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The first time it happened was a surprise to the both of them. No words were exchanged. Mickey had simply stopped the swing of the tire iron before he brought it down on Ian’s head, and when Ian had turned to look at what made him stop, he had been surprised by what he saw in Mickey’s eyes.
That was until they were ripping each other's clothes off, hands frantically grabbing at skin.
When they finished they both fell back on Mickey’s bed, breathing heavily. Ian looked over at Mickey’s face, trying to catch his eye, but he had them closed. He wasn’t completely sure that had actually just happened. He certainly hadn’t expected that from Mickey when he came to get the gun. He wished he knew what the fuck was running through the other boy’s head at that moment. Mickey still refused to look at him but his body seemed relaxed and sated.
“That was-” Ian started to say, but then the door swung open and he felt Mickey’s body tense up as stiff as a board. The two of them held their breath as Terry walked past them. Ian glanced over again briefly at Mickey, hoping to follow his lead but his eyes didn’t leave the spot where his dad had disappeared into the bathroom. If Ian had been making a risky decision confronting Mickey in his own home, getting caught in bed with him by Terry Milkovich was another level. He got ready to run as fast as possible if he had to, his clothes be damned.
Terry walked back into the room, seemingly oblivious until he paused to look. Ian could feel his heartbeat in his throat.
“Put some clothes on you two look like a couple of fags!”
Ian heard Mickey let out a shaky breath as soon as his dad was out of the room.
“Close one, huh?” Ian said with a small chuckle. Mickey didn’t laugh. He didn’t say anything at all. He didn’t even look at Ian, just got up out of the bed and started throwing Ian’s clothes in his direction. Pulling his own pants back on while staring at the floor.
“That was fun,” Ian tried again, hoping to get some indication of how the other boy felt. Still nothing.
They dressed in silence. Ian now felt awkward as Mickey continued to keep his back turned. Mickey then pulled something out of a drawer and Kash’s gun was thrown onto the bed. Ian had almost forgotten that was the reason he had come to the Milkovich house in the first place. He had been ready to take a Milkovich beating for Kash’s gun but now he almost told Mickey to keep it.
Ian thought there was something in that gesture. It was kinder than he had expected Mickey Milkovich to be, even if he was still avoiding looking Ian in the eye, and even if he brushed off Ian’s attempt at a kiss with the threat of violence.
Mickey left the room quickly and Ian stared at the gun. Mickey was not the type of person to easily give up the things he had won. Ian had only ever known him to take what he wanted without giving a shit. Ian picked up the gun and put it in his waistband, knowing in some small way this was Mickey giving in.
-
Ian had assumed it would be a one time thing. Even though Mickey had let him take back the gun, he had also basically ignored Ian from the second they finished having sex. Even though the sex had been good, like, really good, Ian had just accepted that Mickey was probably never going to speak to him again.
So when Mickey strolled back into the Kash & Grab while Ian was working and came right up to him with a flimsy excuse and a suggestive look in his eye, Ian nearly launched himself off over the counter in excitement. As much as Ian had liked getting attention and free stuff from Kash, there was something much more exciting and fun about this new thing with Mickey. With Kash there was always a little bit of guilt and sadness when he had to face Linda or their kids, but with Mickey he didn’t have to feel guilty about anything.
Ian locked the door and led Mickey to the back of the store. He felt like there was a buzzing under his skin from the anticipation of it all.
“Thanks for the gun by the way,” Ian said once the walk-in’s door was closed.
“Whatever,” Mickey said gruffly, throwing his scarf to the side and shrugging off his jacket.
“It’s nice to see you again,” Ian said and Mickey stopped undressing to glare daggers at him.
“We’re not doing that shit.”
“What shit?” Ian asked.
“Gay shit.” Ian rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like they were about to have gay sex or anything.
“So how was your day?” Ian asked.
“Just shut the fuck up and take off your pants,” Mickey snapped, reaching forward to start unbuckling Ian’s belt. Ian dropped it. He was pretty horny and he didn’t want Mickey to get scared and run off before they could get on with things. He shut his mouth and reached forward to start undoing Mickey's pants.
This fuck was quicker than the first time. Mickey was rushing Ian along. Ian wasn’t too bothered about it, still feeling a rush he hadn’t ever felt before during sex. Mickey mostly kept the noises to a minimum, just some heavy breathing and the occasional grunt. Then, as Ian picked up the pace, getting closer to his release, he heard it.
“So good.” Mickey breathed it out more than he spoke it, but Ian heard it and it sent a jolt all the way through him. He picked up his pace a little and heard Mickey bite back a groan. He couldn’t hold back his smile. There was something about Mickey Milkovich, one of the toughest and most feared kids on the Southside, coming apart thanks to Ian that he couldn’t help but love.
They both finished quickly after that, and after only a moment Mickey pushed Ian away, leaning against crates of orange juice and Gatorade to catch his breath.
“That was fun,” Ian said, unable to stop the grin blooming across his face. Mickey looked at him and Ian swore he could see the corner of the other boy’s mouth twitch up as well.
“Yeah, sure,” Mickey grumbled and then busied himself with putting his coat back on.
Ian had a million things he wanted to say and a million questions he wanted to ask, but Mickey was avoiding his eye again. They finished dressing in silence and then Mickey followed Ian through the store to be let out the front. Ian wanted to play it cool so badly, but he needed something from Mickey. Anything at all to try and figure out what was going on in the other boy’s head.
“So this was like a booty call?” He heard himself asking, hoping he didn’t sound too lame.
“Whatever. See ya,” Mickey replied, as nonchalant as ever.
Ian watched him walk away and his face once again broke out into an involuntary grin. “See ya” meant that this was going to happen again. As he went back to work the excitement in his gut slowly started to twist into a feeling of dread, because those two little words had made him happier than they should have. He knew that this thing with Mickey had an expiration date, and there was no use in developing any sort of attachment, but the way Mickey had whispered “so good” while they were having sex lingered in Ian’s ears and he knew that he wanted to hear it again.
-
Ian would be lying if he said he didn’t get a bit excited when the door to the Milkovich house swung open and Mickey was standing in front of him. Mickey’s eyebrows shot up to the top of his head when he saw Ian, and then they came together in a scowl.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Mickey growled, his eyes darting around behind Ian. Scanning the street for anyone who might be around.
“I’m supposed to hang with Mandy,” Ian said.
“Oh,” Mickey said. “Right.” Mickey’s posture seemed to relax slightly, although he was still blocking the door with his arms crossed, staring at Ian with an unreadable expression.
“She home?” Ian asked.
“Nah,” Mickey replied, he was avoiding looking Ian in the eyes as he so often did.
“Well can I wait for her?” Ian asked, feeling slightly irritated. Every time he tried to have a conversation with Mickey it was like pulling teeth.
“Do whatever you want man,” Mickey said, turning and walking away from the door. Ian followed and went to sit down on the Milkovich couch. He had expected Mickey to leave him be, but instead he was hovering just on the edge of the living room, looking extremely out of place considering it was his own house.
“You two still dating?” Mickey asked, his eyes flicking up from the floor, to Ian, before firmly staying put on the floor again.
“Technically yes,” Ian said.
“Does she know?” Mickey asked, his voice getting quieter.
“About us? ‘Course not.” Mickey’s shoulders tensed again and he looked at Ian with an ice cold glare.
“No dumbass, about you bein’ a fag,” he snapped.
“Oh,” Ian said. “Yeah, she knows.”
“So she’s fine having a queer ass boyfriend?” Mickey asked.
“We’re friends,” Ian said. “I help keep the real creeps away from her and she helps me lay low at school.” An understanding crossed Mickey’s face and he gave a small nod.
“Smart,” Mickey said. He reached into his pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes and put one between his teeth. Ian tried not to stare at Mickey’s lips as he lit the cig and took his first drag. Ian failed.
“Mandy’s idea,” he said after a second. “She was actually really cool about the gay thing.” Ian tried to keep any type of implication out of his voice as he said it. He knew there was no way that Mickey would tell Mandy anything, no matter how accepting she was. He was pretty sure Mickey hadn’t even come out as gay in his own head, let alone said the words out loud. Still, Ian wanted Mickey to know that he might have someone in his corner at home.
“You think she’d be really cool if she found out her gay boyfriend was fucking her brother behind her back?” Mickey asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Fair point,” Ian conceded.
Mickey took another drag of his cigarette. He tilted his head down and looked at Ian from under his long, dark eyelashes. He had the same smirk that he had given Ian the other day at the Kash and Grab. It made Ian’s stomach do a summersault.
“When you working next?” Mickey asked.
“Tomorrow after school. My shift starts at 3pm.” Ian couldn’t help but smile, already excited about another repeat of the last time Mickey stopped by his work. “See you then?”
To his surprise, Mickey also smiled. Not a big one, no teeth or anything, but a smile. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen Mickey smile before. As fast as it had appeared Mickey turned his head to look at the wall before answering Ian’s question.
“I might stop by. Might need another slim jim.” Ian couldn’t help but let out a laugh.
Just then, the door swung open and Mandy came barging in. Mickey jumped like they had been caught in the act and not like they were having a conversation on opposite sides of the living room.
“Sorry I’m late,” She said to Ian as she brushed past Mickey to flop on the couch with her head in Ian’s lap. “Mr. Hollett was totally on my ass after class because I failed that last physics test. Like I give a shit how fucking fast a brick falls off a roof or whatever.”
“No biggie,” Ian said. He chanced a glance at Mickey and saw him roll his eyes.
“I know we’re supposed to study, but I would much rather get high and watch Spongebob,” Mandy looked up at Ian with a cute little pout and he let out a laugh.
“Sure, sounds good to me. Who gives a shit about Macbeth anyway.”
From his spot across the room Mickey let out a snort.
“Why are you here?” Mandy asked, sitting up to glare at her brother. “Don’t you have paint cans to be huffing or something? Can I please have some alone time with my boyfriend.”
“Whatever,” Mickey said. “Try not to get knocked up by Gallagher’s micropenis.” He called over his shoulder as he walked towards his room. Mandy took off her shoe and threw it at him.
“Sorry about him. I hope he wasn’t too much of a prick to you while you waited.”
Ian shrugged, using all his willpower not to stare off in the direction of Mickey’s room. “He was but it’s fine.”
-
Mickey came by the Kash and Grab the next day and Ian was starting to wonder if this was going to become a regular routine. They were putting their clothes back on in silence, Ian expecting Mickey to leave as soon as possible, but instead Mickey leaned against the shelf behind him and pulled a pack of cigs out of his pocket.
“You can’t smoke in here,” Ian said without too much conviction behind it.
“Fuck off,” Mickey said, putting the cig between his lips and lighting it. “You the only one working here now?”
“Huh?”
“The fucking guy. Kash and Grab. He not around anymore?” Mickey asked.
“Nah he is, but his wife is blackmailing him into having another kid so he’s pretty busy with that.”
“Blackmailing?” Mickey asked with a small chuckle. “Good for her. What he do?”
“Well, she caught us together,” Ian answered and Mickey’s eyebrows shot so far up his forehead Ian thought they might disappear.
“You two were fucking?” Mickey sounded shocked. Ian kind of liked surprising the other boy. Mickey Milkovich wasn’t easily phased, and Ian felt a sick thrill at being the one to throw him off his game. “Didn’t know you were a fan of geriatric dick.”
“He’s not that old,” Ian protested.
“He’s married.”
“So?” Ian shrugged.
“That’s fucked,” Mickey said shaking his head. Ian was suddenly pissed.
“You have no right to judge me or him alright? I’m just as much your secret as his.” Mickey’s expression turned sour and he threw his cigarette on the floor, crushing it under his boot.
“Whatever man. Do whatever the fuck you want with your life I don’t give a shit.” Mickey grabbed his coat and left the walk in. Ian didn’t bother to follow him.
After a minute he started to regret snapping at Mickey, but he also didn't know why the other boy would care who he fucked. Maybe this was it. Maybe that was the last time he was going to see Mickey. He tried to brush it off. He had been telling himself from the moment their thing started that it most likely wasn’t going to last. Linda would probably get knocked up soon and then he could go back to fucking Kash the way things were before.
Except as Ian thought more about fucking Kash, he didn’t feel the excitement he used to. Instead that feeling had been replaced by an uncomfortable itch beneath his skin, like the time their place got infested with bedbugs.
“Shit,” he said to himself, banging his own head on the shelf behind him. When he closed his eyes Kash was nowhere near the front of his mind. Instead he saw a dark haired, blue eyed boy smirking at him. He wanted to punch something. He could not have feelings for Mickey Milkovich.
-
Ian once again found himself standing on the front porch of the Milkovich house, holding his breath. This time he knew Mandy would be out of the house and he was really hoping it would be Mickey who opened the door and not one of their brothers. Mickey hadn’t been back to the Kash and Grab for days. Ian knew it was probably a little stupid and crazy to go looking for him. They weren’t dating, they weren’t even really friends, but he had a gnawing feeling in his stomach when he thought back to their last conversation. He didn’t think he was going to feel right until he cleared the air in some way.
Thankfully it was Mickey who opened the door. His brow was furrowed and his mouth pressed into a hard line.
“Mandy ain’t here,” he grumbled and then started to close the door. Ian held out a hand to stop him.
“I’m here for you,” he said. Mickey’s head whipped around to look over his shoulder, before shoving Ian back with a hand on his chest and closing the door behind him.
“You can’t fucking say shit like that here,” he hissed. “Get lost Gallagher.”
“I just wanted to apologize,” Ian said, sounding more desperate than he wanted to. Mickey stopped for a second and looked at him. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Mickey looked away. Ian was always hoping Mickey would look him in the eyes and Mickey was always avoiding them. It was those brief moments when their gaze connected that Ian clung onto for dear life.
“You wanna apologize to me?” Mickey asked like Ian had proposed they try to swim across Lake Michigan. Ian shrugged, a smile threatening to break out on his face. Mickey chewed his lip and looked behind him again at his house. “One second,” he said, and went back inside. He came back a moment later wearing shoes and a coat. He walked past Ian and down the steps of his house. Ian was waiting for his brain to catch up with what was happening when Mickey turned around and gave him an annoyed look. “You coming or what?”
Ian followed Mickey as he walked off at a clipped pace. He wasn’t sure where they were going, and Mickey wasn’t saying another word to him, so Ian just walked next to him, matching his steps. They eventually ended up in a quiet corner under the L. Mickey stood there with his arms crossed.
“So?” He asked expectantly.
“So what?”
“Jesus Christ, are you apologizing or not?” Mickey said, rolling his eyes extra hard. Ian had been so surprised that Mickey had agreed to speak with him that he forgot what he came to do.
“Right. Yeah. Look, I am sorry if you were offended by what I said the other day.”
Mickey’s brow furrowed. “That’s it?”
Ian shifted uncomfortably. “Can we just forget about it alright? Go back to how it was before?”
Mickey shook his head, looking off to the side before hawking up and spitting off to the side. Ian really wished he could find it gross instead of endearing.
“Don’t compare me to that motherfucker again,” Mickey said, still looking off to the side.
“I won’t,” Ian said softly. He felt the tension that had been held tight between them release. Mickey kicked absently at a rock in front of him. Ian felt the sudden urge to reach out and touch him. To wrap his arms around him in a hug and to press their faces together closely. Ian wasn’t stupid though, and he didn’t have a death wish, so he kept his distance. “I haven’t slept with him since…” Ian trailed off.
“Since what?” Mickey asked, his voice surprisingly free of his usual animosity.
“Since, y’know, we…” Ian gestured between them, afraid to say anything too damning even if there was no one around.
“Yeah well, what do I care? Bang whoever you want,” Mickey said, still kicking at the gravel in front of him. Ian was sure his mind was playing ticks on him, but it almost sounded like Mickey did care. Every time they interacted Ian saw a different side to Mickey, and every side made him want to go deeper and learn more.
“I’m working this weekend if you want to stop by,” he said.
Mickey wasn’t so bold as to smile, but Ian noticed the scowl he had been sporting relaxed slightly. “Yeah alright, see you then.”
He walked back in the direction of his house, knocking his shoulder into Ian as he passed, then he turned around to flip him off with a smirk. Ian didn’t even try to hold back his grin.
-
Mickey had visited the Kash and Grab three times that weekend. Once on Saturday and twice on Sunday. Ian probably should have been worried about the number of times he locked up the store but he could not bring himself to care once his hands were on Mickey. It was becoming a real problem how much he enjoyed their time together, and not just because of the sex.
He liked just looking at Mickey. He found himself savouring the few minutes after they fucked when Mickey would put his clothes on and steal a beer or smoke a cig in the back room. Ian was starting to see past the hardened Milkovich criminal that had been causing chaos all over the South Side for years. There were moments when Mickey was quiet and still, maybe even calm, and Ian once again found himself wishing he was a mind reader because he wanted to know what was going through Mickey’s head in those moments.
Maybe that’s why he asked questions he knew Mickey wasn’t likely to answer. Even just studying the slight differences in his reactions gave Ian a little bit more information about the mystery of Mickey. Or maybe it was just that Ian was just a little bit dumb and incapable of holding his stupid tongue.
“Am I the first guy you’ve been with?”
Mickey looked at him, brow in his usual furrow, and Ian thought for a minute that he was going to leave without a word.
“You think I’m a fucking thirteen year old girl losing her virginity here?” Mickey snapped.
“Who?” Ian asked and Mickey rolled his eyes. Ian was starting to learn that of Mickey’s annoyed expressions, an eyeroll wasn’t all that serious. “Anyone I know?”
“No asswipe. And even if you did, I wouldn't tell you.”
“Why? I’ll tell you.”
“I already know about you fucking Kash and Grab.”
“Yeah but you don’t know about Roger Spikey.”
Mickey scrunched up his face in confusion. “Who the fuck is Roger Spikey?”
Ian shrugged. “Just a guy I used to have sex with.”
“Well congratu-fucking-lations. What do I care?” Mickey said. Ian knew he should probably shut up at this point, but Mickey still didn’t seem like he was going to leave and his damn mouth had no filter.
“Fuck anyone else recently? Y’know, since we started-”
“And what would it matter if I had, huh? That’s not what this thing is, Gallagher and you know it.” Mickey snapped.
“I know,” Ian said calmly. He was starting to overanalyze every word Mickey said to an embarrassing degree. “If I had” sounded theoretical, and Ian was going to take that win even if it made him delusional. “So how did you know you were gay?”
“Who said I’m gay?” Mickey responded. There was a playful glint in his eye as he said it, finally looking at Ian like they were sharing an inside joke. Maybe they were.
Ian gave Mickey an unimpressed look. “My dick, when it was in your ass a minute ago.” Mickey let out a snort and turned his head away from Ian, it was almost something close to a laugh and it made Ian chuckle. He wasn’t so desperate that he was counting the minutes he spent with Mickey, but he was pretty sure this was the longest post-sex conversation they’d had yet. Mickey looked down at his shoe and started picking at the sole where the rubber was cracking.
“You know that no one is gay in this neighbourhood. If you try to be you’re either stupid or suicidal,” Mickey mumbled, the joking from a moment ago completely gone from his voice.
Ian did know. It struck him that he and Mickey may be similar in more ways that he had thought. Ways that should have been obvious.
“You ever think about leaving?” Ian asked. Mickey looked at him and the scowl had returned. The walls had been built back up.
“Enough of your fucking fairytales Gallagher.” The question had clearly been a bridge too far. Mickey stood up quickly and walked out of the room.
-
It never ceased to give Ian a thrill when he was able to run into Mickey. It was pretty easy to do considering he spent most of the time he wasn’t working with Mandy, and even when he was working Mickey always seemed to appear. It almost seemed too easy the way Mickey could stroll into the Milkovich house and Ian could pretend like he needed to use the bathroom and he could be alone with Mickey in his bedroom in seconds.
Mickey looked up at Ian casually from his spot sitting on his bed.
“What do you think you’re doing here?” He asked.
Ian shut the door quickly. “Oh please like you weren’t giving fuck me eyes as soon as you got home.”
Mickey’s eyes widened just a little at Ian’s blunt words and he counted it as another win. The other boy quickly composed himself, his nonchalant mask back up in full force.
“That what you think is going on Gallagher?” Mickey asked, looking anywhere but Ian’s face.
“I know what’s going on.”
Ian surged forward and pushed Mickey’s shoulders back roughly so he was half laying on the bed, leaning back on his elbows. Ian felt a rush go through him as he stood in front of the bed looking down at Mickey. They hadn’t had a chance to fuck in a real bed since the first time, and Ian was getting real excited about the idea.
“The fuck...” Mickey started to protest but his voice trailed off as he looked up at Ian and their eyes met.
Ian stripped his shirt off quickly and Mickey did the same. He was still holding Ian’s gaze and the look was going straight to Ian’s dick. He had spent the last couple weeks desperate for even the tiniest sip of Mickey’s blue eyes and now he felt like he was drowning in them. He didn’t even bother waiting for Mickey to get his pants all the way off before he shoved his hand down Mickey’s pants and wrapped his fingers around his cock.
Mickey’s head dropped backwards at the touch, letting out a shaky breath and Ian started to work him over. Ian had never been able to see Mickey’s face like this before. The other boy was always quick to turn his back and bow his head. Ian raked his eyes up Mickey’s chest and up his neck, watching his pulse jump and the muscles in his neck tense. He stared at Mickey’s mouth, open slightly, his tongue flicking out over his bottom lip. Ian wanted nothing more than to lean forward and close the gap between them, to take Mickey’s bottom lip in his mouth and kiss him senseless, but he knew doing that would end this whole thing.
So instead Ian used his free hand to push Mickey all the way back until he was flat on his back. He leaned forward, grinding his own erection against Mickey’s leg to try and get some release.
“Jesus fuck,” Mickey let out a low groan and his hand shot up to the back of Ian’s head, tangling into his hair. His other hand went to Ian’s ass, encouraging him to grind down harder. Ian smiled next to Mickey’s neck.
Ian couldn't help himself. He was a man possessed and he bit down on Mickey’s shoulder hard. Mickey let out a groan that he failed to stifle.
“You gonna fuck me or what Gallagher?” He asked, breathing hard.
It didn't take another word for Ian to stand up and quickly take off his pants. Mickey was shoving his own pants down to his ankles and frantically reaching into his nightstand for his lube and a condom.
Ian kept one hand firmly on Mickey's chest as he hovered over him and slowly entered him with one finger. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Mickey had never let them fuck face to face like this and Ian was sure it would end any minute now. He stared intently at Mickey’s face. Trying to memorize every twitch of every muscle. He catalogued the sheen of sweat on his forehead and the stubble on his chin.
It only took a minute of Ian fingering him before Mickey was biting his lip hard and pushing back onto him looking for more. Ian was happy to give him more.
Ian grabbed one of Mickey's legs and hitched it up onto his shoulder. Mickey's eyes flew open with surprise, he opened his mouth to say something Ian was sure would be a complaint, but he didn't give Mickey the opportunity before he was sinking fully inside him. The moan that Mickey let out was nothing short of pornographic and Ian suddenly remembered that Mandy was on the other side of the door. He moved his hand from Mickey's chest to cover his mouth and watched as Mickey’s eyes rolled back in his head. Mickey had become putty in Ian’s hands and there was nothing like it. Nothing that compared to this feeling.
Mickey reached down to grab his own cock and the sight of it made Ian lose control, his thrusts became frantic and before he knew it they were both cumming.
Mickey still had his eyes closed when Ian rolled off of him. There was a satisfied smile across his face and Ian wished he could take a picture. Mickey had never looked better than he did then. Sprawled out across the bed naked and spent. The voice in the back of his mind reminded him that Mandy was probably going to be wondering where he was so he started putting his clothes back on.
Mickey cracked an eye open when Ian was putting on his shoes.
“Gotta get back to studying,” Ian said.
“Sure man,” Mickey said, leaning over to grab a cigarette.
Ian composed himself as he joined Mandy back in the living room, coming up with some excuse to explain why he took so long.
He was shocked when just a moment later Mickey appeared, squeezing himself into the couch right next to Ian and stealing the controller out of his hand. Their whole sides were pressed up against each other. Ian could still smell the faint scent of sweat and sex coming off him.
He realized as he watched Mickey and Mandy play video games that they had somehow become his two favorite people.
-
It was dark and cold and Ian was closing up the shop by himself as he so often did since Linda had found out about him and Kash, not that they were really a thing anymore. His conversations with his boss had remained awkward and professional. Ian hadn’t said it out loud, but he knew in his mind things with Kash were done for good. Especially when his thing with Mickey had been going so well.
Ian quickly fumbled with the key as he locked up, looking forward to getting home so he could eat a real meal and take a warm shower. He suddenly heard the shuffle of feet behind him and he tensed up, ready to fight off whatever derelict was trying some shit with him tonight. However, when he turned around he found that he was face to face with his favorite derelict.
“Mickey? What are you doing here?” Ian asked, unable to keep his excitement out of his voice.
“What? You got something better to do Gallagher?” Mickey shrugged. It didn't answer Ian’s question but in a way it did. Ian had learned when Mickey didn't say something, it could actually say a lot.
“What do you have in mind?” Ian responded.
“Got some of the good weed off Colin. You want in?”
“Yeah, all right,” Ian said as casually as possible. Mickey quickly swallowed down a smile, but Ian saw it first.
He followed Mickey down the street until they ended up at a very sorry excuse for a playground. Ian sat down on the one swing that was still intact as Mickey took a running start and climbed up the slide, jumping up on the top of the play structure with a hop. Ian let out a laugh. Mickey seemed so young as he grabbed onto the Fireman's pole and slid down to the ground. It was easy to forget sometimes that they were just two teenaged boys in a fucked up neighborhood, but tonight Ian felt carefree.
“I think I was promised weed,” Ian teased.
“Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a bunch.” Mickey pulled out a joint and stuck it between his lips.
“So how was your day?” Ian asked as Mickey lit the joint.
“Whatever man,” Mickey said, blowing smoke as he spoke and passing the joint over to Ian. He couldn't help but notice the way their fingers brushed when it was passed off.
“You know my favourite part of hanging out is definitely our stimulating conversation,” Ian said with as much sarcasm as possible. Mickey shot a glare his way, but he couldn't stop the corner of his mouth twitching up when Ian gave him a cheeky smile. Every day he got a little bit closer to cracking that hard exterior and he was determined to keep chipping away.
“I slept til noon, I jerked off, I watched TV and now I’m smoking with you,” Mickey said.
“You jerked off huh?”
“That’s really all you heard?”
Ian took another hit of the joint, taking note of the fact that Mickey hadn't tried to take it back yet. He blamed the weed for the fact that he decided to ask his next question. “What do you think about when you jerk off?”
“The fuck man?” Mickey protested.
“Just curious!”
“I’m not fucking telling you!”
“Why not?”
“Cause you’re a fucking creep that’s why,” Mickey grumbled and yanked the joint out of Ian’s hand. Ian couldn't miss the way the tips of Mickey's ears turned red. Another point for him in the weird tally he was taking of what could rattle Mickey Milkovich.
“My day was great thanks for asking,” Ian said.
“Fuck off,” Mickey snapped back.
They smoked in silence for a moment. Ian was kind of surprised Mickey wasn't trying to stick his hand down his pants yet. They didn't usually spend this much time together before things turned sexy. It was kind of nice though and Ian found himself wanting it to stay the way it was.
“You ever shotgunned before?” Ian broke the silence.
“Weed?” Mickey asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah, it’s when one person blows the smoke-”
“I know what it is asshole!” Mickey snapped. He took another hit of the joint and Ian noticed his shoulders relax ever so slightly. “No, I've never shotgunned a joint before.”
Ian didn’t let either one of them overthink. He grabbed the joint out of Mickey’s hand, took a hit, and then grabbed the collar of Mickey’s coat to roughly pull him in close. Mickey stared at him with an unreadable expression and Ian saw his Adam's apple bob up and down as Mickey swallowed. Ian leaned in until their mouths were almost touching, so close he could feel the warmth of Mickey’s breath on his face. They had never been this close outside of sex.
Mickey’s lips parted just enough and Ian blew out, the sharp taste moving over his tongue and into Mickey’s mouth. He sort of hoped that Mickey could taste part of him along with the weed. He loosened his grip on Mickey’s coat and slowly leaned back.
Mickey jumped up and backed away from Ian like he was a hot stove Mickey had accidentally touched.
“Woah,” Ian said cautiously.
“You can’t just -” Mickey shouted and then cut himself off, shaking his head and turning away from Ian.
“Mickey,” Ian said, trying to calm the other boy down.
“Leave me alone,” Mickey growled as he started to walk away.
“Wait Mickey,” Ian said, getting up and chasing him down. Ian reached out to grab his arm and Mickey whipped around, shoving him back. The air rushed out of Ian’s lungs like Mickey had doused him in ice cold water. All of the electricity he had been feeling a moment ago was gone and replaced by the sick feeling in his stomach.
Mickey glanced up at him briefly before turning away again and the look Ian saw on his face was fear. He knew from that look that he had fucked up. Pushed too far. Asked too much from Mickey. They were fine to sit around and smoke a joint and get each other off, but anything more was going to make Mickey run.
“I’m sorry,” Ian called out. Mickey stopped.
“See you around Gallagher,” he called out over his shoulder.
-
Monica was back and Ian ran.
He hadn’t known where he was running when he took off, just knew he needed to get away from it all. From her. From the inevitable shit storm that was about to erupt at her return. He felt like if he stayed at home with his siblings he would suffocate. His legs were moving and it was only when he was almost at the Milkovich’s door that he realized this is where they had taken him.
He told himself he was there for Mandy, she was his best friend and she was the one he should be running to, but when the door opened and Mickey was standing in front of him he knew that had all been an excuse.
Mickey was at the store eighteen minutes later. He was shifty as he walked in the door, looking at Ian like he might explode at any moment. As soon as he came through the door Ian wasted no time to lock it and wordlessly walk to the back room. Mickey followed him, the usual smirk he wore when they were about to get busy was replaced by a confused and maybe slightly concerned expression.
“What the fuck is going on?” Mickey asked once the door to the freezer was closed behind them.
Ian didn't have the words to explain and for once he didn't want to talk with Mickey. He started to silently take Mickey’s coat off his shoulders, wanting to hurry up and get to the part that could distract him. Mickey grabbed onto his wrist to stop him and Ian avoided his gaze, feeling pathetic tears start to well up.
“Ian,” Mickey said, his voice soft, “you good?”
Ian hated Monica so much because he couldn't even enjoy the fact that Mickey was concerned for him. That he seemed to be showing that he cared and even used Ian's actual name for once. They were all things Ian had been waiting and hoping for from the other boy and in this moment he couldn't enjoy it. His anger went from a simmer to a boil at the whole situation and he knew what he needed.
“Just take your clothes off,” Ian said and it came out more like a plea than a demand. Mickey seemed to understand though, and he unbuckled his pants, dropped them, and turned around.
The air was somber around them as Ian started to fuck Mickey. There were no badly hidden smirks, no sarcastic little comments and teases, no stifled moans. They both breathed heavy and Ian tried to push all thoughts of Monica and his fucked up family out of his head. It wasn't enough. The word outside the room was still too loud and Ian needed something else to keep it out of his head. He saw Mickey's hand in front of him and without thinking he reached forward and wrapped his hand around it, holding on like it was a life raft and he was adrift at sea. Finally, his world was able to narrow until it was just him and Mickey. Nothing else mattered. This was exactly what he needed.
And then the door opened and he was yanked back into the real world.
-
Ian wiped the sweat of his palms along his jeans as he waited for the guards to go get Mickey and wave him through. He knew there was a very real possibility of Mickey refusing to see him, even after he pressured Kash into adding money to his commissary account. He wasn’t sure where they stood in their not-relationship. Everything with Kash had gone down in the worst possible way, but Ian still felt a weird sense of satisfaction. Mickey had threatened Kash to keep his secret of course, but the way he had taunted him felt like something more. Something possessive and as messed up as everything had become Ian couldn’t help but think about the way Mickey had gloated like Ian was a prize he had won.
And if it was a competition between Kash and Mickey, Mickey had definitely won. Mickey had won so hard Ian had spent his afternoon taking the bus across the city and sitting in the Cook County waiting area without even knowing if Mickey would see him.
“Ian Gallagher? Here to see Milkovich?” The guard called out and Ian hopped out of his seat.
He sat on the uncomfortable stool, bouncing his leg in anticipation and he couldn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat when he saw Mickey hobble out on his crutches. It killed Ian to be so close to Mickey but unable to touch him. It killed him even more when Mickey gave him the tiniest of impressed smiles after he explained how he got the money from Kash.
“How long?” Ian asked. He couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice as he stared at Mickey through the glass. Mickey was tough as nails, and the Milkovich name could go far in prison, but Mickey was smaller than a lot of the other inmates and injured and Ian’s mind was going to dark places.
“Supposed to be a year right?” Mickey’s eyes were shifting as he spoke. Ian watched him as closely as possible as he went on about his stay and someone trying to steal his Jell-O. Mickey was still his brash self, but there was something else behind his eyes. He looked tired. Ian could see an uncertainty as he spoke.
“I miss you,” Ian said, lowering his voice as much as possible while still staying audible through the phone.
“You say that again I’ll rip your tongue outta your head,” Mickey barked back, but the words held no venom.
Ian had spent too much time over the past couple of months studying Mickey. He had made note of every look, every twitch of his muscle and every change in the tone of his voice. Mickey never talked about his feelings, but Ian had learned to listen anyway. Mickey had to put on a show for the world, for his family, for himself. There was a difference in Mickey being angry and Mickey saying what he felt he had to say. Ian could feel it when Mickey had actual intentions behind his words, and these words were hollow. Mickey would miss him, in some way and some form, even if it wasn’t the same way that Ian would miss Mickey. Ian thought just maybe they could even be considered friends of some kind.
He knew he couldn’t say any of that out loud, so instead he just grinned. A big dopey smile lit up his face and he knew he probably looked pathetic but he couldn’t bring himself to care. To his delight Mickey’s eyes lit up and he ducked his head in a way that Ian knew meant he was trying to hide his own smile. It made Ian so happy that he threw his better judgement out the window and held his hand up to the glass in between them. This was definitely pushing his luck but he had to get closer to Mickey.
“Take your hand off the glass,” Mickey snipped at him, and Ian complied.
Mickey shifted in his seat again, eyes scanning to the left and right. Mickey always seemed jumpy and uneasy, but he was clearly even more agitated behind bars. Ian took a moment while he was distracted to study his face, filing away even more details until the next time he would be able to see him.
“How’d things work out with your mom?” Mickey asked suddenly, still looking off somewhere over Ian’s shoulder.
“How’d you know about that?” Ian asked.
“Mandy doesn’t shut up when she calls. Seems to think I give a shit about every random person in her life.” Ian didn’t point out that since he was asking about it, he maybe did give a little bit of a shit.
“She’s trying to take Liam but it turns out he actually is Frank’s so we’re gonna fight her on that.” Ian said. Things with Monica were still fucked, but it all felt so far away from him as he sat talking with Mickey.
“No shit,” Mickey said. He seemed to be waiting for Ian to say more, so he took that as a sign to keep going even if they usually avoided talking about family.
“Sometimes when she’s gone I miss her, but then when she comes back I realize that it’s better when she’s not around,” Ian said, looking down at the metal table in front of him. When he looked back up he was surprised to see Mickey staring directly at him. He looked away again when Ian met his gaze, but he wondered how often Mickey stared when Ian wasn’t paying attention.
“Family’s fucked man,” Mickey said.
“Yeah,” Ian agreed.
They sat in silence for a moment. Ian could hear Mickey breathing through the phone. There was a crease in between his eyebrows and his hand fidgeted on top of the table. Ian could tell he was mulling something over but Ian didn't know what. For all Ian's excavation Mickey still had so many walls up. Ian waited a second longer to see if Mickey would say anything, but he stayed silent.
“Wrap it up!” A guard called out to the inmates and Ian noticed Mickey jump a little.
“I’ll come by again next week maybe?” Ian asked.
“Do whatever the hell you want man I don't give a shit,” Mickey grumbled.
It wasn't a no. Mickey put the phone back into the receiver and gathered his crutches. Ian stayed in his seat watching him go. He stared at his feet as he moved, but just before the door he looked over his shoulder and his eyes met Ian's.
Ian knew he'd be back next week.