Archive of Our Own

Atsushi nuzzles onto his upper arm, kisses him there then along his shoulder and the side of his neck. He has that look in his eyes that Dazai likes, the one that's only a little shy, but irredeemably horny. How many orgasms has it been? four? five? It hasn't been ten minutes since the last one and Atsushi's already hard again, but he's being such a good boyfriend and waiting for Dazai to recover. And Dazai will, in a moment... The way Atsushi nuzzles into his neck makes him dizzy, it's too much even if they're not doing anything, because Dazai has been blissfully fucked out and wants nothing more than a soak in the tub or to pass out face first in the pillow. But Atsushi wants to keep going, and that, well, isn't that tempting. Dazai can squeeze out one more orgasm, in a few more minutes.

In theory, Dazai can say he's exhausted and Atsushi will listen. Atsushi is considerate like that, a gentleman in bed like no other. But Dazai would hate it if Atsushi had to relieve himself without Dazai's help, or worse, take a cold shower just to make it go away. To end the day unsatisfied, to put a damper on all the fun they've had since the afternoon because Dazai can't keep up... And maybe, just maybe, if Dazai can't match Atsushi's stamina, this incident will be the first seed of doubt, and in time Atsushi will realize that he's worth more than this. He deserves someone who shines as brightly, who challenges him to new lengths, not someone who's comfortable in his stillness and will never fully walk into the light.

Atsushi climbs on top of him, breaking him out his thoughts. Has his boyfriend gotten impatient? Dazai swallows. He can do it with his hand, if nothing else. Atsushi's erect cock sits on his stomach, red and burning hot, yet Atsushi himself doesn't do anything. He searches Dazai's face and Dazai is suddenly afraid.

"What's wrong?"

"You were distracted," Atsushi says, a pout in his tone. "Pay attention to me, me."

"My, how greedy you are," Dazai teases. He rubs circles on Atsushi's hips and takes in the sight before him. Surely this will get him worked up enough for another round, no? Atsushi watches him still. The haze of lust is gone from his eyes and this isn't how it's supposed to go. Dazai mentally curses his own body for giving up. And to top it all off, Atsushi says:

"How about I fill up the tub for you? Then we'll have dinner."

"What about—" Dazai gestures at the neglected erection. Atsushi shrugs.

"Mm, don't worry about that. Right now I wanna take care of you."

He starts to get up and Dazai panics. "No, no—" Atsushi looks at him, concerned. Great, now he feels bad. "I mean— I want to climax together one last time. You'd do that for me, right, Atsushi-kun?"

Atsushi purses his lips. "You're tired though—"

"I'm never too tired for you," Dazai purrs, dropping his tone to the level he knows will make Atsushi squirm. He may be exhausted but he can still work his charm if he needs to.

"Dazai-san," Atsushi answers, only a little shaken by Dazai's seduction. Is Dazai losing his flair? Oh no. "You don't have to force yourself just because I have a higher sex drive. I can finish with my hand or use one of the toys," he suggests, blushing a little, and Dazai wants to die then and there. "It's really alright. I'm— I'm used to it, whenever you're asleep or you're too busy. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd feel bad, but yes, I can't bother you every time I'm horny."

And to think Dazai was happy, believing he was enough, for a little while. So it has been going like that all this time, huh? It was an unattainable goal from the beginning. Sure it was, like everything when it comes to Atsushi, for all that Dazai's whole sorry existence is worth. "Wait, why are you making that face! This is precisely why I didn't want to tell you."

At least Atsushi isn't seeking out other people to do what Dazai can't. Atsushi would never. Maybe there are drugs that can fix this problem, or cock rings, or something not yet invented. There has to be something.

"Dazai-saaaan," Atsushi whines above him, "you're not paying attention to me again!" Dazai sputters. Atsushi looks at him a while longer, and here it comes, the part where he'll know exactly what Dazai is thinking. "I know that look on your face," Atsushi says, as Dazai predicted. "You're thinking you're not giving me everything I need." He leans in, and the next words are whispered against Dazai's lips. "Well, guess what, I love you and I love your dumb little head and I know in my bones no one else can get me hot and bothered all day like this."

Dazai gasps and Atsushi kisses him before he can protest. And this is good. Dazai should accept the love that's given. Atsushi promises forever between the lines; he was the one who said I love you first, too. Atsushi, who wears his heart on his sleeve and wouldn't say something like that unless he believed it. And maybe it will last forever. Maybe it will blow up in his face, but then he'll worry about it when the time comes. If it does. It's a delicious thought, that he'll wake up in some decades and think his past self had been so silly for harboring doubts. Atsushi kisses him slowly, sweetly, savoring his taste because there's no urgency, they had their fill earlier, they'll have it again tomorrow. When they break apart, Atsushi's erection is even harder against his belly. Atsushi himself is blushing all over, breathing loudly, and there's the lust in his eyes again. He still makes himself sit up and urges Dazai to do the same. "Come on, let's get you to the bath."

Dazai whines and falls back in the pillows. "You're going to put me in the tub then come back here to play with yourself, aren't you?"

He didn't know Atsushi could get any redder. This is going to be interesting.

"What do you think about, when you don't want to bother me, hm? do you use your imagination, or watch porn?" Atsushi sputters and Dazai smirks. "I bet you have some tropes you really like and you've watched hundreds of times, all by yourself, without showing me—"

"I don't like porn!" Atsushi cuts him off, loud enough to carry throughout the dorms. Atsushi himself realizes this and facepalms. It's not a bad thing really. Not even Kunikida can reproach Atsushi's conduct. "I don't like porn," Atsushi says, now in an indoor voice, avoiding Dazai's eyes. "I told you no one else does it for me. I just think of you, and that's enough."

And just like that, Dazai's insecurities are bundled up in a ball and thrown out of the window. "You masturbate while thinking of me?"

"Don't say it like that!"

Dazai's grin grows so wide his cheeks hurt. Atsushi can be forward all he likes but he's still a flustered mess when Dazai plays his cards right. It's delightful. And Dazai isn't about to stop.

"But you do," he murmurs. "Tell me what I'm doing, when you're picturing me in your head. It's bad enough you're having all the fun without me, the least you can do is tell me about it."

Atsushi makes a distressed little sound. Dazai tilts his head, voice dropping devilishly. "Better yet, you can show me."

"Huh?"

"Show me how you touch yourself, Atsushi-kun."

Atsushi groans. "I knew I should never have told you."

"It's not good to keep secrets from your boyfriend."

"I'll keep that in mind for the future," Atsushi sneers at him. There's no hostility in it though, Dazai reassures himself of this before he spirals and over-analyses the tones of Atsushi's voice. Better yet, Atsushi climbs off of him, perhaps to sulk at the foot of the bed, but his erection brushes Dazai's thigh in the process and a whimper escapes him before he can stop it.

Dazai is almost vibrating with the possibilities of mischief. He props himself on one elbow and rakes his gaze over Atsushi, who glares at him in turn. "Look at you, you're so hard. I bet it hurts."

"It does not," Atsushi says what he wants to believe.

"I've got an idea," Dazai says while reaching for his phone. Atsushi is so deliciously confused at this. "You're going to touch yourself and I'm going to video tape you. You know, for later."

"No," Atsushi shoots right away.

"Aw."

"You're doing this just to get a rise out of me. You're not going to watch that video at all."

Dazai raises a brow. "You don't think I need a little Atsushi-pick-me-up when Kunikida-kun sends you away on long missions just to spite me?"

Atsushi's face falls. The air shifts and Dazai sits up fully. "Atsushi-kun, look at me. Why would I not watch a video of my gorgeous boyfriend touching himself? Actually, I don't know why I didn't think of this before." Atsushi still doesn't face him. "We can even watch it together; I'd love to see you react to yourself. We can't have mirror sex in this apartment so the video is like the next best thing."

"If I watch a video of myself masturbating, I'll be so turned off I might never have sex again."

Dazai stares.

Never has a statement hit him so hard in the face and left him as.. dumbfounded. He has yet to pick up his jaw from the floor. Atsushi takes pity on him and explains, "I don't look good on camera, I know that. In fact I don't look good, period. I appreciate you being nice but please don't say you'll watch it when we both know that's a lie. I don't mind you watching porn while I'm gone, and we can still do the video thing if you think it's exciting, just, let's not lie to ourselves, okay?"

Dazai makes a face, appalled by the implications. Atsushi gives a reserved little smile. "You and I fell in love because we have an emotional bond. Not because I'm pretty. I know that and it's alright."

Clearly Dazai has done a lousy job as a boyfriend. He should have been waxing poetry for Atsushi's eyes and Atsushi's whole being every chance he could. He was always afraid to sound corny and he had a little too much pride to say those things out loud. And to think Atsushi has thought of himself this way all this time, right under Dazai's nose.

"Atsushi-kun," he says with a sigh from deep within his soul, "are you blind, perhaps? Have you looked in the mirror?"

"Huh?"

"Do you not feel it when I kiss your skin, and when I touch your body? Can't you tell that there is no one more beautiful in my eyes?" his voice softens and all he wants is to crawl in Atsushi's lap and demonstrate. But his bones are sore and Atsushi is so, so far away. "Everything about you entrances me, your eyes, your slenderness, even your scars. I don't know where to begin. Not to mention," he grits his teeth because he hates the very idea, but Atsushi needs some measure of objectivity, "you turn heads everywhere you go. Every time we go on a date the waitresses try to get your number. And ever since your picture was in the papers, I swear half of Yokohama is trying to steal you away from me."

"What— you're exaggerating! That can't be true."

"Atsushi-kun," Dazai deadpans. Words are not enough. He wishes he could lay Atsushi on the bed and kiss him all over, worship him, show him how beautiful he is with actions rather than words. Alas, he is still sore as ever. But he isn't about to give up; the body may be weak but the spirit is willing. "I'm going to hit record right now, then you'll see how fucking gorgeous you really are."

Atsushi scrunches his nose. Unconvinced, but Dazai loves him for his stubbornness. "If you insist, we might as well." He angles himself to face Dazai. "Um, how do you want me?"

Dazai lies down and adjusts the phone over his chest. "Doesn't matter. You'll good no matter what. But if you keep your eyes on the camera, that'd be nice."

Atsushi flushes and glares at the phone. He fights with himself for a moment then resigns to indulge Dazai's whims. He spits into his hand, throws one glance at the phone, then Dazai, but in the end he looks at neither.

He starts to stroke his dick, his attention on himself alone. Dazai watches him through the phone screen. The movement is practiced, efficient, the rhythm building up slowly. Atsushi strokes all along the shaft, not touching the head as much as Dazai would have. His mouth is open, letting out little soundless breaths. Dazai is once again entranced with him, unable to look away.

It's not drawn out, but not rushed either. When some precum builds up, Atsushi smears it upon the head. He flicks his thumb into the slit and the first real sound escapes his lips. He stays there for a while, the head of his cock leaking more as he lavishes his attention onto it. Then, he spits in his hand again and resumes stroking along the shaft. He's savoring it, teasing himself even, as if this is not just about getting off. Is this how Atsushi does it when he's alone, while Dazai is asleep or merrily soaking into the bath?

Dazai feels his breath quicken just watching. The phone sits askew in his hand, the angle missing the show Atsushi is putting up entirely. He scrambles to get it back in place. His eyes keep jumping between the phone screen and the real Atsushi. Atsushi himself finally looks over at Dazai and speaks, his voice husky with desire, "Dazai-san, you're not paying attention to me again."

As if compelled, Dazai's eyes snap to him at once.

"You wanted to watch, didn't you? Well? Why aren't you watching?"

Atsushi smirks, smirks at him like he knows he's playing Dazai's nerves like a string, and of course he does. He lets his body fall on the mattress and tilts his head, exposing his throat. The bite marks Dazai had left on him are blooming purple along his collar bone. This is the part of Atsushi's body that he choose to taunt Dazai with. And he is, taunting Dazai, and it's working because Dazai feels his mouth water. There's so much skin left unmarked. Dazai's eyes trail down his chest and his cock throbbing in his hand, his back arching off the mattress, eyes lost in pleasure. Atsushi doesn't believe he's beautiful, yet he wants Dazai to look at him. He is always confident when he doesn't have time to think, and he's thriving under Dazai's gaze in the best way.

"You wanted to know what I think about when I'm touching myself?" he laughs airily. Something about the sound makes Dazai shiver. "Well, you know, just the usual. I imagine you underneath me, moaning my name, begging for more. And you always beg so sweetly, don't you, Dazai-san?"

Dazai gasps and clamps his mouth shut. How like Atsushi to turn the tables on him, he should have known.

"Sometimes I imagine you railing me against a wall, or with my face in the pillow. This one's especially good when I'm fingering myself." Dazai all but chokes on his breath, and Atsushi leans his upper body on the bed with his ass up in the air, as if to demonstrate. Still stroking himself with one hand, he reaches inside the folds of his ass cheeks with the other. His smirk is downright evil. "Mm," he moans, drawled out into the sheets, "feels so good."

Dazai can't help his erratic breathing anymore. Atsushi continues rocking his hips back and forth, from the fingers teasing his prostate to the hand closing on the head of his cock. He meets Dazai's eyes, determined not to show mercy. "Sometimes I imagine that there are two of you. One fucking me from behind, and the other bouncing on my cock at the same time— Ah!"

He rolls on his back, and to Dazai's surprise he lifts his hands from his groin and strokes his nipples instead. "You know, I like the idea of a threesome, but, ngh," he whimpers loudly as he pinches the pink nubs, assaulting them without restraint, "but, you see, I'd never let another man touch me."

"Atsushi-kun," Dazai calls for the first time, his voice tight.

"Dazai-san," Atsushi says under his breath, voice needy, twisting in Dazai's lungs. He drops his hands at his sides, and before Dazai gets to ask why, Atsushi is suddenly on top of him, tossing the phone away as if it offended him. "You keep looking at the phone. I told you to keep your eyes on me." Dazai swallows. Atsushi grinds in his lap and lo and behold, Dazai was able to get hard again after all. He whimpers at the stimulation as Atsushi's eyes rake over him, hooded with desire, dark with something Dazai had never seen before. "What shall I do with you now, hm?"

Dazai doesn't get to have a say in that. Atsushi descends upon his lips like a man starved. The kiss is all tongue and teeth, hungry, wanting. Atsushi lifts his mouth first, leaving Dazai a flustered, scarlet-faced mess, and Dazai can't help but chase after his lips. Atsushi keeps just out of reach, his grin playful, his eyes feasting upon his handiwork. He decides to assault Dazai's throat with his kisses and bites next, and Dazai keens under him.

"Dazai-san, you were being so mean," Atsushi breathes hotly against his neck. "Asking me to touch myself, when you're right there. Did you really think you could lie in our bed, naked in front of me, and not face the consequences? Then you kept looking at the phone, like I wasn't even there."

"I was— ah— I was making a video of you, Atsushi! remember? to watch later, ngh, when you're away."

Atsushi comes back up to look him in the face, pupils blown, the gold of them but a ring around a black hole, ready to devour him.

"Don't watch that video while I'm gone," Atsushi says, his tone low and threatening. "Don't you dare even play with yourself while I'm away. Wait for me to come back, and I will give you everything you want." Dazai blinks, and Atsushi grows impatient at his confusion. "No one, no one can touch you but me."

"I can't believe you're jealous of yourself— mmf!"

The rest of Dazai's teasing is muffled under Atsushi's mouth. This kiss is more forceful, a claim being laid. It knocks every last thought out of him. Everything is Atsushi, Atsushi, Atsushi... who only comes up after he's successfully kissed Dazai silly, grinning with triumph and something else Dazai cannot place.

"You've been a bad boy, Dazai-san," he purrs, and there it is. "Being so mean to me, ignoring me.. I should do something to put you in your place."

"You would never," Dazai says mindlessly, "you love me too much."

Atsushi narrows his eyes. "You're just lucky," he answers, and that's the only warning Dazai gets before Atsushi shifts and slides his cock in Dazai aching hole.

It knocks the air out of his lungs. He grabs Atsushi's shoulders for purchase and grounds himself enough to breathe. Atsushi wastes no time thrusting inside, the tip almost falling out of his hole, before slamming back in again. They both scream, he can't tell who is louder. Atsushi shoots him a devilish smile while grinding his hips back and forth, giving him no rest.

"You wanted to climax together one last time," Atsushi drawls out, voice swaying with lust. He leans down till they're as close as a breath, and the change of angle punches another moan out of Dazai's throat. "Be careful what you wish for," Atsushi whispers against his mouth, "you might just get it."

With that, he rolls his hips one last time, and that's all it takes for Dazai. His cock pulses and his cum shoots over his stomach, and to his pride and victory, Atsushi's release fills his insides with delicious warmth.

Atsushi collapses on top of him, unbothered by the mess between them. He's always like this, nothing can ever keep him from touching Dazai. Dazai's arms come around him out of habit. Atsushi laughs against him then comes up to kiss him again and they haven't even caught their breath.

The exhaustion of it all finally catches up to him. He fights the pull of sleep, tries to keep his eyes open, but he's never been so safe and warm. "I've got you," Atsushi says, his voice hoarse with all the noises he's been making, "sleep." Dazai wants to say something too, but he passes out before he can help it.

—

The warm water soothes his muscles as he leans his head on the edge of the tub. The sounds of Atsushi going about dinner reach him through the door. First, Dazai will hear the click of the stove being turned off, then Atsushi will come to check on him like he always does. Dazai used to think that a life of habit would bore him, but he's found that he likes to predict what Atsushi is going to do. And every time he's right, he silently rejoices that he is still loved. Besides, Atsushi always finds a new way to surprise him whenever he thinks he's got his boyfriend figured out. Like whatever the hell went on just now.

Atsushi slides the door to the bath and kneels beside the tub. Dazai leans his arms on the edge and stares at Atsushi with unmasked adoration. This too feels good, and maybe Atsushi will believe that he's beautiful if Dazai abandons the tight grip he holds on his own feelings and lets everything out under the sun. Atsushi falters at his gaze, cheeks tinting red. "How do you feel?" he asks, like Dazai thought he would. "I'm sorry about that last round, I shouldn't have done that. I knew it would hurt you and yet—"

Dazai swallows the rest of that apology with a kiss. Atsushi startles and makes surprised muffled sounds but lets himself be kissed, and it's wonderful, warm, familiar. Dazai lingers to savor it because he can. "Mm, my beautiful, beautiful boyfriend," Dazai drawls out, because if Atsushi needs to hear the words out loud he might as well start now. "Don't apologize for making me feel good. Besides, I know how to get that possessive streak out of you now."

Atsushi sputters.

"It was so hot," Dazai bats his eyelashes for emphasis and Atsushi buries his face in his hands.

"I, I didn't mean those things I said."

"Oh I think you did."

Atsushi shakes his head. "I don't mind if you touch yourself while I'm gone, with that video or without it. I don't know what made me say those things."

"Atsushi-kun, you are a terrible liar."

"I know that," Atsushi surrenders quietly.

Dazai sighs. "I don't mind that you're jealous and possessive, in fact, I love it." Atsushi's eyes come back to him, hopeful, and Dazai decides it's alright to be a little more vulnerable. "I am always afraid that you might leave me for some reason or the other," he starts and Atsushi gasps, but Dazai holds up his hand. "When you show that side of you, it makes me feel wanted. I'm reassured, that I mean something to you. Then you're being reasonable and you think it's not good to be controlling like that, and instead of acting on it you choose to trust me. Which is nice, too. But when we're alone," he stops, unable to help his own bashfulness, "hell, Atsushi-kun. Do whatever you want to me."

Atsushi's hands tremble as they reach to him. They ghost over his face and he realizes, the tremor in Atsushi's fingers isn't nerves, but restraint. His eyes are flashing with the same intensity, the flair of a dangerous beast. Dazai is hung up on his every move. Will he go again if Dazai asks? "Be careful what you wish for," Atsushi grits out, every muscle in his body tense and holding back.

"No," Dazai says without thinking. Atsushi pounces on him, the water splashes around them, everything's a mess and that's all beside the point. Dazai leans back into the tub and braces himself for the ride.