Chapter Text
I shuffled in my sleep, I swear I hear tiny voices singing but I ignore it and try to drift back to sleep. I just assume it's just one of my family members watching television. My eyes squeeze in annoyance as the voices get louder and louder. "Hey turn that down!" I yell bolting up from my bed angrily. I then realize the voices are coming from within my room... I listen quietly, I can almost make out their words. Wait! I hear them now! I look around my dark room but I can't see anything so I switch on my bedside lamp noticing the clock read 3:00 am. I stay quiet waiting for the voices to start up again, all I hear is silence. Okay Stan get it together! Hearing voices? Who are you, Tweek!? I sigh and switch off my lamp, chuckling a bit at my stupidity, but my breath halts when I here the voices again.
"Time to go to work, Work all day, We need underpants hey! We won't stop until we have underpants! Yum tum yummy tum tay!" My eyes widen, I jump up and run across my room to the main light switch. Once the lights flash on my eyes land on a group of three tiny men with beards and pointy hats. W-Wait are they Gnomes!? They stare blankly at me and I'm probably mirroring their expression.
"G-gnomes!?" I yell in disbelief.
"Fuck we've been caught!" One gnome yelled.
"We're going to have to kill him" said another.
"Kill me?" I snorted, "you're way too small to kill me." I smirk at the small hatted men.
"We can fix that" They snickered in unison. I didn't have time to react before one of them pulled out a bag and threw a handful of the dusty contents on me. My body felt tingly and my skin began to tighten as I shrunk. Next thing I knew I was standing level to the gnomes, I blinked a couple times, my head whipped back and forth.
"You assholes shrunk me!" I yelled.
"Yep and now we're going to kill you" they said, again in creepy unison. I backed away from them but my back hit a wall and I had no where to run. My eyes wandered around the room for an escape route or a weapon. I spotted a pencil under my nightstand. A gnome charged me but I dodged him, sliding on my stomach to the pencil. I grabbed it and quickly got on my feet, I held the pointy side towards the gnomes. They pulled out their own weapons, I held my pencil up and screamed as I ran towards them ready to kick their asses.
-
I shot up in my bed panting, my alarm clock blared from beside me. I slammed my fist down on it and there was silence. I groaned and slumped back down on my bed. My body hurt. Did that really happen last night or was that just a dream? I smashed my face into my pillow. I didn't want to get up, I rarely did anymore. I felt something under my pillow. It felt like a soft velvety ball. I pulled it out and looked at it, it was the the bag I'd stolen last night from the gnomes. It was a small, purple bag full of white dust that they used to shrink me last night.
"So I guess it wasn't a dream.." I mumbled. I got to say those gnomes were pussies, one hit and they were out. After I beat them I stole their powder and sprinkled some over my head. I was glad it turned me back instead of turning me tinier. I looked down at the small bag, it was about the size of a baseball. I don't really think I'll need this but who knows. I shrugged and got up to start getting ready for school. I undressed after picking out my clothes for the day, I pulled on some blue jeans and a plain white shirt, I put my signature poof ball hat on and my brown leather jacket, then I was ready to go. I grabbed my backpack and made my way down stairs. No one was up but me. I preferred it that way, I didn't have to put up with my family today. My parents almost got divorced again recently but decided to keep it together for me. I really wish they'd just work it out or end it because it's getting annoying listening to them act like they're fine when I know for a fact they aren't getting along. It's not like they are dying to spend time with me anyways, I'm lucky if I even get a good morning anymore.. My mom set up some counselling meetings with Mr. Mackey but there's no way I'm going to those! I grab a granola bar from the cupboard and then I'm out. I slammed the door shut yelling "Goodbye!" If I have to get up early they can too.
-
The air today wasn't very cold but it wasn't warm either. It was kind of nice out today, aside from all the snow. I guess you get used to it though, living in a mountain town after all. I kicked a rock on the icy sidewalk, my hands were shoved in my jacket pockets. I've been so bored lately! Maybe I should get back into sports again. I frowned. If I did that I'd have to see Wendy all the time and I wasn't ready for that. The bus stop came into view ahead and so did Kyle and Cartman. Kyle and Cartman seem to be conversing, Kyle's face was red and his eyebrows were scrunched meaning they must be fighting. I jogged up to them and wave.
"Hey guys" I greeted.
"Hi Stan," Kyle smiled Cartman rolled his eyes.
"God damn faggy hippie" Cartman mumbled, I gave him an annoyed look but I continued to talk to Kyle, ignoring him.
"Did you see the Terrence and Phillip episode last night?" Kyle asked, his eyes lit up happily.
"Yeah dude, it was probably the funniest one I've seen!" We both laughed as we quoted the episode. I noticed Cartman was being unusually quiet. "Hey fat ass what's with you?" I asked returning the rude fashion he greeted me with. He glared at me.
"Screw off!" I looked at Kyle who shrugged.
"Hey guys!" We all looked over at our friend Kenny, he was walking up to us. His blonde hair becoming more messy in the wind. Kenny stopped wearing his hood all the time, sometimes he doesn't even where his orange parka. I had to admit Kenny was pretty good looking which was probably why he got around so much. I looked at my friends thinking about how different our seventeen year old selves are from our nine year old selves. We've all grown up a lot. Kyle finally was confident enough not to hide his hair anymore, I mean is has settled down, it was still really curly but in a more styled kind of way. Cartman believe it or not isn't super fat anymore, he slimmed down a bit but he wasn't really skinny, I guess he is kind of big boned but that doesn't stop anyone from calling him fat ass out of spite. Cartman was just a big guy in general, he hit a growth spurt a couple years ago and grew into his body. He was built like a football player, he had very broad shoulders and was like six feet tall. Kenny was telling a story about some girl he hooked up with last night, I tuned him out. I wasn't interested in girls lately, I wasn't really interested in anything right now though. I slid my hands back into my pockets, I instantly felt the velvet fabric of the shrink powder bag. I pulled it out and looked at it, I still couldn't really comprehend the fact that underpants gnomes exist. I guess I owe Tweek an apology....
"What's that?" Kyle asked pointing at the bag, I shoved it back in my pocket.
"Nothing," I shrugged. Kyle eyed me suspiciously but dropped it and continued to argue with Cartman. The bus soon pulled up, our bitchy bus driver shouted at us.
"Get in and shut up!"
"Annoying bitch." I mumbled.
"What did you say!?" She growled back.
"I said I like to fish." I lied.
"Oh me too." She nodded and turned to the front, the four of us hopped onto the bus. I sat with Kyle in the very back and Cartman and Kenny sat in front of us.
"Do you guys want to come over after school?" Kyle asked all of us.
"Sure." I smiled, anywhere but my dreary house.
"Yeah, sure, if I'm not busy Jew." Cartman grumbled like he was too cool, but we all knew he wanted to come over too.
"I can't." Kenny shrugged and looked back down as his PSP.
"Why not?" Kyle asked.
"I just can't. Okay." Kenny shrugged. I rose a brow at him, he sounded a little defensive. We all dropped it and Kyle mumble. After that we all just stayed quite which I took the time to think a little. There's just something about life lately that looks dull. Everything I did or saw just made me feel empty. I didn't even feel sad about Wendy, just a blank nothingness. We grew up and then we grew out of each other. Apparently I was mopey and cynical all the time and it drove her off. After that I kind of learned to keep it inside. No one liked it when I actually was myself, they wanted the old happy, fun Stan. I wasn't him anymore, this was me... Old Stan kicked the bucket a long ass time ago. I started writing poems again, it felt nice to make something. Multiple times I thought about going Goth again, but that'll just cause a commotion. Maybe I'm depressed but who isn't?
-
We arrived at the school and I went straight to my locker with Kyle. We did our regular morning schedule that every kid eventually makes after attending school for a while. Kyle and I were walking to our first class when we heard the announcements blared through the halls.
"STAN MARSH TO THE COUNSELORS OFFICE! M'KAY." The bland voice of Mr.Mackey called.
Kyle looked at me, "What'd you do?" he asked me.
I haven't told Kyle about my moms decision for me to talk to Mr.Mackey once a week. She must of called him! I sigh.
"I don't know, I'll see you later." I waved, he nodded and we parted ways. I knew my mom wouldn't be happy if I skipped so I just went. It was as I predicted. Mackey sat there and asked me how I was doing and how I was dealing with my home life right now. I told him I was fine but he insisted I take a dumb notebook from him to journal in about my feelings... Ugh why does everyone insist I'm not okay? I mean I've had my past problems but I'm fine now! For the most part. Nothing more than regular teenage melancholy. I threw the book into my backpack and went to my next class. The rest of the school day went by like any other, I sat through boring class after boring class. I had to stay in during lunch because I missed a test thanks to Mackey, meaning I had no break! Finally I was sitting in the last class of the day, five minutes until the bell rang, granting me my freedom! I slumped in my chair, I didn't really have anyone in my class to talk to, well except for Butters but he seem distracted. He was doodling in his notebook, it looked like a poem or something. I watched him, his cheeks were dusted pink. He chew his lip in concentration as he wrote, it made me even more then a little curious about the contents of which he was writing.
"Hey Butters, whatcha writing?" I asked. He slammed his book shut.
"N-nothing!" He stuttered, he started to rub his knuckles together "I-It was just... homework". He never was good at lying but I decided to mind my business. I looked at Butters outfit, he'd adopted a type cute of style, he wore pastel sweaters that always looked a bit too big for him but it was cute in a way I guess. He also like to wear clips or bows in his blonde hair. It suited him. He looked like a purse dog someone liked to dress up. I was going to comment on his outfit but the bell interrupted me. Butters bolted out of the classroom, I frowned he was definitely hiding something. I gathered my things and left. I met Kyle at his locker, Cartman was already there. They were whispering to each other, when I got close enough they instantly stopped.
"Hey guys." I greeted with a confused frown. Why was everyone hiding something today?
"Hey Stan," Kyle smiled.
"Aye douche." Cartman glared at me again. What's his problem today? I haven't done anything to piss him off! But I guess with Cartman he didn't need a reason. Kyle closed his locker and slung his backpack over his shoulder.
"Okay let's go." He beckoned us to follow him.
-
The walk to Kyle's house was quiet. Too quiet. Kyle and Cartman were hiding something, I watched them closely hoping they'd let something hide but I got nothing! I came up with multiple theories, none of which made sense. When we arrived at Kyle's we decided to play game sphere and I kicked everyone's ass. We all talked about random stuff and munched on cheesy poofs. I clicked my controller frantically and boom, I won the game round. Again.
"Okay screw this!" Cartman threw his controller down.
"Dude don't be pissy just because Stan's kicking our asses." Kyle rolled his eyes.
"Shut up Kahl!" He snapped.
"Why don't we just watch a movie?" I suggested, they both nodded. Kyle popped in a random movie and we all sat on the couch. Kyle was in the middle of Cartman and I. I felt Kyle fidgeting beside me, I glanced over to see Cartman whisper something in his ear. It must of pissed Kyle off because he slapped Cartman across the face and stood up.
"Fuck you fat-ass!" He yelled before storming upstairs to his room.
"What the hell did you say!?" I asked.
"None of your business hippy!" He glared at me. I stood up to go ask Kyle but my arm was grabbed b Cartman.
"Stay here, I'll go talk to the Jew." He went upstairs and I stared after him. What the hell is with those two!? I sighed and slumped on the couch, I wish there was a way I could see what they were hiding without being caught. A light bulb then went off, I could shrink and spy on them! But that was kind of invasive... Whatever I need to know. With curiosity winning over, I tip toe upstairs. Cartman was knocking on Kyle's door
"Kyle I'm sorry, please come out." Cartman cooed. What the hell? Did Cartman just apologize? I took out the shrink powder and sprinkled it over my head. Once shrunk I scurried over to Kyle's door. Cartman didn't seem to notice me. He called for Kyle again but was answered with silence. "Fine then I'm just coming in!" He opened the door, I slipped in behind him and climbed up the drawer handles of Kyle's dresser so I had perfect view of them. I hid behind some books and silently watched the two. Kyle was curled in a ball under his blanket, Cartman sat on the edge of the bed and poked Kyle through the blanket. "Kyle." He said softly, " Com'on babe please I'm sorry." My eyes widened. Cartman just called Kyle babe! And I've never heard Cartman talk that nicely. Kyle sat up and pulled the blankets off of him.
"Don't babe me! I told you not to do that kind of stuff especially in front of people! Stan could've noticed you touching me!" He yelled. Cartman sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Stan! Stan! Stan! That's all I fucking hear from you!" He growled. I was frozen in spot as I watched them. I was so confused.
"Wait. Eric are.." He held Cartman's hand. "Are you jealous of Stan?" He asked his tone softened.
"Well he's all you ever talk about and you smile every time he's around... Of course I'd be jealous!" Cartman shifted as his cheeks turned red, Kyle smiled a bit.
"Eric, I'm in love with you. Not Stan." I felt my breath stop with those words. I watched Kyle pull Cartman down into a kiss, Cartman's hand pulled Kyle closer by his hips and Kyle's arms wrapped around Cartman's neck. My face heated up, I should be creep out but it's kind of hot!? I leaned in watching them intensely. Cartman soon had pinned Kyle on the bed, their mouths moved together perfectly. Kyle's hands gripped Cartman's brown hair pulling him closer. I could see their tongues glide against each other. I must of leaned a little too much because I knocked a book off the dresser. The both of them jumped away from each other looking around, expecting to see someone. They both sighed in relief.
"We better go back downstairs," Kyle said "Stan will start to wonder where we went." Cartman nodded, but he quickly pecked Kyle's lips one more time.
"I love you," Cartman smiled.
"I love you too." Kyle linked their hands and they left. I then realized that I was here and they thought I was down there! I jumped off the dresser and bolted out the open door. They were heading down the stairs, I climbed a sweater that was conveniently hanging on the stair rail and slid down the rail. Luckily the two didn't notice me as I jumped down and ran to the living room. I quickly changed back and sat on the couch, they walked in their hands no longer linked.
"Hey guys," I waved trying not to pant. "Did fat-ass apologize?" I asked already knowing the answer.
"As if I'd apologize!" Cartman rolled his eyes "I just told Kyle he was being a pussy and should suck it up!"
"Yeah, that's what happened" Kyle scoffed rolling his eyes.
"What did Cartman even say to you Kyle?" I asked, Kyle's face went red.
"Um nothing important dude....Just some stuff about Jews that I'd rather forget." I definitely could tell he was lying. I stood up and stretched.
"Well I have to go home." I lied.
"Oh okay then.." Kyle gave me a weird look "Bye Stan.
"Good riddance hippy!" Cartman waved and plopped down on the couch.
"Bye guys." I shot a dirty look towards Cartman and a smile to Kyle before I walked over to the front door, it was just out of view of the living room. I grabbed some dust from the bag and open the door "Bye!" I shouted and shut the door, so a loud bang was heard. I then threw the dust over me and shrunk to gnome size. I snuck back to the living room and hid behind the TV stand. I could clearly see Kyle and Cartman sitting on the couch. I know this was weird and wrong but I really just wanted to see what else they'd do! It was clear that they were secretly dating. I wonder for how long, and why hadn't I noticed it before? There were so many signs! Now that I think about it, why hadn't I seen this sooner!? I watched them intently but they just continued to watch the movie not saying a word. Kyle shifted a little closer to the Cartman, his face flushed slightly.
"So.....did I tell you my parents are gone all weekend" Kyle said casually, Cartman smiled deviously and pulled Kyle up onto his lap.
"Now Kyle are you hinting at something?" he smirked.
"I don't know." He leaned in and rubbed his nose on Cartman's. "Am I?" Kyle said in a toned I've never heard him use, it was playful but also seductive. Cartman smirked and connected their lips. I got the same weird feeling I got before. I really shouldn't be watching them like this but they were cute together! And... Hot... Kyle shifted so he was straddling Cartman now with his back to me. I saw Cartman's hands slide down Kyle's back and grab his ass. My face heated when I heard Kyle moan. In one swift movement Kyle was pinned under Cartman, who began to kiss and nip at Kyle's collar bone and neck. Kyle moaned "E-Eric!" Cartman pulls off Kyle's shirt along with his own and throws them behind him. He goes back to kissing Kyle's lips, their hips grind into each other. The room was filled with a series of moans. Kyle pushes Cartman back so he's laying on the couch. Kyle smirks playfully as he slowly crawls onto Cartman. He licks down Cartman's neck and continues downward leaving a hickey trail. Kyle stops at his pants, he slowly unbuttons his jeans and then unzips them. Kyle then pulls them off along with Cartman's boxers. Cartman's dick stands up, it's bigger than I thought it'd be.... I gulp as I watch Kyle lean down and lick up the shaft afterwards taking the tip into his mouth and he sucks it.
"Ah fuck Kyle!" Cartman groaned, encouraging Kyle to take the whole thing. Kyle's head bobs up and down. Cartman groans in pleasure. His big hand pushes along with Kyle, his fingers tangle into Kyle's curly, red hair. They're at it for a good ten minutes before Kyle pulls back. He shuffles his pants and boxers off revealing his own erection. Cartman smirks and pulls his backpack over to retrieve a bottle of lube from it, does he really just carry lube around? Cartman squeezes the contents onto his hands and covers his fingers. Kyle lays on his back with his legs spread, Cartman gently pulls Kyle's legs over his shoulders and begins to prod Kyle's entrance. After one digit is in Cartman thrusts in a second, Kyle grips the couch side and hisses a little. After Kyle's good, Cartman soon adds a third finger and starts thrusting them in and out.
"Oh god! Cartman hit there again!" Kyle moans, Cartman chuckles and begins to thrust faster, Kyle pants, mewling Cartman's name. Cartman takes his fingers out and lubes up his dick and positions it over Kyle's entrance. He slowly pushes into Kyle. Once Cartman's dick is all the way in, Kyle nods for him to continue. Cartman starts thrusting slowly, picking up pace as he goes. Kyle's moans get louder his hips move meeting Cartman's thrust. "Oh fuck! Eric!" Kyle moans sounding like he's in pure bliss. Cartman smirks and begins to thrust faster and harder, his hand grips Kyle's dick and rubs it in time with his thrusts. "I-I'm going to cum!" Kyle says in a gaspy voice before he cums on his stomach. Cartman pulls out and finishes on Kyle. Cartman pulls Kyle into a hug, Kyle leans his head on Cartman shoulder. "I love you," he sleepily mumbles. Cartman kisses his forehead. They lay there for awhile just breathing, Kyle must of drifted off because Cartman carefully moves Kyle off of him so he's lying on the couch. Cartman runs upstairs, I wait wondering what he's up to. He comes back down with a cloth and blanket. He pulls a pair of pajamas out of his backpack. Cartman wipes Kyle down carefully, trying not to wake him. He then slips the button up pajama shirt onto him and places the blanket on him. Cartman pulls the matching bottoms on and heads into the kitchen. I wait and watch Kyle turn in his sleep, he's smiling calmly full of peace. Cartman soon came back with a tray, which has two mugs and a plate of cookies on it. He places the tray on the coffee table. After putting a disk in the DVD player Cartman shakes Kyle softly.
"Babe, you fell asleep. Wake up Kyle," he whispered kindly. Kyle groans and opens his eyes, he sit up and stretches looking at Cartman sleepily.
"Oh sorry" he apologizes.
"No problem babe, I made you some coco." Cartman smiles handing him a mug, Kyle's eyes lit up gleefully and he takes the cup, sipping it.
"Thanks, you're such a wife." He teased with a smile.
"Shut up." Cartman leaned down to kiss Kyle's lips. He then sits down and pulls Kyle over so his arms can be wrapped around Kyle's shoulders. Kyle leaned his head on Cartman, nuzzling his chest. Cartman kissed his head and press play on the remote. They sat on the couch and cuddled, Cartman fed Kyle a cookie making Kyle laugh and return the gesture. I smiled, I never thought that Kyle and Cartman would be the cutest thing I'd ever seen! I decide to leave and let them really be alone. I sneak to the front door and grow back to normal size. I open the door quietly and walk out, silently shutting the door behind me.
-
I sigh deeply and started walking down the sidewalk, Kyle and Cartman fresh in my mind. I was oddly unfazed at seeing them do it. Shouldn't I be grossed out? Or at least shocked? The actual sex was actually not the thing I was focusing on, it was the gentle affection and tentativeness they had for each other afterwards. The way Cartman looked at Kyle while he slept and just the whole interaction between the two. After them fighting with each other their whole lives I never realized that they had such a caring side to their relationship. They were fucking adorable. I frown, why hadn't any of my relationships turned out like that!? I kicked the snow in frustration as I walked by Starks pond. Someone laughing caught my attention I looked over towards the sound spotting an orange parka. Kenny's orange parka. He was with someone and this person was important enough to him, that he'd ditch his friends. I went to confront him but I stopped in my tracks, my hand slid into my pocket, I felt the velvet bag and chewed my lip contemplating what I wanted to do. Okay Stan one more time! And that's it! I took the bag out and shrunk myself. Quickly I ran over to where Kenny was, I was light enough not to sink into the snow. I hid by a bush and looked at the two sitting under a tree. The other person had their back turned to me as they kissed Kenny, they wore a pastel blue sweater with the hood up, I recognized it from somewhere... Then it clicked.
"B-Butters!" I yelled, my hand shot over my mouth. Shit! Butters jumped away from Kenny and turned around with wide eyes.
"What's wrong Buttercup?" Kenny asked, his arm snaked around Butters waist and he placed a kiss on his cheek.
"I-I thought I heard someone call my name!" Butters pulled away from Kenny looking around with a worried expression. Kenny sighed and pulled him back down.
"I didn't hear anything" Kenny said also looking around; but besides for them and Stan no one else was around and they couldn't see him. Butters sighed and nuzzled into Kenny's chest.
"Maybe I'm just paranoid. If my parents found out I was making out with you instead of tutoring you I'd be grounded," Butters sighed. I frowned, Butters was always getting grounded for stupid shit.
"Don't worry they won't find out." Kenny smiled reassuringly, "and if they do, I'll steal you and we can run away together." Kenny pulled Butters into a hug and kissed his neck and then proceeded to tickle Butters sides. Butters squealed and laughed.
"Kenny~!" Kenny laughed and lied back down bringing Butters with him. They cuddled there for awhile. Kenny rubbed slow circles on Butters backs as he listened Butters talk. He had a look in his eyes that I've never seen Kenny have, he was in love. They looked perfect for each other. I found myself for the second time today gushing over a couple that I didn't even know existed until today. It made me wonder if there was anymore secret couples in South Park? Maybe I could find out! But Stan that's invasive and wrong! But they'll never find out if your small..... Okay, I'll do it! I left the couple alone, once I was out of view I grew and ran home to do some stuff. I went straight to my room and pulled out the notebook Mackey gave me. I wrote down the known couples and the ones I discovered;
Couples at school:
Clyde and Bebe
Cartman and Kyle
Butters and Kenny
"Hmmm, their names are too long." I mumbled to myself and erased them thinking of something else, initials? No too confusing! What about those couple names stars use! I smiled and thought some up.
Couples at school:
Clybe
Kyman
Bunny
Tokole
I smiled pleased with the names, I added Token and Nichole, but other then those four I didn't have a clue who else was dating. That's what I was going to figure out! I sighed a bit, Stan don't you have anything better to do with your time? Nope, I'm single, bored and have way too much free time so why the hell not?! This has been the first thing that's interested me in a long time! So I might as well.