Chapter Text
The crowded bar was filled with warmth and glowing with Christmas cheer as friends and family gathered around to merrily celebrate the Festive season together. Despite the cosy atmosphere inside, Dave sat alone in the corner of the bar feeling like the weather outside, cold and frosty. He hadn’t wanted to attend the Christmas party but had been out voted by his three bandmates. Hooray for democracy he thought bitterly as he took a sip of his beer and continued to observe the drunk and lively crowd that surrounded him.
“Are you going to sit there with that scowl plastered on your face all Christmas Eve?” his bassist and best friend David asked, appearing out of nowhere to stand beside the singer. Dave could smell the alcohol radiating off David’s breath as he slung his arm around Dave’s shoulders. His face was flushed red from the combination of alcohol and heat inside the overcrowded room, reminding Dave of Santa's rosy cheeks. At some point during the night, David had obtained a Christmas Hat which was two sizes too big for him that he had to keep adjusting every time it slid down over his eyes.
“I will if it means people leave me alone and I don’t end up looking as ridiculous as you with that hat on,” Dave quipped.
“First of all, I have already been told by someone tonight that I look very cute in this hat,” David retorted.
“If you say so,” Dave scoffed.
“Secondly, stop being such a Grinch!! Try to have some fun, Dave. Maybe the night will turn out better than you think,” David replied, ignoring his friend’s downcast mood. He had a plan in place to help Dave get into the Christmas spirit, now he was waiting to see if it worked and hoping that it didn’t end up backfiring on him.
“Have faith in a Christmas miracle. They happen more often than you think,” David said cryptically, giving Dave a small pat on his back before disappearing back into the crowd again.
Dave knew he should be happy; he had everything anyone could ever want. Fame, fortune, men and women throwing themselves at him and getting to play the role of a rockstar for a living. Everyone else thought that he was living the perfect life, but his reality was completely different from that perception. None of those things could give him what he desperately craved, getting back the piece of his heart that had been missing for over a decade now. Sitting at the bar alone watching all the other happy couples laughing and celebrating together only made Dave’s heart ache more. He only had one wish for Christmas - to love someone with his whole heart. He had tried so hard to find someone that he could surrender his entire heart too but always failed no matter what he did. He couldn’t love anyone else unconditionally, not when his heart still clung to the secret moments and memories shared between him and the little Danish drummer from Metallica over a decade earlier. The next Christmas Carol that came blaring over the bar’s speakers only added salt to Dave’s wounds as he sat there scowling at anyone who dared to come anywhere near him.
As melody of The Little Drummer Boy rung out across the room, Dave closed his eyes and tried to block out the memories in his mind that refused to fade no matter how much time passed by. Dave could still remember the first night that Lars and he had spent together as lovers. How Lars had looked so delicate and beautiful writhing around in pleasure underneath him. How he fucked just like he played drums, full of energy, passion and attitude. A mischievous little brat, always wanting and needing attention. Lars had been searching for someone who knew exactly how to tame and control him, and Dave had been just the right person for that job. After that night Dave and Lars had fallen hard and fast for each other, but their relationship had ended almost as soon it began. Dave was cast aside and left to watch from afar as the love of his life moved on without him. Dave had tried to mend his broken heart, but nothing he did seemed to work. That little drummer boy had taken a huge piece of it when he had left, and Dave hated the fact he couldn’t get it back no matter how hard he tried.
Dave was about to take another sip from his drink when he heard a group of people laughing and cheering at the table closest to him. He glanced over to see what all the commotion was about and almost dropped his drink in shock over what he saw. Amongst the crowded table, standing there looking more irresistible than ever was his ex-boyfriend Lars. The drummer was dressed in skin-tight leather pants that looked impossible for him to get out of, along with a fitted shiny long sleeve black shirt that had the sleeves pushed up just below his elbows. Lars brand new makeover had left Dave not only speechless but also extremely turned on. It wasn’t just his outfit that made Dave’s cock twitch and tighten in his pants, it was his whole new look. Gone was Lars long hair, now cut so short that it now only reached the nape of his neck with a slight curl toward the end of it. His complexion had been enhanced with some sort of foundation or powder, and he had smudged his eyeshadow creating a smoky look around his eyes that were boarded with black eyeliner.
The drummer looked like a rent boy for sale and Dave’s cock just like his heart was betraying his more rational sensibilities. The petite drummer was practically begging to be bent over the table and fucked in front of everyone there. Dave had to grip hold of his own table tightly to stop himself from storming over and doing just that. All he could think about was claiming Lars in front of everyone there. Lars was needy little whore, who was constantly horny and always desperate to be satisfied, but he was only meant to a needy little whore for Dave and no one else. Dave could feel the anger and jealously burning inside him, but he knew he couldn’t act on impulse. He had already been made to look like a fool because of Lars, he wouldn’t allow that to happen to him ever again.
Dave narrowed his eyes as Lars slung his arm around his bandmate Kirk’s shoulder, looking very cosy as he lounged all over him. Dave had heard rumours about the two of them being together but was unsure if they were true. The way they hung all over each other was convincing enough, but both Lars and Kirk were also notorious for sprouting lies just for fun to see how people reacted to them. That included trying to provoke their own lead singer James into reacting to their over affectionate behaviour in interviews together. Dave could feel the heat continuing to rise inside him as he watched Lars laugh at something Kirk whispered in his ear. Dave almost knocked his beer over again when the two bandmates suddenly pushed their tongues out of their mouths and touched them together. Dave wanted to look away but found himself transfixed on the pair as they began to make out in front of everyone.
A deep dark anger slowly started to rise inside Dave, as he watched Lars climb on top of Kirk’s lap. There were a storm of emotions swelling inside of him, as he watched Lars throw his head back allowing Kirk access to his neck. Dave could of swore that Kirk stared directly at him as he started nibbling on sensitive skin below Lars ear, while his hand began to rub Lars cock through his pants. Part of Dave was incredibly turned on by the sight of the two men making out in front of him, but the other larger part wanted to tear Lars away from Kirk and remind him just who he belonged to.
He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t stay there watching the man who had replaced him in Metallica also replace him as the only person who had ever been able to give Lars what he truly wanted and needed. It hurt too much, not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He had to get out of the room before he lost complete control of his emotions and did something he would end up regretting. Fucking or fighting his way out of it was his response to most situations like this, but this time he was choosing an extremely rare third option; fleeing.
Dave stood up off his stool abruptly and began to make his way through the crowd toward the door. He had almost reached the exit when he felt someone grab hold of his hand. A jolt of electricity shot through him making him as he recognised the gentle touch of his ex-boyfriend’s hand on his wrist.
“Dave, wait!! Don’t leave yet,” Lars cried out from behind Dave.
“Get off me,” Dave spoke sharply, as he yanked his hand away from Lars like it had been burnt. Dave took a deep, calming breath as he turned around slowly to face the man whose voice and image had haunted his dreams and nightmares every day for years.
Lars took a step back from Dave, an unmistakable look of hurt and sorrow flashing in his eyes but it was gone within a matter of seconds. Lars gazed up at Dave not uttering a word. For the first time in his life, the smaller man appeared unsure of what to do or say next.
Dave was fighting his own internal battle over what to do, as he came face to face with his ex. Part of him wanted to pick Lars up and carry him over his shoulder to the nearest bathroom, so he could fuck some of his anger out. Make the little slut beg for his forgiveness while he was down on his knees sucking Dave’s cock. Make him choke on his thick cock, bringing tears to Lars’ eyes just so he could watch the eyeliner run down his face. Once Dave was done face fucking the little whore, he would come all over his face and walk away leaving Lars to take care of himself. If luck was really on Dave’s side than Kirk would walk in to discover his slutty boyfriend on his knees with his makeup completely ruined and his face and hair coated in another man’s come. It would be Dave’s ultimate act of revenge on the band, but mostly on both Lars and Kirk. Lars for leaving him behind without a second chance of redemption and Kirk for stealing his position in Metallica and his boyfriend, even if none of it really was his fault.
There was also another part of him that Dave didn’t want to acknowledge, the much deeper part inside him that had made his heart skip a beat the moment Lars touched him. He didn’t want to look into those mesmerizing green eyes that were gazing up at him for fear of losing what little self-control he had left. If he let go of any of the anger and bitterness he felt toward his ex, it would break the very slim barrier he had put in place to protect his heart. He couldn’t allow that to happen; he wouldn’t allow the drummer to get close to him again.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to touch you like that. I just wanted to stop you before you left the party. Is there a chance before you leave, that we can talk?” Lars asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“Why would I want to talk? I have better things to do than waste my time hanging out with you,” Dave sneered, hoping that would be enough to deter the smaller man away from him. He didn’t want the words to sound as harsh as they did coming out of his mouth, but he also didn’t want to give Lars any indication that he still cared about him.
“I know you don’t want to see me or have anything to do with me but… ummm…. I wanted to apologise for how I treated you when we kicked you out of the band and how I broke up with you because of it. It wasn’t fair on you, and you deserved so much better than to be treated that way,” Lars confessed, taking Dave completely by surprise.
“Your boyfriend going to be happy about you talking to me?” Dave said, nodding his head toward Kirk who was watching the interaction between them carefully and preparing to intervene if he needed to.
“Kirk is not my boyfriend, and he doesn’t have any issues with you. He wasn’t the one who kicked you out of Metallica. That was me and James, with a tiny bit of input from Cliff,” Lars insisted, defending Kirk who had been an innocent bystander throughout the whole drama.
“Could have fooled me about you and him being together. He is dressed like a pimp, and you look like one of his rent boys, Princess” Dave retorted, unable to stop his old nickname for Lars automatically rolling off his tongue.
“We aren’t together, we might mess around with each other sometimes, but it’s nothing serious. Our heart’s both belong to other people that neither of us can ever be with,” Lars admitted looking up at Dave with glint of sadness in his eyes.
Dave didn’t reply instead he just stood there glaring at the drummer waiting for him to continue with his apology. As tempted as he was to tell the drummer to go away and leave him alone, he also wanted answers. He needed to know why Lars walked away from him so easily, why didn’t he fight to stay with him? Why didn’t he get a second chance?
“I know you want nothing to do with me. All I ask for is five minutes of your time so I can offer you a genuine apology for the way I treated you. You won’t ever hear from me again after that, not if you don’t want to,” Lars explained, sounding unusually nervous.
Dave considered his options. He could tell Lars that he never wanted to see him again and didn’t want to hear whatever bullshit was about to come out of his mouth, which was his preferred option. The other option was listening to what Lars had to say and maybe then the hole in his heart would start to heal and he could finally move on with his life. It appeared that Lars was allowing Dave to be in total control over what happened next and was willing to accept his decision either way.
Dave wasn’t sure how he felt about this meeker version of his ex-boyfriend. He knew the drummer was only trying to respect Dave’s wishes by not pushing him too hard, but he wanted to see that defiant spark in Lars eyes. The one that was always there ready to fight anyone for anything that he wanted or desired, the real Lars.
“Let’s take this outside. I don’t want everyone else listening in, it’s none of their business what we are talking about,” Dave ordered, turning his back to Lars as he stomped out of the bar.
Lars followed along behind Dave obediently, giving Kirk a thumbs up on the way out to indicate that everything was okay. Kirk grinned back at Lars, returning the gesture before making his way across the room to inform David that everything the three men had planned together seemed to be falling into place.
“You have five minutes to talk. Spit it out, Princess,” Dave ordered as soon as they were both standing on the footpath outside the bar.
Lars green eyes twinkled as he was unable to stop himself from blurting out, “That’s the first time you have ever demanded that I spit anything out.”
Dave smirked at Lars, that was the spark he was looking for. The sign that he was talking to the real Lars and not one who was trying to hold back anything that he really wanted or needed to say. The one who would give Dave all the answers that he had been seeking for so long and finally allow him closure.
Lars took in a deep breath, pausing for a moment as he tried to find the right words to convey just how much he regretted leaving Dave behind all those years ago, “I wanted to apologise for all the hurt that I caused you in the past, Dave. I put the band first over our relationship, when you should have always been my number one priority. I can’t take back all the words that hurt you or any of the things I did, but I can say from the bottom of my heart that I am truly sorry for all the pain and heartache that I caused you.”
Dave was quiet for a moment as he tried to settle all the confusing thoughts that were racing through his head. His emotions were running wild, a mixture of anger, hurt, betrayal, but also desire, hunger and need to reclaim what should have always been his. Lars was never meant to leave Dave behind; yet he still walked away from him all those years ago.
“Why apologise now? After all these years apart, what made you change your mind all of a sudden? We have played gigs together before and you never said a word to me about it. You have spent years pretending that you didn’t rip my heart out of my chest the day you walked out on me, so why do you want to talk to me now out of nowhere.” Dave questioned angrily.
“James and I both tried tracking you down to apologize after every single one of those gigs, but you kept avoiding us every time. You would talk and joke around with us whenever we were in a big group together or around other bands, but then you would disappear the moment we wanted to talk about anything more serious with you. I could never get you alone anywhere to say sorry!! The only reason I found you today was because David told Kirk that you were going to be here,” Lars argued.
“David needs to learn to keep his big mouth shut,” Dave grumbled, as he finally understood why his bassist was talking about Christmas miracles earlier in the night. He didn’t even know that David talked to Kirk outside of the random gigs that they had played together!! Dave made a mental note to question David about that later, his bassist had a lot of explaining to do.
“Don’t blame him, it wasn’t his fault. He honestly thought he was helping everyone and just wanted you to have a good Christmas this year,” Lars replied with a small grin, before continuing with his apology. “I don’t have many regrets in life Dave but leaving you behind is my biggest one. I should have talked to you about it first before we decided to kick you out of the band. I was so caught up in making sure that the band would be successful that I took the easy road, rather than waiting to see if you would get your shit together first."
“Do you know how much pain it caused me? I lost my band, my friends and my lover without any warning. Do you know how hard it was to watch you guys achieve so much success without me? How much sleep I lost thinking about you, after all those plans that we made together? I probably would have even forgiven you for kicking me out of the band eventually, since that angry, drunken path I was heading down wasn’t good for me or for us. What I don’t understand is why you ended our relationship too? You did it without even talking to me about it first, even after I pleaded with you not to turn your back on me. You didn’t even try to call me, not fucking once after the breakup. You could have at least tried to contact me to see if I was still alive and breathing, but you tossed me aside like I was nothing to you,” Dave spat out.
“I don’t have an excuse for that and nothing I do or say is going to change what I did in the past. I didn’t want to face the reality or consequences of my own actions. I didn’t want to try and balance having both you and Metallica in my life once we exploded onto the music scene. How could I come home to you every night bragging about our success? Not when you had worked so hard to be part of it in the beginning and I was part of taking that away from you. I couldn’t do that; it would have been like stabbing the knife in your heart over and over again. Even if we had stayed together and I pushed for you to be allowed back into the band, we would have needed to fire Kirk and he didn't do anything wrong to deserve that either. I honestly didn't believe at the time that having all five us in a recording studio or on stage would have worked. Two big egos in the band like James and mine was enough, we didn't need a third to add even more drama. I did what I thought was right at the time, but I got it so very wrong and handled it badly. You have no idea how many times I was tempted to pick up the phone to call you not long after we broke up, but I would always chicken out at the last minute. I have never been afraid to take risks in life, but when it came to facing you after our breakup, I turned into the biggest coward on the planet,” Lars admitted, looking dismayed over the mistake he had regretted for years.
“Do you even remember all those nights we spent together? All those empty promises that you made? Was it all just a game to you, because it wasn’t for me. I loved you with my entire heart and soul, I would have done anything for you,” Dave shouted, wanting to know if he has been a fool all throughout their relationship. Had Lars ever really loved him or was it all just one big lie?
“No, it was never a game to me. I loved you Dave, but I let my selfishness and greed tear us apart. I have thought about you every day since we broke up and have never been able to forget you. A part on me died that day I pushed you away, a part of me that I’m never going to get back. That is my own fault and something I’ll regret to the day I die,” Lars confessed, as a single tear ran down his face.
“I am sorry for all the pain I caused you, Dave. While I am asking for it, I certainly don’t expect your forgiveness. I would love nothing more than to be friends with you again, but I know that it is too late for that now. I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am for all the pain I caused you. Merry Christmas Dave!! I hope you get everything you wish for, because you truly deserve all the happiness in the world,” Lars apologised one last time, standing up on his tiptoes and placing a soft kiss on Dave’s cheek.
As Lars turned around to walk away from him and return to the party inside, Dave saw him wipe his eyes where even more tears had begun to fall down his face. His eyeliner was now running down his cheeks leaving behind delicate trails of black ink and his makeup had blurred into messy shadows around his eyes, somehow making the tiny drummer look even more alluring to Dave.
“Fucking stupid heart,” Dave cursed, causing Lars to turn back around to face him again.
“Dave?” Lars asked in a small voice that sounded nothing like his usual confident one.
Dave couldn’t do it; he couldn’t let Lars leave like this again. They had already made to many mistakes when they were young and immature, and he wouldn’t let the past repeat itself. Now they were both older and wiser, it was time that they tried to move on from everything that had happened. This may be the only way for his heart to have any chance of mending completely and finally be open to finding his true love that he had been searching for all this time.
“I forgive you,” Dave said, accepting Lars heartfelt apology.
“What did you just say?” Lars asked, not quite believing what he had heard.
“I said that I forgive you,” Dave repeated.
“You do, really?” Lars eyes widened in surprise.
“Yes, I do. I guess we can class this as one of David’s Christmas Miracles that he always talks about,” Dave replied, nodding his head in confirmation.
Lars ran toward Dave, almost knocking over the taller man over as he wrapped his tiny arms around him in a fierce embrace. Lars latched onto Dave like he was afraid that he would disappear if he let go.
“Princess, what are you doing?” Dave gasped in shock.
“What do you think I am doing? I’m hugging you!! Would you just shut up and accept it, instead of being a grumpy old man,” Lars retorted, burying his face against Dave’s chest. Hot tears soaked the fabric of Dave’s shirt as Lars clung to him desperately, too fearful to let go in case Dave suddenly changed his mind about forgiving him.
“I wouldn’t be a grumpy old man, if you stopped slobbering all over me. You are so gross and disgusting sometimes,” Dave complained, but wrapped his arms tightly around Lars’ waist anyway. He couldn’t resist the urge any longer, it felt so right having Lars back in his arms. Dave knew the walls that he had built around his heart were tumbling fast and he wasn’t sure if he could stop them from breaking completely.
“I can’t help feeling emotional. I never thought this day would happen, so of course I’m a little bit teary over it all. I only had two wishes for Christmas every year since I left you, and you accepting my apology was one of them,” Lars admitted.
“What was your second wish after me accepting your apology?” Dave asked curiously, as his hand started tracing circles around Lars’ back.
Dave knew he was in dangerous territory now, his resistance becoming weaker the longer he held Lars in his arms. Lars body tensed as soon as he heard Dave’s question. He tried to wiggle away from Dave, but the other man was too quick, already one step ahead of him. Dave knew instantly that Lars was trying to run away from him again, too scared to tell Dave what he really wanted to say. This time Dave wasn’t letting him go that easy, not when Lars still hadn’t told him everything he wanted to know. He grabbed hold of Lars and held him tighter in his arms, leaving him with no room for escape.
“I can’t tell you that, because it is never going to come true and it is a silly wish anyway. You will laugh at me and think that I’m stupid,” Lars whispered so softly that Dave barely heard him.
“Lars, it can’t be that bad. What if I promise not to tease you about whatever it is?” Dave reassured the smaller man.
Lars took a deep breath before opening up completely to Dave about the wish he wanted granted most of all, “My other wish was for us to get back together. For us to become a couple again, even if I know that will never happen. I’ve dreamed about you every day since I left you behind and my biggest regret in life is losing you. I have never stopped loving you, even if it was from a distance. I don’t think I will ever stop loving you, Dave.”
Dave didn’t respond instantly as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that Lars not only missed him and but still loved him. Dave had a decision to make that was about to change both of their lives forever. He could hold onto the bitterness and anger from their past, never moving on completely or he could give Lars a second chance. He could use this moment to rekindle the flame inside him which had never burnt out completely. They were both older, wiser and more mature now, both learning from the mistakes of their past. Maybe it was time to stop looking backward and start looking forward to the future.
“Don’t worry, I know it’s just a stupid fantasy of mine. I know you could never love me again, not after the way I hurt you so deeply,” Lars added quickly, as he tried to squirm back out of Dave’s arms and put some distance between them. All he wanted to do was go back inside the bar and drink his sorrows away. He had left things too late and the best he could hope for now, was Dave becoming his friend again. If friendship was all that Dave was willing to offer him then he would happily accept it and continue loving him from a distance.
“Princess, ask me what my Christmas wish is,” Dave ordered, refusing to let go of the drummer. If he let go of Lars now, neither of them would have the courage to try and rekindle their romance ever again. Now was the perfect time for them to start anew and Dave wasn’t going to let Lars slip away from him that easily again.
“What do you want for Christmas, Dave?” Lars glanced up at Dave, eyes sparkling with the slightest hint of hope.
“You in my arms, back where you have always belonged,” Dave declared, his hand curving around Lars neck drawing him closer until their mouths met in an earth-shattering kiss that left them both breathless and wanting more. Time seemed to stand still, as all the pent-up emotions from the two men came pouring out. It was a kiss filled with longing and regret, part apology, part hunger and need. No words were spoken, but both men knew exactly what the other was trying to say; I’m sorry, I need you, I shouldn’t have ever let you go, I can’t live without you in my life, Come back to me.
Dave broke the kiss suddenly as he shifted their bodies around, pinning Lars roughly against the outside brick wall of the bar. He braced one hand above Lars head as the other hand slid down to rest on his waist. He was completely overwhelmed with lust and desire, wanting nothing more than to take Lars back to his house and spend the rest of the night making up for all their time apart.
“I’ve missed you, Princess,” Dave whispered, unable to tear his eyes away from the mischievous tiny drummer that looked like pure temptation in human form.
“I’ve missed you too, Dave.” Lars replied, flashing Dave a wide grin.
“As tempting as it is to fuck you right here, I want to take my time with you tonight. Why don’t we take this back to my place?” Dave asked as he nibbled on Lars’ earlobe.
“I think that would be the best Christmas gift ever,” Lars answered, still not believing that all his Christmas wishes were coming true.
As the reunited couple disappeared from the party to celebrate their Christmas miracle, they didn’t see the two hidden figures who had been secretly watching them through a window from inside the bar.
“I can’t believe that it actually worked,” Kirk turned to David looking at him with surprise.
“Told you that it would,” David replied, with lopsided grin.
“I knew you weren’t just a pretty face,” Kirk complimented David, as he adjusted the bassists Christmas hat so he could see David’s eyes properly again.
“Shush, we still can’t let anyone overhear us. Not until I’ve had the chance to talk to Dave about us,” David chastised Kirk.
“How do you think he will take the news?” Kirk asked, still not sure if it was a good idea revealing their relationship to Dave.
“He is still going to be pissed off about it, but he can’t exactly say anything now that he is back together with Lars. Why do you think I agreed to help Lars in the first place? I knew it was the only way that we could be together, without me having to choose between you and Dave,” David answered.
“So, we are getting our own Christmas miracle too?” Kirk looked at David hopefully.
“Yes, we are. No more hiding in the shadows, no more secrets, no more trying to keep our love for each other hidden from everyone else,” David confirmed.
“Well, I think we should celebrate our own Christmas miracle then. Meet me back at my place in 30 mins?” Kirk asked, with a gleam of mischief in his eyes.
“What are you up to?” David asked suspiciously, knowing that Kirk could be just as bad as Lars when it came to seeking out mischief.
“Nothing, I swear,” Kirk replied but his giggling gave him away.
“Kirk…”
“Okay, you got me. I have a Santa Suit at home that I want you to wear for me. I want my own personal visit from Santa on Christmas Eve this year, I’ll leave my door unlocked and the suit on the kitchen table. I’ll be ready and waiting for you under my Christmas tree,” Kirk whispered cheekily, before running out of the bar leaving behind a completely bemused David.