Archive of Our Own

Taesan opened his eyes, but instinctively shut them again at the bright, harsh white light.

At first he was disoriented—he remembered being in his own room, and now he definitely wasn't.

The smell of disinfectant filled his nostrils, and he blinked slowly, trying to adjust to the light.

He was in the hospital, again.

Once his eyes got used to the familiar lighting of the hospital room, he turned his head slowly, which caused a sudden movement beside him.

His mother’s worried face filled his field of vision; he was secretly grateful she was shielding him from that annoying light.

“Hey!” she said—more of a sigh than a word. Her expression looked a little more relieved than before.

“How are you? How do you feel?”

Taesan looked at her for a few seconds with tired eyes, visible dark circles, and paler skin before nodding, indicating he was okay—or as okay as he could be in that situation.

“Here, drink some water, your throat must be dry.”

She said with a tired smile, handing him a bottle.

Taesan was grateful; every time this happened his throat dried out and he couldn’t speak properly.

“Thanks." he managed, voice hoarse, after taking a sip.

The bedroom door opened and a doctor with a very familiar face to Taesan appeared, cutting off whatever conversation his mother had been about to begin.

The doctor greeted them and gave the same old lecture: his body wasn't producing enough red blood cells—he already knew that—so he suffered from severe anemia—he already knew that too—and therefore had been sleeping for about six hours after regaining consciousness from that episode of decompensation.

He had been in his room organizing his vinyl collection when everything suddenly started to spin.

He tried to grab the nearby desk but couldn’t, and his body gave way.

His mother, who'd heard a loud noise from his room, ran in and found him on the floor with a small nosebleed.

She acted quickly—she always did—calling an ambulance and tending to the basics until help arrived, though she was no less frightened.

That was how they ended up in this situation again, not for the first time, and it seemed like there might never be a last time.

After the usual doctor’s talk with his mother—one he no longer paid attention to—the doctor said goodbye and left them alone.

“You’ll be under observation for a few days—at least five."

He said with a sigh.

“They’ll run some tests and see how you’re doing. There wasn’t any heavy bleeding, so you don’t need a transfusion.”

He already knew that; it was the same as always.

He said nothing and just nodded.

An awkward silence settled over the room until his mother’s phone began to vibrate.

“It’s from work, I have to answer it, okay? I’ll be right back.”

She smoothed his hair and stepped into the hallway while taking the call.

In his daze—having slept so long and with barely any energy—he hadn’t noticed the hushed conversation taking place on the other side of the room, separated only by a curtain.

He wanted to rest; despite having slept six hours and a nap before fainting, he felt he barely had the energy to breathe.

He closed his eyes, drifting toward sleep, when suppressed laughter—trying and failing to stay quiet—snapped him back to reality.

He didn’t usually share a room at the hospital, and when he did, people weren’t this loud, so he was puzzled.

Giving up on the idea of sleeping a little longer, he tried to sit up in the uncomfortable bed and reach for the water bottle his mother had left, but he misjudged and accidentally knocked it over, cursing softly.

He thought he’d have to wait for his mother to finish her call to hand it back when the curtain separating him from the other patient suddenly opened, revealing a tall, blond, very pretty boy standing on the other side.

“Hey, I think you dropped this."

The boy said with a smile, handing him the bottle.

“Thanks.” Taesan said, trying to keep his voice from sounding too hoarse, making a face when he failed.

The other boy just smiled.

"Need anything else?”

Taesan shook his head as he took another sip.

Just as the other boy was about to close the curtain, Taesan—his voice less rough now thanks to the water—said: “Just… could you please not be so loud?”

The other boy flushed, eyes wide and guilty, and nodded.

“Y-yeah… oh my God, I’m so sorry. We’re really sorry."

He stammered, turning to look at the other boy Taesan hadn’t bothered to look at before, seated on the cot.

The other boy nodded vigorously and immediately regretted it, making a pained sound.

He smiled apologetically again and closed the curtain.

Taesan could hear their now much quieter conversation: “Jaehyun, I told you not to be so loud. And don’t move your head like that, does it hurt a lot?”

He could hear the boy’s voice soften as he asked.

The sound of his mother re-entering the room cut their conversation short.

“I’m sorry, son. I have to go to work; I can’t miss another day.”

Her expression was pure guilt.

Taesan understood and didn’t blame her—he was twenty-one, an adult; she didn’t need to be there all the time.

She continued, “But don’t worry, I called Leehan and he said he’d come by for a while.”

A small smile formed on her face.

Leehan had been his friend for life—almost a brother—so his mother felt relieved knowing he’d have company.

Taesan wanted to insist he was fine, that he could manage, but he lacked the energy to argue, so he simply nodded and soon fell into Morpheus’s arms.

When Taesan woke a few hours later, the room was softly lit.

He turned his head and found Leehan sitting in the visitor’s chair.

“Finally awake."

Leehan said with a teasing smile; if he’d been worried, he didn’t show it.

“What time is it?”

Taesan asked, still drowsy.

“It’s almost 7:30. Feeling okay? Want something to drink?”

Taesan shook his head, shifted on the bed, and tried to sit up.

His whole body ached; it was a familiar symptom, but every time he was on that same bed it seemed worse.

Leehan watched him get comfortable without interfering—he’d learned it was best to let him do what he needed unless he asked for help.

It was dinnertime, and Leehan stayed until Taesan had eaten, rambling about university life and a group project that was driving him nuts.

Taesan smiled and nodded; he wasn’t very talkative, but these episodes made him withdraw even more.

When Leehan said goodbye, the room fell quiet for a while.

Leehan had told him his mother would be back in the morning; she was working a double shift.

He reached for his phone but it was dead and he didn’t have the charger, so he had nothing and no one to distract him—maybe he could rest a bit more.

He felt exhausted but couldn’t fall asleep.

He’d forgotten he was sharing the room until he heard a phone ring; overhearing one side of the conversation was unavoidable.

“Hey, Woonhak—” The voice that had been loud earlier was now soft and sweet.

The boy let out a small laugh, not a mocking one.

“Why are you crying?… I’m okay, I promise… I’ll be here a few days… yes, you can come visit me or call whenever you want… okay, rest. I love you a lot, okay? Take care.”

Then a loud: “You need to take care of yourself, hyung!!!” blasted through the speaker, making Taesan let out an involuntary chuckle.

The call ended and the curtain opened.

“Hi! Sorry if I was too loud… again."

The boy said, a little embarrassed. Taesan—suddenly wanting to talk—answered with a small smile.

“It’s fine, you weren’t loud this time, and anyway I can’t sleep.”

He made a little face.

There was an awkward silence—Taesan was never great talking to people outside his family or Leehan.

Luckily, the other boy broke the silence.

“By the way, I’m Jaehyun. What’s your name?”

Now that Taesan heard his name, he remembered.

“I’m Taesan.”

Jaehyun nodded; the smile never left his face. “Taesan…” he murmured, testing the name.

“And why are you here?”

He immediately regretted the question, panic replacing the smile. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to say— I tend to talk before I think…”

Taesan interrupted.

“It’s okay. It’s nothing… just severe anemia. And you? Why are you here, if you don’t mind answering?”

Jaehyun smiled.

“I’m the captain of my university soccer team. During practice I got hit hard in the head with the ball, and when I fell I hit my head on the ground too.”

He pouted as he talked.

“I lost consciousness for a bit, and when I woke up I was vomiting and my head was bleeding.”

He pointed to the bandage around his forehead—Taesan hadn’t noticed it until now.

“My friend Sungho called an ambulance, and well… here I am. There were a lot of people and not enough rooms, but they needed to keep me under observation so they brought me here. Maybe they’ll discharge me in a couple of days…”

Taesan simply nodded, ignoring the hint as to which side of the room he was on.

They talked a little more.

Jaehyun told him the one who had called earlier was his younger brother, Woonhak, who had moved out to attend university and was therefore really worried.

Taesan mostly nodded, telling Jaehyun about Leehan—who studied music production (he hadn’t been attending classes much lately, he didn’t mention that)—and about his vinyl collection.

Jaehyun seemed genuinely interested in everything Taesan said, listening with bright eyes.

At one point there was another silence, but this time it wasn’t awkward at all.

Surprisingly, Taesan broke it.

“Thanks for talking to me." 

He said with a tired smile and a yawn.

“Sorry, but I think I’ll sleep now. See you tomorrow.”

Without realizing it, Taesan fell asleep with a smile.

“Yeah—sleep well, Taesan.”

When he woke the next morning, the soft sunlight was filtering through the curtains.

His mother was texting on her phone, unaware he’d woken.

On the other side of the room he could hear muffled laughter and a woman’s voice telling them to be quiet; Taesan smiled a little.

He stirred and his mother lifted her head.

“Hey, good morning.” Hhe said happily.

“How did you sleep? Leehan called last night; he said he wanted to stay a bit longer but he has early classes and then work today—he might come by later.”

Taesan nodded.

“Mm. It’s okay, I slept fine. I feel better today, though my whole body hurts.”

As he tried to sit up and his mother propped his pillows, he heard Jaehyun’s voice: “Hey Woonhak, pull the curtain.”

“Why, hyung?” a voice Taesan didn’t recognize said.

“Just do it!”

The curtain opened.

Jaehyun sat cross-legged on the bed, a younger boy at the foot of the cot, and a woman in the armchair.

Jaehyun looked radiant, even brighter than the night before.

“Taesan, hi! How was your night? These beds are uncomfortable; I want to go home.”

He pouted.

Taesan smiled.

“I come here often, so I’m kind of used to it.”

Jaehyun introduced the people with him.

“This is my mom,” he said, nodding to the woman; Taesan smiled and waved.

“And this is my little brother, Woonhak.”

Woonhak seemed even brighter than Jaehyun—since the curtain opened he hadn’t stopped smiling.

He glanced between Taesan and Jaehyun, his smile turning mischievous.

“Oh, nice to meet you, Taesan. Since we arrived Jaehyun hasn’t stopped talking about you—”

“Ouch! Why did you do that, hyung?”

Woonhak rubbed his leg, pouting.

Jaehyun blushed and looked flustered.

Adorable, Taesan thought.

His mother, who hadn’t spoken, looked a little confused.

“Oh, this is my mother."

He said, turning to Jaehyun.

“And he”—he corrected, addressing the woman—“is Jaehyun. We talked a bit last night after Leehan left.”

His mother was pleased.

“Oh, that’s great! I’m glad you had company, son. And you… Jaehyun, right?”

Jaehyun nodded.

“What happened to you?”

He asked, pointing to his head.

Taesan nudged him; it was rude to ask, but his mother didn’t mind.

Jaehyun smiled.

“It’s nothing, I hit my head pretty hard and needed observation. The hospital was full, so they put me here.”

He shrugged; she winced as if she could feel the blow.

“Oh, that must have hurt a lot… well, Taesan is here because—”

Before she could finish, Taesan interrupted.

“Anemia. Severe anemia. It happens often, so… yeah.”

His mother looked confused but said nothing.

They chatted a little more.

Breakfast was served, and by noon Taesan’s mother had to go to work.

“Honey, I have to go. Are you sure you’re okay? I can take the day off if you want.”

He shook his head.

“I’m fine, Mom. Go ahead.”

He said, smiling tiredly—better than the day before but still exhausted.

“Oh, before I forget.”

She rummaged in her bag.

“Here’s your phone charger—Leehan told me to bring it last night. He’ll try to come by today too. Anyway, I feel calmer knowing you have good company.”

She nodded at the bed next to his.

“Call me if anything happens, okay? Or tell Leehan and he’ll tell me.”

Taesan nodded; his mother kissed his head.

“See you later.”

She said goodbye to Jaehyun’s family too and left.

After a while lunch was served.

Woonhak and his mother had gone to buy something at the hospital café; since they didn’t live nearby they couldn’t afford to go back and forth, so they stayed as long as possible.

A comfortable silence settled—only the quiet clink of cutlery and the small TV playing on low.

“I’m getting discharged tomorrow."

Jaehyun said.

“I was supposed to leave today but last night I had a bad headache and the nurses gave me painkillers. They want to see how I do overnight.”

For some reason that made Taesan a little sad—it was the first time he’d shared a room with someone so cool.

“I didn’t hear anything last night. Sorry.”

He admitted, embarrassed he'd slept so soundly.

Jaehyun laughed.

“Oh no, don’t worry. I just wanted to tell you. I guess you’ll be here a few more days.”

Taesan nodded.

Another silence fell until nurses cleared the trays.

Right behind them came Jaehyun’s mother and his ever-smiling brother.

“Jaehyun, I have to go now. Work later, so I can’t stay long. Woonhak, say bye to your brother and let’s go.”

Woonhak pouted—he didn’t want to leave.

“Nooo, I want to stay with hyung. I’ll stay at Sungho hyung’s until he’s discharged.”

His mother rolled her eyes; Taesan watched amused.

“You can’t decide for him, Woonhak.”

Woonhak settled on the bed next to his brother and hugged him fiercely.

“But I already asked and he said I could stay. Plus tomorrow’s Saturday so I won’t miss school. Please?”

He made his best puppy face.

His mother looked at Jaehyun, asking silently if he could handle it.

He nodded resignedly but was clearly happy to have more time with his little brother.

“Okay, but I’ll pick you up Sunday afternoon. No tantrums.”

Woonhak’s face lit up and he nodded enthusiastically.

She said goodbye and left.

Taesan tried to sit up with his legs over the edge to reach his phone charger but a wave of dizziness nearly made him fall.

Woonhak, quick reflexes, grabbed his arm and steadied him.

“Hey, you okay? Want me to plug it in for you?”

Taesan only managed a nod.

“Thanks.”

That was all he could say.

“Yeah, it’s nothing.”

Woonhak smiled but there was concern in his eyes.

“Want me to help you stand? Maybe the bathroom or a little walk? These beds are awful and you haven’t gotten up once.”

He tried to joke; Taesan appreciated it.

His whole body hurt; even if he felt better than the day before, he still felt terrible.

Jaehyun watched the exchange worriedly.

Taesan accepted the help and walked around the room, holding Woonhak’s arm until he could move unaided.

He thanked him and sat back down, less stiff this time.

Conversation flowed easily.

Jaehyun and Woonhak were sociable and always tried to include Taesan.

Taesan learned Woonhak was seventeen and Jaehyun twenty-two; when he said he was twenty-one, Woonhak was surprised.

“I thought you were my age! Can I call you Taesan-hyung?”

Taesan nodded, smiling.

After snack time the door opened again and a handsome blond boy Taesan had seen yesterday appeared.

“Sungho hyung!”

Woonhak hugged him.

“Hey Woonhakie, long time no see—how’ve you been?”

Woonhak was delighted.

“Very well, hyung. Thanks for letting me stay at your place while Jaehyun’s here.”

Sungho shook his head with a smile and walked to the bed where his friend lay with Woonhak clinging to his side.

Taesan didn’t feel uncomfortable, just a little out of place.

Sungho’s expression softened seeing Jaehyun.

“Hello” He said softly, almost intimately. Jaehyun smiled but didn’t answer.

“You look much better than yesterday.”

Jaehyun replied. “Do you think so? Last night I had to call the nurses; I thought I was going to die from the pain.”

Sungho muttered under his breath.

"You’re dramatic, Jaehyun"

But laughed with him.

“They’ll discharge me tomorrow morning so I can get out of this dump.”

Sungho laughed at the outburst and they stared at each other like they were communicating telepathically.

Woonhak broke the bubble with exaggerated sigh.

“Okay, okay—stop being like that, it’s awkward!”

He said in a squeaky voice, moving away from Sungho.

Jaehyun and Sungho laughed.

“Taesan hyung, can I sit with you on your bed?”

Taesan was taken aback by Woonhak’s familiar tone but didn’t mind.

“Of course. Come sit.” he patted the spot.

Sungho noticed Taesan for the first time.

He put his hands to his mouth, embarrassed.

“Oh God, sorry—I didn’t realize you were there.”

Taesan waved him off.

Jaehyun teased.

"Hey Yeppi, treat him well; from now on Taesan is one of us.”

Woonhak, full of energy, was the most excited.

Two days had passed but it felt like forever in a good way.

Jaehyun’s personality charmed him and Woonhak made him feel welcome, pulling him into conversations, explaining inside jokes, telling anecdotes.

As the sun set, Sungho said: “It’s getting late, we should go—right Woonhak?”

Woonhak nodded, focused on chips Sungho had bought him.

“We’ll come pick you up when you get discharged, okay?”

Jaehyun mumbled. “Yeah, thanks.”

Sungho took Woonhak by the arm and led him out.

“Bye Jaehyun, bye Taesan. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye hyungs!” Woonhak shouted with his mouth full.

They laughed.

With nothing else to do, Jaehyun grabbed the remote and turned up the volume to a quiz show.

Taesan’s phone rang on the nightstand; he reached for it.

His limbs still ached but the little walk with Woonhak had helped.

He unlocked it and found a voicemail from Leehan.

He pressed play and held the speaker to his ear.

“Hey Taesan, sorry man, I can’t make it today. I have to cover a shift at the café because some idiot got sick and they’re short-staffed. I’m really sorry, I wanted to come…”

Taesan heard unintelligible background noise and ended-up words: “Riwoo hyung sends his regards and hopes you get discharged soon. I’ll come tomorrow, I promise.”

The audio ended.

Taesan sighed and typed back "It’s okay, don’t worry."

He’d expected Leehan but wasn’t upset.

Jaehyun noticed his sigh and asked. “I don’t mean to pry, but are you okay?”

Taesan didn’t mind the question.

“It’s just Leehan. He can’t make it today—I’m not bothered, but I kind of hoped he’d be here.”

Jaehyun nodded, unsure what else to say.

A few minutes later Taesan remembered a fragment of a conversation Jaehyun had with his friend.

“Hey Yeppi, you better treat him well…” “…Yeppi—”

—“Can I ask you something?”

—“You already did." Jaehyun joked.

Taesan laughed then asked anyway.

“Earlier, when you told Sungho I treat him well… did I hear it wrong or did you call him Yeppi?”

Jaehyun burst out laughing.

Taesan looked bewildered; Jaehyun laughed harder.

His loud laughter made Taesan laugh too, even though he hadn’t understood the joke.

Catching his breath after laughing, Jaehyun spoke.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I called him that. He doesn’t mind, but he’s embarrassed when I use that nickname in public. Sungho is my best friend. I might have other friends, acquaintances even, but he’s special. I’ve known him forever; without him I wouldn’t have done so much—like moving provinces for school so we could study together.”

His expression softened into a small smile.

“I gave him that nickname in middle school. All the girls liked him so much—and once it just slipped out. He looked at me like I had three heads; it was hilarious. He blushed so hard I thought he’d suffocate.”

He chuckled.

“It just stuck. Besides, have you seen his face? He’s so handsome.”

Taesan didn’t deny it.

“When I first saw him yesterday that was the first thing I thought—he’s too handsome.”

They talked more until they ran out of things. After dinner they lay on their sides, trying to look at each other with the lights off and only the TV’s glow.

Taesan felt sleep take him; with what little energy remained he whispered, “Goodnight.”

The next morning he woke to footsteps. Opening his eyes he found Jaehyun in the armchair by his bed, propped on blankets, head on his crossed arms.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

Jaehyun no longer had his head bandage; there were three stitches on his forehead.

His smile and playful eyes were still there.

Taesan was startled by the closeness but hid it.

“Good morning, Jae.”

Jaehyun’s smile grew at the nickname but Taesan didn’t seem to notice.

Sitting up, Taesan rubbed his eyes.

He looked around and saw why the room had been so lively.

Woonhak looked up from his phone and grinned.

“Taesan hyung, you’re awake!”

He rushed over and hugged Taesan. Initially uncertain, Taesan returned the hug, gentle rather than the tight embraces he’d seen from Sungho or Jaehyun.

“Okay, okay—give him some space, he just woke up.”

Jaehyun said, patting his brother. Woonhak pulled away pouting; Taesan stroked his hair.

“Oh, Taesan! Good morning, sorry about the noise again.”

Sungho peeked from behind Jaehyun, apologetic.

Taesan smiled.

“You know…”

Woonhak began.

“Jaehyun had his stuff ready an hour and a half ago; he was just waiting for you to wake to say goodbye.”

He teased and Jaehyun blushed bright red.

Sungho intervened: “Hey Woonhakie, leave him be—come with me to buy something.”

Woonhak protested but Sungho dragged him out and closed the door.

Alone, Jaehyun seemed awkward.

“Sorry about that." he stammered.

“I wanted to say goodbye before I left.”

Taesan was about to speak when Jaehyun blurted.

“Also… could I have your number?”

The request tumbled out, his voice higher at the end—Jaehyun didn’t care if he looked foolish.

Taesan was so surprised he stared.

Jaehyun panicked, thinking he’d overstepped, and started apologizing.

He didn’t notice the soft blush on Taesan’s cheeks or how his eyes shone.

Taesan moved closer, cupped Jaehyun’s face with both hands.

Jaehyun fell quiet.

“Did you know you talk a lot?” Taesan laughed. “Yes, Jaehyun. I’ll give you my number."

Jaehyun visibly relaxed.

Taesan handed him his phone and let him type the number; they exchanged phones.

Sungho came back with Woonhak trailing.

“Hey Jaehyun, sorry to break it up but nurses need the room for another patient—please go.”

Jaehyun complained but left; he had what mattered most now.

Woonhak and Sungho said goodbye and left.

Jaehyun hung back, leaned down, and kissed Taesan’s cheek—gentle and tender.

“I’ll text you every day so you won’t miss me."

He winked and left without waiting for an answer.

Taesan lay back, stared at the ceiling, and squealed into his pillow like a lovesick teenager.

He’d never felt like that in his twenty-one years.

That afternoon, while a nurse gave him a snack and Leehan ranted nearby, a doctor returned with test results.

They hadn’t come back perfectly clear, but with the IV he’d been on for three days, he was feeling better—still tired and sore, but improved.

The doctor said if he passed the night without bleeding or dizziness he could go home in the morning.

Taesan breathed a sigh of relief; Leehan was happy.

The first thing Leehan did after the doctor left was tell Taesan’s mother, who said she’d be there in the morning to take him home.

As promised, Jaehyun sent the first message that afternoon after the snack while Leehan continued ranting about their unfinished group project.

Noticing Taesan wasn’t paying attention Jaehyun leaned over to see his phone. Taesan blocked him.

“What are you hiding?”

Leehan laughed.

Taesan blushed. “Nothing… just… remember the guy from the other side of the room?”

Leehan nodded.

“Well… I think he likes me.”

Leehan’s eyes widened.

Taesan didn’t want questions, so he rushed on.

“We talked a lot these three days. He was really kind and sweet—kept asking how I felt and sometimes sent his brother or a friend to buy snacks or water even though my mom or you left some on the table.”

Leehan had never seen Taesan so animated, a smile plastered across his face.

“He waited for me to wake up to say goodbye and ask for my number."

"He said I wouldn’t miss him because he’d message me all day, every day—and he’s done it since he left. Maybe it was only three days, but I think I like him a little too.”

Leehan was stunned. Taesan, usually quiet, had rambled for minutes about a boy he liked.

“Stop looking at me like that, Leehan! I don’t know what to do.”

Leehan pushed aside his shock.

“Just go with the flow. Don’t overthink it, but don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

Taesan nodded, they talked more and he showed Leehan the messages.

It was almost nine when Leehan said he had to go but promised to come back in the morning with his mother to take Taesan home.

Taesan was about to fall asleep when his phone lit up: a message from Jaehyun—goodnight and an absurd number of heart emojis.

Taesan slept with a warm, comforting feeling.

The ride home the next day was quicker than expected.

As promised, Leehan was there to help him carry things and tidy his scattered vinyls.

When Leehan left to cover his shift, Taesan felt the urge to call Jaehyun, so he tried.

No answer—he assumed Jaehyun was busy.

He went into the backyard for fresh air, tired of being cooped up.

Lying on a blanket, his phone rang.

He didn’t need to see the caller ID—he knew who it’d be: the only person besides his mother who called him.

Hands trembling with excitement, he propped himself up, ignoring the dizziness, and answered quickly.

A soft, honeyed voice came through.

He couldn’t see him, but he could tell Jaehyun was smiling.

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty. Sorry I didn’t answer—my team threw a lunch to celebrate my discharge, it was loud and I didn’t hear the phone.”

The background noise continued so Taesan assumed Jaehyun was still there.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you… we can talk later—”

Jaehyun cut him off.

“Don’t say that. You’re not bothering me at all. Actually… I was getting a little bored and thinking about you.”

Taesan bit his lower lip to suppress a laugh.

“By the way, did something happen? You called earlier…”

Jaehyun sounded worried but didn’t let Taesan answer, continuing.

“I was thinking I could visit the hospital later; Woonhak is with us.”

Taesan felt a warm glow he’d become used to over the last four days.

“It’s not necessary. I got discharged a few hours ago—I didn’t tell you earlier because it wasn’t safe, but I’m home now.”

Before Jaehyun could speak, Taesan added, “I called earlier because… I just wanted to hear from you. I miss you… a bit.”

He trailed off with an awkward laugh, hoping he hadn’t said anything wrong.

Silence stretched and Taesan started to worry—then Woonhak’s unmistakable voice came through:

“Hey hyung, why are you standing there like that with that dumb face?”

There were muffled noises and then, “Oh? It’s Taesan hyung! Hi hyung, how are you? I think Jaehyun hyung froze or something, he’s all red.”

A tangle of noises followed.

“Sorry about that—yeah, I miss you too, Taesan.”

Jaehyun’s voice softened further.

Taesan blushed hard.

They sat in a comfortable silence until Jaehyun said, “Tomorrow is Woonhak’s last day before he goes home, so we’re having lunch. Want to come? Sungho will be there too.”

Taesan felt flattered but didn’t want to intrude; he was about to decline when Jaehyun scolded him.

“Don’t say you don’t want to intrude. I want you there. Woonhak’ll be thrilled—Sungho won’t mind, I promise.”

Taesan laughed.

“How did you know?”

Jaehyun chuckled, shrugged, then realized Taesan couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

Taesan felt the same.

Again with the silly smiles, Jaehyun said goodbye.

“I have to go—they’re waiting for me. I’ll call or text later, okay?”

Taesan whispered, “Have fun.”

Neither wanted to hang up. After a few moments Jaehyun said,

“Bye, Taesan.”

Taesan licked his dry lips and whispered, “Bye, Jae."

Then hurriedly hung up, embarrassed for using the nickname.

He stayed outside longer, watching clouds, replaying the call.

His heart raced—this time from excitement rather than fear.

“Son, I have to go to work—if anything happens, call me or Leehan, okay?”

His mother’s voice interrupted as she peeked in. Taesan nodded and wished her luck.

The sunlight bothered him a bit, so he went in and showered.

If there was anything he missed more than his bed during hospital stays it was his own bathroom and the comfort of his shower.

His mother didn’t want him to shower while alone—he could faint there; it’d happened before.

He’d ended up with scrapes and needed stitches near his hairline from hitting the shower knob.

She said if it happened while she was there at least someone could help.

This time he felt fine and it would be quick. He picked out clothes and went in.

As he took off his shirt in front of the mirror a lump formed in his throat; it was normal with his diagnosis, but it didn’t make it less distressing.

The skin of his chest was paler and covered almost entirely with dark bruises; it hurt a bit, but he’d grown used to it.

He sighed, finished dressing, and stepped into the shower.

When he finished drying off, he lay on his bed and checked his phone.

He smiled at a selfie from Jaehyun and Woonhak making silly faces and replied with one of his own.

The typing bubble flickered on and off. After what felt like forever several messages arrived in a row: “Wow,” “You’re so cute,” “Like a kitten.”

They texted a bit more until the fatigue overwhelmed him and he fell asleep.

When he woke it was already night.

His mother had returned from work and was finishing dinner.

They ate while his mother talked about work and he talked about Jaehyun.

After dinner he told her about the lunch invitation.

“Tomorrow’s Woonhak’s last day—he has to go back to classes on Monday; he lives on the other side of the province. They invited me to lunch.”

His mother was delighted.

It had been a long time since he’d had friends besides Leehan (sometimes Riwoo), so she was happy.

“You don’t have to ask for permission to go out if that’s what you want. You’re an adult—just be careful, okay? If anything happens you know…”

Her voice trailed.

Taesan answered, “I’ll tell you or Leehan if anything happens. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it… thanks.”

She hugged him and—taking advantage of his seated height since he was taller—kissed the top of his head.

Taesan woke the next morning buzzing with anticipation.

He hoped he wouldn’t ruin the outing, but Jaehyun had said it was fine, so he tried to focus on that alone.

Jaehyun had insisted he pick him up so he wouldn’t have to move much, and now he sat on the doorstep steps waiting.

The sound of a car horn made him look up to see Jaehyun getting out of the driver’s side and Woonhak from the passenger side.

Taesan stood and Woonhak ran over with an enthusiastic “Taesan hyung!”

Jaehyun leaned against the passenger door waiting for Woonhak to finish hugging him and get back in.

When Woonhak decided he’d hugged enough, he grabbed Taesan’s wrist and guided him toward the car.

Woonhak was about to climb into the back when Taesan stopped him.

“Hey—you were supposed to sit up front.”

Woonhak shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Sungho hyung’s in the back and I want to tease him.”

He smiled and got in.

Jaehyun, who’d stayed quiet through the exchange, reached out and took Taesan’s hand.

“Hi” he said softly; Taesan answered in kind.

Taesan was slightly taller, so Jaehyun stood on his tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

He didn’t give Taesan a chance to react—he turned to open the car door, inviting him in.

After Jaehyun closed the door, Taesan looked back and waved at Sungho.

Jaehyun buckled up like everyone else and started driving to the restaurant.

The weather was mild—neither hot nor cold. Taesan rarely left the house wearing clothes that showed his arms and legs so he chose long jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt.

He realized a bit late that he might stand out—everyone else was in short sleeves and shorts—but tried not to overthink it.

When they arrived, the restaurant was a parrilla—nothing fancy.

They got out, went in, and sat at a table.

It was small and welcoming, not very crowded, with a familiar atmosphere.

Taesan sat with Woonhak across from Jaehyun, who had Sungho at his side.

They ordered and the food came out faster than Taesan expected.

Out of habit he rolled up his sleeves to cook the meat, but when he looked up to continue the conversation, he met three pairs of eyes fixed on his arms.

Realizing what they were staring at, Taesan dropped the chopsticks and the meat fell onto the grill; he quickly pulled his sleeves back down.

“I fell…” he whispered—knowing it wouldn’t be believable, not with the number of bruises covering both arms equally.

Jaehyun, sensing his discomfort, tried to joke: “Me too,” he said, pointing to his forehead where stitches still showed.

It helped a little, but Taesan didn’t roll his sleeves up again.

Through jokes, laughter, and random chatter, lunch passed.

Woonhak already had his things ready and his mother was on her way to pick him up, so they decided it was time to go back.

Sungho lived near Jaehyun so they would drop Taesan off first.

While saying goodbye to Sungho and Woonhak in the back seat, Jaehyun got out to open Taesan’s door and walk him to his front step.

“Thanks for inviting me—I had a really good time."

Taesan said as they stood at the door.

Jaehyun smiled and was about to lean down for a kiss like before, but Taesan immediately put his hand up, covering his face.

Jaehyun, confused, asked if everything was okay. Taesan nodded and apologized. When he lowered his hand, a thick red trickle ran down his nose and his fingers.

Jaehyun was startled—he thought of calling someone: Taesan’s mother or Leehan—but Taesan assured him it was fine and he knew how to handle it; it wasn’t serious.

Jaehyun insisted on helping like he always did.

Taesan let him in.

Jaehyun made him sit on the living room couch and followed Taesan’s instructions to get paper towels.

He helped clean his hands and face and waited until the bleeding stopped.

Once he was sure it had, he reluctantly stood to leave. It hadn’t been long—maybe ten minutes—but he had to take Woonhak home early.

Taesan walked him to the door.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I can call your mom or Leehan if you need—”

Taesan smiled despite his condition, his skin paler, dark circles more visible.

“I’m fine, really.”

Jaehyun wasn’t convinced but after a minute’s hesitation he nodded anyway.

He kissed Taesan’s cheek like he always planned and left.

A while later, the door flung open and a woman rushed in, worried and upset.

“Hey, son—are you okay? What happened? I came as fast as I could; Jaehyun called me and—”

Taesan stopped listening; he was stunned, a little dazed.

Jaehyun called her? His face had a little more color now and he felt considerably better, but he still hadn’t moved from the couch or changed clothes.

His mother kept talking and then stopped.

“Jaehyun called you?” He asked.

She nodded.

“Yes—he gave me his number when you guys shared a room so he could call if anything happened."

"Don’t look at me like that—I only gave it because I saw you two getting close. You should be grateful someone other than Leehan cares enough to tell me when something happens.”

Taesan said nothing, but his mother was right.

He hadn’t had many friends besides Leehan (and sometimes Riwoo); when he stopped going to university due to his health, people drifted away.

After making sure Taesan was actually okay, she stood to make dinner.

Taesan hadn’t realized the time. Had he fallen asleep? He didn’t remember—maybe he’d fainted? He wasn’t sure.

He picked up his phone, which for some reason had been on the floor; the lock screen showed unread messages from Jaehyun and Leehan.

He read Leehan’s first: “hey how was it today?” Taesan didn’t feel like typing, so he called him instead.

They talked a while—Taesan about his outing, Leehan about his exhausting café shift and the group project presentation coming up.

Taesan purposely left out the last part of his day—he didn’t want to worry Leehan and add more to his plate.

After dinner and the dishes, he said goodbye to his mother and went up to his room.

Lying in bed, he opened Jaehyun’s messages: “are you better?” “I know you said not to but I called your mom” “I’m sorry if I bothered you but I was worried” “are you mad?” “your mom called and said you were fine, I’m glad”

He read them over and over, not sure what to reply.

Minutes later the screen shifted from messages to an incoming call.

He let it ring a few times before picking up; he didn’t want to seem desperate.

The first thing he heard on the other end was a relieved sigh.

“Thank God… I saw the messages marked as read for a while and thought you wouldn’t answer. I’m sorry, okay? I know you trusted me and I did exactly what you told me not to and—”

Jaehyun was spiraling.

“Jaehyun”

Taesan cut him off before he could continue.

“I’m not mad, okay? If anything, I’m… grateful… that you worry about me. I’m sorry I made you think otherwise…”

His voice was barely a whisper.

“Oh… and I’m sorry if I’m just… a lot.”

Taesan laughed softly at that. Jaehyun laughed too, and the dense air between them—despite being over the phone—dissolved completely, replaced by the warm, gentle atmosphere that had surrounded them since the day they met.

Their days went on like that.

Taesan sometimes left the house to buy groceries or to meet with Leehan, or with Jaehyun and Sungho.

Now and then, they video-called Woonhak since they didn’t get to see him often.

Taesan hadn’t fainted again since that day—almost a month ago—but he still had occasional light bleeding episodes.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, no longer had stitches in his forehead and had gone back to playing soccer normally.

Sometimes Taesan went to watch his games, which delighted Jaehyun.

And that day was no different.

Jaehyun had invited him to an important match—against their rival university—and said he was more nervous than usual.

Taesan saw him before he entered the field and, for the first time, he took the initiative: he leaned in and gave him a “good luck kiss” on the cheek, like the ones Jaehyun always gave him.

And apparently it worked, because his team won 2–0, with one goal and one assist from Jaehyun.

Taesan was waiting for Jaehyun and Sungho outside, as always, when he saw them walking toward him, joking around.

The moment Jaehyun spotted him, his whole face lit up and he ran straight to him.

Carefully—mindful not to apply too much force—he pulled Taesan into a hug.

“Hey, did you see that goal? It was for you… and because of you, too. You gave me luck.”

Taesan could only return the hug, both arms wrapped around Jaehyun’s neck.

They were completely lost in their own little world.

Jaehyun’s hands slid down to Taesan’s waist, and Taesan was playing with the short hair at Jaehyun’s nape.

Jaehyun leaned closer until their noses touched; he was about to take things a step further when an exaggerated, obviously fake cough exploded beside them.

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?”

Sungho asked, not unkindly—but definitely without remorse.

They jumped apart immediately but said nothing, walking toward Jaehyun’s car as usual.

When they reached Taesan’s house, Jaehyun stepped out first, opened the door for him, waved goodbye to Sungho in the backseat, and walked him to the entrance.

He kissed Taesan’s cheek like he always did, but when he turned to head back to the car, Taesan grabbed his hand.

Jaehyun turned, confused.

“You can… pick up where you left off earlier, you know?”

He said with a slightly silly, slightly shy smile.

Jaehyun beamed, brighter than ever, and leaned in slowly—hands on Taesan’s waist, noses touching again.

They were nervous; Jaehyun had kissed people before, but he had never liked anyone as much as he liked Taesan.

And Taesan had only kissed Leehan once, by accident.

Jaehyun leaned forward until their lips met.

It was a simple, soft kiss—nothing more than the gentle press of warm lips against Taesan’s cold, trembling ones.

Jaehyun pulled back only to pepper Taesan’s face with kisses again, including his mouth. When he finally stopped, their faces remained close enough for their noses to still brush.

“I think we should go out more often, don’t you think?”

He whispered.

Taesan nodded.

“Mhmm. You should tell Sungho and—”

Jaehyun shook his head.

“I mean… just you and me… without Sungho or anyone else… like… dates.”

The realization hit Taesan.

“Oh… oh, yes—yeah, of course… yes.”

Jaehyun laughed softly and nuzzled their noses together sweetly.

“I should go. Sungho gets unbearable if he has to wait too long.”

Taesan nodded and let him go.

Jaehyun had already stepped down one stair when he came back up suddenly, cupped Taesan’s face, and kissed him again.

“The last one. For real this time.”

Then he headed to the car, where Sungho had already moved to the front seat.

Taesan went inside touching his lips with his fingertips, still unable to believe what had happened.

Jaehyun had been busy the following week, so they thought it’d be better to wait another week for their first date—no rushing, no stress.

They planned for Jaehyun to pick him up, as always, go to a new café near campus, and maybe watch a movie afterward.

Both of them were excited.

A few hours before picking him up, Jaehyun sent Taesan his usual good-morning message, but got no reply.

He kept trying throughout the afternoon—still nothing.

He tried calling, but Taesan didn’t answer.

A few minutes later, he received a call from Taesan’s mother.

“Hi, Jaehyun. I’m sorry I took so long to tell you, but Taesan had a rough night, so he’s at the hospital right now.”

Jaehyun felt the world tilt beneath him. He barely managed to stutter out a trembling, “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” she said “you can come if you want. But if you don’t feel well enough to drive, tell me and I’ll go pick you up, alright?”

He nodded—then realized she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah… I’m okay. I’ll go. I’ll see you there.”

He hung up.

He tried to calm down, tried to convince himself it was nothing, but it was impossible. When he reached the hospital, Taesan’s mother was waiting outside.

She hugged him and guided him to the room.

“I don’t know what happened. He’d been fine—almost two months without an episode like this. There were a few nosebleeds and new bruises, but… this…”

She fell silent until they reached the door.

This time, he didn’t have a roommate. Leehan was already there, leaning over the bed where Taesan slept.

The three of them sat in silence, waiting for him to wake up.

Taesan had never told Jaehyun what he had, but from the first day, Jaehyun had a suspicion—and now it was confirmed.

Taesan lay under the blanket up to his waist, the hospital gown leaving his arms exposed.

Bruises of different shades of green and purple covered his skin.

After a while, Taesan stirred awake.

His mother spoke first, explaining they had given him a transfusion and that he’d need to stay a few days.

Leehan followed, reassuring him that they would stay with him for as long as needed.

When it was Jaehyun’s turn, his mother and Leehan decided to give them space and stepped out.

Jaehyun wanted to cry, but held it in. With a quiet sigh, he approached.

“Hey… how’s my sleeping beauty feeling?”

He leaned down and pressed a small kiss to Taesan’s lips.

His skin was colder than usual, and he had never looked so pale.

Jaehyun tried to keep smiling for him—

—but suddenly Taesan covered his own face with both hands. Jaehyun froze, confused—until he heard the first choked sob.

“I’m sorry."

Taesan said, voice breaking behind his hands.

“I ruined our first date… and you made time for me… and I ruined everything—”

Jaehyun’s heart cracked.

He gently pulled Taesan’s hands away. His brows were furrowed in worry.

“Hey, look at me… please?”

Taesan opened his tear-filled eyes.

Jaehyun cupped his face and wiped the tears away.

“You didn’t ruin anything, do you hear me? None of this is your fault. You can’t control this. We can go on our date another time, okay?”

Taesan nodded, though not fully convinced. His tears had stopped, but he still sniffled softly.

Jaehyun smiled faintly.

“What matters is that you’re okay… Do you want to tell me what happened?”

His voice was a whisper. He was kneeling beside the bed, forehead resting against Taesan’s, one hand caressing his cheek.

Taesan explained how, the night before, after dinner, he felt heavier than usual. When he tried to stand, he collapsed to his knees.

The constant body-wide pain—usually manageable—became unbearable. His mother reacted immediately, calling an ambulance.

His nose wouldn’t stop bleeding, and the nausea he’d been trying to suppress finally overwhelmed him.

It was his first hematemesis, and he had never been more scared.

Jaehyun listened attentively, now sitting a little farther but still close, holding both of Taesan’s hands.

Taesan didn’t have the strength to say much more, and Jaehyun didn’t want to push him. He urged him to rest.

Jaehyun leaned in to leave soft kisses all over his face, including his lips.

When he pulled back, Taesan whispered: “Can you do that… nose thing you do? It’s cute.”

Jaehyun laughed and brushed their noses together in an eskimo kiss.

They stayed like that—kissing softly, sharing tender words—until Leehan and Taesan’s mother returned.

This time, the hospital stay was harder.

Taesan had no energy, and his whole body felt heavier and more painful than usual.

His mother missed shifts at work; Leehan skipped classes.

Jaehyun also stopped going to soccer practice, much to his coaches’ irritation—not that he cared.

A week later, Taesan was discharged.

He was a bit better—his skin still pale, but healthier.

He felt alright, even if his body still hurt, felt heavy, and remained covered in bruises.

He didn’t know what had triggered such a sudden decline; doctors said it was normal for this stage.

He wanted to go on his date with Jaehyun, but it was impossible.

He could barely walk around the house.

The fatigue, pain, and heaviness made it difficult to stand for long.

He wanted to live normally—he wanted to go out—but he didn’t feel safe.

He didn’t feel comfortable at home either. He didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that everyone was worried, and he wanted it to stop.

His mother didn’t want him alone, so she, Jaehyun, and Leehan took turns staying with him during the day.

They couldn’t go on dates, but when Jaehyun visited, they kissed a lot and cuddled on the sofa or on Taesan’s bed.

Sometimes they watched movies; sometimes they listened to Taesan’s vinyls; sometimes they video-called Woonhak.

That evening was no different.

They were curled up on Taesan’s bed, music playing softly from the record player.

Jaehyun checked the time—9 p.m. They had eaten early and Taesan’s mother was supposed to arrive any moment.

Taesan shifted, pressing a trail of soft kisses along Jaehyun’s neck.

“That tickles.” Jaehyun laughed.

Just as he was setting his phone aside, it buzzed.

It was Taesan’s mother.

“Jaehyun, I’m so sorry. I have to make up hours at work tonight. Can you stay over? If you can’t, let me know and I’ll figure something out.”

He replied immediately that it wasn’t a problem. It was Saturday tomorrow—no campus, no practice.

Jaehyun cupped Taesan’s face and kissed him.

“I’m staying over,” he said with a smile.

“Your mom messaged me—she can’t come tonight.”

Taesan’s expression shifted to something more playful.

“Then we should take advantage of that.”

He climbed onto Jaehyun’s lap, straddling his hips.

Jaehyun’s hands instinctively found his waist.

Taesan stroked his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him.

They had kissed before, of course—but never like this.

This kiss was hungry, emotional. Slowly, carefully, Jaehyun rolled them over, switching positions.

When they pulled apart, they held each other’s gaze.

As usual, Jaehyun spoke first. “I need you to tell me you really want this. I won’t force you into anything, and I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

His voice was barely a whisper.

Taesan’s eyes shone with anticipation.

“Yes… yes, I want this. More than anything.”

Jaehyun nodded and kissed him again—softer this time.

He left Taesan’s lips to trail kisses down to his neck.

“You know…” he murmured between kisses, “this is my first time…”

The words hit Taesan like a weight.

He wanted this—but guilt seeped in. Jaehyun noticed instantly; Taesan’s hands left his hair and flew to cover his own face.

When the first sob escaped him, Jaehyun panicked.

“Oh no, no, no—did I hurt you? Did I do something you didn’t want? Something you didn’t like?”

Taesan didn’t answer, and Jaehyun grew more frantic.

“Baby, please… talk to me.”

Taesan let out a strangled sob.

“I’m sorry… I ruined it again.”

Jaehyun tried to speak, but Taesan continued.

“I want this… but it feels wrong.”

Each word was broken by sobs.

“I’m dying… and it’s not fair to you.”

Jaehyun knew that.

He lay beside him and gently pulled Taesan into his arms.

“Listen to me, okay?” he whispered.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything. None of this is your fault. And it isn’t unfair. I’m with you because I choose to be… because I love you… and nothing will change that.”

His voice held nothing but sincerity. He had said I love you with such tenderness that Taesan felt even more guilty.

Taesan tried to calm down before speaking, his voice muffled against Jaehyun’s chest.

“I never told you what my condition was… I lied to you… twice. And I still let you fall in love with me… and I let myself fall for you. And you say it’s not unfair?”

Jaehyun adjusted their position so he could see his face.

He cupped Taesan’s cheek lovingly.

“I always knew, Taesan. From the first moment—when I walked into the oncology wing and saw you there—I knew. I never asked, never questioned your lies, because I thought maybe you weren’t ready to talk about it. And I didn’t care, either, because all I wanted was to be with you.”

Tears streamed down his face.

“And that’s all I want now.”

They held each other for a long moment. Jaehyun calmed himself quickly so Taesan wouldn’t feel worse.

He stroked his back soothingly until the sobs faded.

Taesan inhaled deeply—his usual sign that he was about to speak.

But before he could, Jaehyun kissed him softly.

“Don’t you dare apologize again.”

That made Taesan laugh.

“Actually… I was going to say that I love you too… a lot…”

He didn’t know who leaned in first, but their lips met again.

“Can we… keep going? From before?”

Taesan whispered, cheeks flushed, voice shy.

Jaehyun hummed softly and nodded.

He hovered above Taesan again, one hand on his waist, the other bracing himself on the mattress beside Taesan’s head.

Taesan’s arms looped around his neck, fingers tangled in his hair.

Jaehyun pulled back briefly to remove his shirt, then went back to kissing him.

Taesan’s cold hands trailed down his back, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Jaehyun paused again and slowly slid his hand under Taesan’s shirt, watching for any sign of discomfort.

Taesan nodded—but added, voice trembling: “Just… please don’t be scared. It looks… bad.”

Jaehyun said nothing and continued.

Taesan raised his arms to help him remove the shirt entirely.

What Jaehyun found underneath was something he had imagined, but still wasn’t fully prepared for: pale—extremely pale—skin, covered in bruises of various green and purple tones.

He had seen his arms and, sometimes, his legs, but it was clear most of the bruising was concentrated here—and perhaps on his back as well.

He didn’t want to stare and make Taesan feel worse, so he lowered his head quickly and began kissing every inch he could reach.

“Don’t say that…” he murmured between kisses.

“You’re beautiful, Taesan. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

He kissed his abdomen, whispered loving words, then met his lips again.

Jaehyun took all the time needed to prepare him—to make the experience as gentle and pleasant as possible.

A few tears slipped from Taesan’s eyes, but he insisted he was alright and not to worry.

“You can move now,” he said, more breath than voice.

And Jaehyun did.

Slowly at first, doing everything in his power not to lose his mind at how good it felt, savoring the beautiful sounds falling from Taesan’s lips.

Taesan, meanwhile, had never felt better.

He couldn’t think.

His mind repeated Jaehyun’s name like a mantra, mixed with loving words—some spoken aloud, some not.

His hands scratched Jaehyun’s shoulders and back; he couldn’t hold back anymore, and Jaehyun knew exactly what that meant.

A few thrusts later, Jaehyun came first, with Taesan following right after.

They were lying there, still tangled in each other’s arms, catching their breath.

“How do you feel? Was it okay?”

Jaehyun was—as always—the first one to speak.

Taesan smiled and pressed himself even closer to him, if that was even possible.

“Yeah… that was… amazing.”

Jaehyun’s lips curved into a breathless smile at the answer, and he placed a gentle kiss on Taesan’s nose.

He was about to get up to grab something to clean them up when Taesan caught him by the arm.

“Nooo, stay with me." 

He said, pouting with a childlike tone that made Jaehyun laugh.

“I’ll just go get something so we can clean up, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Taesan shook his head again.

“Please don’t go…”

And Jaehyun was a weak man.

He didn’t resist any further—just lay back down exactly where he’d been moments before.

The rest would be a problem for Morning Jaehyun.

The following days went by in a blur.

Taesan remembered that night—and the next morning—with a silly smile on his face.

Jaehyun had woken him up with soft kisses scattered across his cheeks and neck.

They’d stayed cuddling until late morning and then showered together before breakfast.

When the time came for Jaehyun to leave, they separated reluctantly.

Taesan had walked him to the entrance, where they stayed for ten more minutes (still not enough for them), whispering and cuddling.

During the days that followed, Taesan carried a glow with him—something he’d never had before.

He smiled more, talked more, and seemed more motivated to do things.

He felt good, was hopelessly in love, and having Jaehyun beside him—with all his energy, warmth, and charisma—pushed him to keep going despite the physical discomfort.

He had even managed to go out to nearby stores—always accompanied—but it was still progress.

He hadn’t left the house at all in almost two weeks since his last hospital visit, so everyone was thrilled by the improvement.

That morning Jaehyun had training with the team, so he sent Taesan his usual good morning text and put his phone away without expecting a reply—it was still very early.

After practice, an unexpected meeting came up with the coaches, and afterward he had to sprint to a class he was already running late for.

When he finally had a moment to breathe past noon, he checked his phone—and his blood ran cold.

His lock screen was flooded with missed calls and messages.

Before he could process anything, another call came in.

Taesan’s mother.

Heart pounding, he answered but said nothing, waiting for her to speak.

“Jaehyun, sweetheart… I’m sorry for the countless calls, but I had to tell you… Taesan is in the hospital again.”

Her voice was soft but cracked, as if she were barely holding back tears.

Jaehyun couldn’t speak, but the situation told him enough.

This was bad.

Very bad.

“Taesan… it’s bad this time…” she added, her voice trembling.

When Jaehyun didn’t answer, she took a shaky breath and continued, "Come when you’re free, okay? I just wanted to let you know.”

Jaehyun finally managed to speak, though his throat burned from the tears he was fighting back.

“No. I’ll go right now. Thank you for telling me.”

He hung up only after she told him to drive carefully, and then he rushed out the door.

When he arrived, Taesan’s mother and Leehan were already there, both struggling to keep it together.

She explained what had happened: Taesan had a normal day—an exceptionally good one, even—but had woken in the night nauseous, drenched in cold sweat, and with a severe nosebleed.

By the time the ambulance arrived, he had collapsed.

They’d managed to stabilize him, but he hadn’t woken up since.

Jaehyun’s eyes found Taesan on the hospital bed. His breathing was steady, his expression peaceful… but his skin was paler, his dark circles deeper, and there were new bruises on his neck.

He had another episode of hematemesis—worse than the first.

The three of them spent the entire day sitting beside the bed in silence, waiting for him to wake up.

After a while, Jaehyun stood up to get some air—he couldn’t take being in the room any longer.

Outside, sitting on the steps of the hospital entrance, all the tears he had held back spilled out.

He needed to talk to someone. He called his mother.

The moment she answered, a sob escaped him.

“Sweetheart, what happened? Are you okay?” she asked, panicked.

Jaehyun couldn’t speak—only cry. He heard her whispering comforting words, trying to steady him.

When he finally calmed down enough, he managed: “It’s Taesan, Mom… he’s in the hospital again… it’s bad.”

His voice cracked.

“…I don’t want him to go…” he whispered, barely audible.

He heard movement on the other end.

“Oh, honey… I’m so sorry. We’ll go there, okay? Woonhak is coming with us. Are you alone?”

“No,” he sniffled.

“Leehan and Taesan’s mom are in the room. I just stepped out for air.”

He heard Woonhak in the background, though he couldn’t understand what he said.

“You can call Sungho. Let him keep you company.” Jaehyun nodded, thanked her, and hung up.

He called Sungho, who came right away.

After about thirty minutes, they both went back upstairs.

Jaehyun washed his face in the bathroom, making sure no traces of crying were left.

When they entered the room, Taesan was awake.

Leehan and his mother were talking to him, though Taesan looked dazed, confused.

Sungho greeted them quietly, and after a few minutes, everyone agreed it would be best to give Jaehyun and Taesan some time alone.

The door closed behind them. Jaehyun moved closer to the bed and sat down.

Minutes passed in silence. Taesan still hadn’t looked at him.

Despite everything, Jaehyun tried to smile and break the tension.

“Hey… are you feeling better?”

No answer. No reaction.

Jaehyun’s forced smile fell.

He licked his lips and tried again, taking Taesan’s cold hand into his own.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier. And… I understand if you’re upset with me—”

But Taesan’s shaky breathing cut him off.

When Jaehyun looked up, his heart stopped.

Taesan was crying—truly crying.

Not the quiet tears Jaehyun had seen before, but full, desperate sobs.

Jaehyun squeezed his hand gently and brushed the hair from his forehead.

Tears welled in his own eyes, but he held them back as much as he could.

“I’m dying, Jae…”

Taesan whispered, voice hoarse from hours of silence.

Jaehyun flinched. “Don’t say that—”

“It’s the truth…”

Taesan finally looked at him—still crying.

“I’m dying, and… and for the first time since I was diagnosed… I don’t want to die, Jaehyun.”

His voice broke, words spilling out in gasps.

“I want to live. I want to study… I want to help my mom around the house… I want to hang out with Leehan and Riwoo like before…”

He spoke slowly, haltingly, sobs interrupting him—but Jaehyun never stopped listening.

“And now I also want… I want to see Woonhak more often. I want Sungho to like me—he’s always been kind to me, even if he thinks I steal all your attention. And most of all, I want to be with you… I want us to kiss and cuddle and go on every date we want, anywhere we want.”

Everything Taesan had never said before now poured out of him like an uncontrollable waterfall.

“They told me… years ago… about this stupid disease, and everything since then has been awful… the pain, the bleeding, the fainting… I was never on the priority list, there was never a donor… and I just lived waiting to die until I met you. I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to burden the only two people who cared about me. And I still think that… but now, more than anything, I want to be with you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun nodded, moving even closer.

“I want to be with you too, love. More than anything.”

He kissed Taesan slowly. Both of them were still crying, Jaehyun’s warm, soft lips against Taesan’s cold ones—but neither cared.

Jaehyun wiped his tears.

“I love you so much, okay?”

Taesan nodded, and Jaehyun brushed their noses together in that little gesture they both adored.

“Do you want some water?” Another nod.

Jaehyun handed him the bottle.

After a while, Jaehyun went to call the others back in.

It was sunset by the time Jaehyun’s parents and brother arrived.

Woonhak rushed straight into his brother’s arms, on the verge of tears.

Then he went to Taesan—now asleep again—kneeling beside the bed and gently brushing his hair back.

The hours passed, only delaying the inevitable.

Close to midnight, Taesan suddenly woke up. He shifted, trying to sit up.

Jaehyun was by his side holding his hand; on the other side were his mother and Leehan.

Relief washed over Jaehyun for just a moment—Taesan looked better.

He was smiling, talking softly to Leehan, even seemed less tense.

Jaehyun glanced across the room toward his own mother, expecting her to smile too… but her expression was twisted in pure despair.

He didn’t understand.

Taesan looked better—he had to be okay. Right?

He turned back to Taesan just as he yawned and settled back into the bed.

He tugged Jaehyun down by the collar of his sweatshirt until his head rested on Taesan’s chest.

One hand stroked Jaehyun’s hair; the other held his mother’s hand tightly. Leehan sat silently, head bowed.

Jaehyun was confused—maybe in denial. Then a whisper, faint as a breath, dragged him back to reality.

“I love you.”

And with one small, final exhale… Taesan’s hand stopped moving.

His heartbeat—already faint—stilled completely.

Jaehyun felt dizzy, weightless, like none of it was real.

He had never cried so much in his life. At times, everything seemed unreal—like maybe his mind was playing tricks on him.

After the funeral, Taesan’s mother approached and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you… for taking care of my son, and for staying with him until the end. He loved you so much.”

Jaehyun couldn’t speak—he only nodded.

She reached into her purse and handed him an envelope.

“He knew what would happen sooner or later… and he asked me to give this to you when the time came.”

Jaehyun felt tears threaten again.

“Don’t feel pressured to read it now. Do it whenever you’re ready, okay?”

He nodded again and walked to the car where his parents, Woonhak, and Sungho were waiting.

Months went by, and Jaehyun had returned to the routine he’d had before Taesan—training, classes, hanging out with Sungho.

But the emptiness remained.

And he still hadn’t read the letter. He didn’t really know why.

Maybe because it was the last part of Taesan he hadn’t uncovered yet—and once he read it, there would be nothing left to discover about him.

Maybe because reading it would make the loss unbearably real.

He got home after hanging out with Sungho and some teammates and went straight to his room to lie down.

For some reason, Taesan had been on his mind all day.

He glanced at the calendar on his nightstand.

The date hit him like a punch.

It was the anniversary of Taesan’s death.

Exactly six months.

Tears flooded his eyes instantly.

He got up, walked to his desk, opened the bottom drawer, and took out the envelope that had haunted him for months.

He sat on the bed, holding it carefully. After what felt like hours of hesitation, he finally opened it.

Just a single sheet of paper.

Taesan’s handwriting—neat, soft, delicate, just like his voice. Jaehyun’s heart pounded just as fast as it had that one night.

He took a deep breath and began to read.

My dear Jaehyun,

There’s so much I want to say, but I’ll try to keep this short—if not, this letter would never end.

Thank you for cheering me up, for staying by my side even when you knew what was coming, for not leaving me even when my condition ruined our plans over and over. Thank you for loving me.

I had never felt anything like this for anyone. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted you.

My life had always been just my mom and Leehan. The idea of falling in love—or someone falling in love with me—had never seemed real.

From the first moment, I thought you were an idiot. And you were— but you became my idiot. Sometimes I was grateful I fainted that day, because it meant meeting you.

Other times I hated myself for dragging you into this.

I felt guilty every second—for falling in love with you, for letting you fall in love with me.

For not telling you about my illness sooner.

Even though I apologized and you forgave me, it ate at me constantly.

That night we spent together was the best of my life, and I secretly wished it could happen again.

We never got the chance.

But you made me feel more loved and beautiful than I’d ever felt.

Every smile, every kiss, every hug made me feel special.

Even that little thing you did with our noses (which I later learned was called an Eskimo kiss) gave me butterflies.

You changed my life for the better.

And even though we met only for a short time, they were the best days I had.

You literally gave me back the will to live.

Because I love you so much, I hope that when I’m gone you find happiness with someone else.

I don’t want you to live with my memory weighing on you forever.

I want you to find someone who loves you like I did. Maybe that person is closer than you think. Or maybe not. It doesn’t matter.

Whoever they are, they’ll be lucky to have the kindest, most affectionate man in the world.

You deserve someone who cares for you, who cherishes you, who knows every part of you and accepts you completely—just like you did with me.

I love you, and I always will, wherever I may be.

I don’t expect you to love me forever.

Everything you did for me while I was here was already enough. I hope you find happiness. And I hope you can forgive me for leaving you like this.

Always yours,
Taesan