swaggletooth
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Donghyuck is an actor by trade. It's how he makes his money and how he makes Jaemin and Renjun their money and how he’s able to pay for his brother’s Arts degree and the reason why he can't go anywhere without either bodyguards or a disguise. Before all of this, he actually thought he was pretty good at it. Thought he’d mastered packing himself away, folding his arms and legs neatly into a box and slotting it in the space behind his sternum, to pretend to be someone else with different motivations and desires and ideas.
But then Mark appears and suddenly Donghyuck can’t find the box anymore, can’t slip his skin off and tuck himself out of sight before he gives himself away.
That doesn’t stop him from trying.
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Harry and Draco are co-Head Aurors.
They are also co-Head Pains in Each Others’ Asses. And not even in the fun way. (Yet.)
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luck and lies: a tale brought to you by the 2001 motion picture, spy kids by swaggletooth
Fandoms: NCT (Band)
14 Apr 2021
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Donghyuck made the mistake of bringing up that his favourite movie is Spy Kids, and now he’s crouched behind the kitchen island of a frat house kitchen with a ski mask (a beanie with eye holes cut into it) in his back pocket, on a reconnaissance mission to steal back Jaemin’s lucky pair of underwear.
It doesn’t exactly go to plan.
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na jaemin, tinder and mittens the cat: the three horsemen of fate by swaggletooth
Fandoms: NCT (Band)
18 Mar 2021
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He’s waiting for something big, some kind of break in the monotony of shitty pick-up lines and gross come-ons.
He wants butterflies. He wants a meet-cute. Some fate shit to make him feel special. Like the stars have aligned or something.
Instead, he’s got Tinder, and all the time-wasting unfortunateness that comes with that.
(If Donghyuck wants a meet-cute then Donghyuck gets a meet-cute.)
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two psych majors sitting in a tree, P-S-Y-C-H-O-A-N-A-L-Y-S-I-N-G by swaggletooth
Fandoms: NCT (Band)
24 Jan 2021
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“You’re a psychopath,” Donghyuck says, tone quiet but incredulous like he’s made a discovery of some kind.
“I tell you you’re pretty and you call me a psychopath,” Mark sucks his teeth, mouth settling into an exaggerated pout.
Donghyuck can't help the face he pulls.
“Degradation was on your list of kinks to try, wasn’t it?”
(Donghyuck thinks they're friends-with-benefits, but they end up just being friends-in-love.)
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“Then stop coming here,” she said, crossing her arms.
“Believe me, Granger,” he said quietly, “I’ve tried.”
•••
Hermione Granger is a competent, decorated, entirely-put-together healer who absolutely does not have feelings for Draco Malfoy. She has simply noticed, in a purely clinical capacity, that he keeps turning up at her hospital. Repeatedly. With increasingly creative injuries.
Draco Malfoy is a competent, decorated, entirely-put-together Auror who absolutely does not have feelings for Hermione Granger. He has simply run out of reasons to accidentally be in her vicinity and has recently resorted to letters.
Neither of them is handling this well.
Featuring: one medically questionable sandwich, a poisoning with truly baffling toxicology results, four unsent letters, two insufferable Slytherins who consider themselves uninvolved, one ill-timed trip to America, and a years-long slow burn so thoroughly in denial it practically qualifies as a clinical case study.
Hermione leaves before it becomes a problem.
It was already a problem.Bookmarked by swaggletooth
02 Jun 2026
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“I wanted dinner. With someone who wouldn’t— who doesn’t—”
“Talk?” he offered.
She huffed a laugh. “Think. Much. Loudly. In my vicinity.”
A pause, wry and weightless. “I can be remarkably stupid on request.”
•••
Hermione Granger’s latest experiment in the Department of Mysteries goes, technically speaking, catastrophically tits-up. The result? She can suddenly hear everyone’s thoughts. It’s a nightmare.
Except Draco Malfoy’s.
Around him, the world goes silent — blissfully, impossibly silent.
So she clings to him for relief; he pretends he’s not quietly losing his mind over her; the Brains in jars judge them both; and feelings start happening without anyone’s permission.
Magical neuroscience, catastrophic intimacy, and one very besotted Auror who never stood a chance.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 57,590
- Chapters:
- 9/9
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- 400
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- 1,305
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Bookmarked by swaggletooth
01 Jun 2026
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“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
She stood over him, a glorious vision in lime green robes and sentient frizz. Just like always.
“Say the word, and I’ll take you on a date, Granger,” he replied, mustering his trademark smirk despite the pain of two cracked ribs and a burn on his shoulder.
“Malfoy.” Her rebuke was half-hearted as she set to work peeling back his dragonhide armor.
Draco Malfoy had few regrets in life—other than the years he’d spent being a bully and a prat, his brief stint as a Death Eater, and a particularly horrifying night in his Manor—other than those times, his biggest regret was that the only times Granger had ever seen him shirtless, it had been because he very unsexily needed her to heal him, and never from a romantic ailment—like tuberculosis.
OR—Draco attempts many times to woo Hermione. She is (mostly) unconvinced.
Bookmarked by swaggletooth
30 May 2026
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“Oh, hello, you,” Hermione said softly. It was a little frog, no bigger than the hollow of the palm of her hand. Gently, she scooped it up in her hand and smiled. It really was very cute.
Then it opened its mouth and said: “What the fuck, Granger?”
That was when she screamed and threw the frog straight back into the plants.
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In which Draco Malfoy is accidentally—and possibly irreversibly—turned into a frog, and he relentlessly
antagonizescharms Hermione Granger as she attempts to help him.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 60,356
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 959
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- 1,347
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- 449
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- 29,290
Bookmarked by swaggletooth
25 May 2026
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A trip to Budapest. A trip to Paris. A startling realisation. It’s horrifying—understanding you’re in love with your best friend.
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Draco sticks his hands in his pockets and sighs. “This sort of sky always reminds me of you.”
“How so?”
“It’s overwhelming, don’t you think?”
Puffy clouds mix with thin, straight ones, stretched from one end of the horizon to the other. Pink and orange peek through a fading blue-grey backdrop, the sun nearing its last legs.
It is overwhelming.
It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to her.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,600
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 3
- Comments:
- 225
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- 976
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- 198
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- 7,717
Bookmarked by swaggletooth
21 May 2026