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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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Hermione Granger was one of the Wizarding World’s most accomplished Healers, specialising in rare and unexplained magical illnesses.
Draco Malfoy was a single father with a son no spell could cure. Five-year-old Scorpius had been passed from Healer to Healer and subjected to every advanced treatment available—none of which had worked.
With nowhere else to turn, Draco placed his last hope in the Brightest Witch of Her Age.
What began as a professional duty slowly became something far more intimate. As Hermione worked to heal Scorpius, a quiet, beautiful bond formed between them—one built on patience, trust, and small moments of light. And in watching his son come alive in Hermione’s presence, Draco found himself drawn into that connection as well, bound to them both in ways he hadn’t expected.
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He can't leave the room. Her room. And it's all the Order's fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something's going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. "There," she spat. "Now your Blood's filthy too!" DM/HG. PostHBP. Now complete with the epilogue.
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the red g-string of fate by quicknotesquim for Dizzle00
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
20 Jan 2026
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He sucks in air through his teeth as his finger curls around the scrap of silk. "What, pray tell, are these?"
"Knickers," she stammers weakly.
“‘Knickers,’ she says. Granger, if these are knickers, then their other ninety-five percent is with Houdini, who may I remind you is still missing.”
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For years they were two clashing musical notes played together, uncomfortable in the experience yet meant to move the score forward. A build that had no rhyme or reason other than to lead them towards the dissonance, the crescendo that when finally brought together feels an awful lot like a bridge converging two wandering souls.
Or: what happens when Hermione Granger's "gut" leads her to a dying Draco Malfoy.
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She reveled in it, committed to her course and determined to see it through more than ever. "This could have been an easy three days for you, Malfoy. I was prepared to respect your wishes as much as was reasonable. But if this is how you are choosing to treat me for doing something kind for you while I'm quite literally trapped in your home, then I'm not going to play nice anymore." She retrieved her plate and water, sending him a malicious smirk that could have rivaled one of his own.
His animosity clicked back into place, a cruel smile curving his lips. “Threats now, Granger? I believe it’s safe to assume friendship isn’t in our future after all.”
“You misunderstand,” she said, rising so she could have the height advantage for once. “It’s my friendship I’m threatening you with.”
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“You need an orgasm.”
That was absolutely the last thing she’d thought Draco Malfoy would ever say to her. Did he even consider her a sexual creature? How interesting. But regardless, his advice was useless because orgasms weren’t something she had ready access to.
“Excellent advice.” She turned a corner suddenly and quickly trotted up the steps. He barely faltered, keeping up with her seamlessly, uncowed by her unwelcoming tone.
“That sounded sarcastic.”
“Ten points to Slytherin,” she said, even more sarcastically, and then winced when she remembered that, as Head Girl, she actually had the authority to grant them and would probably see an additional ten emeralds in their vessel at dinner.
Bugger.
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Or where Hermione has never had an orgasm and Draco cannot abide.
(This has turned into a full-on sexploration with romance as the plot, and is my ode to sex, good communication, and all my favorite tropes)
Series
- Part 1 of You Do It For Me Universe
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“It’ll be a phrase you’d say in bed,” Ginny supplied, grinning. “It has to be something provocative.”
Hermione clicked her tongue. “Be sensible. It will be on my body forever.”
“You can choose the phrase,” Ginny said magnanimously, then tilted her head, considering her. “And where. On your bum might be nice, for instance.”
“I’m not getting my bum tattooed,” Hermione deadpanned, then sighed. “Fine. I’ll think of something.”
“Think fast. We’ll do it first thing this weekend.” Ginny pushed to her feet, plucking up their empty glasses and walking them to the sink.
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Or, when Hermione is dared to get a tattoo.
Series
- Part 4 of Pierced Draco
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‘Thank you, boy,’ Draco whispered very quietly, so Hermione couldn’t hear. ‘It’s been an absolute privilege loving her with you.’
Or
Hermione is having the worst Christmas of her life - until fate intervenes.
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Hermione and Draco are sent undercover to a death eater-infested club. Their job is simple: convince them that he is still on their side, using her as his muggle-born whore to sell the ruse. Their role-playing quickly intensifies into an act that they've both needed for some time...
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And thus began a very complicated and unideal state of affairs in which Draco couldn’t ask whether the world-ending, all-consuming randiness he felt all day every day from that point on was a symptom of his magical fake-real (but mostly fake) pregnancy and something that she was also experiencing, or simply the logical progression of his hithertofore unacknowledged obsession with Hermione Granger.
Or, Draco has couvade syndrome (the magical version!) thrust upon him.
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“I feel like—a meteor crashed into my house and I’m the only one who can see it. I feel like a sketch on a piece of parchment instead of a real person. I feel like I will curse the next person who tells me to ‘just enjoy it’.”
Hermione never thought she would be a solo parent. No one told her that it would be boring, and devastating, and that she would be filled with so much joy that she might burst any second.
No one told Draco he'd feel the same way.
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Dream a Little, Dream of Me by BlueZeldana, Roseheira
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
23 Dec 2024
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Draco Malfoy saved Hermione's life during the Battle of Hogwarts, revealing his true nature to her.
Seeing his white-grey wings brought back memories she didn't know she had.
PLEASE don't post my fics on rating apps like Goodreads, Storygraph, or similar. Don't repost them to other platforms.
Do not repost Roseheira's art. -
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Draco strides along the corridors of Hogwarts in his 8th year minding his own business, when he suddenly collides with a fantasy he never knew he had.
This started as a one-shot, and then grew to three.
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After her abrupt break up with Ron, Hermione finds herself unexpectedly single for her 8th year. One night, Draco Malfoy approaches her in the library with a proposition– to be his ‘fake girlfriend.’ Shocked, Hermione contemplates his offer and ultimately accepts to enact revenge. But as time goes on, she finds herself unable to distinguish between what is real and what isn’t.
Draco Malfoy, on the other hand, knows exactly what he wants and how to get it. Now, all he has to do is wait and show Hermione just how good she could have it.
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The Nature of Seduction by artofcrumbs, dreamsofdramione for spicytofuuuu
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
06 Jul 2022
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“Yes. It has been rumoured to have… aphrodisiac properties.”
“Oh.” Sweat beads at her temple and she wants to wipe it away, but she’s afraid if she moves she might do something she shouldn’t. “What do I do?”
“You—I—We…” Captain Longbottom licks his lips. “You have to… take care of it.”
“Take care of it?” Her voice hits a foreign pitch. “And how—”
She doesn’t have to ask. -
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Someone new shows up for the weekly Quidditch game.
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AUTHOR NOTE: this fic will remain up online for the time being. My book (At the Mercy of Midnight), published 08 September 2025, is so far removed from this fic in many ways (it is not a rewrite etc), that I feel comfortable leaving this fic as is to stand on its own feet until a time where I no longer wish for it to be available online. Xx love to all
I'm available for chats on TikTok: @awritersproject and Instagram: @infinitybooks
Synopsis:
When Hermione Granger is accidentally cut by an old Malfoy Family Heirloom, a matrimonial blade, an ancient magic seems to think she is betrothed to the last Malfoy heir, and begins to pull her into Draco’s bed every night, at midnight.
A non-epilogue compliant Dramione fan fiction.
Binding queries: all binding requests of this fic have my blanket consent as long as they are for personal use only, with no intent to profit off the bind whatsoever.
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Hermione Granger's heat wasn't supposed to start for another two weeks. But that was before the intoxicating scent of an unknown alpha triggered it as they passed in the atrium. Can she make it through the rest of the day before starting her leave? And who is the mysterious alpha who smells like her perfect mate?
A Dramione ABO oneshot.
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Hermione's quiet Christmas plans with Harry are upended when, halfway across the world, they come across a trio of former Slytherins staying in the next cabin over. But Hermione isn't entirely certain whether quiet is what she wants anymore. Dramione.