Chapter Text
The light was harsh. Her eyes flickered open, but she instantly closed them again. For a moment Harley couldn't remember anything but her name, Harley Quinn; the rest of it was in a fog. Where was she? What had happened? Harley couldn't remember anything, only her name!
“Doctor! She's conscious!” a voice yelled too loudly.
Harley reluctantly, carefully opened her eyes at the sound. Wincing, she realized she was in a hospital room and she was hooked up to devices that were annoyingly beeping, adding to the irritating stupid voice. When she opened her mouth to complain about the noise, she realized she couldn't talk! There were tubes down her throat, in her nose and she started to cough, choking.
The nurse came rushing back into the room. She was one of those stupid little brunette nurses with the great figure, probably here to snag a doctor for a husband. Stupid.
“It's alright Dr. Quinzel, just calm down and I'll get these tubes out for you!” The nurse patted her hand.
Harley frowned, but listened to the instructions she was given as the nurse worked to remove the tubes. Finally, the tubes that had been helping her breathe were removed and her throat felt free! She took a deep breath only to start coughing again.
The nurse held up a small cup of water to her lips. “Slowly, Dr. Quinzel, drink slowly.”
Harley realized her throat and mouth were dry, raw; her lips felt cracked as she sipped at the cool water.
“There, there Dr. Quinzel. You've been through a bad experience. The doctor will be here soon to talk to you. You just relax.” The nurse smiled, but Harley only narrowed her eyes at the stupid bitch.
After she had had enough water, Harley laid back on her pillow, exhausted just as a man came in pushing his glasses up his nose.
“It's so nice to see you back with us, Dr. Quinzel.”
Harley frowned. She had no idea why they were calling her Dr. Quinzel, but she would go with it for now. That was when she heard a calm, clear voice in her head. “Harleen, my name is Harleen Quinzel!” Harley frowned, but chose to ignore the voice.
“What happened?” Her voice was soft and a little choked.
The nurse glanced at the doctor who took a deep breath. “Well, Dr. Quinzel. May I call you Harleen? You were one of several victims caught downtown in a fight between Bane, Killer Croc and Batman. I'm afraid you were pinned under a car for several hours. We had to induce a coma to help you heal. But so far, I am happy to say your prognosis looks good.”
Harley grinned. “Really?”
*
The next several days Harley played her part of Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a recovering doctor who had been the victim of a super villain fight. The voice in her head, Harley quickly realized, was this stupid Harleen Quinzel! The one everybody thought was her, but Harley Quinn giggled quietly. What a bunch of idiots! But she wore the glasses, played sweet and worked to get her ass out of there!
Finally after a week of playing nice, Harley was finally released! She had no family, so she had to have a nurse come check on her, but they finally let her go!! She had been so, incredibly bored!! Luckily they had put her in a cab with her address and returned Quinzel's purse to her so she had a key and some money.
*
When Harley let herself into her apartment, she was immediately disappointed. “What the hell is this place?” Harley muttered as she slammed the door behind her. It was beyond dull! Everything was beige or some other shade of super boring. Harley dumped her bag from the hospital onto the floor and made her way to the bedroom. Even worse!!
Everything in here was white!! Where were all the colors? Apparently Harleen Quinzel was boooorrring!
Harley opened the closet and groaned as it was filled with suits! Stupid skirts and blouses. Who would wear this stuff? Harley decicded that she was going to take Harleen's credit card, go out and do some shopping tomorrow!!
She made a face as she looked through Harleen's life. It was all so boring! What did she do for excitement?
Harley threw herself down on the white leather sofa and turned on the TV. She sighed, watching a report on Batman. Her brows rose as an image of the Bat came across the screen and she was reminded of a dark night, the sounds of sirens and screaming. The shadow of a monster, large and thrown against the side of the building making the thing look even larger; she was trapped, nowhere to go and then the car came flying out of the darkness.
Harley woke with a start. She was still on the couch. She snarled to herself, “Oh, this is just dumb!”
The voice in her head...Harleen spoke up. “Stop this, Harley! I know what you are going to do!”
“Shut up Harleen!” Harley picked up a vase and threw it across the apartment. She grabbed her head and then stopped. She went into her bedroom and ripped through the closet until she found what she wanted, a red blouse and black slacks. She did her hair in pigtails then slipped on some tall boots that Harleen had, stuffing the slacks inside them before zipping them up her calf.
She then went to the vanity and ripped through the makeup until she found what she wanted—dark lip-stick, she painted her eyes as dark as she could and then painted her lips. She grinned at herself giggling manically. “Why hello there Harley Quinn? And goodbye to you Harleen Quinzel.”
She pushed up and went to her kitchen pulling out drawers and throwing the contents everywhere as she searched for something...anything! She wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she stopped when she found a meat tenderizer...it reminded her of a mallet. She grinned just as there was a loud knock at her apartment door.
“HEY! Can you quiet it down! You are making a racket!” The voice, male, on the other side of the door yelled.
Harley frowned, then slowly grinned. She rushed the door grabbing it and throwing it open. The man standing there looked startled. “Uh, yeah, I don't know what you're doing in there, but you need to be quieter.”
Harley grinned, her hands behind her back. “Do I?? Maybe you should just mind your own business.” With that she lashed out, her arm snapping out and the tenderizer hit the man hard enough across the side of this head that the crack of his skull echoed down the hall of her apartment building, dropping him instantly, blood from the impact splashing across the wall making an interesting design. Harley giggled. “Hmm...Dr. Quinzel, what do you see when you look at that?”
She started giggling. “Well Miss Quinn, I see a dead man!” She closed her door and turned to look at her apartment again...no...not her apartment. Dr. Quinzel's...“I think it's time for some redecorating!”
*
When the police came they were forced to break down the door. Harley threw things at them, the expensive mixer, the pots and pans. Her aim was very good too, nailing a couple of the officers in the head! She laughed. “It's extreme dodge-ball, boys!! Watch out!!!”
With that she threw a wok, hitting one of the police in the chest.
Finally one of them got close enough to use his taser hitting her in the hip. She cried out, swinging her tenderizer to hit the cop, but she missed just as as another one got close enough to taser her too. It took three more before she finally collapsed to the floor.
*
When Harley came to, she was strapped down on a gurney. She was being wheeled into a hall painted that typical cheap blue/green of most hospitals. She frowned looking around in confusion. “Hey! Where am I??”
The police on either side of her didn't answer. They stoppe,d which caused Harley to twist around trying to get a look. She caught a glimpse of a siren over the double doors.
“We have Dr. Harleen Quinzel here. She is being admitted by the state.”
“MY NAME ISN'T HARLEEN!! IT'S HARLEY!”
She struggled against her restraints. “LET ME GO!”
The officer turned. “Gag her now.”
One of the officers reached down to put a gag across her mouth so she tried to take a bite out of him. She was pushed through the double doors where a set of doctors waited. Harley started to struggle more. “We need to sedate her!” one of the doctors yelled, a young man with glasses and short brown hair.
A nurse came running over with a syringe as Harley twisted and tried to bite through her gag. The nurse stabbed her in the neck with the syringe and then pushed the plunger. Harley continued to fight until the drugs hit her system. Within seconds her eyes rolled and she went limp.
She was rolled in and processed, paperwork done so that by the time she was awakened, it was time to be stripped, searched and sprayed down. Harley was still feeling sluggish from the drug, but she still had a lot of fight in her so that the whole process took much longer than necessary until finally she was showered, dressed and thrown into her cell.
She attacked the door, a large glass door with a window with a slot for sliding in food. The room consisted of a cot, a toilet and nothing else. She growled. The doctor and the guard looked at her impassively. The doctor spoke. “Dr. Quinzel. You are here to determine whether you are sane enough to stand trial for the murder of your neighbor, a Mr. Jay Wilde.”
Harley giggled. “Well, he deserved it! I was busy redecorating and he had the nerve to knock on my door!”
The doctor pressed his thin lips together. “Well, as that may be, Dr. Quinzel, you are under our care for the time being. I suggest you settle down.” He motioned for the guard to follow him leaving her alone except for her fellow inmates that she could hear outside her room.
*
The day after her arrival she was bundled up in a straightjacket, her ankles hobbled and she was led to a large room for her first therapy session. She was sat down, her ankles cuffed to the chair. Harley blew her hair out of her face and glared around her. There was a circle of maybe ten inmates, only a few in straightjackets. Each had a guard or orderly behind their chair.
Harley rolled her eyes and groaned. “This is so boring!!”
That was when the man with green hair sitting across from her giggled. “Exactly! None of these sticks in the mud know how to tell a joke...or to take one, for that matter.”
Harley, who had dropped her head back against her chair sat up and looked more closely at him. She giggled. “You look like a clown!! I love it!”
The man's smile was contagious! She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face when his eyes locked with hers. “Call me the Joker, sweet thing. And you are?”
She giggled. “Harley Quinn.”
Joker burst out into a loud appreciative laugh. “That is just wonderful!!! You're a clown too! A rose of a clown...beautiful.” He whispered the last part, his smile slow and seductive. “So what did you do my dear, to end up with us?” He tilted his head grinning. His green eyes sparkled and Harley felt something in her chest jerk to life.
Harley giggled. “Well, they keep insisting my name is Harleen Quinzel! A doctor!” She made a rude noise and crossed her eyes.
Joker snickered. “Really now?”
She nodded. “Yes!! well...and I killed one of my neighbors...but he was being such a, such a...killjoy!” She started to giggle. “But man! When I hit him with that hammer, the blood made the neatest design on the wall!! It was wild!” She started to laugh and Joker joined her.
The man on her right, a short plump guy with a monocle and a LONG nose groaned loudly. “Fantastic, two clowns. That's all we need.”
Joker stopped laughing to glare at the little guy. “Watch it there, Pengy. You might end up worse than being a flightless bird.”
“Pengy?” Harley looked between the two men then guffawed. “Penguin!! Oh my god, are you a penguin!!”
“I am not A penguin! I am THE Penguin!! You kook!” Penguin growled, but Harley only started laughing harder which made Joker start to laugh.
They were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. All the inmates turned to look at a man and a woman standing behind two empty chairs.
The man smiled. He was tall, built like a fighter, rather than a doctor, with tiny round glasses, dark hair that brushed his shoulders, along with a dark beard that Harley thought made him look Amish. Plus he wore the typical white coat. He glanced around, then his dark, hard eyes settled on Harley.
“I see you don't remember me, Dr. Quinzel. I'm Dr. Hugo Strange. And this young woman was once your colleague, Dr. Joan Leland.”
The woman next to him gave Harley a pitying look that made Harley wanted to beat her up! She had smooth dark skin and perfectly coifed black hair that hung in a bob around her ears.
“Hi Harleen, do you remember me?” The woman smiled and Harley snarled. “It's Harley, bud!”
Dr. Leland sighed sadly and Dr. Strange motioned for Dr. Leland to take the chair next to him.
“Alright, I want to introduce you all to our new friend, Dr. Harleen Quinzel, though she currently calls herself Harley Quinn. Dr. Quinzel was once a doctor here, but now because of a terrible accident she is a patient.”
The other inmates all muttered. “Hi Harley.”
Harley stuck her tongue out making a very loud and very rude noise, in response which had Joker throwing his head back laughing.
Dr. Strange snarled. “Joker can you please quiet down.”
Joker grinned. “Oh well sure thing Dr. Strangelove, whatever you say.”
Harley glanced at Joker who wrinkled his nose at her with a wide grin.
Harley giggled which caused Joker to wink at her which had her giggling even more.
Strange for a moment looked annoyed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, as if he were a teacher in a class full of teenagers who refused to behave.
“Joker, Harley; if the two of you do not settle down I will be forced to put you both in solitary for the duration of this therapy session.”
Harley stuck her tongue out at Dr. Strange, but she settled down just barely. Joker groaned and rolled his eyes as well as dropping his head back in a sign of complete annoyance.
Two-face kept flipping his coin back and forth while Penguin swanked at Joker and Harley. “You two clowns need to go to solitary.”
Dr. Crane, another former doctor of Arkham, who was also in a straightjacket, sat quietly watching everyone else, his eyes slightly narrowed as he studied each patient.
Harley pouted. “How come Joker and I are in straightjackets Why isn't half and half in a jacket? Or the fat bird?”
Penguin turned on her starting to reach for her neck. “Why you little...”
But one of the orderly/guards grabbed his shoulders holding him in place.
“Mr. Cobblepot, one more outburst like that and you will have a jacket.”
Dr. Leland sighed wondering how long before she ended up in this circle herself.
*
The session did not go very well. At least not for everyone else, though Harley found herself fascinated with Joker.
He even managed to force Penguin to switch seats with him by making a big fuss about it until Dr. Leland suggested they go ahead and move Joker over by Harley if only to stop his very noisy groaning about it, though Dr. Strange tried to protest.
After Joker got his way and was moved to sit next to Harley, he pretty much ignored everyone else. Joker grinned at her leaning in close. “So Harley, what's a hot number like you doing in a place like this?”
She laughed. “You're funny.”
His eyes lit up. “You really think so?”
She bumped him with her straightjacketed shoulder, her cheeks crimson with a deep blush. “Yeah, I do.”
He giggled bumping her shoulder back with his own equally straightjacketed shoulder. “You, my dear, are adorable.”
*
They were eventually all sent back to their cells when the session ended. Harley and Joker under a great deal of protest since they wanted to spend more time together. They almost got themselves sent to solitary, but they both settled down.
*
Harley sat in her cell pouting that evening. She had wanted to talk to Joker more and she hated being told what to do. She slowly bounced her head against the wall, not painfully, just something to do when she heard his voice, speaking, almost singing...
“It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Harley Quinn;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.”
Harley giggled. He changed the poem for her? His voice was coming from the far wall of her room, so she got up and went to lean against the wall. She could hear him more clearly now, a deep voice that moved through her and twisted itself around her. She smiled closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. His voice was like warm fudge. Oooh! Or caramel sliding down her spine and wrapping around her. He gave her shivers as he continued to speak.
“But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Harley Quinn.”
“Joker?” She pressed her lips against the wall. Then she heard his soft laughter.
“Sleep well, my harlequin.” he hissed back to her.