Chapter Text
Left. Then to the right. Jab. Duck.
Jay deftly guided himself around his training dummy, focusing on the occasional shock he was supposed to send through its wooden body.
Punch - chest first, then chin.
The dummy swung its arm again, almost catching Jay off guard.
Not yet. Jay refused to be the first one to get hit by the dummies.
To his right, Kai was attempting to light his on fire (against the rules, but whatever). To his left, Nya, dodging hits and spraying flicks of water.
She caught Jay’s glance at her and glared, turning away.
Jay winced. They’d broken up last week. Well, more specifically, Nya had accused him of cheating due to a lack of interest in intimacy, and wouldn’t listen when Jay denied it, terminating their relationship. She’d quickly spread the rumour around the team, causing more than a few dirty looks his way.
Woah, fuck, dummy nearly caught him again. Jay pounded it, still lost in his thoughts.
If someone had asked him, he wouldn’t know why he didn’t want to do anything with Nya. He really didn’t. He had wanted to get in a relationship, but once in one, had no idea what to do about it.
Maybe romance wasn’t his thing. He should stick to something else.
A nag at the back of his head begged to differ though. But Jay did not have the time to contemplate that right now.
He heard an “oof” as Lloyd was whacked on the shoulder. Great! He didn’t have to worry about being the first one now.
It was when his eyes strayed to check out the damage when he caught a glint of dark muscle in the corner of his eye.
Jay promptly turned back to his task.
He wasn’t thinking about it.
He wasn’t.
Except, he kind of is.
Jay can pretend all he wants, and sure, women can be really pretty, but he’s never been attracted to them. Not really.
But that doesn’t mean he’s gay! That’s just... he just hasn’t met the right lady yet.
That’s all there is to it.
Jay refused to let his mind drift where it wanted to, accidentally peeking once more at Cole’s bicep.
Just jealousy. That’s all. Jay wants to be as muscular as Cole. He is not attracted to him.
Because he isn’t attracted to guys. Definitely not.
Just because you want to maybe kiss someone a little bit, that doesn’t mean you’re gay!
Jay was not gay. Not at all.
Fucking hell, Jay’s totally gay. It hits him when he’s trying to sleep later on.
Arguably, if you have to spend a whole lifetime debating it in your head, chances are, you got a big case of the homosexual.
Jay turned over.
He’s gay? For real?
Like... actually gay?
Jay thinks about Cole’s arms again.
Even if he is a tiny bit gay, that doesn’t mean he is attracted to Cole. Cole is a friend. A teammate. A work colleague.
Jay is not attracted to Cole.
Satisfied with that made up argument, Jay rolls over to go to sleep.
The second his eyes close, he pictures Cole’s lips.
They snap open again.
Right. He’s a teeny bit gay for Cole. This is too many revelations for one night. Jay is tired, he just wants to sleep.
If his brain could stop throwing curveballs at him, that would be greatly appreciated thank you.
It’s probably just the idea of Cole anyway. Maybe that was his type. Not Cole the person. But bodywise, Cole was kind of up his alley.
Jay didn’t want to dwell on it. So of course he did.
Would he kiss Cole? Maybe a little bit. Just in the cheeks. And the lips. But only a peck! Unless Cole wanted a longer kiss, which wouldn’t be too bad.
For fucks sake.
Stop it right now, Jay Walker.
There is no way Cole would want to kiss you, even if you maybe want him to.
Which you don’t. So you should stop immediately.
Jay didn’t get much sleep.
Everyone seemed to have notice the dark circles under Jay’s eyes.
“Trouble sleeping?”
Jay nodded curtly, shovelling cereal into his mouth.
“Poor you... did your sidepiece cut you off?”
“Nya. How many times? I’m not seeing anyone. I did not cheat on you. There is no sidepiece.”
Nya rolled her eyes.
“Well, I don’t care anyway. Because I have a date.”
Kai raised his brows.
“Who? Do I know them? Treat you well?”
“Cole treats me perfectly actually. Just like a man should.”
There was quiet.
“Cole? Cole, as in sitting right there, Cole?”
“Mhm! He’s taking me out to dinner.”
Cole looked slightly embarrassed.
“I - uh - I never said it was a date, but, I guess?” Cole turned to Jay. “This is... this is okay right?”
Jay hesitated. Not really. Jay would much rather Cole take him out to dinner, but that’s whatever.
In the hesitation, Nya jumped in.
“You don’t need Jay’s permission. He doesn’t own me.”
“She’s right.” Jay shrugged. “Have fun.”
Except please don’t.
Kai looked bemused, before becoming resolute.
“If you hurt her-”
“Shut up Kai, I can look after myself.”
Nya glanced at Jay then. She looked slightly disappointed.
“What?” It was slightly grumpier than intended.
“Just expected you to fight a lil harder.”
“I’m sorry? You’re the one that broke it off with me!”
“I’d expect you to be at least a little jealous! I forgot you have someone else.”
“There’s not - I’m not having this conversation again.”
Jay had, at some point, stood up. The other ninja were watching them.
“You should calm down. Both of you.” Zane mumbled.
Jay tutted, and waltzed off to his room.
He was sitting across from Nya. Neither one of them wanted to break the ice.
They’d been sent to talk it out after a few too many arguments over the past weeks.
“I promise you. I didn’t cheat.” Jay shattered the silence first.
“I just don’t understand. For someone who seemed to want to be in a relationship with me, you didn’t want to do any romantic things.”
“I know. I didn’t understand either. But I’ve been thinking. And I figured out why.”
“Why? You owe at least that much to me.”
Jay shifted.
“I don’t think I’m ready to say.”
“Really? You expect me to buy that?”
“Well. I mean... I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“This isn’t helping your case.”
“I don’t have a case. Nya, my interest or lack of in sex is none of your business. Especially not now.”
Nya mulled something over.
“Wait... are you ace? Because if you are, I’m so sorry, I - that’s-”
“No. I’m not.”
“Then what, Jay? I tried to make things work. You didn’t co-operate. Please. An explanation, and then we can leave this.”
“How was your date with Cole?”
Nya scowled.
“Don’t change the subject. It was fine. Back to the matter.”
“Please don’t go out with him again.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
Jay fiddled with his fingers.
“Did you kiss?”
“That’s not your fucking business.”
Jay imagined kissing Cole. And then stopped himself immediately.
“Did you though?”
“Yes. A little. But-”
“What was it like?”
“Why are you so interested? You’re being weird. Me and Cole - that’s nothin good to do with you, so -”
A million more questions were flying through Jay’s head. What does Cole taste like? Did he do cute stuff, like pet names? Does Cole run fingers through your hair while you kiss? These were all questions that should never be asked, as well as making it harder and harder for Jay to deny his crush.
“Did Cole talk about me?”
“He asked what specifically happened between us. Stop it. This isn’t about Cole, this is about you not being able to tell me why our relationship failed. Maybe this lack of communication?”
Jay thought. He really thought. Does he tell Nya?
It’s scary. The first person he’d ever be coming out to, his ex girlfriend.
Ugh.
“Jay. Once more; why didn’t you want me?”
“I’m gay.”
Fuck, there, he’d said it. Jay refused to look Nya in the eye. He could feel his legs shaking.
“Oh.”
Oh??? Was that good or bad?
“Sorry.”
Jay didn’t know why he was apologising. He just felt compelled to.
“Sorry? No, no, Jay, this is... oh. No, I’m sorry. I - does anyone else know?”
Jay shook his head.
“I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m really sorry. But, also, cool! Uh...”
“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine. Just... don’t mention this. Please.”
“I won’t. Your parents?”
“Nya, I only figured this out recently. You’re the first person.”
“Oh. Damn.”
A silence lingered, unbroken for a minute.
“And Cole...?”
“We’re not talking about that. I don’t understand how I’m feeling.”
“I get it. Damn. How long have you known you liked guys?”
“A while. I think. I just didn’t, really, accept it, I suppose. I tried not to focus on it. Thought I just hadn’t found the right girl.”
“Your parents okay with gay people?”
“I wouldn’t know. Do you think the team...?”
“Jay. We love you. Of course they will.”
Jay nodded.
“I mean hey, now I have someone to talk about boys with!”
“Ha, yeah. You do. But, maybe not Cole. I hope you guys do good, I do. I just don’t really want to hear about it.”
Nya bit her lip.
“I don’t think I’m attracted to him. Now, Kai’s chick, on the other hand...”
Jay raised a brow.
“Skylor?”
“Yeah. I guess you’re not the only member of the team that’s lgbt.”
Jay snorted, and knocked shoulders with her.
“I guess not.”
Another wave of quiet.
“I’m sorry. For how things happened between us.”
“No. No. It’s okay. I - you’re not attracted to women. It was bound to happen.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
Things went back to normal. For the most part. Nya and Jay weren’t dating, and Jay was harbouring his secret, but everyone was as close as ever. Cole didn’t seem to have batted an eyelid when Nya told him they weren’t going to be an item. In fact, by the relax in his shoulders, he seemed almost relieved.
Jay caught Cole’s eye and smiled wryly, earning a small smirk in return.
It was with Cole’s glance that made Jay want to tell everybody at dinner. It was Cole’s glance that made Jay draw their attention, that made him clear his throat, that made him want to come out.
Everyone was accommodating. It was almost a celebration. Jay had no idea where Lloyd stored his party poppers but an endless supply had appeared out of nowhere.
It was Cole’s glance that helped Jay make his decision. And it was that glance that pushed Jay into realising that he definitely had a thing for the earth ninja. He wanted Cole supporting him in everything, he wanted to share little smiles and giggles with him, he wanted to be able to wrap his arms across Cole’s broad chest and feel a large hand glide across his back. Jay wanted Cole.
And that was the most terrifying thing Jay had ever realised.