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guess i’ll curl up on the couch by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Death Becomes Her - Mattison & Carey/Pennette
07 Jul 2026
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“When you think about it, Apollo,” the Madeline on their TV says sagely, “That crazy blue marble of ours isn’t so different from your beloved tennis ball.”
The Madeline that’s sitting on the floor, leaning back against Helen’s calves, makes a sound like a beached whale. “I told them to cut the tennis ball speech,” she mutters, playing with the hem of Helen’s dress. “But did they listen? Does anyone listen when a beautiful blonde woman speaks her mind?”
“Like Christ on the cross, you poor thing,” Helen says, warming a lump of clay between her fingers. “Stop squirming.”
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Madeline and Helen watch Dogstronaut together.
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Sometimes I ask for ficlet prompts on Tumblr when I don't feel up to a Whole Fic. And this is where they go!
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Now that Rio’s taking a closer look, Agatha’s eyes are more than a little red. Around the electric blue irises, someone else’s energy swirls like smoke. It’s behind her eyes, too; Rio can sense it, a nervous system of foreign power squatting in Agatha’s body. Puppeting her.
“Agnes,” Rio says slowly, hiding her giggle fit with a strategic cough. “You’re Agnes O’Connor, aren’t you.”
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” Stooping to gather her fallen cookies, Agatha’s blush deepens. “Although – I suppose if you wanted to wear it out – ”
“I’ve heard you’re a real character,” Rio says, working to hide her glee as she bends down to help. Not a bit at all, then! The spider went and got herself tangled in someone else’s web! “Is that true, Agnes? Are you the naughty neighbor ‘round these parts?”
“My, you’re fresh!” When Agatha reaches for a far-flung cookie, Rio makes sure their hands touch. “You new in town, hun? I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.”
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Post-WandaVision, Wanda decides to stay put in her sitcom fantasy. It's up to Rio to break Agatha out of "Agnes" jail.
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just you and me (both damned to be) by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), Death Becomes Her - Mattison & Carey/Pennette
29 Dec 2025
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If you watched Agatha Harkness step out of her sleek purple Cadillac with an iced coffee in one hand and a speckled rabbit in the other, you might find yourself wondering if those crazy old rumors were true.
You know the ones. The half-jokey conspiracy theories that dominated BroadwayWorld’s messageboards back in the day, claiming that Ms. Harkness was some kind of ancient witch. What other explanation could there be for a performer who, despite her strikingly distinctive looks, can chameleon herself so effortlessly in period pieces ranging from the colonial past to a superhero-ridden future? What else could account for the two-time Tony nominee’s relentless work ethic, hopping from show to show without a sick day or a stress pimple in sight?
(Speaking of that famously perfect skin…well. We’ll get to that!)
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An agathario Death Becomes Her AU.
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but that was then by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Death Becomes Her - Mattison & Carey/Pennette
04 Nov 2025
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“ – and I don’t mean ‘cute’ like what you say when you meet somebody’s fifteen-year-old family Shih Tzu, you know?” Madeline says airily, flopping over the side of her dorm room’s full grain leather couch. (During move-in week, her mother had screamed three separate RAs into submission over her right to fill the space with non-standard-issue furniture, which had certainly helped Madeline feel right at home.) “It’s not like – 'Oh, is this little Fluffy? How adorable! I love how crusty his eyes are!'”
“So he’s better than a crusty white dog,” Helen says, pressing a glass of water into Madeline’s hands. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said about one of my beaus.”
Madeline waves the water away, rubbing her temples. “Beaus. Must you speak like a medieval librarian?”
In peak librarian form, Helen pushes her glasses up her nose. “Aye, milady, I must.”
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After a night out, college-age Madeline and Helen discuss Hel's latest crush.
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i would burn the world to bring some heat to you by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
09 Aug 2025
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“What kind of trials?” the boy asks. “Like, for each skill? Potions, and Protection, and – ”
“Sort of,” Rio says before Agatha can open her mouth. “They’re specialized to fit each element of the coven, for sure. But it’s really the leader who’s being tested.”
Oh, Agatha’s steaming. Rio flashes a smile that shows off her back molars.
“Our posse’s Ringo is mistaken,” Agatha says, setting her jaw. “When our time comes, each of us will, in turn, need to take charge of – ”
“Nope,” Rio says, shaking her head. “Don’t you remember, sweetheart? Are you going senile in your old age? It’s exactly what the Ballad says: 'Follow me, my friend, to glory at the end.' Whoever assembles the coven needs to do all the dirty work. Everyone else can help out, but Agatha’s the one with her neck on the line.” Rio solemnly faces the boy, who’s listening raptly. “If Agatha doesn’t complete every single painful, grueling, humiliating trial herself, we’re all doomed.”
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Joining the coven from the very beginning, Rio quickly figures out that feeding lies to the nameless teenager affects the reality of the Road. (Not great news for Agatha.)
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“What if you had a choice right now?” Billy asks.
“Depends. How many irritating questions are you forcing me to answer, in this hypothetical situation?”
“I’m serious,” Billy says, and he looks serious. There’s a strange gleam in his eye. A very 'Take me to the Witches’ Road' sort of gleam. “Would you hop back in your body right now, if you could?”
Agatha sits up. “Depends,” she says again. “Are we still talking hypotheticals?”
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After the events of 'real hot ghoul shit,' Billy attempts to use his Chaos magic to get Agatha back in her body. It doesn't exactly go as planned.
Series
- Part 3 of post-canon ghoulniverse
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i'm so depressed i act like it's my birthday by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
24 Jan 2025
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“Oh my god,” Billy says, covering his mouth with his hands. “Rio – you’ve never had a birthday party.”
“Yeah,” Rio says, assessing him with genuine concern. “I wasn’t…born. You feeling okay? Do we need a refresher on my whole deal? I can do a PowerPoint, but fair warning, it’s probably just gonna be a bunch of stock images of skeletons.”
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With Agatha's support, Billy attempts to throw Rio her very first birthday party.
Series
- Part 2 of post-canon ghoulniverse
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Slamming her car door behind her, Jen storms up to the white folding table laden with cookie boxes, glaring daggers at the familiar face that’s thumbing through a series of sign-up sheets.
“Well, hey there, stranger!” Agatha says, baring all thirty-two teeth in a blinding smile. “Welcome to Westview! What can I get’cha? Thin Mints? Peanut Butter Patties?”
Jen grabs the collar of Agatha’s oddly frilly shirt, yanking her forward. “What the hell are you up to, Harkness?” she hisses, inadvertently sending cookie boxes stumbling off the side of the table.
“Whoa! Buy a girl a drink first!” Agatha clutches at Jen’s hands, laughing nervously. “Oh – oh, I see what’s going on. It’s all there in those pretty brown eyes of yours. You’re hangry, hun. I get the same way if I forget to have my little midday treat. You wanna try a free sample? I know we’ve got an open box of Caramel deLites around here somewhere. I’m a nibbler.”
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After stumbling across Agatha-as-Agnes in Westview, Jen makes it her mission to break her annoying ex out of whatever weird spell she's under.
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“Fate etched your demise in the fabric of eternity itself,” Rio says, sweeping her arms open; spiders skitter from the dark creases of her cloak. “It was written eons before your birth. Now – the time has come to – ”
“The end is nigh, sinner!” says a familiar voice behind her. “It is I, Lady Death! Ooga booga!”
If Rio had eyes right now, they’d be twitching. Slowly, she turns to take in the unwelcome (if increasingly-frequent) sight: Agatha, holding a Ghostface Halloween mask over her ghostly face. Draped over her head in a paltry imitation of Rio’s cloak is a sequined black shawl – Billy’s, Rio guesses. She knows that the kid’s been trying his hand at drag recently.
“Oh, this is so embarrassing,” Agatha says, flicking a finger in Rio’s direction. “One of us is gonna have to change.”
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Just when a ghostly Agatha decides she's ready to give into Rio's centuries-long pursuit, Rio swears that she's finally done with the pursuing.
Series
- Part 1 of post-canon ghoulniverse
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Agatha toys with the bottom of Jen’s shirt, giving her a look that makes it exceedingly hard for Jen to stay stone-faced. (She manages it, though: not a single facial muscle betrays what Agatha does to her.) “You called me, Jen. I’m here on your marching orders.”
“You’re here,” Jen says, running a nail up Agatha’s forearm, “because you want to be. But if you’d rather go spend the night with your power, be my guest.”
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Agatha and Jen's situationship in the decades before the Road.
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one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright) by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
03 Nov 2024
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For the only entity present from the Big Bang’s explosive start to the heat death of the multiverse, what use is memory? What good is nostalgia, letting a few precious recollections rise above the endless others, for a being who’s experienced every moment in the tender and bloody tapestry of history?
Rio doesn’t know. (There are mysteries that evade even Death’s understanding, after all.) All she knows is that, try as she might to let time bury them, five memories perpetually swirl in the ether of her non-brain: five existence-altering moments of kissing her beloved witch-killer.
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The first thing that Wanda sees after shuddering awake: the Grim Reaper, tossing a tarantula in the air like a baseball.
“Hey, bitch,” the Grim Reaper says, catching the tarantula by one of its hairy legs. “Sorry – witch.”
Wanda blinks. Her eyes won’t focus; there’s nothing to focus on. Apart from the Grim Reaper – skeletal and shrouded in a black hood – the world around her is a vast expanse of nothingness.
“You sure went out with a bang, hm?” the Grim Reaper says. “What do the kids say these days? ‘Big dick energy’?”
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After Wanda's death, Rio asks her for a vital bit of intel: Agatha Harkness's current location.
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“Happy Pride!” says a man holding a clipboard, smiling at Agatha from a corporate tent set up on the sidewalk. He holds out a pair of cheap sunglasses wrapped in plastic; "CitiBank Supports Love" is scrawled across the top of the frames in an ugly serif font. “Would you like to sign up for a chance to win a spot on CitiBank’s Be-You Cruise for Two? Maybe invite the special lady in your life?”
“Oh, I’m a God-fearing Christian woman, sir,” Agatha says, slipping into her best Southern drawl. “I was just on my way to the M&M store in Times Square and got awful lost. Those drag queens sure are funny, though. If they wanna damn themselves to an eternity of hellfire, lord knows they’ll look fabulous doing it, am I right? Slay!”
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Agatha attends her first Pride.
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One of mortals’ many follies that Rio reflects on whenever she needs a good laugh: the idea that love, as the oft-quoted verse goes, is either patient or kind.
Death, however.
Death is another story.
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she kindly stopped for me by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), WandaVision (TV)
27 Sep 2024
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“Gee whiz, Agnes,” Wanda sighs, touching Agatha’s shoulder sympathetically. “That’s heartbreaking. Have you never had a relationship that was anything more than just tolerable? Not even in your youth?”
Agatha can feel her smile falter. She hitches it back up, her face aching from the effort.
“Well,” she says, patting Wanda’s hand. “Considering my youth was somewhere back in the prehistoric age, my choices were either the caveman or the wooly mammoth. Both of which would’ve had better table manners than Ralph, I bet.”
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Throughout the events of WandaVision, Agatha thinks about Rio.
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“Vidal,” Agnes says, twirling her stake between her fingers. Her voice carries over the empty cemetery, disturbing the chorus of crickets. “Don’t tell me you’re visiting your own grave. That’s just sad.”
Vidal grins. Her pointed teeth catch the moonlight. “Oh, please,” she says, brushing a bit of dirt from the name carved into the gravestone. “I wouldn’t be caught dead dying in this town. I’m just checking up on one of the locals.”
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Before guest-starring as Agent Vidal in Agatha's cop drama, Rio plays along for a few of Agatha's other TV-inspired delusions.
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Lae’zel is seven and a half hours into her shift when the customer’s voice thunders through her headset: “GOOD MORROW, SERVICE WORKER. I HAVE FOR YOU A REQUEST IN NEED OF SWIFT FULFILLMENT.”
Briefly muting her mic, Lae’zel unleashes a torrent of language foul enough to raise the hackles of a red dragon. (Luckily, none of her coworkers speak a lick of gith.) “Lower your volume,” she commands. “...Please,” she adds grudgingly. Her manager’s already written her up twice for ‘inappropriately combative behavior.’
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Modern AU. Lae'zel and Shadowheart, employees at Fantasy McDonald's, contend with an aggravating customer: Dame Aylin.
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put her canine teeth in the side of my neck by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
22 Apr 2024
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“Hey!” shouts an unfamiliar voice. “What do you think you’re doing?”
Maintaining her grip on the wriggling German Shepherd, Lae’zel looks up. A woman’s stalking over from the benches, arms tightly crossed over a deeply un-dog-park-like goth getup.
“Thwarting an unsportsmanlike assault,” Lae’zel says. “The dirty one baselessly attacked – ”
“Yes, she’s playing,” the woman says. “How dare she. Can you let go of my dog?”
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Meeting at a dog park, Lae'zel and Shadowheart's dogs are instant pals. (Lae'zel and Shadowheart, not so much.)
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walking on moonbeams / staring out to sea by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
10 Apr 2024
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“You don’t want me?” Shadowheart asks innocently, playing with the hem of Aylin’s shirt. “Your eyes say otherwise. They follow me around camp like lapdogs.”
Those eyes harden to stone. “I trust you remember my beloved, who sleeps within earshot of your brazen words.”
“For fuck’s sake, what’s one dead cleric from another?” It’s been a lifetime of slow, sexless minutes since Shadowheart finished her wine. Her thoughts have begun to rouse from their stupor, which she can’t abide. “Fine. Invite the raccoon if you wish. She’s pretty enough, under the charcoal.”
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After turning from Shar, Shadowheart looks for a distraction from her existential dread.