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English
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Published:
2026-03-15
Updated:
2026-06-09
Words:
24,206
Chapters:
9/34
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118
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An Orphan and His Cousin

Summary:

In one world, Harry was doused in compulsions and loyalty potions to make him become the Golden Boy-Who-Lived, a puppet of The Great Albus Dumbledore (TM).

In this world, that never happens. The Dursleys go on a vacation, never to return. It's only when Harry is almost thirteen years old that batty old Sybill Trelawney makes a new prophecy, telling Dumbledore where Harry is.

What will have happened to Harry in the eight years he was lost? Why does he have a Boomslang for a pet? Why does his cousin wield two goblin-made axes and only speak Silvertongue, the goblin language?

Be ready for a Grey Alliance that takes on Dumbledore and Voldemort both, Harry taking over the Wizengamot (eventually), and mythical-level magic dealt out by a young man who will do anything to create a safe world for ALL magical beings.

This is completely self-satisfying Gary-Stu writing that combines like all the tropes - hyphenating names, Wizengamot takeovers, ritual magics, magical holidays, Slytherin politics, the works. Comments with suggestions for improvement are great!

Notes:

Fair warning, the characters will be overpowered. There will still be flaws and challenges, and you can expect characters I don't like to be cruel to those I do like. I am not one for angst between the characters I like, however, and you will see them rapidly bond with each other far more than is likely reasonable.

Works that inspired this one:
Lily's Boy by SomewheresSword
Let's Try Again by DayDreamer315
Evitative by Vichan
The Heir to the House of Prince by elph13

There are likely others, but these are the stories that stand out most to me for a lot of the big beats.

My goal is to update every other week on Sundays!

I will offer ample warning that my desire to write is heavily influenced by my ADHD, so there will likely be periods where I go months without posting an update.

HOWEVER,

I have fully plotted out the whole story. It's there, just waiting for me to write it. Comments will help inspire me! I hope you enjoy :)

Also, fuck trans-exclusionary radical feminists. It's not cool, brah. Read this instead of the source work so no more money goes towards supporting bigots! :P

Chapter 1: Act I - Discovery: What if the Dursleys took a vacation?

Summary:

Prologue. Alternative title: What if Dudley hugged his cousin rather than beat him?

Notes:

Yes, this chapter is super short. No, they won't all be this short. Yes, I'll try to post the second chapter soon but we'll see if the muses favor me.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

When Dudley Dursley was four years old, there was a single, pivotal decision that would change the course of his life. One wouldn’t expect much from a four-year-old’s choices, but there you have it.

It all came down to a candy bar.

In one life, Dudley saw his father hit his cousin. There was no justifiable reason for this, but then, there weren’t justifiable reasons behind much of what Vernon Dursley did. So, when Harry had accidentally spilled his juice and gotten hit for it, Dudley decided to do the same. He hit Harry as well.

For a four-year-old, this took a great amount of effort and energy. This means that when Petunia Dursley took Dudley to the grocery store, his belly was rumbling and he cried out for a candy bar, which his mother happily bought for him. This, however, took the money that she had originally planned on using to buy a lottery ticket. 

So what if Dudley had made a different choice? What if he had decided to be kind rather than be cruel?

In one life, because Dudley hit Harry, he got hungry and cried out for a candy bar.

In this life, Dudley was kind. He gave Harry a hug after Vernon hit him. After all, it was only a week before Harry’s birthday, and nobody should cry in the week before their birthday.

While hugs are incredibly kind, they are not all that energy-intensive. This meant that Dudley was not hungry when his mother took him to the store, and he did not cry out for a candy bar. This left Petunia with a little extra spending money, and she bought a lottery ticket.

When she got home, she scratched that ticket and let out a screech that had her whale of a husband huffing and puffing as he stomped into the room. Where he might have expected to find his ‘freak of a nephew’ doing something to scare his long-necked wife, he instead found her dancing in the kitchen, a lottery ticket clutched tightly in her hand.

With that lottery ticket, Vernon decided that his little family deserved to go on a vacation, and where else would they go but the United States? After all, this is where all of Dudley’s favorite programming was filmed. However, old Arabella Figg from down the street had tripped over one of her cats that week and twisted her ankle. This left her in no state to watch over the quiet little boy with bruises hidden beneath his clothes. 

So, it was with great reluctance that Vernon agreed to drag along the freak in their family, without ever actually mentioning their destination to Figg.

In one world, Albus Dumbledore waited until little Harry Potter was five years old before he plied the boy with compulsions designed to steer Harry down the path ‘he was meant to follow’, in the headmaster’s words. This would lead to Harry becoming impulsive, brash, and lacking in any sort of common sense. The headmaster would follow up by dousing the boy in loyalty and submission potions, ones which wouldn’t be detected since he ensured the boy would never properly sit down with a goblin at Gringotts. 

In this world, however, there was a problem. When Albus arrived to set the foundation for his manipulations in Harry’s life, he found Number 4 Privet Drive to be empty. There was no sign of the Dursley family, and there clearly hadn’t been in at least a week, based on the amount of mail that was piled up.

In this world, he strode over to his agent, Arabella Figg. He demanded the Squib tell him where, exactly, the Dursleys had gone. Not that she could tell him.

And oh, how the Squib screamed when he tormented her for her failure to notify him that his precious Golden Boy had left the country. Of course, he used a memory charm to cover up his use of the Cruciatus Curse in his moment of anger, but Figg would have trembling hands for the rest of her life and an ache that never quite seemed to go away. 

Nevertheless, Albus set a charm to notify him when the Dursleys returned, and he traveled back to his home, anxiously awaiting the return of his Golden Boy. 

He would wait for eight years.

Notes:

Next time: Who would ever employ batty old Trelawney?