Chapter Text
At first, you spend most of your time on the meteor third-wheeling. Your sister is in pretty hardcore lesbians with Kanaya right from the get-go, and Terezi seems to be doing something similar with Vriska. This doesn't stop you from hanging out with them and generally needling them, but it gets old pretty fast. You can't say you're surprised when Rose finally snaps at you and sends Kanaya to apologize the next day. Vriska’s much more openly hostile from the start, and you discover pretty quickly that even with Terezi’s influence she's not above doing some pretty drastic shit to you to get you to leave.
It works, to say the least.
From then on, you hang around the Mayor in Can Town, which has the unfortunate side effect of placing you in relatively close proximity to Karkat, in your opinion the worst troll, second only to Vriska. He’s loud and grating, always shouting about some asinine topic or another, and for whatever reason he absolutely hates you. You don’t really care, you think he’s funny as hell, but being the constant subject of someone’s ire is both tiresome and familiar for reasons you don’t want to think about.
So one day, after a heated Vantas-patented rant about fuck knows what begins with no end in sight, you just get up, turn on your heel, and walk out. You already weren't in the mood. Vriska was hanging around you weirdly that morning. It put you on edge, sent a snake of tension up your spine to bite down in the meat at the back of your neck.
You wander the meteor aimlessly. Once upon a time, Terezi and Vriska were trying to map out the entire lab, but all they really achieved was discovering that there was more lab than actual meteor, and leaving a few obnoxiously colored drawings around, before it gets too deep. Right now, you’re long past any of these drawings. It’s just you and the dark and the creaking noises of the lab, absolutely none of which are honks. Nope. No honks here, no ominous murderclowns who are supposed to be trapped in a fridge but how are you really supposed to know, since you can’t open the fridge to check, and besides if he’s so strong and murder-y what’s to stop him from escaping anyway?
Okay. Maybe you’re freaking out a little bit. It’d probably help if you weren’t in one of these legendary endless staircases, so you lift off the ground and fly to the bottom and duck into the first room you see.
Not ideal, you think, looking around at the cavernous space, but still an improvement. In the center of the room are a few massive slime-filled jars containing more mutant beasts, and around it are scattered several humanoid-looking things in jars. Trolloid? Trollian? Karkat would know, but fuck him.
Holyshitdidthatonemove.
No. There’s no way it just moved. It’s a dead (right? it is dead?) humanoid trolloid mutant thing in a tube of green slime. You shuffle closer anyway, just to make sure.
Oh fuck. Ohhhh fuck it definitely twitched. But you aren’t really sure, because the slime is really murky and this room is really dark (although it’d be less dark if you took off your shades, but fuck that noise). It’s not, like, very big or anything. Shit, if it’s alive, that means it’s trapped. It’s probably weak as fuck from being in this jar for however long, too.
Emboldened by this train of thought (and pushing back the rising dread in your chest), you gently rap on the glass with your knuckles. Unfortunately, the hairline crack just by the lid that you didn’t notice until just now widens until the whole top of the jar breaks and the lid falls into the slime. You jerk backwards a few feet, but the jar doesn’t explode or anything. You hover closer. The lid is sinking, oozing slime. The troll person’s knees have buckled and it’s sinking to the bottom too. The slime is overflowing.
You reach out and touch the slime with the tip of a finger. It’s grotesquely warm and extremely sticky, and there’s a weird sort of suction. You move to pull your hand away but the suction gets stronger the harder you pull until your whole hand is submerged in the goo. Your palm scrapes on the sharp edge of the broken glass, releasing wispy red tendrils into the slime.
Okay, pull more, get more resistance. So relax your hand and pull out slowly and it’ll be fine.
This actually works, which is a relief since your hand has started to tingle ominously and as much as you need your right hand for drawing SBaHJ, you’re beginning to wish you hadn’t shoved your dominant hand into the goo.
Before long, your hand is free of slime, except for a sticky green residue, but it hasn’t stopped tingling, and the cut stings.
Right, okay, gotta get the residue off your hand. Okay, dunkass, go to any bathroom and rinse it off in the sink. Yeah. You can do that.
The slow flight to the bathroom is painstaking, but you can’t go fast because you don’t want to get lost. You just go straight until you see one of Terezi’s garish drawings, and by this time you know where you are well enough to be able to speed up and get to the nearest bathroom.
You rinse your hand off under the tap, taking care to clean out the cut on your hand. The slime comes off perfectly fine, but your hand doesn’t look right. It isn’t until you realize that you never turned the lights on and rectify this that you notice.
The skin of your hand has a distinctly grayish pallor. You’d go so far as to say it’s straight-up gray. The cut has stopped bleeding, thankfully, and it seems to be closing up on its own. The beds of your nails are yellow, the nails themselves thick and opaque.
Are you seeing things? You might be seeing things. Just to make sure, you push your shades into your hair and look back down at your hand. Definitely gray. Your nails even look longer. You swipe a finger across the back of your hand, and all the little nearly-invisible hairs there flutter down like snow. Really gross snow. If LOFAF had had this instead of snow, frog-hunting would have been a very different story.
The skin on your hand is tough and leathery, and the bones aren’t quite the same -- thinner, sharper. There’s a distinct edge between your arm and your hand, and you can feel that the troll flesh has less give to it. It’s unnatural.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck what are you going to do your dominant hand has different bones and different muscles and it’s gray and there are gonna be claws -- what if it spreads? What if it spreads like a rash until your whole body is a troll?
You should talk to Rose. She’ll know what to do, and bonus, she’ll be able to make you stop freaking out.
You shove your hand deep into your pants pocket and walk to the common room as casually as you can. She and Kanaya are on the couch, and it looks like for whatever reason Karkat’s there too, talking passionately to Kanaya about something.
DAVE: hey uh rose
Your voice cracks.
DAVE: can you come talk to me about something
DAVE: something maybe a little... private
Kanaya looks at you strangely, but Rose nods and follows you into the hall.
ROSE: What is it?
You take your hand out of your pocket and show her. Your nails are even longer than they were before, and they stick out kind of the way the trolls’ claws do.
DAVE: i was in the labs and one of the glass tubes with a little troll in it broke and i touched the goo and this happened
Rose gingerly takes your hand, feeling around the seam between your arm and your hand. It’s not so much of a seam anymore -- it’s still pretty clear where your human skin ends and your troll skin begins but the line isn’t as sharp as it was before. She tugs gently at the tips of your fingers and presses lightly on your claws.
ROSE: Well, it’s a perfectly ordinary troll hand. Here, one moment.
She decaptchalogues a pen and draws a purple line at the edge of the tough gray skin.
ROSE: This will show us if it’s spreading. I doubt this is the sort of thing that should be kept a secret from the others, Dave. It could be problematic to the timeline, even if it doesn’t spread. Would you like to be the one to tell Karkat or shall I?
Why does she think you’d have any special feelings about telling Karkat in particular?
DAVE: i don’t care
The corners of her mouth curve slightly upwards.
ROSE: Just checking. Come on; I think I’ll want Kanaya and Terezi’s help with fixing this, and we shouldn’t leave anyone out of the loop. Would you rather tell people in increments or all at once?
Pros to telling everyone at once: you only have to do it once. Cons to telling everyone at once: you have to stand in front of everyone at once, and also Vriska.
DAVE: all at once i guess
ROSE: I’ll gather everyone, then. I assume you don’t want to.
You grunt noncommittally.
ROSE: Very well. We may as well wait in the sitting room.
She extends her arm like she wants you to take it like a gentleman from an old movie, so you do.
DAVE: hang on you made me the girl
DAVE: here
You switch your arms so she’s holding onto your bicep as opposed to her holding onto yours.
ROSE: What’s wrong with you ‘being the girl,’ as you say? Are you implying that femininity is inferior? Why, Dave. I expected better.
DAVE: what no i just
DAVE: youre impossible
You walk her into the room, where Karkat and Kanaya are huddled on the couch, whispering.
KARKAT: SO WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT?
ROSE: We're going to gather everyone in here to talk about it. It concerns the timeline, after all.
KANAYA: Oh Dear
KANAYA: What Happened
ROSE: We’ll wait until everyone’s here.
Vriska and Terezi walk in a minute and a half later.
VRISKA: So what’s this 8ig important meeting a8out? I hope it’s actually something important. Some of us live 8usy lives.
ROSE: Dave, would you care to...
DAVE: yeah sure
You stand up.
DAVE: it’s fucking story time kiddos sit down and get comfy cause mr striders schoolfeeding all you lucky little grubs
ROSE: Dave.
Right. Say the thing. You got this.
DAVE: right
DAVE: so
DAVE: uh
DAVE: i was like
DAVE: wandering around and i was in one of the rooms with all the bottles
DAVE: and this one had a bottle with a troll-y-looking person in it
DAVE: and i swear to god it moved
DAVE: so i touched the tube and it broke
DAVE: so i touched the slime and it sucked my hand in
DAVE: and now it looks like this
You take your hand out of your pocket, long, three-dimensional claw nails and all, and wave it around. Terezi comes up and takes your arm, giving it a good sniff.
TEREZI: 1TS 4 TROLL H4ND
She touches each claw tip, now formidably sharp, and licks your palm.
TEREZI: CH3RRY C4NDY MUT4NT BLOOD TOO
TEREZI: JUST L1K3 OUR D34R FR13ND K4RK4T
TEREZI: 4LTHOUGH 1 SUPPOS3 TH4TD B3 ON3 OF TH3 L4ST TH1NGS TO CH4NG3 4NYW4Y
You take your hand back. Is it you or is the purple line Rose drew a little further away from the edge of the gray? It's hard to say for sure.
ROSE: We decided to make this general knowledge for a few reasons.
Rose stands up and puts a hand on your shoulder.
ROSE: First of all, it would have come out at some point.
(You think you hear Kanaya murmur Phrasing from her seat on the couch.)
ROSE: Second, and more importantly, this may cause some problems with the timeline. Even if the change remains localized to one hand, it may still impair Dave’s fighting, which is especially problematic as he is one of our main fighters. This is not to mention how drastic the changes will be if his entire body transforms.
TEREZI: 1S TH4T L1K3LY
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: it already looks like it’s spreading
DAVE: so
You trace the purple line. The line where tough, leathery troll skin meets soft, hairy human skin is maybe a millimeter away from the purple ink, but that’s still farther than it was when Rose drew it.
DAVE: and the claws didn’t stick out so much and weren’t so sharp when it first happened
DAVE: and now they’re pretty much regular claws
ROSE: I’d like Terezi and Kanaya at least to accompany us to the scene of the crime, so to speak. We’ll have to see what we can do.
ROSE: Terezi, Kanaya, will you agree to help?
TEREZI: SUR3
KANAYA: Yes But Why Me
ROSE: You did much of the frog breeding, didn’t you? You’re at least a little familiar with the way this machinery functions.
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: Yes But Karkat More So
KANAYA: He Was Also The One Who Created Us And Our Ancestors
ROSE: Very well, Karkat too.
KARKAT: FINE, WHATEVER.
KARKAT: NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.
ROSE: Dave, would you mind leading us to the lab where this happened?
DAVE: i mean i can try
ROSE: Let’s go, then.
VRISKA: W8! Don’t forg8 about me! You’ll want to have someone like me there to make sure nothing goes wrong.
VRISKA: I have all the luck, after all, and a little luck can turn the tides.
ROSE: Hm. It certainly couldn’t hurt to have you along, especially with your luck skills. You’re welcome to come, of course.
ROSE: Dave? Take us away.
##
Finding the room itself isn’t too difficult, just time-consuming. You only make two wrong turns, and you catch them quickly enough that you don’t have to backtrack far.
Not much has changed in the room. The tube is still probably about as intact as it was the last time you saw it, the lid and top section broken up but the slime still fully contained.
ROSE: This is the one?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: just touched it and it sucked my hand in
ROSE: Alright. I hardly think it even bears mentioning, but just to be sure, do not touch the slime. At all. Anyone. We don’t know what sort of effects it might have on trolls, but we surely don’t want to find out.
KANAYA: But Surely The Slime Will Help Us Deduce How This Came To Pass
ROSE: Yes, of course. But its effects on human flesh are plain, and possible effects on troll flesh are too unknown and too risky. We’ll have to be careful not to let it touch skin.
KANAYA: How Do You Plan To Manage That
ROSE: Careful use of resources and possibly creative alchemizing. What are the components of a sterile latex glove? Hopefully, we shall find out.
ROSE: Dave, please refrain from commenting on other uses for latex.
DAVE: what the hell
DAVE: i wasnt even going to say anything rose whyd you have to put that thought in my mind
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N BY OTH3R US3S OF L4T3X
TEREZI: WH4TS L4T3X
ROSE: Latex is a material used to make sterile gloves and condoms, among other things.
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 CONDOMS
DAVE: kill me now
ROSE: They are tubes of latex that humans with a certain genital set put on their reproductive organs during the act of sex so as to prevent transmission of diseases or pregnancy.
KARKAT: EVERY TIME I ALLOW MYSELF TO FORGET THAT YOU GUYS ARE MAMMALS, I’M FORCED TO REMEMBER.
KARKAT: PLEASE NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING RELATING TO PAILING OR YOUR WEIRD, PERVERTED REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS EVER AGAIN.
DAVE: hate to agree with karkat but i second the motion
Rose just smirks a terrible, knowing smirk.
ROSE: Ah yes, you’d rather keep that between yourselves, wouldn’t you?
DAVE: i swear to fucking god rose
DAVE: just start figuring out how to fix my damn hand before i kill you
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? I’D RATHER SHOVE A RUSTY SICKLE UP MY DIGESTION SPHINCTER THAN EVEN THINK ABOUT PAILING WHILE ON THE SAME PLANET AS DAVE.
Rose laughs a tiny, evil laugh.
DAVE: evil witch
ROSE: Methinks the lady doth protest too much, Dave.
ROSE: But I digress.
ROSE: Dave, Karkat, Kanaya, Vriska, if you have something else you’d like to be doing at the moment, you’re free to go.
ROSE: Terezi and I need to discuss the timeline.
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE ME COME AT ALL IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO COME HERE AND THEN HAVE US FUCKING LEAVE?
ROSE: Plans change, Karkat. This…
ROSE: I don’t know what I was actually expecting but I don’t think it was quite this.
ROSE: I will certainly be needing your help at some point later, however.
ROSE: Besides, we all know where this is now, which will be helpful later.
Rose turns towards Terezi and starts talking to her quietly.
DAVE: k well im going to can town
KARKAT: WHAT? NO YOU’RE NOT. I’M GOING TO CAN TOWN.
DAVE: well where else am i sposed to go
DAVE: do you expect me to hang out with vriska or some shit
VRISKA: Fuck you too, Dave!!!!!!!!
DAVE: yeah whatever
KANAYA: Actually Karkat I Was Hoping Maybe We Could Hang
KANAYA: So To Speak
KANAYA: We Havent Had Much Of A Chance Lately
Karkat seems surprised.
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: UH, YEAH, SURE.
He and Kanaya leave, leaving you with Vriska. You take one look at her and just walk out. You’re not dealing with any more of her bullshit today.
VRISKA: W8!
VRISKA: Actually, never mind. That’s r8, get out! Leave!
DAVE: what the fuck is your problem
VRISKA: Am I really the one with the pro8lem here?
DAVE: uh *yeah*
DAVE: i wasnt the one who got so possessive with my little alien girlfriend that i had to chase away every other friend she might possibly have
VRISKA: I was helping her elimin8 harmful influences! She said herself from the future of an altern8 timeline that she shouldn’t try to d8 you! I was doing what she wanted me to do!
DAVE: thats fucking great except i dont particularly want to date her either
DAVE: i just wanted to be her goddamn friend
DAVE: is the concept too alien for you
DAVE: a friend is someone you chill with and dont date
DAVE: its not hard to grasp
VRISKA: Oh, I’m so sorry that I care more a8out the possi8le death of the timeline than your little feelings. Go cry a8out something important.
VRISKA: Some of us have important things to do.
DAVE: like what
Vriska is silent for a while. You wish you could feel victorious, but honestly, it’s not like you have anything important to do either.
DAVE: there is literally nothing to do on this meteor except wait and try not to fuck up too bad
VRISKA: That’s not true! There’s........
VRISKA: Training! We can’t just let ourselves stagn8. We have to 8e 8etter than we were 8efore when it comes time to fight Jack!
You shake your head.
DAVE: whatever you say man
DAVE: im out
You walk out. Can Town sounds great. Just you and the Mayor, chilling. No Karkat, no Vriska, no worries.
(Well. You know the “no worries” part is actually bullshit but damn if you can’t pretend.)