ExtraterrestrialHeart
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amaretto by goosewriting
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
30 Jun 2021
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“Demons have laws?” Aziraphale asks, head cocked to the side.
“Well, insofar as nature has laws, yes. Is that your final request? Is that what it’ll be?”
Aziraphale takes a moment to contemplate this. “Yes.”
Crowley nods, then holds the pad of his thumb out to Aziraphale’s mouth. “Lick it,” he commands.
“Excuse me?” Aziraphale squeaks. Crowley notes that this is the first time Aziraphale has been outwardly puzzled at literally anything Crowley has done.
“In order for a demonic contract to be solidified, there needs to be a mixing of biological matter, and I’m assuming you’re not into bloodletting,” Crowley says, eyes wide. He’s been wrong before.
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Aziraphale, a human, has grown used to being alone.
Everything changes for him when a unique occult relic falls into his hands and loops him into a contract with a mild-mannered (if a bit snarky) demon named Crowley.
- Language:
- English
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- 69,605
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- 10/10
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Bookmarked by ExtraterrestrialHeart
22 Jun 2026
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"There was something else I was going to ask you," Aziraphale continued, unabashed. "Ah… How to put it?" He tapped his hand on his thigh for a moment, and then apparently found inspiration. "Ah! When you're…" Crowley made the mistake of making eye contact with him, and Aziraphale gave him another outrageous wink. "Dining out… What cutlery do you prefer to use?"
"I'm sorry?" Crowley said pleasantly, trying his best not to cause anything in the dining room to catch aflame in his frustration.
Aziraphale gave him a reproachful stare, as if Crowley were being very stupid. "When you're eating, Crowley. Do you favour the… The knife?" Aziraphale actually glanced conspicuously at his own crotch, and Crowley considered leaving the dining room via the nearest window. "Or the spoon?" Another raised eyebrow. "Or even, let's say, a fork?"
"What the fuck is the fork in this situation?" Crowley hissed through gritted teeth.
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Aziraphale mentions that he'd like to have sex with Crowley. Crowley is completely taken-aback, and very conflicted, and very interested. Aziraphale is also trying to kill him by using elaborate food metaphors to explain the whole subject, which is not helping in the slightest.
- Language:
- English
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Bookmarked by ExtraterrestrialHeart
20 Jun 2026
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It is just a peach. He’s eaten plenty of peaches before. There is no reason why this one should be any different. He can have it if he wants it. However—he’s perfectly aware he’s being tempted, and that’s why he should say no. He should control himself.
Crowley brings the peach to his own mouth, and Aziraphale watches him, transfixed, lips parted and breath itching in his throat. The demon locks eyes with him as he takes a bite, the sound wet and sweet and obscene.
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Aziraphale asks Crowley to use his demonic powers to tempt him. It's very effective.- Language:
- English
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- 2,503
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by ExtraterrestrialHeart
20 Jun 2026
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on the same page by Chekhov
Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
15 Sep 2020
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Summary
Aziraphale Z. Fell is a rising star of the spiritual literary genre - the next Eat Pray Love guy - and his version of Chicken Soup For the Christian Soul is flying off the shelves. It's not that he's not grateful, but it's one thing to enjoy a career in writing and another completely to be pigeonholed into a specific genre, so much so that you are almost forbidden from writing anything else.
So yes, maybe he has a bit of a secret. An outlet for his less... appropriate urges. And yes, if his typical readership got word of the sort of paragraphs he could put out on a particularly inspired night, they might suffer some form of heart attack typical for their age.
But all of that is well hidden, and there is absolutely no way anyone would ever find out about his Arrangement with A.J. Crowley - the most debaucherous romantic fiction author of the decade.
That is... until they have to pretend to be married to each other.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 117,728
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- 15/15
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- 10
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- 2,495
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Bookmarked by ExtraterrestrialHeart
19 Jun 2026
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Summary
Nobody would suspect that Aziraphale, reluctant Principality and fidgety Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden, would have a tryst with a demon.
This is a good thing. It means they’re less likely to get caught.
“You’re about to say yes, angel,” murmurs the serpent behind him, hot breath against the shell of his ear and hands lost inside Aziraphale’s mint-green silk robe. “I can feel it.”🍎
In which Crowley and Aziraphale have been sleeping together since Eden and somehow still manage to pine after each other for six thousand years.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,347
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- 11/11
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- 10
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- 1,137
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Bookmarked by ExtraterrestrialHeart
13 Jun 2026