Chapter Text
Lucifer hissed when the crop hit his shoulder. He was always surprised how much it hurts. His nerves were new and extra sensitive even months in. It didn’t get any better no matter what gets done to him. He’d at least hoped to be numb by now, or to have killed some of the nerves. But either Sam was very careful for Lucifer was not so lucky.
He hissed again at the gentle prodding with the end of the crop. It doesn’t actually hurt, but Lucifer realized he’d messed up. Sam didn’t like it when he makes noise. Lucifer knew why too. It was too human. It was easier for Sam to punish Lucifer for the pain he’d caused them if Lucifer wasn’t human. But Lucifer felt pain and he felt starvation and he felt dehydration. The look on his face the day Sam realized he could count Lucifer’s ribs would have been comical if Lucifer hadn’t been so desperate for water right then that he would have licked the ground if Sam told him there was moisture there.
So now Lucifer got food and water. He fixed it himself. Secretly Lucifer sort of liked cooking. It made sense to him and there was something thoroughly pleasing to something deep inside Lucifer to have to struggle to make something that he used to be able to create with barely a thought. The effort made it worth it.
“Lucifer,” Sam said in a warning tone.
“Apologies,” Lucifer said. His voice was strong, always. He still had some shreds of pride. Not much. Lucifer would basically let Sam do anything to him to make it hurt less, and the self hatred Lucifer felt for that knowledge was almost as strong as when he’d first been thrown into the cage, when he wished he’d never asked the damn question in the first place.
“You’re learning,” Sam said.
“I do my best,” Lucifer said. He gripped the table’s edge a little harder. The crop smacked across his buttocks, but the blow is lessened by his jeans. Lucifer risked a glance at Sam, turning so he could look under his arm. Sam had bent down and was looking at Lucifer. Lucifer blushed and jerked his head back into position.
Sam’s chuckle made Lucifer shiver. It was not a good sign. Even though the smack on his buttocks had been playful compared to the other hits that did not mean that Lucifer was allowed to take liberties. Bitterly Lucifer wondered how his little army of demons would stare if they could see him now, no better than a human. He was supposed to lead The End. Instead he was living in a warehouse, if he could call it living.
“You’re forgetting yourself, Lucifer,” Sam said.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” Lucifer said. He didn’t even grit his teeth anymore through apologies. They came easily. That didn’t mean that Lucifer didn’t feel his neck get hot when he said he was sorry. He wasn’t, but he would be.
The crop slipped down Lucifer’s buttocks. “Spread,” Sam said. Lucifer complied but he was gritting his teeth now in preparation for pain. The crop slipped between his legs but there was nothing sexy about it. Lucifer stared down at his knuckles, white for how hard he gripped. The crop pulled away from his skin. Now Lucifer had to wait. He hated the weight. He couldn’t even hear Sam, not over his own breathing, which had already sped up.
He didn’t know how long he was waiting. It seemed like forever. It had hurt in the cage, but what really killed him was the loneliness where before there had always been love and companionship and the cold where before there had been such warmth. In his depowered form pain meant a lot more than it did when he still had his grace.
He closed his eyes closed tight and a whimper escaped his lips before he knew it was coming. He heard the chuckled behind him and nearly jumped. He kept himself still because he didn’t want the punishment to be worse.
“Open your eyes, Lucifer,” Sam said. Lucifer did was he was instructed, nearly expecting for Sam to be looking at him, but Sam wasn’t. Sam just knew, because Lucifer had done this every time this particular punishment was doled out since the first time.
The hit came very suddenly. Lucifer let out a sharp cry of pain. He couldn’t stop it, just like he couldn’t stop the stinging in his eyes. The crop came up a second time almost instantly, snapping against Lucifer’s genitals again. Even with the pants in the way, the hit hurt badly. The cry of pain came out as soon as the blow landed. Lucifer took his hand off the table, which he knew he wasn’t allowed to do, in order to muffle the next sound he knew would come.
But Sam didn’t hit him again, not instantly. His genitals throbbed and Lucifer wanted to go lie down and try to sleep. It would still hurt when he woke up, but it would hurt less. But his punishment wasn’t over yet. He knew his shoulders were shaking. It was the anticipation of pain and the effort of staying upright. But Lucifer knew what would happen if he allowed himself to drop to his knees.
The third blow wasn’t a surprise. Lucifer had been waiting for it. But it hurt, and Lucifer was glad that he’d muffled the sound. He figured Sam would be less angry at him for breaking the rules than for making loud noises. Lucifer lowered his hand only when the end of the crop touched the back of his knee.
“Do you think that’s enough for now?” Sam asked. “Have you learned your lesson.”
“Yes, Sam. I’ve learned. I won’t do it again,” Lucifer said. And he wouldn’t Lucifer made new mistakes but he rarely made old ones.
“Sam?” Sam asked and the crop slipped up from Lucifer’s knee up along his thigh toward his throbbing genitals.
“Sir, I mean Sir,” Lucifer said in a panic. It suddenly felt difficult to breath and the tears he’d kept at bay before suddenly fell. But this was from shame. “Please, please, Sir, just please. I won’t do it again, just please.”
It was the begging. It was always the begging that did Lucifer in. It did Sam in too, to an extent. Sam would always stop when Lucifer begging. In fact he never stopped until Lucifer begged. For all the pain and all the sounds of pain that Lucifer was ashamed of, it was always the moments when fear overtook Lucifer and he panicked. It was the fear in his chest and the words on his lips and the way his voice always, always cracked.
“Very well,” Sam said. He moved around Lucifer, placing the crop on the table. “You’re doing better. You’re learning, anyway.”
“I try,” Lucifer said quietly. He didn’t turn his head away anymore, because Sam got mad when he did. But Sam never looked at him when he realized Lucifer was crying. Lucifer’s tears made Sam uncomfortable. They were even more human than the noises of pain.
“I won’t be back for a few days,” Sam said. “I bought enough food for you.”
“Are you hunting again?” Lucifer asked. He didn’t know if he was hopeful or not. He didn’t look at Sam, so he didn’t know if Sam gave him a disapproving look or not.
“Amelia’s dad’s coming over to see the new house,” Sam said. There was pride in his voice, and fear.
“Congratulations,” Lucifer said. He meant it. Really, he did. It still surprised Lucifer how much Sam had been able to get away from Lucifer’s original intent for him.
“Shut up,” Sam hissed. Lucifer braced himself for another blow. But a gentle hand rested on his shoulder. Lucifer flinched like he’d been hit. He hated the gentle touches the most. If Lucifer had been anyone else he only would have receive gentle touches, if Sam touched him at all.
“Sorry,” Lucifer said.
“Go rest,” Sam said, urging Lucifer over to his cot. The warehouse had a small kitchenette and a shower and bathroom along with a few boxes that Sam kept medical supplies in and a few clothes for Lucifer.
Lucifer did as he was told. He limped carefully to his cot, lying on his least injured side. He couldn’t stop the whimpers that came from his mouth as he settled himself out. But Sam wasn’t listening. He’d already left and was locking up. He kept everything tightly locked and boarded up since the three times Lucifer had tried to escape. Lucifer knew better than to try to escape now.
Lucifer meant to close his eyes but his eyes rested on the gold band on his hand, Nick’s wedding ring. He’d never taken it off because Lucifer had understood Nick, the man who’d lost everything. Lucifer understood him very well now: the desperate man who’d lost his entire life and all of his dreams.