Chapter Text
One week later
“Hello…” Louis spoke first, he’d been avoiding this, selfishly filtering any and all communications with his mother through Lily and Grace but Claudia wanted to see her grandmother and he missed his mother, despite it all. And maybe he shouldn’t, maybe he should take care of himself but… that felt pretty damn impossible.
“Hello, Louis” his mother greeted in turn, voice level and calm with a hint of fondness.
“I, uh, was wondering if- if maybe y’all were free sometime soon? Clauida would love to see you… so would I” he forced himself to admit. He’d shut himself into his bedroom to make this call while Lily cooked and Claudia played just in case he needed a good excuse to hang up quickly.
“…we’re free Sunday besides church, you all could come, it would be good for you” he flinched, he wasn’t stupid, he knew what she meant. He didn’t know what Grace had told her about his return and, more importantly, Lestat but he had some guesses.
So he was blunt “mama, I don’t want to be ambushed with some intervention. I- I’m still with Lestat, he loves me and I love him and if you aren’t ok with itI- I don’t want my daughter around that” he wished he could say that if Claudia wasn’t a factor, that he wouldn’t go running back but he would if Claudia didn’t exist, but she did and what if Claudia wasn’t straight? Or ended up hateful because of things she’d heard her grandmother say? Or grew up angry because she knew who Louis was and who he loved and knew what her grandmother thought?
So he was blunt with her.
“An ‘intervention’? Please, I’m simply asking if you want to come to church with us. That’s all we are doing on Sunday and the rest of our week is packed” she explained, and if he didn’t know any better he wouldn’t believe it but that was always their only plan.
“I-… we don’t want any… trouble, I’ll believe that y'all don’t but everyone else there? No. I don’t wanna-“ he took a breath and realized he had tears in his eyes, damn it “-I’m not gonna be interrogated and embarrassed because I’m in love” his voice broke at the end of the sentence, but he didn’t cry, he wouldn’t, he didn’t have a reason to.
“In love with a man” she said in that way his mother spoke. That she thought was final and had once been for him but now?… Lestat’s words had stuck with him, what he said in that car when he proposed.
‘I love you, nothing can or will change that, not your family, not your sorrow, not the world, nothing… I love you, i love you in a way that defies words and defies logic and I…-“ he looked down to their hands “-I love you, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be happy, Saint Louis, I meant all I did and said last night’
he’d been ruminating on such words a lot here lately. “Yeah, I am! And I- for gods sake mama we want to see you but if you’re going to talk like this around Claudia? Forget it” he covered his mouth when he was done, he didn’t really know why.
She paused for a long time before saying “come for dinner? The kids can play and we can talk”
He could’ve said a lot about that but instead said “ok”
Sunday
“-And I’ll wear… my pink dress! The frilly one!” Claudia squealed, bounding off to her little closet and pulling it off the rack.
“That sounds pretty, little miss” he tried to sound bright but the closer this dinner got? The more dread he felt pool in his stomach and- oh… he had to eat at this, didn’t he? Damn it.
Lily squeezed his hand tightly, she’d been doing that more and more platonically here lately. He’d asked Daniel about it and he said it was ‘grounding’ or supposed to be. Daniel’d said Alice used to do that with him when he got too close to a subject, joked about how now his best friend was a twenty something one and Louis corrected that their conversation could hardly class as an interview…
it was grounding, to be fair to his friends.
“Of course it is! I have all the prettiest clothes, so does mama, and you, a little bit!” Claudia rifled through her jewelry box. Most of it was costume jewelry or cheap because she was five, except for one set of pearl earrings Grace had given her for this past birthday.
“Thank you” Lily smiled, walking over to their daughters and kneeling down to meet her eyes. Lily wore her favorite pink dress, long and flowy to her ankles with ruffles at the hem and neckline. The one Claudia was going to wear matched almost exactly. An old fashioned way to dress, but when your family seemed up for debate and the city’s favorite topic of gossip old fashioned was good… Lily was kind of old fashioned anyways.
Louis simply wore black slacks and white button up and his fathers gold watch he rarely wore, he felt too tired for anything else, felt too sick but he looked nice.
…He should probably call that doctor Grace told him about, right? He wanted to but it was just… it felt impossible to do. It felt foolish and childish and like he was being dramatic.
Like he had no right to be sad or… whatever this was, this heavy, tight feeling deep in his chest not in his heart but somewhere else and of course it had to do with Lestat but this was all a long time coming, wasn’t it? It had been since Daniel, since Claudia was born, since his father died, since… since he’d been the kid who realized he wanted to be a little more than friend with the other boys on the playground and who knew that wasn’t ok.
This was a bad idea, right? He’d ended up in the kitchen and took a long drink of water to hopefully calm his stomach or the urge to make himself sick, he would not. He’d been doing… ok about that.
“Ready to go?” He asked when Lily and Claudia left the bathroom where they’d (Lily’d) done their hair.
“Yep!” Claudia chirped.
When they got there it was… easier to walk in than it had been when he was hand in hand with Lestat but it was still hard to walk up to that door and knock on it after the last time he’d been there.
All of that.
“Hey guys!” Grace exclaimed when she opened the door for them, smiling widely and practically bouncing on her heels, her short, blue, heels that matched her blue dress and headband. She was far better suited to being a Du Lac than he was.
“Hey, Grace” he couldn’t help but smile when he hugged her.
She looked back into the house when they separated before whispering “you doing ok?”
“I’m alright, thank you. Starving though” he lied through his teeth, he was technically, but he’d probably eat no more than half of what was served and only because he couldn’t get away with less, especially around Lily and Grace and with not wanting to worry Claudia.
“Good! I’m making us chicken which, yeah, I’m not the best at still but I’m learning!” Grace led them inside. No turning back now.
He knew this house inside and out and it looked the same but it looked so different, felt different.
His mother stood in the kitchen, cutting potatoes into cubes with the ease of a woman who had been doing this his entire life, and she had, even before then.
“Hey mama” he crossed his arms and smiled.
She looked up at him and looked him over and just before she spoke Levi entered, thank the lord!
“Hey Lou, Lily, Claudia, good to see y’all” he liked Levi, always had since Grace brought him home and he looked at her like she hung the moon, still did but they weren’t close and that was fine.
“Levi!-” Claudia ran over to him “-look at my dress!” She swished the skirt clumsily, her hands too small to properly hold the fabric.
“Why don’t we show your cousins?” Lily offered, absolutely trying to give them time alone.
“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll love it!” Levi gave him a sympathetic look as the three of them left.
His mother spoke finally after she finished cutting the potatoes “you aren’t wearing you ring”
He sighed “I told you me and Lily-“
“Not that ring, the one I assume that Lestat gave you” she wiped her hands off and spoke sweetly.
He blinked, Grace stopped walking and raised a brow.
“Lestat’s getting me a new one, one we both pick together so no ring for a while” an innocent lie, if- when they reunited that’s what they’d do.
“So the two of you are still… together?” He saw the force it took to say even that.
Grace continued waking, taking the cutting board and putting the potatoes into the water, eves dropping like she’d always done: keeping busy so nobody would notice or comment.
“We are. I told you that already, mama”
“Slipped my mind. It’s been unclear what’s happening between you two, is all” she lied, he didn’t mind, It was a pretty one.
He swallowed hard “what’s happening between us is what one might call an engagement, when two people decide to wed each other in holy matrimony” he was normally good at pretty lies like she was, they were similar, he knew, but today he let some of that politeness go. He was just too tired for it.
His mother scoffed “holy matrimony? Is that what we’re calling it nowadays?” She let some of it go too.
“We are… I’m happy to see you, I love you” he caught her eyes flawlessly, he’d always been good at that, at catching her eyes when she was angry and being the good doting son.
She softened “I love you too, you know that i just… I don’t like this for you, Louis. It’s not right”
“Excuse me” he said and left before they had a second to protest and headed up to what was once his and Lily's bedroom, just as he’d left it and with an ensuite just as he left it. He stood in front of the mirror and splashed water on his face, he was normally clean about his… he supposed it was as good a time as any to admit it was an eating disorder. But he didn’t want to risk getting vomit all over his sleeve even if there were clothes in the closet still.
So he was trying to calm himself and, by extension, his stomach, the urge.
A knock sounded at the door, startling him out of his thoughts.
“Louis? You in there?” Lily called behind the door, concern evident.
“Yeah I just… need a minute” he looked so tired.
“Are you-“
“No! God no, I’m just trying to-…” he pushed off the sink basin and opened the door.
“Not ram a finger down your throat?” She was blunt. He appreciated it, deep down, underneath the embarrassment.
“Yeah, that” he scoffed.
“Do you think-… can you eat tonight or do I need to make an excuse?” she didn’t want to do that, he could tell, she loved Grace and Levi and the kids and got along with his mother, all things considered. They were her family and he knew she’d been in the middle of his bullshit a lot lately.
He winched “I’m gonna, yeah, and I can make my own excuse, but thank you… for everything, I mean it”
She seemed shocked but smiled all the same “you’re welcome, now let’s head back downstairs, yeah?”
“Yeah” he grabbed her hand and led them back down.
They were still in the kitchen when he came back down, milling about in silence that was far from uncomfortable, it was domestic and familiar.
“y’all need some help in here?” Lily asked, letting his hand go because there was no need anymore.
“Oh please! I’m pathetic” Grace sighed.
“Definitely” he teased, coming up to Grace and helping her plate the food and Lily joined him in carrying the plates into the kitchen.
He, despite his frustration, was not going to make his mother help with that, nor the cleaning if he could help it. It was simply respectful and right especially after she had cooked for them.
Claudia was sat at the table, hands folded neatly in her lap as she talked Levi’s ear off about anything and everything and Levi smiled and nodded as she did.
They all sat in their long assigned seats and started to eat, small talk that might as well have been silence except for the sweet babbling of infants who didn’t know better, had the privilege of not knowing of the tension weighing him down.
Louis was staring at his plate when Grace asked “do y’all have any plans for your birthday?”
He paused, putting his fork down “not yet, no… been busy” he’d had a few thoughts, passing as they may be, about what he wanted to do and it all came back to one thing: Lestat… of course it did, of course it came back to his kinda sorta fiancée who was kinda sorta scared of sometimes, who he loved deeply, who he wasn’t sure was the best thing for his child and his child needed to come first not his… follies.
That didn’t mean he didn’t want to call Lestat, though but he still wasn’t sure that’s what he wanted for a birthday.
“Will you be in town?” Levi asked casually, cutting up one of the twins' food.
“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Lily immediately stepped on his foot at that, not hard enough to cause damage but enough to hurt and for him to realize that was dumb to say.
“Well, I assume Lestat would go all out, you know? He seems smitten” Levi shrugged, Louis guessed Grace probably told him sometime between when he told her about Lestat and when the engagement was announced to the family… of course Levi was outside during that but he obviously knew, they told each other everything.
Louis smiled “he is, just, uh, busy with rockstar touring stuff, the whole vampire gimmick is good for Halloween” he guessed, anyways.
“Oh! That’d be cute, All of y’all dressed as vampires this year!” Grace exclaimed and Claudia lit up.
“Maybe” Lily said smoothly.
Yeah, maybe if Lestat still wanted him, still wanted to put up with this shit.
Claudia spoke now “I like vampires, daddy lets me watch Les’ songs sometimes” he was just happy she didn’t say ‘papa Les’
“The Claudia appropriate ones” he quickly assured, anyone under eighteen wasn’t even allowed to go let alone a five year old.
“Hmm and those are?” His mother asked, he heard everything under that question.
He smiled, more teeth than anything “cheesy love ballads, he’s been performing a lot of them lately”
“the vampire Lestat has taken over all of my everything” his wife tried to joke,
it fell a little flat when his mother said plainly, and with little interest, or what was manufactured to not seem that way, to not seem cold or cruel, how she gossiped and spoke to him as a boy “like your husband? Your life?”
“Mama, nobody is taking over anything” he discarded his food entirely, he couldn’t focus on forcing himself to eat and this conversation. He managed half.
“You’re getting a divorce” his mother crossed her hands over one another in front of her.
“That doesn’t mean I’m ousting the mother of my child! And my best friend, but that’s all she is and, if we’re being honest, all she’ll ever be” he was painfully similar to his mother at times, he knew, he could put in that cold and final tone with the flick of a switch and he knew how to be stern, he’d taken care of Grace and Paul when things fell through the cracks even before his father passed.
“Why don’t we just- just not do this in front of the kids” Grace stood slowly, calmly, and spoke the same, very much like a mother, a woman.
Levi stood next and picked up Benjamin and one of the twins and led the other and Claudia outside.
No one spoke again until the door clicked closed.
“Mama, please just listen to me. I am… I love Lestat and he makes me happy, happier than I’ve been in a long time and, yeah, he was part of that, a big one but it’s also just-! I…-“ he took a breath and didn’t let himself think of doubt or care about legacy or name “-I don’t want to run daddy’s business anymore, I can’t and honestly I’m not good at it. Or, I am but other people who work there and have since before I was even born would be better”
His mother, the one and only Florence Du Pointe Du Lac had disgust written all over her face at that “you’re daddy hand picked you for this, to take over and he taught you everything you need to know to do that and I’m sorry you are so childish you can’t understand that”
He felt sick, so sick, like his head was spinning and maybe that was because he hadn’t eaten since breakfast or maybe it was because he was just so damn angry at that “no, he didn’t. He died before he could! And I didn’t want to run it! Never have I- I want to- do what I want to do for once!”
Grace wiped her eyes, she always hated seeing people fight “…you- the other day you… you lied, right? When I asked if you were…”
He nodded: he could speak, couldn’t move. If he did he’d probably run upstairs and empty his stomach, this wasn’t ok, none of this was ok and he couldn’t do anything about it!
She turned to their mother “Louis’ right, you know? Things haven’t been doing as well since he took over and they’ll never be as good as when daddy died, no, he had a knack, a gift, but before Louis graduated and took over things were good… now? Not so much-“ she looked to him now “-you don’t have the knack for it, not naturally, sure, the moneys the same and we’re still doing good but I’ve been watching long enough to know it’s not the same”
“No… it’s not” he forced out.
“You’re just… unhappy and unhappy people don’t do that good of work” Grace whimpered.
“I am sometimes, not all the time” he tried to assure but who knows how convincing he was.
“These delusional fantasies aren’t helping that, I’d imagine” his mother said.
“How many times do I have to tell you I'm gay? It’s just who I am a- and maybe I was a little rash with Lestat but he love me” Lily grabbed his hand at that, he didn’t look back at her, that’s probably what she wanted.
“The devil works in mysterious ways, comes in and ruins a good man” his mother sat still like a queen on her throne, that’s how he always saw her even when she yelled and… hit him and… he loved her anyways and she was always, regardless of it all, a queen or held herself like one. One who, with the flick of her wrist could order an execution and- oh god, was Claudia going to think like this?
Well, no… he wouldn’t do this, hurt her, his child but would she? His mother was an old woman with the ailments and weakness that came with that and he assumed that’s why Grace didn’t suffer much at her hand or their fathers… not much, or in a different way, or maybe it was because she was their baby girl and she was… she was Grace, a light, but fragile light at times, he’d seen it dull after their father and especially so after Paul and she saw him too…
Saw that.
Saw him.
He felt a whole different kind of sick now.
At the thought of his mother and baby sister seeing Paul, of course he did too but he-… he tried to not think about that too much lest he succumb.
And he felt sick at the thought that Claudia could think of his mother the same way he did, have her hopes and dreams be stifled the same way he did, be hurt the same way he had been.
“I… am gonna go and… and I love you mama but I- I love my child more, more than anything. I can’t- I can’t live with this I… am not ok and being around someone who think the devil is in me isn’t helping” he forced out and forced down the bile in his throat.
And then the yelling started, slowly rising voices and the proclamations and that hand ripped away and his ears started ringing and his head spinning and he should’ve eaten more, right?
Most definitely, he decided as he managed to move just enough to not vomit on the table.
Did he account for the rug? No, he wasn’t thinking straight enough, or at all for that.
When he started hearing things again and his vision came back he heard “-ey, hey, Lou, it’s alright. Here- thank you” Lily was at his side and Grace was in front of him, handing her a water to hand him.
And he took it and drank it quickly, too quickly so that it burned but that was helpful right now…
He filed away that and vowed to not think like that anymore, it was not helpful to hurt yourself, no. He wouldn’t do that or be that to Lestat again, he didn’t think Lestat could handle that again.
He stood and felt disgusting and horrified. His throat still burned and his eyes still stung “I- I’m sorry. Bill me for the rug, I’ll pay for a new one o- or have it cleaned but… but I think this proves my point and Grace? I hope to see you and the kids for my birthday” with that he left, left and grabbed Claudia, bid the other kids and Levi adieu and went to the car.
Lily drove, of course, no way in hell he could and no way in hell she would let him…
Hell…
“I- I’m gay, I’m going to hell” he’d said once. Not too long ago, in a car with a man he loved and that man’s ring on his finger. Still believed it in a way but what had Lestat said?
“I think that… that if your god is real, so is his hell and being gay really is a sin and that’s where we end up? I’ll be glad to do it with you” …and now his mother really wouldn’t be at his wedding.
If he had one at all… why would Lestat really want to marry him anymore?
He was… he was not going to be sick again, if only by sheer force of will, he was not going to fuck Claudia up… anymore than he probably already had, at this point.
A text came through his phone from Grace ‘I hope I can see you sooner than your birthday, I love you, always will’
And
‘Call that doctor, please. Do it for Claudia, after all that grandstanding it would be embarrassing if you don’t’
God, this was not what they do.
And that was kinda freeing…