Chapter Text
"Can I talk to him?"
"No."
"I- okay, I understand why you might be a lit-"
"No."
Grace huffs, crossing his arms as he leans back against the reclined bed. He scowls down at Rocky, knocking his knee against the alien curled up by his legs. "If you would just let me explai-"
"No explanation." Rocky snips, shuffling in a way that suggests stubbornness. "You are not talking to him ever again."
"Wha- okay, no." Grace sits upright, turning to the alien with a furrowed brow. "That's a little dramatic."
Rocky drops an arm on the mattress in indignation. "More dramatic than trying to kill you?"
Grace rolls his eyes, dropping back to lean against the reclined bed with arms crossed over his chest. He sighs, shrugging slightly as he casts his gaze around the dimly lit room. Grace was supposed to be sleeping right now, resting and regaining his energy but sleep had been evasive as of late.
Grace has been here for a little less than a full day and he's miserable.
Physically, he's fine. Not great, obviously, but Grace is healthy enough considering everything he's been through. The only real injury was the bruise around his neck and Grace is finding himself nothing short of grateful that Eridians don't keep mirrors around.
The real struggle was boredom. Grace had tried to fall asleep again, to no avail— he'd gotten nearly ten hours of sleep the first time, something that his body clearly needed and that Grace was more than happy to provide. Unfortunately, Grace is now at the infuriating stalemate of 'tired enough to want sleep' and 'not tired enough to actually fall asleep'.
Without sleep to pass the time, Grace had been doing little other than talking to Rocky and staring at the wall. Everyone said that it was a good thing, that Grace needed to be doing nothing so his body could rest and heal. They were right, of course, but Grace was bored and that was bad.
Thankfully, Rocky had been doing his best to ensure that Grace was mentally stimulated while also getting enough rest. Rocky was well aware of how Grace's mind worked, the ways in which Grace's mind tried to fill the silence and usually made the problem worse. Rocky had taken to talking, urging Grace into conversation when he was able and, when Grace was a little too tired to contribute, Rocky fell into a constant, meaningless chatter.
It meant a lot to Grace that Rocky was so willing to stick by his side and just meander through conversation for Grace's own comfort. Rocky was an incredible friend and Grace couldn't be more grateful for him.
Grace is, however, a little annoyed.
"I just… I dunno." Grace stares down at the blanket in his lap, head empty for all the wrong reasons. "I shouldn't, right? I shouldn't want to talk to him."
"You should not."
Grace nods, mostly to himself. He's still staring down at his lap as he continues, "I just… I want to make sure he's okay, I guess."
There's a moment, a beat where Rocky deliberates. He tilts his carapace to the side in thought, bobbing once to himself before draping an arm over Grace's legs. When he finally speaks, Rocky's words are carefully empathetic.
"I know you want to help."
Grace opens his mouth for a retort but Rocky beats him to it. "It is who you are, Grace. You always want to help others. You want to fix their problems before your own."
Grace suddenly feels like he's being flayed open.
"It is an admirable thing to want to help others but I cannot allow you to do this." Rocky shuffles a little closer, pressing himself further into Grace's side— a line of comfort while he was systematically breaking down Grace's psyche. "He hurt you, Grace, even though he did not mean to. Letting you see each other would do nothing but har-"
"He didn't mean to?" Grace cuts in, mind snagging on that tidbit.
Rocky can't tense. He literally doesn't have the anatomy to do so. Somehow, Rocky tenses. He doesn't elaborate, but that's fine— Grace has more than enough to consider from that slip alone.
The thing is, it's not like Grace thought Simon meant to hurt him. It's not like—
Actually, Grace hasn't really considered the incident past the immediate consequences. Thinking about it made it real. Thinking about it meant Grace had to come to terms with the fact that Simon tried to kill him.
Grace feels like he's existing in a mental paradox, a situation where everything has been muddled and twisted and he's got to reconcile several things that are mutually exclusive. It's a lot to work through while Grace is already going through a separate, physical wringer.
The first and most important thing was that Simon harmed Grace. There was no getting around that one, despite how much Grace wishes they could just forget, wipe this all away and return to the soft comfort he had grown so used to.
Harming someone usually meant there was an intention, right? There was a reason that violence was enacted?
Grace cannot, for the life of him, understand why Simon would have done this. Well, he's got an inkling of an idea but Grace doesn't think that Simon intended to do what he did. Grace isn't just making justifications, either.
Simon spent the first few weeks on Erid under the assumption that he was living on borrowed time. Simon assumed that Grace was just keeping him around until Simon was done healing, entirely out of the kindness of Grace's heart. Even once they squared that away Simon was determined to earn his place, to contribute and show Grace that Simon wasn't dead weight.
Why in the world would Simon jeopardize that?
There was literally no logical reason that Grace could fathom for why Simon would have done what he did. Simon clearly didn't want to go 'home' and he was generally content in his new life with Grace. Simon didn't take things for granted, either, always excessively grateful for just the bare minimum.
Grace is left to assume what there isn't a logical reason for why Simon did it. Obviously Simon wasn't in a… mentally ideal place, and on more than one occasion had checked out from reality entirely. That moment, on the beach? When Simon was staring out at the horizon, eyes glazed and unresponsive? It doesn't feel like a stretch to assume this was a similar situation.
However.
"We should have talked before." Grace exhales, craning his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I mean, obviously we have all this history, it's just- just, I dunno, we were both scared. It just seemed easier to… not."
Rocky rumbles in acknowledgement. He adjusts the arm over Grace's leg, making sure the warm weight isn't too heavy. "…would be mean to call you stupid, so I will not."
"Hey!" Grace says, a startled laugh tearing out of his throat and making him wince. Grace takes a second to recover, a unique kind of relief effusing his veins as the tension is broken. "Ugh, yeah, you're right though. We should have just sucked it up so something like this wouldn't have happened."
"Not your fault." Rocky chides, clicking in annoyance when Grace gently kicks him.
"But it is." Grace sighs, tiredly resigned. "It's both of our faults, I think, but I knew better and look where we are now."
Rocky snaps a claw in frustration. "Not your fault!"
"Well, not the drowning part." Grace snips back, before sighing again. "I was just- I was so desperate for any kind of human connection that I glossed over a bunch of stuff that I shouldn't have. I mean, maybe I should have heard the warning bells the first time he tried to kill m-"
"THE FIRST?"
"Thank you, seriously."
Grace tries to make the words as earnest as possible, trying to sound as grateful as he genuinely feels. Rocky is having absolutely none of it but Basalt hums appreciatively.
"You are welcome, Grace." Basalt stands at Grace's bedside, absentmindedly tapping her claws together as she does a final evaluation. "I think this could be good for both of you."
After a long, long conversation that got heated several times and eventually required Basalt to step in as a mediator, they had come to an agreement: Basalt would deliver a message for Grace.
It's not like Grace is excusing Simon of any culpability— it's just that Grace is also not excusing himself of any culpability. He's not excusing himself from the knowledge that this only happened because they refused to talk to each other.
No more of that. Direct contact was a nonstarter, obviously— it took an excessive amount of explanation and rationalization from Grace before Rocky eventually conceded, only on the condition that Adrian stayed with Grace while Rocky went with Basalt.
Grace isn't even sure how he would react if he were to see Simon right now. He keeps trying to visualize it and falling short. Would he be angry? Sad? Frustrated? Heartbroken? Scared?
Yes, to all of the above, each of them tangled up in the other and making a mess of any direct line of thought. It doesn't help that each time Grace visualizes Simon he just stirs up feelings of guilt guilt guilt bad bad bad blood under my nails hurt him had to but I hurt him.
It's a complicated affair all around.
Having a third party mediate felt like the safest, easiest option. Neither Simon nor Grace would do something impulsive or stupid and they wouldn't be rushing into this— haste would be a bad idea for everyone involved. Grace could say what he wanted to say and he wouldn't have to look Simon in the eyes while he did it.
"What would you like me to say?" Basalt asks, taking a step back before focusing on Grace properly.
Grace opens his mouth to speak and falls short.
He has absolutely no idea what he wants to say.
There's truly a million things that Grace wants to tell Simon but any configuration of words feels inadequate. Grace wants to tell Simon that he's furious, that he's frustrated and upset and Grace was always the coward between the two of them, Simon should have pushed, Simon should have told Grace what kind of past he had that would explain a reaction like this.
Grace wants to tell Simon that he's sorry, he's so sorry he wants to weep with it because Grace knew touch was a sensitive thing for Simon. Grace could have approached this in a different way. Touch wasn't the only option and in careless (selfish) thinking, Grace had sent an entire procession of dominoes tumbling down.
Grace wants to tell Simon that he's not forgiven. Grace wants to tell Simon that this is bad. It's really, really bad.
Grace wants to tell Simon that this isn't where things end. They messed up, badly, but he was willing to work this out if Simon was. He was willing to let the bruise on his neck heal because despite the physical evidence, Grace doesn't think Simon wanted to hurt him. Simon was scared and impulsive and he reacted with violence but that didn't make him a bad person.
But that's a lot to say. Grace settles for something a little more concise.
"Tell him… tell him that the scarf is still his. If he wants it."
Rocky shrieks in outrage loud enough that Grace winces and reels back against the bed. "No no no no absolutely not you are not courting him-"
"Courting?" Basalt asks, carapace perking up in obvious interest.
Grace sighs, waving a hand in the air as Rocky falls into a chittering fury. "It was meant to be a courting gift. That's- to be clear, I'm not still cour- well, I- ugh, this is all so complicated."
Grace buries his face in his hands and takes a second to compose himself, to try and wrangle thoughts that crash into each other and go spinning until Grace felt dizzy with it all. Grace inhales slowly and winces when his lungs burn. His throat hurts when he clears it.
"It's not a courting gift anymore. But it's still his, if he wants it."
"Stupid." Rocky seethes at Grace's side. "Stupid humans and human emotions-"
"Thank you again." Grace interrupts, nodding to Basalt. "I don't… I know this can't be easy for you, either."
Frankly, Grace has no idea what Simon's side of this situation looks like but he doubts it's anything good. He feels more than a little guilty about it.
Basalt bobs once in agreement. "It is not. The others are very unhappy, as am I. We were part of the group responsible for his triage and we were very excited for you. We hoped he would make it through so you would have someone here and we are all disappointed that his presence caused your injury. However…"
Basalt trails off, taking a moment to consider. She sits back, drumming along the floor as she clearly works through what she thinks is appropriate for Grace to know. It's considerate and more than a little frustrating.
"Simon is incredibly remorseful. He still refuses to let us treat his injuries and keeps saying that he does not deserve it."
It makes sense. It makes Grace want to curl into a little ball and cry.
"You are intelligent, Grace. I trust your judgement. I am first and foremost concerned with your wellbeing, but if you think this is the correct course of action then I am willing to assist."
Grace, slumped back against the bed, reaches out a hand at his side. Basalt accepts it, letting his hand rest on one of her own in a comforting gesture. "Thank you."
"You are welcome. Now," Basalt taps a claw on Grace's hand, a meaningless motion but something appreciated nevertheless. She clicks at Rocky, gently setting Grace's hand back down before she tilts towards the doorway. "Rest. Adrian will be here shortly."
"Yeah. Yeah, of course." Grace turns towards a reluctant Rocky, the alien still neatly settled against Grace's legs. "Go. Adrian will be here to keep an eye on me, right?"
Rocky grumbles lowly, eventually conceding. "Yes. Only reason I am doing this. I will be back soon."
Grace smiles, dropping a hand on top of the xenonite shell and patting in farewell. "I'll see you soon, bud. Don't kill him on sight, alright?"
"Asking too much." Rocky slowly unfolds, tentatively stepping off the bed and hovering at Grace's side for a moment before forcing himself to pull away. "I will try. Rest until then."
"I'll try." Grace sighs. He draws his legs up to his chest, hugging his arms around them and watching as the two move towards the doorway. "See you soon!"
Grace is answered with matching chirps of acknowledgment and, after a second of Rocky's hesitation at the doorway, he's left alone. Grace exhales, dropping his head back and staring up at the ceiling.
He has a lot to think about.