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Lohen slowly woke up to the chirping of a bird. Indoors. A bird indoors? A bird indoors.
Keeping his eyes closed, he swatted at the headboard of the bed as if trying to turn off an alarm, not harsh enough to unintentionally hurt the bird, but enough to get it to stop its chirping and try nipping his finger as he brought his hand down. Once the bird finally caught his finger, Lohen let it sit, letting the bird nip until it had enough (or until it was mildly disturbed by the fact that it could draw blood and Lohen wouldn’t care), and he then retracted his hand. He rolled to lay on his back, and then opened his eyes, tilting his head up to look at the golden, Kuuvahki infused nightingale that sat atop the headboard, glaring right back at the Knight. The glare was filled with their love-hate relationship. When everything was okay, Aedon and Lohen were like rivals fighting over Illuga, or Aedon was simply upset about Lohen’s existence and about Lohen taking away his precious time with his owner and the fact that the bird was not allowed to sleep on the bed whenever Lohen was there. When Illuga was in dire need of help and it was Lohen who came to the rescue, Aedon tended to watch Lohen’s every move, but didn’t nag him. On the rare occasion, when the situation had been really bad, Aedon would perch himself on Lohen’s shoulder, sometimes nipping his earring, or gently pecking his neck or cheek to show his appreciation towards the Mondstadtian. But again, that's a rare occasion, and the two mostly fight as if they're siblings, or as if they're fighting for whoever gets the last seed or bread crumb.
Seeing that Aedon has finally calmed down, Lohen let out a deep breath, slowly waking up more. He could go back to sleep, but if he did that, he'll have Illuga pulling him by his ear for not waking him up for morning patrol. It's not Illuga's task to do it, but he still chooses to, and Lohen is all too glad to accompany him. Still, laying in bed with the men sounds like a much better idea.
Turning to lay on his right side, Lohen comes to lay face to face with his still sleeping boyfriend. He looked so peaceful, so unaware of the world they're living in… This version of Illuga is unaware of the Wild Hunt, unaware of the tragedy he's had to endure throughout his life, unaware of the man laying next to him.
Wouldn't it be better if he'd remained unaware of me? Was a thought that passed through Lohen's head as he took in Illuga's resting face. The sun that shone upon it highlighted only a stroke on his face, running from the left side of his hair to the right side of his jaw, just not catching the birthmark under his left eye, but still making him look absolutely ethereal. Probably. And yet, he's laying here in his bed, seeing ever so slight prints of his fingers that had dug themselves into Illuga's arms the night before, and knowing that he had hickeys on his own neck.
Illuga looked so vulnerable in this state, as if Lohen were to lay even the very tip of his finger on him, he'd shatter. Still, he reached out towards the sole person he was allowed to call his boyfriend. His eyes focused on the palm of his hands, seeing the still healing, but almost fully healed scar from when he'd stabbed himself right in the center, and it made him stop whatever he was doing. Right. Everything I touch, I shatter.
First his childhood, which truly, he had no say in, but he still blamed himself for because he hadn't been strong enough to defend himself. Then himself, which again, was out of his control, but had he been strong enough…
And then himself again, because he hadn't been strong enough to fight that Rächer of Solnari despite all the training he's endured.
Later, his… he'd only called him “pops” once, Adorno. It was at the near end of his life when he did so, too. Only recently had Lohen referred to his captain with such a title, but the fact that he did in the first place says a lot about how he truly felt, and how much Adorno really meant to him, no matter how much Lohen might deny. He knows Theodore’s still mourning him. Deep down, or perhaps not so deep down, Lohen is too.
And after all that, he shattered himself again. That's where the stab in his hand came from.
And then he proceeded to shatter Adorno one more time before he went. Before he could no longer shatter him another time.
If he touches Illuga now, when he's so vulnerable, with his tainted hand, he'll shatter him as well.
But I've touched him before.
But he's broken down in my arms before, when the load’s too heavy to hold onto. When another soul has been lost in battle and he desperately needs comfort. When he's injured and barely conscious and I'm the one to help him regain himself. He's been vulnerable in these tainted hands before, so what's stopping me?
Perhaps it's the different kind of vulnerability that Illuga is in right here. He's not hurt; he's not upset, or mourning, or injured. He's fine. He's breathing steadily, he's all the way up in dreamland, off the world, seemingly without nightmares, things to haunt him. Only peace and silence. It's a vulnerability that Lohen rarely sees, rarely experiences. He's not that familiar with it. Perhaps that's why he's afraid he'll shatter Illuga, were he to touch him while in this state.
He's been thinking for too long, because Illuga slowly opens his eyes, having woken up from his slumber. Once they focus, the first thing he sees is Lohen's hand so close to him.
He looked at it as if he read Lohen's thoughts in his sleep, as if he knew exactly what Lohen had tried to do. With a soft smile, face still full of sleep but being awake nevertheless, he reached for Lohen's hand, his thumb brushing over the scar at the center, and brought said hand to his face, nuzzling into it as if he was a touch starved cat finally getting attention after years of neglect. He didn't break, didn't shatter, didn't dissipate. He stayed, whole, complete. Lohen touched him in his still vulnerable state, and nothing but sweetness happened.
“Morning,” Illuga murmured, placing a kiss on the scar, being so, so gentle, so delicate. And he stayed the way he was. He wasn't poisoned, killed right on the spot. He placed another kiss on the exact same spot, and again, nothing was amiss. “Did you sleep well?”
“I should ask you that,” Lohen murmured, almost sounding baffled about the fact that his toxic touch did nothing to the man laying right next to him. “You looked so far gone.”
Illuga laughed a soft, gentle laugh, and Lohen felt like he was going to ascend upon hearing it. That laugh killed him. He's going to Celestia; both heaven and hell. Heaven because he was blessed with such a beautiful, perfect boyfriend, and hell for being whatever he himself was.
“I slept fine- really good, actually,” Illuga said honestly. “I don't think I've slept this well in a long while.”
“Is my presence that comforting?” Lohen meant it as a joke. There's in no way, shape or form that someone could feel comfortable around him. Illuga often looks like he is, but still, he couldn't truly be that.
“Yes,” the other hummed, fighting Lohen's inner thoughts once again. When Lohen just blinked at him, Illuga's smile widened. “Your body warmth is very comforting. Even though you quite literally dragged me to bed and wore me out beforehand, it's the warmth that puts me to sleep. I usually don't have something like that during the cold nights.” He glanced away from Lohen momentarily, just briefly eyeing the desk he'd been sitting at doing paperwork before Lohen had pulled him out of his seat like a Ragdoll and had taken him to bed. Usually, Illuga would put up much more of a fight, murmuring futile excuses and trying to return to the desk, but this was their first night back together, after Lohen had returned from Mondstadt, was required to spend at least one night at the Favonius Keep and only after that was he allowed to do as he pleaded, which obviously meant sharing a bed with his beloved again.
The light blue eyed drifted back to the dark blue and ruby ones, admiring the small spark of adoration they'd gotten. Whether Lohen knew that he had those sparkles or not, Illuga wouldn't even bother asking about. It was best if the other didn't know, or he'd try to force them away. As much as he’d love to keep staring at his boyfriend, Illuga had work to do. He spent just a couple of seconds looking at those beautiful eyes before he forced himself to look away and stretched his arms above him before throwing them back down on the bed, kept laying there for another few seconds, and he then sat up. “What do you want for breakfast?”
“You,”
Illuga snorted. “I think I still had enough of last night’s dinner,” He teased back, enjoying the way Lohen started to blush due to how he hadn’t expected Illuga's equally inappropriate response. “How about hash browns?”
Lohen regained himself before faintly nodding and humming. Of course Illuga would want to make something commonly eaten in his lover’s homeland. Illuga is his home, but so is Mondstadt. For some reason, Illuga tends to mix the two together into a perfectly harmonious thing that Lohen feels he doesn’t have the right to receive. Still, Illuga gives it. Illuga gives everything to him, both what he does and what he doesn’t deserve.
Perhaps Lohen just has yet to realise that he does deserve it all, despite the person he is.
He’s given a kiss, right on the birthmark on his face, and Illuga then gets up from bed.
Lohen can only watch him get dressed, and then leave the room. He keeps laying in bed, quietly, all alone.
Suddenly, he feels a weight on top of his head, and a peck right through his hair.
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up.” He grumbled as he forced himself out of bed, making Aedon fly up, and right before the nightingale goes to follow his owner, it chirps, as if to say ‘you better’.