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Karasu had a bad habit, nothing truly serious nor dangerous either, but it was not something he wanted to go around confessing out loud under any circumstance. However, there it was, existing with persistence, and that habit was that every time Otoya sent him a photo, an affectionate message, a silly complaint, or simply an “I love you, crow,” Karasu always answered first with what he really thought…
And then he deleted it.
Because his first impulse of thought was almost never something decent; Otoya could send him a selfie in an oversized shirt and boxers, lying on the apartment bed, with his white hair slightly messy and his green eyes half-closed, and Karasu’s first impulse would be to write, “I want you underneath me right now,” but then, obviously, he would delete it and write, “Rest a little, I’ll be there in an hour.”
Otoya could text him, “Today I wore your shirt because it smells like you,” and Karasu would first answer, “And I want to take it off you with my teeth,” but then he would delete it and answer, “Stop stealing my clothes, Eita!” All of that was like a perfectly safe and private system, it was so the sick part of his brain could come out, stretch like a nocturnal animal, and say barbarities, and then Karasu would take care of locking it very deep inside his mind again before Otoya could know about it.
However, accidents existed for a reason, and that night, sitting at his desk, far too tired from the entire week at the hospital, with his coffee cooling beside him and his notes open with no intention whatsoever of wanting to read them, Karasu discovered it in the worst possible way.
That night, Otoya had gone to get a couple of things from his own apartment, and he had not stopped sending photos to the crow since he arrived there, especially because he was wearing one of Karasu’s hoodies, shorts far too short to be considered decent, according to Karasu, and his lips shining with that damn lip balm that did nothing to help his expression of false calm. At the bottom of the last photo, he had written, “Do you miss me, crow?” and Karasu had to breathe a couple of times before he began to type.
He looked at the photo, at every detail of Otoya’s body, and his brain, weakened by exhaustion, lack of sleep, and the intensely indecent love he had for the albino, wrote almost automatically and without thinking too much. “I miss you so much that I want to have you here with me so I can put you on all fours and fuck you all night until I make you cry from pleasure,” he typed. Then he read it, blinked a couple of times, and decided it was time to delete it. Unfortunately, his treacherous finger touched the send button, and the message reached Otoya in the blink of an eye.
Karasu went completely still, staring at the screen with such overwhelming intensity that it was as if, with that simple gesture, he could turn back time to prevent that catastrophe. He stayed like that for about three seconds before his brain entered a state of alert, reacting all at once and throwing the phone as if someone had set the poor device on fire.
“FUCK.” He shouted before he could stop himself, standing up so fast that even the chair screeched against the floor.
Karasu ran a hand over his face, looking at the phone on his desk as if it were some kind of active bomb impossible to defuse. Because the worst part of all had not been sending that message, of course not. The worst part of all was that Otoya had already seen it the very instant it arrived, and the two blue check marks shining there with cruelty were rubbing it in Karasu’s face like a death sentence.
“No, no, no, goddammit! I’m a damn animal…” He rubbed his face with both hands, as if he wanted to erase the damn mistake through sheer desperate willpower. “He’s going to think I’m a pervert.”
Karasu began to pace around the room like a caged lion, feeling the heat of embarrassment begin to climb up his neck, watching how his dignity, that fragile construction he had spent years defending tooth and nail, had just been thrown out the window in the form of a horny message. Suddenly, his phone vibrated and Karasu stopped right where he was, freezing completely. He did not want to look at it, he did not want to see what Eita had answered, but he did it anyway.
“I want that too, crow ;) so badly that sometimes I can’t hold it in.” Otoya wrote, and Karasu felt the air begin to leave him. Then, almost instantly, another message from the albino arrived, saying, “But it makes me laugh that you finally dared to send me something like that. You always write things and then delete them. I thought this time you would do the same, but you really surprised me.” Karasu had to read Otoya’s message two more times, feeling his soul fall to the floor, before he could answer, “How do you know that?”
“Because you always take too long to answer and in the end you send something else as if you were a decent man, but I know you had something else hidden, my perverted little crow,” was Otoya’s reply, and Karasu had to sit down on the bed because, if not, he was sure his blood pressure was going to drop. “You’re unbearable,” he answered, and almost instantly Otoya replied with, “And you’re a pervert with too much self-control, Tabi -3- but I love you like that.”
Karasu looked at his phone screen with a strange mixture of humiliation and absurd infatuation before replying with, “I’m not a pervert,” to which Otoya answered almost immediately, “Then come and prove it to me, daddy,” and that was when Karasu had to take a deep breath before getting up from the bed to go grab his keys and head toward Otoya’s apartment, because sometimes losing a battle against the send button also tended to have its rewards.