Work Text:
It is a truth not-quite universally acknowledged that a vampire, upon encountering grains of rice, will be driven to count them. The accuracy of this statement leaves some room for doubt, however. As such, this experiment saught to uncover the truth behind the matter. While the sample size was small (there are only five vampires I am certain will not try to eat me for this), it does appear to suggest that the effects of rice on vampires vary between individuals. All vampires were driven to count small piles of rice, however more were able to resist the larger the pile. Medium of the rice also matters; raw rice was universally counted, whilst rice noodles never were, and stages between these varied. Notably, there seems to be a psychological component; only when they associated the desserts with rice were the vampires driven to count, whether that be via recognising for themselves, or via being informed.
Methodology
So as not to bias the results, the tests were carried out as part of a series of experiments that were not fully explained to participants in advance. It was also not conducted in the lab, but rather the field; the researcher lives with a number of vampires, owns a kitchen, and has a reputation for being a bit disorganised, leading to the perfect conditions to examine this matter.
Five different types of rice were used. These were unprocessed rice grains, egg-fried white rice, British-style rice pudding (Ambrosia branded), arroz con leche (sweetened, with cinnamon), and rice noodles (vermicelli). The unprocessed, egg fried, and noodled rice also came in both small, medium, and large varieties. Further types of rice were considered, however the secrecy of the experiment was unable to be further maintained.
Vampires were exposed to these forms of rice by having them left out in a communal kitchen, observed by cameras. One vampire was unable to test the arroz con leche, as a werewolf housemate ate it between it being laid out and the vampire arriving. Testing anything on the night of the full moon was perhaps a mistake, but there were unfortunate deadlines in placr.
It should be noted that these vampires are known to and live with the researcher, and so are very used to spontaneous field experiments, and also being recorded. There is an understanding that anyone using the communal kitchen without inviting everyone to eat with them may be subject to the whims of the other residents. This usually refers to multiple people requiring the air fryer, but scientific experimentation is included. Release forms were signed post-experiment, and the results from any who did not sign them have been excluded from analysis.
Results
The results are as follows.
All five vampires were driven to count both the small pile of raw rice, and the egg fried rice. All of them started counting the medium piles, though one (V.B., a vampire of considerable age) was able to stop. V.B. did however count the largest (approx. 5000 grains) pile of raw rice, as did M.J. Notably B.D. also counted this sample, but complained about it. T.T. started counting, but familiarity with the researcher had him realise it was a trick, and pull away 200 grains in. F.S. tidied the largest rice pile up without counting. None of the studued vampires counted the medium or large piles of egg fried rice, preferring to eat it instead.
Concerning the British-style rice pudding, the grains were less distinct. M.J. and F.S. were both originally British, and counted the grains with a significant level of emotional distress. B.D. (American) and V.B. (Canadian) both successfully ignored this dessert, with B.D. seemingly entirely unaware that there was rice at all. Interesting T.T. was not initially driven to count the rice grains in the rice pudding, but upon recognising it for what it was made significant noises of displeasure, before sitting down to count. Of the three who counted the rice pudding, he was the only one unable to be broken from the counting trance until completion.
Concerning the arroz con leche, particularly interesting results occurred. To begin with, only those who had counted the rice pudding counted the arroz con leche. Upon being informed that it was a different dish, however, all of them stopped counting, and resumed their previous tasks - to various levels of relief and frustration. They were then informed that rice was a key ingredient. All of the vampires - not just those who had been counting before - were then forced to count. Only V.B. was able to break away at this point.
Concerning the noodles, there were no visible grains. All vampires ignored them at first, though upon being informed that they were rice noodles - not wheat - most expressed some despair and left the room. M.J. notably burst into tears, asking how he was supposed to count it when it had no grains. Emotional support was provided by fellow prankster researcher G.
Conclusions
The drive of a vampire to count rice seems to have a much larger psychological component than first believed. Most vampires were able to resist particularly large amounts of rice - likely a survival mechanism, given the many hours this would take - and so one reasons that a small handful of rice provides the superior distraction, should the reader ever need to escape a vampire in a hurry.
Further, a vampire is only driven to count that which they recognise as rice. I am uncertain of the familiarity of V.B. and B.D. with rice pudding, but know that T.T. has been exposed in the past (I fed it to him). M.J. and F.S. are both British and of an age where their exposure as children is guaranteed. This is not only demonstrated in T.T. only being driven to count the British-style rice pudding once he recognised it, but also in how all vampires could stop counting when told that arroz con leche is a separate dish, but were forced to count (whether newly or resuming from earlier) upon being told it contained rice.
Given the impossibility of counting the grains of rice in rice noodles, this is likely the cause of the walking out.
It has been considered that the vampires may have cottoned onto the tests, and decided to play with me instead. G., however, assured me that M.J.'s response to the rice noodles was not one that the vampire is capable of faking, and I am aware that T.T.'s frustration was genuine, and B.D. does not have a reputation for hiding his feelings well. I am, therefore, inclined to believe that of the vampires tested, a majority were definitely interacting as intended. V.B. and F.S. are more enigmatic, but I see no reason to doubt their responses.
For Future Consideration
Tests on a larger cohort would be ideal. Also, some way of knowing the tested vampire's familiarity with specific dishes beforehand, without having them realise rice is involved. Perhaps a culinary exam? My vampires are, however, are now compromised, and so I leave further experimentation to the cohort.