Chapter Text
J.J. reminded himself every morning to be thankful. To be thankful for life, to be thankful for being a successful defensive man on a successful hockey team, to be thankful for his family and most importantly - to be thankful for the brothers he accumulated by playing the sport that he loves. However, in this continuous basking of thankfulness and gratitude, J.J. has sometimes found himself feeling empty. He was told many times that he was a complex puzzle, full of excitement and whimsy but very hard to put together. On many days, he felt completed; all the pieces matching together - creating a picture of beauty, wonder, and sometimes grace. But there were plenty days where he felt the piece or pieces were missing. He sought day in and day out to figure that out.
When he was a teen, he thought the missing piece was hockey. He poured his entire life into the sport. He was the first one on the ice, and the last one to leave. He would watch the greats and mimic their moves, hoping to impress the various recruits.
By 20, he had hockey, but he still felt empty. He looked around his locker room, looking from solace from the other men. In his attempts of locker room commadore, he found himself attached to hips of Hayden Pike and what he moniker as MHL’s greatest, Shane Hollander. He looked to Hayden for guidance and support and leaned on Shane for comfort as they navigated the league as one of the few minorities. And then 2014 happened, he found himself in a group chat with Shane, New York’s Carter Vaughn, and Ottawa’s newest rookie Zane Boodram. A chat centered on the struggles they faced as minorities, hoping to provide support for each other. It became family. J.J. assumed that this was the missing piece.
Then one day, Shane sat him and Hayden down. Shane’s eyes were brimmed with tears, holding on to the truth that would change the trajectory of their lives forever. When Shane slowly whispered the words “I’m gay” J.J. felt his stomach immediately turn. It was not one disgust or disappointment, but one of realization. While he pushed the initial reaction down to show his support to his friend, his frère, his capitaine, the thought haunted him for days. On the third day he called Shane with a slight panic in his voice but hoping that they both can support each other in the information he was about to share.
“I didn’t want to say it when you came out to us, because I felt that moment needed to be about you, but...” He took a deep breath, finally about to admit out loud about the life he has been living since he was 16 years. “Je pense que non, je suis bisexual Shane. Plusieurs fois, j’ai eu des relations sexuelles avec des hommes, et parfois je préfère même ça.”
J.J. thought that was the final piece. While he knew that he couldn’t live his truth out loud, he knew he would be able to confide in his brother. That was March 2017. Then the following May, after the concussion, the broken collar bone, and the Voyageurs out of the playoffs, Shane sat both down again. The following information shook his world.
“I’ve been in some sort of relationship with a player since my rookie year.”
“What about Boston Lily?” Hayden questioned. The silence between the three men grew loud as they started to put the pieces together. Without saying a further word, they knew that Boston Lily was now Ilya Rozanov.
It took a while for J.J. to process that information. That was supposed to be their rival, the evil compared to Shane’s good. The anti-Christ that no one spoke nicely about. Then the information started to bring more comfort to him. It wasn’t just him and Shane in the league who was holding on to what was deem a dark secret. J.J. finally thought that was the final piece.
June 2017, the Admirals won. J.J. found himself tracking Carter Vaughn’s movement as he celebrated on the ice, and then his world view change, Scott Hunter kissed a man. Frantically typing away in the shared group chat, he wondered what this meant. While they laughed at Boodram’s initial statement, it truly had him wondering, what does that mean for the league? J.J. found himself being a little less careful, feeling a little more free, willing to explore, flirt and get loose. The last serious relationship he had didn’t work. His mother questioning her loyalty and her intentions with her son. Once the woman was out of his mother’s sight, she sternly said to him “Pa fè fanm sa a tounen lakay mewn.” Do not bring that woman back into my house. Since then, he never brought anyone back to his mother. He wondered what her reaction would be if he brought a man home, if he would be welcomed -if J.J. would be welcomed.
He knew his up bringing - strict, religious, Haitian. There would be times his mother and aunts would pray for hours about his safety and hopes he don’t become a worldly person. His first tattoo brought him a cursing that still sends shivers down his spine. The first pictures of him out in the club triggered a five-hour prayer meeting amongst his aunts and the church elders. So, bringing a man home sounded like a horrible idea every time he thought about it. It didn’t mean he didn’t love his mother; it just made his love for her a little more complicated.
“Map renmwn ou toujou. Ou se ti bebe mwen Jean-Jaques.” I will always love you. You are my baby. “Wi manman, mewn konnen.” Yes mommy, I know.
This brings J.J. to his current reality. December 2020 and the Voyageurs just beat the Admirals 4-3 in an exhilarating game. It was also the end of a grueling road trip that had the team spending a week on the west coast and another going up the east. A clear sign that the MHL scheduling department hates them. They won at Edmonton, and he met with a Haitian woman named Sophie. A statement win in Vancouver where he met with a blue eyed- blonde guy named Issac. A close loss in LA, where he drowned his sorrows in the arms of Emma from Compton and Cyril from Uganda. Easy wins in Tampa and New Jersey, celebrated with quick blowjobs from names he couldn’t remember. It was indeed a road trip.
Exhausted couldn’t fully described what J.J. felt. His body was tired, his brain was out of it, and he just wanted to relax. This is how he and Shane found themselves at the Kingfisher, waiting to hang out with Carter. By this time, it was normal for those who supported Scott Hunter to visit the bar, contributing to the business and if nosey enough, to see the man that captured Hunter’s heart. Tonight was a slower night, as most patrons left when the clock went to zero. This was perfect. It gave the players time to catch up and not having to be bothered with fans trying to get into their space.
“Kip honestly should charge you guys double. I think that’s a fair deal.” Carter’s voice laced with amusement, snapped J.J. out of his thoughts. The three men laughed as three pints of beers were placed in front of them.
“Sounding like a sore loser Vaughny. I expect better from you.” Shane said with a bright smile across his face, knowing that he scored the winning goal.
“Yeah, don’t be a mauvais perdant Vaughny.” J.J. stuck his tongue out. Carter rolled his eyes at the teasing before bringing his pint to his lips. J.J. felt himself take a deep breath as his eyes lingered as how the Carter’s pinks lips attached itself the glass. He found himself always being extra attentive to the older man but never dared to make a move. J.J. quickly picked up his glass, swallowing more beer than he intended. He needed to keep whatever he is feeling down. He would keep the filthy thoughts for later, where it was just himself on the hotel bed, stroking his dick at his wild imagination.
Shane turned to J.J. with a raised brow as he felt the man next to him tense. His eyes then darted towards to Carter, who was also watching J.J. with dark eyes, eyes that he hasn’t seen before, eyes that probably mean something different. Unsure on the quiet game that was being played between his friends, he quickly cleared his throat, snapping them out of their haze.
“Y’all okay?” Shane chuckled before taking a sip of his beer. J.J. quickly adjusted him in the seat, fixing his posture to elevate his already tall height. Carter quickly but his glass down as he nodded his head with a bashful smile.
“Well, I lost, so not really.” Carter quickly joked. Shane hummed at the response before allowing the conversation to bleed into one about what’s happening around the league, random pop culture tidbits and the occasionally weird flirting that was happening between J.J. and Carter.
Soon enough, the night was ending and two Voyageurs needed to get back to their hotel by the team’s mandated curfew.
“Vaughny, there is no need to walk us to our hotel. It’s only two blocks away.” J.J. mentioned as he zipped up his winter jacket, bracing for the coldness of NYC’s winter. Shane nodded his head in agreement as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat.
“J.J. is right, I think us two big boys are perfectly fine.” Shane chuckled pushing the door for them to exit. Carter shrugged as he finished zipping up his coat and braced for the cold.
“Exactly, it’s only two blocks and I should be a good host.” He mentioned as the three got into step down the sidewalk. “Plus J.J. had to show me his Nintendo switch that he forgot to bring.”
“Sounds like a good point to me.” Shane shrugged. J.J. hummed as he looked up and made eye contact with Carter. J.J. swore to himself as he watched the man’s brown eyes twinkled under the harsh yellow tones of the city’s lights. As if he was communicating something, want, need, lust. J.J. swallowed, quickly setting back into the conversation that Shane was initiating. It was only two blocks; he kept reminding himself. Carter would check out the game console and leave. He would be to his own devices to live in his own filthy thought. The night could only go this way. J.J. would calm the beast that made him the teams slut, because this felt forbidden.
“Thank God we know how to walk quickly.” Shane huffed as the warm air of the hotel lobby hit their faces. “Why is it so fucking cold?”
“As a Canadian, I’m surprised you’re complaining.” Carter laughed as their bodies moved towards the elevators.
“Just because I’ve lived in the cold all my life, doesn’t mean I like it.” Shane huffed, pressed the up button to call the elevator.
“Pareil, I am not made for this shit. I deserve to be in the tropics.” J.J. also complained. Carter laughed at the two men as the empty elevator opened. The three them took a step in, with Shane hitting the button for the 6th floor and J.J. for the 8th. The quick ride up was silent, as the men took in the moment to regain themselves. As the elevator reached to the 6th, Shane gave his goodbyes, giving Carter a quick hug and reminding J.J. that they need to be downstairs for 7am. Once the elevator closed again, J.J. found himself inching towards Carter more.
“Sheesh, a 7am call time, and it’s already 2:30, don’t worry, I wouldn’t keep you up late.” Carter mentioned with a bright smile. J.J. let out a deep chuckle as he ran his hands over his face.
“I’m not worried about me reaching in time, I’m worried if you’re able to keep up.” J.J. smiled to himself at the flirt, as the elevator opened. Carter was a step behind, jaw slightly ajar at his statement J.J’s mind immediately imagined it opened wider, wondering how his lips would look wrapped around his dick. He let out a small growl, hopping that he could pushed the thought to the back of his head. He had to remind himself that those were thoughts for later.
As they got to the room, J.J. quickly pulled out the key card, pressing it against the lock until the door clicked. Pushing it open, he stepped in, letting Carter close the door behind him.
“Let me go get the switch.” J.J. mumbled as he rushed to his bag where the device was. He felt’s Carter presence looming behind him, and his thoughts were starting to mush into one. He had no idea where admiration started and where lust ended, but he had to do one thing before he went insane.
J.J. turned around with the console in his hand and quickly threw it on the bed. In two quick strides he moved towards Carter and pulled him closer by his jacket. The self-control, the restraint, all left the window as he pressed his lips against Carter’s. His brain finally catching up with his actions, chastised him, but was immediately put to rest as Carter kissed him back. Deeply, passionately, grabbing J.J’s face closer to him. As the kiss got sloppier, the two men quickly pulled back, with their heavy breaths filling the room.
“Merde”