Chapter Text
But if there's two things I know
It's that the sky looked white
And the water like wine when I first met you
But somewhere along the line
Rayleigh scattered across my eye
And I found her blue
Getting summoned to Toriel’s house often felt like getting called into the principal's office.
You racked your mind considering what you could have possibly done, or if there was some grave announcement to be made. Was Gaster’s trial finally set? Were negotiations with the humans breaking down? Was she pissed at you for letting Frisk have that magnifying glass? They were too sweet to roast ants, how were you supposed to know they’d try to light leaves on fire instead? Asriel had fire magic, what’s the worst that could have happened?
(You realized when you found Frisk missing part of an eyebrow you should never, ever, use that phrase around the Dreemurr children.)
Seeing the assembled monsters (and one human) in her living room didn’t help. Frisk, Sans, Papyrus, Alphys, and Undyne loitered in the cozy home. It was almost the same group you had seen when you were first called for an audience before the Queen, now with the addition of Chara and Asriel.
Oh god, what was wrong now?
Relax.
The silent instruction came from the tall skeleton monster at your side who squeezed your hand, his fingers entwined with yours much like your SOUL was with his. Gaster’s eyelights drifted down towards you, a soft and reassuring smile on his lips.
Do you know something I don’t?
In lieu of an answer, spoken, signed, or otherwise, he nodded his skull towards Sans, who was sleeping on the couch.
Actually sleeping. Not that fake snoring bit he pulled all the time.
Well, if he was that chilled out, maybe it wasn’t so bad? He was Tori’s confidant, usually finding out the goings-on of monster politics long before anyone else.
If he was snoozing, it must have not been all that alarming.
Sure enough, the queen herself came striding into the room, all relaxed smiles and warm cherrywood-colored eyes that crinkled at the corners.
“Greetings, friends. I am sure you are all very curious as to why I have gathered you here today.” her rich voice filled the room, soothing and radiating kind amity, “I would like to begin by saying how grateful I am for all of your hard work this past month. I understand how trying these times have been, and how much I appreciate your efforts in the face of such adversity.”
She took a deep breath, her smile growing, “To show my appreciation, I felt it would be best if we all took some time to relax and enjoy ourselves. It does not do well to work yourself to the bone.” Tori grinned, looking over at Sans, who was still sleeping. Her warm smile fell immediately, and she loudly cleared her throat.
Sans let out a whistling snore.
Papyrus unceremoniously kicked his brother who startled awake.
“wha-- i have a permit--” he snorted as he sat up, his dirty hoodie rumpled.
“As I was saying,” she said pointedly, directing a mildly peeved look at the small skeleton, a blue blush of magic dancing over Sans’s skull, “To thank you, I have arranged a group outing. In one week’s time, I would request that you join me on a trip to a lovely beach house I have rented for four days.”
<Like a family vacation?> Frisk excitedly signed.
“Precisely, my child.” Toriel smiled down at them.
“Hell yeah!” Undyne cheered with a fist pumping into the air, Alphys grinning along with her.
“Chara!” Asriel exclaimed, shaking the surprised plant monster’s shoulder, “We get to see the ocean!”
Papyrus began posing like he was Mr. Universe, “I CAN SHOW OFF MY BEACH BOD!”
“O-oh, Alex, w-we should go sh-shopping for swimsuits t-together.” Alphys stuttered as she eagerly clicked her claws together.
You blinked, feeling a little stunned.
“Me?” was all you could manage.
“what, you thought you weren’t invited, pal?” Sans asked with a lazy grin.
...No, no you didn’t.
That was...really nice.
“Yeah, I’d love to, Alphys.” you finally answered, managing to force your mouth into the vague shape of a smile. Thankfully, the momentary attention on you was drawn away as the excited conversations continued without your further input.
<Are you alright?> Gaster signed, looking concerned.
“Yeah, I just--” you let out a shuddering breath, feeling the familiar sting in your eyes that preluded tears, “It’s nice...”
...Having a family.
You didn’t want to say that last part aloud.
Because if you did, it could be denied.
His long arms wrapped around you, pulling you close against him as he kissed the crown of your head. You buried your face into his dark overcoat, wanting to hide your overemotional reaction to what should have been something celebratory instead.
[You always will, my dear.] he murmured very quietly into your hair.
The week that passed was surprisingly swift. Time normally didn’t work like that when you had something to look forward to, but you were still as busy as ever with work and the goings-on at the monster embassy, and now you had to make time to shop and pack for your trip.
You were missing some basics. A bathing suit for starters, though one (slightly stressful) shopping trip with Alphys corrected that (good god, what were you thinking buying that bikini? You shouldn’t have listened to Alphys when she suggested it.) Additionally, you needed flip-flops, sunglasses (another perk you discovered of wearing contacts, you could just buy non-prescription sunglasses off the rack), travel-sized toiletries, and a dozen other small things that you hadn’t considered until you found yourself missing them the last time you left your home. When you were gone for nearly three weeks to die in the Underground.
No. You were not thinking about that.
Of course you also had to research the shit out of your destination. It was a small beach town that was pretty far out of the way from Ebott. Toriel had carefully picked this place, an ideal location, balancing limiting exposure to humans and a locale that was actually fun to visit. Politics were never far from the queen’s mind, and while monster-human relations weren’t too contentious (for the moment, at least) there was still enough anti-monster sentiment outside your safe little bubble at Ebott Springs to avoid highly populated areas. Better a town of a few thousand humans than tens or hundreds of thousands at some of the more touristy destinations. Not every city was used to a giant bipedal dog casually crossing the street, or a bakery run entirely by spiders, like the residents of Ebott were.
Gaster was decidedly less thrilled than you about the whole thing. The unfortunate result of you being INTEGRITY and your SOULs being tied together was that you couldn’t hide anything from each other. So while you tried to be optimistic, he really just couldn’t be bothered to match it with pointless faux enthusiasm. He saw this trip as more of an ordeal to endure rather than a vacation. It was kinda bumming you out, which he picked up on as well.
<You do realize I was only invited due to my relationship with you and my brothers, yes?> he signed to you the night before you were due to leave. You had just returned from Toriel’s and were packing the last of your bags in your bedroom and then calling it an early night.
“Yeah.” you said, a little dejectedly. No one knew Gaster as you did, which meant few would forgive him as you had. Toriel was kind, but as her ex-husband was likely very aware, she did not easily forgive, “Do you just want to stay here?”
<And leave you alone for four days?> he dismissively shook his head, <I think not.>
Your eyes narrowed, “I’m a big girl you know, I will be just fine by myself.” you retorted with your hand on your hip.
He raised a brow bone, then patted the top of your head that didn’t even reach his sternum in demonstration, <Big?>
“...Listen here you overgrown bonehead-” you said, jabbing a finger into said sternum, and he chuckled and coiled an arm around you, effortlessly picking you up and nuzzling against your neck before plying kisses against your skin, “You can’t--Mnn--get out of this with kiss--Ah!” You felt the buzzing, tingling sensation of his tongue tracing over your throat and that just killed whatever words you were supposed to say.
<I know you are quite capable of fending for yourself.> he signed with summoned hands, having effectively quieted you, and his expression turned a little more remorseful, <But so long as you have to contend with your night terrors, no, you will not be by yourself. I won’t leave you to go through them alone.>
You stared at him, caught between appreciating the very sweet words warring with your knee-jerk reaction to hate having your...issues dragged out, their existence acknowledged.
You sighed, conceding to the former and kissing his fractured cheek, “Thank you,” you said quietly, trying to sound more grateful than dejected, “But you’ve said repeatedly that I need a break and you are as bad of a workaholic as I am. Can you at least try to relax and enjoy yourself instead of being a gigantic grump?”
<I have a reputation to uphold.> he replied, setting you gently down on the bed, <Have you not heard? To Lilly I am ‘the tall grumpy skeleton’. If I cheer up I may get confused with Papyrus, because our resemblance is so uncanny. We can’t have that.>
You tried (and failed) to muffle a snort of laughter behind a hand. At least he could joke about his broken visage.
(And maybe you could laugh at your own scars one day as well.)
“Overgrown stature aside, Papyrus definitely has you beat in the fashion department. Only the colorblind couldn’t pick you two apart.”
<I thought you found my clothing choices rather fetching?> he signed, looking slightly put out.
“Oh, I do, you just look like you’re always ready to attend a funeral,” you gestured to his open luggage that was filled with mostly black clothes and the occasional shade of grey, “While Pap looks like a fabulous rainbow vomited on him.”
[Hmm...] <Well you seem to have taken a fashion cue from my other brother,> he picked up one of your endless graphic tees in his spindly fingers, [Even your clothes are so tiny.] he murmured quietly to himself.
“Hey!” you said, reaching up and snatching away your shirt, “One, never compare me to Sans. And two, there’s a new dress in there, thank you very much.” you said primly, patting your duffel bag.
<There is?> His brow bones elevated in surprise at that news, and his eyelights gleaming with something you could almost call covetous.
“Yes, there is.” you folded the shirt back up, placing it back into the bag, “I’m well aware my wardrobe is very casual, but I never had a reason to consider wearing anything pretty outside of work before now.”
<Before you kept company with a queen, you mean?>
...For someone so intelligent, Gaster could be really dumb sometimes.
“Before I had you.” came your admonishing correction.
That only confused him more, <You needn’t purchase additional clothing for my sake.>
“I know,” you said with an indulgent nod, “But I wanted to. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you looked at me the last time you saw me in a dress.”
He blinked in surprise before a slow half-smirk tugged at one corner of his lips, something dark and too-pleased in his expression, eyelights bright in his black sockets. Your SOUL fluttered at that look, and you couldn’t bear to stare at it a second longer when your cheeks erupted in a heated blush. Yet you made sure to commit the afterimage in your mind to memory, to always remember that devilishly handsome smirk reserved just for you.
Before you knew it, you, your boyfriend, his brothers and the rest of your friends were standing in the early morning sunlight in the parking lot of Ebott Manors outside the queen’s townhome, bearing witness to scene of general pandemonium:
Undyne and Papyrus were having a heated discussion over which route to take to your beachfront destination, Alphys desperately trying to key in directions on her phone and then re-inputting them when one of the towering monsters behind her insisted the other was wrong.
Sans was slouched against a pile of luggage, his eyes unseen due to a pair of large, dark sunglasses taped to the sides of his skull. You were sure he was supposed to be loading the bags into the cars, but were even more certain he was sleeping instead.
Toriel was scolding Asriel who was making terrible whining noises (thank god he wasn’t a flower anymore, you’d claw your eardrums out if you had to hear it at his old pitch), Chara looking almost impassive next to him while knitting an article with pink yarn. Only on occasion did their right eyelid twitch, subtly indicating their irritation. Meanwhile, Frisk was tugging on Toriel’s dress in a silent attempt to gain her attention.
“But moooom!” Asriel whined petulantly.
“I said no Asriel Dreemurr! You spend far too many hours on that infernal device, I forbid it!” Toriel sternly commanded.
“It’s a three hour drive! I won’t play it when we get there just please, please let me take my Switch!” he pleaded, red thorns interlocked and eyes imploringly wide and shining. It was a look that could give a begging puppy a run for its money.
Toriel was entirely unmoved by the adorable display, turning to her eldest child whose knitting needles clicked furiously against each other, “Chara, where-”
“It is in his backpack, second pocket.” they stated, the corners of their lips ever so slightly dipping into a frown.
“Chara!” Asriel shouted, the betrayal on his face quickly replaced with anger.
“You have made me drop a stitch twice with your incessant whining. While I have promised myself to never inflict physical violence upon you for as long as we shall live, I am finding my patience thoroughly tested. Now please, brother, be silent!” they hissed.
All the while, Frisk continued tugging on Toriel’s dress, every yank of their small fist growing more insistent.
...You were reminded of the reasons why you never wanted kids.
<Are you absolutely certain you wish to participate in this...> he swept a hand over the chaotic scene before you, <experience?>
“Family vacations are supposed to be like this...I think.” your brow furrowed, recalling the trips you had gone on growing up. They were fucking miserable; Your mom yelled, your dad quietly complained, and you cried. Surely this one would be better with your monster friends and boyfriend.
...Right?
<I wouldn’t know.> Gaster signed, looking back over at you, <My family certainly never participated in such excursions.>
“Then we should go. To make up for lost time.” you said, smiling up at him, “Lighten up, it will be fun. Or something fun-adjacent at least.”
Both of you looked at the queen as Toriel suddenly raised her voice, the sound she produced more shrill than you could ever recall.
“Chara Dreemurr, do not put your knitting needle in Asriel’s nostril! Remove it at once!”
Gaster’s eye sockets narrowed as he slowly turned his gaze over to you.
<Just remember, we could have had four days to ourselves. Alone.>
...Shit, you really hoped you wouldn’t regret this.
Somehow, miraculously, the luggage got loaded without any casualties, but getting the passengers to sort themselves out was another hassle and a half.
Chara was refusing to ride with Asriel, some missed altercation occurring just before the needle up the nose incident causing the two to glare at one another heatedly. “He is in my head incessantly, is some time to myself so much to ask for!?” they hissed under their breath, storming over to the car Undyne was driving, their dark eyes meeting yours for a moment.
You and Gaster were the only ones who knew what it was like, after all. To have all that you were tied to someone else.
Loaded in with all the luggage, Toriel, Frisk, Asriel, and Sans were riding in the queen’s oversized van driven by Papyrus, while Alphys of course would be next to Undyne in their shared Jeep that only had four seats. That meant there was one seat left per vehicle, so you and Gaster had to be split up. But you had already decided who was going where.
“There’s no way in hell I’m spending three hours trapped in a car with Sans.” you said, crossing your arms.
<You wish to subject me to him?> he loured down at you as he signed.
“Sorry G,” you said with a shrug and a (perhaps just a touch condescending) pat to his arm, “He’s your brother.”
[And the queen??] he said, low enough for only you to hear.
“...She’s generally stopped glaring at you at least?” you offered with a slightly more sheepish shrug, “It’s more like a mildly irritated frown these days. Just sit next to Papyrus and you’ll live.”
“oh c’mon bro, you don’t want to hang out with me?” Sans said, suddenly in Gaster’s personal space. He was actually harder for you to track when he wasn’t teleporting, his magic all but a beacon to your magical senses. Instead, he seemed to have just waltzed up while the two of you were distracted by your quiet (and what should have been presumably private) conversing. You tried your best to hide your distaste but Gaster certainly didn’t, a deep scowl on his skull as his younger brother started nudging (pushing) him towards the van, “we have so much to catch up on, i need to tell ya all about my old hot dog stand.”
<We are teleporting home, I will not be subjected to this twice.> Gaster signed, casting a look back at you, though he allowed Sans to lead him away. Sans also glanced over his shoulder, throwing you a wink.
...Did Sans just...spare you his presence?
What the fuck, him being nice was really fucking weird.
“Alright nerds, who’s picking the music first?” Undyne asked, dangling a tangled aux cable once your convoy finally pulled away from Toriel’s house and came up to speed on the highway.
“Oh! Me!” you excitedly said, the cable glowing as you tugged it closer in a blue haze. The tangled cord writhed like some possessed snake as it twisted and unwound itself in your absentmindedly cast magic, “Shit, I forgot to make a playlist for this trip...” you murmured. You had a playlist for everything. You scrolled through them trying to find an appropriate substitute for what would have been titled “Beach Vacation.”
“No pansy-ass shit, I don’t want to snooze while we cruise.” Undyne barked.
You clicked your tongue in offense, “Folk rock is-”
“Boring! If I hear one banjo I’m snatching that cord back.”
You grumbled under your breath, debating some songs with mandolins and accordions just to annoy the fish monster as you scrolled.
“S-so, um, C-Chara, what sort of m-music do you like?” Alphys asked, twisting in the passenger seat to look back at the plant monster seated next to you.
The rhythmic clicking of their needles ceased and their dark eyes stared up at the yellow monster, their gaze bordering on unsettling. Alphys paled slightly, self-consciously adjusting her glasses and seemingly regretting trying to include the young monster in the conversation.
Most of your friends...tolerated Chara. The monster population at large was overjoyed to have their Child of Hope returned, but those closest to the royal family knew the whole sordid tale of their reincarnation. And their body count. Your friends were respectful of the queen’s child and heir, but it was a very distant and impartial brand of respect. You, on the other hand, felt a sort of closeness to Chara. Not the same kind that you had with Frisk and Asriel, but it was impossible for you to have experienced all that you had and not feel something for them. They carried a shard of your SOUL, after all, just as you did theirs.
They eventually replied, their voice a trademarked eerie calm, like dead, still waters inside a black cave; “I do not frequently listen to music. I much prefer the sound of silence.”
...Okay, they just lost some points with you.
“Ugh, that’s the worst!” Undyne tactlessly exclaimed. At least you had the decency to keep your mouth shut about it, even if you completely agreed with her, “I can’t even imagine working out without some music!”
Chara nodded, “Yes, I could understand how someone like you would consider being alone with your thoughts rather a dull experience.”
“O-oh, look, here’s a song!” you cried, desperately tapping at random on a track. Before Undyne could fully digest the silver-tongued demon’s veiled insult, a pop-y, upbeat rhythm started playing over the speakers.
“...This is pretty catchy.” Undyne admitted, narrowing her eye and squeezing the steering wheel so tightly there was a creaking sound, seemingly letting the comment go. You quietly sighed in relief before glaring warningly over at Chara who caught your gaze, meeting your eyes with a dark look of their own.
Underneath that cold, quiet anger was pain. They were hurting and lashing out at the nearest target. It was difficult to remember that despite being “alive” for far longer than anyone in this car, at the end of the day, they were still young. A teenager who had been through much worse than you had.
“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked quietly, not even sure what “it” was, but offering nonetheless.
Their frown soured, “No.” they curtly replied, eyes shifting back down to their knitting, before adding a delayed; “Thank you.” voice barely audible.
The next couple hours were spent with you playing DJ, fielding requests from Undyne and Alphys (and trying desperately to find one song that Chara found enjoyable (you failed)). Sometimes a song would lead to a story, some misadventure that happened with Papyrus during a practice drill, or an unfortunate experiment involving microwaved kimchi that Alphys related over a Kpop backdrop. Even Chara seemed to relax eventually over the interspersed sounds of laughter and music.
Alphys was searching for a song from one of her latest anime binges when your phone started beeping, indicating one text message after another.
“O-oh, i-it’s Doctor G-Gaster...” Alphys noted, passing you the phone as far as the cable would allow.
You opened up your messages, selecting the newest ones from Gaster:
NEVER AGAIN, ALEX.
A picture started downloading underneath it.
“Huh...Hey, Undyne, have you ever seen a skeleton monster drool?” you casually asked.
The fish monster seemed to ponder that, scratching her cheek. “Nope, never seen Papyrus do it anyways.”
“Hm. Well.” you showed Alphys the picture and she snorted a giggle at the image.
“What’s so funny?” Undyne asked.
“I guess Sans’s drool is blue.” Alphys noted, still giggling.
The picture was a poorly captured selfie of a very grumpy-looking Gaster seated in the back row of the van, and a sleeping Sans propped up against him, magical saliva dripping out of the corner of his mouth and onto Gaster’s black coat.
You were 100% sure it was intentional.
I am dangerously close to teleporting both of us off a cliff. Being dashed across rocks would assuredly be a better fate than this.
You elected not to point out that, despite all your boyfriend’s grumbling, he could just wake Sans up or shove him off, but you found it rather sweet that he chose instead to complain to you as he silently suffered his brother’s slobbery presence.
It felt like the beginnings of mending a bridge.
“Oh, Undyne, pull over up here!” you said, leaning forward in your seat and pointing at the sign that flew by proclaiming; “SCENIC OVERLOOK”.
“We’re almost there!” she groused, roughly rubbing her face. You were all starting to feel the fatigue of being trapped in a car for hours on end, and the antsy anticipation of being so close to your destination.
“This’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides, Pap needs to catch up.”
“Maybe if he didn’t drive like a grandma...” she grumbled, signaling to turn into the pull off. (Somehow you could just hear Papyrus proclaim, “IT’S A SPEED LIMIT, NOT A SPEED SUGGESTION!”)
The road curved a short ways before dead-ending into a small parking lot. From there an outcropping jutted out over the sea, covered in wild grasses that waved in the breeze. An old and weathered protective railing curved along the edge of the overlook, but beyond it...
Endless blue, racing towards the horizon. The ocean below, the cloud speckled sky above, carrying on always and forever.
The occupants of the jeep climbed out, groaning and stretching for a moment and walking down the short path that led to the overlook. You propped your feet on the lower bar of the railing, your weight pressed against the barrier and tilted towards the ocean. Chara stood beside you, the salt-scented sea breeze tossing loose strands of your hair about, while their leaves and flower petals rustled softly.
“This is real?” they spoke, their voice just above a whisper.
“Mmhmm,” you hummed an affirmative, “It was a bit more surreal in my head but, yeah, I’m sure what you saw derived from this.” There were obvious differences of that shared landscape you and Chara once occupied, like how it was day instead of the evernight, or how the ocean was a glittering, sun-glinting thing of movement and unending waves compared to that glassy, unnaturally sapphire lake in your mindscape. “I take it you never saw the ocean before you fell?” you asked, looking over to them.
They shook their head, dark eyes wide with wonder, staring at the watery expanse in silence.
You decided to not interrupt the quiet moment with more questions, letting the only sounds be the wind and the waves, and occasionally the laughter of Undyne and the giggling of Alphys drifting your direction as they posed a short distance away, taking selfies together.
Soon enough, Toriel’s van pulled up next to the jeep, it’s many passengers unloading (except, notably, Sans). The youngest among them were the first to reach your spot, Frisk and Asriel racing up towards their sibling. Chara frowned, gaze narrowing slightly, and sensing the approach of Asriel they turned to leave.
“Wait, c’mon, I wanted to see this with you.” he said, grabbing their hand before they could depart, “I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean it, you know I don’t care about that. I was just trying to piss you off...”
You felt like you were intruding a bit and hopped down from the railing and wandered off a little ways to put distance between yourself and the Dreemurrs, following the curving railing and catching the eyelights of one tall bespectacled skeleton. With long, elegant strides, Gaster walked up beside you as you turned to face the ocean once more. One arm curled around your middle, his hand resting on your hip.
“We couldn’t see this at home.” you said with a grin, leaning against his tall frame.
<No, I suppose not.> he admitted, <It is rather unsettling.> You looked up at him questioningly, and he expounded; <No barriers, no ceilings, no walls. The exposure and openness of it all is...discordant. I either existed in the unreality of the limitless void, or the confines of the Underground. This,> he swept a summoned hand over the boundless meeting of turquoise sea and azure sky, <Does not parse well with that framing.>
“I kinda felt the same when I learned about SOULs, something not fitting with everything you understand about the world...But I always found comfort in this.” you breathed in the oceanic air and exhaled, eyes drawn back to that thin line seated at infinity that marked the horizon, “This is what freedom looks like to me. Like forever exists right there, and there’s nothing to stop me from chasing it.”
<...You’d never reach it.> he signed, like it was a reluctant admission, and he was missing some crucial piece of an equation.
You shook your head, wondering if he ever thought in terms beyond the literal, “That doesn’t matter. The point is that I could try. No barriers, no walls, I’m free to pursue it if I want. No one can tell me to stay put or do as I’m told, there’s all these opportunities, everything exists just out there, and...”
Words failed you, so you communicated through the Soul Bond instead, letting him feel as you did; That giddy rush, like wings spread, ready to take flight, or those first few steps when breaking into a sprint, when you felt light as air and swift as the wind, where there were limitless possibilities within your grasp, and you were boundless energy ready to explore and discover, unchained and unburdened. And how that forever called to you, a promise of new discoveries and yet unseen wonders, and how your SOUL sang out to chase them.
He stared down at you in fascination before his eyelights drifted away from your face and towards the ocean, his expression pensive as he tried to examine the scene before him, to see it as you did.
“Hey lovebirds!” Undyne called from the parking lot, shattering his reverie, “Get your asses in the car or we’re leaving you behind!” she yelled impatiently.
You huffed a laugh through your nose, “There’s more of these views where we’re going.” your fingers wove together with his as you tugged him away from the overlook. The two of you walked hand in hand back to Undyne’s car. Chara had vacated their spot, leaving you free to settle your weight against his solid bones as much as your seatbelt would allow, your fingers laced with his as the view of the ocean receded in the rearview mirror.