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  1. Public Bookmark 19

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    Shane Hollander did not have an eating disorder. . Shane was an adult man, a millionaire, a high level athlete. And Shane did eat. He was just particular. That’s what he told himself.

    Musings on the interaction between Shane's autism, perfectionism, athletic career and relationship.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,353
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    28 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 52

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    Any normal person would think he was insane for being on the brink of tears while brushing his teeth or taking a shower and just thinking about that made him feel like the most incompetent person in the world.

    -

    Or, Ilya experiences his first intense depressive episode since him and Shane got married.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,533
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    7
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    473
    Bookmarks:
    52
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    6,780

    23 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 71

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    “I said—” Shane clears his throat and straightens out his shoulders. He’ll probably say yes without thinking and go right back to his game. “What do you think about trying out some role play? You know, like— you’re a housekeeper, I’m a guest.” 

    The cogs in Ilya’s mind visibly appear to clock that the word role play left his husband’s lips— and he starts to laugh.

    Or: 5 times Shane comes up with role play ideas, and 1 time that Ilya has an idea of his own.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,511
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
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    318
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    71
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    23 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 35

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    Ilya didn’t sleep well in the off season. During the season his body was physically tired enough that he could manage to semi-keep a sleep schedule. Games and practices and travel typically do enough to keep his mind from racing, allowing him to sleep fitfully. But in the off season when there is nothing to do but dry land training and swimming in the lake, sleep eludes him.

    AKA I tried to write a soft insomnia fic and it ran away from me and got really sad.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,863
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    5
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    35
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    13 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “I’m sorry to hear that it has been getting worse, Ilya,” Galina said, a line between her brows. “Do you think something has…triggered your depressive feelings to get worse?”

    Ilya had wondered the same, had tried to track down the exact moment his brain had decided to slowly suffocate him to death, but he had no answer. It was like the question of which came first: the chicken or the egg. He didn’t know which came first; his depression or simply his awareness of it.

    He felt as if he had always had it—he just didn’t recognize it for what it was until he became aware of its name through the Irina Foundation’s work.

    “Isn’t it just genetic?” Ilya asked. “The trigger was my birth, I think.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,017
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    46
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    13 Feb 2026