Chapter Text
Blitzø hated Goetia.
The bastards were blessed (cursed?) with freaky powers, way beyond any other demons in hell, and instead of charging a reasonable rate like Blitzø charged for murdering your local douchebag, they charged you an arm, a leg, a dick, and a hole for any of their services.
He was currently considering selling Fizz’s body parts for money, as they approached the fancy palace that was their destination for the day. Except that Fizz didn't have arms or legs to give to the cause, the selfish bitch. Even if that was Blitzø's fault, so he really didn't want to think too hard about it or he'd start getting into a good bout of self-loathing, and he preferred to do that shit at home.
“Stop sulking,” Fizz’s gravelly voice snapped him out of his thoughts as they walked, “This is going to be worth it.”
“No, it's not,” Blitzø said in reply. “Because Goetia are a bunch of grifters and there's no fucking way this guy can actually do what he says he does.” Fizz was such a fucking soft touch. Had always been, even after everything.
“Ozzie swears by him,” Fizz responded. Right. Because that oversexed turkey was the expert on everything according to Fizz. Love sure did make you stupid. “Says he can do shit no other Goetia can.”
“Yeah, well talking to dead demons is definitely something no Goetia can do. Not even this fucking liar,” Blitzø scoffed. “We'd be better off talking to Mama's grave than wasting our time with this cunt-waffle.”
Fizz rolled his eyes. He was a pro eye roller, he put his whole body into it. It was honestly kind of impressive how good he was at it.
“You’re such a fucking pessimistic prick,” Fizz told him.
“Yeah, the glass isn't half full or half empty, bitch,” Blitzø said. “It's smashed so I can use it as a fucking weapon, duh.”
“I literally hate you,” Fizz said. “Now shut the hell up and cough up the money. We're almost there.”
“Remind me why the fuck I'm paying for this shit? You're the one with the big sin sugar daddy,” Blitzø said, rolling his eyes. He wasn't broke, but he didn't want to give any of these rich prices even a dime.
“He isn't my sugar daddy - I'm very rich and also famous,” Fizz said “I can afford this, too.”
“Okay, so I say again, why the fuck am I, a poor prick who isn't rich, or famous, paying for this shit?”
“Shut up, Blitzø. You have money,” Fizz growled, pushing his ridiculous sunglasses down over his eyes. They made him look like a jackass.
The palace loomed huge and imposing as they reached the front door. It was the fanciest place he'd ever seen in his life. Ugly though. Pretentious. And the front steps were a fucking chore to walk up. Fucking hostile architecture or whatever the fuck. All Blitzø knew was he was practically jumping from step to step, and if he wasn't the hot hunk of prime man he was, he would be sweaty and exhausted by the time he got to the top.
The hellhound guards gave them dirty looks as Blitzø began fishing objects out of his pocket trying to find the cash he'd brought. Of course these assholes didn't take credit. But Fizz had given him more than half of the fee to meet with this fucker, so even if Blitzø didn't want to be here, he wasn't a total cunt.
Still, didn't mean he couldn't fuck around a little. Fizz always got so pissy, and he was way more fun when he finally shed his glossy famous face to yell at Blitzø.
The guards tensed up as he pulled a knife from his pocket. “Oh calm down. It's just a little knife. I couldn’t hurt you with that if I tried,” he lied. He could actually fuck them right up, even with a knife that small, but he didn't need to tell them that.
Finally he managed to find the money, and he passed it over to Fizz, but when the other imp grabbed it, Blitzø couldn't quite get his fingers to uncurl, a cramp racing through his hand. Fuck. He liked money so much. He really, really didn't want to give it to a Goetia. Fizz tugged at the wad of cash insistently.
“Let go asshole,” Fizz snapped, and Blitzø even more reluctantly let Fizz actually take the money from him.
“No weapons allowed within the premesis,” the Rottweiler ass hellhound said gruffly. “We need to pat you down.”
“Oh, so you're a pervert,” Blitzø said. The hound's eyes widened and he cast his eyes towards Fizz, who once again performed an overly theatric eye roll.
“He's a jackass, ignore him. I don't have any weapons, but you can pat me down. Just don't grope me, or Asmodeus will kick your ass,” he said, as though that was any better than what Blitzø had said.
And Fizz was being rude as fuck, because Blitzø would kick their asses too! Fizz wouldn't have to wait for Ozzie for revenge.
The guards (who did not grope either of them) took everything they had on them, even his tiniest knife. Well, almost everything. They didn't notice the blade he kept in his boot, so that was something. But damn, bad security. He could totally be an assassin right now.
Fuck, wait, he was an assassin. But not like, on duty. Anyway, maybe he could sell this rich fucker a home security audit after, get some of his money back.
They were guided through a hallway lined with carpet, whose walls were covered in paintings of Goetia. They all looked like stuck up prudes. A couple of hotties, for sure, but Blitzø hadn't stuck his dick in a bird since that turkey when he was 24 and being kicked out of a grocery store while high on ketamine. And he wasn't going to start now.
But Blitzø had to admit, it was interesting to see them, most of them for the first time.
Goetia were notoriously squirrelly. They always stayed hidden away in their fancy palaces, and it was rare as a rainy day in Wrath to see them outside of there unless there was an event where they needed to gather.
They all had different powers, some could bless things, some had the power of prophecy, and some could curse someone for you. All sorts of crazy shit like that. This Goetia, Stolas, was supposed to be able to tell the future, but there were whispers that he could speak to dead hellborns as well.
Blitzø knew those rumors were bullshit. There was nothing for hellborns after death. Just… nothingness. Humans got after-lives. Hellborns didn't. It was fucked up, but it was the truth.
It didn't matter what he'd seen last week. He'd been hallucinating. Didn't matter that Fizz had been there to witness it too. They were both crazy, that was the only reasonable explanation. Maybe there was a gas leak in Fizz's fancy Lust palace or something.
But Fizz was insistent, and Barbie had even texted to him asking if he was planning on going, which had led to a phone call, which was the most they'd chatted in years. She was all for the idea of reaching out to their Mama, even if Blitzø hadn't exactly explained why Fizz was insistent on it. He wondered if Fizz had told her the whole truth or not. She hadn't mentioned it, but Barbie didn't mention a lot of things when they spoke. She kept him at arms length as much as possible.
He didn't blame her. He didn't deserve to have her in his life.
She had been busy on the only fucking day that this Stolas dude had been free. Which was why Fizz was here instead, being an incorrigible nightmare.
“Hey, whaddya call a short psychic who’s on the run?” Fizz asked.
“Seriously? Psychic jokes? You're stooping that low?” Blitzø asked, quirking a brow.
“A small medium at large!” Fizz said, as though he hadn't spoken, laughing his rusty cackle and clutching his own stomach. Fucking jester.
“Oh! I love a good joke!” came a voice from the doorway as Blitzø groaned.
He spun around, his eyes widening as he saw the demon in the doorway. He was tall, with legs for days that ended in sharp looking talons. He was skinnier than Blitzø tended to go for, but he had beautiful wide hips and a long torso that led all the way up to chest fluff so voluminous it looked like he had tits. The grey feathers spilled out of his robe, and his head was adorned with a beautiful headpiece that was practically dripping with crystals. He had an honest to Satan cape on, one that shimmered in the light. His face was white, his four eyes a striking red with no pupils to be seen in their depths.
Pretty.
He was smiling, clapping his hands together as though he was delighted to see them there. That look had to be for Fizz. No one ever got that happy to see Blitzø.
Sure enough, it looked like the bird was focusing on the brightest spot in the room, and Fizz grinned back at him, always happy to have an audience, the whore.
“I got one,” Blitzø said, cringing as the owl demon's eyes flicked over to him and seemed to stick. He must be looking at the scars. “Knock knock.”
“Who's there?” the guy asked, sounding a little bit breathless for some reason
“Shouldn't you know? You're the fucking psychic,” Blitzø delivered, grinning.
Fizz groaned, but the guy in the doorway laughed so hard he doubled over with it. His laugh was gorgeous, which Blitzø didn't notice, because that was a weird thing to notice.
Fizz shot Blitzø a look as though to say “this guy's nuts, right?” but Blitzø didn't give a shit. The genuine positive reaction to his joke was making him feel all bright and pleased, like somehow a spotlight had swiveled over to shine on him for once.
“I sh- should know!” the bird giggled. He straightened up, wiping his eyes delicately so as not to smudge his eye makeup any more than he had already. “My apologies, I haven't even introduced myself. I am Stolas of the Ars Goetia. I will be your guide to the future today.”
Blitzø knew a rehearsed line when he heard it, but this guy was good, not too dramatic. He could almost make you believe he was sincere.
“Great. I’m Blitzø. You probably already know Fizz since he's famous as fuck,” Blitzø said, his voice gruff. “Come on, Fizz. Let's get this over with,” he added, tugging him by the arm.
Stolas’ smile faded just slightly, his eyes still on Blitzø, before he seemed to realize he was staring. He shook his head as if to clear it and turned around with a sweep of his shimmery cape.
“Please, follow me,” he said, leading them into the room.
It was dark as fuck, with low lighting supplemented by flickering candles that made the whole room look sort of spooky. There was a fancy ass chair at the table, and four other, distinctly less fancy chairs around it as well. The table was chock full of crystals, and there was even a freaking crystal ball sitting right in the center.
It was cheesy as hell, but Blitzø had to admit it did look mystical. They had had a “psychic” at the circus for a while when he was like 10. She'd been older, but had huge tits. Her set up looked kind of like this, but way cheaper. She'd left, but not before getting an angry mob or two at her door, pissed off at her predictions.
There was a plush looking couch over by the wall, which Blitzø assumed could be used for extra guests if more than four demons wanted to see Stolas at a time.
“Please, sit! Would you like a beverage? Water, tea?” Stolas asked.
“You got whiskey?” Blitzø asked, just to throw him off. Unfortunately Stolas just smiled and nodded, and a cart surrounded by purple magic rolled its way over. On it was an assortment of alcoholic drinks and a few fancy looking glasses that Blitzø was pretty sure were worth more than his whole shitty apartment.
“Oh. Thanks,” Blitzø said, somewhat pathetically as Stolas poured him a drink.
“Mr. Fizzarolli, would you like a drink as well?” Stolas asked.
“I'm good, thanks,” Fizz said. “Nice place you got here!”
Stolas set the glass of whiskey on the table in front of Blitzø, then moved to settle himself in the large chair across from them.
“Thank you. My ex wife decorated most of the palace, but this room, at least, was mine to do with as I wished. Though I do regret the lack of natural light in here, I’d love to add more plants,” Stolas said.
“Right,” Blitzø said, bored out of his mind by the small talk. Though, okay, the ex-wife thing was a little bit interesting. Because Goetia didn't really get divorced. There must have been a scandal or something there, not that Blitzø cared. What he did care about was the fact that this dude was presumably single. Though it wasn't like he'd ever go for a lowly little imp, so it was probably stupid to even think about. “So, should we get started or what?”
Fizz elbowed him under the table, but Blitzø didn't give a shit. If he had to do any more small talking he was going to lose his shit.
“Of course! What aspect of your future would you like me to focus on today?” Stolas asked, though he seemed distracted. He kept looking up, like he was trying to center himself or some shit. And was it just a trick of the light, or did his eyes keep glowing brighter?
“His love life,” Fizz said, at the same time Blitzø said “None.”
Stolas looked between them, clearly confused.
“He's being a dick,” Blitzø explained, exasperated. “We came here for a different reason. Not your future telling freaky deaky shit.”
“My- oh,” Stolas paused, his eyes glowing brightly this time for sure. Unnaturally bright. Then he blushed.
What a weirdo.
“Listen, I'm gonna cut the crap. I don't give a shit about lotto numbers or true love or whatever the fuck, but my friend Fizz here thinks you can talk to dead demons. I think that's a crock of shit. So, are you forreal? Or are you a scammer bitch?” Blitzø asked.
Stolas' eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?” He snapped. “First of all, I have never expressed even once to you that I have any such gift. And secondly- oh…” he trailed off, his eyes glowing once more.
“Oh? Are you seeing the future?” Fizz cut in, sounding excited.
“I think the two of you should leave,” Stolas said, suddenly standing up, sending a few of the crystals on his table clattering to the floor.
“What?” Blitzø said flatly.
Stolas nodded his head firmly, as if making up his mind. “Yes. I need you to leave. Now, please.” His face was bright red, and he seemed like he would be sweating if birds could sweat. His feathers were puffed up, and it would be kinda cute if he wasn't being a giant jackass.
“What's the issue?” Fizz asked, cutting Blitzø off before he could get going. Well, the joke was on Fizz, because Blitzø loved to yell.
“Seriously fuckwad, we paid a shit ton of money to see you!” he snapped. “I knew you were a fucking scammer!”
“I will refund your money, but I simply cannot help you with what you are seeking,” Stolas said, shifting awkwardly. “Please leave.”
“This is bullshit!” Blitzø shouted, as Fizz stood and started to drag him away.
“Look, I agree,” Fizz said, “but you're gonna attract his big security guys if you don't shut up.”
Stolas looked torn for a moment, before shaking his head, his expression a cold mask. “I can't help you. Please just go.”
“Fine, but you're getting a shit Hellp review! Fizz has freaky internet fans who are gonna tank your star rating!” Blitzø growled, grabbing Fizz by the arm and steering him towards the door.
“Yeah! What he said!” Fizz added helpfully, while Blitzø pulled him out of the room.
“What was his deal?” Fizz asked as soon as they were outside of the range of hearing from the room they'd been in.
“I told you he was a fake ass bitch,” Blitzø said. “But at least we can get our weapons back now.”
“Your weapons,” Fizz corrected him. “I didn't bring any. Because I'm normal.”
“Nah, that's literally insane, Fizz. You're famous and we live in Hell. You should have something on you at all times. Get Ozzie to buy you a gun or something, Satan on a stick.”
Blitzø patted his pocket. His suspiciously empty pocket. Satan damn it, where the fuck was his wallet?
“Oh for fuck sakes. I think that bastard took my wallet,” Blitzø shouted.
Fizz looked at him like he was the stupidest demon in Hell. “Yeah. I'm sure the rich Goetia took your empty ass wallet,” Fizz said, deadpan.
“Gimme a minute, Fizz. If that fucker robbed me I'm going to strangle him with his own tail feathers,” Blitzø said, ignoring the fact that Fizz was technically right. The Goetia didn't need his wallet, but who knew. Maybe he got off on stealing from his clients. The sick fuck.
He stormed back down the hallway, ignoring whatever Fizz was saying. He could follow him if he wanted to, but Blitzø knew Fizz hated confrontation.
“Hey, you fucking thief,” Blitzø said as he kicked the door back open.
Stolas didn't jump, just looked at him with his wide red eyes. He looked almost nervous.
“I'm sure I don't know what you mean,” Stolas said. And fuck, there on the floor where he'd been sitting was Blitzø's wallet.
“I uhhh… okay so you're not a thief,” he said, stooping to pick up his wallet. “But you are a fraud.”
Stolas made an angry bird sound at that. “Why do you keep insisting that I am a fraud?”
“You literally got scared when I mentioned it and kicked us out,” Blitzø snapped back. “Fraud behavior.”
“I am not a fraud! I kicked you out because I had visions. Visions that disturbed me,” Stolas said, turning his face away. “It's just… the things I saw you doing to me…” he trailed off, resolutely avoiding eye contact.
Blitzø rolled his eyes. “I'm not going to hurt you or kill you or anything, so if that's what you think you saw you're an idiot.”
“No, no, I know you won't harm me,” Stolas rushed to reassure him.
“Then what's the problem? What did you see me doi-” it hit him halfway through his sentence, Stolas' little blush giving it away. “Wait, you had a vision of me fucking your tight little ass?”
“Well, my cloaca, but yes,” Stolas said, his blush growing even darker. “Visions. Plural.”
Plural. Huh.
He didn't trust this guy, but he did want him. Fuck, how could he not? He was so pretty it hurt to look at him. The thought of getting him underneath him made Blitzø feel like there was a fire in his belly. He wanted it, and apparently the bird did too.
Damn, this was going to be way better than the turkey.
“Oh, yeah?” Blitzø said, pitching his voice low. “You wanna tell me what exactly you saw?”
Stolas' feathers puffed up around his neck, and his eyes went wide. He looked so fucking cute and sexy, and if this was all just a ploy to get Blitzø to fuck him, it was working.
“I- I hardly think that's appropriate,” Stolas stuttered, backing up. Blitzø followed him, his tail whipping behind him and his spines standing up.
“You're the one who brought it up,” Blitzø pointed out. “I wanna hear it, Birdie. Or should we just act out those little fantasies you've been having instead?”
“Visions, not fantasies,” Stolas corrected him “I tell the future.”
“Well I don't have fucking visions, but I can tell you what's about to happen,” Blitzø said. “You're going to sit down on that fancy chair, open those long pretty legs, and I'm going to get between those long pretty legs and show you what I can do with my mouth. Sound good?”
“Oh dear,” Stolas said weakly. He took three steps backwards and plunked down into his chair, his eyes glued to Blitzø.
“That's what you want, right?” Blitzø asked, his voice low and sexy. Despite his tone, it was an actual check in. He didn't want to scare the poor guy off, even if he'd been the one who started it.
“Y-yes. I believe so,” Stolas said, and opened his legs. “You… you are quite handsome. And rugged. And oh-” Stolas cut himself off as Blitzø started unbuttoning his own shirt. Little white pupils appeared in his eyes as he traced Blitzø's movements, looking at his chest, his abs, his treasure trail.
“Robe off,” Blitzø demanded. “Let's see what I'm working with.”
Stolas scrambled to obey, and wasn't that a heady rush? To have a powerful Goetia following his orders. It made his dick even harder.
Blitzø got down on his knees and crawled the last few inches, taking in the soft feathers that Stolas had revealed between his legs. There was a slit there, just barely visible through the feathers, a dark black with a hint of pink at the center.
Blitzø's mouth watered at the sight. When he reached out to touch, he found that Stolas was already a little bit wet. He hadn't been sure if a cloaca would get wet, but this was a pleasant surprise.
The first lick was paradise. Stolas tasted good, salty and a little bit like ash. Like burning paper. It was almost like smoking a joint, licking him out. Kind of a trip, to be honest, but his dick was throbbing so clearly he was into it.
Stolas moaned so pretty that Blitzø found himself getting lost in his ministrations, the lap of his tongue, the little breathy moans, the taste and feel of Stolas' warm wet hole against his tongue. It settled over him, syrupy pleasure that made his dick ache and his body melt.
He curled his tongue as he licked inside, and that seemed to flip a switch in Stolas. Suddenly there were hands on the back of Blitzø's head shoving him forward even as Stolas bucked his hips against his mouth. It made it so that his tongue went in deep, so much that his face was grinding hard against the outside of Stolas' hole.
“Oh, fuck,” Stolas moaned. “Oh, Blitzø! Fuck fuck fuck!”
Blitzø moaned against the wet hole he was licking into, his hand drifting down to palm at himself through his pants. Fuck, he was so hard. Stolas was so fucking wet now too. Sloppy and dripping down Blitzø's face.
When Stolas came his shout made the lights in the room flicker, and every candle snuffed out at once.
Blitzø pulled back, blinking in the suddenly dim room.
“Fuck me,” Stolas sighed.
“Yeah,” Blitzø agreed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Damn he was so hard it actually kind of hurt.
“No, darling, I meant literally. Literally fuck me. I want your throbbing red cock deep inside of me,” Stolas said, his hand dipping between his own legs so that he could finger himself.
“Well shit,” Blitzø said, scrambling to open his pants. “Get up. And take that fuck ass hat crystal thing off.”
Stolas giggled, removing his hands from between his legs and taking off the weird headpiece to place it on the table. Damn it, Stolas was so fucking hot, he had no right to be cute as well.
Blitzø watched his ass, pondering what it might be like to fuck him from behind. Watch that ass bounce. Mmm. Satan, his dick was about to burst.
But no, he was gonna make that bird ride him. Watch his hips work as Stolas took his cock deep inside. Fuck, he was practically drooling just thinking about it.
He moved to the chair, shedding his pants and his boxers on his way over. It'd make the walk of shame awkward as fuck after, but nothing was sexy about stopping to fold your clothes during sex.
When he looked up, Stolas was staring between his legs with a look of such hunger that Blitzø was momentarily caught off guard. Fuck. Stolas really wanted his cock.
“Oh, it looks even better in real life,” Stolas purred, whatever the fuck that meant.
Blitzø wrapped his fingers around his erection and stroked.
Stolas approached and wrapped his delicate fingers around Blitzø's cock as well, pumping him in time with Blitzø's hands.
Blitzø shivered, the sight of that pretty hand on his dick driving him mad.
“You ready?” Stolas asked as he stroked.
“Beyond ready, Birdie. Climb up,” he said, letting go of his erection and patting his lap.
Stolas stroked a few more times, his eyes trained on Blitzø's dick. “Oh, but how delicious does this look,” Stolas purred, his voice low and rough as though he'd already been sucking cock.
“You want a taste, baby?” Blitzø asked, running his hand through the feathers on Stolas' head. “Fizz is still waiting for me, so we don't have time. You can either suck me off or ride me, not both.”
Stolas whined like Blitzø had told him he couldn't have the most delicious cake in the world. The brat. Fuck, how much fun could they have with that, if there was just more time.
“Just one, choose,” Blitzø said, not backing down.
Stolas pouted, which he was weirdly good at despite not having lips. He hadn't stopped fucking Blitzø's cock in his hand the whole time, and Blitzø was feeling a little bit dizzy from it.
“Fine. I'll ride you, then,” Stolas said.
He stood, and in one smooth motion climbed onto Blitzø's lap. His dick wasn't lined up, Stolas having sat more on his knees than anything, but it was still hot. Even hotter when Stolas readjusted himself, lining Blitzø's dick up between his legs.
Stolas sank down with a whine that went straight to Blitzø's cock. The wet tight heat also went straight to his cock. His cock was currently experiencing a fucking lot.
Stolas kept him in deep at first, grinding down against Blitzø's lap over and over.
Blitzø bucked up, surprising a shout from the bird’s beak, and then set a pace, fucking up into him.
“C’mon, daddy can't do all the work,” Blitzø panted. “Ride it, baby.”
Stolas didn't protest. In fact, he went to work bouncing on Blitzø's lap. His ass slapped Blitzø's thighs each time he bounced, and Blitzø wasn't sure if he could stop himself from nutting.
“Oh yes! Yes, Blitzø!” Stolas cried out. “Please, come inside me! Fill me up!”
“Wait, for real?” Blitzø asked, pausing in his thrusts to stare up at Stolas, wide-eyed.
“Yes,” Stolas said, sounding ever so slightly annoyed. “I want it.”
“You can't like… get pregnant can you?” he asked. Stolas didn't answer verbally, just glared at him and clenched his cloaca down hard. “Okay! Fuck. Okay. Satan, you're even hotter when you're pissed.”
Stolas moved his hips in a way that Blitzø was pretty sure was illegal even in Hell, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He came with a ragged shout, pumping Stolas full of his cum just as he'd requested.
Stolas threw his head back, clearly relishing the sensation. He shivered, fucking himself down harder into Blitzø's lap.
The overstimulation felt wild. It was like the time he'd been hooked up nipple first to a car battery, only it was Stolas' pussy sending shocks of pleasure through his dick.
Blitzø wasn't sure he could last much longer, when Stolas stiffened up in his lap, his whole body going taught like… like a fucking… something tight or whatever, as he came.
Stolas settled on his lap, with Blitzø's cock still inside of him. Being surrounded by hot wet soft walls was not helping Blitzø calm down, but he breathed through the pleasure, resting his head against Stolas' chest.
“You gonna get off, or are you getting me off again? Blitzø asked.
Stolas made some kind of cute cooing bird noise in answer and pecked at his horn gently. It felt kinda nice, so Blitzø just let it happen, a soft purr building in his chest.
A few minutes later Stolas' finally climbed off of him, and Blitzø shivered from the cold against his dick.
Blitzø hopped up and grabbed his boxers, pulling them on. When he looked over at Stolas he was wrapping himself up in his cape, looking contented.
“If you wanted a good fuck you could have just asked. Didn't have to make up all that shit about visions,” Blitzø said.
Stolas huffed. “I didn't make anything up. I saw what you were going to do before you did it. It's not a false power.”
“Sure,” Blitzø said, annoyed that he was keeping up the act even after they'd fucked.
“You are so very frustrating, did you know that?” Stolas snapped.
“I've been told,” Blitzø said.
“Now, for the reason you came,” Stolas said, pulling himself up and wrapping his cape around him, his expression serious.
Nothing could have prepared him for Stolas looking him dead in the eyes and saying, “Your mother desperately wants to speak with you.”