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Erina stared at the calendar on the wall, sticking the end of the plumed pen in her mouth. She had dates for training exercises with new Wardens, dates for when the King summoned his closest companions for a night of dinner and games (Shale playing charades was a sight that made even Erina laugh), and dates for all sorts of functions with dignitaries and ambassadors and…
Something was missing.
Erina flipped the canvas back a page, to reflect the previous season of dates. She studied them carefully, searching for what she might be forgetting.
She found it.
“Oh, shit.”
Erina sat on the edge of her bed, counting dates.
It had been seven years since Erina had met Zevran. Six years and eleven months since they began sleeping together. Six years and two months since they admitted feelings for each other. Six years and one evening since they admitted the feelings were love.
Six years had passed since the end of the Blight. Two had passed since the debacle with the Architect. Four months passed since she watched her closest human friend disappear through a magic elf portal.
In the time since the Blight, Erina had been working as co-Commander of the Grey Wardens with a fellow recruit, Cecily Theirin nee Cousland. Erina worked with the rest of the Wardens to end a Civil War between the darkspawn while Zevran fought the Crows in Antiva for his freedom.
Counting down on her fingers, Erina closed in on the current time. In the past two years, Zevran had been around more often than not, though the two of them took occasional vacations to escape the monotony of duty and responsibility. On their last trip, six months ago (gods, they were due for another one), they ran out of their alchemical method of contraception. They both decided to take the risk, arguing that Grey Wardens are not prone to pregnancy at any rate. Yet their use of the contraception had faded even after their return, and Erina had to wonder what they thought would happen.
Maybe it didn’t matter, she decided. Maybe they both accepted this was a possibility, and it didn’t horrify either of them. Maybe…
Erina swallowed hard and grit her teeth. This changed everything. As much as Zevran trumpeted his comfort with change and the unexpected, she had no way of knowing if he would live true to his word on something like this.
Erina winced as her fingers pinched at the skin of her belly. Her abdomen looked the same as it always had to her, a pleasant slope of tissue guarding layers of muscle, though a few scars had been added over the years. She squinted at her form in the mirror, visually tracing the hills of her small breasts and broad shoulders to the valleys of her waist, ending at the thick muscle and fat of her hips and backside.
Erina sucked in a sudden breath, dramatically extending her abdomen as she appraised herself in the mirror. Her palms came to rest on the taut skin there, imagining what it would feel like months down the road, when she could feel a life inside of her.
A knock came at the door, followed by an abrupt entry. Erina breathed the air out and put her hands on her hips, glaring at the intruder.
“Whoa, Maker!” Alistair shrieked, holding his arm over his eyes. “Why are you naked?”
“In my own room?” Erina drawled, rolling her eyes. “Hold on.”
“Ceci’s gonna kill me,” he whined as he entered and closed the door behind himself.
Erina pulled on her casual wear and began lacing her boots before telling him, “It’s safe now. And no she’s not. But you should learn the art of waiting after you knock, Your Grace.”
Alistair lowered his armor-clad arm tentatively. “You think being the King is getting to my head?”
She laughed and patted his plated belly. “I think it’s more likely getting to your middle.”
He pouted. “You’re so mean.”
“That’s why you married the nice one,” Erina winked at him.
“Speaking of marriage…”
“No,” she said quickly, harsher than she intended. “We’re not speaking of anything like that. What did you come here for?”
Alistair narrowed his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Alistair. How can I help you?”
“Is everything okay with Zevran?”
“We’re fine. Andraste’s tits, Alistair, what do you want?”
The King held his arms up defensively. “All right, sheesh! I just wanted to let you know that we’re having an impromptu feast tonight. Leliana has dropped into town on the way to some secret mission, you know how she is. You will come?”
She groaned. “A fancy party?”
“The fanciest!”
“Fine, fine. I’ll find something to wear. At sundown?”
Alistair grinned. “We look forward to your company. Oh, and Zevran’s, of course. No party is fancy without him around.”
Erina laughed. “Did you see him around out there?”
“He just finished running drills with some of the knife-wielding recruits. He said he’d be up soon.”
“Good,” Erina smiled. “Then get out so I can get naked again.”
“Ack!” Alistair threw his hands up and scurried out the door.
Zevran’s mouth was doing delightful things down the front of Erina’s torso, but Erina’s mind was far, far away. As his tongue dipped into her navel, a cold tendril of fear wrapped around her spine. She knew he felt her body go just a little too rigid; he was too damned observant to miss it.
He shifted his position atop her to lie at her side, head tilted in concern. “Did I do something wrong?”
Erina tried to play it off casually. “No, Zev. It’s not you. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Mmm. Planning your outfit for the gala this evening? I understand.” His smirk conveyed his disbelief.
“You think you know me so well, huh?”
“Well enough for my tastes,” he agreed.
“I may surprise you one day.”
Zevran grinned. “I look forward to that day.”
Erina swallowed the lump in her throat. She certainly hoped so.
The meal was spectacular. Cecily and Alistair had the best cooks in town, because they hired people who loved cooking and paid them a fair wage. And, you know, they were the King and Queen of Ferelden.
The group (Alistair, Cecily, Zevran, Leliana, and Erina) had gathered near the enormous ornate fireplace in the grand dining hall. Leliana had stepped away for a refill of her drink after regaling them for hours with tales of her travels in the past year.
In the lull, Erina took a slow sip at her own wine, fighting the urge to swallow the whole damned thing. She had been nursing the same goblet all night, hoping nobody would take notice.
Leliana returned with a refilled goblet of wine, stopping at the armrest of Erina and Zevran’s shared couch. She leaned over to Erina, smiling. “You are looking wonderful, my friend.”
Erina snorted. “You’re looking quite well yourself. Seems traveling and espionage suit you better than the cloister after all.”
“I still say my prayers,” Leliana winked. “Still, though. There is something… magnificent about you tonight. You have a certain, oh… glow about you, no?”
“I’m sure that’s just the fire,” Erina said shortly.
“You must forgive her,” Zevran interjected, “she has never accepted compliments with any amount of grace, regardless of how true they are.”
Leliana’s narrowed her eyes at Erina, a silent appraisal that included a glance down at the goblet Erina held quickly, and Erina was on-edge enough to see it all unfold. The hardness in her stare must have told Leliana to back off, because she rose from the armrest and wandered to their royal companions instead.
“Cecily, darling, you must tell me what you have done with your hair.”
The girls began chattering about things that Erina would not have understood on a good day, but she was distracted by Zevran’s hand finding her own. He leaned against her, so that others could not hear.
“What disturbs you?”
Erina closed her eyes, taking a slow, shallow breath. Fear waited at the gates of her thoughts, but her stubbornness kept it at bay. For now. Instead, she cleared her throat and looked apologetically to Leliana and the Theirins.
“I’m sorry, I’m not feeling terribly well. I think I may retire early,” she shifted in her seat, then rose.
“Oh dear,” Cecily pouted. “Was it the food?”
“No,” Erina smiled politely. “It’s just been a long week and I’m feeling a bit under the weather. Leliana, it was lovely to see you. I hope you’ll be around for a bit?”
Leliana nodded. “I will be in town for a few days. I will take you to an Orlesian-style bakery for lunch before I leave.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Erina breathed a short sigh of relief. “Thank you all for a nice evening, but I’m going to go to bed.”
She began her retreat without a second glance. She heard Zevran speaking quietly to the group, and just before she rounded a corner to find the large exit doors, she heard Leliana issue a command.
“You really should be with her.”
Dammit, Lel.
Erina nodded to the guards at the doors, who let her out. For a moment, she stared at the torch-lit path out of the estate and back to the home she had in Denerim, and her legs quivered with adrenaline that would have sent her running, never looking back.
But instead, she sank to the ground at the top of the stairs to the castle and waited.
Soft, leather-bound footsteps padded out behind her, and increased once Zevran saw her state.
“Erina!” he called, jogging down a couple stairs so that he could stop in front of her. He knelt before her, placing his hands on her legs. “Are you hurt?”
She looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but concern and alarm for the way she had been acting, and tears welled in her eyes. But if she hadn’t run… maybe he wouldn’t either. Either way, she needed to know, though it terrified her more than she could express.
“My love, talk to me?” he was pleading with her, and it made the knife in her gut twist until she could bear it no longer.
“Zevran, I’m pregnant,” she blurted, looking him straight in the eyes though her vision was clouded by a teary mist.
He blinked. “You’re…”
“Pregnant,” she said again, urgent to finish the conversation.
Zevran’s golden eyes glimmered in the firelight outside the estate. Her tears collected into drops, clearing her vision just long enough to see his go cloudy with his own emotion.
“Erina,” he began, his words clearly failing him.
“I know,” she whispered. “I… I don’t know what to say either. I’m sorry? I didn’t mean… I didn’t think this could… And I didn’t know what to do, so I’ve just…”
Zevran’s hands found her cheeks, and their warmth brought a moment of peace to her racing thoughts. His eyes were suddenly just before hers, and his teary grin was clear and inescapable.
“This is amazing,” he said softly. “I… I am to be a father? Truly?”
Erina nodded weakly, finding that air was finally reaching her lungs again. “If you want to be.”
“I believe my desires are what got us into this place, yes?” Zevran’s grin only grew, and it was becoming contagious.
“Yes,” she admitted, letting out a consternated sigh. “That is how babies are made, Zevran.”
He laughed shortly before pulling her to him. He kissed her tenderly, but he was almost abuzz with excitement and joy against her. As Zevran pulled away, he shook his head and made a ‘tsk’ sound.
“Why did you hide this from me?” he asked, brushing her hair behind her ear.
“I thought… I thought you might leave. It’s a huge commitment, and… hells, I don’t even know if I’m ready for it. How could I ask you to commit to something like this?”
Zevran chuckled. “You never had to ask, Erina. I made my oath to you in speech the day we met, and with my heart the day I gave you my ring. Who is, as you say, ‘the idiot’ now?”
Erina glowered at him, but her chest was too full of joy to keep the smile off her face. “Would it please you to hear me admit it?”
“Oh, very much,” Zevran nodded.
She groaned. “Fine. I’m the idiot.”
“Warms my bones,” he sighed happily.
“Shut up and kiss me again,” Erina demanded.
“Work, work, work,” he purred, acquiescing to her request. A few moments passed, and a guard cleared his throat awkwardly at the foot of the stairs.
“Shove it, Bernard,” Erina called as she broke from their embrace.
Zevran held her hands in his, smiling in the firelight of the torches. “I love you, Erina. And I will love whoever it is we have created. I will always do my best for you. Things in our lives may change, but please… know this very moment that these truths are not open for debate.”
Erina nodded, swallowing the pleasant lump in her throat. “I do. I know. And I… I hope you know…”
He nodded, smiling. “I do. Fret not, my dear Warden. I believe it is time for you to get home and get some rest.”
Erina’s smile tweaked at one side, becoming a smirk. “I don’t know… Perhaps I need a bit more tiring out first.”
“You are truly a taskmaster,” Zevran declared, rising to his feet and pulling her with him. “You know you must tell your friends.”
“Ugh,” Erina groaned as they descended the stairs together. “I need an orgasm or three before I can even fathom sitting through that amount of celebration.”
The guard from before cleared his throat again, louder this time, but Erina paid Bernard no mind.