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Kaiser sat there, his cold water bottle in hand as he watched the other guys train. The cold was a sharp reminder. A sharp reminder that he was still there, still alive.
You didn’t even need to look at him closely to tell he wasn’t taking care of himself. The dark bags under his eyes contrasting his fair skin. His skin seemed almost too loose for his bones. He hadn’t been eating enough.
Kaiser’s teammates stared at him in concern, worry, pity. All the above. Kaiser wanted to get angry, yell at them. He was Michael Kaiser after all. Michael Kaiser doesn’t need pity. But.. he didn’t feel like getting mad for once, almost as if he couldn’t. Because he couldn’t.
He slowly rose from the bench. The show must go on. The show must go on. The show must go on. Michael Kaiser must go on. That thought ran through his head, the only thing keeping him together. Preventing him from falling apart right then and there.
He looked to his side, expecting someone to be there. No one was though. He was alone. It was like this yesterday too. And the day before that. He clenched his water bottle before dropping it on the ground.
Train. I must train now.. He thought as he sluggishly walked onto the pitch. Before he could even touch the field, Noel stopped him, his coach.
He blinked, his gaze slowly moving to meet Noel’s. “What?” His voice rough, a complete opposite to his usual cocky and smooth tone.
Noel stared at Kaiser for a good second. You couldn’t see it directly on his face, but you could certainly feel it. Noel was worried.
“You should sit this one out. You’re not fit to train. Not in this condition you’re in.” His voice was low and calm, trying to remain emotionless.
“What the shit are you talking about?” Kaiser’s fists clenched ever so slightly. “I’m not hurt, am I? I can train.”
“No.” Noel’s voice was commanding. “I won’t let you train, Kaiser.” He rose his hand to lightly put it on Kaiser’s back. As if he pressed to hard on Kaiser he’d break.
“If you train you’ll overexert yourself. You and me both know you’re not in the best-“
Kaiser slapped Noel’s hand off of him. A scowl on his face. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? I know my goddamn limits.”
“If you do then you’ll go home.”
“I refuse.”
“That wasn’t an order, Michael.”
It seemed as if the room at stopped. All eyes on Noel and Kaiser’s clash. Kaiser grit his teeth. “Fine, you shitty fucking coach.” He walked off with a harsh scoff.
He stomped out the training room and into the locker room. Though as he attempted to pick up his bags, he felt light headed. His hand shot up to his head.
’Come on, Michael. Stop messing around.’ He thought to himself. He had to snap out of this funk.
“Hey Lex, can you help me with-“ He paused.
Oh right.
Ness was dead.
He stood there. Had to be at least two minutes. He suddenly picked up his bags and left the locker room, an empty look on his face.
Kaiser walked the rather cool streets of Germany. Each step feeling more meaningless than the last.
He was used to stares. Stares of envy. Admiration. Love. Though now, the stares felt different. More pitiful and depressed.
It irritated Kaiser, heavily.
He didn’t deserve to pitied. These common folk should be looking at him in adoration. Not with those sad looks on their faces. He was Michael Kaiser for fucks sake. Did the public forget that? Did his team forget that? Did everyone just forget who he was and what power he held.
Apparently so.
He stared sharply at nothing in particular as he walked back to his house.
He didn’t know why, but it was as if the world had gotten quiet. He was used to noise. Loud noises. The noises of a crowd erupting after a goal. The noises of fans screaming his name. The noise of Ness’ laughter.
But now, it seemed like that was all gone..
That also irritated Kaiser.
After another seemingly long and dull 4 minutes, he reached his house. He walked in and shut the door before snapping on a light.
The house was rather unkept now. It was clear it had been in ill care recently. Though that didn’t bother Kaiser. Well it did actually. But, he didn’t know what do to about it anymore.
He walked deeper into the big house, dropping his bags in the random hallway. He couldn’t be bother to put them in the right place.
He stopped. His footsteps halting at the end of the hallway. Why hadn’t he gotten rid of this already..?
He slowly turned to face the picture frame. He picked it up carefully; as if it was more than just a photo protected by glass.
The photo showed him and Ness together. It was taken when their won their first championship. Together.
Kaiser held the trophy in the sky, a bright grin of arrogance and pride on his face. Ness hugged the side of his body excitedly. A huge smile on his face, filled with love and adoration.
The whole team was there, but Kaiser remembered. In that moment, it had felt like it was just him and Ness. Like they owned the world and nothing could touch them.
Kaiser stared. When he looked out the window, he noticed it was already dark. How long had he been standing there..? Not like it truly mattered though.
He gently sat the picture frame back down on the small coffee table where it was originally placed.
He stood there a second longer before walking upstairs to his and Ness’ room.
It was messy.
It wasn’t usually messy.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Never.
Kaiser fell to his knees, the carpet soft of his ruined skin. How long had Ness been gone? How long had he been living like this? How many weeks has it been already?
He couldn’t take it. Kaiser threw up, his insides laid out in front of him. He could taste a mixed of blood and acid in his mouth. He got up and dragged himself to the bathroom.
He washed his mouth out with the disgusting tap water. He looked up to see himself in the mirror; but he couldn’t. He had broken all mirrors in the house, he couldn’t bear to look at himself anymore. It was too painful to see what he had become.
He didn’t even know why he bothered leaving the house. All he did was torture others with his presence.
He felt tears pouring beginning to fall from his eyes. He felt so pathetic. Was he really falling apart by the minute all because that stupid Ness died? Why was he crying? He needed to man up.
“God..” He spoke softly, his voice practically a shaky whisper. “What am I even doing anymore..” He held tight onto the bathroom counter; as if it were the only thing that could ground him.
“Alexis,” He called out faintly, “why’d you have to go and leave me.” He chuckled painfully, tears giving him a headache. “I didn’t tell you that you could leave just yet.. You’re supposed to listen to me, remember..?”
No response. He was talking to nobody. Nobody. Kaiser grit his teeth before banging his head into the broken mirror. Leaving a spat of blood on his forehead and shards of glass.
He slid down the counter, lying on the hard bathroom floor. Blood pooled at his head. He slowly closed his eyes, praying this was all just a dream, and when he awoke.. Ness would be right next to him.
Touch.
It was a touch on his face.
A gentle, comforting touch.
It was almost familiar.
Kaiser slowly opened his eyes with a deep breath — preparing himself for what he was about to see.
He was greeted by a man. He had a warm, soft smile on his face. His fluffy magenta and brown hair made him look even more sweet. It was Ness.
Kaiser felt his eyes get blurry, tears returning. “L-Lex..” He murmured, “what are- I-“ He couldn’t bring himself to form a sentence. All he could do in that moment was cry from Ness’ pretty eyes staring down at him. Oh, how he missed that look..
“Mhh, you’re in worst shape than i thought you’d be..” Ness’ light voice spoke out. His eyes showing no judgement or pity. Only pure concern.
“I’m so.. I’m so sorry..” Kaiser cried out. The once confident and smug man, being reduced to a poor, sorry version of himself.
Ness lightly chuckled, his voice airier than usual. “Don’t be sorry. You just forgot to take of yourself.“
“Lex..” He sniffled, “Why’d you have to leave me..? Why’d you go…? I thought..” He sniffled, almost as if unable to finish his sentence. “I thought everything was okay.. Why’d didn’t you tell me..?”
Ness went quiet, his eyes darkening ever so slightly. “Don’t ask questions you know the answer too.”
“Huh..?” Kaiser’s eyes sluggish widened in confusion. “What do you-“
“You know why I did what I did.”
“But I don’t-“
“You do.”
Ness’ voice was no longer gently and reassuring. It was cold and head.
Kaiser blinked, trying to clear his vision. He stared at Ness’ legs. Cuts. He had never noticed that before..
“Lex, I- you-“
“Wake up, Micha.”
“But I am-“
“Wake up.”
Kaiser’s eyes then shot open. Where was Ness? Where’d he go?
Kaiser tried sitting up but was unable to. His hand weakly went up to his head. He went still as he realized the truth.
It was all a dream.
Ness never came back.
Kaiser gripped his hair in agony. What the hell was even going on anymore..
Though that’s when it all came flooding back. He remembered now. Ness had killed himself. And it was his fault.
He remembered the day like it was yesterday now.
———
They had just lost. Kaiser never took loses well. He was down on his fifth bottle of alcohol. One after another, there seemed like there’d be no stop.
All Ness could do was watch Kaiser ruin himself. He hesitantly stood behind the couch Kaiser would sitting on. He cautiously walked to the side of the couch where Kaiser was sitting.
“Micha..” He carefully mumbled. “I think you should stop. It’s late, we should get to bed.”
Kaiser forcefully dragged his eyes over to look at Ness. He scoffed, almost as if he was annoyed by Ness’ presence.
“I’m not tired, Lex.” He grumbled, his voice hoarse. “Now leave me alone, I don’t wanna talk to you right now.” He shooed Ness away drunkenly.
Ness’ lips tightened dejectedly. “I know your not tired but-“
Ness’ voice was cut off by a slam of glass on the table. He flinched and stepped back. When he finally met Kaiser’s gaze —— he was off the couch with a scowl.
“Are you deaf or something, Lex..?” He asked coldly mocking. “Leave. Me. Alone.”
“But, Micha-“
Ness then felt Kaiser’s cold hands wrap around his neck as he slammed him against the ground.
Ness’ eyes shrunk as he stared up at Kaiser’s dead eyes. He trembled under Kaiser’s suffocating touch.
“P-Please, Micha..” Ness pleaded, tears threatening to leave his eyes. “Let go..”
“Why would I do that?” Kaiser grinned manically. He slammed Ness’ head against the floor. “You’re the shitting reason we lost the damn game!”
He lowered his head closer to Ness’. “If you had just listened to me you wouldn’t be in this situation right now.” Kaiser’s grin quickly turned into a scowled again as he slammed Ness’ head again.
“P-please.. stop..” Was all Ness could whimper out. His eyes went hazy as he could feel himself loosing consciousness.
Kaiser scoffed before letting go off Ness and getting off of him. “Go away, Ness. You good for nothing.”
Ness didn’t immediately follow his new command. He took a slow deep breath, tears stained on his stained. “Why.. why would you do that..?” Ness murmured, his voice barely audible.
He gently rose to his feet, regaining his balance.
This.
This had been happening more recently. Kaiser drinking, and taking his feelings out on Ness.
Kaiser turned his head to face Ness, his expression on the verge of a scowl. “What did I tell you, Ness? Go.” His eyes narrowed.
Ness simply lowered his head and nodded before walking upstairs to their room. He still felt the pressure from Kaiser’s hands around his neck.
Why.
Ness sat down on the bed, unmoving. The only sounds to be heard were the fan and Ness’ breathing. His eyes trailed down to his legs. He pulled up his sweatpants. Scars decorated his legs.
Why.
He finally got up, and walked over to the table on the side of their bed. He slowly opened the drawer.
Why.
He took out the blade kept inside. It was cold and sharp, traces of dried blood were still on it. He simply held it before getting on his knees.
Why.
He brought the knife up to his throat, pressing it close, but not close enough to drawl blood. Not yet.
Why me.
His breath grew heavy and ragged, his vision blurred. Did he really wanna do this? He swallowed hard, hands shaky.
But he had to remember.
This would be the most freeing thing that could ever happen to him, even if it would be painful. It had to be done.
His whole life, he’d been controlled. Whether it was by Kaiser, his family, his coach.
He was always someone’s pawn. Today would be the day where that all ended.
The blade then cut skin.
He pushed it back as far as he could before he eventually fell to the ground. He lied there, bleeding out. His hands still rested limp on the knife as he lied there.
“Micha.. why..?” He muttered quietly before his eyes went cold. Body still. Brain dead. Heart quiet. He was gone, and nobody knew.
Hours had passed. Night had passed. Sunlight was shining through the curtains. Lightning Ness’ body.
Footsteps. Kaisers.
He yawned as he pushed open the bedroom door. He looked around, noticing Ness wasn’t in bed. “Lex..?” He called out tiredly before walking inside the room.
“Shit..” He grumbled due to his headache. Ugh, he had a hangover.
“Lex, where the fuck are you? This isn’t funny..” He scoffed before running into something. A body.
Kaiser’s eyes trailed down, he stared at Ness’ body before grumbling under his breath. He lowered down to Ness’ level lazily shaking him.
“What the shit are you going on the floor, Lex.” He yawned, stretching his arms. “Get up, already.” He groaned.
No response.
This was weird.
“Lex..?”
He rubbed his eyes, trying to force the tiredness out of him.
He then noticed.
The blade. The blood. The cold body. The dead eyes. Kaiser noticed. He noticed. He noticed it all at once.
He went still, hand still resting on Ness’ unusually cold body.
His heartbeat then sped up. It was beating faster than he ever thought was possible. His hand then shot up to his mouth. “Lex-!” Was the last thing Kaiser got out before throwing up beside Ness’ ice body.
He couldn’t look. He didn’t wanna.
“Alexis!” He cried out an agonizing scream, calling out Ness’ name. His body went limp as he cried; now lying in his bloody throw up next to Ness’ body. “I’m so- s-sorry-!” He vomitted more as he reached out to touch Ness’ lifeless body.
Why.
Why Alexis.
———
Kaiser remembered now. All his memories were back. He truly was the reason Ness died.
He lightly smiled before reaching out and grabbing a shard of glass. He sighed, his breath jagged and ruined.
He felt completely hollow inside.
He pressed the shard up to his throat. He wanted to go out the same way Lex did. A slit to the throat.
He thought back on everything. His life, his career, his relationships.. He was a terrible human being. A piece of shit. If it weren’t for his cruel actions, Ness would still be alive. Ness wouldn’t have cut himself. Ness would’ve been happy.
But it was too late to regret stuff now. What’s done, is done. All that was left to do was the finale. The finale to his life.
The show was nearing its end.
He pressed the shard close to his throat, a pearl of blood forming.
Alexis..
A beat. He then deepened the shard in his neck. He let out a screech of pain but refused to stop. He deserved this horrid way out.
He deepened the shard until his hands went still. His brain couldn’t think anymore, unable to form new thoughts as he bled out. He could only think of one thing now.
Alexis.. I’m so sorry..