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1.
Jay fiddled with his thumbs, biting his lip.
“We should break up.”
There were a mix of emotions flooded across Nya’s face then.
“What? Why?”
Jay’s stomach turned. Not right now. He shook his head.
Nya looked him up and down, before taking his hands.
“I - we can work this out, right? Please Jay. Let’s talk about this.”
“Nya. It isn’t something we can work out.”
“Well, not with that attitude! C’mon. Babe. What’s going on?”
Jay hesitated.
“I’m gay.”
Nya blinked, before snorting.
“You’re joking right? Jay, we’ve been together for a while, and now you’re gay?”
Jay shifted, concentrating fiercely on the blue fabric of his tee.
“I’ve always been gay. I just... didn’t know how to say it. So I pretended I wasn’t. And then you wanted to get more, uh, intimate? And I figure it’s better for both of us if this happens now. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m sorry.”
“No. You don’t have to apologise.”
There was a long stretch of silence.
“We can still be bros, right?”
“Yeah, of course! Except - you didn’t date me because you have a thing for Kai, right?”
Jay smirked.
“No, dumbass. Kai isn’t my type.”
“Can I ask you what your type is?”
Jay rolled his eyes and laid back on his bed. He was relieved that Nya still wanted to talk to him. That she didn’t mind he was gay.
“Yknow... tall, dark, brawny. Kind of stoic but actually a major softy once you get to know him. Strong enough to pick me up.”
Nya peered at him. Jay flushed.
“What? You have a problem with that?”
“No. It’s just there’s someone on our team that’s fits that description pretty well.”
Jay raised a brow.
“What the fuck are you talking abou- OH! No. No no. I don’t - that’s... Cole? I would never! I couldn’t list five good qualities about him if you paid me.”
Nya’s grin stretched across her face.
“Try it.”
“Try what?”
“List at least five things about him. I’ll pay you as much as you want if you do it.”
“I’m not going to do that. Because that’s dumb.”
“I’ll steal your comics if you don’t even try.”
“What? No! Don’t! Okay, fine.” Jay fidgeted in his seat. “Cole is really sweet. Like, super sweet. Probably because of all the cake... and he’s powerful. So fucking strong. Not only physically, but mentally. I have so much respect for him.”
“That’s two Jay.”
“Ugh. Fine. Cole has really nice eyes. All pretty and green. And, Jesus, that man has a killer smile. He gives really good hugs as well. One time I was having a nightmare, so I got up, and Cole must’ve heard me or something, because he followed me to the kitchen. And he just gave me a hug, and let me cry. He’s so supportive. And he’s funny, and kind of smart sometimes, and reliable and god, Nya, his hair is gorgeous and, uh...”
“And?”
Jay furrowed his brow.
“Do I have a fucking crush on Cole?”
Nys smiles wryly at him.
“Sounds like it. You should talk to him.”
“No, no, no. Nya. I’m not ready for other people to know I’m gay. Please don’t tell anyone. And don’t mention this to anyone. Please.”
Nya pats his arm.
“Of course man. But, uh, I’m gonna need a while to process everything. And all this. Like, dude, I wanna be friends, but let me get over you first.”
“Oh, no, yeah totally. I’m sorry. In another life maybe we could’ve been together. I’ll give you your space.”
Nya smiled once more before leaving Jay’s room.
2.
Ever since anyway had mentioned that Cole fit his type, Jay couldn’t stop thinking about it. And because he couldn’t stop thinking about it, of course he had to hyperfocus on everything Cole did.
Everything. From the curve of his biceps when he stretched to the delicate intricacies of his smiles, his beams. And those large, brawny hands. He could kill someone with his palm if he wanted to, Jay was sure of it.
All this dwelling was not doing very well in Jay’s attempt to prove he wasn’t attracted to Cole. If anything, it was amplifying any and all. If Nya had just not mentioned it, he would be fine.
Jay’s eyes followed Cole’s back as he left the room, immediately relaxing at his exit. What he hadn’t noticed was Lloyd looking at him.
“Hey, Jay? Are you and Cole alright? You’re all tense whenever he’s around.”
“What? No, Lloyd, we’re fine. I’m fine. I dunno man, maybe it’s just a weird thing thats going on. It’ll probably go away soon.”
At least he hoped so.
Lloyd shrugged at him.
“Maybe I’m reading too much into shit. But, uh, now that we’re alone... what’s happened between you and Nya? She said you broke it off, because ‘there’s someone else?’ Dude, really? As long as I’ve known you you’ve been like... into her.”
“I just realised Nya wasn’t my type and I didn’t wanna lead her on or anything. I just felt like a relationship was something I had to do.”
Lloyd hummed.
“Who’s the other girl?”
“Uhh.”
“C’mon, we’re bros!”
“Just... this person. That I know.”
“Pfft. We know her? What’s she like?”
“Yeah. You know. And, uh, just fits my type, I guess. As well as having a gorgeous smile. And eyes to die for. And he’s so fucking funny too, and-”
“Wait... he?”
Fuck. He’d just accidentally outed himself hasn’t he.
“Mm. You and Nya are the only ones that know. And I wanna keep it that way.”
“Lloyd and Nya are the only ones that know what?” Kai and Zane had chosen just the best time to come. Fucking hell.
“Uh... it’s-”
“You know, Jay, keeping secrets from teammates statistically eliminates higher possibilities of working well together?” This was Zane’s thinly veiled code for “give us the fucking tea.”
“Who’s keeping secrets?”
Great. Cole was here now. Eyes fucking glinting, unable to wait for a secret revealed. Fuck.
“Guys, I really don’t want to do this.”
Lloyd turned to him.
“It’s alright man. We support you.”
Jay winced and sucked air through his teeth.
“I’m gay.”
Various short outbursts but otherwise supportive responses.
“Does Nya know?”
“Dude, they broke up ages ago.”
Jay didn’t miss Cole’s eyes lighting up. Ah. Maybe he had a thing for Nya. Whatever. Jay doesn’t want to date him. He doesn’t.
The wrench in Jay’s heart at the thought of Nya and Cole begged to disagree.
3.
Right. Okay. Jay was gay. And Jay was gay for Cole. That much had become obvious to him these past weeks. Cole was handsome, and ever since he’d come out, Cole seemed to be deadset on working out around Jay.
Was this deliberately to annoy him? Did Cole fucking know?
A teeny bit inside of Jay hoped it meant there was a tiny chance that Cole was interested in him. And working out shirtless to try and subliminally let him know?
That was a stupid theory. Cole and Nya has been talking more and more lately.
But just in case...
“Hey, Zane? Could, I ask you something?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“What’s the probability of someone being gay?”
“Approximately 1 in 5. But it is a flawed statistic. Jay, if you are wondering whether or not someone is queer, you should ask. Is there, perhaps, someone in particular you have in mind?”
“No. No.”
Zane smiled at him and nodded, although a glint in his eyes told Jay he didn’t believe him.
“Just... what if I asked this guy out, and it went wrong? It’s someone I’m friends with. We’re close. And I don’t want to fuck it up. I didn’t even realise I liked him until a few weeks ago.”
“Everyone has to take chances Jay.”
“I know. I just wanted to the probabilities. See if I could weigh up the likelihood.”
“Feelings are often more reliable than facts.”
“Mm.”
“I don’t think I am the best person to talk to about love advice. I would advise you to talk to Cole though.”
Jay shifted.
“What? Why? What’s Cole got to do with this?”
“I just thought he’d be more familiar with this concept. Unless...”
“Zane, I don’t - that’s - stop it!”
Zane smirked.
“I will keep your secret private Jay. Not to say I won’t do my best to move things along.”
Jay sighed, and left the room quickly.
4.
It seemed Zane’s way of “moving things along” was asking Cole frequently about his lovelife. This resulted in stutters, and blushes with a few glances at Nya.
They were definitely an item. It’s fine. Jay’s fine. As long as they’re both happy.
Zane has kept pushing though. Nya told him to back off a while later.
It was fine. Now Jay just needed to get over Cole.
And he knew just who to talk to.
When Kai had been dumped by Skylor he was out of it for days and weeks. Breaking into tears during training sessions, erupting into bouts of anger. Jay was pretty sure he’d been through all the stages of grief.
“Hey Kai. Can we talk?”
“Sure man. What’s up?”
Kai sat back on his beanbag.
“I need you help. In getting over a crush.”
Kai grinned at him.
“Oh. Who could this possibly be?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just help, please.”
“Well, I can’t just give general advice! That won’t be specific enough to cure your heartache. So, who’s the guy?”
“That’s not your business. Just the advice please.”
“Well, usually I’d say one night stand with a stranger. But something tells me that this is a little more than a crush, isn’t it Jay?”
“No. It’s not.”
“Listen, if someone’s had a haircut and you still like them, that’s more than a crush dude. That’s the law.”
Cole had had a haircut. Just a trim. But Jay had noticed.
“So? Your point?”
“My point is, talk about your feelings with mystery man.”
“Kai. I can’t. There’s no way he’d go for someone like me. I’m pretty sure he had a girlfriend, and I don’t know if he’s into men.”
“Bold of you to call yourself a man, you punkass boy.”
“I don’t know why I came to you of all people for help.”
“Because I’ve got good pussy game.”
“Gross.”
“Seriously though. Walk me through how you feel, and I’ll decide if it’s a crush or not.”
Jay recounted what he’d said to everyone else. All the details that made him adore **this person** and even more.
It took longer than he thought it would.
“Yeah dude. That’s not a crush. That’s a straight up interest.”
Jay was scandalised.
“Uh, no! That’s not true. That’s - yeah it’s probably right. Jesus, Kai, I don’t know what to do.”
Kai shot him a grin.
“It’ll work out.”
“Yeah. Maybe.”
“Nah man. It will.”
5.
It was getting distressing now. Jay was actively avoiding Cole. And everyone had noticed. Including the man himself, who’d looked a bit hurt, but didn’t say anything.
Jay couldn’t say he was expecting to be greeted with his teammates - sans Cole - when he crept down the stairs early in the morning.
“Hey buddy.”
“Kai, you are never awake early, what’s going on?”
“Nothing! We just decided to all get up and eat together.”
Jay didn’t mention Cole’s absence.
Nya looked him up and down.
“I feel like you need to go somewhere. To meet someone.”
Jay had had enough.
“Guys. Can you stop it? I’ve accepted the fact that nothing is going to happen between me and Cole. Jesus Nya, the man likes you. It’s obvious. And I’m okay with that. I’m going to get over him, I just need to try. Alright? Just because I would love the chance to go on a date with him, it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You all need to calm down.”
There was a lull of quiet.
“Cole likes me?” Nya mumbled.
Zane tapped his foot a few times, juggling his leg.
“I think this outburst means Jay should get some fresh air.”
“Fine. I get the message. I’m going. But nothing will happen. I’m sure of it.”
+1
Cole was leaning against an oak tree. Staring at a boxing bag.
Jay cleared his throat.
“Hey. The guys have sent me to see you.”
Cole spun round, a blush creeping over his face.
“Oh! Sorry, I was in my own head. I didn’t see you coming.”
Jay noticed Cole’s fingers were fiddling with anything they could find. Huh.
“Is this about Nya? Because dude, you don’t need to ask. I don’t own her or anything. You’d make a good couple.”
The words stung Jay’s throat.
Cole’s brow furrowed.
“What? Nya? But - that’s - you want me to go out with Nya?”
“I don’t want you to go out with her. I’m just saying you don’t need my permission to.”
“You... don’t want me dating Nya.”
“Well - I - That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t - Jay, I’m not interested in Nya.”
Right, well, either Cole was lying, or Jay was shit at reading people. Maybe both.
“Huh? But you’re always talking and blushing around her.”
“Yeah. That’s because we’re talking about my love life. Well, lack of. For now, maybe, and that’s why I want to talk to you. Kind of.”
Jay was trying very hard not roc get too hopeful.
“Oh yeah?”
“Well,” Cole shifted, ”you’ve been avoiding me lately. And Nya, she said it was because you know I like you. And I just - I’m sorry if that’s made you uncomfortable. I know it’s stupid, but I thought for a bit that maybe you might like me back and everyone kept telling me to talk to you, and I know it’s ridiculous that someone like you would like someone like me, but-!”
Jay had just done something super risky. He may have entirely misconstrued this conversation, and his brain was working over time to try and figure shit out, so he acted on impulse. He was kissing Cole.
It was gentle. Tentative. Scary.
Jay entwined his fingers in Cole’s hair as Cole’s hands drifted to Jay’s hips.
They pulled apart softly.
“Huh.” Cole muttered. “Was that an ‘I like you too’ or ‘shut up’ kinda kiss?”
Jay couldn’t make words. He was trying, his mouth opening and closing, but nothing was coming out.
“Jay?”
“Wow.” Was what he eventually managed. Quickly followed by “I’ve wanted this for so fucking long.”
Cole beamed at him. And Jay was finally allowed to openly admire that smile, those eyes, his hands, his hair, his body, just... all of him.
Cole pulled him in for kiss number two, Jay more than happily complying.
Things were all clicking together. And of course, Jay could confidently name far more than five wonderful things about Cole. Even without the promise of payment.