lithiumAlchemist
Fandoms
- Homestuck (6)
Recent works
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Summary
DIRK: I’m gonna need you to walk me through the steps. Think of it as wooing me, here.
DIRK: What’s in it for you?
DIRK: Why do you want this?
JAKE: Well when you shove me hard on the spot like that a fella starts feeling a little bit silly.
JAKE: How shall i put this...
JAKE: Have you ever seen the movie Avatar, dearest?
JAKE: It stars these huge and really elegant androgynous alien catpersons of various blue hues frolicking about in the jungle and experiencing primal intimacy through the act of downright spiritual brainfucking.[ Jake wants to have an "honest conversation" with Dirk about some of his wants and buried anxieties.
Apparently, the upper echelons of English's hierarchy of needs are pretty curious about the whole... narrativic ordeal. ] -
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Summary
The three-month anniversary of your honeymoon is in just a few days. You're thriving. All's right with the world. You're working on your next piece of interactive fiction, the afternoon sun is still out, and everything points to a perfect, lazy Saturday. Except...
Jake seems to have misplaced his dick in the shower.
The situation is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.
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Summary
Jake and Ultimate Dirk try a long distance relationship.
As far as Canon is concerned, this could only ever result in a disaster of catastrophic proportions.
Series
- Part 2 of Bell the Prince
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Summary
Dirk's lovely oddball roommate (for whom he's harbored the most Reddit-infamous crush of the decade, in a post that has gone viral after a fateful event) suggests they make a few edibles for quick cash. But of course, someone has to try those, and who better than the cooks themselves? Hilarity, gender, horror, and 11.1k Upvotes ensue.
(Or: And They Were Roommates, except neither knows how much weed goes into an edible and both are horrible, terrible, no good gay dumbasses. Events are set prior to the first fic, contextualizing Jake's behavior)
Series
- Part 2 of Two Idiots At Homoville, N69, TX
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Summary
In a moment of desperation, Dirk goes on r/relationships. Things get oversharey real quick. He types as follows:
"I [23M] cannot understand my [24M?] roommate. He is the most bizarre man to ever set foot on earth and I’m afraid I’m losing him."
or, and They Were Roommates.Series
- Part 1 of Two Idiots At Homoville, N69, TX
Recent series
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Summary
Dirk gets a weird new roommate, and against all logic falls for him. A legendary reddit meltdown on r/relationships ensues.
Things may not be what they seem.
(Marked as complete, for the moment. New installments may happen, but dont count on it!)
- Words:
- 10,566
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 15
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Summary
"Bell the cat"
DEFINITION:
To put yourself in a dangerous position. The phrase comes from one of Aesop's fables: The Mice held a general council to consider what measures they could take to outwit their common enemy, the Cat. After a general discussion, a young Mouse rose to present a proposal. “You will all agree,” he said, “that our chief danger consists in the sly and treacherous manner in which the enemy approaches us. Now, if we could receive some signal of her approach, we could easily escape. I venture, therefore, to propose that a small bell be procured, and attached by a ribbon round the Cat's neck. By this means we should always know when she was about, and could easily retire while she was in the neighborhood.” This proposal met with general applause, until an old Mouse rose to ask, “That is all very well, but who is to bell the Cat?”
Jake meets Ultimate Dirk again.
(And then again.)
- Words:
- 23,219
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 13
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Dirk works as a bodyguard for the chief executive officer of Skaianet inc. In theory, this means he's also his traveling companion, constant shadow, and silent assistant.
In practice, their relationship is a little more complex. Or it is when he wants to help his boss de-stress, anyway.
Bookmarked by lithiumAlchemist
01 Oct 2021
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THE FRECKLED FIEND, EXASPERATED: Why are YOU mad?
YOU, MAD: Im not really mad.
DIRK: Yes you are.
YOU, NOT ACTUALLY MAD ANYMORE: No seriously. Just a jest bro.
DIRK, COMPLYING: ...Fine.It’s awkward. Awkward as most things are when you’re having a chance encounter with an old flame who you've been ghosting for two weeks straight.
Bookmarked by lithiumAlchemist
05 Jun 2021
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"And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Strider. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse. Later, about halfway through the book, rather than see the gag through to the bitter end, Strider began pasting over entire pages of original text with his own completely rewritten version of the story, while keeping all the chapter titles. His revision is a tough, emotionally draining read. But it's cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.
He tends to get carried away with his projects."Note: this work is an altered book, and it plays on the physical relationship between the original pages and the edited text. As such, it's presented as a series of images. Reading the images is the only way to get the full experience, but I'm aware that some people can't/don't want to read it that way. So if that's the case, you can skip to chapter 13, which is a text-only version of the story, including rough descriptions of the most important illustrations.
Originally posted on detective-pony.tumblr.com- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,809
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Comments:
- 581
- Kudos:
- 3,866
- Bookmarks:
- 1,331
- Hits:
- 183,993
Bookmarked by lithiumAlchemist
21 May 2021
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Summary
AO3 is great, but can it run Doom? Of course!!
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dirk is a horse and jake slaps his ass, based on the scene in bravestarr where that happens by purkka
Fandoms: Homestuck, BraveStarr (Cartoon)
08 May 2021
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Summary
I think the title explains it pretty well. I will not elaborate on this weird alternate universe where Jake and Dirk replace the main characters of BraveStarr.