Chapter Text
This is as good a place to fall as any
We'll build our altar here
You strode down your hallway, back straight, head high, trying to pull every ounce of DETERMINATION from that singular red shard lodged in your SOUL.
Stars above, you would need it.
The sight greeting you as you padded to the kitchen was a familiar one, comforting and sending your SOUL fluttering.
Gaster, of course.
...
Stars, he was handsome.
He was sitting in a chair too small for his overly large frame, bowed over a stack of papers, mis-matched eyelights peering through his glasses, skimming over a report as he delicately drew in sips of black coffee. (The traitor did not share your fondness of tea, but if he was going to insist on drinking that bitter black brew, you insisted he do it right and bought him a pour-over setup and a burr grinder.) His sweater that hung perfectly from his skeletal form was rolled up past his elbows, ulna and radius on full display, one long, long leg crossed over the other, resting on one knee.
He was so refined, masculine yet elegant, so much more poise than you could muster on a good day. While here you were, hair still mussed from sleep, wearing one of his shirts (you ruthlessly and unapologetically stole them to sleep in) that fell past your knees with a bare shoulder inevitably peeking out through the too-wide collar. How the hell you managed to tether your SOUL to his was beyond you.
Ugh, why couldn’t you be Bravery?
You drew on the reserves of your DETERMINATION, marching up to the table where he sat, declaring your intention before you could chicken out.
“I want to have sex!”
Gaster spit out his sip of coffee, sputtering at your words.
<Now!?> He looked alarmed, eye sockets wide.
“Oh, shit, not, um...” your magic flared to life, summoning a kitchen towel in a halo of blue flame-like magic and dabbing the reports before they could get too terribly stained. Gaster had stood and conjured a floating skeletal hand to retrieve a napkin, wiping off the dribbles of coffee from his chin.
“Sorry, no, not now,” you hastily said once the majority of the mess was cleaned up. He sighed in relief, and a small frown tugged at your lips. This was what had you so hesitant and timid; Your fear that he didn’t want you as you wanted him, that he’d reject you again. “I, uh, just thought after our conversation, you would still want to...” you trailed off.
<We have to be at the embassy in thirty minutes, that is not nearly enough time.> he signed, canting his skull down towards you reproachfully.
“Oh.” you ducked your head as your face heated.
He curled a long phalange under your chin, tilting your head up so he could watch the blush creep over your cheeks, an amused smile spreading across his lips. <Of course I still want to, but do you recall what we discussed?>
Yeah...that...
That had been another slightly awkward situation. Ever since the void had relinquished its hold on your SOULs and you were both free to spend all the time with each other on the same plane of reality (finally!) you’d taken full advantage.
Or, at least you attempted to.
Things had slowly been escalating, mainly on account of Gaster’s reluctance. It started with his large skeletal hands feeling you up; his phalanges skimming along your stomach under the hem of your shirts as you kissed him until your lips were swollen and kiss-bruised, or his hollow palms gliding over your backside while you nibbled at his clavicle. You loved it, this dancing past previously drawn lines in the sand, always wanting more and trying to push him one step further, yet he seemed to restrain himself from encroaching too far into this new realm of intimacy.
Of course you had to be the first one to breach the topic.
“How do monsters have sex?” you blurted one night while snuggling up to your skeleton beau in bed.
<Monsters, or skeleton monsters?> he questioned, sitting up and raising a brow bone.
“Uh, skeletons. Specifically this skeleton.” you said, poking his bared sternum. You were both in nightclothes, him wearing only pajama pants and you in one of his pilfered shirts like a nightgown. He chuckled, deep and dark, like a secret you shouldn’t hear.
<Much in the same way humans do, my dear.>
“I mean, you don’t have a-” you flushed. Geez, you were supposed to be having an adult conversation about this, but instead you lowered your voice and near whispered, “the equipment.”
He hummed thoughtfully, then without warning rolled over onto you, caging you under him with the long bones of his limbs.
“Wha-” your question was cut off as he leaned his skull down, kissing you with a burning heat you had scarcely had seen before, his tongue rolling sinfully in your mouth. It was so sudden you could barely keep up, a delayed and half-hearted attempt made to reciprocate. You felt his hips dip down, pelvic bone grinding against you through your clothes and you let out a muffled squeak. Where was this coming from?? Who was this monster who had done little more than suggestive touches?
And then you felt it, his magic gathering, shifting, coalescing, forming something tangible, hard, thick and heated, its length grinding against your thigh, straining against his pants--
You broke the kiss, pulling back and staring up at him in shock.
“Holy shit, is that...?”
He grunted an affirmation, apparently not done with you yet, skull pressing against your neck so he could hungrily kiss and lick the skin there instead of your lips. His breaths came fast and ragged, ribs rattling as he bit down on the juncture of your neck and your shoulder, hard enough to bruise and a low moan to escape you, driven by an intoxicating mix of pleasure and pain.
Fuck, this monster was going to be the death of you.
He stayed painfully clamped down on your flesh, your moan a whimper now, until he calmed and his breathing slowed to a normal pace. Only then did he relent, soothing kisses dotting the tender spot before he pressed his long phalanges to your neck, green glow dancing between his fingers and sinking into your skin.
You sighed as his healing magic made you whole again, not a hint of his aggression left to see. You could feel his other magic had dissipated as well, no longer grinding against you.
He drew back from you, bracing his body over yours with his arms, his hands planted on either side of your head. <Understand?> he signed with summoned hands.
You were a panting mess, wide-eyed and nerves lit up with arousal.
“Yeah.” you breathed, “I mean, no, not really. Why--Is that--Do monsters--?” You couldn’t get a complete sentence out.
<Do you remember what I said about skeleton monsters and humans?>
“We share a common ancestor...So you have...a magic dick?”
<A vulgar term, but an apt one I suppose. Skeleton monsters are distinct in that regard.> He bent down and kissed your nose, then pulled back to gaze at your multi-hued eyes. <You do know we don’t have to do that, yes? There are other methods of drawing pleasure from one another, we are not required to have intercourse if you do not wish it.>
He was so blunt sometimes.
You really appreciated it.
“Well, what if I do?” your voice lacked any sort of conviction, and he pointedly stared down at you, raising a brow bone, “Well, not like right now, just some day.” you hurriedly amended.
You had a “some day” now. There had been a time when that wasn’t the case, when your life was counted in days and then hours, when you had once very desperately begged him to give you something. You weren’t even sure what you were asking for, just a desperate bid for intimacy before your untimely end.
(He’d told you no.)
<We take it slow. Investigate what you enjoy and go from there. It seems to have proven effective so far.> he let out a deep pleased growl against your neck, dragging the bone of his upper lip slowly over the spot he had just bit and healed. It made a whine escape you and your back arch slightly.
“That’s the most action I’ve seen since we started dating. Slow might be an understatement.” you groaned.
He pulled back again, looking down at you with concern. <You are a virgin.> he signed, plainly.
“Yeah, so?” your voice having a slight edge of offense. What did that matter?
<I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re uncomfortable with.> he kissed your cheek, nuzzling his skull against your skin affectionately.
“Since when have you pressured me into anything? Besides, you didn’t seem to have that concern the first time you used your tongue to kiss me, or the first time you bit me, or the first time you groped my ass.” you said while counting off on your fingers, your tone still sharp, stinging with an old hurt, “I don’t get why you’re being so cautious now.”
<Surely I was not--> he froze, staring down at you, eye sockets wide with realization, <Have you not kissed anyone before me?>
“Of course not, I was terrible at it! I haven’t done anything before you. You’re my first everything.”
He looked at you with a mixture of awe and amazement before claiming your lips again in a heated kiss.
There was a flicker to his magic, a ripple in his SOUL that echoed in yours, bound as they were to one another.
Mine.
All mine.
Always yours.
The thrumming reply was sent along silver threads that irrevocably tied you to him.
He reluctantly pulled back, his wide mouth smiling, eyelights warm as he took you in, laid out underneath him, willing and pure and his.
<Very well,> he signed, grin turning wider, darker, <When you feel you are ready, we can engage in such acts.> he suddenly grabbed your chin in a firm grip, phalanges curled around your jaw, rendering you immobile as his eyelights bored into you, all amusement gone, <You must tell me if anything I do makes you uncomfortable. I had assumed we were operating as such but I want it plainly stated now. You will speak up, yes?> he released you, a serious as you’d ever seen him.
“Yeah, of course.” you replied. An easy smile spread across your face, in contrast to his earnest and stern expression. Your arms loosely wrapped around his neck, tugging him closer as you peppered slow kisses along his mandible. “You know I trust you.” you murmured against his bones.
He nodded slightly, too close for him to sign.
[That worries me.]
Gaster did not speak very often, preferring to use his hands instead of communicating in wingdings, but oh how you loved the deep, rich sound that sent a shiver down your spine. You felt him seize at the reaction to his voice, and you soothed him, your lips migrating lower and grazing over his vertebrae, tongue peeking out to lathe against his bones. Quietly, he groaned and you grinned, exultant at having elicited such a sound from the massive skeleton.
“What worries you?” you softly asked, lips brushing over the ridges of his spine as you spoke.
He made a low sound, humming, growling, something primal and inhuman that shot straight to your core.
“Gaster?” you quietly questioned, feeling his labored breath making his rib cage expand and contract. He pulled back, and you frowned at the distance between your bodies.
<Apologies. This is what worries me. That I would lose control of my faculties and you would allow me to do whatever I pleased.>
“I don’t see the problem.” you said, tilting your head.
He frowned in turn.
<You are small.>
You scowled.
<“Rude!”> you flicked him in the center of his face with the sign.
He chuckled, rolling off to his side and gathering you up in his arms, kissing your hair.
<I meant no offense. Only that I don’t wish to harm you.>
“I could dust you right now.” you pouted. It was a joke, but at the same time...
You were human. A mage. A very, very powerful mage who re-wrote this timeline. There were few beings who could ever pose a true threat to you.
Gaster was not one of them.
<I know.> he signed, not a hint of fear or reprisal, <But there is more than one way to harm another person, and the last thing I wish to do is abuse your trust.> He kissed your cheek again, lips of bone briefly brushing over your freckles, <Can we go slow, even if only for my sake?>
“Yeah,” you agreed, looking over at him eagerly. “But when I’m ready, we can do it, right?”
<Of course. Whatever you ask.>
You smiled at the old refrain, adding to it;
“I love you.”
That had brought you a week and some change later to today when you had decided.
You wanted Gaster.
All of him.
What a terrifying and exhilarating prospect.
That of course had led to Gaster spitting coffee (not the sexy declaration you were hoping for) but your boyfriend quickly regained his composure, regarding you with only the slightest admonishing glare as you failed to answer his question. You lifted your chin, steadfast against the tall, intimidating monster.
<If I may remind you, we agreed to take things slow.>
“Yeah?” you replied, confused.
<By that I mean I do not wish to...> he blushed, and fuck if he couldn’t get a clear sentence out, what hope did you have? He cleared his non-existent throat, trying again, <Perhaps we work our way up to sex.>
“What do you mean?” you tilted your head, curious and cunning. You were going to make him spell it out for you, he realized. His blush deepened a darker shade of purple and you mischievously grinned wide, teeth showing. That earned a glare aimed down at you for finding such amusement in seeing him flustered. Getting the generally stoic skeleton to blush was probably your favorite thing in all the world.
<That we postpone sex for now and take it off the table temporarily.> Your grin dropped, instantly crestfallen. Was he telling you no, again?
<Temporarily, my dear.> he reassured, sensing through the Bond your changing mood, <Perhaps for now we conduct some exploration utilizing...other methods...> his leaned down to nuzzle the nape of your neck, his fingers trailing down along your shirt front, over the flat of your stomach and reaching under the hem of the shirt. And unlike every other time he teased you like this, you felt his phalanges skimming lightly over your inner thigh, hard bone grazing bare skin, drawing a sharp gasp from you. His hand ventured further up, up, until they brushed over your panties. Your breath stuttered as you felt the barest hinting tease of his touch stroking back and forth along your most sensitive places.
And fuck he was certainly teasing, that was exactly his intent, his phalanges just barely grazing over the cotton fabric. It wasn’t anywhere near enough pressure, and he knew it, bringing no satisfaction but perhaps hinting at the promise of it. Then, as if to extend his teasing torture, you felt the buzz of his magic and groaned quietly as his tongue trailed over the skin of your neck, up to a particularly sensitive spot behind your ear, just a brief taste, before he straightened back up and all traces of contact vanished, leaving you breathless and wanting.
<Is that agreeable?>
You swallowed heavily, trying to regain a hint of composure. “What about me?” you barely managed the words, voice a wrecked warble.
It was his turn to look confused, genuinely this time, <I don’t follow.>
“When do I ‘conduct my exploration’ of you?”
<Later.> he signed with a grin, and you pouted in disappointment, <I know what I like, dearest. You do not. I want your first time to be perfect.>
“Was yours?” you crossed your arms, trying not to look especially petulant. It was difficult with how much taller your partner was.
<Irrelevant.> he signed sharply.
“So that’ll be a ‘no’.” you groused.
[Alex.] he said with a sigh, and that was so unfair, how he could make you complacent with just the sound of his voice, <It would make me happy to do this for you. Would you please let me?> he asked, hands stroking up and down your upper arms placatingly.
You sighed, uncrossing your arms and allowing them to drop to your sides, one of his hands gently skimming downwards and holding your wrist, if only to maintain contact, thumb brushing over your pulse point. He always did so love the warmth of your skin, the vital beat of your heart alleviating an old ache in him. “Fine. But I want to make you feel good too...When can we do this ‘exploration’ then?”
Some might find it odd to schedule sex like one did a dentist appointment, but in this you and Gaster were quite aligned; you wanted to know the When, Where, and How at all times, so you could prepare, in this case, mentally and emotionally for what was to come.
<Tonight, if you wish. When is your last appointment?>
You pulled out your phone, snickering to yourself. You could literally add “SEX” on your calendar if you wanted. Or maybe “INFURIATING FOREPLAY” instead, since he was denying you the former. “It ends at five.” you answered, the words snaking around your amusement.
The corner of Gaster’s lips curled ever so slightly as he fought to remain the stoic one. Older, experienced, unfazed.
What an adorable facade.
<Tonight then, after dinner, if you wish.>
“I do.” you said, more serious than you had been, but a smile still present all the same.
He leaned down, nipping at your earlobe before rumbling lowly; [It’s a date.]
Dinner was unusually tense.
You made a light meal, figuring something heavy would put a damper on whatever activities you would find yourself engrossed in.
And oh, how you wondered. You’d been a mess of nerves and excitement all day. This was something new and unexplored, territory that very, very few humans had ventured into, and you wanted to experience every bit of it, every bit of him to the absolute fullest.
For Gaster’s part, you caught fervent looks cast your way on occasion, but otherwise your boyfriend had remained withdrawn throughout dinner. You offered to open a bottle of wine and he thoroughly declined.
It reminded you of the first time you’d kissed him, seeing nervousness in his eyelights, only this time you could feel it, threaded through his SOUL.
“Do you still want to do this?” you asked, chin resting on your palm, leaning on the cool kitchen countertop and watching his many summoned hands make efficient work of cleaning up after dinner was eaten.
<Of course,> he signed, bending down towards you while his conjured hands still toiled away, dotting your cheek with reassuring pecks of his bony lips. You’d never met someone so good at multitasking as him. <Do you?>
“Yeah, it's just...you seem...reluctant.” your voice apprehensive.
He seemed to be gathering his thoughts as he nervously wrung a dish towel in his hollow hands, twisting it so hard you worried he might tear the fabric. <I should have perhaps brought this up sooner but,> he gave you a wry grin, <You are more familiar than any with my hesitation to speak on uncomfortable topics.>
“Bit of an understatement.” you stood up, striding over and reaching up to embrace him, and he automatically leaned down so you wouldn’t have to get up on tiptoe to wrap your arms around his broad rib cage. “I thought we agreed to try and be better about that.” You'd had a bit of a breakdown recently and you had promised to be more open with him.
[I suppose that would make me a hypocrite if I avoided difficult discussions. Well...] he hesitated, drawing back and glancing down at you thoughtfully. <I am not sure why I so fear scaring you away, our SOULs are Bound together...Regardless, I wanted to inform you of certain...proclivities I have.> It was very rare his signs were so halting.
“What do you mean?” you asked, disconcerted.
<I am sure you’ve taken notice of how...aggressive I may be in our more intimate encounters.>
“Like when you climbed on top of me and started dry humping me without warning?” you said with an arched eyebrow and a slight grin.
<Yes, that would be such an instance.> You swore you saw violet magic dimly light his cheeks.
“Or whenever you bite me hard enough you have to use healing magic?”
He looked at you, worry playing out over his skull and SOUL alike that almost boarded on dismay. <Does it concern you when I do that? Any of it?>
He never did ask, and you never objected, it just sort of...happened. There was a bad habit of not communicating between the two of you, your hands and your lips more often than not doing the talking. That, and the tie between your SOULs. Emotions flitted freely between them, and perhaps Gaster thought there was too much reliance on that when it came to intimacy.
“Not at all.” you answered ardently, “Gaster, you know me. If something you did bothered me, I’d let you know. If it really bothered me I’d just toss you across the room.”
<You hate being vulnerable.> he noted. Now that was an understatement.
“Yeah, but that’s different.” you said, brow furrowing as you tried to explain, “When it’s you...I don’t know, maybe it's because you’d stop the second I say something? Before that even, you’d sense it.” you shifted in place a little anxiously, “You, uh, know how I scare easily?”
<Yes...> he signed reluctantly, trying to discern where this was headed.
“Sometimes when you do that stuff, it makes me a little nervous. In a good way?” you sighed, running your fingers through your hair, trying to more carefully craft your words, “Like a scary movie-”
<You hate those too.> he interrupted, your varicolored eyes narrowing in response.
“Yeah, just...look, this is really hard to explain. I know nothing bad will happen. I know it, in my SOUL,” you said meaningfully, and Gaster nodded, “So when you do that stuff, yeah, I get scared, but it’s also exciting. Thrilling really,” you paused to unconsciously lick your lips, “I like how it feels, like I’m not in control, even if I know ultimately I am.”
You glanced up at him, searching his eyelights. “...Does that make any sense?”
He stared back with wide, stunned sockets, and you might have misinterpreted that look if you didn’t feel a warmth bloom in your SOUL.
<...It does. You marvelous human, it does.> he bent down to capture your lips, his tongue invading your mouth with a fervency that made you shiver, tasting the premating buzz of his magic. One of his skeletal hands threaded through your hair before forming a fist, capturing your dark brown strands between his fingers. Firmly, but not roughly, he tugged down, forcing your head to tilt up, breaking the kiss and exposing your neck. He took full advantage, nipping at your delicate skin and trailing his magical tongue over the column of your pale throat, your body shivering from his touch.
[I love being in control of you. I love it when you are willing and pliant, when you submit and take it, even when it hurts...] the words spoken against your neck were low and rough, the bones of his lips pressed into your skin, digging into your flesh. Not quite hard enough to cause real pain, but the threat of it was just there, a hair’s breadth away. You could feel him panting again, breath shuddering against you.
You could also feel a wetness forming between your legs, your own breath coming in short, quick bursts.
He pulled back, his hand releasing his grip and the phalanges comfortingly running through your locks instead, the foreboding and possessive creature that had been there but a second ago gone. <It terrifies me at times, the things I wish to do to you. I never want you to--to see me like a threat, to ever feel unsafe.>
“I’ve never once felt like that.” you said, earnestly, “I trust you.”
<And I will always love you for that.> He leaned down to kiss you, soft and gentle like there wasn’t something dark lurking in him just under the surface. [May I take you to bed, my dear?] he murmured against your lips.
“Yes, please.” you breathed with a giddy smile.
That was all he needed to hear, and his long arms gathered you up, effortlessly cradling you close to his chest as he carried you to the bedroom.
“I love it when you do this.” you admitted in quiet tones, arms looping around his neck, trailing kisses along the vertebrae exposed above the collar of his sweater. “When you make me feel all safe and secure.” He made a strange, pleased sound, something low and deep, rumbling between a purr and a growl that emanated from somewhere in his ribcage, something surely only a skeleton monster was capable of.
It didn’t take him long to reach the bedroom, his long legs making the journey down the hall a brief one. He laid you on the bed, lowering his skull to press a hungry kiss to your mouth before straightening up, his bright eyelights peering down at you with an eagerness that made your heart stutter in your chest.
<As you seem quite fond of them, I’d like to play a sort of a game.>
“What?” you said breathlessly, a confused laugh escaping you, “Are you serious?”
<Very. Would you like to hear the rules?> he signed with summoned hands as he rolled up the sleeves of his sweater, exposing the twin bones of his forearms. You nodded, a mix of nervousness and excitement running through you that almost made you squirm. You managed to still yourself when his long arms reached for you, hands gripping your hips, phalanges digging into your clothes.
<You must tell me how you feel about whatever I am doing whenever I request it. And I will do so with this signal-> he tapped the bones of his middle finger against your hip twice. <-and you will respond with a color. Green if you find it enjoyable, red if you do not, and yellow if you’re indifferent. Acceptable so far?>
“Stars, you’ve put a lot of thought into this.” you said, giggling with amazement.
<I’m not the only one. You’ve cleared your browsing history repeatedly for the last week.> he responded with a flat look. Your face lit up a scarlet red, and you made a mental note to use your phone next time and not the laptop the two of you shared.
“I was curious about...stuff...” you stammered.
<And I am curious as to what you were looking at, but that is neither here nor there.> His grip tightened and he dragged you closer, looming over your prone form. <Do you accept?>
“Yes.” you squeaked.
<Good, now the second rule...> he leaned lower, skimming his lips over your neck, your head unthinkingly tilting to expose more of yourself to him, a move that made that pleased humming sound again. [You cannot come until I say so.]
You froze, eyes wide as you stared up at the ceiling.
...Did you hear that right??
He stilled, breathing softly against your neck, and you felt something stirring in your SOUL, something probing, questioning. You traced along it, your own senses trying to pick apart the threads of his emotions.
Excitement, fear, eagerness, desperation, worry, anticipation....so much ran through his SOUL, and you wondered how much of it was mirrored from your own.
“Okay.” you whispered.
<You’re sure?> he signed, lifting his head, looking almost surprised.
“Yeah,” you affirmed, your voice breathy, a smile slowly spreading, “Yeah, I’ll play.”
A pleased smile curled Gaster’s lips, holding dark promises in that grin.