Wildflowerthinker
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,485
- Kudos:
- 31,309
- Bookmarks:
- 12,441
- Hits:
- 1,901,783
Bookmarked by Wildflowerthinker
10 Jun 2026
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Summary
This story is set twenty-three years after the fall of Voldemort. Our main characters are Ministry employees, middle-aged, and the majority of them not very happy.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,893
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 26
- Comments:
- 1,691
- Kudos:
- 10,319
- Bookmarks:
- 4,368
- Hits:
- 385,282
Bookmarked by Wildflowerthinker
07 Jun 2026
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Summary
On Wednesday, October 15th, at exactly twelve minutes past seven in the evening, Hermione Granger died.
On that same Wednesday, October 15th, at exactly twelve minutes past seven in the evening, Theodore Nott was pronounced dead after being discovered on the floor of his potions shop.
Two minutes later, at fourteen minutes past seven, the diagnostic above Hermione Granger’s head detected a heartbeat, while the one above Theodore Nott remained silent.
So why, when she opened her eyes, did she find him glaring at her? How was she going to get rid of him? And, most curiously of all, how did Draco Malfoy become the only person she trusted to help her figure it out?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 152,280
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 3,162
- Kudos:
- 1,895
- Bookmarks:
- 935
- Hits:
- 74,706
Bookmarked by Wildflowerthinker
05 Jun 2026
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Summary
A string of unprecedented attacks lead Hermione Granger to the vast library of a long-deserted manor, seeking explanations.
Instead, she finds watchful eyes in the creeping shadows, crimson-coated dreams, and an appetite just as ravenous as her own.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,531
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 930
- Kudos:
- 1,095
- Bookmarks:
- 614
- Hits:
- 50,846
Bookmarked by Wildflowerthinker
05 Jun 2026
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Summary
Ten million galleons in exchange for teaching Draco Malfoy the finer arts of sexual pleasure before his wedding.
For an entire year. In secret. While he’s betrothed to someone else.
What could go wrong?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,310
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 904
- Kudos:
- 1,280
- Bookmarks:
- 369
- Hits:
- 27,500
Bookmarked by Wildflowerthinker
31 May 2026