Work Text:
“So, damage control, you’re going to have to fill out the most uncomfortable HR reports of all time.”
Alec decides that it’s too goddamn early for this. Before he could even get to his desk, Simon had appeared and dragged him to the conference room while babbling about an incidence in a closet and it hadn’t all made sense until their boss explained it as bluntly as anyone could.
“You’re telling me,” Jace says to Magnus again, still clearly having trouble wrapping his mind around the whole thing, “that these two wanted to fuck at work and their first thought was to do it in the supply closet?”
“Well we’ll never know for sure what their first choice was.” Magnus shrugs. “It could’ve been my office, but Simon was still in there. Maybe they had to settle.”
“So who was it?” Jace prods, leaning forward in his seat. Alec’s glad that his brother asked, because he definitely wants to know but he wasn’t going to ask. And Lydia, who sits on Alec’s left, definitely disapproves of the whole situation. Simon, being the closest to Magnus in the whole office, probably already knows. By the smirk on his face, he definitely knows.
“I am not at the liberty to say.” Magnus says carefully, a barely concealed smile on his face.
“Simon,” Jace shifts his attention to the assistant, “come on, buddy. Who was it?”
Simon shares a brief look with Magnus, who’s having a great time with the entire exchange. “I don’t know, Jace.”
“Yes you do!” Jace scoffs. “Tell me or I’m quitting.”
Lydia clears her throat, and the mood immediately sobers. Magnus is a great boss and there’s no lack of authority on his part whatsoever, but Lydia sometimes is a bit more intimidating. Alec constantly has to remind himself that Lydia is at the same level as he and Jace.
“How do we rectify the situation?” She asks Magnus.
“Well, as the faithful HR department, you all are going to have to fill out a million incidence reports. You’re going to have to get testimonies from anyone who spoke to the uh, offenders. And one lucky contestant will be going to corporate to explain the situation to the general manager!”
A collective groan is emitted by the three HR employees. Alec really really really hopes that he’s not the one who has to be sent to corporate. It’s a long drive, everyone in corporate is stuck-up and obnoxious, and Alec doesn’t know how to delicately explain that two of their employees fucked in a supply closet.
“And that person is…” Magnus looks at Simon, who takes a suspenseful pause.
“Jace!” Simon announces cheerfully.
“Oh, what the hell!” Jace whines, throwing his arms up. “No fair! Aldertree hates me ever since the Christmas party incident! Simon, come on, change it.”
“I’m flattered that you think I have that much authority, Jace.” Simon says with a sweet smile in Jace’s direction. There’s a movement under the table and Simon looks at his boss with an indignant expression. “He kicked me!”
“Alright, boys, let’s settle down.” Magnus puts a placating hand on Simon’s shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry Jace. I always send Lydia, and I’m afraid they’re going to start to think she’s the only capable one out of all of you. And I’d prefer if Alec led the investigation here.”
“Why?” Alec asks, looking up from where he’d been fiddling with the ring on his index finger. Magnus shrugs.
“You’ve been stepping into a leadership role here.” He says. “Taking control of this situation will give you a bit more experience.”
“Why don’t I get a leadership role?” Jace pouts, quite literally draping himself over the conference table. Alec tries not to glow with pride, but it’s hard. To think that Magnus respects him enough to give him the job makes Alec realize how starved he’s been for validation in his job.
It’s not like Magnus doesn’t show his appreciation. Whenever Alec turns in customer service reports, Magnus always gives him a blinding smile and some sort of encouraging remark. Sometimes he winks, which always makes Alec quietly overthink in his cubicle.
But he doesn’t ever get recognition. He doesn’t get the little speeches that Magnus sometimes makes when an employee will achieve something. He doesn’t get Simon relaying information about Magnus’ pride in his work like Lydia does.
Alec just wants to feel like he’s doing something. He’d left college without a clue of what he wanted to achieve in life and took a job with Jace at Mode, a fashion brand that Isabelle had fawned over when she’d heard that both of her brothers had gotten the job. Alec doesn’t know if he wants to be in fashion, because he’s in HR and really all he deals with is customer service, but he likes his job. He likes the people.
“Because Aldertree doesn’t trust you.” Simon says with a smug grin, and Magnus nods along.
“Unfortunately, Jace, after the Christmas party Aldertree tends to nitpick projects that you’re involved in.” Magnus explains calmly. “But that won’t last forever. Soon enough someone else will get drunk and do something stupid and your mishap will be forgotten.”
“But not by us.” Simon chimes in.
“Shouldn’t you be getting Magnus’ lunch?” Jace asks Simon with a withering glare. Magnus looks slightly offended.
“You don’t get to tell Simon to get my lunch.” He looks at his assistant with a small smile. “But can you?”
“Quizno’s?” Simon asks, standing when Magnus nods. He collects his stuff and leaves, sticking his tongue out at Jace on his way out. Lydia does that thing where she makes a show of checking her watch, making it clear that she’s ready to leave. Magnus picks up on this.
“You’re all dismissed. Oh, and Alec? Come by my office to pick up the forms, okay?”
Alec is excited. The day will be spent doing something other than just answering calls and listening to people complain. His name will be on the report that’s sent to corporate. And if it goes well, he could keep getting positions like this. Keep spending time with Magnus.
He hurries to the break room to get coffee, because if he’s going to tackle a project he needs to be fully awake. There’s a lot of gossip going on about the interns, and Alec tunes in because technically this is part of his task. And because he’d already left work when it happened and he wants a full story.
“I heard noise from the closet,” Maia is saying as she picks through her salad, “but I didn’t really think about it. Anyways, they walked out like twenty minutes later. Hair all messed up. His tie wasn’t on. I went to tell Magnus and he laughed for like ten minutes and then called corporate.”
“So they’ll be fired, I guess.” Clary says glumly. “It’s too bad. I really like having interns. They’re like little Simons for everyone.”
“Alec,” Maia pulls him into the conversation and he looks over, a bit disappointed that he has still not perfected the ability to eavesdrop without being noticed, “did Magnus give you the investigation job?”
“Yeah, actually.” Alec does his best to contain his enthusiasm.
“I figured.” Maia nods. “He likes you.”
“He does?”
Maia and Clary share a look, both of them grinning like they’ve been let in on secrets that Alec doesn’t know. He’s confused. He knows that Magnus doesn’t truly dislike anyone in the office, but he never really thought that Magnus especially has a soft spot for him. Not like he does for Clary or Simon.
“Go spend some time around him.” Clary says with another conspiratorial glance at Maia. “You’ll see what we mean.”
So Alec reports to Magnus’ office, where he’s already enjoying his lunch while Simon sits at his desk and argues with someone on the phone. Magnus holds up a hand to keep Alec silent, clearly listening to Simon’s conversation.
“But sir, Mr. Wayland is more than capable. He’s been employed for two years and he’s never--sorry? Well yes, I remember the Christmas party, sir, but--” He takes a pause, listening to the other line with a strained look on his face. “Sir, Mr. Bane is already tied up with collecting the incidence reports and handling the interns. And--no, sir, I couldn’t possibly--”
Simon recoils from the phone and the sound of the dial tone is audible. He slams the phone back on the cradle with a look of horror on his face.
“So uh,” Magnus says carefully around a bite of his sandwich, “what did Aldertree want?”
“He’s saying I have to go to corporate, too!” Simon exclaims, eyes still wide. “Because someone higher up has to be accountable or whatever but fuck, Magnus, I’m just your assistant! You know where I was last night while the interns were fucking? I was editing your schedule! Because that’s all I do, I manage your schedule and answer your calls and sort your emails and book your appointments and--”
“Simon, you’re going to be listing things for a while.” Magnus interrupts. “What’s your point?”
“I’m not important enough to talk to corporate.” Simon sighs.
“Hey, shut up.” Magnus admonishes, putting his sandwich down. “You’re extremely important. Without you, nothing would ever get done. Right, Alec?”
Alec nods, because it’s true. Simon is the grease that makes the cogs move. Often Alec wonders what they would do without Simon, because he’s constantly zipping around the office to take up reports and schedule meetings and dissolve conflicts. He organizes birthday parties for everyone and keeps track of special events in people’s lives. He comes in early and works late, he always anticipates Magnus’ needs and is always ten steps ahead. It’s actually kind of scary, seeing Simon and Magnus work together, because they have the uncanny ability to communicate without opening their mouths.
“Seriously, Simon. We’d all die without you.” Alec says sincerely.
“I’m sure they just want you to go and make sure everything goes smoothly.” Magnus continues. “And hey, you’ll get some quality time with Jace.”
Simon is quiet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temples. “Fine.”
Jace enters, a resigned look on his face. He has his briefcase in his hand and he’s clearly made an effort to spruce himself up a bit more. He looks at Magnus with a pitifully defeated expression. “I guess I should be leaving.”
“Good news!” Magnus says with a wide smile. “Simon will be accompanying you!”
Alec almost expects Jace to be upset about this, but instead he noticeably brightens. He’s probably glad that Simon will have to suffer alongside him. “Aw. It’ll be like our first date, baby.”
Simon opens his eyes. “I’d stand you up if my job weren’t on the line.”
Simon leaves Magnus with a million instructions and makes Magnus promise to call him if there’s any problems before leaving with Jace, the both of them tripping over themselves to dole out snark and banter. Magnus shakes his head in wonderment.
“I will never understand their relationship.” He remarks, mystified. “Do they hate each other?”
“They want to kill each other, but they know they’d miss each other if they were dead.” Alec says, repeating the explanation that he’d heard Clary use once. “And I think Jace thinks Simon is a vampire.”
“Because he doesn’t ever sleep?” Magnus guesses. “Sometimes I think that too.”
“So uh, I just need to interview everyone, right? And then write it up and send it off to corporate?” Alec asks.
“Uh-huh.” Magnus rifles around his desk, looking lost as his hands float over several stacks of papers and documents. “God, Simon’s been gone for two minutes and I can’t find anything. Oh! Here they are.”
Alec moves forward to take the stack and gives them a cursory glance. “Uh, so. When I write this report, should I word the situation delicately? Because I don’t really know how to, um, professionally tell my higher-ups that two interns went at it. In the closet.”
Magnus laughs, which makes Alec appreciate that his boss is someone who can realize the ridiculousness of the situation and make fun of it. He feels a pang of sympathy for Jace and Simon, who will have to explain this to angry older men in gray suits.
“Hmmm.” Magnus taps at his chin with a pen and closes his eyes. “I mean, be professional. But don’t make it any more awkward than it needs to be. Don’t use to word fornicate or something like that. Because, you know, ew.”
“Right.” Alec nods like he understands completely how to go about it. “Okay, well, I’ll start.”
“Thank you for doing this, Alec.” Magnus says sincerely. “I know it’s kind of uncomfortable.”
Alec doesn’t know what to say, so his brain shuts down and his mouth decides to improv. “It’s uh, it’s natural. You know. Human nature.”
Magnus raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t peg you for someone who’d approve of work closet sex.”
“Uh, I meant like--”
“Good to know.” Magnus says. And then he winks. And Alec says something, he isn’t sure what, and stumbles out to begin his job.
He has to ask Raj to repeat his testimony four times, because his mind won’t cooperate. He can’t stop thinking about what Maia and Clary had said to him in the break room and he’s not sure if he’s over-analyzing or if Magnus was just joking or maybe he does that to everyone? But it seemed like flirting and if it was--
“Alec.” Raj waves a hand in front of his face. “Jesus, dude, stop zoning out.”
“Sorry, sorry.” He clears his throat. “Uh, sorry. Did you at any time feel as though this situation was making your workplace experience unsafe?”
Raj wrinkled his nose. “Is that what the form says?”
“Yeah,” Alec scans the paper again. “Incidence reports are usually for more serious things like a drug bust or something. This isn’t really what they’re meant for.”
“Yeah. I felt unsafe. I felt like at any moment, someone was going to hold a gun to my head and tell me to forget what I saw.”
“Is that really what you want me to write down?” Alec deadpans. “On this important form that corporate will see?”
Raj is unphased. “Yes.”
The day continues like this. Alec has to ask ridiculous questions that don’t even apply to the situation and then try to carefully craft everyone’s joking words into professional responses.
When he finishes, Alec collapses in his desk chair and types up the weirdest, most carefully worded report of his entire career. He reads over it a million times before finally sharing it with Magnus and heading to his office.
“Nice.” Magnus comments, scrolling through the report and skimming it for content. Alec is standing right beside him, behind the desk, and for some reason his heart rate is through the roof. He doesn’t know why, because he knows the quality of his work is good. So why is he so damn nervous?
“Thank you.”
“Alright, I will send this to Aldertree.” Magnus says, typing the corporate account into the share box. He pauses suddenly. “Oh, wait, it doesn’t have a title.”
“Oh, uh, just call it ‘incident report’ and then add the date. That’s how...I...always do it…” Alec trails off as he watches Magnus type in ‘THE SEX FILES’ and press enter.
“God, I should lose my job.” Magnus shakes his head and laughs, and Alec laughs too because it’s funny and he doesn’t feel like he’s at work, he feels like he’s just with a friend and they’re having a good time because that’s the effect that Magnus has on people and on Alec specifically and--
“Holy shit.” Magnus breathes in. He’s close enough that Alec can feel him go rigid. “I hit send.”
“No.”
“I did, Alec.”
“No no no.” Alec takes control of the mouse and scrolls to the top, where the blue checkmark confirms that the document named ‘THE SEX FILES’ has been shared with the corporate account. “Oh my God. Oh my--”
“I’m so sorry, Alec, I’ll tell them everything. I’ll tell them it wasn’t you, it was me, it was just a stupid joke. Holy shit, there has to be a way to change it.”
“How do we change it?”
“If we edit it, will it edit on the one they see?”
“I don’t know!” Alec exclaims, thinking back. Magnus has opened another tab and is frantically Googling the question, his eyes scanning over the screen.
“‘If the document is changed before the receiving party views it, they will not see the original content.’” Magnus reads aloud, and Alec once again seizes the mouse to click back to the document.
He types like his life depends on it, quickly writing in ‘INCIDENCE REPORT - JANUARY 6’ and hitting enter. He holds his breath, both of them waiting in silence. And then a little ping noise is heard and up pops a note that says ‘READ AT 4:18’.
They both exhale a sigh of relief, and then Magnus is turning in his chair and hugging Alec. Alec hugs him back and tries to ignore his rapidly pumping heart, figuring it has to do with the stress of the situation.
“I could kiss you,” Magnus breathes, “you just saved my job.”
“All I did was type in a new title.” Alec laughs, sounding a little breathless himself.
“Faster than I thought was humanly possible!” Magnus exclaims. “Your hands like, went invisible, I swear to God. Thank you thank you thank you.”
Alec is about to respond when Magnus’ phone rings, and it’s Simon so it takes precedence. Magnus presses the speaker button and the room is filled with Simon’s voice, which sounds much happier than Alec would’ve thought.
“Hey,” Simon greets. “We’re on our way back. It went well. I mean, Aldertree tried to discredit Jace but I took care of that.”
“Oh?” Magnus shares a look with Alec.
“Uh, yeah. So anyways, I’ll be back soon. Was everything okay while I was gone? No disasters?”
“Uhh, no. No disasters.” Magnus manages to say while he nudges Alec and Alec nudges him back. “Lots of paperwork piling up, though, and you’ve missed like 80 calls. I let them go to voicemail.”
Simon groans. “Thanks so much. Oh, and they said that they were impressed with how much Alec wrote on his report. So I guess you were right about him. Now you have to take him to dinner, like you said you would.”
Alec’s heart stops. Magnus seems to freeze for just a moment before swiftly responding, his voice steady.
“Yup. Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”
He hangs up before Simon can even respond. He turns to Alec with a serene smile, no acknowledgement of the previous admission anywhere on his face. “Well, you’ve worked hard today. You can take off early if you want.”
“Why did you say you were going to take me to dinner?” Alec asks, surprised by his own boldness. He needs to know. Obviously Simon didn’t know that he was there so obviously that was something he wasn’t supposed to hear.
“It was a joke, darling. I say it about lots of people.” Magnus waves a hand dismissively. “Seriously, take the rest of the day off. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
Alec feels a little disappointed as he crosses to the front of the desk. Magnus is back to working, his head down. Without lingering another second, Alec heads toward the door.
“Alec?” Magnus calls. Alec turns to face him. “You did a really good job today. I’m proud of you.”
Something about the way Magnus looks, sitting in his desk with the view of the city backdropped behind him and a small smile playing at his lips, makes Alec feel a flurry of confusing emotions. He realizes that maybe all the need for approval from Magnus isn’t necessarily about his work performance. Maybe it’s because he just wants to be around Magnus because Magnus is fun and easy to talk to. And he respects Magnus.
And maybe he likes Magnus as more than just his boss.
“Thank you.” He says. He walks out and hurries to his desk to collect his things. He briefly looks back into Magnus’ office, where he’s working with a calm smile still on his face.
Alec is so screwed.