Archive of Our Own

The first time Tommy and Spencer kissed, it was dirty and a secret that was never supposed to leave the bar bathroom. They were drunk, and Tommy had dragged Spencer to the bathroom with him to take drunk mirror selfies (as he always does) and Spencer was next to him. 

The bathroom was dingy and had low lighting, giving off an almost yellowish green tint as Spencer caught a glimpse of him and Tommy in the mirror. 

They were leaning in on each other, Tommy had one arm swung around Spencer's neck as he rocked and leaned with Spencer, as the smaller man placed an arm on the small of Tommy's back and gripped the cloth of his shirt tightly — the same way you grab onto your loved ones in a crowd, to not lose each other. 

Tommy managed to pull his phone out and drunkenly direct Spencer, wheezing out giggles as his friend struggled to follow along. 

Spencer's hand couldn't help but travel to Tommy's hip, fingers dragging and pushing into the muscle under Tommy's pants. He wondered for a second what it would feel like with nothing in the way his fingers. 

Tommy pulled his phone down and swiped through the photos, grinning widely at them. 

“You look so cute.” Tommy teased, shoving his phone in Spencer's face, then letting his thumb swipe across the screen to prove his point further. 

Spencer couldn't stop the nervous giggle that got stuck in his throat, and felt a sudden heat pushing its way up his neck and into his face. He couldn't speak, and just shook his head. 

Spencer never knew how to respond when Tommy complimented him. Tommy was tall, gorgeous, strong looking, and the dream guy — and Spencer was nothing close to that. And maybe Spencer didn't believe him. 

Tommy almost looks shocked when Spencer denies the compliment, and couldn't help but lean further into his friend, causing the two men to stumble until Spencer's back ran straight into a wall, where Tommy was suddenly caging him against it, hands on either side of his head. 

And not a word was said, as Spencer stared up at Tommy and took in deep gasps of air, desperately. The air had basically been knocked out of his lungs as he was knocked back, and subtly forced to look upwards and at Tommy, who was staring down at him like he was starving. 

“Spencer.” Tommy spoke sharply, at least in attempt. His voice wavered slightly from the alcohol running through his veins, and maybe how fast his heart was beating. 

Spencer was craning his neck upwards as his hands nervously moved to run up and down Tommy's arms, feeling how the muscles in his biceps and forearms tensed, feeling Spencer's warm hands run across the skin. 

They had never spoken about the undeniable and clear tension that floated between them. How in any video they were in, the chemistry bounced off the walls and fans made comments about it. 

Outside of videos, they took care of each other. They left snacks and drinks at each other's desks, and Spencer was no stranger to taking off his hoodie and giving it to Tommy when he complained of being cold. There were many nights spent texting or calling, or even going over to each other's apartments.

They had always been more, but what that more was left untalked about and left for the universe. That's what Tommy always let himself believe at least. 

“Have you,” Spencer started, but stopped when he realized how dry his mouth had become. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, eyes moving across Tommy's face. “Thought about this before?” He asked, eyes finally landing back on Tommy's eyes, attempting to hold contact. 

“Kissing you?” Tommy confirmed, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

Spencer couldn't verbally say it, scared it might scare off Tommy, so he just nodded. 

“Almost everyday, bub,” Tommy confesses quietly, like the loud club music outside the bathroom door isn't enough to silence their conversations. “Can I? Please say yes." He doesn't mean it in a coercive way, but he's almost begging. It's truthfully all he can think about half the time when he's around Spencer and he hates it. 

Once more, Spencer felt like he couldn't speak. The words were stuck in his throat, and maybe it's because he was a coward, or maybe because the gravity of the situation made him feel like his tongue was too heavy in his mouth. He nodded, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

“Words, Spence.” The command in Tommy's voice made Spencer weak. And he realized he might do anything Tommy told him to do in that moment, and that was dangerous. 

Spencer realized that being this deeply infatuated with Tommy was dangerous, and he liked it. He liked the danger.

“Yes.” Spencer's voice betrayed him, and cracked. He cringed hearing himself, because he didn't recognize the voice that came from his mouth.

And Tommy giggled. Not in a mean, condescending way, but in a ‘I think you are so cute, I might have to put you in my pocket.’ way. 

The sound had Spencer grinning immediately, his hands dragging from the blond’s arms down to his waist, gripping at the fabric, acting as a silent plea to keep him close. 

Tommy moved one hand that was planted on the wall to cradle Spencer's jaw, and it was almost delicate in the matter. Spencer, once more, felt weak. He wasn't used to feeling like this. Like he was the most precious thing in the world.

But then he remembered that Tommy was drunk, and he himself wasn't anywhere close to sober. So the likelihood that this was anything more than Tommy being drunk and Spencer being easy was slim, and Spencer knew not to get his hopes up. 

Tommy lowered his head down, now ghosting his lips over Spencer's. The blond smelled like liquor and something pine-y yet floral, and Spencer had half the brains to put it together; it was his cologne he was wearing. 

“You smell nice.” Spencer whispered, unable to find his voice and speak louder. He wanted to die as soon as he said it, because what the fuck was he saying. 

Tommy couldn't stop but giggled again, and it hit Spencer's mouth and he almost whimpered about the feeling, but managed to bite his lip in time. 

“Thank you,” He hummed, his eyes trailing across Spencer's face before down to his lips, and then back to Spencer. “You’re pretty.” 

Spencer felt the heat rise to his face, and shake his head. He was sure Tommy could see it, even in the yellow lighting in the bathroom. Part of him wanted to hide forever, because his stomach twisted and turned as Tommy basically dissected him by just looking at him. 

“No?” Tommy asked, cocking his head to the side, and dragging his hand from Spencer's jaw to his chin, cradling the older chin now between his index and thumb. And fuck Spencer if he didnt almost crumble at the action, and mostly Tommy's drunken confidence. 

“Kiss me.” Spencer mumbled, voice breathy. It was all his stupid caveman brain could think about as Tommy stood above him, and now with their lips mere centimeters apart — it's all he wanted. 

Tommy didn't waste another breath of air before crashing his lips onto Spencers. Tommy's lips were soft, and still had a faint taste of liquor — maybe tequila, and something fruit mixed with it from the drinks. Spencers were chapped and dry, and now he was regretting not putting on chapstick. 

Spencer's hands were grabbing desperately at Tommy's waist, fingers gripping at his shirt and dragging him towards him and down onto him. Tommy drunkenly rolled his hips down onto Spencer, and both of them were groaning each other's mouth.

Tommy hardly asked permission, but licked across Spencer's lip and when Spencer barely opened his mouth — Tommy was shoving his tongue into the inviting and warm space that was Spencer's mouth, listening to how Spencer whimpered like a dog in his mouth.

The blond grabbed handfuls of Spencer's curls and dragged his head backwards to get an angle better into his mouth, feeling how Spencers had gained confidence and explored the warm skin under his shirt and across his waist and up his spine. 

Neither were sure how much time passed before there was a creaking at the bathroom door, signaling the door was opening. Spencer, in a rush, moved his hands to the front of Tommy's chest and shoved him away — before both men looked to see who was at the door. 

Chanse stood, looking out at the club like he was still talking to someone before turning and seeing Tommy and Spencer and cheering.

“Oh my god.” Chanse breathed out, stepping in and looking between them.

 For a moment, Spencer thinks he's been caught. He's never told anyone he's bisexual — or that he even likes men in the first place. And then there he was, making out with Tommy in a club bathroom. His face was hot, and he was definitely hard. Oh my god. He had a boner. In front of his coworkers. 

“I have been looking for you two!” He cheered, face flushed deeply from the alcohol. “Tommy, Court wants to do a duet with you.” 

Tommy laughs, looking at Spencer for a moment. There's that moment of knowing between them that they should talk about this later. “Okay. lead me to Courtney, i'll sing. Don't piss yourself, bub.” He pokes at Spencer with a wink, and Spencer nearly collapses on himself before Tommy and chanse are out of the bathroom. 

Spencer and Tommy never speak of it. 

In fact, they do a lot more spontaneous makeouts in the bathroom. 

It's bad, almost getting caught most of the time. 

In the work parking lot, in the work bathrooms, on sets before recording. It was awful. But maybe that's what made it so fun. So exciting. 

The first time they hooked up was by accident. No, really, Tommy wasn't really trying to jump Spencer's bones. That's what he says at least. 

He had invited Spencer over because he was having some wifi problem, and Spencer was the closest in the area due to running errands already and promised he'd stop by and check it out. 

Spencer was there, and Tommy unfortunately thought it was stupid hot how Spencer knew exactly how to fix it. (which to be fair, was turning his router on and off, and then rechecking the cables. Tommy could have done this, he just wanted Spencer.) 

They ended up talking on Tommy's couch, Spencer's arm hooked around the back of the couch and Tommy slotted perfectly in Spencer's space. He had gotten pretty good at invading his space lately. 

It didn't take long for Tommy to swing himself onto Spencer's lap, arms hooked around his neck — and they were making out. It was messy and heavy, teeth clacking with whining and groaning. 

Spencer started it, that's what Tommy teases with at least. Spencer's hands found their way to Tommy's hips then his ass, and was pulling Tommy down onto his own erection. 

It barely took another few minutes until Spencer and Tommy had both discarded their pants and boxers, and Spencer had a hand around either of their cocks. 

This kept happening. It happened quite a few times actually. 

they would text each other to come over for mundane reasons. 

“come grocery shopping with me, i'm bored” 

“there's a problem with my sink and i don't know what to do, fix it” 

“trying a new recipe, come over?” 

“cleo is acting a fool and need someone who's not me, she like you the most” 

“a new movie just came out on hulu, wanna watch tg?” 

And every time, without fail, they'd fuck. It started with handjobs, then Tommy gave Spencer the best blowjob to date — and then Tommy fucked Spencer. 

It was careful, and slow and the most gentle love Spencer had probably experienced in his life. Tommy was kissing each tear from his face as he pistoned his hips deep into Spencer, whispering praises to the older. 

Spencer couldn't stop asking Tommy for more. To touch him more, to kiss him more, to fuck him deeper. It was the most vulnerable he had ever allowed himself to be. 

It had been approximately six months of this. Of secret hook ups, makeouts before recording or in the parking lot. Nobody ever really suspected anything. The two had always been naturally close, taking care of each other. 

It was Friday, the last of the shoots for the day. It had been a mario kart party, and Tommy had made some excuse to sit next to Spencer and watch as Shayne, Trevor, Angela, and Chanse screamed at each other. 

Tommy had made himself comfortable in a chair, curled up with a blanket and one of Spencer's hoodies claiming to be cold — not hard to believe it. Tommy was almost always cold, and Spencer had the softer hoodies. 

As chaos ensued on stage, Tommy turned his attention to Spencer, who was already looking over at him. 

“We're all going out to karaoke after work,” Tommy whispered, not wanting to be picked up on the many mics around, though he was sure if he was they could cut out his audio. “Come with?” 

Spencer cringed initially at the idea, and Tommy saw and reached over and grabbed the curve of Spencer's arm, where bicep and forearm hinged together perfectly. Spencer was wearing a graphic tee, so the skin was exposed. Tommy's hand was cold, and it made Spencer shiver slightly. 

“I won't make you sing,” Tommy said quickly, like he couldn’t get the words out quickly enough. “Just sit with us. Just come have a few drinks, watch everyone make a fool of themselves -” and then he was glancing around, before pulling Spencer in slightly, lowering his head till it barely met Spencer's hair. “Maybe come home with me?”

Spencer couldn't help the heat that rose to his face, and immediately didn't mind the idea so much. He'd have to go home and check on Cleo, but an uber wouldn't be too expensive, and he'd definitely need someone to go and check on her in the morning — Kiana. He'd text her before leaving. 

“Promise you won't make me sing?” Spencer whispered, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Tommy with a pointed look. 

“Swear,” Tommy grinned, squeezing Spencer's arm before retracting. “We're trying to meet up around eight, but just come when you can.” 

Spencer missed Tommy's cold hand, even though he teased the younger relentlessly about his constant freezing temperatures. 

“Okay.” Spencer simply mumbled, offering a smile to Tommy, before he heard the familiar screeching and turned to look at the group. 

The rest of the recording went as smoothly as it could, for it being arguably the worst best group for Mario Kart. Tommy snuck off with them to discuss karaoke songs for the night, sending Spencer off with a wink before he was out the big heavy doors. 

Spencer was soon back at his desk, finishing up his last few emails. He could hear walking behind him, but hardly ever paid attention to them anymore. But when there was a looming presence over his right shoulder, and suddenly a hand next to the keyboard he was actively typing on — he suddenly was very flustered, in a very public space, and he knew exactly why. 

Or, who was behind it. 

Tommy fucking Bowe. 

Tommy was doing this on purpose because nobody else was around, and he knew Spencer would be easy to make blush. 

And fuck, did it work. Spencer felt small around Tommy always, but especially here and now. Tommy was basically blanketed over him, one hand on the desk, the other on Spencer's shoulder while his stupid pretty mouth was right by Spencer's ear. 

With Tommy's hand sprawled out next to the keyboard, with Spencer having halted quickly, he could see the noticeable difference in hand sizes. It made him dizzy as he stared at their hands, licking his lips as he stared downwards. 

“Can I help you, Tommy?” Spencer asked, not daring to turn his head — he didn't trust himself to not kiss Tommy. 

“Walk me out?” Tommy asked, how breath hitting Spencer's ear and he almost squirmed. 

“Can I finish my email?” The elder asked, leaning his head backwards so it rested onto Tommy. The action was normal, and the lack of warmth but comfort from the younger was familiar. 

Tommy hummed in approval, the hand on Spencer's shoulder moving and combing through Spencer's curls lightly. 

Spencer felt like his hands turned into jello as he finished his email in a few more seconds, no more than ten seconds. 

He sent it off with a harsh click to his mouse, before logging off quickly. Tommy was still breathing into his ear and curling his hand through his hair, and an unfortunate happy sigh finally fled Spencer's mouth. 

“Good?” Tommy asked, craning his neck to finally look at Spencer. 

Spencer looked at the other man with a slightly dazed look from the attention, grinning and nodding. “It's great, honey.”

The pet names started at some point a few months ago. They were secret, soft. They weren't constant, and just happened in the moment when it felt right. And it always felt right to Spencer, so he was almost calling Tommy something. 

“Let's go.” Tommy whispered, pressing the lightest kiss to Spencer's temple before he stood up straight. 

Spencer quickly gathered all his things — phone, keys, wallet, water bottle, and spare jacket. Tommy was already heading to the front before Spencer had gathered his items and stumbled from his desk to catch up. 

They made light small talk as they left the building, standing a respectful distance from each other like Tommy hadn't just blanketed himself over Spencer like they had been married for most of a decade. 

They didn't pass many people, a few from the art crew and a few fellow cast mates like Angela and Courtney, who cheered about tonight, before they were out in the familiar heat of the California sun. 

Tommy guided the path to his car, grabbing his keys from his bag as he approached his vehicle. He threw his bag and Spencer's hoodie into his backseat, before tossing his keys to the driver seat and then closing the door. 

Spencer gave a quick glance over his shoulder to ensure nobody was around, but Tommy had managed to park in the farthest corner of the parking lot. Not many people were here anyways, and there were all on the opposite side and probably wouldn't even see them if they looked. 

Tommy was barely standing before Spencer was grabbing at the collar of his shirt, and spinning them so Spencer was now pushed against Tommy's car, and dragging Tommy downwards to kiss him. 

It was a little more “grown up” (as Tommy would tease) then Spencer was expecting, but Tommy had Spencer pushed against the door of the backseat quickly, hands grabbing Spencer's waist to keep him close. 

They were licking each other's mouth immediately, and Spencer was whining. He was carding his fingers through Tommy's blonde hair and dragging him closer.

Spencer was always whining. Anytime Tommy had his hands on him, Spencer was whining. When Tommy was too far, he was whining. he felt pathetic half the time, actually most of the time. He was a grown man, and here he was whining while a man — who wasn't even his boyfriend — kissed him feverishly, like Spencer was air. 

Tommy found the strength to pull away, and was grinning. That bastard was grinning at Spencer. 

“What's so funny?” Spencer asked, looking at Tommy with flushed lips and cheeks, pouting slightly as he pulled away in the first place. 

“You're just so…” Tommy whispered, fingers rubbing at the soft fabric of Spencer's graphic tee. Tommy almost looked in love. “Cute.” 

There were moments like this, where they felt almost too couple-y. it should've made Spencer feel sick, nauseous even. but it really didn't, and he really liked it actually. He wanted more of it, but how do you ask the guy you hook up with on a weekly basis to be your boyfriend? 

“Shut up, dude.” Spencer mumbled, grinning before he tugged Tommy back down for another kiss. It wasn't as rough, more sweet but still just as hard. 

Tommy hums happily into Spencer's mouth, able to slide his hands under his shirt and place onto his waist. There was no ulterior motive, just wanting to be closer to the other man. 

Spencer was now the one who pulled back, relaxing against the car. He let his hands move from the back of Tommy's neck to the front of his chest, caressing over the fabric. 

“Do I need to bring spare clothes?” the elder asked, blunt fingernails trailing across his chest. Now that he wasn't wearing Spencer's hoodie, he could see the chest hair poking out from the collar and it made Spencer's mouth water. 

“You have clothes at my place,” Tommy shrugged, keeping his hands under Spencer's shirt. They always ended up like this. “And a toothbrush. And lube-”

“Okay!” Spencer giggled, lightly pushing Tommy's chest, who in return squeezed at Spencer's waist with a returned giggle."I'm just bringing me then.” 

“Just how I wanted it.” Tommy hummed a little too kindly, a little too sweetly — just enough to make Spencer's jaw clench and stomach hurt. 

Tommy craned down and pressed their lips together again, where Spencer sighed into his mouth. He was half blissed out already, and they were just kissing. He craved Tommy all the time, it was a little pitiful in all honesty.

“I'll see you tonight?” Tommy whispered against his lips, and in all honesty Tommy could ask him anything like this and Spencer would agree. 

“Mhm..” Spencer hummed lazily back, grinning before pulling away to look up at him. “I'll see you tonight, honey.” 

They let each other go like they were stuck like honey and sticky, and Spencer let one arm linger and stay attached as he slowly stepped off until the distance between them grew too large and his arm was no longer long enough and was forced to fall. 

Spencer could've practically fucking skipped to his car, before rising into the drivers seat and buckling himself in as Tommy pulled by, waved, and then left all together. 

Spencer let out an almost pained breath as he started the engine, and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He texted kiana asking her to go by and check on cleo in the morning, and he'd tell her later. he waited, and she replied quickly with a winking emoji and a thumbs up. he wanted to die for just a moment before he and finally left the parking lot , like he could finally breathe. 

It was hard to not always feel a little suffocated by Tommy, mostly by the knowing that he could never really have him. 

Spencer always had this stupid little crush on Tommy, ever since they first started working together. They just naturally clicked with their nerdy interests and humor that seemingly melded together perfectly. On camera, they had nearly perfect chemistry and worked together like an evil duo. 

He didn't know when it happened, he knew all the why's of loving Tommy and wanting to be more then a casual fuck once a week. 

Spencer thinks about it the whole drive home and he's on autopilot as he's pulling into a parking spot, grabbing his items, and then waking up to his apartment. This hardly registers what's happening until he's opening his front door. 

He blinks hard, then toes his shoes off by the door before walking to the kitchen and setting his bag on the counter. 

He's quick to refill Cleo's food bowl and double check her water fountain and make sure it's running properly, before checking his phone finally.

He had been added to a group chat with everyone going to karaoke tonight. It had the address already sent, and then they were all discussing songs and duets they wanted to do tonight. Spencer thumbed through the conversation as he moved to his couch, sitting down with a flop as he read the songs, grinning slightly. 

Hours pass. Spencer finds himself taking a nap on the couch for a few hours, before his alarm wakes him up and he sluggishly makes his way to the kitchen where he throws together a plate of mostly scraps and eats it quickly. It really resembled rat or bird food more than anything else, but it was good enough. 

He changed — nothing fancy. He put on a pair of cardio black pants, and changed into a white tee. He almost texted Tommy for approval, but that seemed a little too codependent. 

Spencer ordered an Uber, and with the little control he did have, he did text Tommy to let him know he'd be there in about thirty minutes. Tommy replied nearly instantly, letting him know they'd arrive almost at the same time. 

The drive there was just about as awkward as every uber ride — the driver was a little too chatty for Spencer's vibe, and Spencer was a little extra thankful when they pulled up to the bar and to get out with a rushed ‘thanks man.’ 

Spencer doesn't go in, he waits until he sees the tall stature of Tommy get out from another car before it drives off. He's wearing a tank top that barely reaches the top of his jeans, and he's wearing just a little makeup — and Spencer is blushing. 

Tommy walks to Spencer immediately, and he's eyeing Spencer like he's the most perfect thing to exist. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Tommy could've basically purred, but Spencer is pretty sure he's just making that up. 

“Hey dude,” Spencer nodded, and couldn't help as he gave Tommy another up and down. “You look good.” He complimented, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. 

“You're just saying that so I'll take you home.” Tommy teased, invading Spencer's space as they took slow steps to the short line at the door, where only a few other people were waiting. 

“Is it working?” Spencer asked, beaming upwards at the younger. 

Tommy just laughs, and they're soon at the front of the line. They're fishing out wallets and flashing IDS before getting in, and they were soon at a large booth with the rest of their friends, and more slowly trickled in. 

Spencer and Tommy both nurses drink through the night. They were slow drinkers in the first place, and neither wanted to get filthy drunk and not remember anything in the morning. That didn't mean they didn't have a nice buzz, but nothing more than that. maybe a few extra shots, but always accompanied with water after. 

Spencer joked that they were the only people keeping this place alive tonight, because they were mostly the only ones singing despite it being a literal karaoke bar.

At some point, Tommy's hand landed on Spencer's knee as he laughed, but it didn't move. Tommy's hand was heavy, searing on Spencer's leg. It made him feel stupid. 

Hours were passing quickly, and the tension between the two men was growing heavy. Spencer couldn't tell if he was hot from Tommy now having an arm looped behind him or from the overwhelming need to go home with him now. 

And almost like Tommy could hear his thoughts, Spencer felt a light tap in the space between his shoulder blades and when he turned — Tommy was looking at him with a raised brow. 

‘Ready to head out?’ Tommy mouthed, not daring to draw more attention to them. 

Spencer probably nodded too quickly as Tommy laughed at him slightly, before pulling his arm from Spencer, before tapping Courtney's arm that sat on the opposite side of him and whispering something in her ear. She nodded, before moving to stand and Tommy motioned for Spencer to follow. 

As Spencer stood, Courtney gave them each hugs and wished them a good night and to get home safe. The two went around and did their best to say goodbye to everyone, but unfortunately missed out on a few due to some drunk bathroom trips — all the familiar to Spencer and Tommy from over the months. 

Tommy and Spencer were met with the cold air outside after paying their respective tabs, and Tommy couldn't help but shiver slightly, not dressed for cooler weather. 

“Are you ever gonna learn?” Spencer asked, pointing with his eyes at Tommy's bare arms. 

“I was betting on you having a jacket.” Tommy confessed, not a hint of hesitation or regret as he spoke with a slightly cocky tone. Spencer did almost always have a spare for Tommy. 

“Not everything revolves around you, Tommy Bowe." Spencer inhaled sharply, shrugging his shoulders. He could laugh at the irony, because everything in his world did revolve around Tommy Bowe. 

Tommy gasped as if he was offended, going as far as putting his hand to his chest. The action had Spencer chuckling, shoulders rising and falling with each laugh. 

Tommy must've ordered an uber before saying goodbye to everyone, because they were hardly talking for more than a few minutes before a car pulled up and he ushered Spencer to follow him, and they were sliding in the backseat. 

The drive was short, and Tommy couldn't keep his hands off Spencer. He had an arm lazily draped behind him as he sat in the middle seat, and a heavy hand settled above his knee. 

Frankly, Spencer should have been embarrassed. They were in the backseat of some car, while a sports radio station played in the background, but Spencer was a little too selfish to really care. 

He leaned into Tommy's space, and each of Tommy's breaths hit against Spencer's neck — and whispered. It's so quiet that Spencer can barely hear it. 

“I missed you, Spence.” Tommy whispers, lips brushing against his neck. Spencer is shivering at the sensation, swallowing hard. He wants to say how ridiculous that sounds, because they see each other nearly everyday. but Spencer knows what he means. 

“Yeah?” Spencer can manage out, and he doesn't recognize his own voice. his hushed and broken. 

Tommy's mustache tickles against his neck, and he can feel him nodding. “It's lonely without you, when I'm home. All I think about is you, and now I'm about to make out with you in the back of an uber like we're back in school.” And they're now giggling, a little tipsy but mostly sober, and Tommy has his face buried in Spencer's neck. 

Spencer is sure they look like fools. giggling, probably blushing bright red as they're huddled practically on top of each other. Spencer finds the confidence to put his own hands onto Tommy, one on the hand that rested on his one leg and the other silently wrapped around Tommy's waist. 

They're stuck like glue, and Spencer couldn't think of a better way to spend the rest of his life. What a selfish thought to have, when he knows it can never be true. 

The rest of the drive is spent talking about their friends' performances from the night, in which Spencer makes a particular comment about Shayne's very drunken performance of Creep and Tommy can't stop the honk that escapes his mouth. 

They arrived at Tommy's at some point, and Tommy fished out some extra cash to give to the driver for the troubles with a scrambled apology, before they left the car and made their way through Tommy's apartment complex and to his apartment. 

They're barely inside Tommy's apartment (that smells like home to Spencer but he's not ready to dive into that) before Spencer feels Tommy grabbing at the curls at the back of his head and pulling him in for a hot and heavy kiss. 

Spencer's hands aren't attached to his arms for about three seconds before they wrap eagerly around the taller's waist and drag him in closer, and they're stumbling around before Tommy is pushed against the closest wall — a soft “hmph” from Tommy as he feels the impact against his skull. 

This is their ritual, normally. Sometimes when Tommy calls Spencer over for mundane things they can at least make it to the couch, but half the time Tommy is on Spencer as soon as he walks in and that's how Spencer likes it. less time to think. 

“Gonna be good for me tonight?” Tommy whispers against Spencer's lips, before giving his curls a tug to pull his hair back, and Spencer is looking at Tommy like he's hung the stars for him. 

There's an embarrassing noise that escapes from his throat, and he nods quickly. “Ye-mhm, yeah,” Spencer whispered, grinning and nodding eagerly. “One request?” 

Tommy backed off from the wall with slow and mapped out steps to the couch, and Spencer didn't need to look to know where they were going. The steps were slow enough that they could easily slip off their shoes, and Spencer was undoing Tommy's zipper. 

“What do you want, bub?” Tommy asked, and soon he ran into the back of his couch, and was staring down at Spencer. 

And then there was a moment of silence, besides their heavy breathing as they stared at each other. They were almost a couple in love stumbling in after a long night ready to unwind. they were almost more then coworkers who fucked on occasion. 

Spencer was almost brave enough to say it. It was there, the tip of his tongue — where it had been living for the better part of a year. It was begging to be uttered. 

I love you, Tommy. 

But instead, Spencer just grinned mischievously — he already knew what Tommy would say. 

“Let me ride you?” He whispered against the column of Tommy's throat, teeth scraping against the skin, where he could hear the deep groan from Tommy. 

“Yes. Yes, the day I say no to that, put me down." Tommy chuckled, tilting his head backwards and allowed Spencer full access to his neck, almost beckoning Spencer to bite and suck dark bruises into his skin, to leave reminders for the following day. 

But Spencer knew he couldn't. They both knew it wouldn't be worth it in the end, with the raised suspicions and questions. So as much as Spencer wanted to, and as silently as Tommy begged, Spencer just kissed and lightly scraped his teeth. 

“Bend over the cushions for me, honey,” Tommy whispered as he pulled his head the older, cradling his jaw with one hand as he motioned towards the couch behind them. “I'll grab the lube, and you get out of these clothes but your boxers, ‘kay?” 

Spencer just nodded as he looked at Tommy, his blue (nearly grey) eyes practically gone black due to his pupils. 

Tommy pressed a sweet kiss to the center of Spencer's forehead, just above the space between his eyebrows, before letting Spencer go and disappear into his bedroom — and Spencer hastily threw off his shirt and pulled down his pants, now leaving him just in a pair of navy boxers before he went and kneeled in front of Tommy's couch, knees digging into the plush carpet and elbows and hands supporting himself on the cushion. 

Spencer had been here before — the waiting never got easier, as he heard Tommy fishing around for the bottle of lube before the familiar steps were approaching the couch, and then around the couch where Spencer couldn't see him and he held his breath and nearly closed his eyes, before he felt the hand digging through his dark curls. 

Spencer looked up at Tommy, and gave an honest smile — his expression was soft, and teetered a little too close to adoration.  

Tommy was still in his pants, now allowing Spencer to practically ogle and drool at the muscles Tommy had been steadily increasing. He had always been strong, but now? God, Tommy looked like he could hear Spencer apart, tendon by tendon — piece by piece, and Spencer was scarily fine with that. 

Tommy still had his makeup on, and most of the jewelry he wore — but could feel the weight from his fingers and rings had been removed as Tommy carded his long fingers through the messy curls on Spencer's head.

“I'm going to stretch you out like this,” Tommy explained slowly, watching the elder shiver slightly at his words. “And then when you're ready, you'll ride me all pretty like.” and that stupid somewhat southern accent that only sometimes comes out when Tommy forces it just to make Spencer's stomach churn. 

And that's exactly what happens. Spencer lets out a broken noise and nods jerkily. “Yeah, yes. so hurry up." Spencer urges, back arching downwards to push his hips back in a desperate motion. 

Tommy is feeling nice, which Spencer silently  thanks God for. He also makes sure to thank God for Tommy in general while he's there. He watches as Tommy kneels down behind him, and then his boxers are being slid down and off his waist and down his thighs, and with soft groans from the pressure on his knees, his underwear was completely discarded.

Spencer is embarrassingly hard already. Sometimes with Tommy, he felt like a teenage boy with his first girlfriend. embarrassing. 

Spencer drops his head so his forehead is on the edge of the cushion, and was now staring at the carpet under him as he heard Tommy popping the cap of the lube bottle off, and then there's a gentle hand on the small of Spencer's back, and then another prodding carefully at his entrance. 

Tommy pushes one finger in and then gives a few thrusts, and then there's a slightly shocked noise before Tommy slips in a second finger with ease. 

“Have you been doing this without me?” he finally asked, and Spencer picked up his head to look at Tommy, a grin on his face. “Oh, you're dirty.” 

“A man- ahfuck..” Spencer started, but got cut off as Tommy curled his fingers upwards. “Has needs, Tommy. You should fuck me stupid more." Spencer gets mouthy like this, as Tommy has learned about him and also learned to love. 

“You can just call me,” Tommy whispered, leaning over and he was suddenly right in Spencer's ear. “Have me come over, fix your problem.”

Tommy's wrist is working faster into Spencer, and the hot breath in his ear isn't helping how flustered the elder was starting to feel suddenly. 

“Even,” Spencer whispered, and he forgot where his sentence was going for a moment as he stared at Tommy's carpet and felt how perfectly Tommy's fingers fit in him. “If it's the middle of the night?” He barely managed out before a moan was punched out of his lungs. 

“Especially if it's the middle of the night,” Tommy hummed, and with a gentle urge with Tommy's nose against Spencer's temple, Spencer picked his head up and looked at Tommy with a red face. “You know I do it better.” 

Spencer felt like he had been punched straight in the gut and all the air had been knocked from his lungs as he stared at Tommy, a whimper fleeing his lips before he could stop it. he's hot, all over, despite Tommy's freezing cold apartment. 

“Tommy.” Spencer whined, face all screwed up and eyebrows drawn together as he stared at Tommy. He felt stupid, which made him feel so embarrassed. 

“Yeah, bub?” Tommy was stupid cocky when Spencer started to get whiney, which wasn't very hard. It made Spencer want to wipe the stupid smile off his face and tell him off, but he also found it ridiculously attractive. 

“Let me ride you, now.” Spencer's voice was small, like he had to find it in his gut to speak up and ask — except he wasn't really asking, he was more demanding. 

“Ask me nicely.” Tommy grinned, and curled his fingers again — watching how Spencer's body convulsed at the sensation, and another whiney moan was pulled out of him. 

Spencer now really wanted to punch him, but he felt like his body had turned into jello. He wasn't even sure how he was keeping himself up anymore besides pure spite. 

Spencer stared at Tommy with big eyes, glasses falling down the bridge of his nose. He looked nearly pathetic. nearly. 

“Please.” Spencer whispered, tilting his head forward and letting his lips ghost over Tommy's, eyes flickering down towards his lips before looking up at him again. 

Tommy just grinned — that stupid shit eating grin, and retracted his fingers from Spencer, listening to how he whined at the empty sensation before he kissed him to swallow up the noise. It was a quick kiss, before pulling away and tugging down his pants and boxers. 

Tommy was painfully hard, and leaking precum. Spencer always relished in the fact that he was the only one who got Tommy like this. Maybe it made him a little possessive, even if Tommy wasn't really his — Spencer was the only one he was fucking. 

And then the sick reality hit that they were only fucking. There was no real romance or courting or anything behind anything they were doing. They were just grown, consenting adults who relied on each other to make each other feel good. 

But then Spencer made himself shake the thoughts as he took a sobering breath, blinking hard as he watched Tommy. 

Spencer could've been drooling like a dog at the sight of a naked Tommy, especially as he settled himself onto the couch, and then gave a little come here motion with his fingers — and Spencer was scrambling up and into Tommy's lap.

Their lips crashed together before Tommy had a chance to make another smartass comment, but Spencer could feel him grinning as he was licking into his mouth and panting against his lips. 

“You gonna be good and ride me all pretty?” Tommy asks, an arm looped around Spencer's waist as he leans forward and keeps Spencer close to his body to grab the lube, mumbling each word breathlessly against his lips. 

“Yes,” Spencer mumbled, hands crashing Tommy's jaw, kissing the corner of Tommy's mouth and then his jaw, feeling how their combined stumble rubbed against each other. “I'm always good, right?” Spencer didn't care how embarrassing it sounded anymore, letting his weight sit on Tommy's thighs where he could feel how impossibly hard he was against him. 

“Yes,” Tommy is giggling sweetly, endearingly as he hears Spencer. With his free hand, he uses his thumb to pop open the lube cap and then he retracts his arm from Spencer's waist to pour the lube onto his fingers and then he's slicking himself up as he feels Spencer track hot and open mouth kisses across his neck. “My perfect boy.” he coos, and Spencer whined again. 

Tommy urges Spencer up with a few taps to his back, and Spencer obeys easily and shifts to his knees and he now hovers over Tommy's lap, hands resting on his biceps. He may have a little obsession with his muscles, but he's never confessed. (He'd never have to, Tommy knew.)

Spencer looked down as Tommy kept one hand on the elder's hip, the other at the base of his dick to help guide him. Spencer slowly started to lower himself, and as soon as the head of his dick was pushing past his entrance, a heavy breath left his mouth. 

Tommy was babbling praises that Spencer was choosing to ignore. Every praise made Spencer fall and stumble a little deeper in love with Tommy, and he was so mouthy and praiseful whenever they had sex. Don't get Spencer wrong — he loved it, but he hated it more. 

Spencer was taking Tommy's length inch by inch, whimpering and gasping before he was fully settled onto his lap, fingers curling into Tommy's bicep. When he finally looked at Tommy, he was grinning stupidly. 

“Hey,” Tommy said gently, like how you coax a scared animal out of hiding. “Come here often?” 

He's stupid Spencer thinks, but he's grinning back. 

Spencer couldn't help but scoff, which made him clench around Tommy — and then in response Tommy thrust lightly into Spencer, which caused a shocked moan to be pulled from Spencer. What a wonderful domino effect. 

“Fuck,” Spencer breathed out with a light chuckle, feeling Tommy's hands explore his body. His hands had significantly warmed up by now, and were reaching across his hips and waist, stomach, back. One reached up and sprawled across his chest. “I should be on top more. This always feels so.. fucking good.”

Tommy giggles, and nods in agreement. “I like you on top.” Tommy's hands finally settled on his waist, large hands stretched across his skin. He must have cut his fingernails recently, because unlike the normal slightly painful sensation of Tommy digging into his skin, it was blunt as Tommy held onto him. He missed it. 

Spencer started slow, little rolls and grinds down into Tommy's hips. They were letting out soft gasps and groans, and Tommy was slowly guiding Spencer and using all strength to not fuck his hips up into Spencer, he wanted the elder to take his time and not feel rushed. 

It wasn't much longer until Spencer found the confidence to bring himself upwards on Tommy's length, before dropping himself down. It shot electricity through Spencer's belly, making him gasp sharply. 

“There we go,” Tommy breathed out, head dropping on the back of the couch as one hand slid to the small of Spencer's back, almost as a way to help guide the other, a groan spilling from his mouth. “Thats good, sweetheart.” 

Spencer couldn't talk back, he didn't trust himself too. He was pretty sure if he did his mouth would confess his deepest secrets. His brain and mouth were not connected during sex with Tommy, his brain and his mouth were more connected than anything. 

With Tommy's hands on him, Spencer was able to rise himself to leave just the tip of Tommy in him — and the drop down. As Spencer did this motion and repeated it as he gained confidence, Tommy began to thrust upwards and meet Spencer — finally brushing the sensitive bundle of nerves that Tommy had been avoiding. 

“Fuck!” Spencer cursed aloud, suddenly feeling lightheaded at the pleasure that was coursing through his belly, and he couldn't stop as he scratched down the younger's biceps, head falling forward and onto Tommy's shoulder. “Again, please Tommy.” 

And who was Tommy to tell him no? Especially when he sounded so sweet? 

Tommy met each fall of Spencer's hip with a harsh thrust of his hips, pulling out hoarse moans and whines from his chest. He was babbling a mess of Tommy, yes, oh god, more and Tommy was just whispering back in moans full of I know, so pretty for me. 

And like always, that hot coil was building in his stomach — and it always made his lips loose. He could always fix it by kissing Tommy stupid, which he was trying to do, but his lips weren't landing on his mouth right. It was all teeth and tongues too big for their mouths. 

Spencer's stupid heart was connected to his mouth, where it was beating too fast, and Tommy was being too sweet like always. And it was right there on the tip of his tongue, just like it always was. I love you. I love you. I love you. 

Normally, he could just stop himself — but his heart had swelled too big and his tongue was too loose so before he could stop himself, he was panting like a dog into Tommy's mouth as he bounced in his lap, clawing at his arms as Tommy was guiding his hips and suddenly - 

“I love you.” Stumbled out his mouth, like how you slip on ice in the winter, too slippery and too quick for Spencer to be able to stop it. 

Spencer froze, planted on Tommy's lap, face pressed into the side of Tommy's face, breathing heavily, eyes closed so tight it almost hurt. 

He wanted to run. And he honestly tried, he really did try to pull himself from Tommy's lap but his hold was iron strong. He moved so he had an arm wrapped completely and strongly around Spencer and now he was cursing Tommy for going to the gym and being so strong, and the other grabbed Spencer's jaw to force the elder to look at him. 

Spencer, in all honesty, could have started crying at this moment — and he was still pretty sure he might've. Tommy was breathing hard, eyebrows pulled together in a deep furrow. 

“What did you say?” Tommy asked, voice breathy and uneven from being out of breath. He was hot and red in the face, and Spencer felt like Tommy was about to start putting holes in him with how hard he was staring. “Spencer. What did you just say?” His voice was authoritative, and Spencer was only then registering the wetness on his face. 

Spencer squirmed, then remembered a cock was in him and immediately whimpered and halted his hips, shaking his head. 

“Tommy-” Spencer said, and he suddenly felt a scratch deep in the back of his throat, and how uneven his voice was. “Fuck, you weren't- I'm so s-” 

Spencer can't finish what he's saying, because Tommy is flipping them around, and Spencer is being pushed onto the couch cushion. And Tommy's mouth is slammed against Spencer's mouth in a bruising kiss. One arm is above Spencer to brace himself, the other has an iron grip still on Spencer's waist. 

Spencer is gasping and moaning into Tommy's mouth, the sudden reposition and feeling Tommy kiss Spencer like they were running out of time was nearly enough to make him cum, and how impossibly deep he feels in Spencer now. 

“Say it again.” Tommy is begging against Spencer's lips, and then he's leaving hot and wet kisses across Spencer's neck and then his chest, hardly letting Spencer have a second to breathe. 

“Hah! Tommy,” Spencer pants, arching into Tommy and bucking his hips at Tommy, hands fisting Tommy's hair and pulling. “I love you so much.” 

The blond’s hips thrust hard into Spencer, without mercy, without regard to the others' loud moans. Spencer was always loud, he couldn't ever help himself. Tommy was good to him. 

“Spencer.” Tommy is whimpering into his chest, and Spencer is cradling his head there and holding him close, like he might run away. He's fucking into Spencer like he has something to prove, and Spencer feels weak. He's moaning and writhing under Tommy.

His orgasm is approaching quickly, and Spencer is panicking. He's scared of what happens after, and he's getting stuck in his head to the point that Tommy notices. 

The blond picks his head up and is staring at Spencer in a way that he's seen before, in that stupid fucking 'You're the most precious thing to me’ way but he's never thought twice about until right now. 

“Bub,” and Tommy's stupid voice lures Spencer back in, and Spencer is moaning and nodding in response. “Come on, I got you.” Spencer believes him. He always trusts him, which is probably Spencer's fault. 

“Tommy,” Spencer cries, arching his back into the other, shaking his head slightly. It's almost painful how close he's getting, but with his unfortunate confession he feels. like he almost doesn't deserve it. “I’m - fuck.. oh, please, baby.” He's begging, he doesn't care. He's selfish. 

He's wanted Tommy for years. He's been in love with him for years and he knows that. The last thing he can selfishly get is one last orgasm before he's sure Tommy kicks him out. 

Tommy moves one hand down between them and wraps it around Spencer's dick, and Spencer cries immediately. He's squirming like he can't decide if he's trying to get away or roll his hips into Tommy's hand and his hips are grinding into him deliciously. 

Spencer is babbling nonsensically. He doesn't even hear himself, or what Tommy is encouraging and whispering back. Everything is too much, and all Spencer can register is how wet his face is and Tommy's hands on him and his voice. 

Then it hits without Spencer being able to warn Tommy. He's gasping and moaning and squirming away from Tommy, but Tommy is holding him so tightly that Spencer is sure he's going to be bruised. He's fumbling over his words, which is a mix of swears of Tommy's name over and over again as he's coming over his belly and Tommy's hand. 

Tommy isn't far behind him, and Spencer feels as his hips push once more flush against Spencer, and then he's coming with a sharp gasp of Spencer's name on his tongue as he finishes in the elder. He's thrusting his hips weakly through his orgasm — one, two, and then a third before he stops. 

They stay there for a while, breathing heavily and Spencer sniffling and wiping his face clean of tears and snot, which he finds gross. 

“You can,” Spencer starts, which startles Tommy to look up at him and furrow his eyebrows. “Um, get up. I'll go.” He's prepared for rejection. for this to end, their perfect arrangement. 

“Why would you go?” Tommy asks, hands gliding up Spencer's sides gently as a way to maybe help calm him down.  It's not working.

Spencer looks at Spencer like he's stupid. he's reminded of how weird the timing of this conversation is when he can feel the cum drying on his stomach and the soft dick in him, and it makes him cringe. 

“Can we at least clean up?” Spencer mumbled, barely able to even hold eye contact with Tommy. 

“Are you going to run before we talk?” Tommy asks, and his tone is a little too serious for Spencer and he wants to crawl into the couch and hide. 

He thinks about lying, but just shakes his head and Tommy gives a pointed look and waits for an answer. “No, I won't run.” And now that he's said it, he won't. 

They clean up in silence together. It would be awkward if it wasn't Tommy and Spencer, who love taking care of each other and are quick to help each other. Tommy is wiping down Spencer, and Spencer is helping Tommy with his clothes. 

They're soon sitting at the dining table, across the way from each other. They both have a cup of water in front of them, and what feels like an ocean's worth of silence between them. 

Spencer is wearing Tommy's shirt, and a pair of gym shorts he had left here. Tommy is wearing one of his own shirts and a pair of sweatpants. Both of their hairs are rustled and a mess, Spencer's face is stained with tears. The silence feels like three tons sitting on each of their respective shoulders. 

“Spencer,” Tommy finally speaks up, and Spencer flinches at his voice. “I'm not mad.” 

“You should be.” Spencer's voice is harsh, more than he means to be. He didn't mean to sound so mean, or to speak so quickly. He's just scared. He's staring at the table, where his hands are folded together. 

“Because that's not what… this was supposed to be,” Spencer didn't let Tommy speak, he wanted to delay the rejection. “This was supposed to be fun, and nothing - I dunno, serious. You're just always so good to me, and so nice,” He's rambling, and he glances at Tommy who's just nodding, letting Spencer have this moment. 

“But then I realized that I wanted this all the time. I get so… I wouldn't say I'm sad, but I want you around me all the time. I keep your favorites at my apartment, and your clothes, and a spare toothbrush,” And Spencer can't stop, and he's looking back down at his hands. “And you keep my stuff here, and at some point I just… I realized I wanted more. It's fine if you don't - I can stay professional, and I'll take all my stuff home.” 

Spencer is just talking, he doesn't even hear that Tommy is standing up and walking to the other side of the table. He doesn't register Tommy's hand on his jaw until Tommy is forcing Spencer to look up at him, and suddenly Spencer's face is hot. 

“Spencer,” Tommy speaks slowly, and sweetly. and Spencer just nods slowly, feeling Tommy's other hand card through his curls. “Did you ever think that I might want more?” 

Spencer's mouth runs dry, and he can't find the words that he just had, so he just shakes his head. 

“Bub,” Tommy's term of endearment that has stuck for years and without fail, makes Spencer's stomach twist. “I've been in love with you for years.” 

Spencer's eyes widen, and his body moves without his consent. He's clambering out of his seat and gripping onto Tommy, and bringing him down into a bruising kiss. 

Tommy lets a startled noise hit Spencer's mouth before he's kissing back, hands gripping Spencer's hair as he's pulling him closer. There's something different behind the way they're kissing, and Spencer wants to kiss like this all the time — 

They can kiss like this all the time. 

“Be my boyfriend.” Spencer mumbles into Tommy's mouth, voice breathy and uneven like he's scared Tommy might just say no. 

Tommy is laughing, and for the first time since Spencer's accidental confession he's not scared there's an ulterior reason behind it besides Tommy just giggling. 

“You're so bossy,” Tommy is giggling, and Spencer wants to swallow up every noise he makes and he's trying, like really trying as he keeps landing kisses on Tommy's lips like he's starved. “Ask me sweetly, like I know you can.” 

Spencer scoffs and pulls away from Tommy to stare at him, hands planted on the curve where shoulder meets neck, and Spencer feels like his body is full of electricity. 

“Thomas,” Spencer speaks slowly, using his real name, which had Tommy scoffing. “Will you, with as many cherries on top as you want, and a blowjob-” Spencer starts, and Tommy gives Spencer's hair a gentle tug which gets Spencer grinning. It's like he was never scared in the first place. “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Tommy is kissing him again, and smiling as he's kissing him — Spencer can feel it. It's a chaste kiss, sweet and enough to convey what he's going to say, and Spencer feels like he might collapse.

“Yes Charles,” Tommy answers, using Spencer's government name which makes Spencer cringe slightly, but he's too busy trying to kiss Tommy. “I'll be your boyfriend.” 

Spencer thinks about thanking Tommy but that feels a little weird, so he lands on just one more kiss, before pulling back and staring at Tommy like he's seen a ghost. 

“Do you think there's a betting pool?” Spencer suddenly asks, very seriously. 

Tommy can't help but honk out a laugh, and kisses Spencer's forehead. “Let's go to bed, and we can plan in the morning.” 

Tommy leads Spencer to the familiar bedroom, and Spencer is crawling into the warmth under the duvet, putting his glasses carefully onto the bedside table as Tommy is turning off lights. As soon as Tommy is under the duvet as well, Spencer rolls over and makes himself comfortable — head planted onto Tommy's chest, an arm draped across his stomach, and legs tangled together. 

Tommy is dragging a hand across Spencer's tattoos, which is easily making his eyes heavy and making him sleepy. 

“Hey, bub?” Tommy whispers to the darkness, but Spencer can feel Tommy's eyes on him. 

Spencer just hums in response, too tired to form words. He pushes his face further into Tommy's chest, and kisses over the fabric gently. 

“I love you.” and it's real, Spencer realizes. well, he knew it was real — the acceptance of being his boyfriend made it real, but that really made something shift deep in his stomach. 

“Love you.” Spencer can mumble into the fabric, smiling even if Tommy can't see.