out.
“I want to tell you all these things, make you feel how special you are, both to me and in general. Tell you all your adorable quirks and habits. Let you know about all the lives you’ve changed for the better. Because… I think I’m in love with you Luz Noceda. Completely and utterly in love.”
It was the first time she had ever thought that. it was the first time she’d let herself process it. She even thinks it’s the first time she’s ever been in love with ANYONE. It felt good, being in love. And even better that she got it off her chest in a way that didn’t involve confrontation or risk of rejection.
She wiped her eyes in bittersweet joy, she felt lighter and more peaceful than she’d ever felt before.
She pulled the blanket back on top of her and let herself brush Luz’s hair out of her eyes one more time. Just one more time until things went back to normal. As friends.
“Goodnight, my Luz.”
Luz stirred and flopped her arm out like a starfish until she made contact with Amity’s shoulder. She scooched in, burrowing her face into the crook of her neck, hugging her close with her arms wrapped around her.
She could feel herself getting bright red. But she couldn’t possibly wake her. So she allowed herself to relax. Timing her breaths at the same time as the other girl, listening to her heartbeat until she drifted off to sleep.
Unknown to her, Luz had been awake for nearly the entire time. Listening to every word and wondering how she could communicate that she too felt the same way without startling the green-haired witch. No words would be spoken the rest of the night, but for the next 8 hours, they held each other close.