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“Hey, Akiko… can I talk to you for a sec?”
Yosano turned to the doorway of the medical room. Ranpo stood there awkwardly, his shoulders hunched and face looking down at the ground. Yosano noticed he was rubbing the fabric of his baggy pants between his thumbs and forefinger, something he usually did to sooth himself when he was nervous.
Yosano leaned back in her chair as she took her hands off her computer keyboard.
“Of course. What’s up?”
Ranpo slowly walked toward her, avoiding her gaze however he could.
“It… it has something to do with me.”
Yosano smiled. “I mean, I would think so given you’re the one talking to me-”
“No! You don’t understand!” Ranpo angrily cried out, his eyes flashing open. Yosano could pick up on the slight waver of his voice.
Ranpo’s face softened and he closed his eyes.
“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“Ranpo, what is this about?” Yosano was getting impatient and Ranpo’s outburst didn’t help her mood any.
Tears began to prick the corners of Ranpo’s eyes as he slightly opened them back up.
“... It’s about my ability.”
Yosano should have guessed. It would explain why he was so uptight. Ultra Deduction was everything to Ranpo. It was a way to fit in with his peers. It gave him confidence and praise from his co-workers, which helped his already inflated ego grow. It was the thing he based his career on: the ability to determine the truth behind a crime. An ability that’s activated by simply putting on a special pair of glasses the president gave him.
However, there was an unspoken truth about his ability. Everyone in the Armed Detective Agency knew that Ranpo didn’t really have an ability. They all found out in their own ways, but one thing was clear: Ranpo Edogawa was simply an incredibly smart person with no supernatural gift.
They all knew it. But they never told him. How could they? How could they shatter the very idea that Ranpo had built himself on?
And now, Ranpo stands in front of Yosano, nervously shaking and visibly afraid. She has only rarely seen this side of him. She allowed him to take all the time he needed to muster up the courage to continue speaking.
“D- do you remember when we were sucked into Poe’s novel? And you kept on saying that I didn’t need my ability to solve the case?”
She did remember that. She remembered being frustrated with Ranpo, who stubbornly refused to investigate the murder. That was, until Yosano herself fell victim to the killer’s trap. With that much needed push, Ranpo was able to solve the mystery and escape his rival’s story.
She also remembered saying how they should celebrate Ranpo finally realizing he isn’t an ability user, but rather a natural genius. She remembered how upset he got with her. She remembered the comment he made… “I’d look really stupid if I turned out to be normal now.”
The fact he was finally coming to her of his own volition and coming to terms with this side of himself made her immensely proud. But she knew how important this moment must be for Ranpo. She had to make sure not to be too hasty with her actions or words.
Yosano sighed. “Of course I remember that day. I knew I could count on a great detective like yourself to get us out of there.”
Yosano picked up on Ranpo easing up after the praise. He always enjoyed admiration, especially when it came from his co-workers.
“Well, I just… I wanted to apologize.” His gaze met the floor once again. “For not telling you sooner. For leading you on-” his voice cracked as he spoke. His heart pounded in his chest. “For… for lying to you all-”
A sob broke out from him as Ranpo crumpled to the floor. The tears finally spilled from his eyes. Here he was, the world’s greatest detective, reduced to nothing but a sobbing mess on the ground.
“I- I really thought that-” a sob interrupted him before he could continue. “I thought I was special. That I was gifted. The president even told me so himself. But now…”
Ranpo trailed off as he curled in on himself.
“But now looking back… it was never true. I was an idiot. I wanted so desperately to believe it. And I did… I really did! I kept lying to myself… I kept lying to you!”
Yosano rose from her chair and walked over to Ranpo, kneeling down close to the detective.
“Ranpo, it’s okay.”
Yosano gently put her hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up at her.
“You know… someone told me when I was at my lowest once that he didn’t care about my ability. What he wanted from me… was to be me.”
His sobbing was reduced to a couple sniffles and a few left over tears running down his cheek. He looked baffled at the idea that Yosano didn’t seem to care that he was a non ability user.
Yosano continued, “You are not defined by your ability, or lack thereof.”
Ranpo’s glassy eyes slowly widened as the impact of her words gradually sunk in. She gave him a gentle smile.
“I’m proud of you. I know this must not have been easy for you. But, I want you to know that no matter what, I don’t see you any differently. You’re still the Ranpo Edogawa we all know and love.”
That was all he needed to hear.
Much like a broken dam, Ranpo’s emotions came pouring out once again. He tightly embraced Yosano as he continued to sob, tears slowly seeping into the yoke of her shirt. Although she was at first taken aback, Yosano quickly reciprocated the hug.
After a while, the sobbing quieted down and Ranpo straightened up, getting back to his feet and wiping the remaining tears from his eyes.
“Ah- I’m sorry about your shirt,” he said sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it,” Yosano smiled. “It’ll dry out.”
Ranpo returned the smile before looking back down at the ground in thought.
“... I’m such an idiot,” he muttered.
“No you aren’t.”
“I am!” he snapped back. “How could I not tell all this time I wasn’t gifted? I spent over a decade telling everyone I had an ability! How am I supposed to tell everyone that I was wrong?” Tears stung his eyes again. “They’ll think I’m an idiot! That I’m useless at my job! And they’re right! What kind of detective can’t even deduce something as simple as if they’re an ability user or not?!”
Ranpo’s voice softened as he looked wistfully at Yosano. “And yet… you don’t see me any differently.”
“... Ranpo,” Yosano stepped closer to him. “Would you like to tell the rest of the Agency?”
Ranpo met her eyes, uncertainty flashing across his face.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to, you can take your time-”
“I want to tell them.” A sudden resolve overtook him, and a familiar confidence returned. “I’ve been holding this in for too long. I’ve been lying for too long…”
Ranpo took a deep breath in and turned back to the doorway.
“They deserve to know the truth.”
“So…” Fukuzawa folded his hands, “you want to tell your co-workers?”
Ranpo stood in front of Fukuzawa’s desk with Yosano to his right. He firmly grasped the brim of his cap in his hands.
“Yes,” he managed to mutter.
“Ranpo,” Yosano began, “you don’t have to-“
“No! I’ve been lying to them for too long! They need to know!”
Yosano knew it would be no use arguing with Ranpo. Once his mind was made up, his decision was final.
Fukuzawa stood up from his desk.
“Very well,” he stopped when he reached Ranpo. “Would you like me to call a meeting, or would you like to tell them all individually?”
“... I think a meeting would be best.”
Fukuzawa nodded. “Alright. When should I schedule it?”
Ranpo looked up at the president, a determined expression on his face.
“As soon as you can.”
“So, what is this about?” Atsushi leaned forward on the meeting room table.
“I don’t know,” Dazai nonchalantly shrugged. “Maybe the president’s going to tell Kunikida to tone it down with the yelling,” Dazai smirked as he looked at Kunikida, who was lost in thought.
Jun'ichirou sighed, “If that were the case he would just talk with you two one on one.”
“Aww, why are you making me sound like the reason Kunikida-kun yells so much?” Dazai whined.
“I hope this isn’t about me eating Ranpo-san’s lunch,” Kenji nervously looked down. “I swear it was an accident!” Kyouka patted Kenji’s back in support.
“That might be it…” Kunikida finally said.
Kenji shot upright in his seat. “Huh?!”
“No, not about you eating Ranpo-san’s lunch,” Kunikida clarified. “I think this meeting may have been called because of Ranpo-san.”
“Wait, really?” Atsushi knew Ranpo and the president were close, but he didn’t think that Fukuzawa would call an emergency meeting purely based on Ranpo’s whims.
“Now that I think about it…” Dazai trailed off as he put his hand on his chin, finally giving the situation some genuine thought. “That might just be the case. I personally haven’t seen Ranpo-san around all day. Something probably happened…”
“I saw him at his desk this morning,” Jun'ichirou remarked, “but he looked a little upset. It really struck me as odd.”
“I think I saw him go into the medical room earlier,” Atsushi said.
“HUH?!” Kunikida jumped out of his chair. “This is seriously bad! If our best detective is injured then-”
“Woah, woah! Calm down!” Atsushi frantically waved his hands. “I saw him walking there uninjured! He’s okay!”
“I saw him going into the president’s office with Yosano-san a little while ago,” Kyouka calmly said.
“See?” Atsushi nervously motioned to Kyouka.
The conversation came to a halt when the six heard the door creak. They looked towards the sound and saw Fukuzawa walk in. Behind him was Ranpo and Yosano, the latter of whom sat down towards the front of the meeting room.
Ranpo and Fukuzawa stood in front of everyone, Ranpo’s head held low and his right hand grabbing the brim of the cap he wore.
“My apologies for the sudden meeting,” Fukuzawa broke the silence, “but this is a very important matter.”
He turned towards Ranpo. “Do you want to take it from here?”
Ranpo silently nodded. With that, Fukuzawa took the open seat closest to him, directly across from Yosano.
Ranpo lowered his right arm and nervously looked up at the crowd, his brows furrowed upward and shoulders tensing.
“Woah, I don’t think I’ve seen Ranpo-san like this before,” Kenji commented.
“Me neither,” Atsushi agreed.
“... I… I- I-” Ranpo tried getting the words out, but all he could do was stutter. It just made him more upset.
Suddenly, Ranpo bowed deeply.
“I’m s- sorry!” Ranpo felt himself sobbing uncontrollably.
He hated it.
He hated being so vulnerable.
Atsushi and Kunikida were shocked. Kyouka and Jun'ichirou were taken aback. Dazai seemed a little confused, but quickly narrowed his eyes once he figured out what was going on. Kenji instinctually tried to reach out to Ranpo to comfort him, but the two were too far from each other.
After a couple moments of sobbing, Ranpo tried to recompose himself. He sniffled and put his cap on the table in front of him, sloppily whipping the tears from his eyes with his wrist.
“I… I’m sorry.” He looked up at the room and his co-worker’s expressions. “I’ve been… I haven’t been honest with you all,” Ranpo’s voice deepened as he finally calmed himself down.
“Ranpo-san, what’s going on?” Atsushi was uneasy about what was happening. He never thought Ranpo could break down like that and, although it seems a bit silly, he never thought Ranpo could be so sad.
Ranpo stood there, averting his eyes from the people in front of him, before he could speak again.
“... I’m not an ability user.”
Oh. So that’s what this is about.
Everyone uncomfortably shifted in their seats. They had already known. Did Ranpo finally find out? Who told him?
No one wanted to say anything (mostly because they were afraid if they did Ranpo would start sobbing again). Well, no one but Dazai.
Dazai let out a dramatic gasp, complete with his hands covering his mouth as his eyes grew wide.
“Ranpo-san! You mean to tell me you’re not supernaturally gifted?”
“I- I know, I’m sorry I led you on.” Ranpo’s head drooped.
Dazai gently smirked as his eyes softened and he removed his hands from his mouth.
“So that means you’re really one smart guy, huh?”
Ranpo looked up at Dazai. “H-huh?”
“Yeah, Ranpo-san!” Atsushi chimed in. “It’s incredible you’re able to solve all those difficult cases by yourself! Not being able to rely on supernatural powers must have made it difficult, but you’re so smart you didn’t even need them!” Atsushi was hoping he was getting his point across clearly and that Ranpo wouldn’t take it the wrong way.
“He’s not wrong,” Kunikida said. “Solving those cases on one’s own is difficult even if you do have an ability. It just goes to show how intelligent you are.” Kunikida met Ranpo’s eyes and smiled. “You are truly the best of us.”
“Thank you for trusting us with this, Ranpo-san,” Jun'ichirou gave a polite smile. “I know it must be hard to come to terms with.”
Ranpo was stunned. He didn’t know what to say. They were all taking this so well.
“WOW!” Kenji exclaimed. “So that means that all those cases were solved by your own hard work? That’s amazing!”
“It really is incredible,” Kyouka quietly agreed.
“NO!”
Everyone paused as Ranpo slammed his fist onto the table.
“This isn’t supposed to happen! You’re supposed to hate me! I lied to you!” Ranpo looked up at the group with tears in his eyes. “Why are you all so okay with this?!”
Ranpo’s eyes widened as it dawned on him. His voice grew quiet.
“Did… did all of you… did you already know?”
Everyone tried to avoid making eye contact.
“You did, didn’t you? AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Ranpo slammed his fist back down on the table again.
“Ranpo!” Fukuzawa warned. But Ranpo wasn’t listening.
“What, did you think this was funny?! Did you think you were better than me because you knew?! WAS I SOME KIND OF SPECTACLE?!” Tears streamed down his face.
“Ranpo-san-” Kunikida stood up and tried to walk towards him.
“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!” Ranpo grabbed his hat off the table. “Do you know how long I’ve been going around telling people I’m an ability user?! And NONE OF YOU thought to correct me?! What kind of friends are you?!”
Ranpo marched towards the door and opened it.
“Ranpo!” Fukuzawa called.
Ranpo angrily turned back at everyone. “Just leave me alone! I don’t want to see any of you!”
Ranpo slammed the door behind him.
“I’ll talk to him,” Yosano stood up.
“Thank you,” Fukuzawa politely nodded as Yosano left. He turned to look at the room, stunned in silence after what happened.
“I am deeply sorry,” Fukuzawa said as he got up to stand in front of everyone. “I did not expect such an emotional outburst.”
“President, what’s going on?” Kunikida asked.
Atsushi nervously looked toward the door. “Is Ranpo-”
“Ranpo will be alright,” Fukuzawa cut him off. Atsushi sunk back into his seat.
Dazai turned to the door. “It’s incredible, isn’t it…”
“Huh?” Atsushi looked at Dazai, “What are you talking about?”
“Despite being one of the smartest people I’ve met, Ranpo has only recently realized he’s not an ability user. It’s incredible how desperation can cloud one’s judgement.”
“Desperation?” Kunikida repeated.
“Please, don’t blame Ranpo,” everyone turned their heads as Fukuzawa spoke. “I was the one who put such an idea in his head in the first place.”
“Huh?” Atsushi’s eyes widened.
“So you’re the reason why he’s like… this?” Jun'ichirou tried to phrase it as nicely as possible.
Fukuzawa closed his eyes and nodded.
“I see…” Kunikida trailed off.
“But why would you do that?” Kenji asked. “Didn’t you realize that lying to him was going to be bad?”
“Maybe he had no other choice,” Kyouka suggested.
“Yes, Kyouka, you are exactly correct,” Fukuzawa continued. “When I first met Ranpo he was a boy who had recently lost his parents. He was kicked out of the Yokohama Police Academy for not being able to follow their rules and ended up having to fend for himself. He couldn’t hold down a job and when I first met him he was seeking employment and was only living off of financial aid.”
No one really found that hard to believe. Ranpo’s stubbornness combined with his lack of social awareness has landed him in hot water before, so the fact he was kicked out of a police academy and fired from multiple jobs wasn’t really a surprise.
“Upon first meeting him, I must admit, I did not have a very positive view of him myself.”
“Woah! Imagine how annoying you have to be to bother even the president!” Dazai blurted out.
“IMAGINE HOW IT’S GONNA FEEL WHEN I SMACK YOU IN THE HEAD AGAIN, YOU INSENSITIVE BANDAGE ROLL!” Kunikida yelled.
“But,” Fukuzawa continued, “as I spent more time with him, the more I grew to like him. I realized that his natural intelligence played a role as to how he saw the world, as he was frustrated that adults could not think how he thought, and believed their ignorance to be intentional.”
Is that why Ranpo-san is so blunt sometimes? Because he thinks we should have already known what he’s pointing out, Atsushi thought to himself.
“The main problem really crescendoed while I was on a job. I was assigned to prevent a potential murder from taking place during a stage production about angels and ability users, and stayed in the audience to identify any potential threats. I brought Ranpo along, thinking he could help. However, Ranpo ended up having a meltdown during the play.”
The words Ranpo shouted and his plea still stuck with Fukuzawa to this day.
I don’t understand anyone! Why are adults like this? Why is everyone like this? Someone, just tell me why!
I don’t understand what anyone’s thinking! I’m scared! It feels like I’m surrounded by monsters! It doesn’t matter what I say—nobody understands me! My parents were the only ones who did, and they’re dead!
If there’s an ability user here, save me! If there’s an angel, then save me! Why must I be alone?! Why do I have to live alone in the middle of a bunch of monsters?
Make me understand why I’m here—why I’m like this.
“President,” Jun'ichirou snapped Fukuzawa out of his thoughts, “are you alright?”
“Yes. Thank you,” Fukuzawa tried to recompose himself. “I tried to speak with him during the intermission, but time was fleeting. Unfortunately, I must admit I am not the best at handling such matters. But all I could see was a boy who was about to be crushed by the world around him. So I did the only thing I could think of and lied.”
“And that’s when you gave him his glasses?” Kyouka asked.
“Yes. He had asked earlier during the play what an ability user was, so I told him. I told him that ability users can suffer because of their abilities, and that’s what was happening to him. I had a random pair of glasses on hand at the time and told him that they were a gift from a noble in Kyoto that could help him control his ability.”
“So it functioned as a placebo?” Kunikida asked.
“I suppose so,” Fukuzawa agreed. “I still feel bad about lying to him all these years later, but I’m not sure if I could have done anything different. After I told him the glasses accepted him-”
Dazai tried to stifle a chuckle as Kunikida leered at him.
“-I told him how he was smarter than everyone else. How he was a great detective who had to save everyone from their own stupidity. How nobody hates him. And with that, he transformed into a completely different person. The man you’ve all come to know.”
The room sat in silence for a bit. They never realized just how significant this lie was to Ranpo. It was literally the thing that saved his life.
“Why didn’t you tell him the truth sooner?” Kenji innocently asked.
“Because…” Fukuzawa looked down at the table, staring back at him was his own reflection. “I was scared. Scared of what his reaction would be. Scared of what he would think of me. I thought as he grew up he would have come to the conclusion on his own, but… it was foolish of me to not correct my mistake sooner.”
Atsushi stood up from his chair with conviction. “We need to find Ranpo-san.”
“But, wait,” Jun'ichirou spoke up, “isn’t that just going to make things worse?”
“He’s right,” Kunikida agreed. “We should let him cool off before we try talking to him again.”
“But he needs to know that we’re worried about him!” Atsushi retorted. “He needs to know we’re there for him!”
Kenji looked at Kunikida. “Do you have any paper left in your notebook?”
“Huh? I would hope so,” Kunikida flipped open his notebook and tore out a piece of paper to give to Kenji.
“What are you planning on doing with that?” Jun'ichirou asked.
Kenji smiled brightly, “What if we write down what we want to say to Ranpo-san before we see him? That way we can clear up any miscommunications before they happen!”
“I like that idea,” Kyouka gently smiled.
“Good thinking, Kenji,” Dazai took Kunikida’s pen and slid it across the table to the young boy. “Maybe we could also get him some sweets in the meantime.”
“That sounds good to me!” Jun'ichirou chimed in.
“What do you think, President?” Kunikida looked at Fukuzawa for approval.
“... I think that sounds perfectly fine.”
“Hooray!” Dazai cheered. “Hey, Atsushi, do you want to accompany me to the candy store?”
“Ah, I think I’m good,” Atsushi nervously backed away. He didn’t want to be in charge of keeping Dazai from killing himself again.
“I can come along,” Jun'ichirou said.
“Me too,” Kyouka volunteered.
“Yay! We’re going to have so much fun!”
“Don’t forget that we’re doing this for Ranpo,” Kunikida warned.
“Aww, you worry too much, Kunikida! I heard that if you don’t have enough fun, your hair will start to fall out!”
Kunikida gasped in horror. “IS THIS TRUE?!”
“Yeah, yeah! You should write this down.”
Kunikida reached out for his pen. “Kenji, could you pass me my-”
“I’m just kidding.”
Kunikida erupted into a furious rage and started yelling at Dazai for “not taking this seriously!” Atsushi smiled while watching the two begin to bicker, feeling like the atmosphere was back to normal.
Fukuzawa coughed.
“By the way. Dazai. Kunikida. We need to talk about these frequent arguments of yours.”
Kunikida, who was strangling Dazai by this point, went pale in the face as Dazai stared with a blank look, as if he was a computer rebooting.
“Ranpo, can you let me in?” Yosano asked as sweetly as she could.
“Go away,” Ranpo sniffled.
Ranpo had locked himself in the restroom and was refusing to come out. Yosano could see from the shadow at the bottom crack of the door that he had curled up on himself again.
“Please, we can talk about this. You don’t have to hide from me.”
On the other end of the door was silence. Yosano sighed in defeat.
“Fine,” she continued, “but I’m staying by this door until you come out. And I’m still going to talk to you, even if you don’t let me in.”
Silence.
“... I know you’re beating yourself up over your reaction from earlier. I know you think that you’ve just burned nearly every bridge you have. But you haven’t. They still care about you, Ranpo. We all do.”
“Shut up!” he finally replied. “You’re just lying to me! That’s all everyone ever does; lie to me! Hell, even I lied to myself!”
Yosano could hear more muffled sobbing coming from the restroom.
“I know you hate me,” he choked out. “I hate myself, too. There was never anything wrong with anyone else, it was me all along! Why am I like this? Why do I cause people to be so miserable?! Why can’t somebody just FIX ME?!”
The sobs had turned to full weeping by now. It broke Yosano’s heart to hear him in such anguish.
“... Please, Ranpo… open the door…”
No response.
“... I’m really worried about you.”
Yosano could hear Ranpo shuffling to stand up. He opened the door with a scowl and watery eyes. Yosano noticed his cheeks were wet and his face was slightly red.
“Why?” he asked. “Why are you so worried? Are you afraid I’m gonna kill myself? Like Dazai?”
“Ranpo-”
“No! I don’t want to hear it! You all knew and you kept it from me! Because it was the one thing I didn’t know that you all did! And you all found it funny, didn’t you?!”
“That’s not true!”
“THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP IT FROM ME?!”
“Because we thought it was for your own good!” Yosano shouted back.
Ranpo took a step back. It was clear from the look on his face alone that he was in disbelief.
“Wh- what do you mean by that?”
“Because we thought that if you found out it was all a lie it was going to crush you. And were we wrong?” Yosano gestured to the disheveled state Ranpo was in.
Was this how she should handle this situation? No.
Did she know this? Yes.
Did she care? Not now.
Because at the moment it seemed like the only way to get through to him.
It felt like the only way to save him from the dark path he was heading down.
Ranpo’s eyes grew wide.
“You mean… No, I don’t believe it. You’re just trying to save face.”
“Ranpo, please listen to me,” Yosano begged. “I’m sorry I held this information from you. And I’m sorry none of us said anything sooner. I just… I just thought it was the right thing to do. For your sake.”
“Oh, please,” Ranpo snapped. “When has this ever been about my sake?”
“Since when Fukuzawa sat you down and told you that lie to begin with!”
Ranpo stood there.
No retort.
No witty comeback.
He stood there. Blankly.
Until it dawned on him.
Lying’s a shitty thing to do. But that shitty thing saved his life.
He doesn’t think he would have survived if it hadn’t been for Fukuzawa’s interference. If it hadn’t been for that lie.
He’s sure he would have become an empty husk of a man if he continued down that road. Not too dissimilar to how Yosano was when they first met.
“I… I-”
Ranpo stood there as if he were in a trance. He felt so stupid. They did all of this for him, knowing that it wasn’t the most moral thing to do, but also knowing how devastated he would be if he found out the truth.
And they were right. He was devastated. But he would have been less devastated if someone, anyone, had just come clean.
But now here he was. He had just told off the people who kept up this elaborate act for what they believed was for his own good.
He walked up to Yosano in a daze. And then rested his forehead on her shoulder.
“... I’m a terrible person,” he muttered.
“Ranpo, that’s not true-”
“I told everyone that they weren’t my friends… because they thought they were helping me.”
An uncomfortable silence grew between the two.
“Yosano,” Ranpo spoke up.
“... Yes?” Despite her growing worry, she tried to keep her voice as calm as she could.
“Do you think the world would be better off without me.”
Blunt. The sentence didn’t even sound like a question.
“I-”
“I think it would,” Ranpo interrupted. “All I do is cause problems for everyone. You’ve all had to walk on eggshells because of me. You’ve had to clean up my messes… Do you think everybody would be better off if I were to disappear-”
“STOP!” Yosano screamed. She grabbed Ranpo by the shoulders and pushed him back towards the door.
Ranpo could finally see Yosano’s face. She was crying.
“DON’T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT!”
“Akiko-”
“I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU!”
Ranpo then remembered what Yosano told him. About one of the men she was made to revive over and over again. About how she heard his dying message to her through the pipes of the army ship they were on.
About how she discovered his body hanging from a noose.
He didn’t realize just how impacted she was by him. This man, whose name he didn’t even know, had such an impact on her. It made him think. Think about how devastated she would be if he were to die.
He never thought about that.
He only thought about himself.
He was selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
So fucking selfish.
Selfish to even consider killing himself.
Selfish to make Yosano’s tears all about him.
Selfish to make everyone play along with his delusion that he’s an ability user.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
That was all he could think of.
He hated himself.
He hated himself so much.
So much so he had to create a different version of himself to even begin to accept who he was.
He suddenly felt a tight pressure on the side of his arms. It took a while for him to register that it was Yosano. She was hugging him.
Why?
He didn’t deserve this.
He had made everyone so miserable.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Yosano’s voice finally registered to him. “And it’s not true. You’re not a burden. You don’t make everyone miserable. You’re not selfish for thinking about-” her voice cracked and the sentence trailed off, but they both knew what she was referring to.
“What am I?” Ranpo asked.
He felt so broken right now. Nothing was making sense. He didn’t want to be here.
“You’re one of the best parts of my day. You’re funny and sweet and you care about your co-workers.” Yosano laughed as she recounted a memory. “Remember when Fukuzawa bought you that giant bag of candies when the two of you went to see that Christmas village and you shared it with us?”
He did remember that. It was a good memory. He loved seeing all those vibrant lights, even if it was so cold he could see his breath. He really liked spending time with the president. He remembered Kunikida’s astonished face when he brought in the giant bag of candy and said they could actually take some.
Ranpo smiled. “I do remember that.”
“And you remember in autumn when you brought back those fallen leaves because you thought they were pretty and wanted to show them to us?”
“Yeah,” he sniffled.
“And you remember when we first met and you gave me my missing butterfly hairpin?”
Ranpo started sobbing again.
“I do.”
Yosano hugged him tighter.
“You saved me. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for you. Thank you, Ranpo.”
Ranpo weeped into her shoulder, just as he had earlier that day. The two stood there in a tight embrace, reminding the other of how loved they are.
Not too long after their crying lulled, Yosano and Ranpo headed to the medical room to gather their bearings. Ranpo fell asleep on one of the beds, and Yosano put a blanket over him as he rested.
When Ranpo woke up, he was surprised not just that there was now a blanket on top of him, but that there was still about two hours of the workday left. He groggily stretched and slid off the bed with the blanket wrapped around him.
“Hey, Ranpo. Feeling better?” Yosano was sitting across the room, working on her computer.
“Yeah, just a little run down.”
“Figures. You’ve had a rough day.”
Ranpo sleepily hummed in agreement.
“... I need to go talk to them.”
“Oh? What for?” Yosano calmly asked.
“I really need to apologize for lashing out at them.”
Yosano stood up from her desk and walked over to Ranpo. Once she reached him, she held out her hand.
“Very well, then. But I’m going to need that blanket back, you know,” she smirked.
Ranpo chuckled and handed it over before heading out the medical room door.
He still felt drained, but he was determined to push through the workday. The least he could do after lashing out at everyone was to do some much needed work. As he walked through the door to the office where he desk was, he was greeted with the sound of a party popper.
“Surprise!” Everyone from the meeting earlier was here. The first thing Ranpo noticed was Kunikida shooting a glare at Dazai.
“Was the party popper really necessary, Dazai? You know he’s probably sensitive to sound since he just woke up.”
“Of course it was!” Dazai obnoxiously smiled. “It’s a very important day. Right, Ranpo?”
“Whu- huh?” Ranpo was still quite worn out from his meltdown and was still trying to make sense of everything in front of him. Kyouka and Kenji were next to a giant mountain of candy on Ranpo’s desk. Fukuzawa was smiling underneath a makeshift banner that said “Congrats!” Atsushi and Jun'ichirou were looking between Ranpo and a sizable cake.
“Should we give it to him now, or…?” Jun'ichirou pondered.
“I still think this may have been a little overkill,” Atsushi muttered. “I doubt even Ranpo-san could eat all this without feeling ill.”
Ranpo peeked over at the cake. “Is that… for me?”
“It sure is,” a familiar voice said.
Ranpo turned around and saw Yosano leaning against the doorframe behind him.
“Akiko, did you know about this?”
“While you were resting, the president let me know about the surprise everyone was planning.”
Ranpo still couldn’t believe it. All of this… was for him? But why? What did he do to deserve this?
Fukuzawa walked up to Ranpo and patted him on the head.
“I hope you know just how proud I am of you. You’ve grown into quite the remarkable man.”
Ranpo could feel the familiar burn of tears welling up again, but these were different. They weren’t from sadness or fear.
They were from joy.
Ranpo felt happy.
And not the fake kind of “happy” he wears on his face everyday like a mask, this was genuine happiness. His co-workers didn’t just accept him. They were also happy. Happy for him.
“Ranpo-san!” Kenji called out. “You should come see your cake!”
Ranpo walked up to where Jun'ichirou and Atsushi were standing and took a better look at the cake. It was a simple Japanese strawberry shortcake with bright red berries and elegant whipped cream. Ranpo felt his mouth start to water just looking at it.
“Why… Why did you all do this? I yelled at you, why don’t you hate me?” Ranpo just couldn’t understand.
Kunikida stepped forward and gave him a soft smile.
“Because we care about you, Ranpo.”
“We were really scared, you know,” Atsushi chimed in. “I wanted to go find you after you ran off to let you know that we’re here for you. But Kunikida pointed out you probably needed some time to yourself. Kenji actually came up with the idea that we should write down everything we wanted to tell you before we saw you again.”
“Oh! That’s right!” Kenji jogged over to Ranpo and took out a sheet of paper. He cleared his throat, “Ranpo-san, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. You would always make me feel better when I talked about missing my village or if I would get confused with how Yokohama operates. I enjoyed hearing stories about your personal life as it always cheered me up and made me feel less alone. I hope I can do the same for you!”
Kenji looked up from the paper with a cheerful smile and glittering eyes.
“Kenji…” Ranpo was touched by the boy’s words.
“Can I give you a hug?” Kenji asked.
Ranpo’s face softened, “Yeah, of course you can.”
As Kenji wrapped his arms around Ranpo, Atsushi pulled out his own sheet of paper from his pocket.
“Ranpo-san. When we first met, I have to admit, I didn’t understand you at first. I never understood how you could always be so confident even when you weren’t able to do common things. But then, it dawned on me today.” Atsushi looked up from the paper. “You’ve been internalizing everything this whole time, haven’t you?”
Ranpo’s eyes widened before he quickly turned his gaze away.
“It’s alright… I can understand why,” Atsushi continued. “When I was in the orphanage, I was always told how useless I was, how I would never amount to anything. And I believed it. I still have thoughts about how the world would be better off without me.”
“Atsushi…” Ranpo said softly. He never realized just how broken this boy was. He felt like an absolute asshole for making Atsushi look into the orphanage director’s murder on his behalf.
“It wasn’t until I met everyone here that I was able to realize that… maybe I can do something good. I know you weren’t extremely fond of me when we first met, but I still looked up to you. You and everyone else here at the Agency inspired me.
“My point is… you’re not alone. Ranpo-san, I’m always here for you. We all are.” Atsushi grabbed Ranpo’s right hand with both of his own. “So please, tell us what you’re feeling. We want to help you. No one should have to go through what you did and you shouldn’t have to suffer alone.” Atsushi timidly looked away, “That’s all.”
“Atsushi… Do you want to join the hug?” Ranpo asked.
Atsushi smiled with a slow nod before embracing the two.
“Uh, I’ll go next,” Jun'ichirou unfolded his paper. “Ranpo-san, you’ve always had my respect. But after today, I think it has somehow deepened. Learning about what you had to go through just put into perspective how incredible and resilient you are. I don’t think I could ever hold the lie you kept as a comfort to keep sane over you. Nor do I think anyone should. Whether you have an ability or not doesn’t and shouldn’t matter; it’s your actions and dedication that I respect.”
Jun'ichirou continued as he joined in on the hug, “I’m glad you’re here with us, Ranpo-san.”
Kyouka shyly walked over and took her turn to speak.
“I remember being scared when I came to the Agency. I didn’t know how everyone would react to me, especially after everything I’ve done. But you were all so nice to me. I remember first meeting Ranpo-san and seeing how excited he was when we were introduced. I remember you ran out to the store to get some candies for me to try. It was really fun. Thank you. You’ve always seen when I needed help or advice, so now I want to return the favor.”
Kyouka joined the growing group hug, “Let me know when you're sad so I can make you happy like what you did for me, okay?”
Ranpo looked at her with a solemn smile.
“Thank you, Kyouka.”
Kunikida stepped forward. “I suppose it’s my turn to go.”
“You’ll do great, Kunikida!” Dazai cheered from behind him.
“Shut it, Dazai!” Kunikida cleared his throat before proceeding. “Ranpo-san, much like everyone here I’ve always had great respect for you. You are truly the best of us, regardless of whether or not you have an ability. I apologize if my comments of you being the ‘ideal ability user’ made this process difficult for you, both in terms of personal acceptance and telling us this information. It was not my intention, but I feel deeply ashamed that I may have harmed you with such careless words. I sincerely apologize,” Kunikida deeply bowed.
Ranpo smirked. “You can make it up to me by coming over here, you know.”
Kunikida was shocked at the suggestion at first (such sentimentality is rarely seen in the workfield, how could Kunikida do something so unprofessional?), but soon realized it was Ranpo’s way of accepting his apology.
“Thank you, Ranpo-san,” he calmly walked over and embraced the detective and the rest of the group.
“Yay! My turn!” Dazai excitedly waved his paper around in the air.
“Don’t make this into a joke, Dazai!” Kunikida called out, which admittedly startled Ranpo.
Dazai unfolded his paper with precision and put his balled up hand to his mouth as he cleared his throat.
And then threw the paper behind him.
Everyone was both confused and concerned. Just what was Dazai doing?!
Dazai slowly made his way up to Ranpo with an uncharacteristically stoic expression.
“... You don’t have to fake it anymore. As time went on as I worked at the Agency, I could start to see through you more and more. I knew you kept a part of yourself locked up. A part of you that you don’t want others to see. That part of you was liberated today. And I’m sure it was far from easy.”
Ranpo was once again at a loss for words. He didn’t realize Dazai had seen through his act. Or maybe it was because Ranpo (once again) didn’t want to see it. But what surprised him most was Dazai’s maturity.
Dazai gave him a smile, a genuine smile, and put his hand on Ranpo’s shoulder.
“I’m proud of you, Ranpo-san.”
Ranpo grabbed Dazai’s wrist and gently tugged him forward, causing Dazai to step into the hug. Dazai, shocked by the sudden action, went back to smiling, this time a little softer. Ranpo wrapped his arms around his co-workers- no. His friends.
These were his friends.
They always were.
Fukuzawa stepped forward with Yosano to his side. It didn’t take long before the latter joined in on the hug. Fukuzawa smiled to himself as he saw the man he took care of when he was at his lowest begin to grin.
Perhaps they weren’t just friends, either. Perhaps… this was family.
Ranpo couldn’t find any more tears left to shed, so he laughed instead. He was overtaken by the joy of knowing that the people he loved and cared so deeply about didn’t hate him. They never did. They loved him back and wanted to tell him how proud they were of him. They supported him even when he himself was torn on how to feel.
Once the hug dissipated, everyone received a slice of cake. The rest of the workday was spent with celebration and laughter. (Although the joyous atmosphere didn’t keep Dazai from talking about killing himself, nor did it keep him and Kunikida from arguing.)
Ranpo still felt terrible about lashing out earlier and apologized to everyone individually. However, no one really seemed to be upset with him. Rather, they were just happy to see him back to his normal self.
Was this his normal self?
His normal self was so very insecure. Ranpo’s cheerfulness always felt more like a performance than sincerity.
But this was different. Ranpo wasn’t forcing himself to smile. He really was happy. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt… alive. No longer did he feel like a broken machine, but instead a real living human being. A human who has his flaws of course (as with all humans), but also one who was loved unconditionally.
Ranpo felt free.
And he wouldn’t trade this moment for the world.