Chapter Text
Dazai was numb. Not that this was a new feeling, but the empty cavern in his chest felt especially wide today, a blankness settling over him- a type of stillness that was so vast and endless that it was on the verge of being painful.
And who was he kidding? It was painful, the stillness turning to an ache in his chest, his head burning behind his eyes from where tears wouldn’t come. He itched to take a blade to his skin, to silence the screams in his head that begged for it all to end, that it hurt too much to go on-
But he didn’t do it. Why?
Well. He was at work. And work would be a terrible place to die.
He sighed, feeling a chill run down his back as he went to the next customer at the bar. “What can I get you?” he asked, a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes.
If he wasn’t so caught up in his own head, Dazai would’ve found the man rather pretty. He had striking red hair, and beautiful blue eyes. But as it was, Dazai was feeling too much nothingness to appreciate the sight before him, or to bother flirting.
The man cocked his head at him, seeming to peer through the fake smile. Whatever. Even if he did, it wasn’t Dazai’s problem. Soon, he could go home and end it all, for real this time.
“A glass of cabernet,” said the man. And of course he was a wine drinker.
Dazai poured the drink and charged the man, not letting his fake smile slip.
He continued serving customers throughout the night, none of the others noteworthy in any way. By the time he finished cleaning up the bar it was nearly midnight, and all he wanted was to crash into bed.
Maybe suicide would have to wait for another night. He was too tired to appreciate it, now, and he just wanted to disappear under the covers for a solid twelve hours.
That was exactly what he did.
When he woke up the next day, he felt marginally better. He had a few hours before work, so he made himself some instant ramen and lounged in the kitchen of his crummy apartment. He technically had two bedrooms- he had had a roommate before, but they had moved out a while ago, and he just couldn’t be bothered to move into a smaller place. One bedroom just sat unused now, and he paid the extra rent, barely scraping by.
But he ate instant ramen for most meals and protein bars for the rest, and he paid his rent. If you asked him, he lived a fairly miserable existence. He was honestly just waiting for it to end.
He didn’t even have health insurance, so he couldn’t even address his worsening depression. It just sucked him in like a black hole, making every moment a living hell of despair or emptiness.
Most nights he went to sleep praying that someone would break in and shoot him while he slept. Depressing, right?
Anyways, there he was, contemplating his life choices in the kitchen, when there was a knock on the door.
Dazai frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He walked over and opened it anyway.
It was two members of social services.
“Are you Dazai Osamu?” one of them asked.
Dazai blinked. “Uh, yes?”
“Fantastic. We have news for you. One of your cousins has been arrested and is currently in prison, and you are the only relative that we could find who could potentially provide his son with stable housing. The other option is for Atsushi to go into foster care or to an orphanage, but we really prefer to leave children with family members whenever possible.”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“What part of that do you need repeated?”
Dazai blinked again. “I haven’t been in touch with my family in years. Are you sure there is no one else who can take him?”
“Well…” she trailed off. “There were some other options, but they all refused to take him in. Please, you’re the last chance that he has left.”
Dazai rubbed his face with his hands. “I… fine. How old is he, anyway?”
“Atsushi is five.”
Dazai sighed. “Okay, great. So, what now?”
“Now, you have one week to prepare your home for Atsushi’s arrival, we will do an inspection, and then he will be yours. We will run a background check on you as well.”
“Fantastic,” Dazai deadpanned.
“You’ll have to enroll him in school, provide him with three meals a day, provide adequate shelter, bedding, and clothing. We have some paperwork here for you as well to sign.”
Dazai looked down at the stack of paperwork in her hands. His head was spinning. They wanted him to take in a child? He could barely function as a human being, he had no idea how to take care of a kid.
He took the pile of papers from her and started scanning through them, placing his signature where needed.
“Fine. I’ll take him in, I guess,” he muttered as he signed.
“Wonderful,” the woman said as he handed her back the stack of documents. She gave him some others for him to keep. “We will be back in one week’s time, and we’ll be in touch. Thank you.”
They turned and left, and Dazai shut the door behind him. He slumped against the door and let himself slide down to the floor, putting his head in his hands again. A kid. What on earth was he going to do?